I hate it when people say that kids learn better from a (non-parent) teacher.

[amselby81]

Why do people think this? I hear it all the time. "I can't teach my kids. They don't listen to me." YOU'RE THE PARENT! I get that kids might be too confortable with a parent, but that can easily be overcome. So DD is five and a half and she's not reading. My aunt was acting like DD should be reading by now, even though we're not doing kindergarten curriculum. I told her that DD's just not ready yet. We've tried, but she doesn't grasp how to put sounds together. And then my aunt said, "It's probably b/c you're her parent. She'd probably know it by now if she was in school." :glare: She's not even old enough to be in public K, so the only school she'd be in would be a preschool program.

[swellmomma]

YOu know what though, sometimes they are right. It grates me to no end when I tell me kids something a 100 times to no avail, but then coach so and so says it once and viola a revelation is had. Most recently this happened with ds13 and scouts. His entire life I have been after him when he goes out to play to tell me where he is going and whome he is going with. EVERYDAY for all the years that he has been old enough to go out an play with out me this have been a thorn in my side because he fails to do so. Grounding etc hasn't worked. Last week at scouts they did survival training and one of the key things they were told is to always tell the people in your home where you are going and while whom everytime you leave the house. Yeah Scout master says it once, he has doneit everyday and proudly told me he got the idea from scout master :001_huh: So I remind him that I have been saying that for years. So he says "Oh is that what you were saying, I usually stop listening as soon as you start talking" Brat, got himself in bug trouble with that sass though he thought iwas a good joke.

 

Your aunt's comment holds no water as we all know. BUt there is some truth to kids listening better to someone other than the parent. The key thing there is though is I don't WANT them listening to someone better, becaue sometimes what they are heariing is not what I want taught kwim.

[KristenR]

URGH! I hate that comment. I try not to roll my eyes when I hear it (because I'm constantly telling my 5yr old not to roll her eyes!) otherwise I would be eye-rolling away.

 

One very close friend said we're just biologically not programmed to learn from our parents. :001_huh: Something about how parents are too partial to their kids to give them an honest education. :glare:

I tend to think it's my partiality to them that works in their favor. I love my kids so much I will stop at nothing to give them the best education I can. I constantly have other friends telling me how amazing my kids are and jokingly asking if I would start a school so their kids could be taught by me. I appreciate the compliment but honestly- homeschooling requires all my time and patience and I only have it for my own kids. I wish everyone else's kids the best-- so long as I'm not in charge of it.

If I'm being totally (and painfully) honest- I only love my kids enough to do it.

[amselby81]

I think that sometimes it just reinforces something we say when someone else says it. Sometimes kids, especially teens think we're just nagging them. But when they hear someone else say it, or they read it someone where, it clicks. "Oh wait! Mom is right! She really does know what she's talking about." LOL!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Oh Puleese! You are talking about whether she is developmentally ready for something not whether or not she will listen to another authority figure!

 

As to the other, sometimes my kids think that I tell them stuff just because I'm "supposed" to tell them those things as a mom, not because they are really true. Do you know what is really funny? I am my kids teacher in a class and they are often more willing to listen to what I say in that class with my official teacher hat on, than when I'm telling them the same stuff at home.

[Audrey]

This is one of those issues that might be true for some parents/kids and not for others. I think that about 99% of the time when people say "I couldn't...." in relation to homeschooling, what they really mean is "I wouldn't want to..." And that's okay, because I truly believe that if you don't really want to homeschool, then you shouldn't be homeschooling. Some people just aren't cut out for it -- both kids and parents.

[Carol in Cal.]

2 reasons:

1. Their experience is helping kids with their homework. You know, yes, that is what we do, really; yes, we wait until kids are cranky and hungry, til their brains have turned off almost completely, and then we try to make them do work that we are not completely sure we understand ourselves. Yup, that's homeschooling alright...not!

2. They see their children treat every other adult in their lives like we would like to be treated all the time--courteously, politely, respectfully--and they assume that they are the only people on God's green earth whose children treat other adults better than their own parents. Nope, they are not the only ones.

 

The answers: We have the sweet spot when we homeschool. We can pick the very best times of the day to teach everything. We can assign and lead work at an appropriate pace that is finetuned for the child. We can teach a more varied and integrated curriculum than any school teacher around. In fact, I vote for calling this type of education 'privately tutored.' Sounds great doesn't it?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

One very close friend said we're just biologically not programmed to learn from our parents. :001_huh: Something about how parents are too partial to their kids to give them an honest education. :glare:

 

I would have laughed hysterically at hearing something like this. Before compulsory education, how did kids learn then?

 

Sure, my kids wouldn't whine and complain as much with a non-parent teacher, but they also would not be as comfortable asking questions and exploring things further, either.

[TranquilMind]

Why do people think this? I hear it all the time. "I can't teach my kids. They don't listen to me." YOU'RE THE PARENT! I get that kids might be too confortable with a parent, but that can easily be overcome. So DD is five and a half and she's not reading. My aunt was acting like DD should be reading by now, even though we're not doing kindergarten curriculum. I told her that DD's just not ready yet. We've tried, but she doesn't grasp how to put sounds together. And then my aunt said, "It's probably b/c you're her parent. She'd probably know it by now if she was in school." :glare: She's not even old enough to be in public K, so the only school she'd be in would be a preschool program.

Your oldest is 5, according to your avatar.

Mine were perfect then too, most of the time. They listened to me, definitely.

 

If you can still say this in 10 years, I will be in awe.

 

Teens really do seem to have a parent-filter that filters out every wise thing we say but when someone else says it, wow...it's a revelation.

 

So annoying.

[TranquilMind]

YOu know what though, sometimes they are right. It grates me to no end when I tell me kids something a 100 times to no avail, but then coach so and so says it once and viola a revelation is had. Most recently this happened with ds13 and scouts. His entire life I have been after him when he goes out to play to tell me where he is going and whome he is going with. EVERYDAY for all the years that he has been old enough to go out an play with out me this have been a thorn in my side because he fails to do so. Grounding etc hasn't worked. Last week at scouts they did survival training and one of the key things they were told is to always tell the people in your home where you are going and while whom everytime you leave the house. Yeah Scout master says it once, he has doneit everyday and proudly told me he got the idea from scout master :001_huh: So I remind him that I have been saying that for years. So he says "Oh is that what you were saying, I usually stop listening as soon as you start talking" Brat, got himself in bug trouble with that sass though he thought iwas a good joke.

 

Your aunt's comment holds no water as we all know. BUt there is some truth to kids listening better to someone other than the parent. The key thing there is though is I don't WANT them listening to someone better, becaue sometimes what they are heariing is not what I want taught kwim.

Oh, yeah. This is EXACTLY how it is.

 

And we've had identical conversations.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your oldest is 5, according to your avatar.

Mine were perfect then too, most of the time. They listened to me, definitely.

 

If you can still say this in 10 years, I will be in awe.

 

Teens really do seem to have a parent-filter that filters out every wise thing we say but when someone else says it, wow...it's a revelation.

 

So annoying.

 

My son is 14.5, so not quite 15. He listens to me, definitely. Perfectly? No. But he does listen. In fact, he argues with me much less than he did when he was a bit younger.

[TranquilMind]

My son is 14.5, so not quite 15. He listens to me, definitely. Perfectly? No. But he does listen. In fact, he argues with me much less than he did when he was a bit younger.

Can I trade my daughter for your son....

 

My son listens to me too, most of the time, though we are in the massive arguing phase just before puberty really hits full swing.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Can I trade my daughter for your son....

 

My son listens to me too, most of the time, though we are in the massive arguing phase just before puberty really hits full swing.

 

What I failed to mention was my 10 year old daughter who is still in the argue with me - and cry - phase. I'm hoping that she grows out of it by age 14.:glare:

[Dmmetler]

What I tell my friends who say that they couldn't teach their kids (based on homework or chores experience) is that homeschooling is more like potty training than homework-that is, it happens when DD is ready to learn and just kind of flows out of our daily life. If I'd had to get her potty trained on a school's schedule, it probably wouldn't have worked easily either-but when she was ready, it didn't take much work. Same with reading, math, or even Latin. It may be different when they're teens, but most of the people I've heard say this have kids my DD's age- so their parents probably did most of the teaching until, oh, about 2 years ago. It's not like there's something magical that happens at age 5. if anything DD was more set on doing things her way and not listening at age 2.

Edited April 10, 2012 by dmmetler

[Lolly]

Your oldest is 5, according to your avatar.

Mine were perfect then too, most of the time. They listened to me, definitely.

 

If you can still say this in 10 years, I will be in awe.

 

Teens really do seem to have a parent-filter that filters out every wise thing we say but when someone else says it, wow...it's a revelation.

 

So annoying.

 

Mine are a bit older than 5. They listen to me. I also listen to them. I am very fortunate that mine missed that parent-filter. :D I always thought it might have something to do with the fact that I have homeschooled them. They have learned that Mama does actually have some brains! Our relationship is very different from the teens I know who attend school outside the house.

 

 

I agree with the poster who said that being able to teach our children has something to do with the fact that we are able to do it during their good hours. It makes a ton of difference.:D

[T'smom]

Your oldest is 5, according to your avatar.

Mine were perfect then too, most of the time. They listened to me, definitely.

 

If you can still say this in 10 years, I will be in awe.

 

Teens really do seem to have a parent-filter that filters out every wise thing we say but when someone else says it, wow...it's a revelation.

 

So annoying.

 

Are you kidding? Your kids were perfect at age 5?!?!? I know tone is hard to convey on the internet- but I'm seriously asking. Because it would be physically impossible for my 4.5 yo son to argue with me more than he does now. If it's going to get worse than this- forget sending him to school, he's going to boarding school. He doesn't have much experience with other authority figures, so I have no idea really how it compares to them- but he fights/argues/questions me on every.single.thing. every.single.day. Today we went to an activity at church and I took a different route to avoid some road construction and he questioned me relentlessly. Y'know how people will say something along the lines of "You just have to keep putting them in time-out so they learn to stay there? It might take 30 times?" Uh, no. With him it took 300 times. But it's not just that- it's every.single.thing. I try to let him choose what clothes to wear, but he WILL try to wear something completely inappropriate like shorts when it's 30 degrees out. He fights over decision- we'll have 10 separate arguments just over getting dressed. And I'm not being unreasonable. He wants to wear rainboots? Fine. He wants to wear clashing colors? Who cares? But he does have to wear weather appropriate clothes, so we fight over socks/no socks, shorts/pants, short-sleeved/long-sleeved, jacket/coat. And food? Forget it- he'll starve himself before he eats something he doesn't want to. On Monday, he'll LOVE PB&J, on Tues. he'll refuse to eat it. Last night, he was asking me what day came after Sunday- so we talked about the days of the week (which is fairly familiar with) and he said "no, that's not all of them- we didn't say 'tomorrow'." I explained the concept of 'tomorrow' patiently about 5 times, then I just said we weren't discussing it anymore and he was literally screaming over it because he was so sure that I was wrong. Yesterday, on the way home from G-mas, he wanted to know how to get there. So we discussed the different towns that we drive through. He said "No, we have to go through X" "No, honey, that's in the other direction. If we went to X we would be going away from G-mas" He screamed about that- insisting that dh and I were way off base. I don't know how many times a day I say "We're not talking about this anymore" and he throws the biggest fits about it.

 

I'm so sorry. I know that this is way long and way off topic, but really, if you -or anyone- have any advice, I'd love to hear it. It just *can't* get any worse. It just can't.

[momtoamiracle]

I've heard LOTS of people say they can't teach their 4,5, and 6 year olds because "they won't learn from me, they won't le me teach them, they won't do work for me."

 

 

I think someone nailed it when they said they might trying to get them to do things the kids aren't ready for, not at the right time because it's after daycare, preschool, work, and the child isn't at the optimal time.

 

 

 

I work around my five year old's needs. He doesn't need to do pages of worksheets. He hates worksheets, and really, what would that accomplish at this stage? I think too, I've been doing informal homeschooling since birth, my child is used to learning from me. We didn't call it school or anything else, I've just introduced him to knowledge. Don't all parents do that?

 

I can see it would be tougher in the older ages tho, especially getting them to do a book report or other such work.

[Lolly]

Are you kidding? Your kids were perfect at age 5?!?!? I know tone is hard to convey on the internet- but I'm seriously asking. Because it would be physically impossible for my 4.5 yo son to argue with me more than he does now. If it's going to get worse than this- forget sending him to school' date=' he's going to boarding school. He doesn't have much experience with other authority figures, so I have no idea really how it compares to them- but he fights/argues/questions me on every.single.thing. every.single.day. Today we went to an activity at church and I took a different route to avoid some road construction and he questioned me relentlessly. Y'know how people will say something along the lines of "You just have to keep putting them in time-out so they learn to stay there? It might take 30 times?" Uh, no. With him it took 300 times. But it's not just that- it's every.single.thing. I try to let him choose what clothes to wear, but he WILL try to wear something completely inappropriate like shorts when it's 30 degrees out. He fights over decision- we'll have 10 separate arguments just over getting dressed. And I'm not being unreasonable. He wants to wear rainboots? Fine. He wants to wear clashing colors? Who cares? But he does have to wear weather appropriate clothes, so we fight over socks/no socks, shorts/pants, short-sleeved/long-sleeved, jacket/coat. And food? Forget it- he'll starve himself before he eats something he doesn't want to. On Monday, he'll LOVE PB&J, on Tues. he'll refuse to eat it. Last night, he was asking me what day came after Sunday- so we talked about the days of the week (which is fairly familiar with) and he said "no, that's not all of them- we didn't say 'tomorrow'." I explained the concept of 'tomorrow' patiently about 5 times, then I just said we weren't discussing it anymore and he was literally screaming over it because he was so sure that I was wrong. Yesterday, on the way home from G-mas, he wanted to know how to get there. So we discussed the different towns that we drive through. He said "No, we have to go through X" "No, honey, that's in the other direction. If we went to X we would be going away from G-mas" He screamed about that- insisting that dh and I were way off base. I don't know how many times a day I say "We're not talking about this anymore" and he throws the biggest fits about it.

 

I'm so sorry. I know that this is way long and way off topic, but really, if you -or anyone- have any advice, I'd love to hear it. It just *can't* get any worse. It just can't.[/quote']

 

 

:grouphug:I gotta tell you, my hardest little kid has been my easiest teen. I think we got all our angst worked out when she was little. Honestly, she has been an absolute angel of a teenager. It is truly almost unbelievable.:grouphug:

[T'smom]

:grouphug:I gotta tell you, my hardest little kid has been my easiest teen. I think we got all our angst worked out when she was little. Honestly, she has been an absolute angel of a teenager. It is truly almost unbelievable.:grouphug:

 

Thank you for the hope. It's been a long few days and the idea that it gets worse almost has me in tears. I pray that this is true for us.

[KungFuPanda]

I hate that people say this. I hate even more that it's sometimes true. My ALWAYS-been-homeschooled teen has been in public high school for just a month. I've lost track of the things she's excitedly told me she learned in school and has NO recollection of learning them at home during middle school. For us, it's been a teen thing. She was a model homeschooler in elementary school. She WAS my easy kid. :glare: SHEESH! We raise her to take charge of her own education and THIS is how she does it?

[TranquilMind]

Lolly: I am very fortunate that mine missed that parent-filter. :D I always thought it might have something to do with the fact that I have homeschooled them. They have learned that Mama does actually have some brains! Our relationship is very different from the teens I know who attend school outside the house.

 

You know, I had this too, and I thought I might have failed (and maybe I have..don't know yet) in letting one of my two go to high school for a particular course of study. Yes, she excelled in the academics...but picked up a lot of attitude. Maybe this is totally my failure.

 

BUT....I have friends who have totally homeschooled, ALL the time, no co-ops even, whose kids have gone haywire in their teens.

 

I have other friends with public schooled teens who didn't have these problems.

 

Obviously, it isn't the schooling choice, though I am certainly glad I had all the younger years through 8th grade. I'm sure it made some difference.

 

I will let you know when I'm on the other side looking at 30 year old kids and some grandkids. Then I will know how I did.

 

I agree with the poster who said that being able to teach our children has something to do with the fact that we are able to do it during their good hours. It makes a ton of difference.:D

[Farrar]

For me, it's an odd balancing act. On the one hand, kids need to listen and respect me as their mother, looking out for their needs and interests. I'm not especially authoritarian, but I do believe in respect.

 

On the other hand, I recognize that family is the place where it all hangs out. All the crazy, worst things you do, you do to family, because you feel safe and unconditionally loved... which is a good thing, even though it's obviously the thing that makes being in a family difficult.

 

I do think this is one of the harder pieces of homeschooling. On the other hand, I think some parents are a bit... I don't know... cowardly is too strong a word, but I think some parents hand off too much of the responsibility for being the adult and working through that tension to make a healthy family.

[Farrar]

Double post

Edited April 10, 2012 by farrarwilliams
Slooooow forums

[TranquilMind]

Lolly: I am very fortunate that mine missed that parent-filter. :D I always thought it might have something to do with the fact that I have homeschooled them. They have learned that Mama does actually have some brains! Our relationship is very different from the teens I know who attend school outside the house.

 

You know, I had this too, and I thought I might have failed (and maybe I have..don't know yet) in letting one of my two go to high school for a particular course of study. Yes, she excelled in the academics...but picked up a lot of attitude. Maybe this is totally my failure.

 

BUT....I have friends who have totally homeschooled, ALL the time, no co-ops even, whose kids have gone haywire in their teens.

 

I have other friends with public schooled teens who didn't have these problems.

 

Obviously, it isn't the schooling choice, though I am certainly glad I had all the younger years through 8th grade. I'm sure it made some difference.

 

I will let you know when I'm on the other side looking at 30 year old kids and some grandkids. Then I will know how I did.

 

[HappyGrace]

I felt that way too......

 

 

til dd hit puberty. Now it's a whole different ballgame.

 

I still hs so we can work thru these things according to the Scriptures so she learns Jesus' way.

 

But I am very very very tired.

[Blessedchaos]

Are you kidding? Your kids were perfect at age 5?!?!? I know tone is hard to convey on the internet- but I'm seriously asking. Because it would be physically impossible for my 4.5 yo son to argue with me more than he does now. If it's going to get worse than this- forget sending him to school' date=' he's going to boarding school. He doesn't have much experience with other authority figures, so I have no idea really how it compares to them- but he fights/argues/questions me on every.single.thing. every.single.day. Today we went to an activity at church and I took a different route to avoid some road construction and he questioned me relentlessly. Y'know how people will say something along the lines of "You just have to keep putting them in time-out so they learn to stay there? It might take 30 times?" Uh, no. With him it took 300 times. But it's not just that- it's every.single.thing. I try to let him choose what clothes to wear, but he WILL try to wear something completely inappropriate like shorts when it's 30 degrees out. He fights over decision- we'll have 10 separate arguments just over getting dressed. And I'm not being unreasonable. He wants to wear rainboots? Fine. He wants to wear clashing colors? Who cares? But he does have to wear weather appropriate clothes, so we fight over socks/no socks, shorts/pants, short-sleeved/long-sleeved, jacket/coat. And food? Forget it- he'll starve himself before he eats something he doesn't want to. On Monday, he'll LOVE PB&J, on Tues. he'll refuse to eat it. Last night, he was asking me what day came after Sunday- so we talked about the days of the week (which is fairly familiar with) and he said "no, that's not all of them- we didn't say 'tomorrow'." I explained the concept of 'tomorrow' patiently about 5 times, then I just said we weren't discussing it anymore and he was literally screaming over it because he was so sure that I was wrong. Yesterday, on the way home from G-mas, he wanted to know how to get there. So we discussed the different towns that we drive through. He said "No, we have to go through X" "No, honey, that's in the other direction. If we went to X we would be going away from G-mas" He screamed about that- insisting that dh and I were way off base. I don't know how many times a day I say "We're not talking about this anymore" and he throws the biggest fits about it.

 

I'm so sorry. I know that this is way long and way off topic, but really, if you -or anyone- have any advice, I'd love to hear it. It just *can't* get any worse. It just can't.[/quote']

 

Well, I don't homeschool anymore, but my oldest sounds very much like your son, especially when he was younger. In fact, the constant arguing with me was a large piece of why we no longer homeschool. It was exhausting and it was hurting our relationship. I really tried everything with him, but I am only human and can only tolerate so much, kwim? I love him dearly, but we really need the separation that school provides. And you know what? He is a model straight A student who listens to his teachers so well that they are always telling me what a great helper and role model he is for the other students. I know he does listen to me and the lessons I teach at home do sink in, but some kids really do listen to other adults better (or at least without constantly interjecting an argument, which impedes learning). I don't think it is me or the way I raised my kids since my other dc do much better in this department; I really think it depends on personality.

 

With the arguing, I have found that stating something matter of fact (without emotion) and not engaging further really works best, but it takes a LOT of discipline and patience with this type of personality. You may want to check out the book "Raising Your Active-Alert Child" and see if it seems to fit your son. It was helpful for me. Oh, and for us, it has gotten better as he gets older. He still has his crazy, argumentative moments (especially now that puberty has hit), but it is more tolerable than when he was little.

Edited April 10, 2012 by Blessedchaos

[sewingmama]

I've heard LOTS of people say they can't teach their 4,5, and 6 year olds because "they won't learn from me, they won't le me teach them, they won't do work for me."

 

 

 

You know what's funny -they only time my kids listen to me is when I am HS them. They listen to their lessons, do the work, take direction (most of the time -not perfectly) but as soon as I turn into "mum" again they go deaf and don't listen to a thing I say :glare:

 

"Monkey's live in the jungle" = "wow, that's really cool mum - you know a lot of stuff"

 

"Go pick up your shoes, clean your room, ask me before you go outside" = eye rolling and ignoring.

 

 

Maybe these mums think because they can't get their kids to clean their rooms means they won't get them to listen to them for anything at all.

 

Well I can't get mine to clean their rooms either but we are still managing to homeschool successfully :lol:

[KungFuPanda]

Are you kidding? Your kids were perfect at age 5?!?!? I know tone is hard to convey on the internet- but I'm seriously asking. Because it would be physically impossible for my 4.5 yo son to argue with me more than he does now. If it's going to get worse than this- forget sending him to school' date=' he's going to boarding school. He doesn't have much experience with other authority figures, so I have no idea really how it compares to them- but he fights/argues/questions me on every.single.thing. every.single.day. Today we went to an activity at church and I took a different route to avoid some road construction and he questioned me relentlessly. Y'know how people will say something along the lines of "You just have to keep putting them in time-out so they learn to stay there? It might take 30 times?" Uh, no. With him it took 300 times. But it's not just that- it's every.single.thing. I try to let him choose what clothes to wear, but he WILL try to wear something completely inappropriate like shorts when it's 30 degrees out. He fights over decision- we'll have 10 separate arguments just over getting dressed. And I'm not being unreasonable. He wants to wear rainboots? Fine. He wants to wear clashing colors? Who cares? But he does have to wear weather appropriate clothes, so we fight over socks/no socks, shorts/pants, short-sleeved/long-sleeved, jacket/coat. And food? Forget it- he'll starve himself before he eats something he doesn't want to. On Monday, he'll LOVE PB&J, on Tues. he'll refuse to eat it. Last night, he was asking me what day came after Sunday- so we talked about the days of the week (which is fairly familiar with) and he said "no, that's not all of them- we didn't say 'tomorrow'." I explained the concept of 'tomorrow' patiently about 5 times, then I just said we weren't discussing it anymore and he was literally screaming over it because he was so sure that I was wrong. Yesterday, on the way home from G-mas, he wanted to know how to get there. So we discussed the different towns that we drive through. He said "No, we have to go through X" "No, honey, that's in the other direction. If we went to X we would be going away from G-mas" He screamed about that- insisting that dh and I were way off base. I don't know how many times a day I say "We're not talking about this anymore" and he throws the biggest fits about it.

 

I'm so sorry. I know that this is way long and way off topic, but really, if you -or anyone- have any advice, I'd love to hear it. It just *can't* get any worse. It just can't.[/quote']

 

 

WOW, I don't miss that. My son acted a lot like that when he was little. He's 11 now, and very rarely has an unreasonable meltdown, but it's in there.

 

For my son, I had to eliminate a LOT of choices. We were all much happier if I just put his food in front of him instead of discussing what he wants. For whatever reason, too many choices led him to behave like a little dictator who expected a say in every little thing. Throw immaturity on top of that and he was very difficult until he was 8. The older he got, the more time we'd get between outbursts.

 

I couldn't tell him if a birthday party was coming. I'd hand him a present to hold and tell him on the way to the event. He really got stuck on things happening exactly the way he imagined they would, so he was on a strictly need-to-know basis. He still thinks I'm driving the wrong way sometimes, but he no longer flips out if I insist he's wrong.

 

If it's any consolation, he's mostly very sweet now and has learned a lot about controlling himself even when he 'feels' like being unreasonable. At 4-6, he just wasn't able to make a decision that mature.

[SKL]

Honestly, this is why I send my kids to music lessons though I have enough knowledge to teach them myself. If they think "I" want them to do something, they feel like they are slaving away for me. If I remind them that Ms. D assigned it and we don't want Ms. D to be disappointed - whole different reaction.

[Tammyla]

:iagree: And will add in my tiny voice...some people aren't cut out to be parents. Just saying...:001_smile:

This is one of those issues that might be true for some parents/kids and not for others. I think that about 99% of the time when people say "I couldn't...." in relation to homeschooling, what they really mean is "I wouldn't want to..." And that's okay, because I truly believe that if you don't really want to homeschool, then you shouldn't be homeschooling. Some people just aren't cut out for it -- both kids and parents.

[Alice]

I have heard people say that too and it does annoy me. I'm a pediatrician and I have a lot of parents who will ask me to tell their kids to do certain things because "if they hear it from you, they will do it". Things like wear a bike helmet, eat your veggies, bathe regularly, etc. I understand to some degree that they are asking for backup but at the same time part of me feels like there is a deeper issue if they need an outside person to tell their kids to bathe.

 

However, I have seen that my kids can be different in other settings. I think it is a little bit of being less relaxed in another environment or seeing someone else as an expert/authority figure and not just mom. Just the other day I was having trouble with my 5 year old so I left the room, came back in and introduced myself as Mrs. _____ , his kindergarten teacher and told him I hoped to be able to give his mother a good report later on how he was doing. He thought it was hilarious and was completely better for the whole lesson. That won't work on older kids or every day on him but he got the point. I have also told my 8 year old when he is being difficult to "pretend like I am one of your co-op teachers or Sunday school teacher and treat me like you would them". He gets the message also.

 

So, while annoying to hear, I do think there is a some truth to the idea that kids are different with other teachers than parents.

[kitten18]

2 reasons:

1. Their experience is helping kids with their homework. You know, yes, that is what we do, really; yes, we wait until kids are cranky and hungry, til their brains have turned off almost completely, and then we try to make them do work that we are not completely sure we understand ourselves. Yup, that's homeschooling alright...not!

 

Ha! The thought of doing homework with DD ..............................:001_huh::willy_nilly:

[J-rap]

If you don't believe this to be true in your case, then don't listen to her. Let it go right over your head. Some kids don't learn well from real teachers.

[AvasMom]

Why do people think this? I hear it all the time. "I can't teach my kids. They don't listen to me." YOU'RE THE PARENT! I get that kids might be too confortable with a parent, but that can easily be overcome. So DD is five and a half and she's not reading. My aunt was acting like DD should be reading by now, even though we're not doing kindergarten curriculum. I told her that DD's just not ready yet. We've tried, but she doesn't grasp how to put sounds together. And then my aunt said, "It's probably b/c you're her parent. She'd probably know it by now if she was in school." :glare: She's not even old enough to be in public K, so the only school she'd be in would be a preschool program.

 

Well, you can tell your aunt that my ds wasn't learning to read when he was with a non-parent teacher but has caught up since I brought him home. So there. :tongue_smilie:

[Debbie in OR]

YOu know what though, sometimes they are right. It grates me to no end when I tell me kids something a 100 times to no avail, but then coach so and so says it once and viola a revelation is had. Most recently this happened with ds13 and scouts. His entire life I have been after him when he goes out to play to tell me where he is going and whome he is going with. EVERYDAY for all the years that he has been old enough to go out an play with out me this have been a thorn in my side because he fails to do so. Grounding etc hasn't worked. Last week at scouts they did survival training and one of the key things they were told is to always tell the people in your home where you are going and while whom everytime you leave the house. Yeah Scout master says it once, he has doneit everyday and proudly told me he got the idea from scout master :001_huh: So I remind him that I have been saying that for years. So he says "Oh is that what you were saying, I usually stop listening as soon as you start talking" Brat, got himself in bug trouble with that sass though he thought iwas a good joke.

 

Your aunt's comment holds no water as we all know. BUt there is some truth to kids listening better to someone other than the parent. The key thing there is though is I don't WANT them listening to someone better, becaue sometimes what they are heariing is not what I want taught kwim.

 

I agree. I hear what the OP is saying and do agree that we are our dc best teacher in that we should be the first person speaking into their lives, deciding when to teach reading, paying attention to the cues that a non-parent teacher won't be invested in looking for.

 

 

However, I do think there is great value in what dh and I call "echoes"...those people who have similar values, beliefs and goals for their dc and who we would love to have "echo" what we are saying to our kids...bc sometimes, they will HEAR it from them, even if we are saying the EXACT same thing. I have stopped being exasperated by this and we actually look for these "echoes" now.

 

 

I do understand that these people are different than impersonal, uninvolved "others" that OP is referring to but wanted to agree with swellmomma that it can be a positive thing to have those "echoes"..

[Parrothead]

Are you kidding? Your kids were perfect at age 5?!?!? I know tone is hard to convey on the internet- but I'm seriously asking. Because it would be physically impossible for my 4.5 yo son to argue with me more than he does now.

I know it is hard. Oh' date=' so very hard, but try not to respond and be drawn into the arguments. [/color']

 

If it's going to get worse than this- forget sending him to school, he's going to boarding school. He doesn't have much experience with other authority figures, so I have no idea really how it compares to them- but he fights/argues/questions me on every.single.thing. every.single.day.

Again, don't respond to fights and arguments. Just quietly and firmly restate what you said. It is hard and odd to not be drawn in at first but (hopefully) he will realize that he can't win that way anymore.

 

Today we went to an activity at church and I took a different route to avoid some road construction and he questioned me relentlessly.

What happens if you don't answer his questioning?

 

Y'know how people will say something along the lines of "You just have to keep putting them in time-out so they learn to stay there? It might take 30 times?" Uh, no. With him it took 300 times. But it's not just that- it's every.single.thing. I try to let him choose what clothes to wear, but he WILL try to wear something completely inappropriate like shorts when it's 30 degrees out. He fights over decision- we'll have 10 separate arguments just over getting dressed. And I'm not being unreasonable. He wants to wear rainboots? Fine. He wants to wear clashing colors? Who cares? But he does have to wear weather appropriate clothes, so we fight over socks/no socks, shorts/pants, short-sleeved/long-sleeved, jacket/coat.

Give him two choices instead of the entire closet. This outfit or this outfit. Nothing else today. Plan on spending your day at home so he sees you mean business. And don't argue about it. Calmly reiterate choice A or choice B.

 

And food? Forget it- he'll starve himself before he eats something he doesn't want to. On Monday, he'll LOVE PB&J, on Tues. he'll refuse to eat it.

How about if you give him two choices? "Lunch today is either PB&J or bologna sandwich. Pick one."

 

Last night, he was asking me what day came after Sunday- so we talked about the days of the week (which is fairly familiar with) and he said "no, that's not all of them- we didn't say 'tomorrow'." I explained the concept of 'tomorrow' patiently about 5 times, then I just said we weren't discussing it anymore and he was literally screaming over it because he was so sure that I was wrong.

But you don't have to prove that he is wrong. Something like this, you know he will eventually get the concept. Just let it go and let him think he is right. You'll never know exactly when he gets it, but sooner or later he will get it.

 

Yesterday, on the way home from G-mas, he wanted to know how to get there. So we discussed the different towns that we drive through. He said "No, we have to go through X" "No, honey, that's in the other direction. If we went to X we would be going away from G-mas" He screamed about that- insisting that dh and I were way off base. I don't know how many times a day I say "We're not talking about this anymore" and he throws the biggest fits about it.

Two different things. You need to work on appropriate behavior when one is frustrated - no fit throwing in public areas (or how ever it is your family handles fits) and the arguing.

 

What if you just asked him to let you know when the car was going through X? "You keep watch and when we get to X, you let us know."

 

I'm so sorry. I know that this is way long and way off topic, but really, if you -or anyone- have any advice, I'd love to hear it. It just *can't* get any worse. It just can't.

Really it is in how you respond. You can only change your behavior and reaction. He will have to either follow along or get left behind.

 

(No, it wasn't a child I had/have who was like this. I dated a guy who was a lot like you describe your little boy. I finally had enough and broke it off with him. You don't get that option though. :grouphug:)

[bkpan]

Your oldest is 5, according to your avatar.

Mine were perfect then too, most of the time. They listened to me, definitely.

 

If you can still say this in 10 years, I will be in awe.

 

Teens really do seem to have a parent-filter that filters out every wise thing we say but when someone else says it, wow...it's a revelation.

 

So annoying.

 

EXACTLY what I was thinking. Give it some more time, OP. You are still in the early years. :)