astrid Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 DD (11) and I were outside in our yard this afternoon. I was picking up sticks that blew down in our many thunderstorms of late, and dd was mowing the lawn. The dogs were out there with us (we have invisible fence.) Along the sidwalk, on their way home from school, came a mom and her two kids, a dd who is Molly's age and her son who is a year younger. They live around the corner from us, but go to the local public school. "Ashley" was in Molly's class until we pulled Molly out to homeschool her. Mom always walks them to and from school, about four blocks away. Every day, the mom is laden with both kids' huge backpacks and any other stuff the kids are bringing home from school, while the kids walk along behind her, not a care in the world, playing their little hand-held video games as they walk. Today, the parade was the same: Mom loaded down like a pack mule, both kids dawdling with their videogames. I told Molly to cut the mower because they were walking by and I didn't want any rocks or twigs or dust to blow on the as they passed. As soon as the engine went off, the mom said, "Oh, Ashley! LOOK what Molly is doing!" Ashley glances up, then goes back to her video game. Mom looks at me and says, "WOW! How do you get her to do that?! And did she do poop patrol [pick up the dog piles] before she mowed, too?!" I replied, trying to be light and casual, "Yes, she did. Mowing and yard cleanup are her chores. Everybody pitches in here! No such thing as a free lunch around here! ha ha ha." Molly then piped up, "I like to mow the lawn.....it's cool to run the machine." Mom then turns around and says, "Ashley! Did you hear THAT?! Molly does CHORES! Like MOWING THE LAWN and picking up after the dogs! You could help out at home a little too!" Lovely little Ashley looks up from her video game and sneers, "Yeah. THAT"LL never happen!!! Keep dreaming, Mom! I'm not your slave!! And GAWWD, MOM! Kevin's backpack is on top of mine, and I've got an art project in mine that's probably getting crushed, so can you put his over your other shoulder?" MOm looked at me and gave me a weak smile, re-adjusted the backpacks as per Ashley's request, and then shrugged her shoulders, palms-up, as if to say, "What can I do?" and asked me how we got Molly to do her chores. I didn't know what to say....though there was so much I WANTED to say! I just shrugged and said something like, "Oh, it's an ancient Chinese secret!" or something like that. UGGHH!! Ummmm......wow. Anyway, just had to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Yikes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genie Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 SuperNanny had an episode recently where a mom was carrying the backpack(s) each day. It amazes me how some parents let their kids run over them like that. Now, I'll bend over backwards for my daughter if she needs me, but she is perfectly capable of carrying her own things, thankyouverymuch! :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I told Molly to cut the mower because they were walking by and I didn't want any rocks or twigs or dust to blow on the as they passed. . Just wanted to give you a :thumbup: for stopping the mower. I can't tell you how many times we've had to cross the street on a walk to avoid blowers/mowers/bug sprayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phred Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Oh.... wow... no wonder we're so screwed up as a society. Oop... hold on, the sun is touching my ds's lawnchair and I have to get him a drink... he likes his cola exactly 43 degrees and I have to pre-chew my dd's bubble gum for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 Oh.... wow... no wonder we're so screwed up as a society. Oop... hold on, the sun is touching my ds's lawnchair and I have to get him a drink... he likes his cola exactly 43 degrees and I have to pre-chew my dd's bubble gum for her. :lol::lol: Then, if you'd be so kind, blow a bubble, carefully remove the wad of gum from your mouth, being careful not to burst the bubble you just blew, insert it into her mouth, then fall all over yourself praising her for what a good job she did blowing that bubble! :lol: And then go mow the **** lawn, Phred. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Does that poor mother have footprints on her back? (shaking head in disbelief) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Lynx Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I never know what to say to those people either. "How do you get him to do chores?" Um ... I ask him to. I might even tell him to. Either way, he does the chores. I can't believe that the girl answered back like that. That "I'm not your slave" bit would have been instant death, here. And I'm a pretty laid-back parent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elbac Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 All right you two, behave! :lol: As for the mom, too bad some people are so blind to their own cluelessness. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 That "I'm not your slave" bit would have been instant death, here. Instant fiery death. This papa bear shoots lasers out of his eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Lovely little Ashley looks up from her video game and sneers, "Yeah. THAT"LL never happen!!! Keep dreaming, Mom! I'm not your slave!! And GAWWD, MOM! Kevin's backpack is on top of mine, and I've got an art project in mine that's probably getting crushed, so can you put his over your other shoulder?" Oh. My. Heck. MamaLynx said it best-INSTANT DEATH. Zapped by mom's laser eye vision instant death ray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Instant fiery death. This papa bear shoots lasers out of his eyes. JINX! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 JINX! You owe me a Mike's! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K&Rs Mom Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I never know what to say to those people either. "How do you get him to do chores?" Um ... I ask him to. I might even tell him to. Either way, he does the chores. I can't believe that the girl answered back like that. That "I'm not your slave" bit would have been instant death, here. And I'm a pretty laid-back parent. Yup, I tell mine to, and they do it because they know it's expected - no secret magical solution. About the slave comment, though, my 5yo recently answered me (in a joking tone), "I am not your Nubian." :lol: I let that one go, being historically appropriate to that week's reading.... ALL parents (and everyone else) reap what they sow - that's why we have to sow carefully! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 You owe me a Mike's! :D I only have a cranberry one left, is that OK? *passes it over* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 And some parents reap what someone else has sown. Just be aware before you judge that you can do a lot right and just a little wrong, and reap a harvest you never expected. Yep, I fully agree that mom is clueless. It's so much easier to start early. Moral--don't wait until you can't control them before you set your boundaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I only have a cranberry one left, is that OK? *passes it over* Works for me! Ahhh.... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genie Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Moral--don't wait until you can't control them before you set your boundaries. :iagree::hurray::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 at the very first of the story, I was sure it was a joke of some sort. I was like, "yeah, right, as IF people carry their kids' backpacks!" It sounds like satire or something. Hard to believe ANYONE would allow ANY of that from their kids! BTW, it sounds like the OP knew the family. I would likely have asked the little girl to please be more respectful when around me if mom didn't immediately execute SOMETHING in the form of discipline. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Boy, that is so true! My kids would NEVER get away with talking to me like that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 My 11yo son *loves* to watch SuperNanny with me. He happily reminds me that "Tonight's Wednesday, Mom! We get to watch SuperNanny, remember?" He is enthralled with the images of trainwreck-families and wants to hear my take on how all the damage could have been avoided and/or handled. I consider it part of his education in how to be a good daddy some day. Your neighbor might want to tune in to a few episodes. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockermom Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I would likely have asked the little girl to please be more respectful when around me if mom didn't immediately execute SOMETHING in the form of discipline. I have been known to do this with my best friend's daughter when she disrespects her mother. I tell her that I don't appreciate/allow disrespect. It worked with her, now if it would only work with my nephew... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheilaZ Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I never know what to say to those people either. "How do you get him to do chores?" Um ... I ask him to. I might even tell him to. Either way, he does the chores. QUOTE] I have the same problem. i fell kind of guilty answering that they are just expected to help around the house. Or we get asked, 'Do you pay them to do chores?" Nope....not until I get paid for doing laundry or cooking dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in the Kootenays Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 His freedom to move out and thus end his share of work comes with his high school graduation. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Well, given the amount of homework that some schools give out these days, and the amount of books older kids are expected to bring home, I miiiiight be convinced to carry backpacks in that situation. But NOT while they walk along playing handheld games, and MOST CERTAINLY NOT with that attitude. Egads. I'm a pretty liberal mom too, but that would never, NEVER fly around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I can't believe that the girl answered back like that. That "I'm not your slave" bit would have been instant death, here. And I'm a pretty laid-back parent. Same here. Except the laid-back part. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 at the very first of the story, I was sure it was a joke of some sort. I was like, "yeah, right, as IF people carry their kids' backpacks!" It sounds like satire or something. Hard to believe ANYONE would allow ANY of that from their kids! BTW, it sounds like the OP knew the family. I would likely have asked the little girl to please be more respectful when around me if mom didn't immediately execute SOMETHING in the form of discipline. I"m the OP....yes, I"ve known them since the little girl was in preschool with my dd. And yes, the mom has been a doormat for her kids all that time. I'd love to have thought on my feet quickly enough to say something about the disrespect that the girl spewed at her mother, but was so taken aback that I didn't get the words out in time. I assure you, the girl did speak to her mother that way, and I assure you, mom was carrying both backpacks. Like a pack mule. Incidentally, this is the mom's second marriage and second set of kids. She has two kids who are much older, in their mid to late 20's, and now these two. I wonder if the two oldest behaved this way, or if it's just the younger ones. (the family moved to the neighborhood about seven years ago, so I never knew the older kids.) Astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I'd love to have thought on my feet quickly enough to say something about the disrespect that the girl spewed at her mother, but was so taken aback that I didn't get the words out in time. I would have been speechless too after hearing that! Wow. What a great kid, not! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Lovely little Ashley looks up from her video game and sneers, "Yeah. THAT"LL never happen!!! Keep dreaming, Mom! I'm not your slave!! And GAWWD, MOM! Kevin's backpack is on top of mine, and I've got an art project in mine that's probably getting crushed, so can you put his over your other shoulder?" Do you know I STILL won't talk to my parents that way, and I'm an adult with 4 children of my own??? I'm sure I would burst into flames immediately and I don't even HAVE to clean their house anymore. I know a family very much like this. She was complaining that her 16 yo didn't get her laundry in the hall for her to do last weekend, so she's been behind all week. As she's saying this my 4yo is putting her laundry away and folding all the towels. I didn't even know how to respond. Why do you think this is so pervasive right now? We all know families with these kinds of dynamics. I don't get it! What kind of mindset makes that the way to go? I adore my children and would do anything in the world for them, but I want them to be capable, responsible adults someday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I think next time you should tell that mom exactly what you are thinking. It is possible she really wants your advice. Seriously. Think of the kindest way to say it, and then next time, say it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Instant fiery death. This papa bear shoots lasers out of his eyes. You know somehow that is just really hard to imagine from your pictures! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Lovely little Ashley looks up from her video game and sneers, "Yeah. THAT"LL never happen!!! Keep dreaming, Mom! I'm not your slave!! And GAWWD, MOM! Kevin's backpack is on top of mine, and I've got an art project in mine that's probably getting crushed, so can you put his over your other shoulder?" :scared: I am afraid I am in the LASER BEAMS OF DEATH OUT MY EYEBALLS camp on that one. I cannot imagine my kid speaking me like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NY Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Just be aware before you judge that you can do a lot right and just a little wrong, and reap a harvest you never expected. . with lots of great quotes. It's so nice to visit with like minded folk sometimes! When my kids give me a hard time about chores (yes, it does happen), I like to remind them that I gave birth to them - a long, arduous painful process and chores are the least they can do for me. Enjoy your day, all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 You know somehow that is just really hard to imagine from your pictures! :tongue_smilie: You've never seen the dreaded Raised Eyebrow of Death . :leaving: <---my kid, who knows it well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 You've never seen the dreaded Raised Eyebrow of Death . :leaving: <---my kid, who knows it well LOL! I love it. Beware the REOD!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andie Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 You've never seen the dreaded Raised Eyebrow of Death . :leaving: <---my kid, who knows it well Careful with that one. It eventually comes back. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My older kids are well-behaved, and polite, but I'm really reaping what I've sown with the baby. She is so smart and adorable until she doesn't get her way about something, then look out. Yesterday, after getting out of the pool, she was screaming because she wanted to have 2 towels, and not leave on for her brother. I just picked one for her, and nursed her to sleep, but she was waking herself up crying, "TOWEL!" She could not believe she was being so mistreated. I called my friend to complain that she won't sit in a high chair to eat. A person has to hold her-not just any person, the one she wants-no matter what they might be doing at the time. My friend said, "Ha! it's your own d@mn fault." I know it is. I think we'll be starting toddler boot camp around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Unreal. Simply unreal. Yes, as my friend Nancy says "Some people make their own trouble." And on that note, I've got to gather my chickens together so we can hang the laundry out to dry! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseballmom Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 This situation reminds me of a book my 12 yo. son and I are reading called "Do Hard Things" by Alex and Brett Harris. It is a book for teenagers teaching them to "rebel" against low expectations, they call it "The Rebelution." I have bought several copies and passed them out to my sons friends. Even the ones who are not christians. Our society believes that the teenage years are a free ticket to goof off. Let's get our kids back on track, and encourage them to Do Hard Things! Stepping down from my soapbox, Dorothy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Did anyone ever see that tv show that was about the pastor and his family--Seventh Heaven? One episode was about a time the kids didn't listen to their mom--really rebelled. As she left the room after talking to them, one said,"We have defied our mother. We shall surely die." Quoted often at our house. Gotta love it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Lovely little Ashley looks up from her video game and sneers, "Yeah. THAT"LL never happen!!! Keep dreaming, Mom! I'm not your slave!! That comment would bring some HUGE repurcussions at our house, AFTER the beati, er, I mean spanks :D. They would include the phrase 'I'm not your slave" only it would be Mama and Daddy saying it. And there would be one tired child after doing schoolwork, HER laundry, HER cooking, and picking up EVERYTHING that belongs to her. Because Hey, Slavery is illegal, right?! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 "We have defied our mother. We shall surely die." :lol: :smilielol5::lol: As the mother of 4 children who tried that very thing today...and are now upstairs putting away 5 loads of their laundry, cleaning up the big pile of THEIR cr*p that I made in the middle of the floor (while pulling out the trash bag to chunk it all into!), pulling weeds in the flower beds AND making the 6 beds I had to fully strip and wash today...I sure do appreciate the quote! :auto: Off to pick up dinner, kick up my heels and have a Mike's! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I only have a cranberry one left, is that OK? *passes it over* Ugh! That is IT! I am offended and I'm not participating in these threads where people are passing around Mike's, ANYMORE! ...because I can't have any :crying: Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Ugh! That is IT! I am offended and I'm not participating in these threads where people are passing around Mike's, ANYMORE! ...because I can't have any :crying: Barb Aww...if it makes you feel better I passed over my last one because I don't want to mix it with my cold medicine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Barb, I'll pick up an extra one for you while I'm out! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Stuff like that makes me wonder what I'm doing that other parents think is crazy. After all, we are all clueless about the things we are clueless about. PlaidDad, I didn't realize I could raise one eyebrow until one day when my then four-year-old went running from the room yelling, "AAAAHHH! THE EYEBROW! THE EYEBROW FACE!" I don't even remember what he was doing. I was stunned. His brothers knew just what he meant, too. I had to go find a mirror and pretend it had done something dreadful. Guess what I saw there? It was my dad's eyebrow. Nobody tell him, okay? That thing still has the power to stop me dead in my tracks and send chills down my spine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 I never know what to say to those people either. "How do you get him to do chores?" Um ... I ask him to. I might even tell him to. I think the trick is to expect them to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Lynx Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Do you know I STILL won't talk to my parents that way, and I'm an adult with 4 children of my own??? I'm sure I would burst into flames immediately and I don't even HAVE to clean their house anymore. I know a family very much like this. She was complaining that her 16 yo didn't get her laundry in the hall for her to do last weekend, so she's been behind all week. As she's saying this my 4yo is putting her laundry away and folding all the towels. I didn't even know how to respond. Why do you think this is so pervasive right now? We all know families with these kinds of dynamics. I don't get it! What kind of mindset makes that the way to go? I adore my children and would do anything in the world for them, but I want them to be capable, responsible adults someday. I know some kids like this. In those instances, the parenting was inconsistent and often more focused on not wanting to upset the child. I'm lazy, yes, but I'm consistent in my expectations in general, my DH backs me up, the kids know they can't play us against each other, and I am so not concerned with upsetting my child. I don't know why, but often in these cases the parents never follow through. The parents direct, the child refuses, the parents do it themselves. The child backtalks, and the parents do nothing, or yell back, but impose no consequences. If consequences are imposed, they are not kept to. As soon as the anger is out of the situation, the consequences are relaxed. That's what the parents are doing. I don't know why they're doing it, but that's *what* I see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 My ds7 (he was 6 at the time) was in a small Cub Scout troop that lumped all the boys together at meetings to do projects. This week they were doing a Wolf/ Bear activity, but he was participating, too, even though he was only a Tiger. The task was to create a list of 4 chores that they could do for 30 days. The mom of two of the Wolf boys (and the leader of the Cubs) said to me, "I don't think my boys even know what a chore is" and the other moms there helping all commiserated about how hard it was having kids and having to do everything for them. Ds didn't know how to write yet, so he asked me to write his list while he dictated it to me and proceeded to list his chores: empty the bathroom and office trash cans, take out the kitchen trash, bring all the dirty laundry to the washer, and put away his clean, folded clothes. He then said, "I wash dishes too, but there's no room on the list for that. Can we add a space?" I told him not to worry about it since he had a list at home that he checked off already. Meanwhile, the other boys were trying to think of chores. One boy (about 10yo) said, "Clean the basement?" and his mother (the leader) said that really wasn't a chore but a one-time job. She suggested things like making the bed, bringing his dirty dishes to the sink when he was done eating, and putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. My ds heard this exchange and whispered in my ear, "Those aren't chores, are they? You're just supposed to do those." The leader overheard him and said, "You're right, they should just do those, but I've taught them to be lazy." Ds smiled and whispered to me, "I'm not lazy, am I?" And the leader answered him and said, "No you're not." Ds was so proud, and so was I. I think this shocked me because these boys were so much older than he was and they had been in Cub Scouts for a couple years, too, so they should have been developing a helpful character. It was sad and frustrating to see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 MOm looked at me and gave me a weak smile, re-adjusted the backpacks as per Ashley's request, and then shrugged her shoulders, palms-up, as if to say, "What can I do?" and asked me how we got Molly to do her chores. I didn't know what to say....though there was so much I WANTED to say! I just shrugged and said something like, "Oh, it's an ancient Chinese secret!" or something like that. UGGHH!! I would have addressed the situation more directly, in part because you do have some relationship with these people. First of all when the girl spoke like that to her mom, I would have said something to the effect of, "What a wretched way to speak to your mom! It hurts my ears having to listen to that." Then when the woman gave me the, "What can I do?" look, I would have tried something alone the lines of, "Do you mind if I share something with you?" (At which point she likely would have given you the go-ahead.) "You're not doing your kids a favor, letting them take advantage of you. Do you want to get together for coffee and talk about some of our parenting challenges and successes?" I honestly would try to connect with this gal because as someone else said, maybe she truly does admire you and want your advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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