Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I HATE that I avoid conflict. I HATE that I get emotional when it can't be avoided. I cried while complaining to a grocery store manager today. I can't tell you how frustrated that makes me *with myself.* I got in the only 'family friendly' line at the grocery store with three boys and a fussy little girl. I unloaded all my groceries on the belt. The gentleman in front of me already had a long transaction with coupons, but then he had something the wrong size for the coupon. The checker (a young guy) sent someone to get a replacement. That took FOREVER. She came back, apparently couldn't find the right thing. They discussed it. Then the checker sent her back for something else! I finally asked the checker if maybe I should move to another line. He said, 'Yeah, that might be a good idea.' :svengo: I reloaded up all my groceries while holding a mad little girl (while the checker and customer just stood there), backed out of the lane with the three boys (there was someone behind us who had to move out of the way), and went to *wait* in another lane. I never complain, but that just frustrated me to no end. So I had to wait for a manager so I could complain. And then I couldn't do it without crying. Good grief!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 :grouphug: That is SO frustrating! Both the line switching as well as crying when I don't want to..... UGH!!! Remember your chocolate!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffeetime Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I would probably cry out of sheer frustration and anger after that. Sometimes people are so clueless. And rude.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Jen* Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I'm the same way and it makes me crazy. If I get upset about anything and have to confront someone I start to cry. The latest was returning a laptop to Staples and having to talk to the General Manager. His assistant manager treated me poorly a few days before when I bought the laptop. I came home that night after dealing with the assistant manager spitting mad. Then when I am trying to tell the Manager how mad I was I start tearing up. UGH - not exactly getting my point across about how mad I am at the way I was treated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarymelon Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 So sorry! I hate that too. I cry in situations like that, turn bright red when I am slightly embarrassed, and start to stutter when I am talking to overly attractive men. I hate it. I am a 35 year old Mother of 4 and it is totally ridiculous, but I can't control it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 :grouphug: I used to do that too, now I just end up sounding snitty and ******. I'm still working on the balance between tears and ripping their heads off. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I get shaky and choked up with emotion during a conflict and can often cry (though in the incident you mentioned I would not). I do not avoid conflict though, if something needs to be said i say it and risk the emotions/shakiness/crying. Usually the crying only happens if I am EXTREMELY angry. The shakiness happens when ever I have to talk to someone in a complaint/conflict manner. BUt I am an emotional person all the time not just in conflict situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skirch Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 :grouphug: I am the same way, it's extremely frustrating. Makes me so mad ~ then I cry some more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Yeah, I do a lot. I hate it. My mind also goes blank. I'm not only crying, but I can't think of what I want to say. Sometimes it's helpful, though. Once when I was single I had to take my car in and the car place said they had a free shuttle service. So, I didn't make other arrangments to get to work. But, then they said they didn't go to that town (it was nearby) and I started crying. I guess the guy didn't know what to do with a crying woman, so they took me to work.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 :grouphug: YES!!! It aggravates me terribly! For one thing, I feel that I'm not taken as seriously when I get emotional, and of course when I'm fighting back tears, I can't express myself as well. :glare: My husband I joke about my conflict avoidance. I have literally caused arguments by trying to avoid them. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I can't cry in front of others really. I think that you do is pretty normal. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Yes, I do that at times too. When I have to confront someone that I know, I really lose it. I think that you had the right to be upset. They should have cashed him out and he could have paid for that separately.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I am like that. I cry in anger, sadness, frustration, stress. I am not weak but I'm sure it looks that way! And something like that happened to me last night. Very frustrating. I didn't talk to anyone about it though, just silently fumed. If I had to talk to someone I probably would have cried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted March 8, 2012 Author Share Posted March 8, 2012 I am like that. I cry in anger, sadness, frustration, stress. I am not weak but I'm sure it looks that way! . Exactly!! It's nice to know I'm not the only one!! Thanks for the commiseration, everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I do it too, all the time! I spent four hours with at&t trying to fix a mistake on our bill. They passed me from person to person amd then back to same department so many times, when I finally got a manager I was so angry all I could do was cry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltop Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I am the same way and I find it to be frustrating and embarrassing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I get shaky and choked up with emotion during a conflict and can often cry (though in the incident you mentioned I would not). I do not avoid conflict though, if something needs to be said i say it and risk the emotions/shakiness/crying. Usually the crying only happens if I am EXTREMELY angry. The shakiness happens when ever I have to talk to someone in a complaint/conflict manner. BUt I am an emotional person all the time not just in conflict situations. I am the same way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Yes and I hate it. Wish I could figure out a way not to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker25 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 YES! And I am not a crying person. The only time I really cry is when I'm mad/frustrated. Usually when DH and I are arguing. Because he knows I don't cry a lot he used to think I was trying to be manipulative. Then he saw me do it at church when I had to confront someone. I think he also saw it a few other times and finally realized it's just what I do. I remember one time I walked out on a job when I was working. The emotional abuse and stress were too much and I just left. The VP of the company and I had some words and he accused me of stuff that never happened and he KNEW it never happened. It was the last straw. I just left. I was a REALLY good employee and apparently there was a lot of backlash over this. The President of the company called me in the next day and asked me to meet with him. We talked for a couple of hours and he apologized to me that I'd had to deal with all of the B.S. he and two people from corporate asked me to come back. I agreed and he asked me to have a sit down with the V.P. and try to talk through what had happened. I sat down with the V.P. on my first day back. He said, "I would have never let you come back." I burst into tears and for the next hour I could not stop crying. He even apologized towards the end and said maybe he should have handled it differently. I felt like a fool. I really did feel manipulative that day, but I swear I was in no way trying to manipulate the situation! It was so embarrassing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I also cry during conflict. I can't stop it. I hate that I do. It looks manipulative and then I cry worse because I don't want people to think that. i just can't handle stress and pressure. I laugh hysterically when I have to give bad news. It's horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I just walked out of our pads office, in tears. This is not like me at all but I think it's the stress I'm under. Maybe I was being unreasonable about wanting the third child to have a script for an antibiotic - two tested positive for strep, the third negative but is showing symptoms - and he lectured me and basically called me a lousy mother - saying I wanted a script so I didn't have to bring the third child back to the doctor and that I could cause my third to have an analytic reaction and... It was utterly ridiculous. On a normal day I would have gathered the kids and walked out, telling the receptionist to have the Doctor call me later and to note I would never see this other Doctor again but all I could do was sit there and cry. I tried to explain the situation to him - when one gets strep they all eventually get it and have bizarre complications. No one has been on antibiotics here in four months (the last time - strep), I have to take care of my grandmother - end stage pancreatic cancer - my mother's mess she left behind when she died in Dec and a dear family friend has just been moved to hospice. I don't have the time to take him back to the Doctor when he eventually will test positive or to expose my grandmother to strep. And if they get it - then I wind up with it - always - unless I get them treated promptly. I've been a sobbing mess since. DH is spitting nails and wanting me to write a letter but I bawl every time I try to do it. Didn't mean to hijack. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I just walked out of our pads office, in tears. This is not like me at all but I think it's the stress I'm under. Maybe I was being unreasonable about wanting the third child to have a script for an antibiotic - two tested positive for strep, the third negative but is showing symptoms - and he lectured me and basically called me a lousy mother - saying I wanted a script so I didn't have to bring the third child back to the doctor and that I could cause my third to have an analytic reaction and... It was utterly ridiculous. On a normal day I would have gathered the kids and walked out, telling the receptionist to have the Doctor call me later and to note I would never see this other Doctor again but all I could do was sit there and cry. I tried to explain the situation to him - when one gets strep they all eventually get it and have bizarre complications. No one has been on antibiotics here in four months (the last time - strep), I have to take care of my grandmother - end stage pancreatic cancer - my mother's mess she left behind when she died in Dec and a dear family friend has just been moved to hospice. I don't have the time to take him back to the Doctor when he eventually will test positive or to expose my grandmother to strep. And if they get it - then I wind up with it - always - unless I get them treated promptly. I've been a sobbing mess since. DH is spitting nails and wanting me to write a letter but I bawl every time I try to do it. Didn't mean to hijack. :grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jsh626 Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I cry when I'm frustrated - which drives my husband nuts. We'll be "intellectually engaged" (ie, he's telling me why I'm wrong about something), and I start off laughing - but it's not "ha-ha" laughing. It's "you're-about-to-push-me-over-the-emotional-edge" laughing. And then, sure enough, he crosses the invisible line, and I'm bawling like a baby. The flip side of this, is I laugh hysterically when I'm accused of lying. Nothing more convincing than laughing while defending yourself from false accusations. <------ (You can't tell, but I typed this last part using my "sarcasm font.") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 That happens to me too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I actually can't think of the last time I saw an adult of either gender cry. Probably when my Dad died a couple of years ago. I don't cry when in conflict. I do hate conflict, it just doesn't make me cry, and if I were the manager in that situation, I would assume that there was more going on in your life - that you were sick, had a pet die - something like that. I wouldn't think bad of you or treat you like you are not relevant or serious. I just would try to make you feel better about the situation and would apologize and try to get you out of the store because I would assume you were really on the edge. This has to be a hormonal thing - don't you think? It seems like a lot of women are saying they do cry, and they don't want to cry. So it must feel beyond their control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maverick_Mom Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I burst into tears a few months ago at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles. I'd tried to resolve a conflict and couldn't, and as I was heading out the door I just lost it. (People were looking at me sympathetically, and part of me hoped that the Mean DMV Clerk felt terrible about how distraught I was. But I don't think so. When I returned a couple of weeks later, I had to deal with the same clerk and he hassled me again. This time, however, I prevailed, so no tears. ;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrn Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Yes I do. It frustrates me to no end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I don't cry when I'm angry or frustrated. I cry while reading books or watching movies. I cry when I think about hypothetical situations. That one really makes dh :confused:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Yes, and I hate that about myself. I get the LEAST bit angry and I start to cry. Which totally reduces my argument to nothing...:glare: OR, Worse, I laugh. I have laughed while getting a ticket, and sat there and explained to the cop that I really didn't think it was funny, that Dh was going to kill me (because we really didn't have the $ ) but I could NOT stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Do you get emotional/cry in conflict situations? No. I either get über-rational, moderately b*tchy, or some variation upon a Seinfeld theme. But you probably could've guessed that about me.:D Sorry you had that annoying situation at the store, my friend. Having a posse of children along ~ one of whom was irritable ~ is bound to exacerbate the stress. Hugs to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 When I'm absolutely furious, yup. One of the reasons I avoid dealing w/MIL :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Onceuponatime Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I actually can't think of the last time I saw an adult of either gender cry. Probably when my Dad died a couple of years ago. I don't cry when in conflict. I do hate conflict, it just doesn't make me cry, and if I were the manager in that situation, I would assume that there was more going on in your life - that you were sick, had a pet die - something like that. I wouldn't think bad of you or treat you like you are not relevant or serious. I just would try to make you feel better about the situation and would apologize and try to get you out of the store because I would assume you were really on the edge. This has to be a hormonal thing - don't you think? It seems like a lot of women are saying they do cry, and they don't want to cry. So it must feel beyond their control. No, I don't think it is hormonal at all. I think it has to do with personality types. I've always been this way myself and I've always hated it. Just in the last year, I've come to terms with the fact that I probably always am going to spontaneously cry in over-tense situations. Especially if the spot light is on me in some way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I don't cry but my voice cracks and squeaks as I try to talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Ugh, I always cry, or my face gets red. I hate it. Sometimes I shake, not so everyone can see, but inside. Not out of anger, just emotion. And usually the people that are on the other end of the conflict are as very stone faced and non emotional. That makes it worse. I try to avoid conflict to the point of being a cream puff, but when it comes to defending or helping my kids or dh, mommy lion comes out. Other than that, yeah...I avoid conflict like the plague. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I mean, personality types span the genders, but crying a lot seems like a mostly female thing in adults. I have three boys, and I know boys cry, but they seem to stop crying when they are stressed or angry as adults. So when I say it might be hormonal, I don't mean that women cry more at certain times of the month (though I bet many do) but more that women just cry more than men, it seems, and perhaps there is a physiological reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/12/18/john-boehner-crying-why-do-women-cry-more-than-men.html This touches on why women maybe are physiologically more likely to cry than men are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicMom Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I have done this before. AND start sweating... and shaking... and my voice gets really gravelly. :lol: Thankfully, I only usually get this mad at my dh. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CatholicMom Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Yeah, I do a lot. I hate it. My mind also goes blank. I'm not only crying, but I can't think of what I want to say. Sometimes it's helpful, though. Once when I was single I had to take my car in and the car place said they had a free shuttle service. So, I didn't make other arrangments to get to work. But, then they said they didn't go to that town (it was nearby) and I started crying. I guess the guy didn't know what to do with a crying woman, so they took me to work.:001_smile: LOL :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 When I am at my angriest, I can't speak without crying. Very frustrating. I think it has more to do with personality than hormones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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