bettyandbob Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Ds 17 came out of his room this morning after some prodding. He opened his presents and then tried to leave. :glare: He did sit down with us a little bit when asked. He did sit down and did not argue, so I'm not mad, I just wish it wasn't this way. Why would he even think it was OK to leave? Oh, well, I guess he's still learning at which events he must pretend to like us. I think once he has it figured it out, he'll also have grown out of his current adolescent personality and may actually enjoy being with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyz Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 My son is 7, but we have some teenagers in our extended family who we just saw for Christmas. It's amazing to me how they went from these cute, sweet, kids to total anti social, rolling eyes, get me out of here, teenagers. This year, they both sat on the couch, one had a hoodie on his head, neither of them smiled once, and wanted nothing more than to leave. Is this typical? Is there any way to prevent this from happening with my son? lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Yep. I replied to you in my other thread about boons and busts. I have one of those too. I had to keep hollering up the stairs for him to please come down and spend Christmas with the family instead of brooding in his room. He wasn't entirely rude. He said thank you for his gifts before obsconding to his room. And he came down when he smelled food or thought he heard food wrappers being opened.:tongue_smilie::glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 25, 2011 Author Share Posted December 25, 2011 And he came down when he smelled food or thought he heard food wrappers being opened.:tongue_smilie::glare: Yes, the smell of food draws the male adolescent from his room. Often that is the sum total of his conversation "Food?" I do have hope that this phase will pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 My son is 7, but we have some teenagers in our extended family who we just saw for Christmas. It's amazing to me how they went from these cute, sweet, kids to total anti social, rolling eyes, get me out of here, teenagers. This year, they both sat on the couch, one had a hoodie on his head, neither of them smiled once, and wanted nothing more than to leave. Is this typical? Is there any way to prevent this from happening with my son? lol! It doesn't have to be that way. My teen doesn't do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 This year, they both sat on the couch, one had a hoodie on his head, neither of them smiled once, and wanted nothing more than to leave. Grr! Ds has started wearing his hoodie indoors. I treat them like hats: no head covering inside. We've started hearing more grumping as well. I'm not looking forward to the teen years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 25, 2011 Author Share Posted December 25, 2011 It doesn't have to be that way. My teen doesn't do that. I think you are blessed. I look at a lot of families and I can't really see a formula that perfectly prevents a brooding stage. Some kids do it. Some don't. I believe there are some personalities that may lead to this more than other personalities, but there is no perfect home life formula. Adolescence is just plain hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I don't have teens, but we spent last night at my aunt's house, and my cousins' teens were in resplendent teen form last night, alternating between surly one word answers and openly mocking the uncoolness of their elders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I think you are blessed. I look at a lot of families and I can't really see a formula that perfectly prevents a brooding stage. Some kids do it. Some don't. I believe there are some personalities that may lead to this more than other personalities, but there is no perfect home life formula. Adolescence is just plain hard. :iagree: I have one (the 18yo) who has *never* been that way and I couldn't imagine him doing what the OP posted. However, I could see the next one down being that way - he just has a different personality. Time will tell - he's not quite 14 yet!:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 25, 2011 Author Share Posted December 25, 2011 I don't have teens, but we spent last night at my aunt's house, and my cousins' teens were in resplendent teen form last night, alternating between surly one word answers and openly mocking the uncoolness of their elders. ds is not that bad. He knows to at least feign interest in the homes of relatives. I don't know if he's actually interested in being there, if he's not, it's a good act. Usually visiting relatives involves food, so I think that helps. He also dislikes hoodies and now keeps a military style haircut, so that helps too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 :grouphug: I'm sorry. My 15yo is as talkative and silly as ever with us and with his friends. But, being an Asperger/ADHD guy, he's not comfortable with people he doesn't know well, or who he can't "read" or predict how they'll behave. And he is very uncomfortable, for some reason, with older people, no matter how nice they are. :confused: So although he appears to be a sullen teen in some settings, he's very friendly and sociable with his parents. Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 It doesn't have to be that way. My teen doesn't do that. Yay you!:D My oldest will be 17 very very soon and this is a somewhat recent phenomena for him. My other 2 teens don't do it. At least, not yet anyways.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 BTDT, getting better. Then again, ds will be 19 in February and lives out of state at college. Just remember, this too shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyz Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 BTDT, getting better. Then again, ds will be 19 in February and lives out of state at college. Just remember, this too shall pass. Yes! The older cousin in the family went through this and is now in his fourth year of college and is a joy to have around. It's nice to have a reminder that it does pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Times like that they are lacking either self-confidence, bored to tears, have cooler distractions elsewhere (hence why our children only have electronics in the family room), being Boorish and self-centered, or disheartened... I take out my arrows and see what works...this year it was giving my son a bigger athletic outlet, rowing...huge change in attitude.. 5 days of working out puts things into perspective and exercise in general is an attitude changer!. Other arrows... Hugs and love, taking a measurable action to get involved with his interests Service...when 3 miles down the road families lst lives and homes in tornadoes, volunteering to pick up the wreckage makes you more appreciative. attitude check...we tolerate a small amount of boorishness, very small..when it starts to become noticed..we have heart to hearts...why we expect what we do...for us it is about living out a life that honors and glorifies our Father in our hearts..we do not live for self but as a servant...when we look at how much God has never failed us, can we not try harder to meet his heart? The first trick is identifying in our own lives where we have failed...our son knows we as parents struggle throughout our lives, giving him the tools to recognize how to overcome them is essential. Kids have too many distractions that are not healthy, video games, facebook, texting, websites, etc...find out what he prefers to do and see if its worthwhile or not...everyone needs alone time, just make sure it is healthy alone time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 LOL - I prayed all last night and this morning my teens would behave. They (one in particular) have been so grumpy lately, driving dh stark, raving mad. The morning was a success. My oldest hugged me and loved his gift. The youngest didn't complain too much (he's a happy guy, but tends to say whatever crosses his mind negative or positive), and the middle one actually smiled, talked and was helpful. A Christmas miracle! I have no idea what is up with teens, why they're grumpy, why they are so self-absorbed, etc. I am perversely glad that it isn't just mine and human enough to be happy that other people are reporting worse behavior in their kids. And for those of you whose teens are outgoing, smiley and loving all the time - I hope you are on your knees nightly saying thanks for the blessing! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 Mine has been in the basement all day because he's philosophically opposed to Christmas:glare:. He hasn't argued or been surly so it's all good for me. He asked for no presents so I didn't call him. One day he'll be 27 and laugh at himself. I know someone (ok, me) that acted that way and came around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 (edited) My dd19 was at her dad's house, so she doesn't figure into this. This morning at 10:00am, I had to wake up dd13 and ds15, which was no surprise. Everyone was calm and everyone got a drink before we sat down to gifts. We opened them slowly, talking about them as we went along. Each had 6 gifts to open. We were done in 20 minutes. By the half hour mark, they were back in their rooms, DH was working on his new watch, and I was playing a new computer game. About half an hour later, dd13 came out and played with me for a while. That was actually more than I expected, so I'm happy. We did play games yesterday and the kids are looking forward to the Doctor Who Christmas special tonight. Other than that, today isn't really different from any other day. But I expected that and therefore I wasn't disappointed. ETA: Oh, my kids aren't moody, surly, or whatever you want to call it. They just prefer being in their rooms more than in being in the family room. Ds15 is an Aspie and prefers being alone. Dd13 alternates her time between talking with friends, listening to music, or reading. I'm just not the popular one anymore. Edited December 25, 2011 by Night Elf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenvneck Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 My teens have never done that at Christmas (not saying they haven't done it occasionally on other days!). I'm knocking on wood that the other don't, either. Hope the rest of your family day is better than the morning went! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose in BC Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 LOL - I prayed all last night and this morning my teens would behave. They (one in particular) have been so grumpy lately, driving dh stark, raving mad. The morning was a success. My oldest hugged me and loved his gift. The youngest didn't complain too much (he's a happy guy, but tends to say whatever crosses his mind negative or positive), and the middle one actually smiled, talked and was helpful. A Christmas miracle! I have no idea what is up with teens, why they're grumpy, why they are so self-absorbed, etc. I am perversely glad that it isn't just mine and human enough to be happy that other people are reporting worse behavior in their kids. And for those of you whose teens are outgoing, smiley and loving all the time - I hope you are on your knees nightly saying thanks for the blessing! :lol: Oh my I prayed all Thursday night. I have one teen who has the ability of sabotaging special occasions. Honestly I actually went to bed a bit fearful of what was to come. . . Christmas Eve . . Perfect! The best one we've had in years. (Christmas Eve is our big celebration.) Today. . . so far so good. Dinner is in a couple of hours and we're joining friends so I'm hopefully the day will end well. Parenting teens can be trying. On so many levels I love it a lot but when there are challenges it can be overwhelming. One day at a time . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I made it clear to my teen that he had to be present and accounted for during all gift opening, and he had to act polite and interested. Faking enthusiasm is entirely acceptable around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 It doesn't have to be that way. My teen doesn't do that. Mine never did either. I think you are blessed. Yes, I am blessed, and I know it. Our kids are great. We have friends with teens who are "broody", and it's not pleasant to be around. I look at a lot of families and I can't really see a formula that perfectly prevents a brooding stage. Some kids do it. Some don't. I believe there are some personalities that may lead to this more than other personalities, but there is no perfect home life formula. Adolescence is just plain hard. Adolescence IS hard. Maybe being broody is a personality thing; I tend to think it's more of an adolescent thing, but it's not that way in all adolescents. We laid the groundwork much earlier than adolescence as to what is acceptable in our home and what's not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuvingLife Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 I don't do that at all! Nobody in my family does that, but I do have friends that are like that and I don't understnad why....???:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I totally agree with "ereksmom". I have two daughters and they have never, praise the Lord, acted like that in any situation. I would have their heads if they did, and they know that. I know I am blessed and I am very thankful and grateful that my girls are so well behaved. The most I ever get (and it's usually from the 17 year old) is a snotty attitude and it is always around "that time of the month" but it's quick and it's over with even quicker so I don't get too upset. I guess I'm a strict parent...one example...they are not allowed to wear their IPods into the store or in public. I think it's rude and they know it, so they don't do it. OP, i'm sorry you're having a struggle with your son, it will get better don't worry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Mine was like this in past years, but has seen us very little this past semester and has actually hung out with us quite a lot (most of the time) during the couple of short weeks he's been able to be home. He has to leave early in the morning, and we're really going to miss him. It does get better with time! He's 19 now, by the way.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Yes, it's rude. It's also rude when two year olds melt down, four year olds have huge tantrums about whether their brother got a better toy, 6 year olds ask Granma why she's so wrinkly etc. You will meet a lot of people will sniff and say, "My kids never had trantrums." And actually, my children really never did. But at every age, our children will do thing that we wish we wouldn't - so I have had my share of embarrassments and frustrations. Your son stayed when you gently encouraged him to do so. You showed him what would be more acceptable behavior, and he mostly stepped up to do it, even though it's sort of perplexing to even HAVE to tell him. But I find it perplexing to have to remind an 11 year old to wear deodorant. I guess I am just saying not to take it personally. They still need parents at 17:) And he probably likes you - he's just in his own mental world. I am going to admit that I also retired to my bedroom today despite a lot of company still being there. I just need some alone time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Mine has been in the basement all day because he's philosophically opposed to Christmas:glare:. He hasn't argued or been surly so it's all good for me. He asked for no presents so I didn't call him. One day he'll be 27 and laugh at himself. I know someone (ok, me) that acted that way and came around. I'm very curious what he's opposed to, can I ask? Is it commercialism or what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 My oldest was a snot at Christmas from around 17 until 20. She seems a little better this year. The other three teens/preteens in my house are helpful, appreciative, and joyful throughout Christmas eve. In our case it's part nature (she spectrum) and part nurture. Birth order can contribute to entitlement and/or special snowflake syndrome :D ETA: We love her, but it's who she is. I'm hoping she'll fully come around with age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommy4ever Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 It's interesting how they are at different times. My ds17 is actually quite a joy to be around. We have to tone him down every now and then as he can get a little reactive..lol. He does get moody, but he enjoys being with the family most of the time. He graduates and will be attending trade school in the fall.... I imagine he is saving to move out, so we are trying to acclimate to the changes to come. DD14 loves to be with us as well. She is a huggie girl, she can carry a conversation with adults and younger ones alike. She's very social, and will meet her social needs with all ages. My most troublesome one is dd12. I've been observing her, and she seems to have sensory issues. We watched a movie last night at the theatre, and she watched with her ears plugged. This morning at church, she had to trade places because the person next to her was 'too close'. There was a purse between them. She can often end a great family day with a meltdown. last night she was great, and today, other than the episode with the crowding, she has been fine. We'll see at bedtime. The little one is only 8 so I don't know what she'll be like. Today the kids have alternated between sitting with me, or with dh. The 3 girls have almost been together all day. DS has been rearranging his furniture with his dad. The guys are playing video games and dd14 is being extra eyes. DD12 and dd8 are listening to music and playing games. Mom is ready for bed...lol. soon, I'll be able to sneak to bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 This is what my teens did today.. My 17 year old ds told his girlfriend she could come to our family Christmas party without asking us. Imagine our suprise when she showed up, and all ds17 said was "Sorry I forgot to tell you she was coming" Yeah he heard it after everyone left.. My 14 year old dd was being dramatic and got in a disagreement with my 11 year old nephew and went and sat in her room for 45 minutes until I went and talked to her. One day at a time, right? :glare: :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I think you are blessed. I look at a lot of families and I can't really see a formula that perfectly prevents a brooding stage. Some kids do it. Some don't. I believe there are some personalities that may lead to this more than other personalities, but there is no perfect home life formula. Adolescence is just plain hard. Bless you, Betty. Just....bless you and thank you. That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 they have always participated wholeheartedly in family functions. We have a VERY social family though, and I really don't think I'd tolerate anything less. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I think you are blessed. I look at a lot of families and I can't really see a formula that perfectly prevents a brooding stage. Some kids do it. Some don't. I believe there are some personalities that may lead to this more than other personalities, but there is no perfect home life formula. Adolescence is just plain hard. I was responding to the poster who I quoted. She referenced sweet kids who turn into eye-rolling anti-social teens she's known and wondered if that's typical. I feel like that's become an unfair stereotype of teenagers so I responded that it's not always that way, meaning I don't think that it's a given that it always has to be that way simply because a kid is teen aged. I absolutely agree with everything you said. I don't think there's a perfect parenting formula that = wonderful, easy kid. My teen disabused me of that notion. He's not a brooder but he's done other things I wouldn't have expected that disappointed and hurt me. He's human and I'm human and neither of us will be perfect. I've posted many times about how hard parenting a teen is. So I apologize if my response seemed like commentary on your parenting. I was naking, typing one-handed, and was too succinct. Yay you!:D I really appreciate how patient and kind Betty was in her response when I came across badly. It wasn't intended as self-congratulatory, I'm sorry it came across that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I really appreciate how patient and kind Betty was in her response when I came across badly. It wasn't intended as self-congratulatory, I'm sorry it came across that way. :001_huh: I said "yay you!" a sincere and happy I'm glad it's not where you are right now.:D And I went on to actually agree with you that it isn't always like that, noting that this is somewhat recent for my 17 year old son (so its not like he has been this way for 4 years) and my other 2 teens are not at all brooding. Yet anyways.;) I'm sorry if it came across some other way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 :001_huh: I said "yay you!" a sincere and happy I'm glad it's not where you are right now.:D And I went on to actually agree with you that it isn't always like that, noting that this is somewhat recent for my 17 year old son (so its not like he has been this way for 4 years) and my other 2 teens are not at all brooding. Yet anyways.;) I'm sorry if it came across some other way. It's me, totally me. I had an awful Christmas. I'm hurt about a family situation. I'm sure I'm being overly sensitive. I thought you were being sarcastic. I'm sorry! I even drank a Heineken but it didn't help apparently. I need to learn not to talk when I'm in a mood, just read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 My oldest is only 12 and he was at his dad's today...but I remember being 17 and having to be prodded to come open gifts on Christmas morning and then retreating to anywhere that wasn't with my family as soon as I finished. This too shall pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Even my difficult teen isn't THAT bad. He spent a lot of time with us this morning, willingly and even joyfully, before having some social-networking and computer-playing time this afternoon. Then he even joined us for a Christmas movie tonight, all with no eye-rolling! I think teens who are very anti-social have gotten a bit too detached from the family and need to learn some empathy (and lose some of the egocentrism)... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 Grr! Ds has started wearing his hoodie indoors. I treat them like hats: no head covering inside. I don't understand what's wrong with sweatshirt and/or hats indoors. That's social more I'd like to break! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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