anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 P.S. I don't really like that word, but can't think of another. Backstory: My cousins wife decided that we should all have Christmas at my aunt's house this year. My grandmother wanted to have Christmas at her house for one last year. We have been going to her house for my entire life and then some. Grandmother and Aunt live next store to each other and we actually prefer to be at my aunt's house. Ultimately no problem there with the exception that cousin's wife told my grandmother and didn't really give her a choice. Said wife then decided that she would be in charge of handing out food assignments and run the show. That has resulted in my nerves being grated the wrong way, because I don't feel as if it is her place. It's primarily and attitude that she is now going to make Christmas be how she wants it to be. A small side note is that if we are now expected to bring food, which we never were before, I'd like it to be something that I actually want to eat. I don't at all mind bringing food, but previously there were very few things that I would have eaten being served. Here is her email and my response. What says the Hive? Hi Everybody!, I believe I have talked to all of you at one point or another in the last week and half about Christmas dinner being held at the XXX House this year. Gommy is still making Old Faithful if you want to head up to her house in the morning. Shelley will be having a brunch of sorts at her house but not sure on the time. Regarding the menu for dinner: I listed items by your name for you to bring, if you want to switch with someone else, you can do that or if you want to bring something more you can. When replying, can everyone press the "reply all" button so communication is clear? Shelley and Gary: You are hosting and providing brunch so WE don't want you to make anything for dinner. Gommy is making pumpkin pie Bryan and Lisa: Roasted Pork Loin, Gravy, Sauteed Mushrooms, Erin: Mashed Potatoes Nicki: Stuffing Emily:1 large green salad (with a lot of nuts, fruit and vegetables), cranberry sauce Taylor: Sweet Potato Wedges, Roasted Vegetables Tom and Paula: Rolls (maybe half of them be whole wheat?), Apple cider, if there is something else you want, please feel free to bring it=) Jeff and Barbara: Gingered Mashed Sweet Potatoes, sauteed green bean dish (Barb I think you had mentioned the green beans and they sounded awesome to me) Thoughts? Lisa Happy Holidays! Tom and Paula don't usually stay for dinner, as such they might like to be exempted from bringing dinner items. Maybe a small snack for the day time. I'll bring an additional side dish (TBD) and some Christmas treats. I will also bring artichoke dip. It might be nice to have more than one dessert choice. WARNING - I apparently have a lot to say about sweet potatoes tonight. It might be preferable to have only one sweet potato dish. Maybe we should choose between wedges or mashed. I do have an excellent maple sweet potato recipe if anyone is interested. My vote would be for a non mashed item if we're going to do mashed potatoes. Alternately maybe one of the sweet potato people would like to bring a fruit plate? Green beans sound great, it's one of the boys favorite vegetables. Are there any specific allergies that we should worry about? I know that Shelley won't be able to eat the potatoes and Jeff can't have sesame. Did I miss anything? Auntie Shelley - What time should we plan on? Looking forward to seeing everyone next week! Love to you all My other Aunt then responded: Hello Everyone!! In response to Erin's request regarding sweet potatoes-- Suggestion-- Erin, why don't you make the Maple Sweet Potato recipe you mentioned as your side dish. It is probably a favorite with the boys and we will bring the green beans and another vegetable dish. Reminder--Please NO sesame seed top breads or sesame oil in anything as Jeff is deathly allergic. thanks. Barbara ***Merry Christmas Everyone*** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Anything other than, "I'm sorry, who made you boss of our family?" is nicer than I would have been. I can't believe she is micromanaging her in-laws Christmas party!?! (Well, actually I can, you see women like this all the time.) You weren't snarky in the least. I can't believe you were so nice. :001_smile: I like to micromanage the menu at my own house, so I cook it all. :D I can't imagine assigning people to bring what I want. Is you grandmother not capable of planning the celebration? Or the aunt who is hosting now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 When I read the first e-mail my immediate thought was that you were a serious sweet potato eating family. I think your response is completely fine. You sound willing to pitch in and concerned that all family members are cared for with diet and allergies. I hope you have a lovely day! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I think that you need to give up trying to control this dinner. She sounds like she's genuinely trying to keep the food safe allergy wise and is trying to have people bring some of their favorite recipes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 You sound perfectly gracious to me. I like Angela's "Who made you boss?" comment, that would have been REALLY hard not to include. Hope your family has a good Christmas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 You're definitely kinder than my first reaction, which was "Who died and left you God?" It doesn't look snarky to me. It looks more like you're offering a reasonable suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Is your cousin's wife named Marney? The Thanksgiving Letter I think your other Aunt is trying to set the tone for everyone (grimly cheerful, forge on), so I would support her with that as far as possible. You weren't rude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Are these people known to make this stuff? If not, I think it's nuts to tell people what to make. I would not make what I was told if it wasn't something I was known to make or knew how to make. Also, I hope people know to read the labels of the bread products for sesame. Just because there aren't any on the bun doesn't mean it isn't contaminated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I think that you need to give up trying to control this dinner. She sounds like she's genuinely trying to keep the food safe allergy wise and is trying to have people bring some of their favorite recipes. I did just see her last week and it was clear that input was okay. She doesn't care in the least if people have food allergies. In fact my aunt who has the most limitations isn't taken into consideration at all. The only thing I'm making that would be an allergy is potatoes and everyone else wants them. The only major allergy is sesame and I wouldn't dream of bringing that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Yes, she does sound like she's trying to over-manage it a bit. But as long as she's flexible about your suggestions and any other family member's, it's all good. Sometimes you need a strong manager to get people moving in the right direction. If she starts veto'ing any plans others suggest, then you have a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 She is definitely acting like she is the boss. To give her some credit, she runs a small part time catering business. A number of thing she makes are excellent and others I wouldn't even dream of touching. Nothing that anyone was asked to make would be a traditional item for them to bring. My dish would be the mostly like to be attached to me, because I always make the same mashed potato casserole. Not that I think it is special or fancy, just easy to make ahead of time. To the PP who mentioned sesame, I do think everyone knows to read the labels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Personally, I would try to stay out of it. Visit with folks and enjoy them. Try not to let them draw you into the food/location drama - it's never worth it. Though I will admit to having forged a side dish disaster in order to bring something to a family dinner that my family could eat. You know - "golly, the sweet potato wedges were a total disaster, so I mashed them and brought them along anyway." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I didn't think your email was snarky, nor do I see a problem with them asking you to bring something. It sounds like the main conflict is over whether to have to at your grandmother's or your aunt's house, and that really needs to be decided between them. It could be that your aunt was overwhelmed and asked your cousin's wife (I assume that's her DIL) to help organize. If the hostess (whether aunt or grandma) has been doing all the cooking and no one brings anything, I can see why it would be overwhelming. I find the specific assignments she gave out a little bit micromanaging -- it could be one person gets vegetable, another gets bread, etc. But then you kind of did the same thing back - going over the dishes in detail. So it makes it sound like the you're both really into planning the details, which is not really a problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Well... Personally, I think it's high time that folks pitched in w/food. I've never liked the idea that whomever is hosting has to supply all the food for everyone. It's expensive, time consuming, and exhausting. And, whoever is hosting has the responsibility for organizing everything, so I wouldn't find it unusual in the slightest for them to attempt to parcel out who makes what, otherwise you can end up with all desserts, or all sides, or whatever. And yes, I think that rather than suggesting someone use your recipe, you should just offer to make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 You weren't rude, you were very polite. I would've written back, "I will be bringing (x)." - Lisbeth, (x being what *I* want to bring.) No further explanation necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 The other thing that is probably making me irritable about it is that I would rather stay at home. We've been going to Christmas on "The Island" my entire life, but now most everyone has their own family. It is very important to my sister that we be there. We weren't raised together and this is the one thing that we always did. I'm always happy once we're there, but I do dread going. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 Well... Personally, I think it's high time that folks pitched in w/food. I've never liked the idea that whomever is hosting has to supply all the food for everyone. It's expensive, time consuming, and exhausting. And, whoever is hosting has the responsibility for organizing everything, so I wouldn't find it unusual in the slightest for them to attempt to parcel out who makes what, otherwise you can end up with all desserts, or all sides, or whatever. And yes, I think that rather than suggesting someone use your recipe, you should just offer to make it. I'm very happy to bring food, even more than one dish. I told my husband last night that I should have just offered to make the sweet potatoes, but 20/20 hindsight will get you everytime. I did refrain from mentioning in the email that my entire family hates pumpkin pie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Well... Personally, I think it's high time that folks pitched in w/food. I've never liked the idea that whomever is hosting has to supply all the food for everyone. It's expensive, time consuming, and exhausting. And, whoever is hosting has the responsibility for organizing everything, so I wouldn't find it unusual in the slightest for them to attempt to parcel out who makes what, otherwise you can end up with all desserts, or all sides, or whatever. And yes, I think that rather than suggesting someone use your recipe, you should just offer to make it. I totally agree that everyone should bring some food. It just seems odd to go into such detail. We usually have a sign up list or people bring what they are known to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 You weren't rude, you were very polite. I would've written back, "I will be bringing (x)." - Lisbeth, (x being what *I* want to bring.) No further explanation necessary. If only I knew when to keep my mouth shut.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I'm not seeing any malicious intent on the cousin's wife's part. She sounds a little bossy, but it doesn't sound as if she's playing power games. Can you just talk with her in a friendly way? Is she so hard to deal with that you have to send carefully-worded e-mails instead of arranging the dinner in person? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I'm very happy to bring food, even more than one dish. I told my husband last night that I should have just offered to make the sweet potatoes, but 20/20 hindsight will get you everytime. I did refrain from mentioning in the email that my entire family hates pumpkin pie. I think sharing the food load is great and I always offer to bring something. But assigning specific dishes is quite obnoxious. I'm sure she'll be happy with the menu. :D And I wouldn't hesitate to say "pumpkin pie isn't very popular at our house, but I'm happy to bring another dessert". Or "since sweet potatoes are coming already and our family doesn't eat them, I'll bring side X". When we've just done it with family, we bring whatever we want and clear it with each other to avoid overlap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Since I don't cook, that would not have gone over well with me at all! But I think the responses were very reasonable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I totally agree that everyone should bring some food. It just seems odd to go into such detail. We usually have a sign up list or people bring what they are known to make. Apparently she has personally spoken to each family member prior to the email, I have no idea what transpired except with my sister. I do suspect that she led people to bring what she wanted, not what they wanted to make. I was basically told you'll be bringing potatoes like you did last year. I do make them for holidays but it's a pain to peal enough potatoes for 20+ people. Sister did it right, she said I'll bring this it was really good. I don't happen to like the stuffing she makes, however I know everyone else will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weddell Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Is your cousin's wife named Marney? The Thanksgiving Letter I think your other Aunt is trying to set the tone for everyone (grimly cheerful, forge on), so I would support her with that as far as possible. You weren't rude. I was going to post this! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I think sharing the food load is great and I always offer to bring something. But assigning specific dishes is quite obnoxious. I'm sure she'll be happy with the menu. :D And I wouldn't hesitate to say "pumpkin pie isn't very popular at our house, but I'm happy to bring another dessert". Or "since sweet potatoes are coming already and our family doesn't eat them, I'll bring side X". When we've just done it with family, we bring whatever we want and clear it with each other to avoid overlap. The bolded is what I think should have happened. We do like sweet potatoes, just not when they're all mushy. Who wants to pureed dishes on their plate? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I am finding this thread to be quite interesting, as I have never attended any type of family gathering where anyone brings any of the food. The hosts of the party provide everything, whether they cook it themselves or have it catered. I learn so much from this forum. It's always good to be reminded that people do things in different ways, and as long as everyone is happy with it, it's all good. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Yes, she does sound like she's trying to over-manage it a bit. But as long as she's flexible about your suggestions and any other family member's, it's all good. Sometimes you need a strong manager to get people moving in the right direction. If she starts veto'ing any plans others suggest, then you have a problem. I agree with this. Not knowing your family, I can't say for certain, but it sounded to me like this email could have come out of a conversation, possibly with the hostess, about "Who is bringing what?" and no one knew, so this woman took it on herself to try to organize the meal. It could be that the hostess just wasn't comfortable doing so. My dear friend and I were talking yesterday about how her mom is uncomfortable telling everyone what to do or bring for family get-togethers, so dear friend takes that on, which allows her mom to be the gracious hostess. So she may be a little heavy-handed, but the nice thing is that you won't end up with several sweet potato dishes (lol) and nothing else. :tongue_smilie: It took my family about three years to really get the potluck Thanksgiving menu ironed out. The upside to it is that now I call everyone a few days before Thanksgiving and say "Think everything went ok last time? All right, then, bring what you brought last year." I think she was polite. (Not knowing the family dynamic. Context is everything, lol, so in your family culture or background, it may mean something entirely different.) You were polite. Aunt was polite. And lol, I totally get what you're saying about staying home. Every year, I have a quiet inner temper tantrum about why does Thanksgiving always have to be at my house, and I don't want to have everyone over this year, and this is such a pain. Then everyone arrives, and we have a grand time, and I am so glad. :) Have fun! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Yes, she does sound like she's trying to over-manage it a bit. But as long as she's flexible about your suggestions and any other family member's, it's all good. Sometimes you need a strong manager to get people moving in the right direction. If she starts veto'ing any plans others suggest, then you have a problem. :iagree: Sometimes it is good to have someone step-up and handle things. By doing so they free others up not to worry about the details. It may have been better if this was all started in September. She could have asked everyone what they wanted to bring. Then, after compiling that list, send out an email to address the dishes that were duplicated or needed. Here are the "maybes": Maybe cousin and his wife know something that you do not. There might be a reason why they are not wanting it at Grandmother's house. Maybe cousin husband told cousin wife to handle it, to take charge. Maybe cousin wife honestly feels that she is helping the family by arranging this and taking the stress off of Aunt. Maybe an aunt told her to take care of it in this way (or Grandma). Maybe she is trying to do a great job to make the family happy because she feels like an outsider, even after all this time (whatever time that may be). Trust me, I have some relatives that fit into the "if only you knew them" category. Since I don't know her I cannot say for sure. If she is receptive to the changes and isn't rude about it, I think all is good. It's hard to say why this landed in her lap. One of the relatives might have suggested it. Her husband might have demanded it. She might have had a conversation with Grandma that made her think this would be a favor to her (such as Grandma being stressed, in pain, tired, worried, overall not feeling great this month, strapped for money, getting over illness, etc.). At any rate, she is part of the family, too. It is her Christmas as well as the blood relatives. As long as she isn't rude and tries to accommodate everyone - especially those with allergies - I'd suggest letting her. Though, next year, get together with the family before Thanksgiving and make arrangements for where Christmas will be, how it will be done, who should organize it, etc. Maybe you can host and arrange it next year. Who knows? Perhaps you'll want her to do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 We love mashed sweet potatoes here :lol: Next year, why don't you host, that way you can do what you think is right :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I think it is odd to hand out such specific food items. On both sides of our family we all just volunteer what we want to make. One family always does salad, I always make deserts and sonething fun. But no one dictates wjat we bring. If she wants a menu that specific she should cook it herself. Otherwise, it makes more sense to say, we need a meat dish, a coupke of veggies, potatoes, bread and salad. Who wants to bring what? I think your reaponse was fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I'm not seeing any malicious intent on the cousin's wife's part. She sounds a little bossy, but it doesn't sound as if she's playing power games. Can you just talk with her in a friendly way? Is she so hard to deal with that you have to send carefully-worded e-mails instead of arranging the dinner in person? She isn't being malicious, she's just steering the day to look the way she would like it to look. My grandmother was even told not to make the dessert that she has made for over 60 years.l The family is spread all of the Greater X area and it would be hard to communicate with that many people over the phone. I tried to word my email somewhat carefully, but I feel like I have a tendency to come off abruptly sometimes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 Is your cousin's wife named Marney? The Thanksgiving Letter I think your other Aunt is trying to set the tone for everyone (grimly cheerful, forge on), so I would support her with that as far as possible. You weren't rude. I don't think she's quite that bad. Before she had a baby and a "family" of her home she was quite likable, now it seems as though she needs to set the stage. My Aunt is definitely setting the tone by keeping her mouth shut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 She solicited input. You politely responded. I don't think you were snarky at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I agree with this. Not knowing your family, I can't say for certain, but it sounded to me like this email could have come out of a conversation, possibly with the hostess, about "Who is bringing what?" and no one knew, so this woman took it on herself to try to organize the meal. It could be that the hostess just wasn't comfortable doing so. My dear friend and I were talking yesterday about how her mom is uncomfortable telling everyone what to do or bring for family get-togethers, so dear friend takes that on, which allows her mom to be the gracious hostess. So she may be a little heavy-handed, but the nice thing is that you won't end up with several sweet potato dishes (lol) and nothing else. :tongue_smilie: It took my family about three years to really get the potluck Thanksgiving menu ironed out. The upside to it is that now I call everyone a few days before Thanksgiving and say "Think everything went ok last time? All right, then, bring what you brought last year." I think she was polite. (Not knowing the family dynamic. Context is everything, lol, so in your family culture or background, it may mean something entirely different.) You were polite. Aunt was polite. And lol, I totally get what you're saying about staying home. Every year, I have a quiet inner temper tantrum about why does Thanksgiving always have to be at my house, and I don't want to have everyone over this year, and this is such a pain. Then everyone arrives, and we have a grand time, and I am so glad. :) Have fun! Cat I generally do almost all of the Thanksgiving cooking with the exception of the stuffing. I have discovered that I'd rather haul all of the food to someone elses (I don't think that's a word, but it sounds right) house so I don't have to clean mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I am finding this thread to be quite interesting, as I have never attended any type of family gathering where anyone brings any of the food. The hosts of the party provide everything, whether they cook it themselves or have it catered. I learn so much from this forum. It's always good to be reminded that people do things in different ways, and as long as everyone is happy with it, it's all good. :001_smile: Funny, I have never been to a large holiday gathering that wasn't potluck, except for out-of-town guests. It is common for guests invited to a gathering to ask, "What would you like me to bring?" and often the hostess will say, "Can you bring....?" Most of my family and friends can't shoulder the entire cost of hosting a full meal gathering with appetizers, meal, dessert, drinks for 20+ people, much less have one catered. :) (Daydreaming now....) Cat, visions of caterers dancing in my head ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 :iagree: Sometimes it is good to have someone step-up and handle things. By doing so they free others up not to worry about the details. It may have been better if this was all started in September. Defintely! She could have asked everyone what they wanted to bring. Then, after compiling that list, send out an email to address the dishes that were duplicated or needed. Here are the "maybes": Maybe cousin and his wife know something that you do not. There might be a reason why they are not wanting it at Grandmother's house. Grandmother is getting older, but did say she wanted to have it one last year. I'm totally ok going to my aunt's house. I just think she was to heavy handed with it. Maybe cousin husband told cousin wife to handle it, to take charge. No way, no how would he do that. Maybe cousin wife honestly feels that she is helping the family by arranging this and taking the stress off of Aunt. I could give her the benefit of the doubt about that. Aunt doesn't really mind not running this particular show, and is fine using her house. Maybe an aunt told her to take care of it in this way (or Grandma). Absolutely not. Maybe she is trying to do a great job to make the family happy because she feels like an outsider, even after all this time (whatever time that may be). Somehow I don't think so, it's definitely her vision. She just wants everyone else to do the work. She also leaves her 18 month old with my Aunt for 12+ hours at a time because it's convenient for her. Trust me, I have some relatives that fit into the "if only you knew them" category. Since I don't know her I cannot say for sure. If she is receptive to the changes and isn't rude about it, I think all is good. I don't think she'll be rude, but she could definitely be "snarky" It's hard to say why this landed in her lap. One of the relatives might have suggested it. Her husband might have demanded it. She might have had a conversation with Grandma that made her think this would be a favor to her (such as Grandma being stressed, in pain, tired, worried, overall not feeling great this month, strapped for money, getting over illness, etc.). At any rate, she is part of the family, too. It is her Christmas as well as the blood relatives. As long as she isn't rude and tries to accommodate everyone - especially those with allergies - I'd suggest letting her. Though, next year, get together with the family before Thanksgiving and make arrangements for where Christmas will be, how it will be done, who should organize it, etc. Maybe you can host and arrange it next year. Who knows? Perhaps you'll want her to do it again. See above responses in red. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 We love mashed sweet potatoes here :lol: Next year, why don't you host, that way you can do what you think is right :001_smile: Personally I don't like my sweet potatoes mashed, but it's mostly that I think that's too much mushy food. I would be happy to host, but it really does work best at my aunt's house. She lives right next door to my grandmother and their homes have always been the family gathering spot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 My grandmother was even told not to make the dessert that she has made for over 60 years. :001_huh: Now that is rude. Unless the dessert just absolutely awful. Grapefruit pie? Cool Whip Sludge? Nope, on second thought, still rude. Y'all just put a little on your plate, push it around a little, say, "Man, I am SO full," and Grandma's happy. :grouphug: You know, maybe once everyone is in the same space, you can start a conversation about, "What is you favorite holiday dish?" And everyone brings that next year. That's how we ended up with our Thanksgiving menu. (I make the sweet potatoes. ;) ) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I just have one question-- what the heck is "Old Faithful?" That Gommy is bringing? I've got go know! :001_smile: astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 I just have one question-- what the heck is "Old Faithful?" That Gommy is bringing? I've got go know! :001_smile: astrid Old Faithful is an egg souffle with sausage in it. I think it's faithful because it's served her well for so many years. It used to be better than it is now, but everyone still expects it, besides the cousins wife who tried to tell her not to make that too. Gommy is because my Aunt, mother of the first grandchild, wanted to call my grandmother something original. My mother (I'm the second grandchild) didn't like it, I call her Gram. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myeightkiddies Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 See above responses in red. If that is her personality, I can see why it is rubbing you the wrong way. Perhaps next fall, you (or another relative) can host a brunch or small luncheon (or get together for coffee) and plan the Christmas party. Let everyone decide where and when, what to bring, and who the contact person will be (contact person doesn't need to be the host but will need to be in contact with the host). A few weeks before Christmas the contact person can send out a reminder email stating who was going to bring what based on the meeting. People should respond with additional items, address omitted items, state attendance changes, etc. About a week or so before Christmas a final email should be mailed to clarify anything that has been brought up recently. I don't think your email was snarky, and taking into consideration what you said, I believe you are handling it well. Bring what you'd like to bring and enjoy your time with your family. Next year, everyone (including her if she'd like to come to the organizational meeting) will have time to give some input. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 :001_huh: Now that is rude. Unless the dessert just absolutely awful. Grapefruit pie? Cool Whip Sludge? Nope, on second thought, still rude. Y'all just put a little on your plate, push it around a little, say, "Man, I am SO full," and Grandma's happy. :grouphug: You know, maybe once everyone is in the same space, you can start a conversation about, "What is you favorite holiday dish?" And everyone brings that next year. That's how we ended up with our Thanksgiving menu. (I make the sweet potatoes. ;) ) Cat The dessert is trifle. It's okay, certainly something that everyone expects. It's a little bit like the aforementioned "Old Faithful", a tradition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 If that is her personality, I can see why it is rubbing you the wrong way. Perhaps next fall, you (or another relative) can host a brunch or small luncheon (or get together for coffee) and plan the Christmas party. Let everyone decide where and when, what to bring, and who the contact person will be (contact person doesn't need to be the host but will need to be in contact with the host). A few weeks before Christmas the contact person can send out a reminder email stating who was going to bring what based on the meeting. People should respond with additional items, address omitted items, state attendance changes, etc. About a week or so before Christmas a final email should be mailed to clarify anything that has been brought up recently. I don't think your email was snarky, and taking into consideration what you said, I believe you are handling it well. Bring what you'd like to bring and enjoy your time with your family. Next year, everyone (including her if she'd like to come to the organizational meeting) will have time to give some input. :grouphug: Or, I could go on vacation. Somewhere that has palm trees maybe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Is your cousin's wife named Marney? The Thanksgiving Letter I think your other Aunt is trying to set the tone for everyone (grimly cheerful, forge on), so I would support her with that as far as possible. You weren't rude. Can you say, "Bossy B*tch"? :glare: I think that would have been met with the reply of no thanks we have decided to do Thanksgiving at home this year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 Sorry, I feel *cough, cough* so sick that I *cough, cough* just can't make it. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 Sorry, I feel *cough, cough* so sick that I *cough, cough* just can't make it. :( :lol::tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 OY YOY YOY! I read things like this and just think, "Thank G-d for Channukah!" :) :) :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anotherbrother Posted December 19, 2011 Author Share Posted December 19, 2011 OY YOY YOY! I read things like this and just think, "Thank G-d for Channukah!" :) :) :) That's another story all together. Channukah, we celebrate with my mother. I really prefer when the holidays don't overlap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 To give her some credit, she runs a small part time catering business. A number of thing she makes are excellent and others I wouldn't even dream of touching. I would have guessed that! definitely fits a type I have experience with.... :D Is your cousin's wife named Marney? The Thanksgiving Letter "regulation size casserole" :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted December 19, 2011 Share Posted December 19, 2011 I didn't think any of the emails sounded snarky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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