Banging my head again with Army ds

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Well the person who commented Army son might spend his holiday with friends since he could not come home was correct. (Background on Army son in other threads) He wrote to his sister and told her he was heading to Louisiana to stay at an unknown-to-me friends house. Unless this person is planning on providing food and entertainment for 10 days my ds will over draw his bank account. Just one of the worries this hair brained scheme is causing. The potential for trouble is astronomical. 1) he has about $200 in his account...Not enough for a round trip ticket and food for 10 days. 2) He can find the parties and trouble with his eyes closed.

 

IF he makes it back to base with out financial ruin and passes the pee test will be a Christmas miracle. IF he does I will have to re-evaluate him coming home on his next pass. Until them I will be adding more gray hair to my already gray infested head.

 

Replied in post 33 but wanted this here because it has been mentioned about me knowing my sons bank info.

**Just a note to those wondering why I know what is going on in his bank account, he asked me to deposit a check into his account and pay a bill from his account. I know how much he had in the account before he left...$16 he told me in the hopes I would give him some money, I gave him $6 or $8 which was all the cash I had at the time. I do not know if he has gotten any pay from the Army since November 22 (first day with Army). I do not keep up with my adult childrens bank account unless I am asked to. **

Edited December 13, 2011 by Down_the_Rabbit_Hole

[jennsmile]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: That is all the hugs they will let me send in a message.

[DawnM]

Sorry. :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug:

[TXMomof4]

:grouphug: If it makes you feel any better - the Army will help him figure out a financial mess. Dh has helped many a soldier figure out how to dig themselves out of money pits they got themselves into. They will help set up a plan and help the soldier stick with it. If he's getting paid 2x a month he'll be getting another check before block leave starts.

 

If he fails his pee test - well - that's all on him.

 

I'm sorry this is so hard right now. Praying he grows up a lot over the next few months.

[clarkacademy]

Well the person who commented Army son might spend his holiday with friends since he could not come home was correct. (Background on Army son in other threads) He wrote to his sister and told her he was heading to Louisiana to stay at an unknown-to-me friends house. Unless this person is planning on providing food and entertainment for 10 days my ds will over draw his bank account. Just one of the worries this hair brained scheme is causing. The potential for trouble is astronomical. 1) he has about $200 in his account...Not enough for a round trip ticket and food for 10 days. 2) He can find the parties and trouble with his eyes closed.

 

IF he makes it back to base with out financial ruin and passes the pee test will be a Christmas miracle. IF he does I will have to re-evaluate him coming home on his next pass. Until them I will be adding more gray hair to my already gray infested head.

 

I am confused. He is in the army, and he can't come home for a visit? OK, well what is the issue if he visits friends? I mean he is not your responsibility anymore. It is not your job to take care of his account or whatever. He has been in the army for how long? Your still punishing him for things he did before he even left? I mean your kid your choice. It is Christmas. He has been away from his home, his family dealing with God knows what. He wanted to come home for Christmas, you turned him away. Is he suppose to be alone because you want to punish him?

 

I mean I am not judging your discipline here but you can't have it both ways. You can't expect him to be an adult when you are punishing him like a child for something long since done and over. You can't expect him to be an adult while you are managing and worrying over his finances. I think you are at a pass. Either treat him as an adult coming home for the holidays or cut him out.

 

He has been gone and he has been in the army where they don't exactly have a life of luxury. Let the past go or let him go. I will tell you something though, I was a troubled kid and ran away. I made a good life. I became a good parent. By the time my mom was ready to let go of stupid stuff from my teen years I was way over her. It took another few years for me to want anything to do with her. Funny, we are all grown up now us kids. "The good kids" well they have lives of their own and could care less about my parents. I sit by her hospital bed, I hep her clean her house, I am the one who moved back to be with my family while the others again could care less.

 

She told me a few weeks ago that all the while she was angry at me saying I needed to grow up she wishes she would have grown up first and been the adult. Maybe then years would not have been lost.

[QuirkyKapers]

:grouphug:

[mommaduck]

I am confused. He is in the army, and he can't come home for a visit? OK, well what is the issue if he visits friends? I mean he is not your responsibility anymore. It is not your job to take care of his account or whatever. He has been in the army for how long? Your still punishing him for things he did before he even left? I mean your kid your choice. It is Christmas. He has been away from his home, his family dealing with God knows what. He wanted to come home for Christmas, you turned him away. Is he suppose to be alone because you want to punish him?

 

I mean I am not judging your discipline here but you can't have it both ways. You can't expect him to be an adult when you are punishing him like a child for something long since done and over. You can't expect him to be an adult while you are managing and worrying over his finances. I think you are at a pass. Either treat him as an adult coming home for the holidays or cut him out.

 

He has been gone and he has been in the army where they don't exactly have a life of luxury. Let the past go or let him go. I will tell you something though, I was a troubled kid and ran away. I made a good life. I became a good parent. By the time my mom was ready to let go of stupid stuff from my teen years I was way over her. It took another few years for me to want anything to do with her. Funny, we are all grown up now us kids. "The good kids" well they have lives of their own and could care less about my parents. I sit by her hospital bed, I hep her clean her house, I am the one who moved back to be with my family while the others again could care less.

 

She told me a few weeks ago that all the while she was angry at me saying I needed to grow up she wishes she would have grown up first and been the adult. Maybe then years would not have been lost.

There is a lot of history here. There are behaviours that will cause a parent to not permit an adult child to come home over. She's still a parent, she's worried, and she's just releasing some of that here. Please don't be quick to judge her parenting. You are not in her shoes. I'm not either.

 

:grouphug: to the OP.

[ereks mom]

I am confused. He is in the army, and he can't come home for a visit? OK, well what is the issue if he visits friends? I mean he is not your responsibility anymore. It is not your job to take care of his account or whatever. He has been in the army for how long? Your still punishing him for things he did before he even left? I mean your kid your choice. It is Christmas. He has been away from his home, his family dealing with God knows what. He wanted to come home for Christmas, you turned him away. Is he suppose to be alone because you want to punish him?

 

I mean I am not judging your discipline here but you can't have it both ways. You can't expect him to be an adult when you are punishing him like a child for something long since done and over. You can't expect him to be an adult while you are managing and worrying over his finances. I think you are at a pass. Either treat him as an adult coming home for the holidays or cut him out.

 

He has been gone and he has been in the army where they don't exactly have a life of luxury. Let the past go or let him go. I will tell you something though, I was a troubled kid and ran away. I made a good life. I became a good parent. By the time my mom was ready to let go of stupid stuff from my teen years I was way over her. It took another few years for me to want anything to do with her. Funny, we are all grown up now us kids. "The good kids" well they have lives of their own and could care less about my parents. I sit by her hospital bed, I hep her clean her house, I am the one who moved back to be with my family while the others again could care less.

 

She told me a few weeks ago that all the while she was angry at me saying I needed to grow up she wishes she would have grown up first and been the adult. Maybe then years would not have been lost.

 

Have you read the OP's previous threads? She explained all of this in a recent thread.

 

There is a lot of history here. There are behaviours that will cause a parent to not permit an adult child to come home over. She's still a parent, she's worried, and she's just releasing some of that here. Please don't be quick to judge her parenting. You are not in her shoes. I'm not either.

 

:grouphug: to the OP.

 

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

If he's getting paid 2x a month he'll be getting another check before block leave starts.

 

^^This is a good thing.

 

He probably knows he is getting paid again so try not to fret too much over his finances. What you ought to do is decide if you and dh will help him out if he screws up or if you'll let the Army help him make a solid plan.

 

As for other trouble, well, is he going home with an army buddy? Maybe this buddy will help your ds keep on the straight and narrow. Think positive, pray, and call your ds periodically while he is on leave and let him know how proud you are of his ability to do the right thing.

[Tarreymere]

Cut the cord! Your son is an adult now and from my experience with a few of my own grown kids, some hard-headed kids just need to fail now and then to learn enough sense to be successful. He may even not fail. It is hard to say right now but worrying about it isn't good for YOU when you know you are at a point in his life that you have to take a step back and let him fail if that is what he is determined to do. Have a nice cup of chamomile tea and turn your mind to other more cheerful matters.

 

The best thing you can do for him and for your own sanity is to back off, smile and say 'thats nice', and NOT invite him back into your home NO MATTER WHAT. I know how hard that is, believe me. I had one that was arrested for selling heroin at the age of eighteen, she was not an addict but thought it was a great money-making opportunity. She never did go to prison, but she should have. In fact, she is perfectly fine and a shift manager at a popular nightclub and makes great money which she blows indiscriminately while practicing the 'professional tenant' scam. I have more than a few grey hairs over that particular kid. In fact, looking back over the escapades of all of the six adult kids, they all made really dumb choices starting out although not on quite the same scale. This would be a very long post if I shared with you all of those stories!

 

Hang in there! Be strong! :grouphug: And yes, the Army is a pretty good babysitting service these days (yes, I mean that sarcastically, some of the stuff I hear from my son-in-law and my daughter before she got out about how far the Army goes to get people straightened out astonish me because back in my day it sure wasn't like that!) and hopefully if he does screw up it won't be bad enough to get him kicked out.

[Mrs Mungo]

He gets paid on Wednesday. Of course he doesn't want to spend Christmas by himself. Send him his checkbook and everything else. Let him succeed or fail on his own. Let him make his own decisions, good and bad. Of course he will mess up. He is young and young people sometimes mess up. You can choose to be a shoulder to cry on or not. You can choose to help or not.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Mrs Mungo

[justamouse]

In all honesty, I agree with Clark and the other dissenters. I was a prodigal AND I have a prodigal myself.

 

I can tell you first hand that me not parenting him from afar is what's enabling him to get his feet under him.

 

Cut the cord, you have no business looking at his accounts and no business worrying about what he'll be doing. You cut yourself out of the equation when you told him he couldn't come home to visit (not that you have any business being in his bank account anyway, he's an adult and what he does with his $ is his own business-even if he overdraws it).

 

I agree with Mrs. Mungo, your best bet is to be a shoulder to cry on. My son and I have grown incredibly closer since I took that position, and, he's also turned to us for help (in decisions) and been more open.

Edited December 13, 2011 by justamouse

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

He gets paid on Wednesday. Of course he doesn't want to spend Cheistmas by himself. Send him his checkbook and everything else. Let him succeed or fail on his own. Let him make his own decisions, good and bad. Of course he will mess up. He is young and young people sometimes mess up. You can choose to be a shoulder to cry on or not. You can choose to help or not.

[KungFuPanda]

I have read the previous threads, so I get the back story, but it may be time for you to relax and let go of the discipline. You don't HAVE to do it anymore. The Army will take over for you and he will learn (even if he never admits it) that your boundaries weren't unreasonable. He'll have to really REALLY want to mess up for the military to wash their hands of him. He'll get chances and there will be a clear process and consequences.

 

I think he's past the age where you can parent him anymore, so maybe if you tried to relax and enjoy this next phase of life, where you two can become friends, it'll be better for both of you. He'll figure it out or he won't, but try to enjoy the respite while the military has the discipline reins.

[sassenach]

I have read the previous threads, so I get the back story, but it may be time for you to relax and let go of the discipline. You don't HAVE to do it anymore. The Army will take over for you and he will learn (even if he never admits it) that your boundaries weren't unreasonable. He'll have to really REALLY want to mess up for the military to wash their hands of him. He'll get chances and there will be a clear process and consequences.

 

I think he's past the age where you can parent him anymore, so maybe if you tried to relax and enjoy this next phase of life, where you two can become friends, it'll be better for both of you. He'll figure it out or he won't, but try to enjoy the respite while the military has the discipline reins.

 

Well said. It's time to let go. That includes letting go of his bank account. My parents haven't known my balance since I was 17.

[SailorMom]

:grouphug:

I know you're going to worry like crazy now and question your decisions again... We can all hug you, reassure you, and support you as much as possible and if you're anything like most moms I know, you'll still worry....:grouphug:

But if there is a time in his life to mess up, and have someone (other than you and family) there to catch him if he falls - it will be now, in the Army. When DH was 18 and just out of high school, he told me tales of other guys he knew really messing up.... really. But the Air Force kinda acted as a parent (a very tough parent) and helped them out. They know these kids are only 18, and they know they are going to mess up.

Honestly, I'm not sure what the policy is if he doesn't pass a drug test in Basic - I would hope they would still work with him - but pretty much everything else is something they will step in on. I do know that people who get DUI's or Drunk and Disorderly's are sent through substance abuse programs, and are put on some sort of suspension - but not kicked out.

Hang in there.....

[Annie G]

I wish all of you were my IRL friends. I have a wayward daughter (26!) and my IRL friends think it's terrible that I don't coddle and bail her out of everything.

Their kids are much younger- not adults- and I thought that explained it. But many of you have wisdom and maturity about this kind of thing and you don't have grown kids, either.

 

 

OP, I know it's hard, but in the long run you're doing the right thing. :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

It is true that sometimes junior soldiers will get a chance to redeem themselves and go through a substance abuse program. But, a soldier who comes up hot during basic training will be administratively discharged.

[SailorMom]

It is true that sometimes junior soldiers will get a chance to redeem themselves and go through a substance abuse program. But, a soldier who comes up hot during basic training will be administratively discharged.

 

Yeah - I was afraid of that. Drugs are a different beast than alcohol in the military....

[melissel]

Oh mama, I'm so sorry :grouphug: I agree with the others that there's just nothing you can or should do now, but oh, I cannot imagine being in that position. I really really really really hope he's out to prove to you that he CAN stay on the straight and narrow.

[Sputterduck]

I don't know. I would think that a kid who has a drug problem and feels rejected by his family would be tempted to drown himself in parties and drugs further, especially during the holidays. I am big proponent of tough love, but he isn't moving back in with you. It's visiting, for the holidays.

 

I would think that this move is 100% predictable. I'm not really sure why this is a surprise? Even though I disagree with you, I'm very sorry about all this.

[Danestress]

I don't think she is treating him like a child. I would not let an adult stay with me either after keeping drugs in my home with my minor children. Trust can take some time to rebuild, but my home is not going to be violated that way even by a dearly loved child. We still have house rules about illegal activity that apply to all.

 

I agree, though, that she should try to let him deal with his own financial issues. The sad thing is that if he gets kicked out of the Army, he will want to come home. Very sad.

[Sputterduck]

I have read the previous threads, so I get the back story, but it may be time for you to relax and let go of the discipline. You don't HAVE to do it anymore. The Army will take over for you and he will learn (even if he never admits it) that your boundaries weren't unreasonable. He'll have to really REALLY want to mess up for the military to wash their hands of him. He'll get chances and there will be a clear process and consequences.

 

I think he's past the age where you can parent him anymore, so maybe if you tried to relax and enjoy this next phase of life, where you two can become friends, it'll be better for both of you. He'll figure it out or he won't, but try to enjoy the respite while the military has the discipline reins.

 

Yes, and if he comes home for the holidays, and by being with family is able to not take drugs, then perhaps he will finish basic training. That will give him more time away from drugs and, in addition, the army will be willing to go to much greater lengths to help him once he is fully in.

 

If he doesn't make it through basic training, then what? He lingers on a street corner somewhere? Getting skinnier and losing teeth? Jeez, I would do anything in that situation to get my child at least through basic. The alternative is far worse than him just visiting home for Christmas.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Sputterduck

[catz]

I'm sure that is so difficult as a mother to stand by and watch. I still think you're doing the right thing and I'd let go of his finances and let him figure it out. I'm sorry. :grouphug:

 

I don't think she is treating him like a child. I would not let an adult stay with me either after keeping drugs in my home with my minor children. Trust can take some time to rebuild, but my home is not going to be violated that way even by a dearly loved child. We still have house rules about illegal activity that apply to all.

 

I agree, though, that she should try to let him deal with his own financial issues. The sad thing is that if he gets kicked out of the Army, he will want to come home. Very sad.

 

:iagree:

[Renee in NC]

I totally understand not letting him in the house due to the drug use. That is a decision that I hope I never have to make, but I can see myself doing the same thing.

 

However, you have to let this go. Send him his checkbook, send him a Christmas present, and let him fall on his own face. Don't look at his bank account, don't pay his bills, don't take over his responsibilities. Let him face the consequences of his own decisions. There is no recovery without responsibility.

 

I don't think we ever start worrying about our dc. His going home with a friend is his choice. Unfortunately, you can't keep him from doing drugs, whether he is in your home or not. He knows the consequences. Hopefully it will be enough to keep him straight.

 

:grouphug:

[SJ.]

OP,

First, hugs to you :grouphug: I can't imagine the heartache and worry you have had over this situation.

 

I agree with the others that it is time to let go and let your son handle his own life, including finances. He gets paid the 1st and 15th of each month and am sure he is anticipating this in his plans, if he isn't he will just have to find a way to deal with not having any money.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about your son getting mixed up in the wrong type of situation over the holidays. One reason is that worrying gets you absolutely no where, it is not productive, and it will just make you (& perhaps those around you) miserable.

 

I get the impression that joining the Army was a last chance for your ds to straighten out his life. I remember you stating that he hasn't been at bootcamp very long but please do not underestimate the changes that can happen in just a short time at bootcamp. I am positive that the consequences of doing ANYTHING unbecoming of a soldier during holiday leave will be dire has been drilled into them - including your son's friend. Hopefully they will keep each other out of trouble.

 

Last, I just want to say I get the impression from your previous posts that your wounds are still fresh in dealing with your ds and that you feel you need to provide a safe environment for the rest of your family which means keeping your ds away for now. That being said it is unrealistic of you to expect your ds to stay at boot camp over the holidays when he has a chance to take leave. When family relationships are strained it is very easy to find other places to go when you have military leave (personal experience), so don't expect him to stay in the barracks if he is denied a place with family, now or in the future.

[HSMWB]

(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry for your whole family.

 

I will confess to only reading a few pages of your previous thread, but I did read some of the back story. And my family has dealt with the military including my brother being 'recycled' in basic training that my sister and his fiance did not even know about till they showed up at graduation (which to his credit he told them not to come a few days before) and he was no where to be found till several frantic phone calls later. I could only read a few threads because it was so so so sad to me. Even now the whole situation makes me want to cry.

 

But in yours sons defense - why would you not think he would go stay with a friend? He can not stay in the barracks over Christmas, he has to go somewhere. Hopefully this is one of the other recruits and it will be a good experience for him to be with their family.

 

I personally have welcomed soldiers (and their families if they were deployed) into my home over holidays, and Christmas is a big one. And from the other side, it is quite possible that the other family thinks the whole situation is horrible and that they fully intend to welcome your son as one of their own and think that 'you' are the 'bad guy' who won't let him come home and have kicked him out. Ya know? I'm trying to not be mean or rude or anything, but just that there are three sides to every story - his, hers, and the truth. They have only heard 'his' and we have only heard 'hers'.

 

(((Hugs))) and prayers to you all.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I've been following your threads about this ds. I don't have adult dc so I won't speculate on what you "should" do, I can only imagine how frustrating and heartbreaking it is for you. I'm so sorry. I hope you have a circle of supportive and loving friends and family to help you. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[5kidsforME]

I have read the previous threads, so I get the back story, but it may be time for you to relax and let go of the discipline. You don't HAVE to do it anymore. The Army will take over for you and he will learn (even if he never admits it) that your boundaries weren't unreasonable. He'll have to really REALLY want to mess up for the military to wash their hands of him. He'll get chances and there will be a clear process and consequences.

 

I think he's past the age where you can parent him anymore, so maybe if you tried to relax and enjoy this next phase of life, where you two can become friends, it'll be better for both of you. He'll figure it out or he won't, but try to enjoy the respite while the military has the discipline reins.

 

:iagree:

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Thanks and:grouphug: to all who have replied and are keeping in the loop with my Army son's saga.

I just needed to vent and know I can come here to let off some of it out.

hopefully the next chapter in this will be great news of change and successes on his part. Those will be shared. If not, I will be back to vent some more. It will keep me sane...or help with that goal.

 

Just a note to those wondering why I know what is going on in his bank account, he asked me to deposit a check into his account and pay a bill from his account. I know how much he had in the account before he left...$16 he told me in the hopes I would give him some money, I gave him $6 or $8 which was all the cash I had at the time. I do not know if he has gotten any pay from the Army since November 22 (first day with Army). I do not keep up with my adult childrens bank account unless I am asked to.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Down_the_Rabbit_Hole

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I have read the previous threads, so I get the back story, but it may be time for you to relax and let go of the discipline. You don't HAVE to do it anymore. The Army will take over for you and he will learn (even if he never admits it) that your boundaries weren't unreasonable. He'll have to really REALLY want to mess up for the military to wash their hands of him. He'll get chances and there will be a clear process and consequences.

 

I think he's past the age where you can parent him anymore, so maybe if you tried to relax and enjoy this next phase of life, where you two can become friends, it'll be better for both of you. He'll figure it out or he won't, but try to enjoy the respite while the military has the discipline reins.

I know this. I do. Really. But keep telling me please.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

He gets paid on Wednesday. Of course he doesn't want to spend Christmas by himself. Send him his checkbook and everything else. Let him succeed or fail on his own. Let him make his own decisions, good and bad. Of course he will mess up. He is young and young people sometimes mess up. You can choose to be a shoulder to cry on or not. You can choose to help or not.

This helps...thank you.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Yes, and if he comes home for the holidays, and by being with family is able to not take drugs, then perhaps he will finish basic training. That will give him more time away from drugs and, in addition, the army will be willing to go to much greater lengths to help him once he is fully in.

 

If he doesn't make it through basic training, then what? He lingers on a street corner somewhere? Getting skinnier and losing teeth? Jeez, I would do anything in that situation to get my child at least through basic. The alternative is far worse than him just visiting home for Christmas.

This is true and a good argument for him to be allowed home. However he knows people here who have kept him in the mix with his lifestlye choices. He did things while home before, why would I think he would not do them again?Why would I think he will not hang with them? My hope was for him to stay in the Army during the holidays and keep away from the people I know will cause him harm.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

There is a ray of hope...he is going home with a military buddy who is going home to Louisiana. One who will be a good influence on my son. I am grasping at this.

My fear is he is going to hang with old friends he knows in Louisiana (our home state until Jan 2011). These same people who were the cause of 6 long years of hell for my family.

[justamouse]

This is true and a good argument for him to be allowed home. However he knows people here who have kept him in the mix with his lifestlye choices. He did things while home before, why would I think he would not do them again?Why would I think he will not hang with them? My hope was for him to stay in the Army during the holidays and keep away from the people I know will cause him harm.

 

But you said it yourself, he will find it on his own if he wants, and as long as he wants, he'll find it anywhere. So location doesn't matter. HE has to make the right choices, which, hopefully, this time he will do.

 

Believe me, I've kicked my son out a lot. I really get it. But I let him come home to visit. And, he knows that if he messes up, his visit promptly ends. But that's HIS choice, then.

 

One thing that helped me was to know that God is always hoping we will do good, that we will always make the right decision. He's not siting there tapping His foot waiting for us to screw up. He's patient, kind, long suffering. He IS the Prodigal's father who gave his wayward son his inheritance, hoping that he would do right with it, and killing the fatted calf when he blew it all and wept at his father's feet.

 

When I went to my very first confession after many years, I told my priest (though my tears) that I deeply, deeply resented my son for what he'd done to my family. I had to live in a prison when he was here (I could tell you, but I don't want to share his sins). I told my Priest everything he had done, so that (I could defend my emotions? :D ) he had an idea of what I was talking about, and you know what my penance was? To pray, and to go say something nice to my son. Because every interaction we had had, was negative. And there was *nothing* positive (of God) within our relationship anymore. And it ws up to me, the adult, to do it.

 

Build a positive place from which to take this relationship of yours. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It is so hard to sit on the sidelines, waiting and worrying.

 

I wish his new friend was from a place where your ds doesn't know anyone.

[Sputterduck]

There is a ray of hope...he is going home with a military buddy who is going home to Louisiana. One who will be a good influence on my son. I am grasping at this.

My fear is he is going to hang with old friends he knows in Louisiana (our home state until Jan 2011). These same people who were the cause of 6 long years of hell for my family.

 

How close to your home town? If only it could be another state, right? I'm sorry. That's scary. Hopefully, that family will embrace your son and hopefully his new friend is on the straight and narrow. Big prayers for you guys.