Have you ever successfully limited Christmas gifts?

[shanvan]

Our entire family is tired of the excessive giving to Dc from both sides of the family. A long time ago we became very strict about gift requirements. It didn't go over well and there were a lot of hurt feelings. I'm trying to come up with a way to do it without things turning ugly.

 

We have very limited space in our home and the rooms are starting to bulge with stuff. We really need a big clean out and decluttering. So, I'm not looking forward to Dc receiving more to add to the piles. Dd(9) has serious issues with disorganization. I'm not kidding. At this point she needs constant daily supervision if her room is going to be tidy. I'm not talking about neat-freak clean, just respectable. If she is allowed to her own devices her room begins to look like an episode of Hoaders. I have serious concerns about her turning into one later in life.

 

In a way I can't blame her. She has too much to expect a kid to be able to organize. A few weeks ago we put most of it in the basement (you don't want to see my basement:ack2:).

 

Last year after Christmas we ended up with 2 large shopping bags of gifts that were either too young for the kids or just not appropriate. I sold some a local curriculum sale and some I gave away. It bothers me that my family is spending money for gifts we don't need, don't have room for, and are often inappropriate.

 

And I have to say, as I clean out Dd room for the umpteenth time I am not having nice feelings towards the people who gave her all this stuff. I keep thinking of all the things I could be doing with my time.

 

So, anyone successfully dealt with this issue? Any advice, experiences to share, commiserations?

[SonshineLearner]

Honestly, gifts are grandparents and extended families show of love. I would either just let it go, and do a family charity day later... or send out gift requests from your daughter... if your kids have done that before. I don't think it's worth hurt feelings. There are bins for under the bed, and every January you have a "Clean out day"..... If it's not something your kids can do, move it to the garage without them knowing and then... well... give it away after it's not missed.

Seriously, with my lack of family gifts... and the fact that I only wish I had to deal with family gifts right now, I just don't think it's worth any hurt feelings :( Just my thoughts...

[2_girls_mommy]

We have space issues too. But I just try to give ideas of things that are useful when people ask for ideas for gifts. I once asked for museum memberships. That did not go over well with one family member who thought that was for me, and not the children. (?? a children's musuem??) oh well. We got toys. Now I ask for clothes or magazine subscriptions or cute hats and gloves sets or arts and crafts. these things qualify as "gifts" in their eyes, but are useful and don't take up as much space.

 

I also got creative when they were younger. I started asking for Barbie clothes or doll clothes or books... things that didn't take up a lot of space! yes, we have too many Barbie clothes, but it was better than more Barbies or plastic whatchamacallits.

 

And yes, I sell in consignment sales constantly too. Has to be done in a small house. I do their good clothes anyway, so I constantly put in toys and books too.

[hmvaughan4]

My mom knows our thoughts on toys and gifts. It's not so much a space issue, as we just prefer toys that promote creativity. We also prefer not to have a ton of loud, plastic stuff. I made an Amazon list and sent it to my mom (she asked for ideas). DH sent the list to his parents (who never ask for suggestions), but we haven't heard back. I can't imagine it went over very well! But, as he said, "Would I rather send them a list or get a bunch of junk we'll just throw away?" They're the only ones that never ask and just get a bunch of random stuff that doesn't fit, we already have, or is not appropriate.

[StephanieZ]

Offering specific "Dear Santa" wish lists with appropriate items might help.

 

I like consumables such as art supplies, water toys that get trashed each year, sporting equipment they need/want/will use (ski equip, balls, etc), useful school-related things like a telescope or microscope, books, and of course new items they actually need or really want (mp3 player, digital camera, etc.) DVDs and/or books can be good if you can offer a list (favorite old TV shows for road trips, etc).

 

HTH

[Mommee & Baba]

We do a large purge BEFORE Christmas every year. BUT dh stepped up and spoke before me and said we'd purge AFTER Christmas which I don't really like because I'd like to DONATE the toys to those in need FOR the holidays...so we'll see what the kids want to do after Thanksgiving. We have to re-arrange their bedrooms and declutter to make room for new things and I'd prefer to spend December cleaning up and de-cluttering.

 

I don't limit toys from my in-laws or my own parents for my kids. They are very good about getting things the kids ask for and I control the kids list that the family gets. I know what to cross off and what to highlight.

 

For example this year my dd8 wanted 3 HUGE dragons...we currently haven't the space for those..so I found the smaller versions of the dragons and put those on her list along with 1 HUGE dragon. That way she gets the dragons either way but the size will be the only difference. My children know we don't have ALOT of space.

 

My dd6 wanted a dollhouse and several LARGE horses....she's getting the dollhouse but the horses that were on her list I found SIMILAR ones that are smaller versions. Again this might seem unfair but we simply haven't the space for the BIG stuff.

 

Now when I edit their christmas lists...I'm not removing a digital camera for a polaroid...I'm making it fairly even edits. If that makes sense.

 

I send a list to my in-laws that has 3 "wants" from each of the kids. They usually get 1 or 2 of them and then something else that my in-laws decided on. My mother usually gets the kids whatever is cheap and will fall apart in a couple weeks so I don't even consider those gifts. (I know this sounds so mean, but it's been this way from day 1. The only exception was last year when she actually got them pillow pets)....

 

As for our list. We slimmed it WAY down!! We use to get the kids 10 gifts from us each and then 1 big santa gift.

 

 

This year we've made it so the kids each get

• Santa Gift
  
• Combined Santa Gift
  
• Something to wear
  
• Something to share
  
• Something to play with
  
• Something for creativity/read
  
• Something from their wish list
  

Edited November 21, 2011 by mamaofblessings

[shanvan]

Honestly, gifts are grandparents and extended families show of love. I would either just let it go, and do a family charity day later... or send out gift requests from your daughter... if your kids have done that before. I don't think it's worth hurt feelings. There are bins for under the bed, and every January you have a "Clean out day"..... If it's not something your kids can do, move it to the garage without them knowing and then... well... give it away after it's not missed.

Seriously, with my lack of family gifts... and the fact that I only wish I had to deal with family gifts right now, I just don't think it's worth any hurt feelings :( Just my thoughts...

 

I am thinking we're going to end up just letting it go. However, there are further issues to consider. Dh side of the family is not very involved with Dc's lives. They complain that they don't see them enough, but then won't come if invited to a horse show or dog show. Yet they spend a lot of time attending cousin's baseball games.

 

When Dc are telling about their activities or what they are learning, they will often interrupt Dc mid sentence to talk to someone else. My Dc are 13 and almost 10. They are picking up on this and also noticing that their grandparents and aunts and uncles would rather buy them a glut of gifts than actually interact. It hurts their feelings. They've tried telling my in-laws they want riding lessons, or skating lessons, or something like that, but my in-laws won't agree to these things, not because they can't afford it, but because they won't have the thrill of watching them open something plastic. The kids take this a little personally too.

 

As I'm typing this I'm thinking there are more issues than Christmas gifts to consider.

 

[shanvan]

Offering specific "Dear Santa" wish lists with appropriate items might help.

 

I like consumables such as art supplies, water toys that get trashed each year, sporting equipment they need/want/will use (ski equip, balls, etc), useful school-related things like a telescope or microscope, books, and of course new items they actually need or really want (mp3 player, digital camera, etc.) DVDs and/or books can be good if you can offer a list (favorite old TV shows for road trips, etc).

 

HTH

 

These are good suggestions. I've tried some of these before. We do lists and they sometimes actually buy what is on them. Then they usually throw in a pile of other inappropriate items as well. The trouble is, like another poster's in-laws, my Dh parents like to buy cheap. I can only imagine what we'd get if we asked for a microscope!

 

We can't ask for art supplies b/c Dh is a serious artist who has his work displayed in several galleries across the country. He has very specific requirements and he buys whatever the kids need in that area. When they were younger we did use some of the cheaper supplies.

 

The camera idea might be good if Dh goes with them when they shop. Maybe we can come up with a book list too. I tried Dvds in the past and my SILs won't buy what my kids are aking for because they (SILs) don't like the Dvds (not because of Dvds being inappropriate, just b/c they don't personally like it). We can always try again. Thanks for the ideas. Dh and I will be working on lists tonight. We usually talk with the in-laws about them on Thanksgiving.

 

My mom has surprised me by finally 'getting it' and realizing the kids have too much stuff. She's giving money this year to use for either riding lessons or dog training classes. Both Dc have some lessons in these areas already, but would like to add more advanced lessons which we aren't able to afford right now.

[Mommyof4ks]

We do a toy purge before Christmas every year, and we donate Christmas presents the children do not like to local charities at the beginning of the year. It is up to others what they want to spend their money on, so we just roll with it. My kids get what they really want from us, so everything else is either bonus or a good lesson in sharing and helping others.

 

After your kiddos see what they get for Christmas, perhaps the stuff in the basement can be gone through and donated too. We try to keep only things that have a home, and if there is no room then something has to go to make room.

[dcjlkplus3]

. They've tried telling my in-laws they want riding lessons, or skating lessons, or something like that, but my in-laws won't agree to these things, not because they can't afford it, but because they won't have the thrill of watching them open something plastic. The kids take this a little personally too.

 

As I'm typing this I'm thinking there are more issues than Christmas gifts to consider.

 

 

Is there a way you can gently suggest that what they really want are their lessons, and maybe they can make a really nice certificate or note for that and put it in a special keepsake box or with a something that goes with their hobbies of skating and riding. I have seen this work well with friends of ours. I totally get wanting to see someone open the gift you give them (I love that myself) but this way they are ALSO giving them something that they will LOVE and really WANT.

 

:grouphug: Good luck

[SonshineLearner]

I love the "Dear Santa" list :) What a good way to let people know the "Cute List" that they are hoping for :)

[arghmatey]

When people ask, I tell them they don't have to get our children anything. Without fail, they always say they know that but want to anyway. I then say that I feel uncomfortable because we limit toys in a big way, and most things quickly get donated or returned. Then I tell them the girls would love to spend time with them at lunch or baking cookie or something like that. I never cave.

 

I can politely refuse things ad infinitum.

[jenn-]

My MIL is notorious for buying, buying, buying. Then she moans and groans about how messy their rooms are. I bite my tongue about how 90% of the stuff in there came from her! This year Legos are the list. Not just on the list, but the only thing listed. Like a pp said about Barbie clothing, we have way too many Legos as is, but at least they are small and can be shoved into a box.

[Mrs Mungo]

Well, I don't advise what my friend did. She felt her in-laws sent too many presents. She boxed half of them up and sent them back. her in-laws have never sent her kids presents *or* visited at holidays since. My friend is now really hurt over that, but she created the situation.

[shanvan]

Well, I don't advise what my friend did. She felt her in-laws sent too many presents. She boxed half of them up and sent them back. her in-laws have never sent her kids presents *or* visited at holidays since. My friend is now really hurt over that, but she created the situation.

 

Yes, this is the type of situation I would like to avoid. Dc don't really have a great relationship with them now, but I don't want it to be even worse.

[happypamama]

We have managed to get everyone to tone down the gift-giving now that there are several children. We've also talked a lot about them not needing stuff, how much they already have, etc.

 

I do suggest things like Legos or doll clothes, because they don't really add to the mess. 2000 Legos isn't really much more mess than 1000 Legos, just takes a few extra minutes to clean them up.

 

For things like classes or memberships, how about some accessory to go with the class? Like, dance classes, but the something to open could be the leotard and tights.

[shanvan]

My MIL is notorious for buying, buying, buying. Then she moans and groans about how messy their rooms are. I bite my tongue about how 90% of the stuff in there came from her! This year Legos are the list. Not just on the list, but the only thing listed. Like a pp said about Barbie clothing, we have way too many Legos as is, but at least they are small and can be shoved into a box.

 

That's how I felt last year. This year I'm not willing to tolerate any more legos! There's a limit to how many boxes/bins you can have too.

[ereks mom]

Dh side of the family is not very involved with Dc's lives. They complain that they don't see them enough, but then won't come if invited to a horse show or dog show. Yet they spend a lot of time attending cousin's baseball games.

 

We've had this same issue with my dh's side of the family. My dc are involved in music and drama, and dh's parents have very, very rarely made the effort to come to any of their performances, though until recently we've always invited them. They DO attend the performances of their other grandchildren--the kids who live in the same town they do. We live an hour's drive away, and I guess that's just too far. However, my mom also lives an hour's drive away (in the opposite direction from dh's parents), and she has come to almost EVERY performance the dc have ever had, even though she has to drive by herself (she's a widow and has no one to come with her unless she brings a friend, which she has occasionally done). I've learned to just let it go. It does hurt, but at least my mom is there for my dc, and consequently, they ADORE her. They love dh's parents, but it's not a close relationship at all.

[GoVanGogh]

Seriously, with my lack of family gifts... and the fact that I only wish I had to deal with family gifts right now, I just don't think it's worth any hurt feelings :( Just my thoughts...

:iagree:

My child has never received gifts from the grandparents. It is not the gifts (or lack thereof) that I miss, but the relationships that they are not interested in building.

When (if) I have grandchildren, I hope and pray that I am able to shower them with love - and gifts. I want to be that grandma that my DIL rolls her eyes and says, "Another box of clothes."

Maybe that is where your relatives are coming from?

[Catwoman]

Well, I don't advise what my friend did. She felt her in-laws sent too many presents. She boxed half of them up and sent them back. her in-laws have never sent her kids presents *or* visited at holidays since. My friend is now really hurt over that, but she created the situation.

 

Wow. :001_huh:

 

I would definitely side with the in-laws on that one. Your friend was way out of line, and probably ruined the holidays for her in-laws. Their feelings must have been terribly hurt. And the kids probably felt sad about not getting all of the presents, too.

 

One thing I think many people don't understand is how much time and effort many grandparents put into selecting, purchasing, and wrapping lots of gifts for their grandchildren -- not to mention the expense. It's not a 10-minute job; there's a lot of thought, planning, and shopping involved.

[Puma Mom]

What I have found is that you have to figure out what kind of gifts the relatives like to give and suggest accordingly. (The relatives start asking for suggestions right around Thanksgiving.)

 

For instance, my mom likes bargains. She will not pay for quality. So we find a type of thing similar to what she has previously bought for that child where quality doesn't vary so much. We tell her ds18 wants Virginia Tech t-shirts--very specific, easy for her to find, not expensive, never has too many. She's happy, he's happy.

 

SIL likes to buy DVDs, so we suggest a few. MIL likes to give large gifts, so we try to think of something that is large but not expensive.

 

I have to watch the one SIL because she sees a list of suggested gifts as a list of what to get. She wants to make sure that the child is getting everything on that wish list, and she'll buy it if she hears no one else has. So she gets a shortened list.

[Mrs Mungo]

Wow. :001_huh:

 

I would definitely side with the in-laws on that one. Your friend was way out of line, and probably ruined the holidays for her in-laws. Their feelings must have been terribly hurt. And the kids probably felt sad about not getting all of the presents, too.

 

One thing I think many people don't understand is how much time and effort many grandparents put into selecting, purchasing, and wrapping lots of gifts for their grandchildren -- not to mention the expense. It's not a 10-minute job; there's a lot of thought, planning, and shopping involved.

 

I don't disagree in the least. That's why I shared it. I think you really have to consider both sides of the issue. My MIL is on a fixed income, she likes the kids to have LOTS of stuff, so she buys cheap stuff. Yes, it breaks and gets tossed relatively soon, but it's not a *real* problem. Making a big deal of it would cause a *real* problem.

[Rjmakmom]

My problem is that my kids are not really toy kids. My parents know that and work very hard at picking 1 or 2 things that my kids will really like and maybe some useful things like blankets, sheets, clothes, etc. My in laws are wonderful, but are of the idea that more is best, regardless of quality. So, they tend to get a ton of cheapy toys and things that my kids would never even choose for themselves, clothes that are the wrong size, and toys they will never play with. It makes it hard to find room for all the stuff and then convince the kids to play with them. We donate (on the sly) what we can, but they are involved even though they live an hour away, so we have to keep some of it around for appearances. Good luck!

[Mommy22alyns]

We give specific ideas to the grandmothers. Basically, I make lists of what to get the girls and delegate certain items to them. It's a win-win - we don't get a bunch of crap and they don't have to think too hard. :tongue_smilie:

 

One unfortunate thing is that MIL has something against gift cards unless she's backed into a corner (i.e., I got a Starbucks card last year and was perfectly happy with it!). So we have to give her an item to get, but it has to be easily found because she doesn't really shop online and doesn't live near a big city with a lot of shopping choices.

Edited November 21, 2011 by Mommy22alyns

[Catwoman]

I don't disagree in the least. That's why I shared it. I think you really have to consider both sides of the issue. My MIL is on a fixed income, she likes the kids to have LOTS of stuff, so she buys cheap stuff. Yes, it breaks and gets tossed relatively soon, but it's not a *real* problem. Making a big deal of it would cause a *real* problem.

 

I don't know why people do the "more is better" thing, when the "more" is junk. It would be so much easier if they just asked what the kids really wanted for Christmas and bought a few halfway decent things that someone might actually use.

[melmichigan]

It has taken years, but yes, I consider myself successful in limiting Christmas gifts. The kids grandparents contribute to the kids YMCA membership and limit the number of gifts while trying to make them worthwhile, such as watches for the kids this year. They are getting things like hand-made gloves and hat sets, and snowpants for those who need them to go along with sleds and snow fort builders for outside this year. Swimming lessons are on the lists along with books from their book wishlists. There were years where one child would get more than they get combined now so I am happy. It gets hard for them buy more Little People for the youngest child when you already own every set in existance. ;) We have been lucky that most of what has been purchased over the years has been quality so it passes to the youngers, once you have all the Little People, and the whole Thomas wooden train set, and 300 or so Hot Wheels there isn't much left on their lists anymore. Legos, well, the kids would definately argue that you cannot have enough legos when they all decide to play.

Edited November 22, 2011 by melmichigan

[Parrothead]

I tried limiting gifts one year. That was the year we were inundated with gifts. My parents were especially sneaky about it.

[Lara in Colo]

I don't know why people do the "more is better" thing, when the "more" is junk. It would be so much easier if they just asked what the kids really wanted for Christmas and bought a few halfway decent things that someone might actually use.

 

 

I agree. I also think this leads to the children not taking care of their things.

A) they have too much stuff (hard to take care of if it is everywhere)

B) it breaks anyway--hard to know the good from the cheap when you are 9.

 

I also find it leads to no one really playing with stuff. They are sort of overwhelmed.

 

I would rather they have 2 nice things than all that stuff that falls apart.

It is so heartbreaking when they REALLY like something and it breaks within hours. (or never really worked in the first place).

 

However, I do not say anything to the family. I just toss when I can (like when 1/2 the parts are broken) and I preselect the out of town boxes, and do a PS on the thank-you notes to include the things I edited.

 

What I am tired of is my mother taking them to Goodwill and them coming home with 1/2 broken, things that are "amazing" and I have to try and find the other parts, or glue the wings back on--but hey, it was only a dollar and they REALLY wanted it. Grrrr.

[IATeachingMom]

I'm going to go out on a limb here... and I haven't read pages 2 or 3, but.... one thing that worked once before, but for the dc to ask for a "big" gift, something more expensive. That way they might only be getting one or two things, which takes up less space, and as it sounds- they are getting older- they might like it more? Also, we started having conversations along the lines of... "they are getting older and liking more expensive things" So, just one present is ok, or if you and Uncle So and So/Aunt So and So all go in together on something they would love it! Just an idea.

[Impish]

Well, I don't advise what my friend did. She felt her in-laws sent too many presents. She boxed half of them up and sent them back. her in-laws have never sent her kids presents *or* visited at holidays since. My friend is now really hurt over that, but she created the situation.

Wowzers. :001_huh:

[katilac]

It bothers me that my family is spending money for gifts we don't need, don't have room for, and are often inappropriate.

 

I refuse to feel badly about this anymore. It's their decision, not mine. There's no way they don't realize that we are purging tons of stuff at least twice a year - they've seen my house! Short of building a climate-controlled storage shed, it's the only thing I can do.

 

Some of the stuff always winds up stacked in a closet, unopened. The kids know where it is and if they ask for it, fine. If not, I eventually donate it. I try not to open the things they are unlikely to use, so I can take them to the children's hospital. Opened items go to Goodwill. None of our "toys for tots" type charities will accept used toys, period.

[Dianne-TX]

I haven't read the other posts, so I apologize if I'm repeating. I read an idea on here recently that I put into practice. I had my dc make a "need, want, wear, read" list and list 3 to 5 things under each. It really helped them to think and also not get too greedy and it helps us to choose from their list. I also sent them to both grandmas.

[FaithManor]

We had a long talk with the grandparents about this. But, they were also beginning to feel that they wanted Christmas to have more meaning than just "a pile of gifts" so we all agreed that a large portion of the money that was normally spent on gifts would actually go to charity - started this tradition twoyears ago so this will be the third Christmas. Grandma and grandpa bring a list of ideas over to the children and they get to pick the charity they would like to contribute to. Mom and dad write the checks, the kids address the envelopes, and mail the checks. They then each get a $10.00 gift card each on Christmas Eve as their gift from the grandparents.

 

So far they've pooled their charity money to one person and that is a doctor with "Doctors without Borders". He and his wife operate a free medical clinic in a very dangerous, unbelievably poor area of the world. The boys' "Christmas money" has purchased some medical supplies, diapers for sick babies being kept as inpatients, seeds for gardens & chickens for some widowed moms, and formula for a baby who was dying of malnutrition because her mother died in childbirth and there was no relative who could serve as a wet-nurse. The father and the oldest sister were trying to feed babe honey that was mixed with some mashed biscuit and thinned with water. We support babe now so that her daddy doesn't worry about not being able to feed her again. It's been the biggest blessing to our family!

 

In terms of what we do at our house, we adopt a family in need (we do it anonymously - our pastor delivers the gifts) to provide a Christmas for: groceries, pay a month or two of heat (depending on how much money we have to spend on Christmas that year), and presents for the children. We then buy one big "family gift" for all of us (though dd has completely different needs than her brothers so she may get a largish gift this year) and stockings.

 

It's hard to get the relatives on board. But, maybe you could convince them that you are trying to teach the children a lesson about giving instead of always receiving and ask them to help your children give to a charity this year instead of spending such a big amount on presents.

 

Faith

[Denisemomof4]

when we lived in a smaller place and our extended family continued to shower the kids with gifts, I just had to make a choice to clear out and donate things without guilt. It was a blessing to give such nice toys to families less fortunate than us. Of course I never told my family we did this because I'd never want to hurt their feelings, but it was necessary so we weren't overrun with toys.

 

After years of excessive gift giving. my parents thankfully started to give money. We also started to pare down. I hated what Christmas had become and I wanted to change it. The first year we scaled back, honestly......... the kids were so much HAPPIER! I'm not sure why but they were.

 

I love the idea of one large gift, a few small, then a stocking. Stockings were also extremely expensive and I've started to scale back on those now, too. Instead of buying EVERYONE a movie, I'll buy a family movie or two. Everyone will still get their stockings (huge stockings!) filled with treats, fun accessories and the typical socks/shavers/deodorant, etc.

 

If your house is too crowded, definitely do some decluttering. Then have a policy that if something new is brought into the home, something older has to be taken out. It's a good rule because then you won't be overrun with "stuff" again.

[J-rap]

I've never been comfortable asking others to not give so much, but a few things we did over the years that helped were:

 

Decrease the amount we give to each other by a lot -- main gift and a few smaller ones.

 

Have a garage sale every summer, which the kids helped organize (once they were old enough) and at which they received 100% profit from their things that were sold. Anything NOT sold at the garage sale (but which had been deemed not wanted anymore) was immediately given away, brought to the thrift store, etc.

 

A good room cleaning/organizing in the fall. Since we knew we were going to be cooped up in the house for several months during our harsh winter, we needed to make room to play! (This always got rid of more stuff!)

 

After receiving gifts at Christmas, I tried to give away or store at least the same number of of gifts, so that we weren't adding to the clutter, but merely exchanging the clutter. :)

 

I know what you mean about a room being too much for a child to even clean! Our youngest even experiences that now from time to time with her clothes. Being the youngest of 4 girls plus a sister-in-law, she gets more hand-me-downs than she knows how to deal with! Sometimes I just need to sit down with her and help her sort/think through it all. (Do you REALLY need 5 white long-sleeved shirts, etc.)

[Tigger]

I usually take DS's santa list and send suggestions to family members who ask (my parents, DH's parents, my sister, etc.) and not repeat the same things - basically they each get a different list....which works well because DS winds up with the things he asked for (mostly, see below) and not too much he didn't ask for (see below).

 

Now my mom is great about that - she'll pick a couple of things and go with things DS has asked for, then she'll get him a couple of stocking stuffers. Aunts, cousins and friends who get idea lists are also great!

 

My sister, not so much - she'll pick a couple of things and then add HEAPS more from her and her family, so much so that last year she out-did Santa under the tree, it was ridiculous!

 

My MIL, not at all, she goes through the list then tells me all the reasons why she won't get ABC or XYZ, then proceeds to get DS what she *thinks* he *should want* and goes with the more means more love, so gets him a ridiculous number of things too....needless to say, her choices are usually epic fails, but DS is polite and thanks her for the gifts.