PhotoGal Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 My ds really loves to be active, but has a hard time being coached. He tends to take things personally so when his coach corrects him, he takes it pretty hard. He used to really be into tennis, but after a short time with a coach that wasn't too positive, he doesn't want to do it. Does anyone have experience with a sensitive son? What sports worked for him? Ds loves to do sports, but doesn't love the coaching aspect. A lot of coaches around here seem pretty strict. Even our local little league has a reputation for coaches yelling at kids, etc. Any advice? I should add that I'm really not a sporty person at all, so though we try to do "P.E." I really don't know what I am doing. Ds likes to go hit tennis balls with me for fun, but I can't consistently hit them back to him. :blushing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Well, one thing is that it might be a good thing if he can learn to take coaching constructively. So maybe an individual sport where the coach is also a sensitive person and can help him with that. Or, what about intramural sports, with less or no real emphasis on coaching? Some kids are just not really interested in achieving things in sports, though they find them fun to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Track? I know there are crazy track coaches, but it just seems like a more laid-back kind of sport. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veggiegal Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 My boys enjoy individual sports more, though still activities where they are with a group of kids. Skating lessons, karate, yoga, running club, swimming, that kind of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Swimming. 90% of the time, the kids face (and ears) are in the water, so the coach can't be yelling at them. And there's usually a large group, not one on one so all the corrections/directions aren't directed at one swimmer personally but rather at the whole group. However, maybe he just needs a new coach/team, not just a new sport. There are good coaches and bad coaches in every sport. You might have to keep looking til you find the right coach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 At 7, I don't think they really need a coached sport. Take family hikes, throw a baseball or football around, play tag, go to the playground, ride your bikes. . . My ds was like your son when he was younger but by the time he was 11, he was able to take instruction just fine. We chose to go into tae kwando which is not a team sport but is still "coached" or instructed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 DD is like this. Look for a better coach in a not very competitive setting. For something like tennis, I wounder if you could find an enthusiastic teenager. I gave private tennis lessons as a teen at public courts. All I needed was a basket of balls. I allowed DD to drop a couple of sports when I wasn't happy with the coaching myself. I don't mind constructive criticism, but her coaches were rather indifferent and absent minded, and didn't provide the feedback that she needed. She felt they never paid attention to her. Now she loves horseback riding, and said she is willing to put up with more criticism because she wants to improve. So far her coaches have been really positive and supportive, so I'm not sure if her new resolve to work through criticism will work out, though :D She had one swimming instructor that ended up yelling at them and threatening to send them to their parents. She switched instructors after the first lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 At 7, I don't think they really need a coached sport. Take family hikes, throw a baseball or football around, play tag, go to the playground, ride your bikes. . . My ds was like your son when he was younger but by the time he was 11, he was able to take instruction just fine. We chose to go into tae kwando which is not a team sport but is still "coached" or instructed. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Ice skating Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Swimming. 90% of the time, the kids face (and ears) are in the water, so the coach can't be yelling at them. And there's usually a large group, not one on one so all the corrections/directions aren't directed at one swimmer personally but rather at the whole group. However, maybe he just needs a new coach/team, not just a new sport. There are good coaches and bad coaches in every sport. You might have to keep looking til you find the right coach. :iagree: I was thinking summer swimming also. There are so many kids on the team that they're not likely to get a lot of individualized attention which sounds like it might be good in your son's case. Also, the season (for us) is only about 6-8 weeks and our team is really supportive of the idea that it's a fun time for the kids whether they're the top swimmers or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Cross country running works well for us. The coach isn't with you much, and there isn't much that be offered in the form of yelling, other then "go, go, go". :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I'd look around for a team/league that isn't competitive. Competitive teams often have coaches that are harder on the kids. I'd ask up-front for a coach that is easy on kids, explain your ds. Or ask around to find a coach that is mild-mannered. My boys have had lots of coaches, some yellers (my kids HATED that), some not. Good luck - that's hard! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmama Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 My very sensitive girl (age 8) does summer swimming. There's a gaggle of kids, most coach comments are to the group, and when they're in the water, it's just the kid and the pool. Can be as fun and relaxing or as competitive as you want, provided a decent tone is set by the coaches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 You might consider gymnastics. It is a heavily coached sport, but the coaches are used to dealing with sensitive, high strung boys, at least the ones we know. Ask around for a good coach. You need to find a good match between the coach and the child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 the only time the kids get yelled at is when they are not listening. :tongue_smilie: My oldest son would not be a sports kind of kid if it wasn't for swimming. He loves it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Another vote for swimming. :) My DS is the same way, he's a sensitive soul. We are working on learning not to take everything personally. Swimming has been great for him. He did have one bad experience with an instructor who was filling in for his usual. She had *just* turned 16, and was just horrible. DS left that lesson in tears. I'm chalking it up to her inexperience teaching. Other than that, swimming has been wonderful for DS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trivium Pursuit Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I think kids can really benefit in many ways from participating in team sports so, I wouldn't give up on them because of bad coaching experiences. I agree with a previous poster who mentioned looking for a less competitive league. For example, in my area little league baseball played in the fall is laid back and really works on improving the skills of all the players on the team. Whereas, the little league baseball played in the spring is extremely competitive. Also, look into the Upward Sports Leagues. At the younger ages it is very noncompetitive. Its focus is on developing skills and confidence. Upward is a Christian sports league for children that is not tied to any one denomination. Check the website (http://www.upward.org) to see if there is a league near you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Tae Kwon Do is great Karate is great Aikido (non-competitive, non-striking, non-violent) ---- Archery--great fun, not a lot of workout, but you're outdoors and it takes skill. Running around the track (1 mile a few times a week). Taking a walk a few times a week Walking the dog ----- Swimming--500 yards 2-3 times a week Fencing--Great fun!!! Lots of workout!!! ------ Personal Training: 20 pushups, 25 squats, 50 stars, 100 jumping jacks ev.day ------- You don't need sports to be healthy and active! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetandSimple Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Volleyball! http://www.usyvl.org/ The United States Youth volleyball league is fantastic! Very non-competitive, and lots of fun. It has been the perfect socialization/PE activity for our not-so-athletic son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts and resources. I feel so lucky to be able to hear from people who have been there! I really appreciate your help! I'm afraid we might have burned the swimming bridge already. :001_unsure: The kids took swimming last year and at first they liked it and then gradually started to dislike it. I always asked them if they wanted to sign up again and they always wanted to, but eventually they grew to hate swimming class. But, they were still at the level where the instructor is in the pool with you and showing you proper technique, etc. They hadn't reached the level where there are a bunch of kids in the pool with the teacher out of the pool. That swim school is a really excellent school, but maybe a little too serious. I had the kids take one week of swim class over the summer at the local rec center just so they would remember how fun it is, but they still claim they "hate swimming class". They are stuck on that. I guess that is part of the problem with ds is that once there is something he doesn't like, he goes to the extreme of saying he always hates it. He said the same thing about writing the other day even though he hadn't had a problem this whole year so far. Just one tough assignment and now he "hates writing" and never wants to do it again. :glare: So I do agree with the pp that he does need to eventually handle being coached or given instruction. We had the same issue with violin when it was required at his school. He loved playing but didn't like anyone to advise him. He likes to already be an expert before he even begins, kwim? It is something we are working on in general for sure. I would love to find a track or running program. That is a great idea. I have asked him about martial arts, but he has a friend who is very good at that and I think it intimidated him. He did enjoy some "open gym" time recently with dd, so he might be open to gymnastics at some point. I have looked into archery - I will have to follow up on that. Fencing might work as well. Thank you again for the wonderful suggestions! Volleyball is a great idea. I think he would enjoy that for sure. At least he hasn't tried it, so it will be a fresh start. :001_smile: We do some biking, walking, etc as a family, but I have to admit not as much as we should. I am more the read/knit/scrapbook type and dh is working/travelling a lot. I feel like we need to make an extra effort to give him chances to play and stay active, as well as meet other kids. We will keep working on it! Hopefully his ability to handle coaching will improve with maturity as well. Dd is the opposite and wants to sign up for everything! LOL (Unless ds says he hates it, then she will say the same :tongue_smilie:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 However, maybe he just needs a new coach/team, not just a new sport. There are good coaches and bad coaches in every sport. You might have to keep looking til you find the right coach. Agree with this. My ds is the same way and he will take well to any sport provided the coach is sensitive and positive. Unfortunately though, most sports coaches that I have come across have been rough and seemed to consider yelling to be a normal part of coaching. Such behavior would never be acceptable when teaching maths or science! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momsquared Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My dd so far is my super athletic one. Coaching is everything. She did cheer leading and hated it because the coach (and many of the parents) were a little crazy. Now? She plays soccer and softball, but we know the coach. He is a family friend and his kids play on the team. Is something like this possible? Dd also plays ice hockey. This is a very competitive sport, but her coaches are outstanding. She is on the most wonderful and supportive all girls team. I could hug her coached every day they do such a great job. This sport has been life changing in building confidence for my dd. With that said, my DS is young and kind of scared of trying traditional sports. He takes a dance class and LOVES it. Is dance an option? It's such great exercise! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2att Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 We do some biking, walking, etc as a family, but I have to admit not as much as we should. I am more the read/knit/scrapbook type and dh is working/travelling a lot. I feel like we need to make an extra effort to give him chances to play and stay active, as well as meet other kids. We will keep working on it! Hopefully his ability to handle coaching will improve with maturity as well. This is exactly why I have my boys do team sports. We are so not an athletic/competitive family, but I think that the experience of being on a team and listening to/respecting coaches is a good one. For us the key has been to find sports leagues where the focus is on fun and learning rather than competing and winning. There's a soccer league in our area that does just this and it has been a good fit for our family. They have premier/travel teams that the kids can try out for if they are more inclined to the sport and want a greater commitment, but the recreation teams are all about just learning the game and having fun. Everybody gets to play, teamwork is stressed, and we've never had a coach we didn't like. I also think that there are some kids that are ready for team sports at four, and others for whom it is best to wait. My older son played on a team for the first time at 8, when he played a season of baseball (after that we switched to soccer). Even then adjusting to taking instruction from a coach, dealing with teammates, etc. was a stretch, and it took several seasons to relax enough to start to enjoy himself. He's in his 5th season of playing soccer now, and while he doesn't love it, it's great exercise and he's learning a lot. So perhaps at 7 the OP's son just needs more time to find what works for his family. Pick a sport, find a good league, and stick with it for a couple of seasons. In a lot of ways I think that applying oneself and persevering even when it's not a favorite activity have been some of the best lessons we've learned from team sports. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Upward sports (basketball, flag football, soccer) has a very gentle approach to team sports for little ones. It is a Christian and evangelical organization, so if you are completely against this, just know this. My boys have done bball since they were in kindy. No yellng at kids. Fair and equal play. Everyone concentrates on teaching, building skills and teamwork, including the refs. The refs end up doing a fair amount of teaching during games. My husband has been a coach for a couple of years. We have been really pleased with the program. My oldest son is sensitive, as well, and Upward has worked well for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassiemc Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Our oldest has tried a lot of sports and it wasn't until swimming that he found something he really likes. His coach is quiet and would never yell. I have seen one coach who yells a lot. She coaches another team and I have made note to never take my kids there. Coaches will tell you child what to do to make his stroke better, but my son has always taken this well. He has also enjoyed karate, but he did feel a lot of pressure as he moved up and it got harder. So, another vote for swimming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Based on your op, I wouldn't call your son sensitive as much as stubborn. Obviously, I could be wrong! It sounds like no yelling was involved from the tennis coach. I have a child like this!! He knows how to do everything and wants no advice and then can't understand why he has trouble. Some of this will be helped with maturity. Being a perfectionist makes it harder. You might laugh at my suggestion, but I would fund videos of older kids practicing, or take him to any sports practice- high schoolish age- and show him that they get instruction and they are already pretty good players. Don't be afraid to try again with a team sport. Some coaches yell because players are spread out and can't hear them. I wouldn't want my 7 year old on a team where a coach got in his face or was rude to him, either. However, I would push him to play again if the coach was being reasonable. ***Don't push too hard, or he might really like it and then you will spend every free moment sitting on bleachers!!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 What about something run by UpWards? I know around here they have basketball, indoor soccer, and I think baseball. They are run by churches, and considered Christian, don't know whether that's good or bad for you (or neutral), but they also have a much different (pleasant) atmosphere..... http://www.upward.org/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Upward sports (basketball, flag football, soccer) has a very gentle approach to team sports for little ones.. Duh - I completely missed this post!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny_P Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 To paraphrase Greece: Running. Long distance running. (While looking at the horizon.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IdahoMtnMom Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My son is younger, but rather sensitive like yours. He WANTS to do a sport, though... so I am letting him try skiing when the mountain opens. I have located a wonderful instructor who is kind and warmhearted and will give private lessons. We are all very excited for the snow to stick :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My ds11 is super sensitive. Taekwondo has been great for him. He's going on 5 years with the same instructor. I chose this instructor because he's awesome with sensitive kids. He used to give him breaks when he was little and crying. Now, he encourages him to funnel is anxiety or frustration into the sport. It has worked wonders. Archery didn't work for him, but only because his little brother is amazing and he was constantly comparing himself to Tom. Drives me crazy because it's an individual sport. So it goes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My friend's son is just like your son. Super kid, but very sensitive. They enrolled him in mixed (male and female) ringette. He loves it and they keep raving about how awesome a fit it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lailasmum Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 How about something more unusual like sailing, boules, climbing or horse riding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 My friend's son is just like your son. Super kid, but very sensitive. They enrolled him in mixed (male and female) ringette. He loves it and they keep raving about how awesome a fit it is. What is ringette? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acurtis75 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I think kids can really benefit in many ways from participating in team sports so, I wouldn't give up on them because of bad coaching experiences. I agree with a previous poster who mentioned looking for a less competitive league. For example, in my area little league baseball played in the fall is laid back and really works on improving the skills of all the players on the team. Whereas, the little league baseball played in the spring is extremely competitive. Also, look into the Upward Sports Leagues. At the younger ages it is very noncompetitive. Its focus is on developing skills and confidence. Upward is a Christian sports league for children that is not tied to any one denomination. Check the website (http://www.upward.org) to see if there is a league near you. I was going to say upwards also or the YMCA. Basically you need a league where the mentality is less competitive. As a person who was a competitive athlete I know our local YMCA leagues are pretty laid back. To me they go a little far in the everyone is a winner & gets a trophy & not even keeping score direction for my taste because I think it's important to win or lose graciously. It's hard to do that I'd there's no winner. I would also meet with the coach you are assigned to make sure he or she is in line with the leagues philosophies...there are bad coaches everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Upwards sounds really nice. We aren't Christian, so that may not work for us. YMCA is a good idea. I did sign him up for a "just for fun" basketball league for January. It is only 4 weeks, so if he doesn't like it, it isn't a huge loss. I'm not sure if he would like the "everybody wins" kind of sport either. He was taking tennis at through the rec department and he said it was too easy (which is probably true, but I thought he would still have fun). The tennis coach he had was not yelling in his face or anything. Ds was taking lessons with a friend. The friend was not really listening / generally had a bad attitude often. So the coach was obviously frustrated and more strict due to that. He also seemed disappointed (would visibly sigh) every time they missed a shot. We talked about how even professional tennis players miss shots all the time, but ds definitely got anxious. He still wants to play tennis for fun, but doesn't want to take lessons. Unfortunately he is not going to learn anything from me because he is already beyond me! I don't know if we could find a coach that was perfectly positive and enthusiastic all the time. It would be tough to find. At least with tennis I don't feel like there is a rush - he can always take it up again at a later age. (Assuming I can help him overcome the "it's okay for people to see you not know something" thing). Maybe it is better to look at sports where the technique doesn't have to be just right. Swimming and tennis both had that - you had to do things the exact correct way. Maybe rock climbing? Does that have specific techniques you need to use? Maybe running? It might be he can handle coaching if it is more general and not about everything having to be just so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Well, I asked him this evening if he would be interested in volleyball in the spring. He said, "maybe..." Then he said he wished it would be tennis instead. So I guess he is still in love with tennis despite his previous coach. I just need to really focus on finding a positive low-stress coach I think. (As well as working on the "mistakes are good" philosophy). :001_smile: Thank you again everyone for all of your ideas. I have written them all down and it is great to have so many possibilities. It also is a relief that I'm not the only one with a sensitive little guy. I wish we all lived in the same city and could have a super fun sports group. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 We do tennis lessons as a family right now. It's awesome! The dds don't feel pressure (especially the one that takes all criticism harshly) and we're having fun. Eventually, they will take lessons from the coach on their own but they're being introduced to it in a very fun way and we can all practice together. One of our local parks has a great retired high school coach and he does private or group lessons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoGal Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 We do tennis lessons as a family right now. It's awesome! The dds don't feel pressure (especially the one that takes all criticism harshly) and we're having fun. Eventually, they will take lessons from the coach on their own but they're being introduced to it in a very fun way and we can all practice together. One of our local parks has a great retired high school coach and he does private or group lessons. This sounds awesome. I would love to find something like that! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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