EmilyinND Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I have been slender my whole life. Never a weight fluctuator. Well, in the last year I have put on a couple of pounds, not a lot, just a little. I happened to put the weight around my middle & have a little 'pooch' Today, in church, a lady stopped me & said, "I'm going to go right to the source, are you pregnant?" I was so caught off guard. I said,"No!" Then, she said,"Oh, then, I'm sorry, it must be the shirts you've been wearing lately." I was really surprised at how this affected me. I went home & I cried (I'm not much of a crier) My ds tried to make me feel better by saying,"It's not that bad, Mom, don't let it bother you." I have to admit, it does. People should not ask someone if they are pregnant unless they are absolutely sure! It can be hurtful! I happen to really like the lady that said it to me & I'm sure she feels awful, but, I can't help but feel hurt... I'll get over it...I think I'll go have some chocolate.:nopity: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Sorry :( I'm not slender, but not "overweight"... I've been asked, too! It's just not a fun question... if you're not. Add it to the long list of blunders people make!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 :grouphug: I'm sorry. I have no idea what would possess someone to ask such a question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I am sorry, but I think you are way over-reacting. Often a woman is pregnant, doesn't know how to tell her friends or is shy about it and sort of tries to leave hints. I think it is just comes with the margin of us being females that people will be curious and wondering. I want to ask you if you were upset because of your "pooch" or because you can't easily conceive? If the former, don't care. If the latter, I am sorry. I have had people ask me due to a pooch several times and yes, a few times I got really upset, but at this point I don't care. I understand people ask because they usually care. Sorry for this rambling, My point is to not take it personally, but instead be glad that someone cares enough to ask you. I once left my early ultrasound pictures up on my fridge and nobody got a hint because they were too shy. That was a downer -especially since the year earlier they had asked me due to a pooch :tongue_smilie: I once -recently- asked a woman who totally looked pregnant if she were and she mortified said no. I was so upset and swore never to ask anyone again, hehe!!! She might actually never talk to me again, but in my defense then she totally looked preggo and was wearing a shirt that you were in pregnancy. Perhaps that was why the other asked you and not because of any pooch that wasn't even visible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 But how can you be absolutely sure? I had a friend who at five months pregnant with her 4th was too shy to tell anyone until I helped her announce it. I know she was dying to tell, but was shy. Sometimes you can see someone is pregnant because if their glow and not due to a pooch! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I don't know why everyone doesn't already know this!! If the answer is yes, you will satisfy your curiosity a few weeks sooner and if the answer is no, you send someone home crying. Not worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama2Many4 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 But how can you be absolutely sure? I had a friend who at five months pregnant with her 4th was too shy to tell anyone until I helped her announce it. I know she was dying to tell, but was shy. Sometimes you can see someone is pregnant because if their glow and not due to a pooch! :iagree: I have to agree with you. I've seen many women wear those tops that have the elastic under to b00k area to give the shirt a "tied" appearance. Those shirts look like maternity shirts and a couple of times I've asked if they were. I explained to them about the shirt mix up and everything was fine. I have 3 children and a very squishy pooch. Sometimes I get asked and laugh. I tell them it's just leftover from the last 3! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) You don't have to be absolutely sure, but in that case you don't ask if someone is pregnant! ETA: If you can't tell yet, just wait a while, these things have a way or revealing themselves eventually. Edited October 9, 2011 by LeslieAnneLevine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 :grouphug: Awww.... I know what you mean. I have the pooch too....and I was always as thin as a stick (only 100 #'s). Now I'm like 120. I'm over 40 and it's really hard to lose it. I always say it's baby fat from baby # 3. But in reality, after I had her and was nursing....I was so skinny you could see my bones. So, I don't know where it came from. I wonder how much longer I can get by with saying it's baby fat from baby #3....she just turned 8 this week. :001_huh: :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 You don't have to be absolutely sure, but in that case you don't ask if someone is pregnant!ETA: If you can't tell yet, just wait a while, these things have a way or revealing themselves eventually. :iagree: I hate being asked. I have several times. And usually it's when I just lost weight. Now I won't be having any more babies and I'm upset about that, so being asked hurts. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mona100 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Today, in church, a lady stopped me & said, "I'm going to go right to the source, are you pregnant?" I was so caught off guard. I said,"No!" Then, she said,"Oh, then, I'm sorry, it must be the shirts you've been wearing lately." I am wondering if others had noticed too since she said "I'm going to go right to the source". Maybe she was nominated to be the spokesperson for the nosy group of ladies. Regardless, she shouldn't have asked. I am sorry that she upset you that much. I hate being reduced to tears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 :iagree: I hate being asked. I have several times. And usually it's when I just lost weight. Now I won't be having any more babies and I'm upset about that, so being asked hurts. :( You just never know what people's stories are, so it's best not to ask. In my case I gained some weight around the middle, I was, in no way, wearing a shirt that looked like a maternity shirt. At some point during church, she must have looked over at my flabbiness & wondered if I was pregnant, then went ahead & asked. Nope, I'm not...I've had 3 children am in my mid-30s & eat too many cookies, that's all. I know I've gained a little, I had to buy new pants...but I am self-conscious about it & it hurts to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) I am so sorry! No one should ask ... they should wait until the information is offered. If one wants to leave an opening, "How are you these days!" This happened to me several times in one day. I went to a small homeschooling conference and ran into several people who hadn't seen me in a while. My youngest child was almost 2 and, unlike my other two pregnancies, I was struggling to lose the weight. I wore what I thought was a cute dress that gave me a feminine shape that didn't appear to emphasize my belly. Three different people came up to me and asked me when the baby was due. These weren't Nosy Nelly types so it really shocked me and hurt. I cried when I got home. Not two weeks later someone in church said the same thing - again, a really nice person who was accustomed to a thin me. ETA: A Freudian slip ... "rant" for "ran" Edited October 9, 2011 by dirty ethel rackham Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 I am wondering if others had noticed too since she said "I'm going to go right to the source". Maybe she was nominated to be the spokesperson for the nosy group of ladies. Regardless, she shouldn't have asked. I am sorry that she upset you that much. I hate being reduced to tears. Thank you. I was surprised at how much it bothered me, I didn't think it would. I do feel better now though... About the "I'm going to go right to the source" thing, it does bother me a bit that people might be speculating on my flabbiness. I guess I better go shopping for some Spanx....*sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 People should not ask someone if they are pregnant unless they are absolutely sure! It can be hurtful! I think I'll go have some chocolate.:nopity: :iagree: I woman I knew moved near my sil. somehow the woman got it in her head I was pregnant and asked sil - who'd heard nothing. sil called me and related all this and asked. No, I wasn't. I wasn't offended, as this same woman went around announcing a pregnancy because her period was late. she didn't even bother taking a pregnancy test first. what a flake. I never ask unless I'm positive, and usually not even then. I wouldn't want to be the person who asks a woman dealing with infertility if she was pregnant - and I've known it to happen. my sil did have fun with one person asking her when she was going to start a family - oh, didn't you hear about my miscarriage? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 BTDT...I'm sorry!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelissaMinNC Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry she hurt your feelings; I'm sure I would cry too. I agree this is a question that should never be asked. I always say I wouldn't ask a woman that question unless I saw a head emerging. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 You don't have to be absolutely sure, but in that case you don't ask if someone is pregnant!ETA: If you can't tell yet, just wait a while, these things have a way or revealing themselves eventually. prior to my sil announcing she was expecting her son, she and her dh got into a discussion that his mother wouldn't ask. so, she refused to announce anything, waiting for his mother (she was nuts - I speak from experience) to ask her. she'd always been rather heavy, had been working out and lost a great deal of weight prior so her stomach was noticable. her mil did finally did ask - after many hints that sil refused to answer. frankly, i don't understand how someone would be "shy" about announcing a pregnancy - look at the maternity fashions with stomachs as the focus of the outfit (ugh.). I felt no need to tell the world (if I did, I'd tell my mil and she'd announce it.). I despise the personal questions people feel they must ask a pregnant woman. (and the wanting to touch the stomach thing) If I haven't announced anything, they generally don't ask them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnrmom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I have gotten burned on the opposite end of this. I never, never, never ask a woman if she's pregnant. I mean, by the time I would ever think to mention it, she's ready to pop and I don't need to ask, you know? However, one time I was meeting up with an old friend of mine who had moved away. I hadn't seen or talked with her in about 6 months, and as I was walking towards her I thought "Is she pregnant?" Even though her weight had fluctuated over the years that I had known her, she really did look pregnant. But no way was I going to say anything. So we hug and say hi, and I start in on how are you, what's been going on. And she's looking at me like I'm a freak and says "Well, I'm 6 months pregnant, so that's what's new in our life." I could tell she was offended that I had completely ignored her pregnancy and hadn't congratulated her or acted surprised or anything. Sometimes you just can't win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeslieAnneLevine Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Sometimes you just can't win. With some people, you really can't. Your friend was waiting for the big reaction that she probably built up in her head. I'm guessing she didn't go home and cry about it though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 When I was pregnant with my first child, after I delivered her, my mom stopped by the store so I could pick up a couple of things. (she waited in the car with the baby...) And this lady asked, "When are you due?".... I was like... "she's in the car..." OOPS :) After I got home, I talked to someone about "having the baby" and she said, "What?? I just saw you a couple weeks ago!!" She basically went on to ask how... when?? I didn't show well until I was about 7 months or so... and when we talked I had on a pull over jacket. So... no talk of pregnancy... and she hadn't noticed. Both ways were kinda funny!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 :grouphug: :grouphug: I'm sorry she hurt your feelings; I'm sure I would cry too. I agree this is a question that should never be asked. I always say I wouldn't ask a woman that question unless I saw a head emerging. EXACTLY!!:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluezoo5 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I recently had this question posed to me also, which I'll admit does hurt, but it's not that shocking to me since right now I am considerably overweight and I am unfortunate to have that glorious "apple" shaped body type. However, the last time it happened I had just lost 40 pounds on WW and was wearing a new dress that I thought looked really cute, and I was pretty proud of myself and how I looked at the time, even though I had more weight to lose. It happened as I was talking to someone I had just met and during the course of the conversation I figured out that she thought I was expecting (ouch). So at an appropriate time during the conversation I said "oh, I'm not pregnant" thinking I'd laid this little misunderstanding to rest. Her response: "Really???" Ouch again... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I understand how you feel -- it's best not to say anything and wait till the person says something herself. A different side to the same question: When dd32 had her two late 2nd trimester losses, she was paranoid about going out (it wasn't winter - she couldn't hide under a coat) and having a stranger ask her when she was due -- she was in that 2 week time frame before the D&E and before the delivery. I've learned to keep my mouth shut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 You just never know what people's stories are, so it's best not to ask. In my case I gained some weight around the middle, I was, in no way, wearing a shirt that looked like a maternity shirt. At some point during church, she must have looked over at my flabbiness & wondered if I was pregnant, then went ahead & asked. Nope, I'm not...I've had 3 children am in my mid-30s & eat too many cookies, that's all. I know I've gained a little, I had to buy new pants...but I am self-conscious about it & it hurts to hear. :grouphug: I would be VERY upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I feel sad that you all refuse to ask someone out of fear of hurting someone's feelings. I actually remember now with my last two pregnancies I was attending a weekly coop and nobody dared ask me if I was pregnant. It made me feel sad actually, truly. I am a pretty skinny person and was obviously growing and having weird eating habits in public. I concluded it must be an American thing, but to me it is yet another American good-manners thing that to some of us more warm-blooded people (not meant in a condescending manner; perhaps I should say more temperamental people) just seems impersonal. About Mariann in NOVA, then I feel very sad about what your dd has had to go through. Facing people and friends in such a situation is just so hard, but it is part of the deal. I have had a miscarriage myself at 11 weeks and it was hard. There are just no guarantees so we want to share, yet feel ambivalent or scared. I don't think there is a right or wrong to this issue since some like to be asked and many feel hurt. You might choose to refrain which to some might appear as un-caring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnrmom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I feel sad that you all refuse to ask someone out of fear of hurting someone's feelings. I actually remember now with my last two pregnancies I was attending a weekly coop and nobody dared ask me if I was pregnant. It made me feel sad actually, truly. I am a pretty skinny person and was obviously growing and having weird eating habits in public. I concluded it must be an American thing, but to me it is yet another American good-manners thing that to some of us more warm-blooded people (not meant in a condescending manner; perhaps I should say more temperamental people) just seems impersonal. No to derail the thread, but I think self consciousness about weight in general seems to be an American thing. Women from other cultures seem to have no problem commenting on weight, and I have never found them to mean it in an insulting or judgmental way. The Italian grandmothers and aunts and both my side and my husband's side have no qualms about saying "Looks like you're getting fat" when they first see someone after a few months. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 No to derail the thread, but I think self consciousness about weight in general seems to be an American thing. Women from other cultures seem to have no problem commenting on weight, and I have never found them to mean it in an insulting or judgmental way. The Italian grandmothers and aunts and both my side and my husband's side have no qualms about saying "Looks like you're getting fat" when they first see someone after a few months. :glare: Hahahaha. Sorry, this was funny. You are probably right. I do think many Americans take their weight too seriously and I now see how the pregnancy question would make them feel sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) I understand the shock but it seems to me that, by what the lady said to you, Emily, she had heard rumors from other people and she did want to be sure. Edited October 9, 2011 by scrapbookbuzz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jplain Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Aw, that sucks. I'd cry too. I never ask until it is more than obvious. I've had multiple pregnancy losses, and I have several friends who've struggled with infertility. I know how that question can sting. Pregnancy can be a very emotional issue, and it is not my business until the mom- or dad-to-be feel like sharing. Ultimately, the risk of hurting someone's feelings is greater than my need to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mom2aprincess Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Wow! I think it is important to remember most people don't have filters. It would help if they would run what they were going to say in their mind before it came out of their mouths! I wouldn't let it bother you that much. I think it is a reflection on the other person not you. I am sure this is the same kind of person who brings up horror stories of pregnancy, labor, etc. to people when they say they are pregnant. She and people similar are just a ray of sunshine to everyone!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IdahoMtnMom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I was in multiple organ failure last fall and I gained 72 pounds in water weight in 3-4 days! All the water came off rapidly from meds and such and as a result, my stomach has a "perma pooch" no matter how hard I work at it. I am only 112 pounds but my belly looks 3 months pregnant in the right clothes. I have been asked it a few times in the past 8 months and I say "if I am, then it's the second coming of Christ through immaculate conception" and that really makes people shut up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I don't think most people wouldn't ask out of "fear", but out of respect. I used to work in infertility. I just do NOT ask if I do not know 99%-like a shirt announcing it, confirmation from the person/family first, etc. I really agree with a PP-you would be asking out of your curiosity if it was not announced. It's just nosy. It's not an American thing, either, as I know more International friends who are more cautious than Americans. A person has a right to privacy. I know many women who did not announce until late in pregnancy because of late losses in the past. You just don't know everyone's story. I would rather be cautious and wait for someone to tell me. Just like I wouldn't ask someone when they recovered from bulimia, got botox, or anything else that could be sensitive. There is also the fact that in certain religions, it is very taboo to speak of pregnancy until the baby has been born. A huge :iagree: to Jplain: Ultimately, the risk of hurting someone's feelings is greater than my need to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Thank you. I was surprised at how much it bothered me, I didn't think it would. I do feel better now though... About the "I'm going to go right to the source" thing, it does bother me a bit that people might be speculating on my flabbiness. I guess I better go shopping for some Spanx....*sigh* It may not be that you look pregnant but that others were hoping you were. In church everyone is always excited about a pregnant mom, and new baby to hold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 I understand the shock but it seems to me that, by what the lady said to you, Emily, she had heard rumors from other people and she did want to be sure. I got the feeling that she & her husband were discussing it & she just decided to ask me. I like this woman & I'm not angry with her, but it stung. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 That is just one of those questions that should not be asked, along with: Don't you know what causes that? Are you planning on having more? Aren't you going to give him/her a little brother or sister soon? More people need to MYOB when it comes to issues of pregnancy, fertility, and family size. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lakerks Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 That is just one of those questions that should not be asked, along with: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 My dh did this once, when he was a teenager. He asked the music minister's wife. He just saw her, assumed, was really excited, and said, without thinking, "I didn't know you were pregnant!" She wasn't. His mom told him, "next time, just say 'oh you just seem to have that glow!'" He assured her there was not going to be a next time. He wanted the earth to open up and swallow him. I bet the church lady feels the same way. Some folks just don't think. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AHASRADA Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I concluded it must be an American thing... I definitely agree with Nadia. We Americans are very reserved about a lot of things that are just not a big deal in other cultures. We don't typically discuss money, weight or personal appearance in general with anyone, and religion and politics are often off-limits as well. These are all fair-game topics in most Mediterranean cultures, where the definition of "private" or "personal" are fuzzy to non-existent. I would absolutely never ask someone if they were pregnant, unless it was a very close friend or relative who would be more offended if I didn't "notice"! Either she's fat or pregnant, and neither is any of my business. My foreign in-laws, however, thought nothing of stating matter-of-factly that I needed to start working out as soon as the baby got old enough that I could manage it. I know that, but I don't want anyone telling me, you know? Still, I was expecting it from them, since discussing people's weight is typical in their family (a family of skinny people, BTW, but I'm not bitter :tongue_smilie:. When I was pregnant, an acquaintance asked me, at least discreetly, and I answered in the affirmative, but I wasn't really telling people yet. I wanted to keep this special secret private for a little longer, and it was a bit of an invasion of my privacy. Recently, I was talking to another acquaintance whom I hadn't seen in a year or two, and I mentioned something about the baby, and she interrupted to say, "Oh, yes, I should have known by the way you look", meaning she thought I was still pregnant. I just continued with my story as if I didn't really hear her or catch what she meant, and mentioned that the baby was home with my dh and kids. She looked a bit embarrassed, so I just kept on talking unfazed. In reality, I thought the dress I was wearing concealed my size, so it was a bit of a wake-up call, but I didn't want to make her feel bad. I also recall a time when my SIL was visiting us, it was spring, and we went out for a walk. My neighbor a few doors down, who is very, very chatty, stopped us and I made the introductions. At some point in our conversation she looked at SIL and said, "Oh, are you...?", and then almost immediately realized what she had done. SIL was great about it, and replied, "Oh no, I just eat too much!" The neighbor was mortified, started apologizing profusely, commenting on talking too much and putting her foot in her mouth, and I tried to gloss over it by joking that I had fed them too much during their visit, etc. Still, SIL has never been able to conceive and ended up adopting a couple of years later, so it certainly could have been a very sensitive issue. So yes, at least in America, in most cases it is safer to keep a bit of distance, leaving private things private, than to risk hurt or offense. Sorry, Nadia! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Ouch. Sometimes people don't think. I've been on the other side of the coin. Right after I had a hysterectomy, at 27 (yes, that young), I began doing art shows full time (great experience, by the way - the shows, not the hyst). My mother came to one of my shows with me, maybe 3 or 4 months post-hyst, and she was helping me in my booth. I made personalized ornaments, among other things, so I heard lots of proud grandmommies talking about their grand babies. One proud grand mommy was absolutely over the top - she asked me, "Have you done it yet?!" and at my confused look, she said, "Had babies, oooooh, you just have to!" I smiled, and just said I didn't have kids yet. Then this proud grandmommy realized my mom was helping me in the booth, corralled her, and kept going on and on about convincing me to have babies. Aaack! After many polite tries to get her to stop, I simply pulled her aside and said, "I can't have babies. I just had a hysterectomy in June." ...Her face was priceless. The horror. She paid for her ornaments and left in a hurry. And that was one customer I was happy to see go! So it goes both ways. Sometimes people just need to replace their filters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I think it's rude too. Your need to know does not trump being polite and patiently waiting until the person is ready to tell. If someone is too shy to tell people they are pregnant than they can deal with the consequences of not telling. ie: hurt feelings that no one says anything and it seems like no one cares. I would much rather wait until someone tells me they are pregnant then to ever assume and make the person feel bad about themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hahaha, Asmaa. It is true that it could seem like a boundary thing, with losses and all. I don't really ask people (if I *really* think they are pregnant) to satisfy my curiosity, but actually more so to make them feel happy and special since a few people I know have felt very shy about sharing (shy, not private like you). I don't go around and ask suspicious-looking Americans if they are pregnant, but more within my own sub-cultural enclave which is why I am thinking it is an American thing to want to not share. Which is of course fine in the end. A lot is cultural differences. Like where I come from we'd talk money and private matters, but here and in dh's culture it is a big no-no!! Oh, well. I definitely plan on being even more careful in the future as I would not want anyone to feel sad or upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissymama Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Hugs to the OP. I have been asked this question many times, when I'm not pregnant, and it always bothers me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dcjlkplus3 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 The worst case of this I ever had was the lady I knew from helping together with youth group, who DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, when she asked and I said I wasn't (several months after our 3rd and last was born). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I met a woman at ballet who looked totally pregnant. I was sure she was, but I did not mention it, due to my policy of never mentioning if not sure. She never said anything about being pregnant, and no baby ever appeared, so she was not. Later she was diagnosed with breast cancer and went through chemo and had a tough time. She lost weight, lost her hair, but she still looked pregnant. She is recovered now and I am so glad I never hurt her by asking if she was pregnant! I have been asked and it NEVER feels good. Do NOT ask if you don't already know, EVER! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 My husband did this to a waitress one time. I was sitting there with him and was horrified when I heard him start to mention something about her expecting. Turns out, she was NOT expecting. I told him he should NEVER mention something like that unless he was sure that the woman is expecting. A "pooch" never means that someone is pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaniceO Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I never ask anyone that question either. Because if it does hurt if they aren't. A year after my daughter was born, I went to Thailand to meet my husband. We were signing up for an Elephant ride and wanted to add the Oxcart package. The lady looked at me and said women in my condition shouldn't do the oxcart. I looked at my husband, confused. He pulled me to the side and said, "She thinks you're pregnant." I was mortified. I know I hadn't (still haven't) lost the weight after my pregnancy, but I didn't think it was that noticeable. I laughed it off and said I was just chubby, not pregnant, but it hurt. And we didn't add the oxcart because I was humiliated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I worked as a teller when dh and I first got married. I was in the drive- thru with my co- worker when someone decided that she could tell my friend was pregnant all the way from her car in the second lane because of "the lovely glow" my friend apparently had. The woman buzzed her and asked her about it. Not only was my friend horribly embarrassed, but she had to answer the lady rather loudly into the microphone so people around her could hear what was going on. I felt SO badly for her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrjoy Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 It's hurtful because it's people assuming that extra weight is for a special reason and without that special reason, it's distasteful, humiliating, and a punch in the gut, lol. I've had this happen to me several times. Once, this girl even ARGUED with me and said I was most certainly pregnant, when I said I was not, we went back and forth and finally a friend that was with me at the time said loudly and forcefully, SHE'S NOT!!! Ugh. Awful. I worry about what I wear all the time because I don't want to be asked for the hundredth time. Especially since I play piano, sing, up front at church. And, I'm at a decent weight just have this extra belly area that is stubborn. I look thin everywhere else. I am sensitive and for me, it does some damage. I have not gotten used to it. It definitely is something people should not ask! IMHO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Lava Mama Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I hope you are feeling better.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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