Nestof3 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) The woman has been married to a man who spent her saved $30,000 the first year they were married. Since then, he accumulated a lot of credit card debt, and the credit cards have her name on them. He used to come home from work, see the credit card bill (he was into buying small replica cars and such), hand her the bill and tell her to pay it. He has since retired on early social security. She still works. They still have one perhaps two mortgages and lots of credit card debt. If she wants to watch something downstairs different than what her husband wants to watch, he tells her he'll go in the computer room, and she knows what that means. He tells her she's too fat to find attractive (she looks nearly the same as when he married her -- they both married later in life than most, and this is his third marriage). He bought a fancy car with some inheritance money, and sold it a few months ago for $19,000. In seven months, he spent $18,000 on p**n. She is afraid she has no way to leave without making life worse for herself debt-wise. I am concerned that now that he is addicted and penniless, he will put her more into debt. Is it possible for her to have a happy ending. And seriously, this is not me I'm talking about. In fact, my dh told me that if I or my other relatives did not warn this woman to get legal counsel, he would. Thanks! PS -- I mean the debt is in both names, but he filed bankruptcy twice before meeting her. Edited September 12, 2011 by nestof3 clarified Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 What type of court? Divorce court? Bankruptcy? If the debt is in her name, she is liable for it as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Legal counsel will give her actual information and not guess work. But is she ready to hear it? Your husband is right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 What type of court? Divorce court? Bankruptcy? If the debt is in her name, she is liable for it as well. Divorce court. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 My opinion would be no, it wouldn't look good to me for any woman who has put up with all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 She'll be stuck with at least half the debt, would be my guess. Since its all in her name, she may be stuck with most, if not all...bankruptcy may be her only alternative. Def consult a lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Well, she could file for divorce and then once it was finalized file for bankruptcy to expunge the half of his debts that she will wind up responsible for (please note, I am very against bankruptcy as a general rule...personal responsibility and all...but unfortunately in this situation that would probably be her only way to get out of debts that she did not incur). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Even if the divorce court were to assign any or all of the debt to him, she is still liable. The creditors don't care what the divorce court says - they want their money. Divorce, then bankruptcy. She needs to freeze her credit ASAP, though, so he can't get anymore credit in her name while it works through the courts. If it were me, I would have him charged with fraud if he obtained debt in her name without her permission (such as forging her name.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Happier now with only this amount of debt / heartbreak vs. him continuing to dig them into a bigger and deeper black hole. The woman has been married to a man who spent her saved $30,000 the first year they were married. Since then, he accumulated a lot of credit card debt, and the credit cards have her name on them. He used to come home from work, see the credit card bill (he was into buying small replica cars and such), hand her the bill and tell her to pay it. He has since retired on early social security. She still works. They still have one perhaps two mortgages and lots of credit card debt. If she wants to watch something downstairs different than what her husband wants to watch, he tells her he'll go in the computer room, and she knows what that means. He tells her she's too fat to find attractive (she looks nearly the same as when he married her -- they both married later in life than most, and this is his third marriage). He bought a fancy car with some inheritance money, and sold it a few months ago for $19,000. In seven months, he spent $18,000 on p**n. She is afraid she has no way to leave without making life worse for herself debt-wise. I am concerned that now that he is addicted and penniless, he will put her more into debt. Is it possible for her to have a happy ending. And seriously, this is not me I'm talking about. In fact, my dh told me that if I or my other relatives did not warn this woman to get legal counsel, he would. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thessa516 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Even if the divorce court were to assign any or all of the debt to him, she is still liable. The creditors don't care what the divorce court says - they want their money. Divorce, then bankruptcy. She needs to freeze her credit ASAP, though, so he can't get anymore credit in her name while it works through the courts. If it were me, I would have him charged with fraud if he obtained debt in her name without her permission (such as forging her name.) :iagree: The creditors' contract is with the person who holds the account, not the person who spent the money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Her only chance at a happy ending is to get out of the situation and then start digging out of debt. The longer she stays, the deeper in the hole she will go. Clearly, he is not going to change. He's declared bankruptcy twice already... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Yes, I understand that the courts cannot ignore the fact that her name is on the debt. I can imagine lots of people using the "it wasn't my debt" thing to get out of paying. I guess in these sorts of situations, she would not be able to collect alimony? And if he chooses not to work, where would the alimony come from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Happier now with only this amount of debt / heartbreak vs. him continuing to dig them into a bigger and deeper black hole. That's my thought as well. She may not be able to get out from under the debt he has accrued (though she needs legal counsel -- yesterday), but she can stop the cycle from *continuing*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unscripted Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 That's my thought as well. She may not be able to get out from under the debt he has accrued (though she needs legal counsel -- yesterday), but she can stop the cycle from *continuing*. My thinking as well... Stop the bleeding. I do have to wonder why she married this real winner in the first place? Surely there were some red flags as to this behavior ($$$ and porn) when they were dating? Either way... Its a mistake- and she needs to file for the divorce asap- so that future sprees will not be her liability as she works through the process with her attorney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Honestly if the debt is in her name she signed something agreeing to take on the debt in the first place. She need not sign anything else, kick the bum out and get a lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 He is very smooth, and no, she did not know of this behavior. In fact, I don't believe he had the problem until more recently, but I know it got worse when he retired. He has nothing to do all day. His spending has always been a problem, but again, until you are married to someone, you don't see the person's finances. They have now been married about 15 years. My thinking as well... Stop the bleeding. I do have to wonder why she married this real winner in the first place? Surely there were some red flags as to this behavior ($$$ and porn) when they were dating? Either way... Its a mistake- and she needs to file for the divorce asap- so that future sprees will not be her liability as she works through the process with her attorney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 She absolutely needs to cut off access to further credit! That means removing her name from joint accounts and asking for a written statement noting the date that she stopped being able to make new charges herself. It means closing to new charges any account that is solely in her name. It means (after the above) requesting a regular credit check (available quarterly) to make sure he has not fraudulently opened new accounts with her information. She may even want to sign up for some kind of identity theft protection program (I think there's one called something like Lifelock?). And she definitely needs to seek legal counsel and some emotional support (be it from a professional counselor or sympathetic pastoral staff). I would consider the possibility of his becoming...belligerent...once she cuts him off financially. Hopefully he will just pull a cowardly slink-off like it's possible he's done twice before. What an awful situation. I hope she can get good counsel and find herself on sound feet again soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Yes, I understand that the courts cannot ignore the fact that her name is on the debt. I can imagine lots of people using the "it wasn't my debt" thing to get out of paying. I guess in these sorts of situations, she would not be able to collect alimony? And if he chooses not to work, where would the alimony come from? I am NOT a lawyer, but if she's supporting him she may have to pay HIM alimony. She needs a good lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 I am NOT a lawyer, but if she's supporting him she may have to pay HIM alimony. She needs a good lawyer. Weird! She's only supporting him because he's chosen to stop working since the law allows people to start drawing SS when they are still capable of working. The bum needs to go get a job. I am just so upset by this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Weird! She's only supporting him because he's chosen to stop working since the law allows people to start drawing SS when they are still capable of working. The bum needs to go get a job. I am just so upset by this. Most states would not award alimony to him unless he was caring for kids or she was extremely well paid with a degree he had helped her ear or he had been financially dependent on her for most of his life. She needs to get out ASAP and get a lawyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 She absolutely needs a good divorce attorney. And yes, she could be facing a situation where she would have to pay him spousal support, depending on their respective incomes. Maybe this is why she thinks it would be cheaper for her to stay married. Everything is going to depend on the quality of lawyer-- can you help her find a good one? Also, anyone spending that much on porn, and with such little regard for their spouse, very well may be having affairs. She should try to monitor all his computer activity/ correspondence. Proof of adultery might help her with a financial settlement especially if any of the debt went to spending on the possible other women. I also wouldn't be surprised if he is soliciting prostitutes. Nearly 20k in porn spending is hallmark of sex addiction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 If they've been married 15 years and he's collecting SS benefits, she is very likely entitled to benefits as well. It won't impact what he's getting now, either. Everything else will largely depend upon her state's laws regarding divorce. I'd recommend stopping the bleeding, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 She absolutely needs a good divorce attorney. And yes, she could be facing a situation where she would have to pay him spousal support, depending on their respective incomes. Maybe this is why she thinks it would be cheaper for her to stay married. Everything is going to depend on the quality of lawyer-- can you help her find a good one? Also, anyone spending that much on porn, and with such little regard for their spouse, very well may be having affairs. She should try to monitor all his computer activity/ correspondence. Proof of adultery might help her with a financial settlement especially if any of the debt went to spending on the possible other women. I also wouldn't be surprised if he is soliciting prostitutes. Nearly 20k in porn spending is hallmark of sex addiction. Very interesting.... So, before she even lets on that she's taking steps to get out of this situation, maybe she should invest in a little surveillance first? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Any debt occurred while married would be split between them. So she will be on the hook for half of it, at least on paper. But staying with him means she is paying all of it, AND he will keep racking up MORE debt. If she separates legally from him she can at least stop the debt where it is. And she needs to cancel the credit cards NOW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Is it possible for her to have a happy ending. Of course it is…although if she ties money to happiness, it might not seem like it. She could pack up and leave the guy - that right there would prolly make her happier, if he's as much of an arse as it sounds. Then, she could see about all the money stuff - yeah she might have debts, yeah it might be messy, but none of that is the end of the world and you can't base your happiness on financial stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 It will completely depend on the laws of her state. She may be entitled to a small percentage of his social security after that length of time. She is probably going to have to file personal bankruptcy to restart her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 What he's doing is mental cruelty and in my state, it's a grounds for divorce. It doesn't get you anything more than filing under any other grounds, but it is a legit legal ground. Really, she needs to see an attorney ASAP. In my situation, I was not held liable for EX's debts and I did get alimony. However, every state is different and not all states have a set precedence for it. So, she could be awarded it but never see it if he's not working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 If someone I cared about was sitting across from me telling me this was their situation, you bet we'd be gone in a flash getting things done. The very first thing I'd do is change the mail in her name to a PO box. The second thing I'd do is get all the paperwork out of the house and somewhere secure. The third thing is I'd contact every creditor and freeze everything..there is a small period of time that she'd be vulnerable to new accounts opened in her name; she needs to contact all 3 credit bureaus and freeze her social security number and files. She very well may have a ton of secret debt open in her name she doesn't even know about. A credit report is needed to know that, she can order one herself and have it within minutes. I'd shut off the phone, cable and any services also in my name and just get out. When this woman goes to make moves to leave, his real monster is going to show up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Thank you for all the tips so far. I will type them up and give them to the relative handling the conversation with her as I am not the one talking to her. I convinced the closest relatives to handle it; one of them was the first apprised of the recent info anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Thank you for all the tips so far. I will type them up and give them to the relative handling the conversation with her as I am not the one talking to her. I convinced the closest relatives to handle it; one of them was the first apprised of the recent info anyway. Dawn, you are a true friend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Hmm. Three marriages, two bankruptcies. He must have a really great personality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linguistmama Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) . Edited September 13, 2011 by linguistmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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