Jaz Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I agree with it's rude and unacceptable. We opened presents with my family after our honeymoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I'd be furious. Me, too. What a boundary-crosser! My mom did want us to open all the envelopes/cards so that we could cash the checks--but she took all the checks and I think put them in her account, and then gave us a check from it. I've never understood that one, either--didn't bother me at the time, but it sure would now. She just wanted to know what we got. :glare: She said it was so that no checks got lost, but come on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Is it bad that I don't remember any wedding presents after the wedding? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Oh wow! Our parents were from way out of town. They had taken the presents and put them in our apartment and we enjoyed opening them together when we got back from our honeymoon. I think what your mom did was weird. Going back to read if other moms have done this too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 :lol: Not that I know of, but you have a point! She did make sure to tell me which things she wanted though....:confused: I still can't believe NO ONE thinks this is normal????? Not one dissenter in the bunch? Wow, and I've never started such a hot thread before :lol:! Did you get cash? I'm really wondering if pilfering wasn't part of her motivation. She could justify it to herself because she paid for the wedding and you "owed" her. :tongue_smilie: Did you give her the things she wanted? This just gets weirder and weirder. I wonder if you asked her what it was like for her when she got married what she would say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 No. Such a thing would never ever occur to my mother. Every time I see a thread about a mother or MIL like this, I think how lucky I am to have such a great mother and MIL. I cannot believe people do this stuff and justify themselves. It's revolting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Did you get cash? I'm really wondering if pilfering wasn't part of her motivation. She could justify it to herself because she paid for the wedding and you "owed" her. :tongue_smilie: Did you give her the things she wanted? This just gets weirder and weirder. I wonder if you asked her what it was like for her when she got married what she would say. I really think it's about control and not pilfering. I honestly wish it were just pilfering. I am not a real person in her eyes, just an extension of her, and therefore my presents are her presents. Really and truly, it is very twisted but it explains everything in my life. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing some tradition on this issue! And clearly I am not, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Nope - we opened our own gifts after the honeymoon, all by ourselves. In fact we didn't open them for a week afterwards because our place was small and I figured they were nicely neat and compact piled up on our dining room table. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RahRah Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Our bridal and groom party took the gifts to our suite for us before the end of the reception, so they were in our room.....we opened them, alone, just the two of us! I can't imagine my mother ever even thinking of taking it upon herself, let alone inviting others, to open our wedding gifts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I would so hurt and angry. No, I would be absolutely furious. I can't imagine opening someone else's presents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunD Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 My MIL did expect to open her daughter's gifts after that wedding, but from what you write about your mom (seeing you as an extension of herself and all), that's applicable in their situation too. MIL was poor, paid for a lot of the wedding anyway, did a whole lot of work decorating (to HER taste), etc. I'm sure she felt entitled to at least see what the "reward" was. I know she also did a lot of their registry and changed the wording on the invitations. To prevent it SIL locked everything in her car, which MIL didn't have a key to! She thought everything was in the house and let herself in to pick through it, and got upset when she realized it was all in the locked car instead. They didn't have time to open things before leaving. We eloped. Drove her NUTS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I would so hurt and angry. No, I would be absolutely furious. I can't imagine opening someone else's presents. :iagree: Honey- In case there are things that cross the boundary lines even today- get yourself to the library and look for the Boundaries book/s. It really helped me know where I could draw the line.... http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Workbook-When-Take-Control/dp/0310494818/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1313106248&sr=8-3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 :iagree: Honey- In case there are things that cross the boundary lines even today- get yourself to the library and look for the Boundaries book/s. It really helped me know where I could draw the line.... http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Workbook-When-Take-Control/dp/0310494818/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1313106248&sr=8-3 That is what my friend told me a couple of months ago, and it's exactly what I did! I had no idea, I thought I was wrong for not wanting to always give in to her, and that when I said "no" I was causing the problem! I know other people don't have this problem, but this book was AMAZING for someone like me. Thanks so much for suggesting it. The more recent revelation was that this has been going on a LONG time. Which is why I finally asked the question about wedding presents, one that has kept me perplexed for years, but I never quite dared ask anybody about! And it's so cut and dry, I see that now. I never dreamed that there would be such a huge concensus on this! Usually a big "discussion" is started so....Wow ;) ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 My mom open mine and rewrapped them. I wasn't happy. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I am not a real person in her eyes, just an extension of her, and therefore my presents are her presents. Really and truly, it is very twisted but it explains everything in my life. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing some tradition on this issue! And clearly I am not, lol! This is how my mother is. I've used exactly the same words to describe this. She also controlled our wedding--who was invited, what dress I wore. Fortunately it WAS a very small church wedding, maybe about 20 people, but most of them were HER friends. It is possible to break free. :grouphug: You will feel so, SO much better. Don't let other people make you feel guilty or blame you. You deserve better than this. Those who have no experience of growing up with such a controlling person can't truly comprehend. They might think you are a callous, ungrateful daughter if you try to detach yourself from this toxic relationship. You need to remember that those who will try to guilt you, well, they simply can't even imagine your situation. They can't imagine it, because they've never encounterd such levels of control and manipulation. They don't believe it is possible. It is like an alternate reality for them. When you start doubting yourself, when you start feeling guilty, think back to this tread. No one here thinks that what your mother did was okay. Read back how strong people's reactions are. Shock, dismay, disbelief, outrage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 This is how my mother is. I've used exactly the same words to describe this. She also controlled our wedding--who was invited, what dress I wore. Fortunately it WAS a very small church wedding, maybe about 20 people, but most of them were HER friends. It is possible to break free. :grouphug: You will feel so, SO much better. Don't let other people make you feel guilty or blame you. You deserve better than this. Those who have no experience of growing up with such a controlling person can't truly comprehend. They might think you are a callous, ungrateful daughter if you try to detach yourself from this toxic relationship. You need to remember that those who will try to guilt you, well, they simply can't even imagine your situation. They can't imagine it, because they've never encounterd such levels of control and manipulation. They don't believe it is possible. It is like an alternate reality for them. When you start doubting yourself, when you start feeling guilty, think back to this tread. No one here thinks that what your mother did was okay. Read back how strong people's reactions are. Shock, dismay, disbelief, outrage. :iagree: That's exactly what I am going to do! I told DH I am going to PRINT OUT this thread because this has been one of those lightbulb moments I really need to remember. And you are dead on, people who haven't been controlled in this way don't always understand it. I don't want to hold this incident against my mother(and there are countless others), but it's a pattern of behavior I need to see clearly. Just seeing it for what it is, helps a whole lot. I am currently working to break the cycle and be free, and things like this thread really help the process ;)! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HLDoll Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 That would shock me and I'd be horribly upset. I've never even heard of such a thing. We had a pretty early wedding and close friends and family came back to my parents' house after the reception for an after-party. We did open many gifts there, but I certainly didn't read aloud all the cards for everyone to hear. But to have family gather and open your gifts and read your mail while you're gone -- that's a huge boundary issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 This is how my mother is. I've used exactly the same words to describe this. She also controlled our wedding--who was invited, what dress I wore. Fortunately it WAS a very small church wedding, maybe about 20 people, but most of them were HER friends. It is possible to break free. :grouphug: You will feel so, SO much better. Don't let other people make you feel guilty or blame you. You deserve better than this. Those who have no experience of growing up with such a controlling person can't truly comprehend. They might think you are a callous, ungrateful daughter if you try to detach yourself from this toxic relationship. You need to remember that those who will try to guilt you, well, they simply can't even imagine your situation. They can't imagine it, because they've never encounterd such levels of control and manipulation. They don't believe it is possible. It is like an alternate reality for them. When you start doubting yourself, when you start feeling guilty, think back to this tread. No one here thinks that what your mother did was okay. Read back how strong people's reactions are. Shock, dismay, disbelief, outrage. Excellent post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 This is so bizarre. Who does that?? Not only did your mom do it, but all the others that helped did it too. THEY were ALL wrong. At the very least if someone didn't agree with it they could have left or spoke up or something. :confused::confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 This is so bizarre. Who does that?? Not only did your mom do it, but all the others that helped did it too. THEY were ALL wrong. At the very least if someone didn't agree with it they could have left or spoke up or something. :confused::confused: I think the sisters were teens. Poor misguided girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Wow. that was horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 :lol: Not that I know of, but you have a point! She did make sure to tell me which things she wanted though....:confused: I still can't believe NO ONE thinks this is normal????? Not one dissenter in the bunch? Wow, and I've never started such a hot thread before :lol:! There are NO words. That is just unconscionable. That would infuriate me to NO end and there'd be hell to pay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I really think it's about control and not pilfering. I honestly wish it were just pilfering. I am not a real person in her eyes, just an extension of her, and therefore my presents are her presents. Really and truly, it is very twisted but it explains everything in my life. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't missing some tradition on this issue! And clearly I am not, lol! :grouphug: Oh my, I'm very sorry. I'm glad you're getting some answers here and starting to put it all together. Knowledge is power! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Have your sister gotten married? Did she do this to them as well? Just curious.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 It is not normal, or a tradition, at all. I'm sorry this was done to you and your DH. I understand having that type of mother. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I do feel very powerful right now, it's a good feeling. And that's exactly why she invited everyone to open the presents, it makes her look innocent, and me look wrong. And like I said, my sisters were too young and my MIL (I would hope, although who knows I never asked her) thought I had asked my mother to do it. I realize now my mother knew I would be upset, but what could I do in that situation? Everything was opened, everyone participated. And I can't tell you how many events like this she has orchestrated. If she wants something she will show up at my house with other people in tow to ambush me. They are the dupes who have no idea what is going on. Both my sisters are married. One sister, no one went to the wedding-long story. The other one was completely engulfed worse than me. Still lives with my mother and her DH, doesn't work, plays video games all day, not rent, does not clean her living area etc. My mother always complains about them and it took me this long to figure out that my mother LOVES having an adult child at home to control. Like I said, if I had just realized 15 years ago my mother was messed up, it would have saved me a lot of grief. But, learning to trust yourself is certainly a process. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sahm99 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Well, it could be worse: My MIL actually had all presents delivered to HER place, unpacked them (while we were gone) and handed me a list with the names of the generous givers. I was then literally confined for two weeks, while writing thank-you notes... But then, again, it was her who had "taken care" of the registry in the first place:001_huh:! I kid you not...20th century and all... ...don't get me started about how I feel about this today...:crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 But then, again, it was her who had "taken care" of the registry in the first place:001_huh:! My mom wanted to "take care of" our registry....including picking out everything we would be registered for...by herself. From several states away. At a store we do not even have where we live. :blink: And this was before the internet was wide spread and useful, so I would not have had any way to approve what she picked out. I think she was really surprised and put off when I said no thank you, we will choose our own things and set up the registry ourselves at a nationwide store that everyone has access to. As if I was being unreasonable...:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would have been soooo upset and bummed if anyone had opened my gifts. That is part of the pleasure of the gift, not just the item, but the fun of opening it! We truly are still kids at Christmas in our hearts. It would have hurt me for someone, especially my Mom, to have taken that joy from me. Not to mention the disrespect and invasion of privacy to my wonderful and generous friends! Yikes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) This is part of a healing process for me, recognizing and accepting that there are huge issues in this relationship. I had this idea that things got bad in the relationship very suddenly, but the deeper I dig, the more I realize that I have been turning a blind eye to things my whole life. It's very bizarre how suddenly one day you can start to see something that was always there. When I expressed my disappointment over this particular incident at the time, I was told that I was overly sensitive, selfish for not wanting to "share" my presents(which was not the issue AT ALL), and that it was a normal tradition for the mother of the bride to open all the presents while the bride was on her honeymoon. Which would have been somewhat less of an issue than EVERYONE opening everything and making sure to tell everyone about the private stuff. So, I backed right off like I always do, and thought that I was selfish and overly sensitive....and I endured the teasing for years afterwards. This wasn't an isolated incident. If this was just one mistake that someone made, it would be one thing. But unfortunately this is a pattern of behavior I am just starting to see. This has been very helpful to me! Hundreds of dollars of therapy saved right here!!!! Gosh....I have no words. Wait...yes I DO! Possibly there is some such tradition in some little country on the other side of the world (but probably not). That was a total lie when she told you that. I am so sorry. Why in the world wouldn't they wait for you to be a part of the present opening? It's unbelievable! What a shame that you felt you were in the wrong for having justified feelings about it. You weren't wrong. And teasing you for years about it?? Sheesh.....that's like adding salt to the wound. I bet you were young when you got married. I had just turned 18 and I'm sure I was very naive too. But, my mother would never have dreamed of doing such a thing. When I read your opening post, I was literally SHOCKED!! Here were my feelings: :confused1: :blink: :eek: :sneaky2: :cursing: . I have never, ever, ever heard of such a thing. It was completely out of line! I am trying to think back to where/when we opened our wedding gifts. It was almost 26 years ago. I *think* we opened them up at our reception....because back then, with our church, everyone enjoyed watching the gifts being opened, by.the.bride.and.groom that is. We didn't announce who gave each gift (which is something odd that I have encountered over the years. In my dh's family....at all weddings, besides ours, or graduations or whatever....they will open the card and announce who gave the gift. I think that is bizarre too. I don't like that. Sometimes people can't afford much and it can make them feel bad). Hmmmmm....maybe in another 10 years you'll be like me and won't be able to completely remembered what happend with your wedding gifts. :001_smile: wow. "out of line" doesn't even *begin* to cover your mother's actions. the rest of your family was also out-of-line for even going and supporting her. any cash or checks go missing? but then, how would you know? That's what I was wondering..... :glare: I would have been soooo upset and bummed if anyone had opened my gifts. That is part of the pleasure of the gift, not just the item, but the fun of opening it! We truly are still kids at Christmas in our hearts. It would have hurt me for someone, especially my Mom, to have taken that joy from me. Not to mention the disrespect and invasion of privacy to my wonderful and generous friends! Yikes! :iagree: Edited August 13, 2011 by ~AprilMay~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 We opened our presents at my mom's house two days after our wedding (no honeymoon). I would have been upset if she had opened them without us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josie Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I would NOT have been happy had that happened to us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Josie Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 This is part of a healing process for me, recognizing and accepting that there are huge issues in this relationship. I had this idea that things got bad in the relationship very suddenly, but the deeper I dig, the more I realize that I have been turning a blind eye to things my whole life. It's very bizarre how suddenly one day you can start to see something that was always there. When I expressed my disappointment over this particular incident at the time, I was told that I was overly sensitive, selfish for not wanting to "share" my presents(which was not the issue AT ALL), and that it was a normal tradition for the mother of the bride to open all the presents while the bride was on her honeymoon. Which would have been somewhat less of an issue than EVERYONE opening everything and making sure to tell everyone about the private stuff. So, I backed right off like I always do, and thought that I was selfish and overly sensitive....and I endured the teasing for years afterwards. This wasn't an isolated incident. If this was just one mistake that someone made, it would be one thing. But unfortunately this is a pattern of behavior I am just starting to see. This has been very helpful to me! Hundreds of dollars of therapy saved right here :lol:!!! Bless your heart.... You are not the one who was insensitive here. Glad you are seeing things for what they are and hoping you can move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 we opened them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 My MIL and FIL opened ours while we were on our honeymoon. If the gift was cash or a check, they wrote the amount in pencil on the back of the card. They then put all the checks together, cash together and added everything up. So helpful! :glare: If someone that MIL or FIL didn't know gave us a generous gift, they put that card on top and quizzed me about my relationship w/that person and what the person did for a living. I love to see piles of wrapped presents. It seems so lovely and festive. I'll never forget walking into their dining room and seeing all our unwrapped presents piled on a bench. It was a shock to say the least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 My MIL and FIL opened ours while we were on our honeymoon. If the gift was cash or a check, they wrote the amount in pencil on the back of the card. They then put all the checks together, cash together and added everything up. So helpful! :glare: If someone that MIL or FIL didn't know gave us a generous gift, they put that card on top and quizzed me about my relationship w/that person and what the person did for a living. I love to see piles of wrapped presents. It seems so lovely and festive. I'll never forget walking into their dining room and seeing all our unwrapped presents piled on a bench. It was a shock to say the least. :glare: Grrrr! I'm sure this was a great start to your relationship with your in-laws! (sarcasm intended!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I know other people don't have this problem, ! :grouphug:actually, I'm sure I'm not the only other one with ueber controlling and manipulative females who take credit for everything positive and blame you for everything negative ('cause obviously you didn't listen to them). My grandmother was the same way. I've tried telling my brother this - but he won't see it. yeah, and it's not a coincidence why he married and divorced/divorcing two women just like her. (and the current divorce is being SUPER ugly.) uh huh. my mother could never stand up to her, and I was ostracized for not caring what she thought. drove her nuts though. dh would be ueber polite, and that actually made her even madder. :lol: ding-dong the witch is dead, the wicked witch, the wicked witch. ding dong the wicked witch is dead . . . . I let go of enough emotional baggage I did not have a grave dance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 simply can't even imagine your situation. They can't imagine it, because they've never encounterd such levels of control and manipulation. They don't believe it is possible. It is like an alternate reality for them. . or a really bad soapy made-for-tv movie on some "women are victims" channel that have no bearing in reality . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Like I said, if I had just realized 15 years ago my mother was messed up, it would have saved me a lot of grief. But, learning to trust yourself is certainly a process. be kind to yourself. You were reared from your infancy to believe your mother was wonderful and caring . you didn't know any different. You thought it was normal. whenever doubts creeped in, they were shouted down - by your mother - and twisted to make you feel the ungrateful wretch. It is VERY sick and twisted, and is a process of both getting rid of the garbage, but then you have to rebuild with something healthy when you don't know what that is. Although I intellectually understood what was happening, like pavlov's dog, I had been trained and had a hard time going against it. I had many panic attacks. but it can be done. also know, these manipulative and controling women are VERY afraid, they are weak cowards and that's why they treat their own daughter's and granddaughter's this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 be kind to yourself. You were reared from your infancy to believe your mother was wonderful and caring . you didn't know any different. You thought it was normal. whenever doubts creeped in, they were shouted down - by your mother - and twisted to make you feel the ungrateful wretch. It is VERY sick and twisted, and is a process of both getting rid of the garbage, but then you have to rebuild with something healthy when you don't know what that is. Although I intellectually understood what was happening, like pavlov's dog, I had been trained and had a hard time going against it. I had many panic attacks. but it can be done. also know, these manipulative and controling women are VERY afraid, they are weak cowards and that's why they treat their own daughter's and granddaughter's this way. You should have seen my jaw drop on this one....I just talked with someone about this being just like Pavlov's dog!!!! You feel silly at first for FINALLY seeing it(like, why was I an idiot for so long?), then you feel even sillier that you can't suddenly snap your fingers and undo decades of "training". Thanks so much to everyone who responded, truly. I knew you guys would give me honest answers, I guess I just truly didn't expect to be so overwhelmingly in the right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 You should have seen my jaw drop on this one....I just talked with someone about this being just like Pavlov's dog!!!! You feel silly at first for FINALLY seeing it(like, why was I an idiot for so long?), then you feel even sillier that you can't suddenly snap your fingers and undo decades of "training". Thanks so much to everyone who responded, truly. I knew you guys would give me honest answers, I guess I just truly didn't expect to be so overwhelmingly in the right. That's gotta feel good. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DusksAngel Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 You should have seen my jaw drop on this one....I just talked with someone about this being just like Pavlov's dog!!!! You feel silly at first for FINALLY seeing it(like, why was I an idiot for so long?), then you feel even sillier that you can't suddenly snap your fingers and undo decades of "training". Thanks so much to everyone who responded, truly. I knew you guys would give me honest answers, I guess I just truly didn't expect to be so overwhelmingly in the right. I had a friend give me something that helped me with this. To paraphrase: I walked down a street, fell in a hole, ranted and raved and finally got out. I walked down a street, fell in the hole, ranted and raved, but got out a little faster. I walked down a street, fell in the hole, knew the way out and got out quickly. I walked down a street, avoided the hole. I walked down another street. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 I had a friend give me something that helped me with this. To paraphrase: I walked down a street, fell in a hole, ranted and raved and finally got out. I walked down a street, fell in the hole, ranted and raved, but got out a little faster. I walked down a street, fell in the hole, knew the way out and got out quickly. I walked down a street, avoided the hole. I walked down another street. That is priceless, I love it! And I love how it takes a few tries to go down another street...;)!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Jo Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 My step-mother and my step-sisters opened my gifts while my dh and I were away the first night. It bothered me...but truly I was so ready to LEAVE there that I didn't make a fuss about it. We left the next day for our home 3 states away and I have never looked back. I still have a relationship with my father and step-mother - rocky at times - but I have learned over the years to set boundaries - especially when I had children. The best decision I ever made was marrying my dh and moving away. I think it saved my life. We've been married for 27+ years!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 We opened ours at a brunch the day after the wedding. We had both our families and a couple of other guests who came for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcarolinamom Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 My dh and I opened the cards on our honeymoon. My parents housed all of our wedding gifts while we were on our wedding trip, and we opened them after our return. If my parents had opened all of our gifts while we were away on our honeymoon, I would have asked the gift-openers to write and address my thank you cards too! I'd be MAD. Really MAD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 We opened them as they arrived, most came before the wedding and a bunch after. Your mother was way over the line. That is insane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 I've never ever heard of anyone doing that. I agree with the pp who said something about boundary lines... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 after that long day in a stupid dress I would have killed someone if they touched those gifts. ;) :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 I can tell you it never would have occurred to me in a million years to open one. Who does that? And why would you tell someone which of their gifts you want? You are a very patient woman. I agree: you are patient. And amazingly calm. Kudos! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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