Blamed for your kids special needs because of coddling?

[Lovedtodeath]

How often are you or others blamed for your kids special needs? Have you heard people say that an autistic child, child with SPD or child with anxiety has been coddled too much? Grrrrr

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug:

[sbgrace]

I'm sorry. It's frustrating--beyond it--I know.

 

I have a friend who makes comments that imply I over-protect my autism spectrum, immune deficient, metabolic condition, and generally unaware of what is going on around him child, yes. It irks me to no end when people who have neurologically and/or medically typical children somehow think they/their parenting/their choices in utero/etc. are responsible.

[pdalley]

Had another mother whose son was in a social group with my autistic son point blank ask me why we had two other kids since the oldest had autism.

 

Well, first of all the youngest was newly born when the oldest was diagnosed. Second of all we are Aspies and we make Aspies. And thirdly, just who needs the social skills training here anyway? :glare:

 

For the first time I was able to look at someone and say, 'I cannot believe you just asked me that question.' She still didn't get how rude and insensitive it was.

 

And yes, I get the coddling thing all the time. Middle started playing tournament golf this summer and one of us goes with him. Next year we probably won't as he will know what to expect and what he needs to do and will have a routine down pat.

 

Our local 'support' group is another example. I got backed into a corner (literally) by some woman who demanded to know why I didn't have my kids on all these supplements, why I didn't see a DAN DR, why we weren't considering chelation, etc. She was livid when I told her that in our case it was genetic and my kids are fully vaxed and showed signs from birth.

 

I don't have a problem with whatever therapies a parents chooses for their child but I resent the heck out of people telling me I'm a lousy parent because I don't follow their path.

[Sushi's Mom]

Yep. According to others, my daughter has anxiety because of how I raise her. Not what my husband does, just me.

 

And they say she doesn't have ADHD. That's just me putting that on her. If I let her go to school, she would be normal.

 

I always thought this was genetics, but what do I know. I'm just the mom that is messing her up. Yep, I must be the one that makes her sing all day, non-stop, and even louder when she is in the bathroom. I must be the one that makes her think aliens are coming to get her and the sun is going to go super nova and kill us all, or an asteroid will hit the earth. Or there will be a tsunami where we live, even though we live 200 miles from the nearest ocean. Oh yes, I truly must be a sick person that enjoys seeing my child live in constant fear and miss out on the fun of life, and getting teased by others.

 

 

Poor thing. Yesterday she came home from camp crying because a girl told her she is weird. Then she insisted the rest of the day that she reply is weird and doesn't want to be that way, but she can't help it. the day before a friend of mine told me that I was weird. Hmm.:001_huh:

[PrincessAriel]

I hear from my sister that my children are the way they are (one with aspergers, one with NVLD, and one with strong "high functioning autism features" along with anxiety) because I homeschool them. If only they were in school and were around other kids "they would be just fine". Ugh.....:glare:

[Dobela]

I have had that some. Ds wouldn't have had the reading problems if I had just taught him better in the beginning. You know, better teaching in the beginning doesn't allow a learning disability to develop. :glare:

 

My brother has autism/aspergers and is nearly 40. My mom heard it all when he was little and having problems. She is still struggling with some of the things people would say to her about him. Naturally it is all the moms fault...

[5knights3maidens]

Not so much but I think it really "irks" someone that is a close relative by marriage. I get the feeling that they don't believe that dd (adhd/pdd ASD) is affected by the foods that she eats and that it can bring on anger, etc. When something was brought up about kids and dairy they didn't want to hear it; they think it is a discipline issue. Well I say, she can take my dd and feed her what ever she wants and keep her for 24 hours, or should I say 1 hour or less. She would be begging me to take her back.

[specialmama]

My boy has severe (classic) autism and my MIL has claimed it's because I put him in an infant swing. :glare: I've also been told by several fellow Christians that I simply didn't have enough faith. :glare: That last one is terribly crushing and so disgustingly arrogant and hurtful I can't even wrap my head around it.

[sbgrace]

My boy has severe (classic) autism and my MIL has claimed it's because I put him in an infant swing. :glare: I've also been told by several fellow Christians that I simply didn't have enough faith. :glare: That last one is terribly crushing and so disgustingly arrogant and hurtful I can't even wrap my head around it.

 

Wow. :grouphug: I'm sorry you have to deal with people who would say something so shockingly horrible. :grouphug:

[Guest momk2000]

My boy has severe (classic) autism and my MIL has claimed it's because I put him in an infant swing. :glare: I've also been told by several fellow Christians that I simply didn't have enough faith. :glare: That last one is terribly crushing and so disgustingly arrogant and hurtful I can't even wrap my head around it.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry, people just need to learn to keep their ignorant remarks to themselves. :glare:

[Crimson Wife]

Because my oldest was an early talker and my two younger ones have/had speech & language delay, I've been accused of the delay being the result of not spending enough time with them because I'm too busy with oldest DD. If anything, I've spent much *MORE* time with #2 and #3 on language-related activities than I ever did with #1 as a toddler/preschooler.

 

The super-frustrating thing is that the criticism is coming from DH's family while they're the ones with a family history of late talking. No one in my family was a late talker and quite a few were early talkers like oldest DD. But FIL's uncle didn't say anything until he was 4, when he started talking in complete sentences.

[prairiewindmomma]

Yup. Sometimes I try to kindly educate, sometimes I ignore, and if I'm feeling a bit spunky I point out their false logic in such a kind but firm tone that they drop it forever (and may apologize). If it happens in front of my kids, you bet I stand up for them.

 

There are ignorant people in the world, and then there are stupid ones.

[rafiki]

.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

After ds's visit with the children's hospital, I told my father that he's not autistic. His response was "oh, so you're figuring out that he's just a normal kid?". He said that I'm really going to screw up my kids by pulling them from school, but at the same times agrees that DS shouldn't be in a "typical" environment! But don't do it to dd, that's just wrong!

 

I had a neurologist say in a report that ds responded positively to her firm command of telling him to sit down. She fails to mention that 2 minutes later he mooned her and stuck his tongue out at her! After watching him get away from me, and come close to hurting a few people while running, she also tried to say that his stroller was abusive. Excuse me for trying to protect the public from my son.

 

Recent psychologist said both kids were fine and I just had to be consistent with them. Behavior therapist wanted me to put ds in time out, ignore his hug after time out (which means "I'm sorry"), and skip bedtime stories every time he misbehaves. Her plan would have him in time out all day, no hugs, and no bedtime stories! When am I supposed to spend time with him?

[DaffodilDreams]

You must have taken a peek into my life. I've lost two friendships this year partly over just that very thing.

[Embassy]

:grouphug: Yes. I've been there too. It stinks. :grouphug::grouphug: I think some people just need to walk a mile in my shoes. At least the comments have been decreasing as my children get older.

[itsheresomewhere]

You must have taken a peek into my life. I've lost two friendships this year partly over just that very thing.

 

We must have had the same friends. Try getting gang up by several parents who tell you that other children with dyslexia don't behave this way. That's right- autism and dyslexia are the same thing.:glare:

[merry gardens]

:grouphug:

 

Wow. :grouphug: I'm sorry you have to deal with people who would say something so shockingly horrible. :grouphug:

 

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry, people just need to learn to keep their ignorant remarks to themselves...

 

:grouphug: Yes. I've been there too. It stinks. :grouphug::grouphug: I think some people just need to walk a mile in my shoes. At least the comments have been decreasing as my children get older.

Would it too much coddling if I added another (((hug))) ?

[cathmom]

I was telling an old friend this week about my boys' speech problems. As an example I told her that they have trouble with pronouns: "Him's coming." She asked me if I correct them by replying, "Oh, he's coming, huh?" or something like that. Yes, I do. Of course I do! Their speech therapist does, repeatedly. THAT'S NOT THE ISSUE! The issue is that they have a speech problem!

 

I know she was just trying to understand and she didn't mean anything by it, but it hurt. It's far beyond most people's understanding that I have 2 nearly 6 year olds who can't speak correctly.

[Lovedtodeath]

Yes, I do. Of course I do!

:grouphug: YES! Like I have never tried consistency. DUH!

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Ds was just diagnosed this past late winter early spring and I have already been told by people that he has HFA, SPD and SID because we homeschool :glare:

 

 

Yup, I was livid- problem is this was told to us by people 4 separate times. The people do not even know each other (well maybe 2 of them do by association not actually know each other though)

 

 

I guess we need a new warning

 

WARNING:

 

HOMESCHOOLING CAUSES SENSORY PROCESSING DISORDER, SENSORY INTEGRATION DYSFUNCTION AND AUTISM. PROCEED AT YOUR CHILDS OWN RISK

 

 

:cursing:

[Lovedtodeath]

Do they stop to think that we kept our special kids home or pulled them out because they were already showing signs of these things?

[littleWMN]

My dd5 has mild MR and is highly ADHD.

 

The other day I ran into a lady I know and she introduced herself to my dd and stuck out her hand to shake dd's. Dd was having a very bad day - just an off one. She jerked her head around to the side and defiantly said Mmm! and put her arms around to the back to avoid shaking hands. Well, I never know in these situations whether to explain or not. So I said I was sorry but she had some special needs. Then I dealt with my daughter by reminding her of her manners. She sat in my lap for a few minutes and we were discussing ADHD bc of where we were (a place that deals with ADHD). I told her dd has ADHD. She said, "Well, she doesn't LOOK like she has ADHD and nodded towards me in indication that dd was sitting relatively still in my lap. To which I replied that is because she is on concerta, supplements, and is gluten free but also because it was about to rain outside and to her rain=storms, which she is terrified of. So she sits in my lap out of fear when it rains. Then she tried to look dd in the face and said, "you shouldn't be afraid if storms.". At this point, she was called back and I was relieved.

Edited July 15, 2011 by littleWMN

[cathmom]

:grouphug: YES! Like I have never tried consistency. DUH!

 

Exactamundo!

[mchel210]

OMGoodness...I was going to post this yesterday! I was being "coached" by a friend on my aspie but she has no idea. I should be more strict or be more forceful! oh well. I had a few tears then realized they have no idea! :grouphug:

[Hwin]

My boy has severe (classic) autism and my MIL has claimed it's because I put him in an infant swing. :glare: I've also been told by several fellow Christians that I simply didn't have enough faith. :glare: That last one is terribly crushing and so disgustingly arrogant and hurtful I can't even wrap my head around it.

 

I have been told I should pray it away and never say the word Autism. :grouphug: I think the look on my face and twitching eye was all I had for a response.

 

I have often wondered if kids with more visible disabilities are told to pray it away? (physical disability, Down Syndrome etc.)

[Finnella]

We can't even discuss my son's diagnosis with either side of the family. My father would think it's imaginary, just like my fibromyalgia. My MIL would think we need to pray harder.

 

When we pulled our DS out of sixth grade due to bullying issues and discovered vast holes in his learning, my husband's best friend asked if our DS was "playing us" with his tales of woe in school. (I guess this also means our DS threw up daily on purpose for several months.) This person has no children of his own yet is somehow an expert on child rearing. He's passionately anti-homeschooling and is positive that our decision to HS will only make things worse.

 

And finally, my DH used to not believe in ADD (despite his having it as well as our son). We didn't coddle. Before we finally took our son in for an evaluation, that poor kid was convinced he was never watching TV again. Amazingly, we did not punish the ADD, Aspergers, or LDs out of him. And thank goodness we stopped trying!

[Dandelion]

How often are you or others blamed for your kids special needs? Have you heard people say that an autistic child, child with SPD or child with anxiety has been coddled too much? Grrrrr

 

This hasn't happened to me in the past few years, but I still vividly remember DS's music program teacher (when he was 3) saying "If you would just leave him with me for a week, I'd have him all straightened out for you". :glare: Implying that we were incompetent parents and that he would overcome whatever ailed him under her expert guidance (he has Asperger's - was not yet diagnosed at the time). We finished out our classes and never went back.

 

This person has no children of his own yet is somehow an expert on child rearing.

 

I've encountered this more often - people like that make me livid. I just smile and change the topic...

[elise1mds]

Yes, I've gotten it, too. It's painful, especially since I've spent ages and ages blaming myself anyway.

[cathmom]

 

I've encountered this more often - people like that make me livid. I just smile and change the topic...

 

I have a sister (who has no children) who was going to write a book on raising children...

 

:lol:

[mas8989]

I have a sister (who has no children) who was going to write a book on raising children...

 

:lol:

Yes these days children have extra ordinary skills & more knowledge than us when we are kids. Some children don`t that they have that talent, so they need to be loved to reveal their skills.

[merry gardens]

Yes, I've gotten it, too. It's painful, especially since I've spent ages and ages blaming myself anyway.

:iagree:

 

Good point. I don't need strangers to blame me or my homeschooling. I do enough of that already without their help.

[Seldonstone]

I have given up on trying to explain the less visable disabilities to others, even my extended family.

 

Biggest lesson learned after all these years is to not even mention it at all. I no longer "explain" to someone why ds just performed this act or said that. I correct if rude but other then that let it go. And no one ever says a thing about it. Grant it, we are in a different place now then the earlier years.

 

Leaving public school was a huge relief for us. I no longer have to play their blame game.

 

My heart goes out to all of you. I hope that each day becomes an easier journey for your family.

[Mom-ninja.]

Yep. I was told by a child psychiatrist that my SPD son's issues are because of my parenting. He listed the reasons:

 

1. I don't provide a structured schedule.

2. I don't give him consequences.

3. I refuse to let him grow independently.

 

He told me these things after he found out we home school.

 

Yes, I'm pretty sure my ds cried for over 12 hours straight when we bought a new toilet seat because of the above reasons. :glare:

[Mergath]

I went through that with a speech therapist and two physical therapists. According to them, dd's speech delay and gross motor delay aren't because of her genetic disorder. No, they're because I don't force dd to talk clearly/walk better/run. If I would just FORCE her to do these things, her delays would disappear. When I explained that 16p11.2 deletion syndrome causes delays, the private physical therapist said, "Oh, I don't believe that." :cursing:

 

And, of course, the speech and physical therapist that we work with through the local public school didn't blame me until AFTER they found out we're planning to homeschool. They just about had fits when I declined to sign dd up for preschool and started doing it at home.

Edited July 18, 2011 by Mergath

[Mommee & Baba]

:grouphug: I can say I know what you are going through.

 

I have 3 dc and I have gotten the off-hands slight remarks that my oldest wouldn't be the way she is if I didn't allow her to be that way!

 

She struggles with SPD & OCD.

[nitascool]

When we took our son at 4 for a dx with a phsyc. autism specialist she told me that he just needed a good spanking. And that he was mentally retarded. She did an IQ test in which he scored a 70 (he couldn't concentrate long enough to do the written portions). This boy who could do triple digit multiplication in his head and read at a 4th grade level was obviously mentally deficient. How much grief we could have avoided if only we'd gotten a proper dx way back then.

 

I can't count how many times we've been told he just needs "better" or more consistent discipline. My MIL still doesn't believe he has autism. My 9yo is just a brat... not Autistic. The others are weird because we homeschool.

[mommaduck]

How often are you or others blamed for your kids special needs? Have you heard people say that an autistic child, child with SPD or child with anxiety has been coddled too much? Grrrrr

 

:grouphug: I have to admit that I was critical of a relative with a couple of autistic kids for awhile due to limited (junk) food choices with the kids. The parents really were the "go along, get along" type and the mom was more into her alcohol than her research. I didn't know about food sensitivities (textures, etc) at the time (and I was a new mom myself and young...you know, the know-it-all stage). I don't think they knew though either, they just fed them what they wanted or would eat. After spending enough time on this board, I've learned some things and it's taught me to be careful of being judgemental.

[Wendi]

This is the main reason my relationship with my mom is not what it used to be. She tends to dismiss ds's struggles (oh, lots of kids do x or y), or say/imply that we have just parented wrong. We left our last church after 7 years when it became obvious that certain leaders refused to believe that ds has any disability, that we are just bad parents. My son has Asperger's with a lot of sensory and anxiety problems, an as yet unexplained LD in math, and lots of struggles with regulating emotions. He's also extremely bright, perhaps gifted. Because we're the only homeschoolers in our family, and ds is an only child, many people over the years have blamed us (I guess mainly me).

 

Wendi

[NittanyJen]

We hear it all the time with our XXY son's low tone and coordination. "You need to get him off of the couch and play with him, then you wouldn't have to pay for all that expensive therapy!". "Well, I'd be humiliated if I had to pay someone to teach me how to play with my child."

 

My kids watch less TV and spend more time outdoors than 90% of America. People are frightened of what they cannot comprehend, and even though X and Y duplications are the most common genetic anomalies known, they are among the most under diagnosed and misunderstood, so people just don't get it. He cannot just try harder and suddenly be athletic (though with PT he has come a long way!)

 

I don't get mad though. I save my frustration for all the kids wandering around out there having trouble with some combination of speech delays, motor delays, reading delays, shy and or anxious personalities, dysgraphia, low muscle tone, easygoing and/or ADHD tendencies, and incorrect placements on the autism spectrum ... who aren't getting a correct dx because nobody offered them a simple blood draw to count their chromosomes to look for a an arrangement that happens in 1/500 live births (1/667 boys).

 

At least knowing what we know, helps deal with the idiots.

[swellmomma]

I get accused not of coddling but of being a "cold" mother. I have been told if I just coddled them more, etc they would be "normal". Apparently, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, hugs, and cuddles, loving on them everyday etc means I am a cold mother. If I was just more loving they would not have adhd, ODD, conduct disorder, mood disorders, learning disorders, bowel disorders etc.

 

I also have been questioned as to what I could have done while pregnant to cause all of this. In one case I was outright accused of drug use and told I was lieing when I said their was none. (I have never tried drugs in my entire life even as a teen and certainly never ever while pregnant, I had trouble even taking tylenol for headaches while pg) This person felt ds should too many signs of FAS and figured they had it all wrapped up.

 

Of course don't forget that if I was a "normal" mother and put my kids in public school they would instantly be cured as well.

[Wendi]

Of course don't forget that if I was a "normal" mother and put my kids in public school they would instantly be cured as well.

 

Naturally, because no public school kids have behavioral, emotional, learning, or health problems. :001_huh:

 

I hear ya.

 

Wendi

[Lovedtodeath]

I also have been questioned as to what I could have done while pregnant to cause all of this.

Well, my poor kids actually did have a mother who was going through things she shouldn't have while pregnant. That doesn't make it any easier now for any of us does it?

[JennyD]

I haven't experienced this as a parent, but my younger brother has suffered from mental illness (eventually diagnosed as a severe anxiety disorder) his entire life and the overwhelming consensus among everyone we know, not least of all extended family, was that my brother's problems were entirely due to my parents' 'overprotectiveness.'

 

(The fact that I, also my parents' child, had no such pathologies and in fact was a very independent, high achieving child was entirely beside the point, of course.)

 

Everyone, and I do mean everyone, agreed that what my parents -- i.e., my mother -- needed to do was to cut those apron strings and force him to stay at school/deal with his fears/just get over it already. When things got much, much worse during his teenage years and my brother was more or less unable to leave his room, my mother got lots of recommendations to 'just throw him out of the house.'

 

To my parents' immense credit, they did none of this, but they did persevere through some very dark times and eventually got my brother an appropriate diagnosis and treatment. Things started to improve by the time he was in his mid-twenties. He will always be on medication and need some extra hand-holding from various sources, but now at the age of 35 he is happily married, with a good job and two beautiful children.

 

To her further credit, my mom doesn't even seem to hold much of a grudge against those who judged and criticized for all of those years. She isn't much of a grudge-holder to begin with, but mostly I think she's just so happy and relieved that my brother is okay that nothing else matters.

But me, I don't forget.

 

Hugs to all of you who are dealing with this particular brand of cruel ignorance. :grouphug::grouphug:

Edited July 24, 2011 by JennyD

[Renee in NC]

We hear it all the time with our XXY son's low tone and coordination. "You need to get him off of the couch and play with him, then you wouldn't have to pay for all that expensive therapy!". "Well, I'd be humiliated if I had to pay someone to teach me how to play with my child."

 

My kids watch less TV and spend more time outdoors than 90% of America. People are frightened of what they cannot comprehend, and even though X and Y duplications are the most common genetic anomalies known, they are among the most under diagnosed and misunderstood, so people just don't get it. He cannot just try harder and suddenly be athletic (though with PT he has come a long way!)

 

I don't get mad though. I save my frustration for all the kids wandering around out there having trouble with some combination of speech delays, motor delays, reading delays, shy and or anxious personalities, dysgraphia, low muscle tone, easygoing and/or ADHD tendencies, and incorrect placements on the autism spectrum ... who aren't getting a correct dx because nobody offered them a simple blood draw to count their chromosomes to look for a an arrangement that happens in 1/500 live births (1/667 boys).

 

At least knowing what we know, helps deal with the idiots.

 

Is it genetic or a mutation? Is it possible that my ds's inherited a chromosomal abnormality? We have a whole combination of symptoms here and they show up (in different severities) in all 5 of my boys. Obviously, getting a name wouldn't really do anything but satisfy my curiousity!

[Tokyomarie]

I don't get mad though. I save my frustration for all the kids wandering around out there having trouble with some combination of speech delays, motor delays, reading delays, shy and or anxious personalities, dysgraphia, low muscle tone, easygoing and/or ADHD tendencies, and incorrect placements on the autism spectrum ... who aren't getting a correct dx because nobody offered them a simple blood draw to count their chromosomes to look for a an arrangement that happens in 1/500 live births (1/667 boys).

 

At what point should a parent suspect that a boy's "issues" could be from this type of chromosomal difference?

 

What percentage of boys with some combination of these symptoms are likely to have an X/Y anomaly?

[FrogMom5]

Yes, I've gotten it, too. It's painful, especially since I've spent ages and ages blaming myself anyway.

:iagree: Yes, I used to get this a lot. And, yes, I put a lot of blame on myself for things that I can't really control and aren't my fault at all. No matter what you do or don't do, people blame you for it. They, of course, have all the answers and if you would just do what they tell you to do... Grrr.

Denise

[NittanyJen]

Is it genetic or a mutation? Is it possible that my ds's inherited a chromosomal abnormality? We have a whole combination of symptoms here and they show up (in different severities) in all 5 of my boys. Obviously, getting a name wouldn't really do anything but satisfy my curiousity!

 

 

It is an entire extra chromosome-- he inherited either two X's from me plus the Y from his Dad, or one X from me and both the X and Y from his Dad.

 

Typically, this arrangement does not run in families, as unless the man is mosaic (when only a % of the cells have the extra chromosome, instead of all of them; this does happen) he is usually sterile, but lives a normal life. Certain genetic mutations can make it more likely for these chromosomes to fail to separate, but a cause is not really known for all cases. At 1/500 (1/667 for XXY boys, plus other male variations such as XXXY, XXXXY, XXYY, XYY, or for girls, XXX filling out the rest) it is not rare. So, we do not see a lot of Dads passing it along to sons, and even men using new techniques to have kids are having typical 46,XY and 46,XX kids.

 

That said, I do know of one family with 3kids, 3 different x-linked disorders, including one 47,XXY boy. Statistically, that is as unlikely as seeing an elephant fly under it's own power.

 

There is a questionnaire at http://www.thefocusfoundation.org that parents can self-administer. I know the questions sound kind of, "Well, this could be anybody," but taken together, at least 3-4 yes answers give you a 40% likelihood of an X or Y chromosome duplication, according to it's author, who has published and co-published much peer-reviewed research in the field, matching up the genetics with educational outcomes. There used to be a problem with question number 2; the wording was backwards. If it still is, it will be obvious. I would say 4 yes answers definitely warrants a conversation with a physician about a blood test; 3 may well be worth it as well. The test you need is FISH, and they need to count enough cells to check for mosaicism if symptoms are mild.

 

Why look?

 

XXY males have specific educational and potentially physical needs that are better understood in terms of their dx. Although not typically life threatening (it is not a degenerative disorder) 47,XXY does have medical ramifications, including the sterility issues (one doctor has discovered viable sperm in early puberty; this goes away shortly afterward; parents need to discuss with their son issues about cryopreservation and their own beliefs, as this may be their son's only chance for fertility; also decide when to mentally prep son for family planning ideas such as adoption, foster care, etc as alternatives). XXY males often need supplemental testosterone to improve overall health, focus (many "ADHD" teens have quit their meds after starting t therapy) musculature, and self confidence; 56% have a mitral valve prolapse, poor bone density can be an issue, dental problems, and higher risk for autoimmune, vascular, cancer, diabetic, a few other disorders. None of that is actually as bad as it sounds. It just means an alert doc will have a note in his file and will keep a sharper lookout for certain symptoms than they would with other patients. My son gets less frequent dental x-rays just to minimize radiation exposure, even if it is very small, in case he is fracture prone later.

 

And thank you thank you thank you that he will not experience the stress of one day being married and then discovering he can't have kids. He already knows it could possibly be a problem (we started discussing it at age 4 1/2) so it will never be sprung on him at a stressful life juncture such as puberty or when leaving for college. Most males in the USA are actually diagnosed in an infertility clinic, and a) they have a stressed marriage; b) they find their manhood challenged c) they get a whump of "So that's what was going on when everyone was calling me lazy/autistic/underachieving/whatever when I knew I was smart but just couldn't keep up in writing or speaking or playing or whatever!!"

 

One final note: 47,XXY is a spectrum condition, due to the way the X chromosome works, and that the spare can come from Mom or Dad. A person can be minimally affected or profoundly affected, in one domain, or all of them. Intelligence ranges from average to stratospherically bright. But reading, speaking, fine and gross motor delays, and shyness are common, though not universal. It is often mistaken for and misdiagnosed as autism, but much more easily treatable, including the social and speech aspects, if treated early and correctly.

 

Finally, sadly, mountains of poorly designed research was done a few decades ago, and many physicians were trained based on that research-- conducted entirely on prison populations. Their conclusion was that X and Y variation individuals were destined to be ... Wait for it .... Prisoners. Obviously, we know this to be false, and these men grow up to lead normal, productive lives, get married, and have jobs, and through various means have families. They are not homosexual in any greater proportion than the rest of the population (having a Y chromosome makes you male, lacking one makes you female. In embryonic development, we are all female, until a Y kicks in. So one Y is sufficient). Up to 30% of obstetricians in a recent survey will recommend aborting an XXY fetus based on the faulty studies, based on a recent survey. Hopefully I have answered questions and dispelled myths.

[NittanyJen]

At what point should a parent suspect that a boy's "issues" could be from this type of chromosomal difference?

 

What percentage of boys with some combination of these symptoms are likely to have an X/Y anomaly?

 

Hi Marie,

 

Hopefully, my previous reply to the other poster answered this for you; if not, let me know!

 

Jen