Ginevra Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Some of you saw my post for prayers about a friend of ours being brought up on criminal charges; this is related to that. I'm struggling with the philosophical/spiritual element of having someone we've considered a friend now being revealed as committing a heinous crime (that I don't wish to detail). Another related person spoke to me today that she never wants to lay eyes on him again for the rest of her life. And other statements that indicate she's utterly turned against him. There's no mercy for him; his crime is too serious. DH and I don't feel exactly that same way. This guy has had so few "good people" in his life. Dh has been somewhat of a mentor to him because he doesn't have any sense about things, i.e. managing money or if another person is using him, etc. I can't excuse his crime AT ALL, but I don't necessarily think we just turn from him forever. He is going to do prison time; it may be quite a while, but let's just say it's 5 - 10 years. Honestly, I can envision visiting him in jail from time to time and trying to...I don't know...shine some light into his life? I don't know if that even makes any sense. Assuming he serves his time, I don't necessarily feel that we should never see him ever again. I'm just struggling with Justice and Mercy. He deserves justice, and he is going to face it. But is he written off forever and ever? Does it depend on the crime? Can he not ever be extended mercy? He really has pretty much no one except dh, especially now. I opened the Bible last night and came right to the first chapter of Jonah. My Bible has a little intro of "Why Should I Read This Book?" It said something like, "Have you ever thought someone was beyond redemption? That they were too evil for God to ever forgive? Then, read this book!" I can't help feeling that it was not entirely coincidental that I landed there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathkath Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Was it a premeditated crime? Was it a repetetive crime? Was it something that involved long term secrecy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I don't know what he did, but I should think that visiting him in jail would be a nice thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 For me personally, the nature of the crime would be the key consideration. If I didn't think I could look this person in the eye and not feel disgust and anger, I would probably stick by them and offer whatever assistance they may need even if I felt anger and disappointment in his choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I know you're not willing to share what the crime was, and I'm not sure if there's a particular reason behind your reticence, but my reaction would depend upon what offense was committed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaughs_times_three Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I think if you have the grace to be merciful, then that is a gift from God. And He can use that mercy for good. But I would not do it from guilt or spiritual philosophy. You can trust God to give you the grace you need. If you don't have it, it may be because this person needs to feel the heat of his choices. We never really know what God's plans are. Sometimes tough love is the best love. That having been said, I'd never stop praying for him, or believing that God can redeem him. I do agree with some of the other posters, depending on what he has done, some things are harder to come back from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 We had this happen with a friend. We understood that he committed the crime (there was proof that could not be ignored). Dh started out corresponding with him. He wasn't allowed to visit. But eventually he stopped returning dh's letters. We still pray for him and wish him well but circumstances have caused the friendship to fizzle. From what we understand, he's still there because he refuses to admit guilt to a parole board. I also have a family member who has done time. Again - no doubt about guilt. He's out but he refuses to have anything to do with the family because of embarrassment (no one has been even remotely nasty to him). The gist of what I'm saying is that the court system will deliver the justice. You can extend mercy (but not condone his behavior). Ultimately though he will be making decisions as to the continuation of the friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 It does not matter what your friend has done, he is still a creature of God. He will have to suffer the consequences of his actions both legally and spiritually. It seems from your post that you understand that and agree that justice is required. You and your husband are not trying to pardon or condone his crime, but trying to extend the love of God; that is a beautiful thing. I say this as someone who has had suffered very personally and seriously because of others' criminal actions. While I, even now, could not fathom personally reaching out to those who wronged me, I have forgiven them and hope that they have experienced spiritual healing and restoration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 It does not matter what your friend has done, he is still a creature of God. He will have to suffer the consequences of his actions both legally and spiritually. It seems from your post that you understand that and agree that justice is required. You and your husband are not trying to pardon or condone his crime, but trying to extend the love of God; that is a beautiful thing. I say this as someone who has had suffered very personally and seriously because of others' criminal actions. While I, even now, could not fathom personally reaching out to those who wronged me, I have forgiven them and hope that they have experienced spiritual healing and restoration. :iagree::iagree: I think what he has done is beside the point. If you and your husband feel you should extend some mercy and be there for this man then I think that would be a wonderful thing and I only hope that I would do something similar if I was ever given the chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Its an intensely personal thing. MIL's brother molested his daughters. She lectures us on not being good Christians b/c we want absolutely zilch to do with him. For us, its about risk factors. Forgiving him isn't in the equation, he didn't do anything to us. It depends so much on the crime committed, against whom, the level of violence, the history of the act... All you can do is what you believe to be right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you want an answer you need define the crime. One can get 5 years for grand theft auto (in some places) and I suppose that from that crime there is rehabilitation. One can also get 5-10 for rape and from that, well....... An answer is predicated on the crime and its nature. Would I still offer some comfort to a thief? Yes...but again depending on the nature of the theft. Would I offer some comfort to a rapist? Hell NO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Well - it sounds like the state has taken care of the justice part. As long as you aren't endangering yourself or your family, I see no harm in showing him mercy. We are told not to judge lest we be judged ourselves. God and the State will take care of that part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you want an answer you need define the crime. One can get 5 years for grand theft auto (in some places) and I suppose that from that crime there is rehabilitation. One can also get 5-10 for rape and from that, well....... An answer is predicated on the crime and its nature. Would I still offer some comfort to a thief? Yes...but again depending on the nature of the theft. Would I offer some comfort to a rapist? Hell NO. Just because you would not personally feel able to extend mercy or grace to someone who committed a sexual crime does not mean that no one ever should. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If you want an answer you need define the crime. One can get 5 years for grand theft auto (in some places) and I suppose that from that crime there is rehabilitation. One can also get 5-10 for rape and from that, well....... An answer is predicated on the crime and its nature. Would I still offer some comfort to a thief? Yes...but again depending on the nature of the theft. Would I offer some comfort to a rapist? Hell NO. I would rather see it that you use discernment on what possible temptation you put in their way in the future. If the person has committed a money crime, you do not make them treasurer and give them the keys to your lock box. (The state tends to operate like this too by making it part of their sentence that they cannot hold a job with financial responsibility). If the person has committed a crime against children, you do not give them unsupervised access to children. (Again, the state usually mandates this as well.) If the person has committed a crime against women, you do not leave him alone with women. etc. etc. etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I would rather see it that you use discernment on what possible temptation you put in their way in the future. If the person has committed a money crime, you do not make them treasurer and give them the keys to your lock box. (The state tends to operate like this too by making it part of their sentence that they cannot hold a job with financial responsibility). If the person has committed a crime against children, you do not give them unsupervised access to children. (Again, the state usually mandates this as well.) If the person has committed a crime against women, you do not leave him alone with women. etc. etc. etc. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I would rather see it that you use discernment on what possible temptation you put in their way in the future. ..... If the person has committed a crime against children, you do not give them unsupervised access to children. (Again, the state usually mandates this as well.) If the person has committed a crime against women, you do not leave him alone with women. etc. etc. etc. If a person has committed a sexual crime against children, I do not want to be around him. If a person has committed a sexual crime against women I do not wnat to be around him. The very nature of the crime means that I will have nothing to do with him. I do not care about "temptation" I will not associate with that type of individual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Without knowing the nature of the crime, I have no idea what to think. For involvement in our lives, there are unforgivable crimes. I wouldn't have anyone convicted of a reasonable sex crime (I mean anything other than a 17 year old boy having intercourse with his 16 year old girlfriend type "crime.") in our lives ever again. Child abuse of any kind, really. Elder abuse too. Heck, probably any kind of physical abuse of any people. For that matter, animal abuse too. Stalking issues? Probably not because it's too big a symptom of worse going on in your head and well, prison isn't going to fix that. Financial stuff? I'd probably involve you in our lives, depending upon the cricumstance but I'd make darn sure you were never involved in my money for the rest of your life. There are things I would not forgive. Absolutely. I'm not god. I don't believe in god. If the criminal needs absolution, then it's his job to seek it from others. But if he's broken one of my unforgivable crimes, that absolution will not come from me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 A heinous crime? No, I would not visit someone in prison if they committed a heinous crime. I might or might not write to them, depending on the crime and their level of contrition, and I might or might not choose to see them when their sentence is up. To me, heinous implies intentional physical harm (including any type of sexual crime), and I doubt I would be willing to use my limited time and resources to visit that type of criminal in prison. I'd consider a few property crimes in that category as well, for example swindling his trusting grandmother out of her life savings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If a person has committed a sexual crime against children, I do not want to be around him. If a person has committed a sexual crime against women I do not wnat to be around him. The very nature of the crime means that I will have nothing to do with him. I do not care about "temptation" I will not associate with that type of individual. Quill has made it clear that the specifics of the crime are somewhat beside the point for her. She didn't want talk of the specifics derailing the thread I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I found, through a particularly painful personal experience, that looking at the person with empathy and trying to understand his internal struggle with whatever damage there is to his heart/psyche/soul due to past experiences brought me a long way to... Extending grace? Mercy? Lovingkindness? Whatever you want to call it. The acts are not excused. There was immense anger and a lot of healing work. Now though, surprisingly, there is love and understanding, and sadness at how he came to commit the acts. Wherever you start, it is not necessarily where you will remain. I wish you all peace in this journey, whatever place you feel called to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 :grouphug: I can relate to what you are going through; we have someone close to us who will be sentenced soon. I struggle with how to pray about it; I want justice to be done, but I am praying for mercy, too. This person acknowledges responsibility, and has pleaded guilty, which I think makes it easier for me to pray for mercy than if things were different. I do encourage you to extend grace if you can. Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Quill has made it clear that the specifics of the crime are somewhat beside the point for her. She didn't want talk of the specifics derailing the thread I think. Yes she has, but several people have also made it quite clear that without the specifics of the crime there can be no clear answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I think of course you forgive and extend mercy. It's not your job to judge. But whether you want to visit him and extend friendship to him is another matter, and I would just stay in touch with my feelings about that. You can extend prayer and genuine love irrespective of whether you personally want contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meriwether Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 The gist of what I'm saying is that the court system will deliver the justice. You can extend mercy (but not condone his behavior). This is exactly what I was going to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Danielle it sounds like you and your husband have good hearts. :) That you are able to look beyond what he's done is a gift and I'm sure that God will use you in his life. I don't blame someone when they feel as the others do, but you are doing the right thing for you. I think that if you asked WWJD, you'd have your answer. Praying for him, for both of you, and for all who were affected by his actions. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think if you have the grace to be merciful, then that is a gift from God. And He can use that mercy for good. But I would not do it from guilt or spiritual philosophy. You can trust God to give you the grace you need. :iagree:If you feel it within you to extend mercy, then you should. Listen to what God is speaking to your heart. Sometimes those closer to a situation are not in a position to extend that mercy. Sometimes someone a little bit farther away might still have it to give, and can still make a difference in a person's life. Your post brought into my mind, Dead Man Walking, which was a hard movie for me to watch and understand. But I do believe that God doesn't give up on anybody (King David's crime, for example, was both premeditated and heinous). You and your husband might be the ones who are capable of extending mercy and making a difference right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristineW Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I just keep thinking of the words "when I was imprisoned, you visited me." If God grants you the grace to visit this troubled friend, then I see nothing wrong with it. As the victim of a crime many on this board consider unforgivable, I have struggled to forgive and extend grace. Its hard and I an still working through it even though the events happened 20 years ago. For safety reasons, my kids will never be in the presence of this individual. But visiting someone in prison does not put your family at risk. Follow the leading of the Spirit. Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Quill has made it clear that the specifics of the crime are somewhat beside the point for her. She didn't want talk of the specifics derailing the thread I think. I brought up hypothetical specifics. People have said that those specifics would make a difference in their answer to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 Quill has made it clear that the specifics of the crime are somewhat beside the point for her. She didn't want talk of the specifics derailing the thread I think. I don't want the specifics "out there" out of protection. I don't want something specific and searchable to be able to be linked to my family through this post. I would rather see it that you use discernment on what possible temptation you put in their way in the future. If the person has committed a money crime, you do not make them treasurer and give them the keys to your lock box. (The state tends to operate like this too by making it part of their sentence that they cannot hold a job with financial responsibility). If the person has committed a crime against children, you do not give them unsupervised access to children. (Again, the state usually mandates this as well.) If the person has committed a crime against women, you do not leave him alone with women. etc. etc. etc. Right, those are parameters I expect. We would most likely be in a position to help him obtain employment once his sentence is over and it would be employment he's skilled to do, but that does not place him in the position to repeat the crime. However, I am not sure if we can provide even that help (whenever that day rolls around) because we know that he was convicted of a crime. Is it wrong that other people could be around him in a business transaction without knowing that he has a criminal conviction in his past? But I'm getting way ahead of myself. Yes she has, but several people have also made it quite clear that without the specifics of the crime there can be no clear answer. pqr, that is also an answer that is fine to give. As I said, one person involved does find the particular crime unforgiveable, something that can never become "the past." I am fine with posters saying that is true for them too. That's still an answer. I cannot give the specifics. It's the World Wide Web. Danielle it sounds like you and your husband have good hearts. :) That you are able to look beyond what he's done is a gift and I'm sure that God will use you in his life. I don't blame someone when they feel as the others do' date=' but you are doing the right thing for you. I think that if you asked WWJD, you'd have your answer. Praying for him, for both of you, and for all who were affected by his actions. :grouphug:[/quote'] I have actually thought WWJD, but I don't know that I'm certain of the answer. Spritually, no one is beyond God's reach and I get that, but there are also tons of practical elements, too. Would Jesus help him find work with a felony record? I really have no idea. :tongue_smilie: Oh, my stomach is just in a gigantic knot over this whole horrible mess! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Right, those are parameters I expect. We would most likely be in a position to help him obtain employment once his sentence is over and it would be employment he's skilled to do, but that does not place him in the position to repeat the crime. However, I am not sure if we can provide even that help (whenever that day rolls around) because we know that he was convicted of a crime. Is it wrong that other people could be around him in a business transaction without knowing that he has a criminal conviction in his past? But I'm getting way ahead of myself. As long as you as employer know his criminal past and do not violate conditions of his parole and sentencing (like the conditions of employment I mentioned in my previous post) there is no problem with hiring ex-cons. You would be doing him a huge favor. My family member had a very hard time being hired anywhere because of his record - or I should say, he got hired repeatedly but then the offers were rescinded every time the background check was completed. He now has a job but it was a rough road. Having said that, there are character issues which led to the crimes in the first place which have not changed at all. And there is no sign that he wishes to change in those areas. So - keeping him from temptation is good and protects him and the public but as family members we really wish for a deeper change for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think there a couple of ways you can help someone in prison. 1) Visit 2) Write 3) Mail them books and 4) Pray for them. I think for me, the nature of the crime would dictate visits and wriiting. But I would be willing to mail someone books and pray for them. Also pray if the victim(s) of the crime as well as families of the victim and families of the criminal. I don't know about once they get out. 5 to 10 years is a long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think there a couple of ways you can help someone in prison. 1) Visit 2) Write 3) Mail them books and 4) Pray for them. I think for me, the nature of the crime would dictate visits and wriiting. But I would be willing to mail someone books and pray for them. Also pray if the victim(s) of the crime as well as families of the victim and families of the criminal. I don't know about once they get out. 5 to 10 years is a long time. Note: books can only be sent from the store directly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I think of course you forgive and extend mercy. It's not your job to judge. But whether you want to visit him and extend friendship to him is another matter, and I would just stay in touch with my feelings about that. You can extend prayer and genuine love irrespective of whether you personally want contact. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 This is an extremly painful situation. Everything I have read from you in the past leaves me no doubt that you and your dh will proccess thru this in loving healthy manner. Let yourself grieve...and go thru the cycles. Brush up on what they are, and don't fight them when the phases change. I did want to take a moment to talk about your friend who wasn't showing mercy. She's angry. Right now that is the phase she is in and it is okay. It doesn't mean she will never come to a place of mercy, she is just proccessing this at a slightly different place than you are right now. Don't be surprised if in a few months you guys flip flop. ;) :grouphug: You guys have been in my thoughts!!! People do horrible things. As a victim I have twisted like a kite in the wind between justice and mercy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I don't want the specifics "out there" out of protection. I don't want something specific and searchable to be able to be linked to my family through this post. Right, those are parameters I expect. We would most likely be in a position to help him obtain employment once his sentence is over and it would be employment he's skilled to do, but that does not place him in the position to repeat the crime. However, I am not sure if we can provide even that help (whenever that day rolls around) because we know that he was convicted of a crime. Is it wrong that other people could be around him in a business transaction without knowing that he has a criminal conviction in his past? But I'm getting way ahead of myself. pqr, that is also an answer that is fine to give. As I said, one person involved does find the particular crime unforgiveable, something that can never become "the past." I am fine with posters saying that is true for them too. That's still an answer. I cannot give the specifics. It's the World Wide Web. I have actually thought WWJD, but I don't know that I'm certain of the answer. Spritually, no one is beyond God's reach and I get that, but there are also tons of practical elements, too. Would Jesus help him find work with a felony record? I really have no idea. :tongue_smilie: Oh, my stomach is just in a gigantic knot over this whole horrible mess! I think his spiritual needs are more immediate than ones of employment. ;) If this becomes a turning point in his life, he may have no interest in the type of employment he has had in the past. He may want to work with people - who knows. I wouldn't even think about that aspect right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I might have missed this detail in your post. There is a victim in the heinous crime, right? I am guessing you don't ahve a relationship with the victim? If you do, I would think your relationship with the victim comes first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 I don't tend to think of justice and mercy as opposed, ultimately, at least when we're talking about them in a religious/biblical sense. Both, I think, are about making things right and healing what's been broken. In general I don't think of justice as being about punishment; punishment can and may need to be a part of justice, but it's not the whole thing. True justice is the setting right of things. Honestly I'm kind of heartbroken over some of the responses here; taking reasonable precautions to protect yourself and your family is one thing, but to me cutting all ties with a friend over one act, no matter how heinous, is another. I would not, personally, want people to decide, based on the worst thing I've ever done, that I am irredeemable, somebody to be written off, or otherwise have them define me by that act. Maybe the worst thing I've ever done isn't as bad as this crime, but I don't think that really matters; what it comes down to is that I don't want to be defined by my worst action, and I'm not willing to define others that way. I'd be more concerned with the person's attitude than with the specifics of the crime. Is the person aware that they did wrong? Is he accepting responsibility? Is he looking to change so that something similar doesn't happen again? Is he repentant? If those things are true, then personally I wouldn't feel right cutting off contact. People make mistakes, even really, really horrible ones, and still can change. I think there's certainly a need for firm boundaries, especially at first, but I don't think cutting off contact with somebody serves either justice or mercy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted June 14, 2011 Author Share Posted June 14, 2011 I don't tend to think of justice and mercy as opposed, ultimately, at least when we're talking about them in a religious/biblical sense. Both, I think, are about making things right and healing what's been broken. In general I don't think of justice as being about punishment; punishment can and may need to be a part of justice, but it's not the whole thing. True justice is the setting right of things. Honestly I'm kind of heartbroken over some of the responses here; taking reasonable precautions to protect yourself and your family is one thing, but to me cutting all ties with a friend over one act, no matter how heinous, is another. I would not, personally, want people to decide, based on the worst thing I've ever done, that I am irredeemable, somebody to be written off, or otherwise have them define me by that act. Maybe the worst thing I've ever done isn't as bad as this crime, but I don't think that really matters; what it comes down to is that I don't want to be defined by my worst action, and I'm not willing to define others that way. I'd be more concerned with the person's attitude than with the specifics of the crime. Is the person aware that they did wrong? Is he accepting responsibility? Is he looking to change so that something similar doesn't happen again? Is he repentant? If those things are true, then personally I wouldn't feel right cutting off contact. People make mistakes, even really, really horrible ones, and still can change. I think there's certainly a need for firm boundaries, especially at first, but I don't think cutting off contact with somebody serves either justice or mercy. This is exactly how dh and I feel about it. Dh said, "I've known him for 20 years and *that* is not him." I feel the same way as far as I hope nobody would throw me away because I did something wrong - even terribly wrong. And yes, he is consumed with regret and remorse. Before he was taken away, he met with dh and cried in a way that dh has never witnessed before. He knows he's thrown away everything; dh was worried he would kill himself before he was picked up because of things he said indicating his own worthlessness. This is how we know it is not a mistaken charge. He confessed to the police and he confessed to dh. He has a son that is now in the custody of a mother who turned her back on him (the son) two years ago. The boy has nobody worthwhile now. Today I had to disable the man's cellphone and he has a photo of his son holding up a fish from a fishing trip as his background pic. :(:(:( It's breaking me up thinking about it - that boy's life is practically hopeless now. ALL he had going for him was his father who is now unable to raise him at all. I just wish I had a magic wand; I honestly wish it had ever occurred to us to be guardians for his son, though we still would probably not have been able to take custody of him because his "mother" (using that term very loosely) is still alive. :( I'm just heartbroken about everything. I might have missed this detail in your post. There is a victim in the heinous crime, right? I am guessing you don't ahve a relationship with the victim? If you do, I would think your relationship with the victim comes first. Correct - I do not know the victim and have no connection with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) For me, it would depend on the heart of the friend. Does he admit his wrong doing or does he claim innocence? Is he upset that he committed the crime or that he was caught? Is he willing to seek out his victims (I assume there are victims), apologize and ask for forgiveness? Is he willing to accept his punishment and move toward a new life, one in which he voluntarily gives up the criminal behavior? If he is showing a change of heart, then for me mercy would be easier to extend. If his heart is hardened and recidivism is inevitable then granting mercy might be more difficult for me. -- Okay, I just read through the replies and see how you responded to twoforjoy, who wrote something along the same lines I did. :grouphug: I can only offer this adivce. Pray and ask for guidance. The Lord will lead you where you should go. Edited June 14, 2011 by The Dragon Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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