Jody Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Just curious if parents stopped giving you birthday presents and of coarse they have everything would you get them something. Especially raising a family when money is tighter on our end. In my mind it is hard to avoid giving a present when I think it is a special day for them. However, with money tight I really wonder if we should stress out giving when they don't to us. I know that isn't about giving and getting either. Just curious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 No, we don't give gifts except at Christmas and then it is a family photo & restaurant gift card. My mom does send me money & mil will send me a gift card, but I wouldn't be hurt if they stopped. I don't want my kids to get me stuff when they are adults. The last thing I'll need is more stuff to clutter my life with. Send me pics of my grandkids, homemade cards, and the kiddos art. That is all I want when my kids are grown. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I only seem capable of using half of my brain right now... Sorry! Are you asking if it is Ok to *not* give gifts to parents/inlaws who *don't* give gifts to your family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 My mother only gave me a birthday present once (after I was all grown up). I didn't give her anything. We were both good with that. We figured we were adult people and didn't need gifts.:001_smile: Mr. Ellie and I exchanged gifts with his mother at Christmas; I can't remember if we did birthday presents...that was too long ago. 0_o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 We exchange birthday cards and gifts with my parents and my sister (and her family). We do not with my husband's family (cards only). For Christmas, we give to all, even if they do not give to us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 We stopped with my dh's parents years ago; they are very wealthy and have everything they need and a lot they don't need. ;) We have, however, celebrated with an event (last year we had a family reunion in Mexico for their bdays). My mom is about to find out that there will be no more bday presents (tomorrow, in fact). She doesn't send things and I'm tired of trying to find things that will appease her. So she gets a card and a call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I haven't gotten a birthday gift from my mom in a very long time. I'm still expected to give her gifts, however. That ends this year. (Of course... it's also one of the reasons we're on no contact. Again.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmgirl70 Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I love to give gifts, so I would, but just because I want to. I do give simple things--sometimes homemade. Handmade soap, jam I've canned, knitted or sewn goods, etc. are all things I've given. I like making gifts. I wouldn't suggest doing it just because you feel obligated, though. If you do want to give a gift, it wouldn't have to be extravagant. Do something together, fix a nice meal, write some loving words... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 I give my mom gifts - not because she expects them but because I want to give her something. She still sends me gifts. She also sends my dds and my dh gifts. (My dad has passed but if he were here I would send him gifts as well.)My in-laws don't really like gifts but we send homemade things and cards. I also still send my brother and sis-in-law cards. I send my sis a gift. (My sis has no kids so she gets a gift but brother does so his kids get gifts and he gets a card.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 For some reason it is really important to my father's wife to do the whole present thing- birthdays, Christmas etc- and she gets very hurt and bitter if not acknowledged deeply for every gift she gives. I do exchange presents with both my parents but that is what we do- it's not right for everyone. If they didn't give me a present I probably wouldn't go to the effort of giving them one, either, honestly, but they do, so I do. I find all the politics around gift giving to be annoying and sometimes I want to drop it all, but then, I do enjoy it too so try to just stay gracious around it all. If they stopped, it might even be a relief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Hubby and his folks do not really exchange gifts - they might give him a shirt or sweater on his b'day. I do bake things and try to find an item or two they might like on Christmas. Now, my folks we do exchange gifts - that is how I was raised ;-) . Since they are in S. Calif. and I am in Illinois, I nowadays stick to letting Amazon do my free shipping for me. Dad gets books - he loves a good history book - mom gets novels and dvds, mostly. They, in turn, send me money (easier for them - used to send gifts). We do b'days, Christmas, and of course I gift them on Mothers Day and Dad Day. Photo books of grandkids are also popular (as is See's candy). Despite my best efforts, of my four kids only ONE takes after my side of the family in gift-giving. :glare: I might as well add - I LOVE to think of just the right gift, be it a real gift or a gag gift, to give someone. I enjoy doing this. I wish the people in my family would do the same for me, but it just isn't in their make-up. Edited September 13, 2011 by JFSinIL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 We got somewhat locked in to giving my mom a bday gift, though we do not give any of the other parents bday gifts, only Christmas gifts. Not because they don't give us gifts (they don't) but just we never have done so. The only reason we give my mom a gift is b/c her bday is right next to Christmas and she has....issues....surrounding her bday. We generally spend the same amount though on her bday and Christmas as everyone else's Christmas, split them out, give her one at Christmas and one in bday wrapping on her bday. Because it irks my DH that we give her a bday gift at all, but not his mom, his dad, my dad, etc. Which I agree with, but....sigh...she has issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 We do exchange gifts with both sets of parents. I know with my parents, if we stopped exchanging, it would be a mutual decision after a discussion where we all decided we weren't going to do presents anymore. I think if my husband's parents stopped giving us gifts at birthdays, we would feel comfortable stopping the tradition on our end as well. The only tricky part is if they are still buying for the kids. Then, I might feel like I wanted to do something for them since they are doing something for the kids. It all gets so complicated doesn't it? I'd love to stop the gift giving among adults, especially since we are all just exchanging gift cards at this point anyway. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 No, I stopped giving gifts a long time ago. Money is extremely tight with us, and everyone in our family has more than we do. It's not a selfish thing, just a, "Why would I get them something they don't need or want when it kills me to afford it?" I also find the whole gift giving concept tiring. I don't like giving gifts, and I don't like getting them. You should do whatever makes you happy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 My parents, yes. In-laws, no, because of b-day issues while my dh was growing up. I guess in that case it's never really taken hold, even as an adult. Of course, that doesn't help your situation. I'd say, with money tight, parents will probably understand. You can also do the sentimental type gifts--framed pictures of the kids, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 We send cards or pictures of the kids. We add in a restaurant card for milestone birthdays for my side. For my husband's side we sometimes go in on larger presents with his sister. We receive cards with either checks or those preloaded credit cards from my side. I'm younger than my husband, so my family tries to help with our expenses in this way. We receive small gifts like books or decorations that "fit" us from garage sales and the thrift store from my husband's side. So even though their gifts don't cost as much, there is a lot of thought behind them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2_girls_mommy Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Only occasionally do I give my mother a gift for bdays. My mother doesn't give me gifts. She never has really. But even occasionally she will make me something for my bday. My grandmother always sent $ on bdays even after I was an adult, but now that we have kids and she has several other great grandkids I have noticed that she sends only to the great grandkids. That is fine with me. The whole gift giving thing gets way out of hand if you let it. I say it is for the little kids. If there is something in particular that I want to get for my mom or grandmother one year, then I will. But I do not feel obligated. Like one year my mother was obsessed with the Duggars. She couldn't talk about any thing without working them into the conversation. It was a family joke. So I bought her 20 and Counting for her bday that year. It was a funny thing to do, and I had the cash to do so. She loved it. We all do Christmas usually. It has always been a nice get together for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisB Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 My parents get at least a card for their birthday. We send flowers to my mom on her birthday and Mother's Day. If I find something that my dad would like, then he'll get it for either his birthday or Father's Day, but that isn't usual. We give both of them gifts for Christmas. My parents will send our kids small gifts at Christmas. Sometimes we'll get cards for our birthdays. Gifts are not their love language at.all. My siblings and I do not give gifts or cards for birthdays or Christmas. I have 7 siblings with children and it just gets to be too much. My ILs get cards and gifts for both birthdays and Mother's/Father's Day. We also get them gifts for Christmas. They LOVE giving/getting gifts = one of their love languages. They are very generous with us and our children. IL siblings get cards and gifts, but we are trying to phase that out for birthdays, not Christmas. We spend a lot more on ILs than my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Just cards, no gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
curlylocks Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 We generally take our parents out to dinner for their birthdays. (Once we weren't able to go "out", so we did a cookout at our home.) Our parents do still give gifts -- generally a card w/ money so we can get something we want/need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Just curious if parents stopped giving you birthday presents and of coarse they have everything would you get them something. Especially raising a family when money is tighter on our end. In my mind it is hard to avoid giving a present when I think it is a special day for them. However, with money tight I really wonder if we should stress out giving when they don't to us. I know that isn't about giving and getting either. Just curious! It would depend on why they stopped giving. If money was tight for my parents, I would still give them something on their birthdays unless it embarrassed them. If they just felt gift-giving ended for adults to each other (they had enough money but just weren't inclined to buy or receive), then I'd consider not giving a present. Although I think I would still feel like sending at least a card and pictures of the grandkids. But I like to give gifts. We don't have much extra, but even little gifts are fun to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 We do gifts for all three sets of parents (IL's, my Mom & her husband, my Dad & his wife). They all still love to give gifts to us and we enjoy giving gifts to them. As they get older, it's a little more challenging to find them something they actually want or need and haven't already purchased themselves, but we try anyway :). My FIL is the hardest to buy for because he truly doesn't NEED anything, doesn't WANT much, and anything that he does need/want he just goes and buys himself. He is probably very tired of Home Depot gift cards :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caterpiller Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 my parents still give to us. DHs mom usually forgets and she is always broke anyway. We try to get for all of them, but sometimes we can't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 My parents have a lot of kids, but we still get presents every year :) sometimes something big, like a trip, but sometimes something small like a token gift card. We always acknowledge my parents birthdays with dinner out, cake, and gifts from the grandkids. My siblings and I usually go in on event-type stuff for them and call it their birthday gifts - things like plays, concerts, weekend at a vineyard, etc. They'd just as soon we didn't get them anything, but we like to and there are enough of us to make it happen. My kids' dad has a much smaller family (two kids) and my SIL gives a token gift to their parents on their birthdays - movie tickets or a $10 gift card to a chain restaurant or bookstore. He doesn't do anything, but when I remember I'll send a $20 gift card on his behalf. I think each of the four grandparents would appreciate a simple nod or acknowledgment of the day (perhaps a card or picture or note), especially if they knew money was tight. I don't think they'd be upset if we stopped sending or giving anything, and I encourage you not to stress about it :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThelmaLou Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Yes, we buy parents and in-laws both b-day and Christmas presents. We don't do the same for siblings, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 They give DH and I presents too. I would not let my Mom or MIL's birthday go by without a present. They are both widows. If DH (an only child) and I didn't give MIL a present on her birthday, no one would. I think that would be rather sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TinaBlue Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 My parents give us birthday presents (usually just gift cards or checks for DH and me), and we give them gift cards for birthdays. DH's parents haven't sent either of us a birthday present since I've known him (just cards). We send them cards for birthdays. They usually send money for the kids' birthdays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Double post, sorry. Edited September 13, 2011 by Spryte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 We give birthday gifts to all of our parents (and extended family also) if we are going to see them on their birthday, or otherwise celebrate with them. Both of my mothers get birthday gifts - because I think they both place a lot of meaning on birthdays (both mothers meaning my mom and my "other mom" or stepmom), and because I simply enjoy giving them gifts. For my father and in-laws, we do cards and give a gift if we see them, but normally it's just a card in the mail and a phone call. BTW, the gifts are usually framed pics of the kids or something else meaningful and sentimental, but not pricey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Splinter Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I do get my parents birthday gifts, but they live 3 houses down and we see them every day, so it would be strange not to. Plus, the kids love shopping for gifts for them and making cards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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