Serious question for serious thinkers

[SnowWhite]

There can't be more information because there really isn't anything specific. Mental illness has many facets and presents itself in mnay ways. In giving specifics, I would be negating what I was trying to find out to begin with which was what does the general population believe when it comes to friending someone who has a mental illness.

 

This is what I wm trying to determine. What arethe factors that people need to know when forming friendships. What is enough information vs. TMI?

 

Here is what I can give you, as a family member and friend of people who have depression and various mental illnesses or symptoms.

 

I don't approach the idea of friendship with these factors in mind. I do however, see that there are people whose illnesses are making it difficult for them to participate constructively in friendships and relationships. The actions resulting from the mental illnesses may hinder our relationship, but it is the actions, not the illnesses that get in the way.

 

I wouldn't think going around announcing one's diagnoses and status of treatment would be needed nor practical or advisable.

 

I can give you examples if you like. Dh's dad exhibits symptoms of narcissism. It's not his quirks and unusual approach to life that get in the way of our relationship- it's the attacks and wounds that he has inflicted. There is just so much abuse any person can take, and our children must be protected from the damage he can do. (He's still in our life, on his own terms). A member of the homeschool community also exhibits symptoms of narcissism. We no longer speak, by her own choice. I did not play the conciliatory "apologize for something I said that was correct and needful, but not what she wanted to hear" game. If she spoke to me, I would embrace her friendship as readily as before, but would have to be wary for a similar rift in future. An aunt is bi-polar. We have to keep our distance to protect our children (instability borders on violent). A brother in law is bi-polar, possibly schizophrenic. He is welcome in our home, but we see him rarely. His closer family (on dh's side) is not often in contact with him because he's not usually functional, often institutionalized. A close friend (and other family members) have chronic clinical depression. I have found this to be the easiest illness to work around. They sometimes have their blue periods, but the relationships remain strong regardless of their mood changes.

[JustGin]

Absolutely! A diagnosis of mental illness is not, and should not be a value judgement on a person. A person may have an specific issue but I guarantee he or she also has many other strengths and abilities and interests that make them very worth knowing :)

[zaichiki]

Speaking of the DSM...

 

Axis I disorders (bipolar, schizophrenia, et al) are considered biological, while Axis II disorders (BPD, narcissism, multiple personality disorder, etc) are considered the result of environmental factors. Eg: A "fractured personality". Which is why a BPD can heal with therapy, but a bipolar (bpad) can only ever mask / control symptoms with medication and lifestyle stuff.

 

A

 

Good to know. Thanks, asta!

[Nakia]

Well, to be honest, I am one of those people. But then again, I don't have any friends IRL. So... Maybe I should add my dx labels on my sig line? :001_huh:

 

You have a friend here, Beth. You are not a label. You are just you and a very wonderful you. :grouphug:

[Nakia]

I have borderline personality disorder. Thanks a lot, everyone. Seems I need a ten foot pole tag on my sig, then? :glare:

 

I knew someone here had BPD, and I thought it was you. Just know that you are loved, and not everyone judges others by their diagnosis. :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

I have had a lot of friends who have various disorders. I had a good friend who was bipolar. I have had lots of friends who struggled with depression. My mom had a LOT of depression issues. One of my sisters has a lot of OCD issues (she is medicated for them, I'm not being flippant), etc.

 

*However* I have also known (and in some cases tried to befriend and/or am/was related to) people who aren't interested in being diagnosed or getting help or taking medication or even admitting there is a problem. That is another thing entirely, and it can be exhausting.

 

I wouldn't write off the former type because of my experiences with the latter.

 

:grouphug: to everyone struggling.

[Nakia]

[quote name=The Dragon Academy;2615143

 

And' date=' since Mergath has shared her heart...I am BPD also. I have to admit I was quite stunned when the first response regarding BPD went up; it's almost like someone knew what I was trying to ask without really asking it. And now I am wondering how many people are going to choose to ignore me here at TWTM.:confused:

 

I just want to thank you and Mergath for sharing. Nothing is healed by dark; it's only when something is brought to light that true healing can begin. You have prayed for me many time as I've shared my journey, and I will pray for you. Please don't let a few posts cause you shame or pain. It will be okay. :grouphug:

[Nakia]

I have had a lot of friends who have various disorders. I had a good friend who was bipolar. I have had lots of friends who struggled with depression. My mom had a LOT of depression issues. One of my sisters has a lot of OCD issues (she is medicated for them, I'm not being flippant), etc.

 

*However* I have also known (and in some cases tried to befriend and/or am/was related to) people who aren't interested in being diagnosed or getting help or taking medication or even admitting there is a problem. That is another thing entirely, and it can be exhausting.

I wouldn't write off the former type because of my experiences with the latter.

 

:grouphug: to everyone struggling.

 

I could not agree more with the bolded. So true.

[Denisemomof4]

Believe it or not, some of us do get a handle on things and become functional, normal people.

 

Also, I've read in several places that BPD is quite likely the result of childhood abuse. I'm inclined to agree. So if you want to talk about traumatic experiences...

 

well I can tell you for sure that my sister does have BPD, but she was NOT abused in childhood. I seriously take issue with everything being blamed on the parents. I'm so sorry, Mergath, if your childhood was chaotic and/or abusive but my sister's wasn't. The doctors who blame everything on parenting simply have NO CLUE.

Believe it or not, some of us do get a handle on things and become functional, normal people.

QUOTE]

:iagree:

 

Where's the cheerleader smilie?

 

And, since Mergath has shared her heart...I am BPD also. I have to admit I was quite stunned when the first response regarding BPD went up; it's almost like someone knew what I was trying to ask without really asking it. And now I am wondering how many people are going to choose to ignore me here at TWTM.:confused:

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:You've got a lot of friends here, friend!!! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[leeannpal]

Well, to be honest, I am one of those people. But then again, I don't have any friends IRL. So... Maybe I should add my dx labels on my sig line? :001_huh:

 

I have dealt with depression issues for most of my life, and I'm quite sure at least a few people would find some of my quirks "slightly neurotic":D

 

Night Elf, I would love to have more friends, and I am in Georgia too.

[Abbeygirlsouth]

... is that you can't [always]expect this to be an 'equal' friendship. That person might not be there for you when you need them, might not put in as much in the relationship, not from lack of desire but from lack of ability.

 

I think as long as you go into it with the right understanding, absolutely!

 

I completely agree with this. I have a great friend who has bipolar disorder. She has done amazingly well on medication, and I am just aware that she is fragile in that she can not handle stressful situations well, so I just don't share my problems with her....but she is there for me in more practical ways.

[Mergath]

well I can tell you for sure that my sister does have BPD, but she was NOT abused in childhood. I seriously take issue with everything being blamed on the parents. I'm so sorry, Mergath, if your childhood was chaotic and/or abusive but my sister's wasn't. The doctors who blame everything on parenting simply have NO CLUE.

 

I don't think every case of BPD is caused by abuse, but I do think many are. There are a lot of characteristics of someone with BPD, such as black and white thinking, that help one to survive in an abusive situation (and then royally screw you up once you hit adulthood, lol). There's a huge biological component, too. Not everyone in an abusive situation will develop BPD, and not everyone with BPD was abused.

[Night Elf]

:grouphug:

You come over here and visit me and I'll be your friend.

 

:iagree: Night Elf, I've often thought you'd be a wonderful person to sit down and chat with and get to know better. Hope that doesn't sound stalkerish.

 

You guys rock! That's why I love this board. It's easier to be more "normal" online because I have time to think about what I'm reading and writing. I get adult conversation from the ladies at work and at school, though it isn't what I would call "friend" talk. Still, it's enough IRL and that added to this board keeps me from feeling lonely. Especially because I come here knowing there are others who have similar issues. This board makes my world broader, you know? :)

[Joanne]

For pedophelia, total non relationship.:glare:

 

For NPD, as distant a relationship as possible.

 

For Anti-Social - as distant as possible.

 

For Conduct disorder in kids: As distant as possible, limiting my kids from relationship with individual.

 

For most others? It doesn't depend on the diagnosis, but the constellation of symptoms and how those symptoms play out in the context of our relationship. I've never come across a depressed person I'd not pursue friendship, if friendship is a natural progression for me and this person anyway.

[Night Elf]

You have a friend here, Beth. You are not a label. You are just you and a very wonderful you. :grouphug:

 

Thanks Nakia! You and I have talked much. Regarding this thread, I understand the OP is just wondering about friendships. I can relate. I truly do believe my personality has alot to do with me not holding friendships. I know I come across weird sometimes. Sometimes when I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm usually telling myself in my head to "shut up, don't speak right now, it's her/his turn, you don't need to come out with a personal story to match hers/his, etc." And yet things pop out of my mouth. I always walk away from conversations feeling like a dumb*ss.

 

It's really hard to make new friends because I'm sure they get turned off by my so-called quirkiness. Unfortunately, it's who I am. I totally understand they have their own feelings. It's just I reached my maximum number of friendly rejections so I really don't try anymore. It's just not worth it.

[Night Elf]

I have dealt with depression issues for most of my life, and I'm quite sure at least a few people would find some of my quirks "slightly neurotic":D

 

Night Elf, I would love to have more friends, and I am in Georgia too.

 

I like that term, "slightly neurotic"! :tongue_smilie:

 

Yay, another GA homeschooler! I'm in Forsyth Co., feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Thanks Nakia! You and I have talked much. Regarding this thread, I understand the OP is just wondering about friendships. I can relate. I truly do believe my personality has alot to do with me not holding friendships. I know I come across weird sometimes. Sometimes when I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm usually telling myself in my head to "shut up, don't speak right now, it's her/his turn, you don't need to come out with a personal story to match hers/his, etc." And yet things pop out of my mouth. I always walk away from conversations feeling like a dumb*ss.

Get outta my head, Night Elf!!!!:D

It's really hard to make new friends because I'm sure they get turned off by my so-called quirkiness. Unfortunately, it's who I am. I totally understand they have their own feelings. It's just I reached my maximum number of friendly rejections so I really don't try anymore. It's just not worth it.

 

:grouphug:

[Nakia]

Thanks Nakia! You and I have talked much. Regarding this thread, I understand the OP is just wondering about friendships. I can relate. I truly do believe my personality has alot to do with me not holding friendships. I know I come across weird sometimes. Sometimes when I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm usually telling myself in my head to "shut up, don't speak right now, it's her/his turn, you don't need to come out with a personal story to match hers/his, etc." And yet things pop out of my mouth. I always walk away from conversations feeling like a dumb*ss.

 

It's really hard to make new friends because I'm sure they get turned off by my so-called quirkiness. Unfortunately, it's who I am. I totally understand they have their own feelings. It's just I reached my maximum number of friendly rejections so I really don't try anymore. It's just not worth it.

 

I have so been there. Every day pretty much. I just got off the phone with my bff, and at the end of the conversation I realized I had talked the ENTIRE time. I had to apologize for being so rude. :(

[Rosie_0801]

And, since Mergath has shared her heart...I am BPD also. I have to admit I was quite stunned when the first response regarding BPD went up; it's almost like someone knew what I was trying to ask without really asking it. And now I am wondering how many people are going to choose to ignore me here at TWTM.:confused:

 

Probably none.

 

There are quite a few posters around here who have had me thinking "Oh shut up already" on a fairly regular basis, but once I've got to know them better, I think, instead, "If I had chocolate, I'd be giving her some" and I also know if I say that on the thread, they'll calm down a bit. Or "Ha ha, she always gets her knickers in a twist on this topic." I think the screens between us reduce mental illness and serious sleep deprivation to personality quirk level.

 

I can tell you that you don't need a mental illness to lack friends. A serious lack of interest in sport and tv shows reduces the available options considerably. I'm ok with that, though :)

 

Rosie

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I can tell you that you don't need a mental illness to lack friends. A serious lack of interest in sport and tv shows reduces the available options considerably. I'm ok with that, though :)

 

Rosie

:D:lol:

 

Here's some chocolate. Sorry it's a little soft. I found it under the couch cushion while I was looking for my misplaced car keys.

[Mynyel]

Honestly? I have no clue.

 

I can't handle goomy, Eeyoreish (not trying to be mean, trying to give an example) type of person. I don't even know what to say to people who are like that. I mean the type where you try to say something nice and they counter it every. time. with something negative. Ugh. I do avoid people like that. Sorry about that, I hate being that way but I don't know what else to do.

 

My sister has depression issues and I can't always handle her (although that could be because she is my sister I am able to roll my eyes at her, a "stranger" though would be different). I tell her to suck it up and get over it. Yup I have told her that. Usually it is what it takes for her to snap out of an "episode". See, I can't talk about her... I roll my eyes while typing :) Although I love her and she loves me to pieces... I don't really know why either... *shrug* anyway....

 

Again, I guess it would depend on what exactly is meant my mental illness. Scanning (sorry gals!) the other posts I know someone who is BP as well and I get along with her OK. We don't share the same interests but I wouldn't avoid her on purpose.

 

So there is my answer, depends. I would have to assess the situation for myself to say for sure!

 

Lordy I think I made a mess of this post!

[parias1126]

I'm sorry. No one is condemning YOU. Those of us who have had traumatic experiences are just being honest about how hard it was and whether or not we would consciously choose to do it again.

I was one of the people that stated I couldn't do it again by befriending someone with BPD. I, too, have had a traumatic experience with it. I wasn't intending what I said in my post to anyone in particular, but really to this one experience I have had. After everything I went through, I would just be very cautious. But how many of us have friends that may have a disorder or even new acquaintances at church, homeschool groups, or any group of friends in another scenario that may have a disorder that we may not even know about. It's not like someone introduces themselves and says, "Hi! My name is _____. It's very nice to meet you. I have Borderline Personality Disorder."

[Rosie_0801]

:D:lol:

 

Here's some chocolate. Sorry it's a little soft. I found it under the couch cushion while I was looking for my misplaced car keys.

 

*gobble gobble* There's some chocolate that won't be lurking in your couch again.

 

 

:lol:

Rosie

[ocelotmom]

I can tell you that you don't need a mental illness to lack friends. A serious lack of interest in sport and tv shows reduces the available options considerably. I'm ok with that, though :)

 

You're welcome to come hang out with me anytime! Even my friends who claim not to watch TV still end up talking about TV shows regularly.

[elizabeth]

I have borderline personality disorder. Thanks a lot, everyone. Seems I need a ten foot pole tag on my sig, then? :glare:

 

I am sorry. I have had to deal with both in my personal life and should not have brought that background here to dump on people with a glib statement. I really have a talent for putting my foot in my mouth and regret doing so again. Please know that it reflects on me a as a person for making a blanket statement without thinking about the ramifications on others who have every right not to be judged by a label.

[mcconnellboys]

I have read that more than 25% of American adults, age 18 and over, suffer from a diagnosable mental illness of some sort every year. Limiting friendships based on this would cut your potential friends by up to a quarter. I'm not sure that I'd feel it necessary to avoid someone based on something as commonplace as depression. Serious mental illness impacts a much lower percentage of people (and I'm not sure I'd feel the need to avoid them, either, unless they caused major difficulties in my life, threatened me in some way, etc.)

 

Almost 20% of Americans may exhibit one or more of the anxiety disorders at any given time. I've seen speculation that perhaps as much as 60-70% of Americans may actually have at least some obsessive and/or compulsive tendencies. What's "normal"? I'm not sure that it's possible to screen people thoroughly (or accurately) prior to getting to know them in order to weed out those who might have some form of mentally related difficulty....

[Julie Smith]

Slighty off topic, but since some people are making such statements.... I have been diagnosed as mpd, before it was changed to did.

[Mergath]

I am sorry. I have had to deal with both in my personal life and should not have brought that background here to dump on people with a glib statement. I really have a talent for putting my foot in my mouth and regret doing so again. Please know that it reflects on me a as a person for making a blanket statement without thinking about the ramifications on others who have every right not to be judged by a label.

 

:grouphug: I sent you a pm. It's okay, don't worry about it. I put my foot in my mouth ten times, minimum, whenever I'm here. :tongue_smilie:

[AvasMom]

Thanks Nakia! You and I have talked much. Regarding this thread, I understand the OP is just wondering about friendships. I can relate. I truly do believe my personality has alot to do with me not holding friendships. I know I come across weird sometimes. Sometimes when I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm usually telling myself in my head to "shut up, don't speak right now, it's her/his turn, you don't need to come out with a personal story to match hers/his, etc." And yet things pop out of my mouth. I always walk away from conversations feeling like a dumb*ss.

 

It's really hard to make new friends because I'm sure they get turned off by my so-called quirkiness. Unfortunately, it's who I am. I totally understand they have their own feelings. It's just I reached my maximum number of friendly rejections so I really don't try anymore. It's just not worth it.

 

I have so been there. Every day pretty much. I just got off the phone with my bff, and at the end of the conversation I realized I had talked the ENTIRE time. I had to apologize for being so rude. :(

 

Anyone else reading this and thinking "Uh...I do that."??

[elegantlion]

Thanks Nakia! You and I have talked much. Regarding this thread, I understand the OP is just wondering about friendships. I can relate. I truly do believe my personality has alot to do with me not holding friendships. I know I come across weird sometimes. Sometimes when I'm having a conversation with someone, I'm usually telling myself in my head to "shut up, don't speak right now, it's her/his turn, you don't need to come out with a personal story to match hers/his, etc." And yet things pop out of my mouth. I always walk away from conversations feeling like a dumb*ss.

 

It's really hard to make new friends because I'm sure they get turned off by my so-called quirkiness. Unfortunately, it's who I am. I totally understand they have their own feelings. It's just I reached my maximum number of friendly rejections so I really don't try anymore. It's just not worth it.

 

Anyone else reading this and thinking "Uh...I do that."??

 

Yup. I second guess most of what I say IRL. I attribute some of this to reading too many teen magazines as a child. :D Seriously, articles like how to relate to your bff (I don't think bff was a phrase in the 80s), How to talk so everyone will like you, becoming popular in ten days or less. Stuff like that messes with your head.

[Night Elf]

Yup. I second guess most of what I say IRL. I attribute some of this to reading too many teen magazines as a child. :D

 

:lol: You said that out loud!

 

(I don't think bff was a phrase in the 80s)

 

We used BFA for Best Friends Always. It's all in my scrapbook. :tongue_smilie:

[Jennifer3141]

Hmmm... my two closest and oldest friends have both been diagnosed with anxiety and depression in their lives. I never once thought about dumping them. I did have to "tough love" one friend when the crazy started getting a little out of control and our friendship faltered there for awhile. But it's back and it's stronger.

 

I wouldn't dump a friend for cancer so why would I do it for a mental illness??

 

I prefer "quirky" people. At least people with a DX have done some work on themselves!!! Give me that over say, an undiagnosed narcissist any day. :D

Edited April 12, 2011 by Jennifer3141

[jewellsmommy]

Would you friend someone you knew was mentally ill?

 

I am not talking about deeply rooted psychoses but someone who exhibited slightly neurotic tendencies and suffered from depression.

 

 

I have not read others' replies, but here is mine.

 

I have/do. I won't sugar coat it, it's not the easiest friendship to maintain.

I have a friend who suffers from depression and that is not particularly difficult, no more than any other friend, kwim. The "hard one" was a woman who was manic-depressive in our women's bible study group. I befriended her (she has since moved) and it was emotionally taxing at times. My dh's mother is also this way. It just depends on the problem.

 

 

ETA: now that I have read the replies, I do not really consider depression or anxiety as mental illness. I would not generally refuse a friendship based on diagnosis alone (unless we're talking dangerous serial killer level stuff). It would vary person by person, and even then, not all friendships are the same. Ds has issues, serious issues that are still yet to be diagnosed, but the history of abuse and abandonment are there :( He is already too much to handle for some kids, but I can understand that. There is no rule that we have to be best buds with everyone. But, I believe that we should be decent to everyone. I know,though, that goes without saying, as all ya'll are some real fine ladies :).

Edited April 12, 2011 by jewellsmommy

[sparrow]

I have borderline personality disorder. Thanks a lot, everyone. Seems I need a ten foot pole tag on my sig, then? :glare:

 

Believe it or not, some of us do get a handle on things and become functional, normal people.

QUOTE]

:iagree:

 

Where's the cheerleader smilie?

 

And, since Mergath has shared her heart...I am BPD also. I have to admit I was quite stunned when the first response regarding BPD went up; it's almost like someone knew what I was trying to ask without really asking it. And now I am wondering how many people are going to choose to ignore me here at TWTM.:confused:

 

Same here although I don't much care if anybody ignores me. :D I hate, hate, hate the stereotypes involved with BPD. Not all are impossible to deal with.

 

:grouphug: One of my closest friends has BPD. I answered "Absolutely" in response to the OP and I was answering in reference to her.

 

We have known each other since grade school, but didn't become close friends until high school. Twenty-five years later, we've made it through, somehow. She has lived all over the US. We've lost touch. We've found each other. We've been back in touch now for over 10 years. She speaks to no one else in her family. My parents are friends with her parents. Occasionally, she will ask how they are. Her siblings don't speak to her and one sister has tried to have her institutionalized.

 

Why are we friends? Because it is not an effort for me to laugh with her and say what a pair she and my mom would be now that my mom is experiencing hallucinations due to her Parkinson's disease meds and my friend is having flashbacks and dissociation. Sometimes, I'm the wrong person for people. I say stupid things. I try to be funny. She loves it and needs it from me and that is why we are friends.

 

I won't ignore any of you.

[KidsHappen]

I am not really a friends kind of person due to my own personal mental illness but I think that if I was open to forming friendships I would be more inclined to be friends with someone else who was also dealing with mental illness. I would feel like we had more in common and could relate to each other more. Many of the people on this board that I feel a certain kindredness with are others that have some of the same issues that I have, be they life circumstances kind of issues or mental illness kinds of issues. I feel a greater connection with these people. On the other hand, I know I am a crochety kind of person and I don't expect others to want to deal with my weirdness. :001_smile:

[asta]

well I can tell you for sure that my sister does have BPD, but she was NOT abused in childhood. I seriously take issue with everything being blamed on the parents. I'm so sorry, Mergath, if your childhood was chaotic and/or abusive but my sister's wasn't. The doctors who blame everything on parenting simply have NO CLUE.

 

It isn't about parents per se; it is about trauma. Every human being, every brain, is differently wired.

 

For one person, it could be being ignored/excluded by those around them because they have a personality that craved attention; for another, it could be an abusive personal relationship (not just a boyfriend or girlfriend - it could be someone who should be supportive, like a coach, but whose "support" is actually abusive, etc.) - remember: we're talking about a FRACTURE in a person's personality - someone has made a crack in something that *should* be solid.

 

Now think of the pressure it takes to make a crack in something that isn't delicate: a "normal" person isn't delicate. It takes a real @sshole to crack a human being.

 

 

a

 

 

ps: and this is where it becomes a fuzzy line, and where the term "borderline" came from: a person on the 'borderline of psychosis' (a very old term from before things were separated out in the newer DSMs). Obviously, everyone is born with their own, individual personality. So, in that sense, it is "biological". And if that personality is fractured, the pathology is titled "borderline personality disorder".

 

This is considered different from bipolar (affective) disorder in that BPAD is seen as a chemistry issue: that the brain is either lacking, creating excess, or mis-routing a market basket of chemicals needed for proper functioning.

 

BPAD and BPD are often co-morbid. As are many other disorders: BPAD and anxiety, for example. Or BPD and PTSD. Autism, however, is not considered a mental illness, but rather a series of developmental issues. (Anxiety is often co-morbid with it, however.)

 

That probably muddied things up considerably. But it explains why BPADs can often find total relief with medications while BPDs usually cannot. And why BPDs can, with dedication to work through things via therapy, "heal" (sometimes with a smidge of certain medications to soften the rougher spots while in therapy), while therapy can only be a "part of the puzzle" for BPADs, but never a panacea.

 

 

asta

[StephanieZ]

Some of my favorite people have a few screws loose. Genuis and mental stability rarely occur together.

 

Seriously Dangerous (to self or others), nope, I don't go there.

 

But, moody? Depressive? Eccentric? Sure, no problem.

 

That said, there is a BIG difference btw friends and dating/marrying. BIG. I wouldn't hitch my horse to someone who was unhappy more than not, or whose eccentricities were just going to make life HARDer for everyone. For life partners, I like smooth and easy and happy and reliable. Those things would be hard to come by with significant mental illness.

[Carol in Cal.]

I will add that my dd16 has depression. She is on medication and doing much better than she was before, but it is still a struggle for her. Things that would be minor irritants to others tend to send her into a downward spiral that is hard to climb out of. Everyone in our family lives with the fall-out of her depression every day, and we often feel that we have to walk on egg-shells around her to avoid sending her into one of her moods.

 

It's exhausting.

 

 

 

Regarding the spiraling thing, have you seen the book, "Undoing Depression?" It talks a lot about mental prevention of getting into that spiral. I have a family member with severe depression problems and NPD, and the book seemed credible to me based on my observations of her over the years.

[kdeno]

I think mental health is like a spectrum, we all have "stuff".

[swellmomma]

Would you friend someone you knew was mentally ill?

 

I am not talking about deeply rooted psychoses but someone who exhibited slightly neurotic tendencies and suffered from depression.

 

I would but then again I am one of those people. I simply would set personal boundaries to ensure the person wasn't bringing me down. For example, my depression is seasonal in nature, and I am aware of it and deal but if I found that the person was making me feel depressed all the time I would know that it was not a healthy friendship for me kwim

[Perry]

Yes, with one exception. If I knew someone had Borderline Personality Disorder, I would keep my distance.

I have borderline personality disorder. Thanks a lot, everyone. Seems I need a ten foot pole tag on my sig, then? :glare:

Believe it or not, some of us do get a handle on things and become functional, normal people.

 

Also, I've read in several places that BPD is quite likely the result of childhood abuse. I'm inclined to agree. So if you want to talk about traumatic experiences...

 

First, Mergath, you know I ♥ you, and I'm sorry to have hurt your feelings. I should have said that I would keep my (emotional) distance from someone with untreated, unrecognized, or unacknowledged BPD. As long as someone has some insight into it, there would be no problem for me.

 

There is an abundance of mental illness, substance abuse, personality, and mood disorders in my family and among my friends. I have several of my own diagnoses :blushing: so my hesitancy is coming from experience rather than any kind of stigma or prejudice. I was abused as a child too, and one of the ways I cope as an adult is to avoid drama and dysfunction as much as possible. Unfortunately, the borderlines in my life were NOT interested in considering that they were the ones with the problem, and the disruption and destruction they caused make me very wary. I realize that that is because of my own shortcomings, and I'm sorry for that.

 

(BTW, I could only access the internet by phone for the last 4 days, and I can't type more than a few words on the thing without my head exploding. Not trying to resurrect an old thread.)