A Public School Teacher Confronted Me

[KnitWit]

Hi Jean,

 

I am sorry if my story offended you, or NightElf. :grouphug:

 

I wouldn't necessarily say my dd is *gifted*, she worked her butt off. To apologize for her accomplishment would feel like I was cheapening or invalidating her hard work and long hours. The context in which I shared was NOT to brag or make anyone feel bad...at all. It *is* a fact of my life and I was just glad that, even though I wanted to run from the room and throw up, I somehow had the presence of mind to state the facts. My point was NOT what my dd did, but that HOMESCHOOLING wasn't RUINING ANYONE. :) And, the same would hold true if she didn't earn what she did...but that would not have put this woman at a loss for words either, so, I'm glad it was me and that I had the story I did. She needed to hear it.

 

I have a number of children and I don't expect for one moment that they will all be alike.

 

I would never purposefully offend anyone.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Hi Jean,

 

I am sorry if my story offended you, or NightElf. :grouphug:

 

I wouldn't necessarily say my dd is *gifted*, she worked her butt off. To apologize for her accomplishment would feel like I was cheapening or invalidating her hard work and long hours. The context in which I shared was NOT to brag or make anyone feel bad...at all. It *is* a fact of my life and I was just glad that, even though I wanted to run from the room and throw up, I somehow had the presence of mind to state the facts. My point was NOT what my dd did, but that HOMESCHOOLING wasn't RUINING ANYONE. :) And, the same would hold true if she didn't earn what she did...but that would not have put this woman at a loss for words either, so, I'm glad it was me and that I had the story I did. She needed to hear it.

 

I have a number of children and I don't expect for one moment that they will all be alike.

 

I would never purposefully offend anyone.

 

Polly, neither you nor CAMom offended me. I thought what you both shared was funny and appropriate in your situations, actually. But not everyone can share in the same way. I was putting a hand out to those who couldn't. It wasn't meant to rebuke those who could.

[Mynyel]

I haven't read all the replies but the rebel in me would bring something educational to every. single. game. (and practice)!

 

:D

[KnitWit]

Polly, neither you nor CAMom offended me. I thought what you both shared was funny and appropriate in your situations, actually. But not everyone can share in the same way. I was putting a hand out to those who couldn't. It wasn't meant to rebuke those who could.

 

Glad to know this! :)

[Night Elf]

Polly, neither you nor CAMom offended me. I thought what you both shared was funny and appropriate in your situations, actually. But not everyone can share in the same way. I was putting a hand out to those who couldn't. It wasn't meant to rebuke those who could.

 

:iagree: I wasn't offended, just a little jealous. In the homeschooling world, one of the reasons someone might homeschool is to provide a superior education than the public schools provide. In fact, not too long ago, someone on this board made that generalization about all homeschoolers. I was in a bad mood and decided not to challenge it, because frankly, that isn't why I homeschool at all. When someone here posts about being judged for homeschooling, they'll get responses about how much better off their children will be than the person who hurt their feelings.

 

I didn't think Jean's response was inappropriate. We're talking about ways to respond to people who seem judgemental and of course it would be fun to throw out a 'my kid is extremely intelligent because look at everything he has done' type of comment. That obviously shows homeschooling really works. But when someone like me has to answer that judgemental accusation, I don't have a great story to prove homeschooling works. While they are special in my eyes, of course, my children do not stand out from the crowd. So basically, I have no snappy comeback that would put homeschooling in a bright light. I think it's nice to put out a reminder that not everyone has a child in the upper 5% of the academic world. That isn't the point of homeschooling for everyone. And when it's assumed it is, which I don't believe either great story on this thread falls into this category, but when it's assumed that homeschooling is to produce these superior children, it makes those of us lower on the percentage scale feel like failures. Which is why I really dislike being in the position that the OP was in. My answer wouldn't be elegant or superior. My answer would likely bolster that woman's opinion that homeschooling is bad because my answer would be weak. When someone asks, I tell them it's fun and I like being with my children. That comes across as selfish on my part and that I'm ruining my children because I won't let them grow up properly. But I really don't have any other answer to why I homeschool.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I said it because I've seen many parents of kids with special needs or with learning difficulties be disheartened when it is automatically assumed that all homeschooling kids are gifted. If your child is gifted and/or gets awards that is truly wonderful and fine to share even if the intent is to take someone like that down a peg or two. But if you couldn't share in that way, it's not like you've failed in homeschooling. Look at NightElf's post to see how some people feel when that becomes the predominant response to those sorts of questions.

 

In the interest of full disclosure, I have one highly gifted child and one who has learning difficulties. I've been on both end of the spectrum. I'm the same homeschooling mom/teacher to both.

 

I once read a caution about too frequently linking homeschooling and high profile sucess stories. The gist of it was that while it was great that some homeschoolers had incredible sucess stories and possible that a majority of homeschoolers not only thrived at home, but did better than they might have in the brick and mortar schools that were available to them; the legitimacy of homeschooling shouldn't rest on these stories. Homeschooling should be protected as an option because it is right that parents retain the authority to make the educational choices for their kids. Even if the outcomes were only average, this right would still be worth protecting.

 

If you rely on Spelling Bee champions or Ivy League acceptance rates or 16 year old college grads as a justification, what happens when your kid isn't performing at that level, but you still see that homeschooling is the best choice? Rejoice in the sucess stories, but don't rely on them.

 

Or to paraphrase a tag I saw from an old board member, "I believe in homeschooling because I don't think that human beings should be mass produced."

[Tammyla]

Don't let her keep you from using your time as you choose. Bring your reading material and highlight away. She wasn't curious or trying to be helpful, and I wouldn't want her to feel she wins by changing my/your behavior.

 

Living well, is the best revenge. Not that you need revenge, just the freedom to use your time as you choose. kwim;)

[Lizzie in Ma]

Yeah. I said, sinking to his level quite beautifully, "Because I'm ****in' good at it." The f-bomb is very effective in shutting people up.

If I had to deal with that woman on a regular basis, I would make, "It's not about you" my mantra. First word out of her mouth, "It's not about you." What a jerk.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[CAMom]

I appreciate hearing the other side of the coin.

 

I will be very careful in the future about talking about my son's position after homeschooling. It was probably in spite of me not because of me anyway.;)

 

I am really sorry for making anyone uncomfortable in any way.:grouphug:

[Halftime Hope]

When someone asks, I tell them it's fun and I like being with my children. That comes across as selfish on my part and that I'm ruining my children because I won't let them grow up properly. But I really don't have any other answer to why I homeschool.

 

I agree with the reasons you just mentioned, as well as the academic ones (I have two students who did very well academically and one who will be an average student), but the essence of our homeschooing journey is that it allows us the freeedom to do what we really want to do and to *love* learning. Who could argue with that?

 

What has homeschooling allowed you and your dd to do that she couldn't have done otherwise? Could that be a selling point? Academics aren't necessarily for everyone, and most reasonably intelligent adults can pick up and rejoin the academic world if they want or need to later on. Sometimes the *real* world is a much better fit for the whole person than the institutional one, b/c--let's not kid ourselves--public high schools are more often about the institution than about learning if you are a run-of-the-mill kid....at least around here. (The population of kids that make the honors tracks have a much better chance of learning something, ime.)

[Remudamom]

Gah. I might have told her I bring reading material to avoid talking to rude ******* like her???

[Tiberia]

You did a great job!

 

I would have probably engaged her in a deep grammar discussion about whether she should have said, "You are better than I" rather than "You are better than me."

 

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/than-I-versus-than-me.aspx

 

But you were much more gracious. Ignore her. Her behavior will put people off more than any defense you can make.

[TXMary2]

You did a great job!

 

I would have probably engaged her in a deep grammar discussion about whether she should have said, "You are better than I" rather than "You are better than me."

 

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/than-I-versus-than-me.aspx

 

But you were much more gracious. Ignore her. Her behavior will put people off more than any defense you can make.

 

Hehee. It's interesting, and I really am not trying to generalize here........ but the other teacher that is sometimes in attendance (because her dh is one of the assistant coaches) recently made a comment about how I am always reading and how she almost never reads. I would think teachers love to read and would be thrilled to see others reading. :tongue_smilie:

[scrapbookbuzz]

You did a wonderful job in your response to her! It sounded like she was more mad at herself but transferred that anger to you. Don't feel hesitant to take books or whatnot to fill in the time before the games. And as long as you continue to respond with a gentle answer, it wouldn't surprise me if, by the end of the season, she comes around and asks you more about homeschooling, and in a much gentler tone!

[Sugarfoot]

I think you did fine. These stories always make me wonder, though, what it is about me that makes people never confront me about homeschooling, even when sometimes I can see that they want to?:confused:

[lionfamily1999]

:tongue_smilie: That would be too funny.

The more TXMary writes about this lady, the more I think it'd be appropriate too :lol:

The Han Solo reply is better: "I know." :lol:

:iagree:

 

Hehee. It's interesting, and I really am not trying to generalize here........ but the other teacher that is sometimes in attendance (because her dh is one of the assistant coaches) recently made a comment about how I am always reading and how she almost never reads. I would think teachers love to read and would be thrilled to see others reading. :tongue_smilie:

Wow, she's a great rep for your local skool sisstem. You can tell her I said that too (teehee).

[arghmatey]

I think you handled it well. My meanie meter goes way up when people even ask me about it, but my usual response is "I do not discuss my parenting decisions with others. Thanks for understanding." Then I go back to what I was doing.

 

If they are sincerely interested, and I think we can usually tell, I will have a discussion with someone.

 

People rarely question me in real life about things such as this. We talk with almost everyone we see, but I don't get a lot of interrogation.

[Tangerine]

I think you did fine. These stories always make me wonder, though, what it is about me that makes people never confront me about homeschooling, even when sometimes I can see that they want to?:confused:

 

I'm pretty sure I give off that vibe as well.

[TXMary2]

I think you did fine. These stories always make me wonder, though, what it is about me that makes people never confront me about homeschooling, even when sometimes I can see that they want to?:confused:

 

Well, everytime someone says something to me I wonder if I have a tatoo on my forehead or something that draws them to ask me stuff! I just realized though, it probably is because I do almost always have a book, catalog or binder with me!

[RobinF]

:blushing: Yeah, my self-esteem plummeted when I read that. When I pulled my dd18 out of public high school, her dad and stepmom told me I would ruin her life. This is the same dd that has not, and may never, officially graduate. She has no interest in going to college. She's enjoying working full time. She gets compliments all the time about what a mature teenager she is and she is one of the most responsible people I've know regardless of age. But people get hung up on the one fact that she may not have an actual diploma to exhibit. I'll admit I feel quite guilty about it, like maybe I should have insisted she stay in public school since she only had 2 more years to go. But I am really proud of her. It's just that one spot that is quite sore. :(

 

We are not the poster homeschool family. My answer would have been meek and weak.

 

You know my classic answer fits no matter the child's educational bent. "This is the best solution for our family." Said with a smile and definitively. Argue all you want but this is best for my family and you know what no one else can make that decision. :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

Or to paraphrase a tag I saw from an old board member, "I believe in homeschooling because I don't think that human beings should be mass produced."

 

Oh, that needs to be added to my sig line...

[Desert Strawberry]

My favorite response to the "Why?" question is a cheerful "Because I want to and I can." If they have actual questions beyond that, I will happily answer. If they are just being a nosy bugger, then they will usually shut up. I think they often expect a rant about how terrible the public schools are, or something, but I don't really care about the public schools. I've wanted to homeschool since I was 14. And now, I can. So I do. The end.

[Alphabetika]

Yes, stare at her, then cock your head sideways...like Scooby-Doo when he says "Huh?"

 

:iagree:Perfect!~ Baroo?

[OnTheBrink]

Gah. I might have told her I bring reading material to avoid talking to rude ******* like her???

 

Have I told you lately that I love you? You always make me LOL!

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I am NOT reading through 13 pages of replies, but all I have to say is- she wonders why you don't have your dc in a school with teachers like HER???

 

 

Just kill her with kindness and show her how kind and SOCIABLE homeschoolers are :D

[MilkMaid]

When I had to have a meeting @ ps teachers & principal over my dd (problems with HOURS of homework every night.) I made the comment that my dh & I were seriously considering hsing. One comment from a teacher was "You think homworl is hard, there's no way you want a taste of homeschool!"

As you would imagine it ran all thru me. The next week we pulled both dds out to hs.

The 'work' is so much better for them & me. WE LOVE IT!

 

Shew, some people's children. LOL

[lionfamily1999]

When I had to have a meeting @ ps teachers & principal over my dd (problems with HOURS of homework every night.) I made the comment that my dh & I were seriously considering hsing. One comment from a teacher was "You think homworl is hard, there's no way you want a taste of homeschool!"

As you would imagine it ran all thru me. The next week we pulled both dds out to hs.

The 'work' is so much better for them & me. WE LOVE IT!

 

Shew, some people's children. LOL

:lol:

[Jean in Wisc]

Most folks, when they say they couldn't homeschool, are referring to being home all day with only their kids to interact with PLUS having to get their own kids to behave themselves enough to get the job done.

 

I think you were handed a compliment even if she didn't show it in speech or body language. IMO, treat it as such. Give her a smile next time you see her.

 

J

[3Blessings]

and I agree that the American educational system, not just the public system, is not effective for many kids. I have experience as a teacher and a counselor (in schools) and though I have always been in private Christian schools, I can see that teaching 20+ kids is not the best way to learn. I actually enjoy the school my children go to currently (we live outside of the U.S.), but I still see so many holes. That's why we will be homeschooling next year. I've already gotten the, "Why would you do that? You're a teacher." I'm new, but I've worked on saying, "Homeschooling isn't for everyone, but it works best for our family" with minimal struggles! You sound like you've got it together!

[Barb_]

and I agree that the American educational system, not just the public system, is not effective for many kids. I have experience as a teacher and a counselor (in schools) and though I have always been in private Christian schools, I can see that teaching 20+ kids is not the best way to learn. I actually enjoy the school my children go to currently (we live outside of the U.S.), but I still see so many holes. That's why we will be homeschooling next year. I've already gotten the, "Why would you do that? You're a teacher." I'm new, but I've worked on saying, "Homeschooling isn't for everyone, but it works best for our family" with minimal struggles! You sound like you've got it together!

 

Congratulations on taking the plunge and welcome to the boards!

 

Barb

[Amy1k]

I've not read all of the responses, but I know a lot of public teachers and communicate with many of them regularly. The vast majority of them do not question my decision to home school my children. As a matter of fact, the one I most recently spoke to (he was my 9th grade public school student's basketball coach) had me about ready to pull my 9th grader out of his school (I only homeschool 1/2 of my four children, I have two in public high schools). He told me that he and his elementary-school-teacher wife are considering home schooling their children when the time comes.