Have you called your children a different name than their birth name or variation of?

[Tap]

We are considering doing a guardianship instead of an adoption for dfd18m. One of the downsides of doing the guardianship, is that we can't legally change her name. We can deal with the last name, even though it is hyphenated and a huge pain in the butt, but we really dislike her first name.

 

We have mainly called her the "baby" since she has been with us. We do use her birth name also, but only about 25% of the time. When we thought we were pursuing an adoption, we had decided to move her birth first name, and use it as her adopted middle name. We would give her a new first name, and our last name. The baby is my great niece so we don't want to get rid of the birth-first-name all together because of the family relationship. We are related on our maternal side so my niece (the baby's bio mom) and I have different last names due to marriage.

 

Now that we are moving forward on the guardianship, we will not be able to change her name legally. We are considering changing it only within the household. I know it will cause a little confusion, but I don't figure it will be any different than a nickname. When she gets old enough to go to school, she can decide which name she wants to use there.

 

Our 9yo dd chooses to go by 3 distinctly different names, her given name at home, a shortened version by some friends who have difficulty pronouncing her name, and her middle name at church, and it works ok for her :0).

 

I guess I feel different in this case because dfd won't be the one making the decision, and it won't be her legal name. Dd9 is using her real names and a nick name so her situation while similar, is different. I used to work at the school, and I work in pharmacy so I do understand that it will cause some confusion, but I think we can deal with that.

 

There aren't any versions of a nick name that work from her first name that we like and my husband dislikes her middle name more than her first :001_huh:

 

 

Just to clarify and example would be: we would have a child legally named Jennifer, but call her Michelle. The legal and home name would have nothing to do with each other.

 

 

We are hoping that when she is about 10-12 we can adopt her and legally change her name then to the new name.

 

What do you think? Am I totally nuts?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, "Jean" is my middle name and my dd6 goes by her middle name too. We've both learned to respond to our "given names" in the doctor's office! (which is about the only time it matters).

 

I know a couple of people who's family pet name had nothing to do with their real name. My Mom was called "Sweetie" by her family all of her growing up years - not as a term of endearment but as her name. I know another person whose name is Kathryn - her family called her "Carrie".

[Melissa in Australia]

my mum fostered my sisters children for 6 months, she didn't like their names, so gave them nicknames that had no resemblance with their real names, the children are young, 1, 2 and 5. they loved it, and had no problem with both names, they weren't confused at all, and respond to both names. though the 5 year old told me he really has a real name.

MelissaL

[rockermom]

My mom is known by many ppl as "Trixie" and has been since she was a child (her name is Ellen Marie).

 

My old guitarist nicknamed me "Ralph" when I was 16 because he didn't want a "chick bassist" in the band, so he gave me a "dude's" nickname (his words, not mine). It stuck and some ppl still call me Ralph. My mom hates it, but I don't mind.

[CalicoKat]

my grandpa nicknamed all his kids ( my aunts & uncles) and they're still using those names today all the time. In fact I didn't know their real names until I was writing wedding invitations about 15 years ago. :)

 

My Aunt is called Pidge because she was pidgeon toed as a kid. Her real name is Lorraine.

 

One Uncle's name is Toad. I have no idea why. I think it's because my grandad thought he was ugly.

 

One other uncle is Booger.

 

My mom resisted her nickname - Boney

 

They're awful names but they stuck. He used to call me Critter. :) I still am called that by that side of the family.

 

I'm also called Kiki, Zikiki, Kate, and Katie -- never has my legal name been used in real life (Kathryn).

 

So I think using an affectionate nickname or alternate name is perfectly fine.

[Donna]

so he is the 3rd. I never called or knew his Dad by his real name. Everyone called him by his nickname all his life (it was part of his last name and just stuck). Now when people from work call and ask for him by his real name I have to stop myself from telling them there is no one here by that name.

 

My oldest son was nicknamed Newt at birth. He was a preemie and looked a bit like a little amphibian plus it was the name of a great fighter (well, different spelling) and I don't like his real name...only named him that out of duty. The name has stuck and most people don't even know his real name unless they are close family friends. I have never once used his real name when addressing him.

[lynn]

I think this is more common than you mightthink.

 

My fil went by Buzz all his life, Grandpa was known as Bud, my uncle went by Rusty.

 

We call my dd a variation of her middle name a lot but she responds to the different names without an issue.

 

It should not be a problem at all. Would family members object?

[daisychics]

My brother's name is Cecilito but we call him Bob or Bobby? (ask my parents why, cause I don't know -- I should ask them :confused::D) He's 39 and I've never heard anyone call him Cecilito.

[Tracey in TX]

My kids all have nicknames. Some are shortened versions of their given name, while others are completely unrelated (ie Lollipop/Lolly, Princess Two Freckle). They're our terms of endearment. DH decided he disliked DD1's name when she was a week old, so his nickname for her is different from mine. It's pretty funny and confusing when others call her by 'X'.

 

There is nothing wrong with using a different name which you'll eventually change her name to, but will be confusing for certain paperwork. If that isn't a big deal, enjoy naming your new child!

 

Congrats on the upcoming adoption :)

[Jane Elliot]

Our 18yodd is at a school for midwifery in the Philippines. They just delivered a set of surprise twins there, and the mama named them Sweetie and Cutie (for real, those are the real names on the birth certificates.) Dd blogged about it here: http://siblingsunited.blogspot.com/2008/04/twins-sweetie-and-cutie.html

 

Luann

mom of 12

[Jane Elliot]

I really think it would be fine. We did something like this for our 19yodd, Jordan Elisabeth. When she was about 9yo she ended up on a swim team with three other Jordans, all boys. She hated it. We ended up changing her name to Beth for years. Later we moved to Brazil. The 'th' sound is nonexistent in Portuguese. They usually substitute the 'ch' sound for it. She ended up getting called Betch all the time, which is, of course, a little too close to . . . another word. We switched back to Jordan, and now she really likes her name. But, there are people in the world who still only know her as "Beth".

 

Best wishes,

Luann

mom of 12

[Kelli in TN]

My ten year old goes by her middle name. We actually wanted her middle name to be her first name, but no matter how many combinations we tried we could not make it sound right with any middle name and our last name. So we made it her middle name legally, but we have called her by it since birth.

[Mama Lynx]

My FIL goes by Jim, and always has. His name is not Jim - neither his first nor his middle.

 

My brother has always gone by his middle name. If we had had a daughter, we'd have given her the first name Sarah, but we would have called her by her middle name.

 

It'll work :)

[PrairieAir]

Well, dh's step grandma was known as Buffy to everyone though her real name was Earline. His grandfather is known to everyone as Buddy though his real name is Edward. I think he started going by this nickname when he was just a little boy and has always used it. My grandmother always went by Jerry with a J though her name was Geraldine. My grandfather's name was Naron Alton, but I guess he didn't have a problem with that since he always went by Naron. My three younger kids all go by shortened versions of their first names as do I and sometimes dh. I've known quite a few people who go by their middle names. A friend's father has always gone by Butch though his real name (I can't remember it) in no way resembles that.

 

What I'd like to know is how "Jack" became a nickname for John Kennedy. It's certainly not short for John. This is one of those things that has troubled me for a long time and recently my son asked me this too.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Jack is an accepted nickname for John. My dad's nickname is Jack (his real name is John).

 

It is kind of like how Chuck is a nickname of Charles. Other than the first letters nothing else is the same!

[Beth in OH]

My dd Meredith did a two week mission stay in Guatemala last summer--same problem with the "th". She began calling herself Maria Edit (I'm not sure of the spelling) because it was the closest thing and didn't embarrass anyone who couldn't pronounce her real name.

 

Beth (who would NOT want to be called Be"ch", either!)

[Aubrey]

I have no experience w/ foster care, adoption, or people being called by alternate names. Middle names? Sure. Nicknames based on legal names? Yes. Grandparent names? Yes, again.

 

But completely changing a child's name because you don't like the legal name...I haven't heard of that. And I don't know what I'd do in your situation, because I can imagine some truly awful names.

 

Otoh, I'd be concerned about the child's self-image. What if for some reason you don't or can't adopt? He or she will *know* that the name they've got is unpleasant or unacceptable to some. That seems like dangerous ground w/ a child whose identity will already be shaken by the circumstances surrounding his guardianship.

 

And even if you *do* adopt...I guess...I'm afraid drastic things like name-changes could feel like a kind of rejection. Now, I realize this child is young, & many other people on the boards have had experiences w/ this that seem neutral or positive, but...it makes me uncomfortable. For the child, I mean. I guess I'd say to go forward carefully, although I'm sure you will.

 

Hmm...you could also be saving the child some heartache, too, though, if the name is really that bad.... Really, I just wanted to say that it's good that you're thinking about it, & I think it is a difficult decision. Since all of your responses were on one side, I thought it might help to hear the other side, kwim?

 

Good luck w/ your decision & w/ the enormous job you have in front of you.

[Crissy]

My husband has always been known by a name whose only resemblance to his legal name is the first letter.

 

His mother was pregnant with twins in 1953, but she though she just had one very busy single on the way. She constantly referred to the baby using the name of one of her best friends, a perky girl who never slowed down.

 

When the babies were born, my husband arrived first and the friend's name stuck with him.

[PariSarah]

They wanted to name my g'mom Genevieve, but they didn't know how to spell it. So they put Jenny on the birth certificate. But she didn't look anything like a Jenny (much less a Genevieve), so they called her Jackie.

 

Her younger sister was named Helen, but they call her Lou, because she looks like a Lou. They call Barbara Dolly.

 

Catherine, at least, has a proper nickname--they call her Reenie. And there's another one named Faye, but I've never learned whether that's a nickname or her given name.

[Crissy]

They wanted to name my g'mom Genevieve, but they didn't know how to spell it. So they put Jenny on the birth certificate. But she didn't look anything like a Jenny (much less a Genevieve), so they called her Jackie.

 

Her younger sister was named Helen, but they call her Lou, because she looks like a Lou. They call Barbara Dolly.

 

Catherine, at least, has a proper nickname--they call her Reenie. And there's another one named Faye, but I've never learned whether that's a nickname or her given name.

 

My grandmother's family is like this.

 

Grace was always called Chuckie. She was heavy as a little girl, and her father called her Chunky. As she slimmed down in her teen years her name was gradually changed to Chuckie, or Chuck.

Betty was called Sis all the days of her life.

Alice has always been known as Tiny because she was so small when she was born.

Tiny's daughter, Dawn, was the first girl after a long stretch of boys and Great Grandpa always called her Miss Priss. Today we still know her as Priss.

[Alenee]

My dd3 was born Molliann Elizabeth. She had to spend a while in the nursery because of problems with the birth. Dh came back at one point saying that everyone was confused about her name. Was she Molly? Molliann? He encouraged me to drop either Ann or Elizabeth. I finally caved so now her bc says Molly Anne... I still call her Molliann Elizabeth though and if you ask any of us, we'll tell you that she's Molly Anne Elizabeth. Dh says we can always go back and change the bc but I just shrug and say, "It doesn't really matter. She'd have to change the spelling now anyway."

 

My mom is Ruth Alene but she's always gone by Alene....

 

I don't think any of it will matter.

[3lilreds in NC]

We call Schmooey "Zacky" instead of Isaac. If you look at him and say Isaac, he has no idea what you're talking about, but if you call him Zacky (or Zacky-doodle), he looks up at you and smiles. :)

 

I call my Emma the Bean, and Abbie is Pants or Squinky. Pants came from calling her Crabby Pants when she was a baby, then Abbie Pants because it sounded similar and we thought it was funny, and eventually it got shortened to Pants. It's a horrible nickname, I know, but she likes it. :D

 

So, yes, you could say we call our kids by things other than their real names. I think it's OK. Dfd will be fine with it - it will only be confusing to people on the outside, and that's no problem as far as I'm concerned!

[Nan in Mass]

If it is something really, really legal, we use his legal name, but the rest of the time we register him using his other name. It's worked fine. The school system has him registered using his legal name, but universally used his other name on all documents without any confusion. It has been amazingly easy to do. If it ever comes up, I just say his real name is blank but we call him blank. People at places like the doctor's office say, "Oh. Which do you want me to put on the form?" I say, blank2, and that is that.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

Well, C. S. Lewis went by Jack.

 

A friend of mine from high school was named Melissa Ann, but took on the nickname Noele when she was five.

 

My cousin's husband is named Wayne Winston ****, Jr, but goes by Mark. The story here is that his mom wanted to name him Mark, but his dad wanted a Jr. This way they both got what they wanted.

 

Oh, and my dad's uncle was named Charles Freeman, but went by George. When he was little he and his buddies would play cops and robbers he always pretended his name was Sheriff George and it stuck.

 

Oh, and my grandfather had a classmate who always forgot to put his name on his papers, so one day the teacher started calling him "Mary." The boy asked why and the teacher told him it was obvious that he didn't have a name so he was giving him one. That boy was known as "Mary" his entire life. :)

[3lilreds in NC]

named Mike and Norman. They have always, for as long as I can remember, been called Bubba and Hoss. Nice, eh? I have no idea who is Mike, who is Norman, who is Bubba and who is Hoss, but I know Mike was named after his dad and Norman after his grandfather. Heh.

[nukeswife]

Not really sure what you should do as in dh's family it's quite common for people to go by their middle name. Almost all of his Uncles go by their middle names. My youngest BIL's name is Todd but everyone calls him Stump or Stumpy. Apparantly he was a big fan of the show Ren and Stimpy so a friend tweaked it to Stumpy and it stuck with him. Even my kids call him Uncle Stump and he loves it.

 

In my family my grandma was a stickler for calling people by their given names. She named my mom Diana Lynn, and always insisted her name was DIANA not DIANE. She to this day hate when people call my mom Diane. We've always called my brother Tommy, because he's a Jr. which is a real pain when people call and you ask Jr. or Sr. and they say "HUH" like they've never heard of that, so we did big or little for a while, which got confussing when my brother got to be bigger than my dad in his teens. I still call him Tommy, although all his friends call him Tom. My dad's mom used to call my brother MeMe because that's what my dad's youngest brother called him when they were really little as he couldn't say Tommy right.

My dad goes by Papa now that I have kids but all his friends call him Smurf because he's only 5'3" and they are all almost 6 feet or over.

 

The real oddball though is my dad's brother. His given name is Robert but he goes by Mel, why you may ask, well he had a rather large oval head when he was younger so my dad started calling him Melon head which was shortened to Mel, and every one calls him that. Even before they died my grandparents (his parents) called him Mel.

 

All that to say it could be confusing but then again sometimes things just "stick" with them and those people are fine with it.

[Mommy22alyns]

Becca's real name is Rebecca. Somewhere along the way, in trying to keep up with a fast-moving little girl, we just started calling her Becca. She's really embodied that name and goes by it 99% of the time. She's used it at preschool almost exclusively, that's what she writes when she writes her name, and I don't think Sylvia has ever once called her Rebecca. She'll answer to Rebecca without blinking an eye, but hardly anyone really calls her that.

 

Sylvia goes by Sylvie a lot - it doesn't change the number of letters I have to type, but it does cut one syllable out when I have to yell it on the playground. :001_smile: When asked her name, she usually says, "Sylvie," but adults always translate it to "Sophie." I'll probably have her stay closer to her given name though.

[Gamom3]

Everyone(dh and dc) goes by their middle name, except me!

[Brindee]

I often call my kids by the names they called themselves when they were little and barely able to talk. It was so cute to hear them say their names like that, and I had to keep it going! They allow ME to call them that, but noone else does.

 

When we brought our dd home from the hospital, our 3 1/2 year old ds came over, put his little hand on her cheek and said, "Hey there Missy. I'm yer big brudder. I love you and I'm gonna take care of you!" Then he ran off to play. But the moment wasn't lost on me, it was too precious! We called her almost strictly Missy for a long time, and still call her Missy sometimes!

 

One of my best friends has ALWAYS gone by her middle name. She doesn't even know why they gave her the first name! :)

 

I'd say do what you feel is best---it'll all work out!

[LibraryLover]

Not so far. But if our last had been a boy, he would have been John Eliot and would have been called Jack.

[Brindee]

 

Not so far. But if our last had been a boy, he would have been John Eliot and would have been called Jack.

Come to think of it, now that you said that.... My mom was a tom boy and her 2 younger brothers and her school friends called her Jack! :) She said it lasted all through grade school (which for them was through 8th grade) and she didn't mind a bit!

[Jenstet]

We have guardianship of my niece. I don't really love her name but it is the name her mother gave her. Her name legally has 6 names in it and one hyphen. We have had issues with social security and court documents because we drop the end of her hyphenated last name and use only one of her middle names. You just have to be careful with the paperwork. Dr. offices and school stuff doesn't matter.

I am going to give you my opinion so take it or leave it. Your family, your choices. I don't know your situation and where the biological parents are but I can tell you from experience that we are in a situation where we thought my niece would never go back to her mother. It has been 5 years and her mother has gotten her life back together. We are working together to get her back with her mother. What I am trying to say is that guardianship is not permanent and unless the child were adopted I would think hard about completely changing the child's name. A nickname is different but it sounds like you want to change it to something very different.

[Storm Bay]

Sure. My mother picked a name in high school, and even uses it on legal documents. She puts her given name as a middle name. I won't write it as it's so rare it would be TMI. But it's NOT a name that sounds good in English (not a cuss word, just sounds UGLY.)

[Tap]

..... I don't know your situation and where the biological parents are but I can tell you from experience that we are in a situation where we thought my niece would never go back to her mother. It has been 5 years and her mother has gotten her life back together. We are working together to get her back with her mother. What I am trying to say is that guardianship is not permanent and unless the child were adopted I would think hard about completely changing the child's name. A nickname is different but it sounds like you want to change it to something very different.

 

We are doing a "permanent guardianship" which in our state is just barely a step below adoption. The parents rights are completely severed and there are only a few remote ways for them to get her back. The only ways are: the state would have to have cause to remove her from our home or we would have to give her voluntarily back to the state. We will probably go back to court when she is older and adopt her then.

 

Our state has other guardianship options as well, that allow the birth parent the chance to get her back, but we aren't willing to do that.

 

Thanks for your advice,

Tap

[TXMomof4]

Our ds is Timothy James, but we call him Jamie. My brother is Tim, I don't like Timothy for all the time, and James is too grown up. But I love his name. Besides, he definately looks (and acts) like a Jamie.

[AndyJoy]

My uncle "Butch" is named George Marion. It's a good thing he was a boy, because all the relatives called him "Butch" while my grandma was pregnant, and they obviously couldn't have known the gender of an unborn baby in 1949!

 

My great-grandma Mary Flora was nicknamed "Bobbie" in the 1920's by her husband because she had her hair cut into a "racy" bob cut during a bout of scarlet fever. The name caught on with all her friends, and for the rest of her life she was Bobbie. She always knew that it was a telemarketer on the phone when they asked for Mary! When my mom started school, she was living with her grandmother. When the school secretary asked for my mother's guardian, she responded "Grandma Bobbie." The secretary insisted that "No one is named Bobbie--her real name must be Barbara and you just don't know it!" She wrote down "Barbara" as my mom's guardian despite my mom's protesting.