mama2cntrykids Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 My step-son lives with us (he's 16) and has a job working very few hours a week (he also goes to HS fulltime). Last Sunday, after work, he texted my dh and asked if he could play another game of pool with his friend "J". My dh texted him back and said no b/c he had stuff to unload from the back of the truck and it was a school night. So, a half hour later step-son texts back and said he was on his way home. He just went ahead and disregarded my dh's answer and stayed longer anyway. The next day dh told step-son that since he was told to come home and didn't that the next time he worked, he wouldn't be able to drive his truck. Dh will be bringing him to and picking him up from work on this Sat. Step-son was *not* happy about that, but hey, that's the consequence. Now, today he admitted to dh that he wasn't playing pool with his friend, but with his girlfriend (which we had NO idea he had). He then went on to say that she's moving at the end of the month and he'd like to spend time with her. Well, what he's trying to get at is that he wants to use his truck this weekend to hangout with her. I have no idea where or doing what, dh hadn't gotten that far in the convo yet. My thinking is this: You do the crime, you pay the time. He has his truck taken away for the upcoming weekend for disobeying dh, so he won't be hanging out with her. Just going to work and coming home on Sat. I'm not being unreasonable am I? I don't think so, but dh is way more lax/forgiving with this stuff and it drives me crazy. Can someone who has more experience with teens please weigh in on this for me? Thanks:lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I would actually be more inclined to enforce the original sentence... plus impose whatever the consequence is for lying. He didn't tell you he had a girlfriend, then he lied to you about spending time with her, by telling you he was spending time with another friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I am guessing he is you dh"s son and your step son? It would be hard to advise you in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 A truck to visit a ,girlfriend you don't know, that's moving away??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 I am guessing he is you dh"s son and your step son? It would be hard to advise you in this situation. Yes, he's my dh's adopted son actually and my step. A truck to visit a ,girlfriend you don't know, that's moving away??? Yeah...I know, I know... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN Mama Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 My thinking is this: You do the crime, you pay the time. He has his truck taken away for the upcoming weekend for disobeying dh, so he won't be hanging out with her. Just going to work and coming home on Sat. I'm not being unreasonable am I? I don't think so, but dh is way more lax/forgiving with this stuff and it drives me crazy. Can someone who has more experience with teens please weigh in on this for me? Thanks:lurk5: I don't have teens, but I was one. If I was late for my curfew, I lost car privileges. Period. The fact that he LIED about where he was would definitely not work in his favor. You are not being unreasonable. Stick to your guns. There is no respect earned when consequences are wiped away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Can your dh and his ex talk at all about things like this? I would be hesitant to get in the middle. A really good friend of mine growing up had divorced parents and boyfriends were often kept from the other parent and it always caused problems until they talked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Why didn't he tell you he had a gf? Why did he feel he needed to keep that a secret? I would want to address that, above all. However, this is for your dh to handle, not you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Could he invite the girlfriend to spend time at your house over the weekend? So he gets to spend time with her, plus the consequences aren't removed, plus you get to meet the girl? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puma Mom Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Definitely not unreasonable. My dc would have lost way more than use of the vehicle for similar behavior. I do think I'd suggest he invite the gf over, even if dh needs to drive over with ds to get her. That way, you're sticking to your guns about using the truck, as well as getting to know the girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 :iagree: I do think I'd suggest he invite the gf over, even if dh needs to drive over with ds to get her. That way, you're sticking to your guns about using the truck, as well as getting to know the girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 This is a "we'll be lucky if she doesn't get pregnant" moment. FWIW. I'd let DH take the lead on this and just support him in his decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I don't think you're being unreasonable. But I think with teens, you always have to put the relationship ahead of the rules. Otherwise, they keep secrets and sneak around. I have found with my 17 yo that the more freedom I give her to make her own decisions -- with input and guidance from dh and me -- the more she talks to us and listens to our advice. So... before making a decision, I would want to sit down with dh and ds and talk about why ds didn't tell you he had a gf, why he felt the need to keep it a secret, your family's philosphy and rules for dating, etc. I like the idea of inviting the girl over instead of letting ds use the truck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 You are not being unreasonable. It would make me very nervous to think of two teenagers in a truck for half an hour, particularly when he has hidden the girlfriend from you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I am kind of between 16 year olds. But to me, the guy who can make the rules and set the consequences should also be trusted to change them if he thinks it's reasonable. You think it's too lax. Your DSS thinks it's too strict. Your DH needs to do what he things is right and have the confidence to change his mind ... or not. As a Mom, I tend to think you give little kids 5 minutes to wrap things up, and giving a 16 year old half an hour is no biggie, though maybe it would be if I felt that I were being directly disobeyed rather than just put off a few minutes. And to me, yeah, it's a school night. But he's 16. He is the one who suffers the next day if he's tired. The lying part would bother me a lot more, but it sounds like he willingly admitted he had lied rather than being caught. So that's something. Anyway, these things can be hard. I always told my son that people who are not absolutely dependable, honest, and fastidious about the rules don't get to drive. 16 is young to drive anyway, in my opinion. But if your husband wants to lift the original punishment, I think your best move as a wife and step Mom is to keep your objections to yourself. If something directly impacts you and your home and children, you have to take a stand. But unless you had already made other plans for the truck, I think you should just gracefully support whatever your DH does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 You're not being unreasonable. The consequence is the consequence. If this is a first offense, I'd probably stick to the consequence and let him know that if he'd been honest, you might have been able to help him find a way for them to spend time together. (If that's something you'd normally allow.) BUT as a stepmom, I agree with those who counsel to let your dh take the lead. If your dh imposed the punishment, it's his call. Certainly weigh in. Your opinion counts, because you are helping to parent this young man. But whatever your dh decides to do, back him up. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 As a Mom, I tend to think you give little kids 5 minutes to wrap things up, and giving a 16 year old half an hour is no biggie, though maybe it would be if I felt that I were being directly disobeyed rather than just put off a few minutes. And to me, yeah, it's a school night. But he's 16. He is the one who suffers the next day if he's tired. :iagree: I think this is something that I wasn't able to put into words. I don't think the half hour he took is that big a thing. My parents were, according to many, strict and it wouldn't have been a big deal. You said they were communicating via text so you really don't know when he even read the message to come home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnL Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Could he invite the girlfriend to spend time at your house over the weekend? So he gets to spend time with her, plus the consequences aren't removed, plus you get to meet the girl? This is what I was thinking, too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 :iagree: I think this is something that I wasn't able to put into words. I don't think the half hour he took is that big a thing. My parents were, according to many, strict and it wouldn't have been a big deal. You said they were communicating via text so you really don't know when he even read the message to come home. That would be true if he hadn't lied and wasn't even where he said he was in the first place. I would keep the consequence in place and invite the girl over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 That would be true if he hadn't lied and wasn't even where he said he was in the first place. I would keep the consequence in place and invite the girl over. I agree they should invite the girl over. I was just addressing the initial punishment which was made before they knew about the girl. He was punished for not immediately reacting to their text and, at 16, I don't think 30 minutes was that big of a deal. I think dad should keep the punishment of no truck but I also think they should try to have the girl over soon. They should also find out why he kept her from them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I am kind of between 16 year olds. But to me, the guy who can make the rules and set the consequences should also be trusted to change them if he thinks it's reasonable. You think it's too lax. Your DSS thinks it's too strict. Your DH needs to do what he things is right and have the confidence to change his mind ... or not. As a Mom, I tend to think you give little kids 5 minutes to wrap things up, and giving a 16 year old half an hour is no biggie, though maybe it would be if I felt that I were being directly disobeyed rather than just put off a few minutes. And to me, yeah, it's a school night. But he's 16. He is the one who suffers the next day if he's tired. The lying part would bother me a lot more, but it sounds like he willingly admitted he had lied rather than being caught. So that's something. Anyway, these things can be hard. I always told my son that people who are not absolutely dependable, honest, and fastidious about the rules don't get to drive. 16 is young to drive anyway, in my opinion. But if your husband wants to lift the original punishment, I think your best move as a wife and step Mom is to keep your objections to yourself. If something directly impacts you and your home and children, you have to take a stand. But unless you had already made other plans for the truck, I think you should just gracefully support whatever your DH does. :iagree: These issues really stem from what kind of relationship that was or was not developed. Personally, I wouldn't have taken the truck away as a consequence. Instead, I'd wonder why my almost-adult child lied to me and work on the relationship rather than focus on punishment, especially at that age. 16 is the legal emancipation age in most states, it's ridiculous to treat a 16yo like a child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Could he invite the girlfriend to spend time at your house over the weekend? So he gets to spend time with her, plus the consequences aren't removed, plus you get to meet the girl? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Why didn't he tell you he had a gf? Why did he feel he needed to keep that a secret? I would want to address that, above all. However, this is for your dh to handle, not you. :iagree: I don't think you're being unreasonable. But I think with teens, you always have to put the relationship ahead of the rules. Otherwise, they keep secrets and sneak around. I have found with my 17 yo that the more freedom I give her to make her own decisions -- with input and guidance from dh and me -- the more she talks to us and listens to our advice. So... before making a decision, I would want to sit down with dh and ds and talk about why ds didn't tell you he had a gf, why he felt the need to keep it a secret, your family's philosphy and rules for dating, etc. I like the idea of inviting the girl over instead of letting ds use the truck. :iagree: I especially agree that it is important to put the relationship before the rules. Being right wont help your teenager trust you, share with you, or open to you. I also feel that, as a step mother myself, it can be very easy to see how my dh "should" deal with his wayward daughter, my step dd, but I think love is beyond rights and wrongs and if your dh needs to let this one go for the sake of his relationship with his son, that should be his prerogative, completely. I know dh and I frequently let things go once the point is made. Our kids seem to respect us more for it, not less. As a Mom, I tend to think you give little kids 5 minutes to wrap things up, and giving a 16 year old half an hour is no biggie, though maybe it would be if I felt that I were being directly disobeyed rather than just put off a few minutes. And to me, yeah, it's a school night. But he's 16. He is the one who suffers the next day if he's tired. The lying part would bother me a lot more, but it sounds like he willingly admitted he had lied rather than being caught. So that's something. Anyway, these things can be hard. I always told my son that people who are not absolutely dependable, honest, and fastidious about the rules don't get to drive. 16 is young to drive anyway, in my opinion. But if your husband wants to lift the original punishment, I think your best move as a wife and step Mom is to keep your objections to yourself. If something directly impacts you and your home and children, you have to take a stand. But unless you had already made other plans for the truck, I think you should just gracefully support whatever your DH does. I too would not like my 16 yo to drive but here in Australia they cant, unsupervised. I have let go of controlling things like bed time. I thought that once my kids started school/college last week, I would crack down. But I had a sort of realisation that if I did that, and brought bedtime back to a reasonable hour and enforced it...I would not be helping them learn for themselves. So I told them..I am not setting a bedtime anymore- its up to them. So far, both are getting as much sleep as if I had a kerfew. And I can go to bed not worrying about whether they are in bed yet- if they do stay up late, they suffer the consequences, not me. With a 16yo, its time to start letting go of the micro managing. I am not saying thats what you are doing overall, but I too would feel that staying an extra half hour, especially when he phoned to ask, was no biggie. It *usually* takes me that long to get my teens away from any social gathering. The lying would not bother me in the sense that....I would be far more concerned as to why he would lie, why he would not feel ok about telling us he had a girlfriend, than that he lied. Relationships before rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticamethyst Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 If it were my son, the punishment would stay and if he HAD to see this unknown girlfriend then should would just have to meet his family. This isn't about bed time really. He dilibertly disobeyed what he was told to do, if this were a job he could/would be fired. At this age it is not so much about rules as much as it is about learning how to act with adults and with much greater responsibilites. He has them but is ignoring them. I also have to agree with myfunnybunch, 30 min alone in a truck with a girlfriend you didn't know about, how long does it take to make a baby? I am too young to be a granny and if he hid her what else is there? I'm sorry your family is going thru this but it sounds to me like he is manipulating the situation to suit him. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Could he invite the girlfriend to spend time at your house over the weekend? So he gets to spend time with her, plus the consequences aren't removed, plus you get to meet the girl? :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Many, many great thoughts. Thank you. It sounds like many ppl that responded are in agreement. I'd like to address some things: I don't know if I clarified in my OP, but he said he was at his work (a pizza place with pool table) playing pool with this girl. Also, I will talk to dh about the possibility of the girl spending sometime here this weekend. I'm not really sure of the rules with that one either. Obviously, she will not be in his room, but anything else? What will they do while they're here. I have three younger kids that will probably be all over them. So...what do you think? This is the boy who doesn't open up to *anyone*. He has a very hard time with his feelings and talking about them. We're in the middle of trying to work out counseling for him. He's gone three times but now things he has no problems and doesn't need it. It's a very hard situation all around with him. If it were up to my dh, there would be no consequence for anything regarding step-son. He is honestly that lax about stuff. It drives me crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Right up until I moved out of my parents house, I was grounded one day for every minute I was late. It sucked. I learned very early on to be home on time. I'm not suggesting this method, necessarily :), because it's crazy extreme and I personally don't want to have to enforce it with my own kids, but... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I don't think you're being unreasonable. But I think with teens, you always have to put the relationship ahead of the rules. Otherwise, they keep secrets and sneak around. I have found with my 17 yo that the more freedom I give her to make her own decisions -- with input and guidance from dh and me -- the more she talks to us and listens to our advice. So... before making a decision, I would want to sit down with dh and ds and talk about why ds didn't tell you he had a gf, why he felt the need to keep it a secret, your family's philosphy and rules for dating, etc. I like the idea of inviting the girl over instead of letting ds use the truck. :iagree: I don't have teens yet, but I was one, and I too pulled the "not coming home when told to" scenario. When I got home, my dad was waiting up and told me what had been in his heart when I didn't arrive when they expected me (he may have embellished a little, but still). He didn't punish, he just shook his head and went quietly to bed. I felt horrible. The next they day they extended my curfew an hour and I never broke it again. I definitely was that, "I'll show YOU what I can't do!" kid, so a punishment would not have worked for me (and my dad was that kid too, so he knew). I think inviting the girl over if you enforce the "no truck" consequence is a great idea--it's an olive branch AND a way to monitor activities! You might even take him to pick her up and bring her home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 I just finished talking to him about his girlfriend (in a friendly, not angry way). It appears that she's moving this Saturday, so that kinda shoots the whole inviting her over unless she can come on Friday night for a few hours. But, I doubt her parents would let her considering she's moving the next day. She's also moving over an hour away, so the relationship will mainly be by text. She doesn't have a car and he doesn't have the gas to go see her. They are not breaking up, btw, just having a LDR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I just finished talking to him about his girlfriend (in a friendly, not angry way). It appears that she's moving this Saturday, so that kinda shoots the whole inviting her over unless she can come on Friday night for a few hours. But, I doubt her parents would let her considering she's moving the next day. She's also moving over an hour away, so the relationship will mainly be by text. She doesn't have a car and he doesn't have the gas to go see her. They are not breaking up, btw, just having a LDR. Aw, poor kids. Would it be possible to help him get to her on Friday night to have one last slice of pizza together or something? Maybe if she can get away for an hour? I think that might be a balm on his heart over this whole thing, and your DH can still enforce the consequence laid out. (And it's unlikely that she'll get pregnant at a pizzeria--though not impossible, of course!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 It's a very hard situation all around with him. If it were up to my dh, there would be no consequence for anything regarding step-son. He is honestly that lax about stuff. It drives me crazy. THIS is what I would be concerned about. After this current issue is resolved and blows over, I'd address this. Especially since you two have your own children. These issues will definitely appear again when yours get older, if they haven't already. You should be on the same page. Read a parenting book, take a class, do something to cultivate this conversation. I've known lots of men who take a lazy attitude about discipline and personal responsibility because they just frankly don't realize they are supposed to lead and train their children. Someone needs to explain to him the natural consequences of permissive parenting. It doesn't do children ANY favors. Believe me. (PS- there are lots of resources mentioned on this board that would be helpful) You're stradding a fence, being the step-mom, and I hope this young man realizes how fortunate he is that you care and want the best for him. Blessings on you! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Right up until I moved out of my parents house, I was grounded one day for every minute I was late. It sucked. I learned very early on to be home on time. I'm not suggesting this method, necessarily :), because it's crazy extreme and I personally don't want to have to enforce it with my own kids, but... Aw, poor kids. Would it be possible to help him get to her on Friday night to have one last slice of pizza together or something? Maybe if she can get away for an hour? I think that might be a balm on his heart over this whole thing, and your DH can still enforce the consequence laid out. (And it's unlikely that she'll get pregnant at a pizzeria--though not impossible, of course!) I told him this morn that maybe she could come over for a couple of hrs on Friday night. I would have to talk to my dh first, but knowing him, he'd be ok with it. Step-son didn't seem too enthusiastic about the idea though. I say sometime is better that NO time. Being a teen, he may not see if my way.:tongue_smilie: [/b] THIS is what I would be concerned about. After this current issue is resolved and blows over, I'd address this. Especially since you two have your own children. These issues will definitely appear again when yours get older, if they haven't already. You should be on the same page. Read a parenting book, take a class, do something to cultivate this conversation. I've known lots of men who take a lazy attitude about discipline and personal responsibility because they just frankly don't realize they are supposed to lead and train their children. Someone needs to explain to him the natural consequences of permissive parenting. It doesn't do children ANY favors. Believe me. (PS- there are lots of resources mentioned on this board that would be helpful) You're stradding a fence, being the step-mom, and I hope this young man realizes how fortunate he is that you care and want the best for him. Blessings on you! :grouphug: Thank you for the bolded part. You don't know how much that warmed my heart:D. It's so hard being a parent, much less a parent of a teen, much less the STEP parent of a teen. Dh and I have had such a hard time with step-son in so many ways because of step-son's lack of communication skills and his having a hard time expressing his feelings properly. I really want step-son to continue with counseling, but he doesn't see the need. So hard:001_huh:. Dh and I are however going to talk with step-son's therapist tomorrow though. As for dh, he's really lax not only with parenting, but just with everything in general. It's his personality I think. It's interesting because as lax as he is, I'm just as much up tight. Sigh...I'm working on myself though. I really am. At times, I feel like I'm just bidding my time until step-son joins the military at 18. Sad, but true. The relationship is just so hard when someone *won't* open up about anything (to anyone really, it's not just dh and I). Prayers would be a good thing here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I told him this morn that maybe she could come over for a couple of hrs on Friday night. I would have to talk to my dh first, but knowing him, he'd be ok with it. Step-son didn't seem too enthusiastic about the idea though. I say sometime is better that NO time. Being a teen, he may not see if my way.:tongue_smilie: Well, in that case, there's not much else you can do, and it's his loss. It's so hard being a parent, much less a parent of a teen, much less the STEP parent of a teen. Dh and I have had such a hard time with step-son in so many ways because of step-son's lack of communication skills and his having a hard time expressing his feelings properly. I really want step-son to continue with counseling, but he doesn't see the need. So hard:001_huh:. Dh and I are however going to talk with step-son's therapist tomorrow though. That is so hard :grouphug: I hope some day he does realize how lucky he is to have you--probably when he has his own kids and sees how much a loving parent truly matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Many, many great thoughts. Thank you. It sounds like many ppl that responded are in agreement. I'd like to address some things: I don't know if I clarified in my OP, but he said he was at his work (a pizza place with pool table) playing pool with this girl. Also, I will talk to dh about the possibility of the girl spending sometime here this weekend. I'm not really sure of the rules with that one either. Obviously, she will not be in his room, but anything else? What will they do while they're here. I have three younger kids that will probably be all over them. So...what do you think? This is the boy who doesn't open up to *anyone*. He has a very hard time with his feelings and talking about them. We're in the middle of trying to work out counseling for him. He's gone three times but now things he has no problems and doesn't need it. It's a very hard situation all around with him. If it were up to my dh, there would be no consequence for anything regarding step-son. He is honestly that lax about stuff. It drives me crazy. Because of this I would definately be going out of my way to make sure he gets to spend time with his girlfriend. He did eventually open up about her. Granted it was late in the game, but I would view that as a step forward! If it still needs to be no-truck...then I would drive him where he needs to be. I would also let him decide (within reason) when I come back. I will either go home...or busy myself with a book. As step mom...I would try to the be the one who fights for him...that's already a difficult relationship to build. :grouphug:'s! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I As for dh, he's really lax not only with parenting, but just with everything in general. It's his personality I think. It's interesting because as lax as he is, I'm just as much up tight. Sigh...I'm working on myself though. I really am. I was on the lax side when I had an uptight husband. Now that I have an "omnia extaras" husband ("let it all hang out"), I am more uptight than my mother, even. :blush5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Also, I will talk to dh about the possibility of the girl spending sometime here this weekend. I'm not really sure of the rules with that one either. Obviously, she will not be in his room, but anything else? What will they do while they're here. I have three younger kids that will probably be all over them. So...what do you think? When dd's bf comes over, we usually eat dinner, then watch a movie or play games such as Apples to Apples. It helps avoid the tension of everyone sitting around wondering what to talk about, and it channels dd9's excitement so she's not in their faces the whole evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I'd call the girl's family and offer your son's help in moving. Carrying the big heavy boxes and furniture. Trip after trip. Over and over. Work is good for boys. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 This will be a life lesson. Had he disclosed the girlfriend AND her moving, you would have accomodated the request for extra time. Instead he lied. He now has consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 :iagree: Because of this I would definately be going out of my way to make sure he gets to spend time with his girlfriend. He did eventually open up about her. Granted it was late in the game, but I would view that as a step forward! If it still needs to be no-truck...then I would drive him where he needs to be. I would also let him decide (within reason) when I come back. I will either go home...or busy myself with a book. As step mom...I would try to the be the one who fights for him...that's already a difficult relationship to build. :grouphug:'s! I'm not sure that I'm willing to do that. I did tell him that she could come over here for a couple of hours on Friday night, but he had absolutely *no* response to that. Sigh... When dd's bf comes over, we usually eat dinner, then watch a movie or play games such as Apples to Apples. It helps avoid the tension of everyone sitting around wondering what to talk about, and it channels dd9's excitement so she's not in their faces the whole evening. Games!! Good idea. We also have a pool table in the basement with a dart board and a couple of couches. I'd call the girl's family and offer your son's help in moving. Carrying the big heavy boxes and furniture. Trip after trip. Over and over. Work is good for boys. :D LoL...He'd probably run the other way lol. Hey, at least he'd be able to spend time with her before she leaves lol. This will be a life lesson. Had he disclosed the girlfriend AND her moving, you would have accomodated the request for extra time. Instead he lied. He now has consequences. :iagree::iagree::iagree:Thank you!!! I talked to him again last night and apparently they've only been going out since this past Saturday. Not exactly a huge relationship there. That's a big reason why I stand by my offer of just letting her come here for a couple of hours and not anything else. Mean? Maybe, but it's not like they were going out for months or anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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