extendedforecast Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 (edited) Would you switch teams for your child based on the sole fact that the coach chews tobacco at games and practices? I'd like to see the first few responses then add the specifics. ETA: It really, really bugs me. I don't know if I'm making a bigger deal out of this than is necessary. I did ask myself if he was a smoker, and the answer is that I wouldn't care as long as he didn't smoke around my DC. The thing is he is chewing in front of the team (12 & under girls softball). It's not like he's very discreet about it either. His girlfriend has passed him the stuff through the fence in the middle of games. I already don't like him very much, but I have absolutely no reason not to like him. I just get this icky vibe from him. He is very touchy-feely with the girls. Maybe this tobacco thing is just an excuse I've made up because of my feelings about him. I've only told DH that it bugs me, but he didn't think it was much to be concerned with, as our kids know that it's unhealthy and linked to cancer. Thanks for your responses. Edited January 22, 2011 by extendedforecast Added details Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hanki Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Would you change teams because the coach smokes a cigarette or change English classes because a professor smoked a pipe? For me, no. I would just tell my kids that I think it's one of the more disgusting habits and how unhealthy it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Are their coaches who don't chew? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamamaloca Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Does the program allow tobacco use by coaches at practices and games? I think any used of tobacco is inappropriate for a coach of a children's game, at the games and practices, when he is in an official capacity with the team. I'd check to see if it is allowed, possibly file a complaint, and consider switching, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Would you switch teams for your child based on the sole fact that the coach chews tobacco at games and practices? I'd like to see the first few responses then add the specifics. I'd at the very least complain to the organization he was coaching for. I can't imagine that activity being condoned. It's such an awful habit! Would they allow a coach to drink beer while coaching? Both are legal activities, but not appropriate in that setting. I'd be very upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No, I would not switch teams for that reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I think chewing is foul, but would I switch teams? Absolutely not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 At most, I would nicely talk to the coach about it, and ask if he could be more discrete.... But really - is this the only place your dc are exposed to any sort of bad habits? I think it is just a good time to exclaim to your dc how disgusting it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 If done in front of the kids? Yes. I don't even tolerate grandpa smoking around my kids, I certainly would not pay to have my kid around that nasty stuff while on a team. Outside of coaching and away from kid players tho? Not my problem or business. Not to mention it's not even allowed in major league ballparks anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Probably not. It could even be a plus, since they'll have a rare chance to see first hand just what a nasty, disgusting habit it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Does the program allow tobacco use by coaches at practices and games? I think any used of tobacco is inappropriate for a coach of a children's game, at the games and practices, when he is in an official capacity with the team. I'd check to see if it is allowed, possibly file a complaint, and consider switching, yes. :iagree: I would be really surprised by a sports organization for children that allows tobacco use at practices and games. If it is not against the rules, I would lobby the leadership to pass such a rule. Meanwhile, I would educate my children on oral cancer and the other problems it causes, not to mention the money that is wasted on a product that only does harm. I wouldn't switch teams because of it if the coach is otherwise positive and a good coach. If it is against the rules, I would request that the league take this up with the coach. As for actual smoking, I would keep myself and my kids as far away as possible and complain loudly and openly. I have asthma and cannot be around tobacco smoke, and it's completely inappropriate at kids' events of any kind. All of the organized sports we have been involved in specifically prohibit tobacco use at practices and games. I don't care what a coach or instructor does at home, but they should not be using tobacco around other people's kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevilla Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I don't care what a coach or instructor does at home, but they should not be using tobacco around other people's kids. Yes. I would absolutely switch teams if a coach was chewing tobacco at practices and games. I don't think that should be allowed at all b/c of the poor example it sets for the kids. However, if the coach only chewed outside of his official capacity it wouldn't be an issue for me (i.e., I wouldn't mind if he smoked on his own time, I'd be hugely PO'd if he was smoking around my kid). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 ...I already don't like him very much... ...I just get this icky vibe from him. He is very touchy-feely with the girls. These are reasons. Not the tobacco so much. The girls will certainly pick up that it's vile and unhealthy, so I wouldn't worry about that so much (even while it grosses me out). ... But that fact that he just plain makes you uncomfortable? That would be a reason to look for another team for me. Maybe stick out the season (if you're always around, etc), but yeah, move on. Maybe this tobacco thing is just an excuse I've made up because of my feelings about him. I think this is true. ... And I think if you're going to discuss this with your husband, you need to tell him your true thoughts on the coach. Tobacco may be the only clear thing you had to point to as bothering you, but if you're uncomfortable with him coaching your child, you don't *need* a clear reason. You can and should look elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 These are reasons. Not the tobacco so much. The girls will certainly pick up that it's vile and unhealthy, so I wouldn't worry about that so much (even while it grosses me out). ... But that fact that he just plain makes you uncomfortable? That would be a reason to look for another team for me. Maybe stick out the season (if you're always around, etc), but yeah, move on. I think this is true. ... And I think if you're going to discuss this with your husband, you need to tell him your true thoughts on the coach. Tobacco may be the only clear thing you had to point to as bothering you, but if you're uncomfortable with him coaching your child, you don't *need* a clear reason. You can and should look elsewhere. I agree with Abbey about the icky feeling thing. However, I would remove my child from the team just because of the chewing tobacco. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I just get this icky vibe from him. He is very touchy-feely with the girls. Maybe this tobacco thing is just an excuse I've made up because of my feelings about him. I'd pay more attention to this than the chewing. He should know in this day and age touchy-feely is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevilla Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I already don't like him very much, but I have absolutely no reason not to like him. I just get this icky vibe from him. He is very touchy-feely with the girls. Maybe this tobacco thing is just an excuse I've made up because of my feelings about him. I've only told DH that it bugs me, but he didn't think it was much to be concerned with, as our kids know that it's unhealthy and linked to cancer. Thanks for your responses. Have you ever read this book? Protecting the Gift. I think that your parent instincts are telling you something that you need to listen to - it sounds like you have good reason to feel uncomfortable with him and I would listen to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Yep. Icky vibe = moving on. That aside, no, kids being taught or even seeing that it is gross and causes cancer is not enough to discourage use. Otherwise, no one my age would do it or be married/have girlfriends. Obviously, some still do stupid stuff for various reasons, such as wanting to be like the people they admire - people like coaches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Yes. Coaches are role models, and that is an unacceptable model for young people today. I also agree with pp who say to lobby the athletic association that you are under to establish a rule about this, if one is not already in place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Would you change teams because the coach smokes a cigarette or change English classes because a professor smoked a pipe? For me, no. I would just tell my kids that I think it's one of the more disgusting habits and how unhealthy it is. The difference is he is doing it DURING practices and games. That is not excusable. I see it no differently than if he were to have a beer or cig in his hand. There is a time and a place for that behavior. And a childrens sporting event is NOT that time or place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I've not read through the entire thread. Would you switch teams for your child based on the sole fact that the coach chews tobacco at games and practices? No. as our kids know that it's unhealthy and linked to cancer. So are a lot of bad habits that a lot of people probably do in front of your kids and you don't give it a second thought. I just get this icky vibe from him. He is very touchy-feely with the girls. I would switch teams based totally on this. I would also wonder what kind of league permits tobacco chewing during practice/games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No. One of my son's best coach used dip. Great guy with a fault that was completely overshadowed by all the wonderful things he did for kids. I would give him a hard time about it but only out of concern for his health. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 The difference is he is doing it DURING practices and games. That is not excusable. I see it no differently than if he were to have a beer or cig in his hand. There is a time and a place for that behavior. And a childrens sporting event is NOT that time or place. I responded due to my own experience (which was ten times worse). We had a teacher/coach that smoked IN school. He'd been there forever and eventually they named the field after him. Generally there are parents that smoke during games, so I don't understand why it would be a surprise that a coach might. Yes, I agree, it's not a good example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No. One of my son's best coach used dip. Great guy with a fault that was completely overshadowed by all the wonderful things he did for kids. I would give him a hard time about it but only out of concern for his health. Same here!!! Greatest coach ever!!! He didn't give me icky vibes though ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No. One of my son's best coach used dip. Great guy with a fault that was completely overshadowed by all the wonderful things he did for kids. I would give him a hard time about it but only out of concern for his health. That's how I saw it. However, due to the ETA in the OP...I would be more concerned about the icky mommy vibes combined with touchy feeliness with a girls' team. His chewing would be at the bottom of the list comparatively. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Generally there are parents that smoke during games, so I don't understand why it would be a surprise that a coach might. Yes, I agree, it's not a good example. Not here they don't. It's not allowed on any fields or in the stands. Can't smoke at adult games either. You have to exit the facility if you want to smoke or dip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Not here they don't. It's not allowed on any fields or in the stands. Can't smoke at adult games either. You have to exit the facility if you want to smoke or dip. This is the law on all school grounds in MN. As a coach myself, I still think it is absolutely inappropriate during interaction with children. Kind of a moot point though. If you feel "icky" around this coach, pull your daughter and RUN! Do not take a chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Not here they don't. It's not allowed on any fields or in the stands. Can't smoke at adult games either. You have to exit the facility if you want to smoke or dip. I can't speak for what it is here. I just know how it was when I lived in other places. I also know that a lot has been changing over the years (and I'm glad to see it changing for the better :) it just wouldn't be a reason to change my kid to another team). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mooooom Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 personally I'd be more grossed out by someone stuffing his face with fast food in front of them. But I still wouldn't switch teams for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 These are reasons. Not the tobacco so much. The girls will certainly pick up that it's vile and unhealthy, so I wouldn't worry about that so much (even while it grosses me out). ... But that fact that he just plain makes you uncomfortable? That would be a reason to look for another team for me. Maybe stick out the season (if you're always around, etc), but yeah, move on. I absolutely agree with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Like you've already done, I would most definitely talk with Dd about the poor choice he has made and how chances are high he'll end up with cancer. But, I'd be way more inclined to switch based on the touchy-feeliness and the icky vibes you get. To me, there's something to be said about a mother's intuition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 The icky feeling would have me changing teams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Not here they don't. It's not allowed on any fields or in the stands. Can't smoke at adult games either. You have to exit the facility if you want to smoke or dip. We're in that middle ground here, where one or two parents smoke on the side line and everyone else stares at them with hairy eyeballs. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I want to ask, what's "dip"? Chewing tobacco. It is the ummm.....chunk...or amount they grab with their fingers and tuck into there cheek. :D Hope that makes sense. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 We're in that middle ground here, where one or two parents smoke on the side line and everyone else stares at them with hairy eyeballs. :D But they are not the coach. I have parents that smoke at dance competitions, but years back when I smoked, I would NEVER! It is my job to be professional. Not theirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I have a question regarding the bad vibes. I would gave changed teams this past fall, but because his DD wasn't playing, he was supposed to step down and let another parent coach. So a few games in, one of our assistant coaches was unable to attend, and the other was going to be late. Creepy coach offers to step in and help for the game and then practically took over the team from then on. He has another daughter on another team, and he even missed one of her games during the play-offs. I told DH about my uneasiness, and he said that he thinks he is too affectionate with the girls, but he thinks it's because he likes the attention. Our DDs aren't into hugging others they don't know very well, so they avoid him, but they've never complained about feeling uncomfortable, even when I've asked them point blank. None of the other parents seem to care, and I just chalked it up to me being overly protective or it's all in my head. So as much as I hate to lose the camaraderie among the parents, and my DDs are going to lose their close teammates, I'm probably going to go ahead and request a new team. Would you tell your kids the real reason? Sorry this got so long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I have a question regarding the bad vibes. I would gave changed teams this past fall, but because his DD wasn't playing, he was supposed to step down and let another parent coach. So a few games in, one of our assistant coaches was unable to attend, and the other was going to be late. Creepy coach offers to step in and help for the game and then practically took over the team from then on. He has another daughter on another team, and he even missed one of her games during the play-offs. I told DH about my uneasiness, and he said that he thinks he is too affectionate with the girls, but he thinks it's because he likes the attention. Our DDs aren't into hugging others they don't know very well, so they avoid him, but they've never complained about feeling uncomfortable, even when I've asked them point blank. None of the other parents seem to care, and I just chalked it up to me being overly protective or it's all in my head. So as much as I hate to lose the camaraderie among the parents, and my DDs are going to lose their close teammates, I'm probably going to go ahead and request a new team. Would you tell your kids the real reason? Sorry this got so long. I would tell them the reason. Not graphically, but just that something is making you very uneasy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Whether I told them or not would depend on their age and maturity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Whether I told them or not would depend on their age and maturity. :iagree:Forgot to ask their ages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 :iagree:Forgot to ask their ages. They are ten and twelve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 They are ten and twelve. With my 12yr old, I might. Since I don't know your children and with anyone's children in general, I would say no. Just put it off to your own reasons, that there were some things that you were seeing that you didn't like and you don't really want to get into it further than that. I'm sure you will know how to word it to your daughters ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I want to ask, what's "dip"? It's tobacco that comes in a round can from which they take a pinch and place it between their front teeth and lip. You can check it out at Wikipedia complete with a guy posing with his dip. :tongue_smilie: It was huge with the boys when I was in high school. Never dated one who did because of the huge gag factor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'd be quite annoyed about the tobacco use, frequently in front of the children. I would probably discuss it with *someone,* whether it was the coach himself or the people in charge of the league. I feel that that would be as inappropriate as frequent smoking, drinking, heavy swearing, name-calling/belittling, discussing his sex life, or encouraging extreme dieting -- all things that are not applicable to the game and which do not have a place in his relationship with children. Would I switch teams for the tobacco use? I guess it would depend. If my kids started showing signs of developing that sort of "hero worship" mentality that can sometimes happen with coaches, then I might. (I think that's probably more likely with boys and male coaches, or girls and female coaches, but maybe not.) If my kids were openly talking about how disgusting it was or something, and they and I were otherwise happy with the coach, I'd probably just agree with them and stay with that team. All that being said, the icky vibe would totally do it for me, tobacco or no. You have instincts for a reason -- even if you're being overly cautious, listen to your instincts. Maybe your kids are too naive to notice that something's not right (which isn't necessarily a bad thing or a sign that you've failed), and maybe he's too slick. I believe I have read that pedophiles tend to "groom" children bit by bit, so that they don't realize there's something wrong. Can you talk with other parents to see what they think? (Not that that really matters; even if you're the only one who has the icky vibe, that's still valid, and your job is to protect your kids.) Maybe there's someone in charge with whom you could share those concerns? Even if you switch your kids to a different team, if he's truly icky, other kids may be at risk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 But they are not the coach. I have parents that smoke at dance competitions, but years back when I smoked, I would NEVER! It is my job to be professional. Not theirs. :confused: I was responding to a post about parents smoking during games. Maybe you didn't see that post? In a a previous post, I already said that I would switch teams because coaches shouldn't be using tobacco in front of children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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