At what point does the introvert become anti-social?

[Daisy]

Nevermind. I'm sure I'm a freak. I probably don't need to hear it. LOL.

Edited November 21, 2010 by Daisy

[secular_mom]

My husband asked me tonight if he thought my introverted behavior is getting worse? It was a lighthearted question but I think he meant it.

 

My best friend had her 40th birthday party tonight. It was a surprise party. Most of the people there were people I either used to know very well (we went to the same church together & used to spend a lot of time together) or were her family and I'm at least familiar with them.

 

I didn't want to go. I seriously didn't want to go. The only reason I went is because I knew I'd never be able to make an excuse that would get me out of my own best friend's 40th birthday party. But I've been dreading it for weeks.

 

I used to get nervous and dread the event but then do kinda okay while I was there. Now I just hate it and I think people are beginning to notice. I used to could hide it better. I don't feel like I connect with anyone. Actually I feel like a lump on a log the entire time I'm there. It's like I go to my happy place. I desperately want to leave. I want my children to misbehave so I have an excuse to leave. Something. Anything. Hey, call my phone so I can escape, will ya? These people used to be my close friends.

 

Then I get home and I'm even crankier because I'm mad at myself for not having at least pretended better that I was enjoying myself.

 

Yesterday my kids had a birthday party at a homeschool friend's house. I like this lady but I still made some excuse why I couldn't go. My husband STAYED and hung out with the husband. I really didn't have a reason to avoid going. I just didn't want to interact with anyone. I do this frequently enough that I wonder if people are starting to think I'm just rude.

 

Sigh. I guess I just wonder when do you reach a point where you really have a problem and how in the world do you "work on it?"

This sounds like a social anxiety disorder, you should talk to your Dr. about it- maybe talking to a counselor will help or maybe you need meds or maybe both. :grouphug:

[OrganicAnn]

Not to be too blunt, but I do think you have a serious enough problem if it interferes with going to social events that you know and like the people.

 

If it were me, I would look up information on social anxiety disorders (or whatever term you can find to describe it) and work on it yourself. I know there is probably therapy, but I would only do that if I couldn't leave my house. Also since your DH said something, I would take that seriously.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think of introverted as a personality that needs to be alone to recharge but doesn't necessarily have to be alone all the time. What you are describing sounds different to me - like perhaps an anxiety issue or a depressive issue. I think a counselor would be good. Whether you are introverted or not, it seems to me that it is good to know how to interact in society and how to want to interact enough to meet other people's needs.

[Daisy]

Nevermind.

Edited November 21, 2010 by Daisy

[Liz CA]

Are you better one on one? I am. I love to meet with one or two friends. More than that it's more difficult to keep up with conversation. In a large gathering, I usually end up talking to someone one on one too and make my way slowly through a crowd.

You could also just let people come to you if you are not comfortable with actively mingling. I was more like you in my younger days. Now I don't mind larger crowds as much anymore but given the choice I'd still rather get together with someone one on one.

[Twigs]

Daisy, :grouphug: I feel the exact same way. I hope you are able to find some help.

 

Best wishes

[Starr]

Sometimes we just need new friends and that's hard to do. It is good you make yourself get out but it would be nice if there was someone at each gathering you enjoyed. Or find someone new that's sitting alone. I have a friend that hates large gatherings unless she has an assigned activity. Maybe go a little early, help set up and make an early exit. As I get older I don't miss going to big gatherings. I do like smaller groups better.

[LittleIzumi]

I'm totally that way, but I have crazy anxiety about a lot of things, social situations being one of the huge triggers. :glare:

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:

 

I have noticed that as I become older I like social situations less and less. I still go, yet I find it draining. I have thought that it could get even worse as I age.

 

You may want to talk to a doctor, or maybe a therapist, in order to find a way to cope. I do think it's not always good to give into those feelings. But don't be too hard on yourself. You are not alone in how you feel, and do allow yourself to have plenty of home time. :grouphug:

[Mercy_Me]

:grouphug: I understand. I am already at the point that people think I dislike them. Don't let this ruin your life. It can. :grouphug:

[i.love.lucy]

:grouphug:

 

I'm getting more this way. DH has an office grand-opening on Monday and I am d.r.e.a.d.i.n.g. it. Normally I can walk in to social situations okay, but not when I feel insecure about how the people there will perceive me. I am so freaked out that I am not thin enough (or thin at all), not pretty enough, not smart enough, all of it.

 

I do know how you feel. :grouphug:

[LunaLee]

:D I'm not sure, but I'll probably be there after I'm done raising kids.

[DaffodilDreams]

Daisy, I completely understand. I hate, hate, hate parties, crowds, social gatherings, etc. Hate them all. I always have. I'm not sure why. I don't feel like it interferes with my LIFE, though, because my life isn't about that. I used to attend these things and be miserable. I just hate that sort of thing. I.don't.like.chit.chat! I hate pointless conversations - abhor smalltalk - really dislike pretending to be interested in what someone else is saying if I'm really not. So, a few years ago, I decided my time is too valuable and life is too short to spend it being miserable and attending functions I don't enjoy unless my presence is absolutely, positively vital. Honestly, I don't know that I would have considered my BF's party vital. I would most likely opt to plan a special day with just the two of us instead and be "busy" the night of the party (or if my BF knew me well enough to know that parties are akin to torture for me, then I would be up front with her and tell her that if she could forgive my absence, I'd love to plan a day of fun for just the two of us).

 

I know several others who are like this. We much prefer time spent with one or two other people, having meaningful conversations, sharing real moments of bonding and sharing, rather than being steeped in the superficial, on display atmosphere of parties and large gatherings. It doesn't mean we're damaged and require meds or therapy. We just have different preferences and priorities for the way we'd like to spend our limited time. From what I can tell w/o knowing you in real life, I think you're pretty okay! :001_smile:

Edited November 21, 2010 by kimmie38017

[Peela]

You are definitely not a freak because it is not so unusual...but it does feel freakish to be like that, I know. I was like that for years. And it is more than introversion- I am introverted but I enjoy socialising.

I realised that in my heart I really wanted to learn to connect with people...as much as it was more comfortable to stay at home and live in my bubble, I recognised that for me it was not making me grow, and it wasn't nourishing me in a way that I do enjoy. So...over the years I learned to "socialise" and just find the corner of the room where I felt most comfortable and could just wait and let people come to me. And I learned that even at parties, lovely connections can be made. Even at my inlaw family functions, I could have an interesting time. It was up to me.

I did it for my kids, too, a lot. I socialised with other homeschool mums that I honestly would not normally hang out with....and, it was good for me. I am a left wing secular greenie kind of buddhist and I learned to have really interesting conversations and heartful connections with right wing conservative Christian women. I am grateful for being exposed to a different social set to my normal one.

Do you feel it might be in your, or your dh's or kid's best interest, to learn to be a little more social? Then you might look for some way to do it in baby steps, perhaps with some therapy, or in some small ways that help you develop a tolerance for socialising. Looking out and seeing everyone out there who is socialising as shallow is a good place to examine your thinking...they are not. They are all people with deep feelings and issues and all are trying their best. If you can't have a relatively meaningful conversation with one, try another. Not everyone is superficial.

If its working for you...perhaps it's not a problem at all.

But you are not a freak. Many people feel similarly to you.

 

.

[Guest CarolineUK]

I have found this book very good 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A self-help guide using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques' - it's British, but I imagine you can get it over there, if not I'd be happy to send you my copy, I have lent out it before!

 

I'm not too bothered about parties, I can do them, in pretty much the same way as, say, I can clean the bathrooms, boring work but necessary. I smile and chat and take an interest in people, but if it weren't for DH and the boys I'd probably not bother. We're actually hosting our own big drinks party on Christmas Eve, which I find slightly better, as I can occupy myself with taking care of food and drinks, etc.

 

I don't think you're anti-social, 'it takes every kind of people, to make the world go round' as the song says. You're just one kind, I'm very similar, and I know many similar people IRL too, we have different values, different strengths maybe. I believe there is an excessive emphasis in our culture nowadays on social skills and extroversion. Some of the people I know who are most socially skilled and extrovert are also some of the most shallow and most insincere - not all (before I get roasted!), DH is very socially skilled and extrovert and perfectly lovely.

 

Don't be hard on yourself, 'anti-social' actually means something completely different to 'un-social', it implies someone who is damaging to society, and that is very far from the case here.

 

Oh, and 'nevermind' is not an acceptable response, if it bothers you it's important, and we're here to help.

 

:grouphug: and best wishes.

[Lolly]

I have noticed something about myself...the internet has made it worse. When I was young, I despised gatherings. Avoided them at all costs. I had a baby and stayed home. I started craving people. The poor check-out lady at the grocery couldn't get me to leave.:D I became very active in groups at church. Then, I found the internet. I can now get my fill of interacting with people without actually interacting with them! I tend to avoid groups again. I also think the people void is being filled by my family these days. Those babies are not only talking back; they have really good sense and are fun to be with these days!!! What little connect time my mind requires is being filled in a different way. Going to a party would send me into overload territory. I do think I would just suck it up and pretend to be having fun. Sometimes we just have to man up!

 

Btw, when someone has quoted you, you can't get away!:tongue_smilie:

[smrtmama]

I don't think you're a freak. I'm naturally very extroverted, and I *still* have tremendous anxiety over things like parties. I've gotten to where I really don't like to go to that kind of stuff at all -- too many people, too much noise, too much bumping into me. Bleh.

[LibraryLover]

One of the signs of depression is when you stop enjoying the things you once enjoyed (being with a loved friend to celebrate a milestone, fi).

 

I am not sure how old you are, but if you are beginning, or in your 40's, your hormones may be changing, and that can result in temporary depression until everything evens out again. (Similar to adolescence).

 

It could also be that you don't like to go out. :) It could be the shorter days makes you want to hunker down. I am far less active in winter.

[secular_mom]

Nevermind. I'm sure I'm a freak. I probably don't need to hear it. LOL.

:grouphug: Daisy, I'm sorry if my post upset you, that was definitely not my intent. The reason I say it sounds like an anxiety disorder is because I have the SAME problems. I am not taking meds for it, and haven't been able to overcome my generalized anxiety enough to see a therapist. It doesn't mean you're some kind of 'freak' if you have an anxiety disorder.

 

Man, I'm beginning to have anxiety about posting here.

[LibraryLover]

Oh. I see the OP has been delted. I didn't realize that. I kind of started in the middle. It's hard to know what is the best thing to say sometimes, Secular Mom. Your motivations were not bad. I think all of us had only good intentions.

 

Maybe Daisy can ask that the thread be removed.

[kalanamak]

Nevermind. I'm sure I'm a freak. I probably don't need to hear it. LOL.

 

Well, I mind.

 

I don't like social gatherings. I much prefer tete-a-tetes. However, I have found that if you are in a panic about what to say, ask the person about themselves. You don't have to be insincere about it. Do you like their jacket? Say so and ask them where they got it. Do they have a British accent? Say you always wanted to go there and where were they from. Many people, who can seem shallow and tedious when they get on some topic you despise (I really dislike hearing all about the TV show someone saw last night), can be funny and interesting if you get them to talk about their grandparents, or their remodel. I find I forget to be ill at ease if I'm trying to put someone else on their ease. E.g. if I am in a group (like a class) and someone new shows up, I go out of my way to greet them. Sometimes you get a cold fish, sometimes you are shocked at what an angry gossip you got, but most of the time they are decent people who are happy to have someone be pleasant to them.

 

But I do get that dread of getting ready for and going to gatherings. (Funny, thinking back on it, the only get togethers I've really looked forward to in the last several years, were with WTMers. :001_smile:)

[Hedgehog]

I have found this book very good 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: A self-help guide using Cognitive Behavioural Techniques' - it's British, but I imagine you can get it over there, if not I'd be happy to send you my copy, I have lent out it before!

 

I'm not too bothered about parties, I can do them, in pretty much the same way as, say, I can clean the bathrooms, boring work but necessary. I smile and chat and take an interest in people, but if it weren't for DH and the boys I'd probably not bother. We're actually hosting our own big drinks party on Christmas Eve, which I find slightly better, as I can occupy myself with taking care of food and drinks, etc.

 

I don't think you're anti-social, 'it takes every kind of people, to make the world go round' as the song says. You're just one kind, I'm very similar, and I know many similar people IRL too, we have different values, different strengths maybe. I believe there is an excessive emphasis in our culture nowadays on social skills and extroversion. Some of the people I know who are most socially skilled and extrovert are also some of the most shallow and most insincere - not all (before I get roasted!), DH is very socially skilled and extrovert and perfectly lovely.

 

Don't be hard on yourself, 'anti-social' actually means something completely different to 'un-social', it implies someone who is damaging to society, and that is very far from the case here.

 

Oh, and 'nevermind' is not an acceptable response, if it bothers you it's important, and we're here to help.

 

:grouphug: and best wishes.

 

:iagree: I'm similar to this. For me it comes in patches - usually coinciding with a burnout patch, which is not very surprising really.

 

:grouphug: you're not a freak, Daisy. Everyone is different and although you might find social situations hard, there will be lots of things you can do easily. :001_smile:

Edited November 21, 2010 by Hedgehog

[Jean in Newcastle]

Oh Daisy - I'm sorry that my post seems to be one that caused you pain. I was not trying to hurt you or to say that differences in social preferences is wrong. I was just hoping that you might talk this out with a counselor for a couple of reasons -

1. by your own admission you seem to think this impacts your life in a negative way.

2. it seems to be progressing to a point that it causes your dh concern

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry that this seems to be an upsetting issue for you. Seeing as we don't know you in real life, I thought that perhaps a sit down talk with someone professional might either help you or simply give you peace of mind. :grouphug:

[Mejane]

I'll just say that if you're a freak, then so am I. I hate going anywhere, having company, or being expected to be sociable when I just want to be left alone. I find more and better excuses every year to go and do less.

[lisabees]

I am extremely outgoing. I mean, I can (and do) talk to strangers in the grocery store line. All.the.time. I can dance and sing and act goofy in public. But...

 

I have noticed in the last few years that I would rather be alone. I avoid parties like the plague. I would rather have lunch with a good friend and make meaningful conversation. I just don't seem to need people like I used to. I prefer to be home with my family only. It concerns me because it is so different than before. Dh mentions it every once in a while. DS17 called me anti-social the other day. Am I becoming anti-social? Is it anxiety? Is it just a season of life? I am happy; strangers would still call me bubbly and outgoing; I just don't feel the need to attend planned events. In fact, I dread them most of the time.

 

And in response to the poster who said the internet fills a void...it is true. The things on my mind are not the things my friends care about. So, I'd rather come here. Is it freakish? Maybe. But, I'm okay with being a freak. Aren't we all in one way or another? :D

 

I did have this conversation with a stranger at volleyball. She said she was the same way until all of her kids left for college. Once she had an empty nest, she needed those friends and that social life. She was afraid it was too late, after dissing the friends. But, they all needed each other for the same reasons.

 

I am sending you :grouphug: because it is something I worry about, too. I am glad you started this thread. We're not so alone, after all.

[Daisy]

None of you caused me pain. LOL. I just realized it was going to be very difficult to make myself understood. And I wrote that original post right after I got back home when I was still feeling very agitated.

 

I do just fine talking with people. I've taught women's Bible studies. I can get up in front of a crowd of people and give a speech. I do not enjoy it, but I am good at it. No one would have a clue that it is not something I enjoy. I was on my college debate team.

 

I go to the library just fine. I talk with the librarian. I manage to function.

 

And yet...

 

If I see someone I know who is going to stop me in the super market and talk with me, I'm likely to try and sneak away before I'm seen. Whereas my popular public school teacher husband can be stopped 10 times before he makes it to the door and loves every minute of it.

 

I hate the comparison games at parties and social events and they do stress me out. Also knowing the party leech is going to find me stresses me out. I'm like a magnet for people who want to dump their problems. I hate small talk. I hate mindless chatter. I'm horrible at relationships. I hate being "needed."

 

I stress in advance of social events because I know how overstimulating it is going to be. Once at the event, I have to withdrawal emotionally just in order to deal with the overstimulation. It is like hearing a million voices and seeing a million different body movements all at once. I can tell my husband what every single person talked about at the party, what they all wore, who was pissed at their husband, and which one felt the most left out. I CANNOT STAND IT. And ultimately, I reach a point where I just have to not care or I'll care too much. I can't even explain this.

 

One-on-one isn't much better only because I feel like I should have been paid $200 for the counseling session. That's not to say I wouldn't do just about anything for my friends. I've watched their kids, driven them to the doctor, bought them food when they were out of a job, etc.

 

Take the worst thread on this board. The one

 

where everyone feels passionately about their pov,

where no one is listening to each other,

where posts are flying faster than thoughts,

where 2 people are left going "huh?",

one person is cracking jokes (that'd be my husband),

another is inserting "How's the weather" lines,

another is lamenting why everyone can't just get along,

and one person just sits, watches, diagrams the conversation, and wonders "Why in the heck do I have to be here?"

 

I'm the last person and social events feel like that crappy thread.

 

I do admit to having issues with control, crowds, personal space, etc. And I don't want to pass those issues on to my kids.

Edited November 21, 2010 by Daisy

[Jean in Newcastle]

Oh good! I'm glad that you're not in pain. This darn internet makes it hard to read facial expressions and those vocal nuances. . .

 

I actually am much like you, I think. I prefer meaningful interactions with people to the superficial ones of parties. I frequently get unloaded on etc.

 

The way I've made peace with it is to ask God to direct my social interactions. So when I am approached at a party, I try to see why God brought that person my way. I try to make my interactions meaningful even within the small talk but without trying to engineer some fake meaning into it. When people unload, I try to direct them to God. Those who do not want that at any cost are then going to leave me alone and those who are really open, hopefully have been helped in some small way.

[secular_mom]

I stress in advance of social events because I know how overstimulating it is going to be. Once at the event, I have to withdrawal emotionally just in order to deal with the overstimulation. It is like hearing a million voices and seeing a million different body movements all at once. I can tell my husband what every single person talked about at the party, what they all wore, who was pissed at their husband, and which one felt the most left out. I CANNOT STAND IT. And ultimately, I reach a point where I just have to not care or I'll care too much. I can't even explain this.

 

One-on-one isn't much better only because I feel like I should have been paid $200 for the counseling session. That's not to say I wouldn't do just about anything for my friends.

 

 

I do admit to having issues with control, crowds, personal space, etc. And I don't want to pass those issues on to my kids.

:grouphug: This is me. I either feel like a ***** for growing mental callouses, or... I get depressed by all the crap people dump on me.

 

When I've been overwhelmed by outsiders, I sometimes end up feeling that way about my family, that's when I put an absolute stop to ALL outside activity (including the internet), find a nice quiet activity that I can do alone, and chill out till it passes.

 

So, you still 'might' want to talk to your Dr. about it.

[8circles]

Well, I was going to say after about an hour.

 

 

But in all seriousness, I know exactly what you mean. It's a burden I bear as well. :grouphug:

[Cindy in the NH Woods]

You are definitely not a freak because it is not so unusual...but it does feel freakish to be like that, I know. I was like that for years. And it is more than introversion- I am introverted but I enjoy socialising.

I realised that in my heart I really wanted to learn to connect with people...as much as it was more comfortable to stay at home and live in my bubble, I recognised that for me it was not making me grow, and it wasn't nourishing me in a way that I do enjoy. So...over the years I learned to "socialise" and just find the corner of the room where I felt most comfortable and could just wait and let people come to me. And I learned that even at parties, lovely connections can be made. Even at my inlaw family functions, I could have an interesting time. It was up to me.

I did it for my kids, too, a lot. I socialised with other homeschool mums that I honestly would not normally hang out with....and, it was good for me. I am a left wing secular greenie kind of buddhist and I learned to have really interesting conversations and heartful connections with right wing conservative Christian women. I am grateful for being exposed to a different social set to my normal one.

Do you feel it might be in your, or your dh's or kid's best interest, to learn to be a little more social? Then you might look for some way to do it in baby steps, perhaps with some therapy, or in some small ways that help you develop a tolerance for socialising. Looking out and seeing everyone out there who is socialising as shallow is a good place to examine your thinking...they are not. They are all people with deep feelings and issues and all are trying their best. If you can't have a relatively meaningful conversation with one, try another. Not everyone is superficial.

If its working for you...perhaps it's not a problem at all.

But you are not a freak. Many people feel similarly to you.

 

.

 

What a helpful and wise post, Peela! Thank you. :)

[MrsMe]

Well then I'll join your freak club too Daisy. I don't need to be around people all the time. I don't need to text and be on the phone talking to someone constantly. I like my space and I like my privacy. I rejuvinate when I'm alone and I despise "entertaining". I, like you hate mindless chatter. I also really dislike women who get together to talk about their husbands and how fat they are just so these woman can tell you you don't look fat (which you probaby are) and your husband is a jerk. I am comfortable in my own skin and going places with my family and not with a "group". I thank the people who open doors for me and do likewise. I go where I need to and when I need to but I don't go all the time. I LIKE to be home. I don't like fancy talk about who has what and how much they have and I don't like listening to people who ONLY talk about themselves with no concern for others. I am confortable with myself being this way. I don't feel the need to be like everyone else.

 

I'm in your club....even though I know this post was edited before I got here. :grouphug:

 

For what it's worth, my dd is EXTREMELY sociable.

[AuntieM]

Aw, Daisy, sounds like you and I have been to the same parties. I cannot stand social jockeying, superficial chatter and fashion parades. And at the only social opportunity I looked forward to this year I spent 3 hours trapped by the party leech you described.

 

I have started making an effort to arrange my outside activities around service opportunities rather than purely social events. For example, I enjoy the conversations I have when working alongside other moms & teens at the local food bank, where we are free to converse, but somehow the very environment takes our topics of discussion out of the superficial range, and the reason for our gathering is purposeful.

 

We have relocated many times and every time I've had to crack a new social circle, it's gotten harder. Harder to be vulnerable and let people get to know me. Harder to stop longing for faraway friends who already "get" me. Harder to face the realization that after all these years the conversations are generally still stuck on things like popular television, celebrity gossip, and the latest trends in purses, toenail polish and hair cuts. Harder to even want to make the effort at all.

 

I still keep trying. As my kids get older, my relationships with them have become richer and more interesting. I am learning what God really means when He says to rely on Him alone. And my anticipation for heaven grows.

 

:grouphug: You are not a freak. Please don't dwell on that!

[Daisy]

Aw, Daisy, sounds like you and I have been to the same parties. I cannot stand social jockeying, superficial chatter and fashion parades. And at the only social opportunity I looked forward to this year I spent 3 hours trapped by the party leech you described.

 

I have started making an effort to arrange my outside activities around service opportunities rather than purely social events. For example, I enjoy the conversations I have when working alongside other moms & teens at the local food bank, where we are free to converse, but somehow the very environment takes our topics of discussion out of the superficial range, and the reason for our gathering is purposeful.

 

We have relocated many times and every time I've had to crack a new social circle, it's gotten harder. Harder to be vulnerable and let people get to know me. Harder to stop longing for faraway friends who already "get" me. Harder to face the realization that after all these years the conversations are generally still stuck on things like popular television, celebrity gossip, and the latest trends in purses, toenail polish and hair cuts. Harder to even want to make the effort at all.

 

I still keep trying. As my kids get older, my relationships with them have become richer and more interesting. I am learning what God really means when He says to rely on Him alone. And my anticipation for heaven grows.

 

:grouphug: You are not a freak. Please don't dwell on that!

 

Wow, you nailed it.

[Farrar]

I don't know that I have much to add to the conversation, just to say that I think introversion is massively misunderstood since the majority of the world is extroverts. On a couple of occasions, I've had people tell me that I needed professional help because I didn't want to socialize anymore. And I actually enjoy socializing, but I know that it can really wear me out pretty fast and that I would much rather hide in my house sometimes. Thank goodness my dh is even more introverted than me.

 

So, just, :grouphug: and if you're otherwise happy with your level of social interaction don't let anyone tell you that there's some "right" level or you're in need of "help." And I think that modeling taking care of your own psyche and advocating for your own personal needs is probably the best thing you can do for your dc. If they want to be more extroverted, then encourage them to do so, but that doesn't mean you have to be!

[AuntieM]

Wow, you nailed it.

 

Told ya, you aren't alone. ;)

 

BTW, I didn't answer your basic question. I will change it just a bit, though:

 

At what point does the introvert become UNsocial (to a fault)?

 

When instead of deeply not wanting to try, she actually starts refusing to make any effort whatsoever. That's my answer, based on when I have felt that the line dividing healthy and unhealthy has been crossed. YMMV.

 

You don't have to get out there and do everything. But don't be content with nothing, either. Set your parameters and make the effort. It may be hard, but it will be beneficial. I have no doubt you will be a blessing to others whether you intend to or not. :)

[luvbnhome2]

I have gone from being a total social being to preferring to only be around my family. I have ALWAYS been a homebody, but had always enjoyed friends being around-now I just like to be home with only the four of us. I do have a large family-my mom has 4 siblings-so even as a little girls, family functions were most of our social events. I still love those. What I no longer like nor pretend to like is hanging out with friends or chatting with friends on the phone. I love my husband and love my kids and relish the time with them. This is also true of my mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, and aunts, cousins, my brother and his kids. I LOVE being with my family. It is comfortable and laid back. There is a ton of laughter and we all really like being together. But when that is not going on, I do not care to do anything else. I do not worry about myself and my husband is already the loner type-in fact I enbrace it as this is what my life is meant to be. I hate going to functions outside of one or two close friends-and that is mostly for my dds. I realize that they need social outlets, so for that I do make an effort. I would not worry about it yet-unless you get to the point that you never want to leave your house. Some of us just need to be home and to be quiet at times. I do think that when I go through tougher times or am adjusting emotionally, I tend to somewhat withdraw, and each time something like that happens, I stay a little bit more to myself and with my family. I have let go of two close friends in the last year just because I came to terms with the fact that it was too much effort to keep those friendships up. One of them was so controlling and the other(who I could still pick up the phone and call today and we would be okay) wanted to talk on the phone CONSTANTLY for hours. Her children are older and she is not married. I just cannot do that. I gave myself permission to let go of those relationships. I have one really good friend that I talk to every couple of weeks and that is enough for me. Do you enjoy outings with only your husband and children? Do you enjoy shopping or going to the library? If so, then I would not worry too much. I think some of us just become more introspective as we get older.

[jazzyfizzle]

Well then I'll join your freak club too Daisy. I don't need to be around people all the time. I don't need to text and be on the phone talking to someone constantly. I like my space and I like my privacy. I rejuvinate when I'm alone and I despise "entertaining". I, like you hate mindless chatter. I also really dislike women who get together to talk about their husbands and how fat they are just so these woman can tell you you don't look fat (which you probaby are) and your husband is a jerk. I am comfortable in my own skin and going places with my family and not with a "group". I thank the people who open doors for me and do likewise. I go where I need to and when I need to but I don't go all the time. I LIKE to be home. I don't like fancy talk about who has what and how much they have and I don't like listening to people who ONLY talk about themselves with no concern for others. I am confortable with myself being this way. I don't feel the need to be like everyone else.

 

 

This would be my post word for word. :iagree:

[saja1029]

Well, Daisy...as my husband would say, "It is...what it is..."

 

I am introverted...and I think it has gotten worse since having kids and maybe even a little worse with homeschooling. What sucks...is feeling like something is wrong with you because you aren't as social or don't enjoy parties, etc. I enjoy being with my family and avoiding others "drama" and that's what is important at the end of the day (at least to me!) :)

[AprilTN]

I am somewhere on that fine line between introvert and unsocial. I am a friendly person but it completely wears me out to be in a smalltalk situation for very long. I also don't want to make friends that are very social, because they don't seem to "get" me. I don't care about most things that people small talk about anyway.

 

I am so fortunate that I have a group of a few friends, all homeschool moms, that are extremely forgiving of my introverted personality. I've known these women for years, some of them my whole life, and they are absolute treasures to me. I could cry thinking about it. BUT, I have let go of many potential friends because they were too pushy or wanted to be surrounded by lots of people and needed tons of interaction to stay friends. I can't and won't do that. I love my very un-needy and easy to please friends.

 

I also have resigned to the fact that I take a very long time to say someone is my "friend". The times that I have made a friend really quickly, it has backfired.

 

BTW, I love your blog, and I love reading your posts. I feel like we are kindred spirits!