WWYD - embarrassing social situation

[JennifersLost]

This situation sorted itself out, but I found myself wondering what other people would have done.

 

I take my ds13 and dd9 to an indoor archery range each week. A 13 yo girl we know goes there, too. She is very sweet and a little socially clueless. This week she had on a pair of skinny jeans that rode fairly low on the waist.

 

She was standing next to my son when I noticed that every time she pulled back to shoot an arrow, her t-shirt rode up and exposed the top half of her butt. Seriously - the entire top half. She needed to hike up those jeans!

 

Her butt was in plain view of my son. I don't know if he noticed (I don't see how he could not have noticed). If he did, he behaved himself very well and kept his eyes on the (archery) target.

 

There were other grown men standing around. I was mortified for her, for my son, for me....

 

And I had no idea what to do. I didn't want to embarrass her and didn't want to not embarrass her. A few minutes later her parent (a man) came to tell her it was time to go, so I didn't need to do anything.

 

What would you have done?

[myfunnybunch]

I probably would have done the same thing you did. I'd like to think I'd say something to the young lady, but probably I wouldn't have. And kudos to your ds for not noticing or pretending not to. Mine are younger, and sure as shootin' one of them probably would have said loudly, "Mom, why is her butt showing in public?"

 

Perhaps that's why her parent decided it was time to go, so that she could go home and change and have that conversation in a non-public place to prevent embarrassing her further.

 

Cat

[Hedgehog]

I would probably have had to deal with DS5 saying loudly: "mummy, that girl needs to pull her trousers (pants) up!" :D

[Margo out of lurking]

I would have taken her aside and told her, "Honey, please know that when you shoot your arrows, your shirt lifts up, and the whole top half of your rear end shows. You may want to be sure you pull up your pants right before you shoot, and if you wear these pants next time, wear a belt."

 

If this were my dd, it's what I would expect someone to kindly tell her.

 

ETA: In the past, I would have been more reluctant to say anything, I'd have been embarrassed myself. But I've worked in the children's dept. at our library for the past two years, and I have much more confidence in speaking to unknown children in public.

Edited November 17, 2010 by Kristine out of lurking

[bettyandbob]

I approached a 13 yog a couple of years ago who was wearing a bikini top that completely revealed her breasts if you viewed her looking up. Front on you would notice a little, but when she stood on the pool deck and you looked up you could see everything. The reason I talked to her is because she was playing with a group of boys ages 10-14, jumping in and out of the deep end and running around. She was giving them quite view. I approached her politely and told her I was concerned her bathing suit was not fitting well and told her what I could see. The girl spent some time trying to adjust the suit. Eventually she began wearing more of a sport bra swim top.

 

I think sometimes girls don't understand how much people see and they don't understand that this exposure could make them a target.

[Chris in VA]

Just wanted to say it's nice to hear from you! :001_smile:

[Harriet Vane]

Just wanted to say it's nice to hear from you! :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

 

Re your situation: I would probably have done as you did. However, I'd like to think I should take her gently aside and told her in a just-us-girls kind of way.

[unsinkable]

This situation sorted itself out, but I found myself wondering what other people would have done.

 

I take my ds13 and dd9 to an indoor archery range each week. A 13 yo girl we know goes there, too. She is very sweet and a little socially clueless. This week she had on a pair of skinny jeans that rode fairly low on the waist.

 

She was standing next to my son when I noticed that every time she pulled back to shoot an arrow, her t-shirt rode up and exposed the top half of her butt. Seriously - the entire top half. She needed to hike up those jeans!

 

Her butt was in plain view of my son. I don't know if he noticed (I don't see how he could not have noticed). If he did, he behaved himself very well and kept his eyes on the (archery) target.

 

There were other grown men standing around. I was mortified for her, for my son, for me....

 

And I had no idea what to do. I didn't want to embarrass her and didn't want to not embarrass her. A few minutes later her parent (a man) came to tell her it was time to go, so I didn't need to do anything.

 

What would you have done?

 

Can you call her now and tell her privately over the phone?

[Laurie4b]

I would have whispered to her that her pants were riding down.

[Rebecca VA]

You'd be doing her a service by telling her. She may not have a mother (or a mother with any common sense) to tell her how to dress properly.

 

Even if she doesn't take the information well, she'll still think about it, later.

[jujsky]

If I knew the girl, I probably would have leaned over and whispered, "Sweetie, you might want to hike up your pants. Your butt is showing."

[eternalknot]

I would have taken her aside and told her, "Honey, please know that when you shoot your arrows, your shirt lifts up, and the whole top half of your rear end shows. You may want to be sure you pull up your pants right before you shoot, and if you wear these pants next time, wear a belt."

 

If this were my dd, it's what I would expect someone to kindly tell her.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I'm that person that always tells someone because if our roles were reversed, I'd always want to know! I've been on both ends, so I try to stick to the whole Golden Rule thing. The key is to be discreet and empathetic :D

 

I'd also hope that someone would tell my young daughter. It might not even be a sense of mother not having any sense per se; mom may just not know what style or fits are best worn for archery, if she, herself, doesn't shoot.

[AngelaNYC]

I would have taken her aside and told her, "Honey, please know that when you shoot your arrows, your shirt lifts up, and the whole top half of your rear end shows. You may want to be sure you pull up your pants right before you shoot, and if you wear these pants next time, wear a belt."

 

If this were my dd, it's what I would expect someone to kindly tell her.

 

 

 

:iagree: Absolutely this. I have no problems telling someone something I'd hope they would tell me. Of course I'd do it as discreetly as possible.

[mommaduck]

I probably would have done the same thing you did. I'd like to think I'd say something to the young lady, but probably I wouldn't have. And kudos to your ds for not noticing or pretending not to. Mine are younger, and sure as shootin' one of them probably would have said loudly, "Mom, why is her butt showing in public?"

 

Perhaps that's why her parent decided it was time to go, so that she could go home and change and have that conversation in a non-public place to prevent embarrassing her further.

 

Cat

I would presume this. Especially if it was a male parent and there were plenty of males around. He may have realised that she was in an, unbeknownst to her, awkward situation ;)

[mommaduck]

If I knew the girl, I probably would have leaned over and whispered, "Sweetie, you might want to hike up your pants. Your butt is showing."

This, if no parent had rescued her first.

[Journey]

Okay, really, why didn't you say something to her? The poor thing probably didn't know her fanny was showing and she would probably have been so embarrassed if she did. Even if she was wearing the tight pants to "attract" boys, I really doubt she wanted her rear end hanging out for all to see. I totally would have taken her aside and said something, to not have said anything would have been wrong. Please guys, when you see something that isn't quite right, SAY SOMETHING! Wouldn't you want someone telling you your fly was open or your fanny was on display for all to see? I sure would!

[alpidarkomama]

Offered her a pair of suspenders? :blushing:

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

If I knew the girl, I probably would have leaned over and whispered, "Sweetie, you might want to hike up your pants. Your butt is showing."

[OregonNative]

I would have taken her aside and told her, "Honey, please know that when you shoot your arrows, your shirt lifts up, and the whole top half of your rear end shows. You may want to be sure you pull up your pants right before you shoot, and if you wear these pants next time, wear a belt."

 

I would have done this as well.

[Mabelen]

I would have whispered to her that her pants were riding down.

 

Yup. I would have liked to be told if I were her.

[Garga]

After a minute or two (to see if she noticed on her own), I would have felt obligated to tell her. I would feel horrible if I didn't. I'd want someone to tell me.

[Mejane]

The poor thing probably didn't know her fanny was showing and she would probably have been so embarrassed if she did.

 

I'm not so sure about this, but I would've said something to her.

[Sparkle]

Yes, I might just have offered her an extra sweater or something to tie around her waist, just a "Hey, hon, you look like you could use an extra layer" kind of thing. I would appreciate somebody telling me, in a nice way, of course.

[Brilliant]

I would have whispered something to her. I occasionally do this even with people I don't know, if I think it's something they'd want to fix. I had to discreetly tell a woman in Costco a few months ago that her pants were split in the back. :blink: She was mortified but so happy I told her!

[Brenda in FL]

I would have told her, discreetly. Especially if I was already acquainted with her. (In fact, I have done so for before in a similar situation.)

[Heatherwith4]

Hmm...I sorta wonder how somebody couldn't know that half their butt was showing. I think I would try to get her away from the others and discreetly let her know. I'm pretty non-confrontational, but I'd want to be told myself.

[tex-mex]

I would have taken her aside and told her, "Honey, please know that when you shoot your arrows, your shirt lifts up, and the whole top half of your rear end shows. You may want to be sure you pull up your pants right before you shoot, and if you wear these pants next time, wear a belt."

 

If this were my dd, it's what I would expect someone to kindly tell her.

 

 

As a former schoolteacher, this happens often to older schoolgirls and inappropriate types of dress. Which is why many schools have dress codes. I learned to politely take them to a corner or outside and kindly inform them the dress/shorts/pants are not appropriate. Or it looks embarrassing. I let them call home for a change of clothes by recess. Many thank me for it. One time a poor girl was harrassed at recess by mean girls for an ill-fitting (she thought she looked stylish, but it did not look good) pair of pants that revealed too much butt. Aiiiiyeeee.

[JennifersLost]

So many answers - I kind of lost track of this post.

 

Yes - I agree. I SHOULD have said something. Thank goodness her dad came and dealt with the issue. I'm pretty shy, though, so that kind of thing is difficult for me.

[Lovedtodeath]

I'd want someone to tell me.

I am not sure about this, honestly.

[Jeanne in MN]

I am scratching my head wondering, too, how she couldn't tell her butt was exposed. I'd probably spend oodles of time debating whether I should say something or not. If she seemed a little socially awkward, I might have said something. If she seemed like a "cool" teenager, I probably would have felt more likely to not say anything. I do know we've had girls in church (at different times) before with super short skirts and shorts and I so wanted to say something, but couldn't.

 

Hmm...I sorta wonder how somebody couldn't know that half their butt was showing. I think I would try to get her away from the others and discreetly let her know. I'm pretty non-confrontational, but I'd want to be told myself.