PLEASE PRAY/positive thoughts, etc. ds 15/gun

[Denisemomof4]

when he got home today I asked him if anything was said to the kid. He said that he told him that he was really upset with the stupid thing he did. The kid laughed about it like it was all a big game. It sickens me he doesn't realize how SERIOUS this is. Another kid was nearby and sided with ds, telling him he was WRONG to do that.

 

Dh and I are very upset about it all. Dh is on his way over right now. We don't know their last name, dh is going to talk to the other father. I hope he's there, if not he'll talk to the mother.

 

I'm so worried. Ds has had two HUGE anger meltdowns since his double concussion. I'm SO worried tonight may be a third. I told him today that we need to talk to the father, he insists we don't. Dh and I know ds will never come around, so he left and ds will find out about it later. I feel sick to my stomach.

 

I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts that the father will be there, that he will realize the seriousness of it all, and that the ds will realize how serious it is. I also ask for prayers that my son understand this is something we HAD to do, and that he not get too angry.

 

I'm shaking like a leaf, over what will come, and over the fact that the kid is still laughing about it.

 

ETA: This has been resolved but I'm moving this up for others to see. I still have people posting on my original thread.

 

Why did I have to complicate things by starting a new thread? :blush:

Edited November 15, 2010 by Denisemomof4

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry, Denise that your family is having to go through this. You and your husband are right that this is something for the adults to handle now. The kids are not mature enough or cognizant of their own mortality enough to really understand what the big deal is. They need parents to do that for them. :grouphug:

[Gratia271]

:grouphug:

I will pray for you and for your son. I cannot imagine how this is tearing you apart having to do something you know is right yet against your son's wishes. Hopefully, he will come to understand you had to do this. :grouphug:

[MyLittleWonders]

:grouphug: Prayers for you all. :grouphug:

[jujsky]

You absolutely did the right thing, Denise. Please keep us updated. I hope your son will come to understand why you had to do this.

[freethinkermama]

when he got home today I asked him if anything was said to the kid. He said that he told him that he was really upset with the stupid thing he did. The kid laughed about it like it was all a big game. It sickens me he doesn't realize how SERIOUS this is. Another kid was nearby and sided with ds, telling him he was WRONG to do that.

 

Dh and I are very upset about it all. Dh is on his way over right now. We don't know their last name, dh is going to talk to the other father. I hope he's there, if not he'll talk to the mother.

 

I'm so worried. Ds has had two HUGE anger meltdowns since his double concussion. I'm SO worried tonight may be a third. I told him today that we need to talk to the father, he insists we don't. Dh and I know ds will never come around, so he left and ds will find out about it later. I feel sick to my stomach.

 

I am asking for prayers and positive thoughts that the father will be there, that he will realize the seriousness of it all, and that the ds will realize how serious it is. I also ask for prayers that my son understand this is something we HAD to do, and that he not get too angry.

 

I'm shaking like a leaf, over what will come, and over the fact that the kid is still laughing about it.

 

:grouphug:

 

I do hope this father is a responsible, reasonable man. My own father was law enforcement--a game warden. We had all sorts of weapons in the house. He would have blown a gasket if any of us kids had been so so STUPID!

 

I hope the best. Hang in there, Mama!

[Gwenhwyfar]

i hope the talk between the fathers goes well and that your son can understand why it's necessary. :grouphug:

 

ps: it's entirely possible that the other kid was laughing about it there so as to 'save face' in front of the guys...know what i mean? he'll likely be singing a different tune once his dad gets to him.

[Carol in Cal.]

Praying now.

[Carrie12345]

:grouphug:

Teenagers always feel so invincible. Perhaps he'll come to realize how important it is that this other boy get a wake up call before he repeats that craziness on someone else, with different results.

:grouphug:

[MamaT]

:grouphug: Praying, Denise. If the father is in law enforcement, surely he will understand how serious this is. Your son may not get it right now and may get angry at you, but I bet he will understand and thank you when he is older and a little more mature.

[Laurie4b]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry, Denise that your family is having to go through this. You and your husband are right that this is something for the adults to handle now. The kids are not mature enough or cognizant of their own mortality enough to really understand what the big deal is. They need parents to do that for them. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Denisemomof4]

Breathing a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE sigh of relief here. Thank you everyone, SO MUCH.

 

The parents definitely realized the seriousness of it all. The father was upset and told dh that he's a police officer and he trains police officers. He was horrified over this. He said NOBODY is allowed in the house when they're not home. Yesterday he left to run an errand and when he returned, he heard the scurrying upstairs. His son was already spoken to about having kids in the house. Today brought this to an entire new level.

 

Dh did not go in there with an accusatory tone and he was received well. The mother was very concerned and she stated that she feels that her son goes beyond anything that is normal to fit in with the "cool" crowd. Ds says the kid is a really good kid when they're alone but that he definitely tries too hard to stand out in a crowd. They talked for a bit and then dh came back home. Within 5 minutes the phone rang. The kid called to apologize and told him it would never happen again.

 

I was so worked up but ds really handled it all well. He came up and asked us if we talked to the kid, dh said no. But I stood in and told him all that had taken place. I told him that I just couldn't live with myself if he got hurt, or worse, or if something happened to another kid. Ds was calm, not happy but calm, and acted like a wonderful young man.

 

I kind of bribed him. I made one of our families favorite meals and as he chomped on my turkey cutlets we had this frank discussion. He kept asking if he could have more :001_smile: and I told him yes, I made plenty.

 

Whhheeeeeeeeeeeeeewww. Life is good.

 

Thanks everyone. Thanks SO MUCH!!!!!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

ETA: (before anyone calls me on this!) Dh did NOT talk to the kid, so he didn't lie when he said this. In fact, he never saw the kid.

 

Also, I was horrified to hear the parents tell dh that this kid's uncle accidentally shot himself while he was cleaning his gun. This uncle knows guns well and uses them regularly and this STILL happened. The dad was sharing this because he was shocked at what his son had done. He said he knew EXACTLY how the guns are put away and that he was going to go check them. Apparently the parents do leave the kid with a small gun when everyone is away and they have been robbed before. I think this is why.

Edited November 13, 2010 by Denisemomof4

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm glad that it went well between the parents. And I think bribing your son through his stomach was wise;) I'm glad that the boy called to apologize. I would caution you to well, be cautious with this boy. There may be some flack between the boys when no adults are around. He may not really have learned his lesson. You don't have to be paranoid about it but just not naive.

[Heatherwith4]

:grouphug: I'm praying for the whole situation.

[Jennifer in MI]

Breathing a sigh of relief with you! I was trying to catch up on the other thread and couldn't read it all. I was SO happy to see this thread and get an update!!!!

 

I'll keep praying for you all! Thank God for teenaged boys and their appetites!!!

[mcconnellboys]

I am concerned that your son is having residual problems from a concussion. Have you had him thoroughly checked out regarding this?

[Denisemomof4]

this kid's dad is HIGH CLASS. He just called again. He said that his son has NO idea where he (dad) heard all of this. The dad went to the son and said, "I know what you did, don't deny it. I want to hear it from you." The kid is insisting the gun was empty but is not trusting his son's word. He's a very wise man. He also said that if talk is already happening in school day, he's expecting it to spread, and he's expecting to get a call from the school. He's not upset with us in ANY way at all. He's fully supportive, apologetic, etc. And he wanted to make sure his son called to apologize, which he did.

 

He also told us his son would not be available to hang out after school for awhile. He's going to be grounded for some time.

 

These parents are such good people. They never, ever mentioned my son or dh. They are respecting that dh said our son didn't know dh was there. They are keeping that to themselves. I am so touched by this. Dh didn't mention that ds already knew (and I told him he should have) but went to ds to tell him the kid has NO idea how his dad found out.

 

I was so worked up. I am SO impressed by these parents.

 

and yes, we're trying to get ds evaluated for his concussions. I want he and I both to go to the Amen clinics but won't spend the money while ds is still taking risks (skateboarding without a helmet, riding a bike without a helmet, etc.) I'm not sitting on this, I'm just not having luck finding help.

[GraciebytheBay]

I am SO relieved for you! It is wonderful when parents behave as parents. You will sleep so much better tonight!:001_smile:

[freethinkermama]

Breathing a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE sigh of relief here. Thank you everyone, SO MUCH.

 

The parents definitely realized the seriousness of it all. The father was upset and told dh that he's a police officer and he trains police officers. He was horrified over this. He said NOBODY is allowed in the house when they're not home. Yesterday he left to run an errand and when he returned, he heard the scurrying upstairs. His son was already spoken to about having kids in the house. Today brought this to an entire new level.

 

Dh did not go in there with an accusatory tone and he was received well. The mother was very concerned and she stated that she feels that her son goes beyond anything that is normal to fit in with the "cool" crowd. Ds says the kid is a really good kid when they're alone but that he definitely tries too hard to stand out in a crowd. They talked for a bit and then dh came back home. Within 5 minutes the phone rang. The kid called to apologize and told him it would never happen again.

 

I was so worked up but ds really handled it all well. He came up and asked us if we talked to the kid, dh said no. But I stood in and told him all that had taken place. I told him that I just couldn't live with myself if he got hurt, or worse, or if something happened to another kid. Ds was calm, not happy but calm, and acted like a wonderful young man.

 

I kind of bribed him. I made one of our families favorite meals and as he chomped on my turkey cutlets we had this frank discussion. He kept asking if he could have more :001_smile: and I told him yes, I made plenty.

 

Whhheeeeeeeeeeeeeewww. Life is good.

 

Thanks everyone. Thanks SO MUCH!!!!!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

ETA: (before anyone calls me on this!) Dh did NOT talk to the kid, so he didn't lie when he said this. In fact, he never saw the kid.

 

Also, I was horrified to hear the parents tell dh that this kid's uncle accidentally shot himself while he was cleaning his gun. This uncle knows guns well and uses them regularly and this STILL happened. The dad was sharing this because he was shocked at what his son had done. He said he knew EXACTLY how the guns are put away and that he was going to go check them. Apparently the parents do leave the kid with a small gun when everyone is away and they have been robbed before. I think this is why.

 

Good job!

Glad it turned out like it did.

I'm not surprised that it was some sort of deception thing on the son's part. I still think it's darn weird that the parents leave the kid with a loaded gun and tell him it's there for him in case robbers come. Stupid, frankly. Kid's more likely to kill a friend than kill a bad guy. . . . Maybe this will help wake up the parents too.

But, yay! You done good :) Your DH, too!

 

Couple things: Around my neck of the woods "accidentally killed self cleaning gun" is euphemism for suicide. Also, a 10 year old boy in our local homeschool community just killed his best friend with a handgun earlier this year. I'm so glad things worked out better for you! You may have saved some other child.

Edited November 13, 2010 by freethinkermama
* things

[jenL]

Denise, I have been following this from your other thread. I am SO incredibly thankful that it has turned out well with the other boy's parents. Your update was a breath of fresh air in what could have been a terribly tragic situation. I'm so glad the other parents are receptive, confidential, and concerned.

 

Hopefully, you will find some peace tonight and be able to get a full night's rest. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[jujsky]

I'm so glad the parents listened and handled it well. WTG to your DH! Sounds like he approached it reasonably and was well-received.

 

Okay, breathe now, Denise ;)

[scrappyhappymama]

So glad that you've gotten a reasonable and responsible response from the other boy's parents.

 

I'm glad the dad hasn't spilled the beans about how he knows, but really, there are only a few options here. I'd certainly be on guard for any repercussions from the boy toward your son. It's probably a good thing he'll be restricted from hanging out with friends for a while.

 

Couple things: Around my neck of the woods "accidentally killed self cleaning gun" is euphemism for suicide.

 

Certainly possible. However, it is also possible for someone to accidentally discharge a handgun while cleaning it. I know, because I was in the room with someone who did shoot himself while cleaning his gun. By God's grace, neither of us were killed, and his wound was minor. And my friend is to this day regretful for his carelessness.

[Heatherwith4]

I'm glad that it went well between the parents. And I think bribing your son through his stomach was wise;) I'm glad that the boy called to apologize. I would caution you to well, be cautious with this boy. There may be some flack between the boys when no adults are around. He may not really have learned his lesson. You don't have to be paranoid about it but just not naive.

:iagree:

[RamonaQ]

Thank goodness!!!!!

[Coffeetime]

Good job!

I still think it's darn weird that the parents leave the kid with a loaded gun and tell him it's there for him in case robbers come. Stupid, frankly

 

Just wanted to point out- I know people in law enforcement. They constantly receive threats on their life and their family's lives from people they arrest. Mostly, it's just written off as dumb people who are angry about being put away- but there's always the chance that someone's going to get out of jail and make good on those threats. I'm positive that this is why the parents are perhaps more proactive when it comes to home defense- especially if they are gone.

 

Although I agree in this case it was poor judgement on their part, because this kid obviously has serious issues and is NOT mature enough to handle such a resposibility. So glad this has all turned out well! What a scary situation.

Edited November 13, 2010 by Coffeetime

[angela in ohio]

I still think it's darn weird that the parents leave the kid with a loaded gun and tell him it's there for him in case robbers come. Stupid, frankly. Kid's more likely to kill a friend than kill a bad guy. . . .

 

This kid... probably. But in general, a 15 yo should be able to responsibly use a gun for self-defense. Of course, we live in the land of hunting and shooting sports, so kids around here have more training than most.

 

If the parents know that in other situations, the boy is not level-headed, they need to treat him as such when it comes to guns, though, too. He should not be left alone overnight to begin with, if he has issues like this, and he should not be left home with access to guns. A lot of people are wuick to say when their child is mature for their age, but more people need to be ready to own up when they have a child who is immature for their age. Even if he's 15, he obviously can't handle responsibilities that a 15 yo normally could.

Edited November 13, 2010 by angela in ohio

[Tammyla]

Thank you for the update.

 

I understand your ds's position, but he wouldn't return to their home as long as the other young man had free access to a gun.

[sparrow]

Great update! I'm happy to hear the other boy's family was responsive.

 

We recently had to take something up with the parents of two teenage boys regarding an issue at our business. We were so relieved, and happy, with the response from the parents and the boys. In a time when all you hear about is disrespect and unresponsive parents, it is sooo nice to be pleasantly surprised by the opposite.

[dangermom]

I'm so glad this has worked out in, really, the best way you could have hoped for.

 

 

Certainly possible. However, it is also possible for someone to accidentally discharge a handgun while cleaning it. I know, because I was in the room with someone who did shoot himself while cleaning his gun. By God's grace, neither of us were killed, and his wound was minor. And my friend is to this day regretful for his carelessness.

Yes, but the thing is, the very first thing you do when cleaning a gun is to unload it so you can't accidentally shoot yourself. With the people I know 'shot himself while cleaning the gun' is a euphemism for 'was fooling around with the gun in an idiotic manner.' I mean, the person was often really showing off or doing something really dumb, and saying it happened while cleaning kind of covers it up a bit.

[Catwoman]

I would caution you to well, be cautious with this boy. There may be some flack between the boys when no adults are around. He may not really have learned his lesson. You don't have to be paranoid about it but just not naive.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I'm so relieved to hear that everything went so well between your dh and the boy's parents, Denise! I'm sure they are absolutely horrified about what happened, and hopefully your dh's visit will prevent a future tragedy. I'm hoping the father will be sure he doesn't have access to the gun any more, because let's face it, if this kid is irresponsible with a gun, even if he's alone in the house, something awful could happen. What if he decides to act out his favorite video game or movie scene, and ends up shooting himself? It doesn't sound like he has a realistic concept of what could happen, so I doubt he will worry much about safety.

 

It sounds like this kid has some issues, so I hope your ds is able to avoid being around him very often. Fortunately, you now know that the kid is not allowed to have anyone in his home when his parents aren't there, so even once the boy isn't grounded anymore, your ds will have no reason to go to his home with the other kids -- they can all go to someone else's house, instead.

 

Cat

[Teachin'Mine]

Denise I'm so glad that all went well with the parents handling the situation. You and your husband may have saved someone's life.

 

I'm sure you've read everything about concussions and are way more knowledgeable about them than me who just googled for the first time, but what I read has me so concerned for your son. This link talks about the temperament change with quick anger and it also talks about how crucial it is to prevent further head trauma while still recovering from a concussion. Maybe you and your husband could discuss the seriousness of his situation with him so he'd be less likely to do what he's doing, or at the very least to wear a helmet. And I'm sure you've already done all of this - so I'm praying. :)

 

http://www.canton.k12.pa.us/1411201227309427/lib/1411201227309427/ConcussionSeriousKeepMeCurr10-5-05.pdf

[DarlaS]

Couple things: Around my neck of the woods "accidentally killed self cleaning gun" is euphemism for suicide.

 

It can be--unless the person shot themselves in the foot, then it's just a euphemism for dumbs$h*t preventable accident.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It can be--unless the person shot themselves in the foot, then it's just a euphemism for dumbs$h*t preventable accident.

 

Or the groin. We've had a couple of those in our area. Ouch!

[Denisemomof4]

I should have kept the update with my original thread. Just moving this up so others can see it was dealt with. :001_smile:

[lionfamily1999]

Praying right now.

[Denisemomof4]

Praying right now.

 

oh, thank you and I'm sorry! This took place on Friday but I'm moving this up because people are responding to the original thread and not seeing how it all played out. I guess I should have kept them all together in ONE thread.

 

I'll go update this on the front page so all can see that it's been resolved. I can breathe easily as this boy is grounded but dh and I have more talking to do about the future.

[QuirkyKapers]

I am so thankful to hear that it turned out well. :grouphug: I can't imagine how stressful your weekend must have been.

 

I think I would really try and get your son more connected with other kids his age. That way, when the time comes and the other friend is ungrounded, well, your son won't care as much or maybe not even be interested because of his other friendships. You know kids are fickle and friendships can change on a dime :D

[lionfamily1999]

oh, thank you and I'm sorry! This took place on Friday but I'm moving this up because people are responding to the original thread and not seeing how it all played out. I guess I should have kept them all together in ONE thread.

 

I'll go update this on the front page so all can see that it's been resolved. I can breathe easily as this boy is grounded but dh and I have more talking to do about the future.

:lol: I caught on a little late and went ahead with a prayer of thanksgiving ;)