s/o of raising a racist thread

[hsmom27]

At what age should a child of typical intelligence and without vision problems begin to distinguish between people of different races? And if they persisted in not being able to correctly identify different races, at what age would you become concerned? Thanks.

[Nakia]

I don't know exactly how to answer because it's just not something we talk about much. People are people. That said, I think each of my girls have mentioned people with "brown" skin at around age 4 or so.

[kalanamak]

At what age should a child of typical intelligence and without vision problems begin to distinguish between people of different races? And if they persisted in not being able to correctly identify different races, at what age would you become concerned? Thanks.

 

I don't know, but I was holding a biracial 10 month old at a zoo. I and mama are blonde, and we were in a sea of white and hispanic people. One black man, older, in a zoo uniform, went by and this child piped PAPA very loudly. The guy looked nothing like Papa except skin color.

[sweetbasil]

Infants can distinguish between dark and light. It helps them find the "target" for nursing ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, I'm 46 and I sometimes have trouble identifying someone's race. Is someone a very light skinned African American? A darker skinned caucasian? Hispanic? Asian? My husband is often mistaken for Chinese or Mexican - he's Filipino. I'd rather focus on identifying someone's character.

[OrganicAnn]

And kids can easily make mistakes. My DD 6 thought a girl she knows was African American. The girl has a Caucasian mother and an Asian American father. The girl like like a 6 year old Aubrey Hepburn.

[Dobela]

Well, I'm 46 and I sometimes have trouble identifying someone's race. Is someone a very light skinned African American? A darker skinned caucasian? Hispanic? Asian? My husband is often mistaken for Chinese or Mexican - he's Filipino. I'd rather focus on identifying someone's character.

Absolutely. Even within ethnic groups are variations and differences that can be vast. Some ethnic groups are very similar. Why should we have to distinguish between them?

[Rosie_0801]

I would start wondering if my kid didn't know her colours by the end of pre-school. I would never be concerned if my kid couldn't distinguish between races. I would think it a bit odd, wouldn't care. But I'm not American.

 

Rosie

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would start wondering if my kid didn't know her colours by the end of pre-school. I would never be concerned if my kid couldn't distinguish between races. I would think it a bit odd, wouldn't care. But I'm not American.

 

Rosie

 

What would being American have to do with it? (Not said in a snarky "voice" but truly wondering).

[Heather in Neverland]

My youngest ds is Korean. He truly did not "get" a difference between himself and the rest of our family until he was 5yo even though we have told him from the start that he is Korean, showed him where S. Korea is on a map, etc. Once we got here and he met other Korean kids he finally started to ask questions. But there are kids from 28 different countries at his school so it is a great place to learn about different ethnicities.

[Rosie_0801]

This appears to be a uniquely American concern. Race is very meaningful to Americans in ways that I'm not aware of in any other cultural group. (Not that I'm an expert on anyone except Australians, but I do read around a bit.)

 

Rosie

[Joker]

My youngest ds is Korean. He truly did not "get" a difference between himself and the rest of our family until he was 5yo even though we have told him from the start that he is Korean, showed him where S. Korea is on a map, etc. Once we got here and he met other Korean kids he finally started to ask questions. But there are kids from 28 different countries at his school so it is a great place to learn about different ethnicities.

 

My dh is the baby of six and is the only non-adopted child in the family. His parents and he are caucasion but all of his siblings are of different races/ethnicities. He said he didn't get that is was unusual until he went to Kindergarten. He just didn't realize that all families didn't have people of all colors in them.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Nothing to add to the thread but I had to comment on this:

 

He just didn't realize that all families didn't have people of all colors in them.

 

That is the sweetest thing! Oh, if it were really like that.

[dangermom]

I don't think my kids noticed that their aunts and cousins are Asian (or biracial) for quite some time. My 7yo may still be fuzzy on that; she knows about Korea and so on, but I'm not sure she's clear on the differences between white and Asian people.

[jewellsmommy]

Our dd does not distinguish well either. We were at a water park and there was a well tanned Japanese (I believe) man. Dd (7 yrs at the time) said "oh he looks like Grampy." My dad (grampy) is Melungeon/Native American decent. But, in her defense, he has been mistaken as both hispanic and arabic before. :lol: So, I don't think children are the only ones who are unable to delineate the finer differences. It really doesn't matter to me other than the fact that I don't want her to offend someone. She will describe people as pink, peach, or brown. She argues that there are no "white" people and there are no "black" people. She is quite stubborn. I have asked various black people that we know well if it bothers them when a child says brown. All but one said it was not a big deal because its a kid thing. The other said it was very offensive and people should train their children better. So, ever since then, it has made me a bit nervous that dd persists in her current descriptions.

[texasmama]

My four year old doesn't notice anyone's race nor the color of their skin that I have picked up on. My seven and nine year olds will describe someone as being "brown" if they don't know the person's name, but I think they only notice if someone's skin color is much different from ours. (We are caucasian.) We have friends of many races, and our church is very multiculural. I don't think they would have any idea what "Hispanic" means, for instance. They do know that some people speak different languages - particularly Spanish (since we are in Texas, this is pretty common). Honestly, I don't think any of my three youngest kids take much note of anyone's race or skin color.

[Heather in Neverland]

My dh is the baby of six and is the only non-adopted child in the family. His parents and he are caucasion but all of his siblings are of different races/ethnicities. He said he didn't get that is was unusual until he went to Kindergarten. He just didn't realize that all families didn't have people of all colors in them.

 

When we adopted our daughter who is Indian (Tamil) my ds said "her skin is kinda brown like mine!" :D He knows that he is Korean now and that Natalie is Indian but he still doesn't see it as being different than any other family. Of course, again, being in an environment of so many different ethnicities helps because there is no one dominant race here. You could say it is "Asian" but our Asians are of so many different countries you can barely keep track!

[scrappyhappymama]

She will describe people as pink, peach, or brown.

 

My children do this as well. My husband is Hispanic and I am a very fair-skinned caucasian. One of our sons is a nice mix of our skin tones, two are very fair(!) and one has my husband's coloring. So they often comment on and debate how peach or tan or brown our family members are.

 

Our oldest played on a flag football team when he was 5. There were two other boys from hispanic familes, but both were much darker than our son. And all of the other players were black. (side note- I tend to shy away from the African-American moniker since I have several black friends who self-identify as Carribean descent, and prefer not to be referred to as African-American) We purposely did not make any comments to our son about the racial makeup of his team, but figured we'd address any comments he made. He ~never~ brought it up! We were surprised. I am sure he was cognitively able to distinguish the difference in appearances (because in other circumstances he had described a black man as having a dark brown face), but it was apparently a non-issue to him. That made me very :D. Toward the end of the season, my husband's curiosity got the better of him and he asked our son if he minded being the only "white" player on the team. Our son looked at him oddly and replied, "No, not at all!" and shook his head as if he'd never considered the question. And then I punched my husband in the arm. :lol:

[Heather in Neverland]

This appears to be a uniquely American concern. Race is very meaningful to Americans in ways that I'm not aware of in any other cultural group. (Not that I'm an expert on anyone except Australians, but I do read around a bit.)

 

Rosie

 

That's actually not true. Race is a VERY big issue in Malaysia...HUGE. There are even laws that favor Malays over any other race that lives here (like Indians and Chinese which are pretty heavily represented) and gives them all kinds of special privileges. It's like affirmative action run amok... legalized racism. I wrote all about it on my blog.

[jewellsmommy]

Toward the end of the season, my husband's curiosity got the better of him and he asked our son if he minded being the only "white" player on the team. Our son looked at him oddly and replied, "No, not at all!" and shook his head as if he'd never considered the question. And then I punched my husband in the arm. :lol:

 

 

See, now my argumentative dd would have gone "dadddyyy, I'm not white I'm a peach skin." huffed and then rolled her eyes. How all that attitude can fit in such a little body, I will never understand! :glare:

[5LittleMonkeys]

I was just picking up toys (yes, it is 1:30 in the morning) and realized I do have something to add to this thread. My dd7 has about 10 Barbies and 6 of them are AA\black. I remembered that the first doll she picked out when she was 4 was AA\black. I asked her why she choose that one and she said because the skin was so chocolately beautiful.

She noticed the difference in skin color but to her there was no differentiating between race. I don't think even at 7 that she really thinks of people as this race or that. We don't make those distinctions so until we do I think she will remain oblivious.

[Rosie_0801]

That's actually not true. Race is a VERY big issue in Malaysia...HUGE. There are even laws that favor Malays over any other race that lives here (like Indians and Chinese which are pretty heavily represented) and gives them all kinds of special privileges. It's like affirmative action run amok... legalized racism. I wrote all about it on my blog.

 

Yeah, I didn't word my last post well because I couldn't figure out how. There is a difference between countries where race is an official issue, such as Malaysia, and where it is unofficial, which is my understanding of the US. Here in Australia we think Americans are preoccupied with race and find it rather odd. I'm still not explaining what I mean properly so I'm going to give it up. :) (Rather preoccupied with a very tight federal election here.)

 

Rosie

Edited August 21, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[Carrie12345]

My kids talk about different skin tones and languages, but I don't think the youngers (8 and under) put it in the context of ethnicity.

Even though we're complete caucasian mutts, my 4 kids have 3 different skin tones, 3 different hair colors, and 4 different eye shades. And they all want to study different languages. So it's not a very clear issue for them. And I like it that way.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

She will describe people as pink, peach, or brown. She argues that there are no "white" people and there are no "black" people.

 

Same here, but my kids describe everyone as either tan or brown. I also don't think they totally realize that many families do not have different colored people in them. One of my sisters has 3 adopted kids from India. DH has two sisters adopted from El Salvador and a brother adopted from Chile. Another of my sisters has been hosting a boy from Haiti who came here for surgery after the earthquake, and he's like a cousin, now. Dh's sisters' kids are all bi/racial- some hispanic/caucasian, some hispanic/black.

 

DS1 was confused as to why people would be called white, since they aren't REALLY white. He hasn't used that association with black, yet, though.

[Dmmetler]

Well, when my now 5 yr old was in kinder last February, she came home one day and said "Did you know Darryl is Black??". She'd known and played with kids for years with different skin colors, but until her school did "Black History Month", she'd never thought of it as being important.

 

This is also the child, who, for her 4th birthday, got a set of Kelly dolls of different hair/eye/skin tones, and who went through and labeled each with a friend's name, ultimately picking out the doll that was probably supposed to be Black (albeit extremely light-skinned) as herself. Her reason was that the hair and eyes were right. She was correct-that was the doll with the best color match for her hair and eyes. So to her, at age 4, skin tone was less important than hair/eye color in identifying a person.

[....]

Around ages 3 mine started commenting on race. OK, but this comes with a HUGE disclaimer: my husband is from Korea and I'm caucasian - their godparents are from Peru and we lived in Chicago, so the topic of race/culture pops up constantly in our family. My in-laws don't even speak English. It's not uncommon for my kids to walk around the Korean grocery store and my preschoolers to know the names of all the foreign foods.

 

I forgot to add that their only cousin is half-Filipino and half-Korean. I think my kids think it's real common for different races to be represented in a family and for everyone to have English as a second language. lol! Oh, sigh...

Edited August 21, 2010 by starrbuck12

[BigMamaBird]

My dd first noticed about 2.5 years but she does have severe vision problems. At that stage I imagine she only saw a mass of color. We were behind a black woman in line at the grocery store. Dd was standing very close to her (that's probably the only way she saw her because of her eyesight), the woman was wearing shorts and dd started stroking the backs of her legs. I don't know what was going through her head; maybe she was trying to figure out if the color was nylons or pants or if the color would come off. She never made any comments on it, just the experimental touching, which at that age was really her only way of getting information. The woman was very gracious about being groped in the checkout line, but I wanted to disappear.

 

Since then she's gotten glasses to correct her vision. She plays with a girl at church and a boy in the neighborhood who are both biracial and our closest neighbors are black. She's never mentioned a difference or made any comments. I assume she notices a difference in their skin color but it doesn't seem to be curious to her at this age. There's a black child at our church who dd does not like, but that's because "he's mean to me" not because of anything visual.

Edited August 21, 2010 by BigMamaBird

[MorganClassicalPrep]

I was just picking up toys (yes, it is 1:30 in the morning) and realized I do have something to add to this thread. My dd7 has about 10 Barbies and 6 of them are AA\black. I remembered that the first doll she picked out when she was 4 was AA\black. I asked her why she choose that one and she said because the skin was so chocolately beautiful.

She noticed the difference in skin color but to her there was no differentiating between race. I don't think even at 7 that she really thinks of people as this race or that. We don't make those distinctions so until we do I think she will remain oblivious.

 

If you lay out a couple baby dolls, my DD will almost always pick up and play with the black baby. (She is completely white. In fact.. you can almost see through her she is so white. :tongue_smilie:) But her two best friends are both b/w biracial, their stepsisters are black, and even though she definitely notices (She has asked me why some people are so dark), it doesn't seem to register as a method of identifing certain people as a different group.

 

It amuses me to see her playing with the darkest babies she can find. My parents... not so much. :glare: My mom even tried to convince DD NOT to get a Princess and the Frog nightgown and instead to get an Ariel one. Ugh. We had a long discussion after that (my mother and I!).

[Paige]

I think children will notice racial differences from a very young age but they may not understand that the differences are meaningful or worth talking about or that there are words to describe what clusters of physical characteristics are.

[KrissiK]

In our family every one is a different color. My oldest DS is biracial hispanic/black, my second DS we believe is only hispanic as is my daughter. My hubby and I are caucasian. They all seem to be aware of skin color, as my son was watching some morning show at Grandma's and shouted "hey, look at that brown guy" when he saw Al Roker, even though his own brother is as dark as Al :D. We live in a highly hispanic populated area with a lot of biracial marriages. Families don't fall along strict lines of color around here. We never talk about skin color that much except in regards to who tans the most obviously in the summer. I guess they don't comment on it much because in our area it's not really remarkable. Just life.

[Ohdanigirl]

What would being American have to do with it? (Not said in a snarky "voice" but truly wondering).

 

America is very diverse with people from many cultural backgrounds that have different features, this is not the case in all countries.

 

Danielle

[Ohdanigirl]

That's actually not true. Race is a VERY big issue in Malaysia...HUGE. There are even laws that favor Malays over any other race that lives here (like Indians and Chinese which are pretty heavily represented) and gives them all kinds of special privileges. It's like affirmative action run amok... legalized racism. I wrote all about it on my blog.

 

interesting. You learn something new everyday. I will be checking out your blog.

 

Danielle

[mommaduck]

I was just picking up toys (yes, it is 1:30 in the morning) and realized I do have something to add to this thread. My dd7 has about 10 Barbies and 6 of them are AA\black. I remembered that the first doll she picked out when she was 4 was AA\black. I asked her why she choose that one and she said because the skin was so chocolately beautiful.

She noticed the difference in skin color but to her there was no differentiating between race. I don't think even at 7 that she really thinks of people as this race or that. We don't make those distinctions so until we do I think she will remain oblivious.

Bless you for being the parent you are. I had several Barbie dolls as a kid, and Cabbage Patch. I wanted Barbie in all colours...loved the black and especially the Hawaiian Barbies (I spent time in the Pacific and many of my friends were black). My stepdad's refused and his comment was, "why?! You're not black!" But neither was I "white enough" for him either. I loved the article that was posted in the other thread because it relates not jut to skin tone, but to ethnicity and culture as well. My husband was looking at pictures of ALL my siblings from BOTH sides (divorced parents) and I have siblings that range the gamut from VERY WHITE to Very Hispanic with most of us being varying blood quantity of Cherokee (the two that are very white don't have any N/A)...and my dad's current girlfriend has three children that are biracial (white/black).

Edited August 22, 2010 by mommaduck

[Rosie_0801]

America is very diverse with people from many cultural backgrounds that have different features, this is not the case in all countries.

 

Danielle

 

 

Australia is a diverse country with people from many cultural backgrounds that have different features, but it still isn't the issue it is in the US. Different histories produce different attitudes.

 

Rosie

[Jean in Newcastle]

America is very diverse with people from many cultural backgrounds that have different features, this is not the case in all countries.

 

Danielle

 

I live in America. I am an American. Race is not important to me - at all. Obviously I can see the different shades of skin color and hair color etc. What is more important to me from the standpoint of understanding people is culture. You can have cultural differences within the caucasian race, the Asian race etc. Race does not mean culture.

[rootsnwings]

I think children raised around many different ethnicities do not notice different races as much as a child raised in the midst of primarily one race. I remember the 1st time each of my children, as babies, saw a black person for the 1st time.

 

I quit working 2 months before I conceived dd1 and hadn't seen my best friend from work until dd was about 9.5 months old. My bf came in my door with her precious little girl and my dd(9.5mo at the time) literally stopped in her tracks and her jaw dropped open. My bf commented, "OMG Alayna! It is SO OBVIOUS that she's never seen a black person before!!!" We just giggled about it and loved watching both our girls discovering each other as they played.

 

Julie *loved* her little girls poofballs!!! :D It really was precious!! :001_wub:

Edited August 21, 2010 by rootsnwings