Anyone remember the mom flipping out over the pen mark

[Rachel]

on her son's shirt that my daughter made........the microscopic one that no one could see without a microscope. Well here's a new twist on this woman. Yesterday the kids had a field trip and my daughter (the mad pen wielding one) had her good friend in the car with this woman and her son. She then proceeded to listen to this mom and son talk about my son (said daughter's twin brother) and saying how immature he was and that he wasn't very smart. She then asked daughter's friend in the back seat if my daughter "had a brain in her head" since "it seemed like her twin brother didn't"..........

 

Furious doesn't even begin to describe how I felt today. How I still feel. I was ready to take them home from school today and never take them back.............and I still might.

 

So, question is...............what would you do? What I've already done is talk to the principal who said "consider the source........this is a family who judges everyone by how many zeros are on their tax return" But he also said that what she did was completely unacceptable..........although I don't know that he'll do anything about it per say.

 

So, do I drop it and show my kids..........these kind of people aren't worth your time and effort (they won't change and won't care......so don't waste yourself on them)

 

Or, do I say something to the mom...........with the knowledge that this will not a nice conversation......meaning I will say something unChristianlike at some point during the conversation. But show my kids that I will protect them.

 

Right now I'm doing the ignore her because she isn't worth my time.........but I sure have a desire to give her a piece of my mind.

 

What to do???

[amy g.]

I'd say not worth you time. When people act like that, I say, "Wow, we must really threaten them somehow." and let it go.

[lollie010]

I remember the craziness before. I am sorry that your dd had to hear that.

 

Laurel T.

[Elisabeth in IL]

Well, I'd let the teacher know that under no circumstance should my child be in this woman's company. If you were to confront this womand, I'd be afraid that your conversation would become a "I said, she said" kind of thing or " she didn't understand, that's not what I meant" since you weren't there to hear the exchange. I'd be so angry too. In fact my blood is boiling just thinking about it. Make sure you daughter knows that this grown woman is the immature one, without a brain in her head. Who would talk about a child like this in front of the sibling? She had totally lost her mind!!! :angry:

[WTMindy]

First of all....what an idiot!!!!

 

Second of all, it doesn't really seem appropriate for the principal to be saying that about someone else if he isn't willing to do something about it. It seems like just gossip in that case.

 

Thirdly, I would probably give the woman a piece of my mind....in Christian love, of course. I would let her no in no uncertain terms that her words were totally inappropriate. And if I were really bad, I'd tell her off in front of HER children!! (I wouldn't, but I'd want to!!)

 

Unbelievable!!

[Maria from IN]

Why not send her a nice card?

 

You know, something nice and flowery, a "thinking of you" kind of thing.

 

Inside you could explain that you heard what she was saying about your children and want her to know that you harbor no ill will towards her, because after all, even the principal knows she has nothing better to do...and that you have already commended your daughter on how polite she was in the car while being insulted by her, because, as you've already taught her, "if someone's spreading s--t about us, they're leaving everyone else alone, thank goodness." :lol:

 

You could also tell her if she really wanted to know if your children actually have brains in their heads, perhaps she could come over for tea and you could explain to her that they do have a couple of brain cells to rub together, and they make sparks, too!

 

You could top it off by telling her how noble it was to ignore the plank in her own eye...

 

I should probably stop now. You get the idea.

 

...feeling a little snarky just now...;)

[Danestress]

I would write a polite but frank letter to the school documenting what happened and requesting that this woman not be allowed to drive your children or assist in their classrooms. And of course I would CC to her. I would not contact her directly.

[Kelli in TN]

I would write a polite but frank letter to the school documenting what happened and requesting that this woman not be allowed to drive your children or assist in their classrooms. And of course I would CC to her. I would not contact her directly.

 

I think this is a reasonable approach.

 

But I have to admit that Maria's approach sounded more fun.

[Crissy]

First of all....what an idiot!!!!

 

Second of all, it doesn't really seem appropriate for the principal to be saying that about someone else if he isn't willing to do something about it. It seems like just gossip in that case.

 

Thirdly, I would probably give the woman a piece of my mind....in Christian love, of course. I would let her no in no uncertain terms that her words were totally inappropriate. And if I were really bad, I'd tell her off in front of HER children!! (I wouldn't, but I'd want to!!)

 

Unbelievable!!

 

I'm with Mindy.

The principal was out of line, and he should be called on it.

And certainly the woman should know that her behavior is not acceptable. Not at all.

I would never again allow my children to be with her if my husband or I were not present.

[Rachel]

I must not have worded that clearly........my daughter wasn't in the car, her best friend was........and the mother asked HER about my daughter having a brain.

 

I certainly like some of these answers...........I especially like the snarky ones :)

[Karen sn]

In person - all smiles - "I just wanted to say thank you for your concern regarding my children. Yes, they do have brains. And if you have any more questions to ask regarding my children you can feel free to direct them to me and not their classmates/friends. Thank you so much. We should really get together for tea soon. Gotta run."

AND SMILE BIG THE ENTIRE TIME - and walk away!

[j.griff]

I am :lol: at the thought of sending such a card.

[j.griff]

Oh, big difference, IMO. Still totally inappropriate to gossip and badmouth a child to another child/group of children- but not as insulting as saying those things in front of your dd. I would just ignore it- anything you do/say about it will only give her more fuel and make the situation worse. I would not want my DC in a situation where they were in this person's presence though, ever. Yikes. I don't think there's anything the principal could really do about the situation either, it's already a "she said, she said" situation. *I* would probably remove my DC from the situation though.

[umarider]

Just find every flyer, print-out, website, etc. that you can find regarding Manners, Building Self-Esteem, Team-building, character building, etc... and spam the daylights out of her via both email and snail mail!

 

Make it a learning experience for your kids. Sad fact is there are people like this in the world. Point out that these are sad, insecure people, who need our prayers and pity.

(And then perhaps thank the Mom for giving you this teaching opportunity?:D)

 

***some of the above ideas are just vengeful daydreaming and should be ignored***

[Doran]

Given the history between you two, perhaps the others' advice is best. Let stinking dogs lie. Wait, that's not how it goes, is it?! ;). Honestly, if this was my decision to make, I'd be planning a brief but serious conversation with the woman. The kind of festering that goes on in situations like these, despite the fact that we are supposed to be able to forget and forgive, is just bad for the soul, imo. If you can't truly forget, then I'd speak to her. You can rehearse your speech ahead of time, but my vision is something like this:

 

"Jane, could I have a minute with you, please? You know, it has come to my attention that you were speaking badly of my children the other day on the field trip. I'd like to ask that you not do that again. Of course, I can't stop you from having your opinons, no matter how misguided I know them to be. But, I don't think it's asking too much to expect you to keep them to yourself. I'd suggest that if you can't be more cautious about sharing your negative opinions and attitudes with others, that you not chaperone these kids at all. I feel certain that the principal agrees with me on this. In fact, you'll see that I've already sent a letter to him to that effect. That's all I needed to say. I hope you have a great day."

 

 

BTW, is this a private school? Chances are, if it is, the family gives money to the school and therefore, the principal feels his hands are tied. Just a thought.

 

I'm not suggesting snark. I'm simply offering a way of getting to the root of the matter in a truthful, pointed manner. I'm not sure why we all feel that it's best to just ignore these kinds of things. Probably because the end result of bringing them up isn't always fruitful. But, ofttimes I think the world needs a few more individuals who are willing to speak up for themselves instead of letting the "adult bullies" (suprisingly often, it appears, also the ones with lots of money) run rough shod over us.

 

JMO

 

 

(Oh, and btw, I do remember the previous situation...)

[Antonia]

I regard adults like this as bullies, and bullies, left alone, only get more vicious. I'd have a very frank ( read snarky, cause that's just how I am!) conversation with her, and also document the incident in a letter to the school.

[PiCO]

I must not have worded that clearly........my daughter wasn't in the car, her best friend was........and the mother asked HER about my daughter having a brain.

 

I certainly like some of these answers...........I especially like the snarky ones :)

 

This is totally different from what I thought the scenario was. I agree with J Griff, but I might also mention to dd's friend that gossip should not be passed on (she should not have told your dd this malicious gossip.)

 

I don't think the principal should have spread gossip about this woman either, but I don't think he's in a place where he can do anything about it. It wouldn't be right to make a "he said, she said" situation between a child and an adult. (Dd's friend and woman driving.)

 

There is also the possiblility that dd's friend did misunderstand. By the time this gossip got to you, it had already become a game of telephone. I would keep my kids away from that woman, though.

[Ravin]

I'd give that woman a piece of my mind, make it VERY clear to the school admin that she's not to be in my children's company again for ANY reason unsupervised by someone willing to shut her up, and then talk to my children at length about what happened, how they feel about it, and if they're willing to shut her up themselves (don't know their ages), ignore her, or simply avoid her in future because she's not a person worth being around.

 

Turning the other cheek all Christian-like isn't my style. ;)

[Remudamom]

Don't send a note, don't talk to her, don't talk to anyone else.

 

Just get a restraining order.

 

Have your lawyer send her a letter informing her that any more character defamation will be severly dealt with. Send it registered mail.

[Debbie in OR]

I hear what you are saying and I would be furious too. First, however, you might want to have a conversation with this woman and tell her it is your understanding that she has made some slanderous comments about your kids and see how she responds. It is possible that the best friend didn't hear clearly or made an interpretation of the conversation based on her love and concern for your daughter. Your daughter's friend is predisposed, and with good reason, to assume all things coming from this woman will be bad and disparaging, when in fact, it might not be as bad as it sounds. Even if she denies having said anything, she will now know that you know and that you are paying attention.

 

Secondly, I think your thoughts on teaching your kids how to handle this kind of thing is great. If we are to bring our kids up to be mature and complete, not lacking anything, then helping them gain internal self-government will help them the rest of their lives...these kind of people will never go away. We will always be dealing with them...better to learn young how to be ok internally than trying to figure it out as an adult.

 

I sincerely hope you get good resolution with this. It's hard enough maintaining the energy to live our lives without all these extra energy-zappers...

[Scarlett]

Your child's friend should not have passed on such gossip---true or not. (but kids are kids)

 

Your children should be made to understand how ANGRY this makes you and how your first inclination is to go tell her off for defaming the name of your family but being a grown up and striving toward self-control you think it is best to ignore people like this.

 

That way they get the benefit of knowing your are on their side....but you can still retain your dignity.

[Robin Hood]

Why not send her a nice card?

 

You know, something nice and flowery, a "thinking of you" kind of thing.

 

Inside you could explain that you heard what she was saying about your children and want her to know that you harbor no ill will towards her, because after all, even the principal knows she has nothing better to do...and that you have already commended your daughter on how polite she was in the car while being insulted by her, because, as you've already taught her, "if someone's spreading s--t about us, they're leaving everyone else alone, thank goodness." :lol:

 

You could also tell her if she really wanted to know if your children actually have brains in their heads, perhaps she could come over for tea and you could explain to her that they do have a couple of brain cells to rub together, and they make sparks, too!

 

You could top it off by telling her how noble it was to ignore the plank in her own eye...

 

I should probably stop now. You get the idea.

 

...feeling a little snarky just now...;)

 

I love this idea, however I think you are the only who would feel good about it and that for not long because you would begin to regret giving it and this lady would not be moved except to become hardened in her position. You could go ahead and make the card, then tear it up and throw it away. You would feel much better. Then procede to ignore her when possible and pray to see her through Christlike eyes when not. She seems to need the love. I don't think you should be confrontational unless the situation demands it, but be truthful always.

 

Our manager is much like this woman. Mostly I ignore her. I know she slams my dh a lot behind his back, and me, but not as much. I invited her to our women's Bible study and I get a big kick out her. In my presence, she'll start with her critisism and then realize I am there and it is funny to watch her clean it up. I remain silent and let everyone think what they wish. My dh is well known in our community and highly respected so I am not worried about damage control. She is learning to be accountable to what she says by my presence and my silence. I chose to invite her because she goes to our church but has to work on Sundays, and I want to see her mature in her claim to be a Christian. I am beginning to enjoy this woman when I once despised her.

 

Anyway, you don't want to read about me. But it is amazing to see what can happen to you when you pray to see someone through the eyes of God.

[Fourmother]

Yes, what Scarlett said. Based on her past and present behavior, it doesn't sound like it's possible to have a rational discussion with this woman. You can't change her behavior and any attempt to do so is likely to end badly. As hard as it might be I think the best thing is to let it roll like water off a duck's back. By gossiping about your family to your dd's friend this woman was specifically baiting you, trying to stir up trouble. Don't take the bait. You'll be modeling dignity for your kids by not allowing yourself to be sucked into this woman's crazy drama.

 

Now this does not preclude a private daydream or two in which you tape her mouth shut and maybe shave her head... In fact, I'm having one now!

[Audrey]

Don't send a note, don't talk to her, don't talk to anyone else.

 

Just get a restraining order.

 

Have your lawyer send her a letter informing her that any more character defamation will be severly dealt with. Send it registered mail.

 

I was going to suggest saying something nasty, but WOW! This is the BEST suggestion I've seen here! That would put that woman quaking in her boots. :lol:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Given the history between you two, perhaps the others' advice is best. Let stinking dogs lie. Wait, that's not how it goes, is it?! ;). Honestly, if this was my decision to make, I'd be planning a brief but serious conversation with the woman. The kind of festering that goes on in situations like these, despite the fact that we are supposed to be able to forget and forgive, is just bad for the soul, imo. If you can't truly forget, then I'd speak to her. You can rehearse your speech ahead of time, but my vision is something like this:

 

"Jane, could I have a minute with you, please? You know, it has come to my attention that you were speaking badly of my children the other day on the field trip. I'd like to ask that you not do that again. Of course, I can't stop you from having your opinons, no matter how misguided I know them to be. But, I don't think it's asking too much to expect you to keep them to yourself. I'd suggest that if you can't be more cautious about sharing your negative opinions and attitudes with others, that you not chaperone these kids at all. I feel certain that the principal agrees with me on this. In fact, you'll see that I've already sent a letter to him to that effect. That's all I needed to say. I hope you have a great day."

 

 

BTW, is this a private school? Chances are, if it is, the family gives money to the school and therefore, the principal feels his hands are tied. Just a thought.

 

I'm not suggesting snark. I'm simply offering a way of getting to the root of the matter in a truthful, pointed manner. I'm not sure why we all feel that it's best to just ignore these kinds of things. Probably because the end result of bringing them up isn't always fruitful. But, ofttimes I think the world needs a few more individuals who are willing to speak up for themselves instead of letting the "adult bullies" (suprisingly often, it appears, also the ones with lots of money) run rough shod over us.

 

JMO

 

 

(Oh, and btw, I do remember the previous situation...)

 

I think this is incredibly wise. Remember that all you know about the situation is being filtered through your dd's friend. It might be just as bad as it sounded. Or it might have been misinterpreted or intended in a slightly different way. If you respond in a snarky, aggressive or legal way then you will likely make her feel even more justified in her opinion and comments.

 

When talking to the mom, I would extend the out that her comments might have been taken out of context but that this just underscores the reason one doesn't have conversations like this with young people.

[Rachel]

Lots of good suggestions.........ALL of which I would like to take.

 

Through this, I've started to come to the conclusion that not saying "anything" then lets her think that her actions are acceptable. However, I don't want to get into a he said, she said deal either. I think with the shirt incident in the mix here though I can make a point that it is best if she not have any contact with my children.

 

So what I've decided is to write her a note.........face to face would end badly I'm guessing........and I will allow the fact that maybe her words were misinterpreted, but regardless........she should not be talking about other students in front of others. I'll invite her to call me if she has any further questions regarding my children and then ask that she and her son not have any further contact due to the multiple incidents that have taken place thus far. I will forward a copy to the principal and their teacher and make sure she knows that they are getting copies.

 

To me, this is the least inflammatory I can be while showing my children I will defend them, but not get into a negative argument with someone who isn't worth the time or effort.........but also shows that by saying something about her actions doesn't allow her to get away with bad behavior.

 

Whatcha think?

[Rich with Kids]

Some people are big, stoopid heads.

[Scarlett]

So what I've decided is to write her a note.........

 

To me, this is the least inflammatory I can be while showing my children I will defend them, but not get into a negative argument with someone who isn't worth the time or effort.........but also shows that by saying something about her actions doesn't allow her to get away with bad behavior.

 

Whatcha think?

 

I think, while not MY first choice of how to handle it, your way is just fine.

 

I know that my own mother was very much of the 'turn the other cheek' kind of woman. She deeply regrets now not having stood up for us more. That (not standing up for) negatively affects some children more than others...so you go mama....we should always be our kids greatest advocate.

[PiCO]

Lots of good suggestions.........ALL of which I would like to take.

 

Whatcha think?

 

I think writing a note is a good idea under the circumstances. Maybe say something like-- I'm hoping what I heard through the grapevine is incorrect, but there is a rumor going around that you said XYZ about my children on a school field trip.

[j.griff]

I don't think it's a good idea to ask her and her son to cut off contact with your dd. I see that this woman has "issues", and it would probably backfire on you (her son tells everyone that your dd's mom doesn't want him to talk to your dd, or makes up stories about you and your dd and causes other kids to start mistreating your dd, the mom doesn't stop talking about your dc, but now has more ammo to use against you all, etc.). I've dealt with people like that before- you can NOT win with them. They are generally not reasonable beings, and it's probably best to just let things lie. IME, it is perfectly "normal" for adults to gossip about children, especially to other children. I've experienced that with school teachers, counselors, principals, parents of kids in school, etc. (hearing gossip from these people about students when I was in school, and as being the object of such gossip). Nothing you do will change the situation, nothing you do/say will change that persons POV or how they interact with others.

[Liz CA]

. The kind of festering that goes on in situations like these, despite the fact that we are supposed to be able to forget and forgive, is just bad for the soul, imo.

 

I was especially nodding in agreement at the above quoted sentence. We are not computer hard drives that can be reformatted with no memory of what happened before.

 

A civil conversation like this will (hopefully, golly!) let this woman know that you are on to her tactics, that you won't tolerate inappropriate behavior and that you have taken action (contacted principal) already - all without a scene and in a dignified manner.

[kalanamak]

Your child's friend should not have passed on such gossip---true or not. (but kids are kids)

 

 

This would have been a horrible thing for me to hear at that age (I was very innocent...the world was full of good people), and I think sharing this might have had less to do with "here is what this idiot said about YOU" but more "you and I are friends and this woman is bad and I'm terribly upset and we have to watch out for each other and not let either of us be with her".

[Lady Katherine]

I'd say not worth you time. When people act like that, I say, "Wow, we must really threaten them somehow." and let it go.

 

 

:iagree:

 

How does that quote go? "Don't bother trying to teach a pig to sing. You will just waste your time and annoy the pig." Life is too short to deal with every unkind person in your path. Avoid contact with her and focus on the good things and the good people in your life.

[Peek a Boo]

Your child's friend should not have passed on such gossip---true or not. (but kids are kids)

 

Your children should be made to understand how ANGRY this makes you and how your first inclination is to go tell her off for defaming the name of your family but being a grown up and striving toward self-control you think it is best to ignore people like this.

 

That way they get the benefit of knowing your are on their side....but you can still retain your dignity.

 

I kinda disagree with this.

 

I do believe that if ANYONE has Real knowledge that could give someone a heads-up on how to deal w/ a person, then alerting one to that fact is anything BUT gossip. I don't encourage my kids to "tattle" on every little thing, but i do expect them to alert me or another adult if someone is doing something dangerous, illegal, or malicious. If they were wrong in their knowledge, then it gives me the opportunity to clarify their perception. If they were right, it gives us the chance to confront it for resolution.

 

If this was a chance encounter w/ someone you'll never see again, "letting it go" would be one thing. But unless you pull the kids from school, they WILL be exposed to her one way or another eventually.

 

And while "turn the other cheek" is certainly scriptural, so is *acting* to protect, defend, restore, and monitor situations. We are certainly not called to carry on as if nothing has happened. Inviting the boss to a Bible Study is brilliant, lol. i do think a note [as shared] and also getting to know this woman can help you keep track of what's going on. That is, *you* get to know this woman first, apart from your children. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer......

 

good luck!

 

{i remember that pen incident too!!}

[Robin Hood]

Inviting the boss to a Bible Study is brilliant, lol.

 

 

 

IF this is in reference to my post (sorry, I haven't figured out how to quote 2 posts yet), dh and I are actually her boss. We own the company. We have put up with this woman for 11 years. She is a great worker, but my oh my, her personal life is dusgusting, she twists every story to be horrible gossip, and her mouth is , ok, I am stopping myself right here. Silence, woman, silence.(me)

[OnTheBrink]

Some people are big, stoopid heads.

 

:iagree: