Would you allow your 12 year old to get a facebook?

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My dd just wrote me a persuasive essay (on her own, I had no idea she was doing this) to try to convince me to let her get a facebook page. She did VERY well on this.

 

 

She is very mature, knows how dangerous the internet could be. She wants it to keep in contact with family because we live so far away from all our family. I would have her password and check her page, contacts and pics VERY regularly. So WWYD and why?

 

Poll to follow! Thanks

[Plucky]

Yes, I let my dd start at 12, she's now 13. Her younger brother is 12 & he can't have fb acct. yet. It's all about maturity.

[milovany]

My dd just wrote me a persuasive essay (on her own, I had no idea she was doing this) to try to convince me to let her get a facebook page. She did VERY well on this.

 

 

She is very mature, knows how dangerous the internet could be. She wants it to keep in contact with family because we live so far away from all our family. I would have her password and check her page, contacts and pics VERY regularly. So WWYD and why?

 

Poll to follow! Thanks

 

I wouldn't because Facebook's own rules say 13 is the minimum age.

[flyingmommy]

Nope, because Facebook says they need to be 13. I know, I know, let her fudge a little.....My thought is that teaching your child to lie about their age in order to get something they want is probably not a good idea.

 

I made my daughter wait till 13. She wasn't happy, but she didn't die and she appreciates it more for having had to wait.

 

Just my 2 cents.

J

[LaissezFaire]

My 11 year olds have one but it's highly monitored by me and I have controls set.

[OnTheBrink]

I wouldn't because Facebook's own rules say 13 is the minimum age.

 

:iagree:

 

I think there's a strong message in obeying the rules, even if the child in question seems mature enough to handle a FB account. My dd has been asking for FB for a while because one of her friends has one, even though the child just turned 12 last week.

 

I told dd that the FB rules say 13, so 13 it will be (if then!).

[Parrothead]

I agree with the others about following the rules. Dd will have to wait until at least until 13.

[tofuscramble]

My 11 year old has one, I agree with the sentiment that its all about maturity.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I wouldn't because Facebook's own rules say 13 is the minimum age.

 

 

I didn't know they had that rule! She has much younger cousins with one so I guess I didnt even think about an age restriction! Thank you! You just bought me 8 more months :D

[GWOB]

Nope. The rule is 13. If I let her lie about this, what kind of example am I setting? Life stinks sometimes. If she has to wait, oh well. I'd tell mine to deal with it.

[Jilly]

I wouldn't because Facebook's own rules say 13 is the minimum age.

 

:iagree:

 

Many of my nieces and nephews have an account, so my twins want one too, but I won't let them have one until they are thirteen.

[milovany]

You just bought me 8 more months :D

 

:D

 

Check with her -- did she know the rule was there? Probably not, so hopefully she'll see why now's not the time. If she did, then there's some food for discussion. Our 14yodd has a Facebook account, but I dragged well into the 14th year before letting her get active. I only let her have friends who are about her age and younger (unless it's a really close friend who I *know* won't post about private/adult stuff on their status update), and of course I have the password and I monitor it.

 

Also, make sure she knows how proud you are of her EFFORT in writing the persuasive letter!!!! That's so important -- that she knows it's an effective way to approach something, even if your decision was "no" this time.

Edited July 14, 2010 by milovaný

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

:D

 

Check with her -- did she know the rule was there? Probably not, so hopefully she'll see why now's not the time. If she did, then there's some food for discussion. Our 14yodd has a Facebook account, but I dragged well into the 14th year before letting her get active. I only let her have friends who are about her age and younger (unless it's a really close friend who I *know* won't post about private/adult stuff on their status update), and of course I have the password and I monitor it.

 

 

I did ask her, she said she didnt know that either. She looked shocked and said "Do you think I would have asked if I did, I know what you would have said :lol:"

 

She did ask about her younger cousins having one- we will be talking about that. Thanks!!!!

[Sophia]

my 11 y.o. uses buzz on gmail until she can get a facebook (which will be when she's 14-15.)

Many of her friends whose parents don't allow fb are on there too :001_smile:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Also, make sure she knows how proud you are of her EFFORT in writing the persuasive letter!!!! That's so important -- that she knows it's an effective way to approach something, even if your decision was "no" this time.

 

 

I just did!!!! I also told her how proud I was at how well she did with it! It truly was VERY well planned and thought out! She did an amazing job! :001_smile:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

my 11 y.o. uses buzz on gmail until she can get a facebook (which will be when she's 14-15.)

Many of her friends whose parents don't allow fb are on there too :001_smile:

 

 

What is buzz??

[Sophia]

What is buzz??

 

It's a page where you can follow people and see random postings they do.

I think her friends told her to get a gmail email account so she could get on buzz.

From what I understand and have seen, it's very private and seems like a small community. No extras like fb has.

I check my dd's page frequently, and to me, it seems very boring (which is good for 11 y.o.'s, right?) but she likes it.

[Mrs Mungo]

Nope, because Facebook says they need to be 13. I know, I know, let her fudge a little.....My thought is that teaching your child to lie about their age in order to get something they want is probably not a good idea.

 

I made my daughter wait till 13. She wasn't happy, but she didn't die and she appreciates it more for having had to wait.

 

Just my 2 cents.

J

 

:iagree: with everyone who said something like this.

[WagsWife]

I allowed my DD (now 14) to have a FB when she was 12. I was not crazy about it at first...and I knew about the age limit. She had a very close group of friends who all moved away (military.) At the time, they would all "meet" up on a place called VMK (Virtual Magic Kingdom.) It was a place where all of them could meet up...just like old times...except not really :001_huh:

 

VMK ended up shutting down, and all the kids were despondent. The parents emailed back and forth and decided to let them all get FBs, since it seemed to be the best way for all of them to stay "together." My DD was the only one "under age." I was not crazy about fudging on the age, but I also could not find a better place for them to get together. So we did it.

 

For us, it has been a positive experience. I have her passwords, and I check her account on a regular basis. I have a FB account as well, and I made myself learn all the ins and outs, so that I can know exactly what is going on.

 

Here is the problem...because of the situation with my oldest DD, I was willing to fudge the age. However, my middle DD does not have such a situation. She has no friends who have FB accounts...but she still is wanting a FB when she turns 12, "because Chaney had one." I have not decided what to do yet. I am leaning towards not letting her...but she is the typical middle child, and she will see that as once more, not getting something her sister/s get.

 

Sooo...I would think on it for a while. Is there a *really good reason why she should have one now...or is it just because she wants one. If that were the case for my DD 14, I would not have allowed her to do it, especially now that it is causing issues with her sister.

[IsabelC]

Here's another idea. How about you ask her to write you an essay about the negative aspects of FB and the best ways to minimize them? (Eg FB retains rights to anything posted even after you delete it. FB can reset your privacy settings at any time without notice. FB can sell your details to anyone they see fit. This means that if a teenage girl has a silly moment and posts a compromising photo of herself, only for her friends to see, then realizes that wasn't a good idea and takes it off the next day, FB can still sell this photo to be published anywhere.)

 

In the meantime, until she is old enough and you decide she's ready, if she just wants to keep in touch with family members, can't you let her send messages on your profile sometimes? (With your supervision, and clearly marked as such, of course, so that your relations know they're talking to her rather than you.)

Edited July 14, 2010 by Hotdrink

[katemary63]

My 11 year olds have one but it's highly monitored by me and I have controls set.

 

:iagree:My nine year old has one because it is the easiest way to communicate with her sister and other relatives out of state. We do it together. She loves it. I don't see a problem with the age rule. It's like if she had an account at the bank - I'm on it. It's *my* account, but I used her name. She sends pictures and chats with her grama. She has no control or authority over it. I "let" her do it when I say it's okay.

[catz]

My dd just wrote me a persuasive essay (on her own, I had no idea she was doing this) to try to convince me to let her get a facebook page. She did VERY well on this.

 

 

She is very mature, knows how dangerous the internet could be. She wants it to keep in contact with family because we live so far away from all our family. I would have her password and check her page, contacts and pics VERY regularly. So WWYD and why?

 

Poll to follow! Thanks

 

Yes, I would. One thing I would do though is NOT use her full name. My niece and nephew use their first and middle names as their facebook name. I would also help her to set up her permissions as tight as possible so her photos and info can't be seen by the whole internet. After that, I think it would be fine if you monitor it!

 

My 9 yo would love a facebook page! I'm actually getting to the point where I'd consider it. But my DH is not.

[catz]

I didn't know they had that rule! She has much younger cousins with one so I guess I didnt even think about an age restriction! Thank you! You just bought me 8 more months :D

 

I didn't know there was a rule either! Learn something every day.

[JudoMom]

I just did!!!! I also told her how proud I was at how well she did with it! It truly was VERY well planned and thought out! She did an amazing job! :001_smile:

 

I would reward her on her 13th birthday with an account. You could even wrap up their logo or something.

 

We'll have strict rules when the time comes for my guys, but with controls and parental monitoring I think it's fine :001_smile:.

[2cents]

No. My first reason is that we don't want to lie about her age. Rules are rules. Another reason is that I've seen my friends daughter become obsessed with it to the point it has caused problems with people she knows and she is constantly checking it. I don't need that kind of distraction in my home and school.

[Ginevra]

Yes, I would, and I have. My dd is 13 now, but has had one since she was 12. We do have rules about "friending" people, and I monitor her page, and I am friends with most of her friends. But yes. And I'm not even sorry about it. She is an introvert and FB has allowed her to become closer friends with people through FB chat. She is not a "phone" person and has no cell, so this meets a need that others may meet through texting/talking on the cell.

[KnitWit]

I allowed my DD (now 14) to have a FB when she was 12. I was not crazy about it at first...and I knew about the age limit. She had a very close group of friends who all moved away (military.) At the time, they would all "meet" up on a place called VMK (Virtual Magic Kingdom.) It was a place where all of them could meet up...just like old times...except not really :001_huh:

 

VMK ended up shutting down, and all the kids were despondent. The parents emailed back and forth and decided to let them all get FBs, since it seemed to be the best way for all of them to stay "together." My DD was the only one "under age." I was not crazy about fudging on the age, but I also could not find a better place for them to get together. So we did it.

 

For us, it has been a positive experience. I have her passwords, and I check her account on a regular basis. I have a FB account as well, and I made myself learn all the ins and outs, so that I can know exactly what is going on.

 

Here is the problem...because of the situation with my oldest DD, I was willing to fudge the age. However, my middle DD does not have such a situation. She has no friends who have FB accounts...but she still is wanting a FB when she turns 12, "because Chaney had one." I have not decided what to do yet. I am leaning towards not letting her...but she is the typical middle child, and she will see that as once more, not getting something her sister/s get.

 

Sooo...I would think on it for a while. Is there a *really good reason why she should have one now...or is it just because she wants one. If that were the case for my DD 14, I would not have allowed her to do it, especially now that it is causing issues with her sister.

 

Hi Tammie,

 

Just my .02, but I would tell your dd that the situation was different for her older sister and that she is not entitled to a FB account just because her sister got one. I think we do our kids a disservice when we try to make all things equal because there is NOTHING about life beyond our front door that is *fair* or *equal*. If she had the same situation, it might be different...but she doesn't.

 

Again...just my opinion, but I have six kids and I have never regretted NOT making everything the *same* or *equal* for them. I have kids who are happy for *each other*, rather than immediately demanding the *same*.

[FaithManor]

I thought 14 was the minimum age, by facebook rules anyway. Of course, I am sure that they can't verify this and so younger kids are on....my niece, eight, has an account...ugh...you would not believe the lowlifes that have already "friended" her. Her parents think it's cute that she's so popular.

 

I just shake my head. DD got an account when she was 18....if she does not know you personally in real life, she doesn't friend you and ignores all requests from friends' friends to be added to her list.

 

She's pretty wise but that said....I'm no fan. I've seen some of these people, relatives included, saying all kinds of things, as if they are having a private conversation, and some of them are going to get fired from their jobs or sued for libel if they continue! I actually sent a cease and desist warning to my estranged s.i.l. that I would take legal action against her for publicly maligning my dh and I....it was a legal letter and I sent a copy to facebook. They kicked her off!

 

I think facebook, my space, etc. are just plain dangerous for a lot of people.

 

Faith

[LibraryLover]

No. I know some people in our hsing circle allow it, and it seems fine, without abuse, but 12 is against FB rules.

[AuntieM]

I wouldn't because Facebook's own rules say 13 is the minimum age.

 

Unless you are willing to teach your children that lying is okay...:iagree:

[AuntPol]

Nope, because Facebook says they need to be 13. I know, I know, let her fudge a little.....My thought is that teaching your child to lie about their age in order to get something they want is probably not a good idea.

 

I made my daughter wait till 13. She wasn't happy, but she didn't die and she appreciates it more for having had to wait.

 

Just my 2 cents.

J

 

:iagree:

 

same concept as waiting to drink. Some kids might be mature enough earlier but the law does exist.

[sheryl]

My dd just wrote me a persuasive essay (on her own, I had no idea she was doing this) to try to convince me to let her get a facebook page. She did VERY well on this.

 

 

She is very mature, knows how dangerous the internet could be. She wants it to keep in contact with family because we live so far away from all our family. I would have her password and check her page, contacts and pics VERY regularly. So WWYD and why?

 

Poll to follow! Thanks

 

 

Gee Amber, There are so many other ways to keep in touch with family. Is it only family or friends too...that could be potentially hazardous to your child's health.

 

We use Skype to keep in touch. Our laptop screen is broken so we've off skype for awhile, but I would think that would be a great way to keep in touch.

 

And, there is email. Unfortunately with all the new social platforms out there, people are beginning to think email is outdated. I don't think so for a child.....it's built in protection "some". My 11 yo dd has email though and her Grandpa, my dad, sends her crazy things. I just emailed a letter to him just minutes ago saying these things were inappropriate. This soon to be 85 yo should know better. :glare:

[twilkin]

I just got a facebook account the other day and last night I had a pic of a naked girl on my news feed! I'm still learning the controls and everything but !!!

[Lizzie in Ma]

I have taught my children to follow the rules. Period.

[LizzyBee]

I voted other - I would let her have an account when she turns 13 because that is FB's rule.

 

With some guidance and boundaries (and the correct privacy settings), FB is great for keeping in touch with friends and family.

[Crafty Mathy Mom]

:iagree: Rules are rules. When she's 13, we'll talk about it.

[Mynyel]

My daughter had one at 12...she got on it for a couple months to play games and then it started tapering off...she hasn't been on in months. It doesn't bother me though. Only people we know are allowed to be friended and I know her PW...not a big deal to me.

[tofuscramble]

The 13 age limit is not there for any other reason than to protect them from lawsuits. Its not law. It is however, against the law for any internet entity to collect information for a child under 13 without parental consent and it says in Facebooks own terms of service: "In the event that we learn that we have collected personal information from a child under age 13 without verification of parental consent, we will delete that information as quickly as possible."

 

It also says: "This Site is intended solely for users who are thirteen (13) years of age or older, and users of the Site under 18 who are currently in high school or college."

 

Its not law, its just so that they may protect themselves, hence the Terms of Service being so full of loop holes.

 

That's why I let my kids have them and don't see it as lying or teaching my kids to lie. If anything, I've taught them to read the fine print.

[LaissezFaire]

I set up my girls accounts, I don't think they even know that there is a required age. I thought it was more of a 'must be 13 or have parental permission' kind of thing. My girls are on message boards where you have to be 13 OR send in a permission slip. The 13 age limit isn't a "law" but rather a CYA for facebook. I don't think people who have allowed their younger children to have a page are encouraging them to lie. I would bet their kids do not even know that the suggestion is there.

Edited July 14, 2010 by LaissezFaire

[TravelingChris]

I agree with the others, 13 is the rule and that is what we followed. ClubPenguin for youngers.

[6packofun]

Yep. My 12yo dd is anxiously awaiting midnight 7/31 so that she can start hers. LOL

[charmama4]

I voted *I would but would take it away if any questionable was going on*

 

We are a military family and the kids have friends all over and it's easier for them to keep in touch. I think in the 2 years that they have had it, I had to put FaceBook in time out 2 times. One time for 2 of the kids.

 

I monitor, I have their passwords, I check their emails and I educate them on internet issues.

[Hannah C.]

Facebook's rules say 13 - and that's not just something that Facebook made up. That is the COPPA magic age. I would not mess with that. There are ways to get around it, with explicit parental permission, but I'm not entirely sure what that would entail in order for my child's age to be accurate and for FB not to delete the profile.

 

I would wait till 13 and then let my child have a somewhat moderated FB - e.g., be friends with them, make sure their privacy settings were such that the FB was *private!!*, and have serious discussions about how we Do Not Add People We Don't Know In Real Life.

[katemary63]

I just got a facebook account the other day and last night I had a pic of a naked girl on my news feed! I'm still learning the controls and everything but !!!

 

I'm been on facebook for two years. I've never had a single unpleasant picture come up. ONLY your friends should be able to post on your wall. Can't figure out how that could have happened?

[katemary63]

I set up my girls accounts, I don't think they even know that there is a required age. I thought it was more of a 'must be 13 or have parental permission' kind of thing. My girls are on message boards where you have to be 13 OR send in a permission slip. The 13 age limit isn't a "law" but rather a CYA for facebook. I don't think people who have allowed their younger children to have a page are encouraging them to lie. I would bet their kids do not even know that the suggestion is there.

 

:iagree:I NEVER lie and NEVER rationalize lieing. My DD9 has a facebook. She didn't make the account, I did. I control it. I do it with her so she can communicate with her granny and sister, aunt and cousins in WI/ IL. Email is great, but then you have to send one to EACH person. On Facebook, you make a post and everyone sees it. You can post pictures, add comments, join a conversation. What you do on facebook to keep in touch with friends and family is impossible any where else. And while I don't play the games, my DD23 and DD9 can play games together that are totally age appropriate. It's a way for them to "play" together from across the country and helps them stay close. For our purposes, Facebook is FANTASTIC and I LOVE it and so do my kids and family. It is plenty secure and we have NEVER had a problem. There is no way for someone else to see what you post or post on your wall. I find it totally safe.

 

IMO, the only time you might have a problem with facebook would be if you have friends that YOU have added that are inapropriate or if you, yourself are using it in a negative way. For instance, I know that my little brother sometimes has friends who comment on his posts with swear words. Therefore, my DD9 is not a friend with him but I am. The controls and safety features are easy to use. You can allow only the friends that you trust. It's really so much less of a big deal or "scary" thing then some of you are making it out to be.

 

(I'm a VERY conservative person/ parent , not lenient in ANY way.)

Edited July 14, 2010 by katemary63

[Hannah C.]

I just got a facebook account the other day and last night I had a pic of a naked girl on my news feed! I'm still learning the controls and everything but !!!

 

That is disturbing...first of all naked pictures are against FB's terms of use. You should be able to report the picture if you haven't already.

Secondly, only your friends' posts should be showing up in your news feed! Hopefully whoever posted that picture is someone you are not good friends with...or something.

 

I've never had anything like that happen to me and I've been on Facebook for about 4 years.

[Hannah C.]

From Facebook's privacy policy: http://www.facebook.com/policy.php

 

No information from children under age 13. If you are under age 13, please do not attempt to register for Facebook or provide any personal information about yourself to us. If we learn that we have collected personal information from a child under age 13, we will delete that information as quickly as possible. If you believe that we might have any information from a child under age 13, please contact us through this help page.

 

Parental participation. We strongly recommend that minors 13 years of age or older ask their parents for permission before sending any information about themselves to anyone over the Internet and we encourage parents to teach their children about safe internet use practices. Materials to help parents talk to their children about safe internet use can be found on this help page.

 

The first help page mentioned is titled "Report an Underage Child". The explanation before the report form says:

We will review the reported account and take the appropriate steps based on our policies. You will not receive a confirmation email when we’ve taken action, but we do review all reports. If you are reporting a child's account registered under a false date of birth, and the child’s age is reasonably verifiable as under 13, we will promptly delete the account. You will not receive confirmation of this action, but you should no longer be able to view this child’s profile on the site. If the reported child’s age is not reasonably verifiable as under 13, then we may not be able to take action on the account. In this case, if you are not the parent of this child, then we strongly recommend that you encourage a parent to contact us personally, using this form.

 

The second help page mentioned in the first quote is a list of various FAQs for parents. Looking at that help page, it seems that there is no way for parents to authorize their under-13-year-old child's use of FB without fudging the birth date. Also, there is no way for a parent to shut down a 13-18 year old child's FB website. However, parents can request removal of photos/videos of children under 13.

 

Hope this helps - just wanted to gather relevant info and see what FB actually said about the issue. :001_smile:

[K&Rs Mom]

Nope, because Facebook says they need to be 13. I know, I know, let her fudge a little.....My thought is that teaching your child to lie about their age in order to get something they want is probably not a good idea.

 

 

:iagree: Some of dd's friends and my friends' dc are on - youngest I know of is 7, several 9-12yo. I've explained to dd that this is not something we're going to allow, and why. I do let them play my Frontierville sometimes, when I'm there.

[HRAAB]

My dd asked when she was 12, and I said no. I had no idea about the age limit because I hadn't checked into it - just my rule. Now that I know about the age rule and that she turned 13 a couple days ago, I will revisit it the next time she asks. I won't bring it up, though. Several of her friends have one (come to think of it they're 13). If she does get one then I'll feel I need one, though, and so far I've avoided Facebook like the plague.

[twilkin]

I asked my dd to help me set up the privacy setting so no more pics were popping up. I guess I had it so just about anyone could post. Thank God for knowledgable teens!lol