Homeschooling = Selfish?

[Mom2J112903]

This is what some have asked, and honestly, yes, I am a little selfish:blush: when it comes to my one and only little man.

 

J will be our only son, the shop was closed many years ago due to health related problems. This was *not* the plan, but you take what is given to you and don't complain.

 

Having J at home will be a load off *my* shoulders since I worry endlessly about him while he is at school. He is my "quirky" little man whom has tested on the Autism Spectrum. While he barely tests on it now vs three years ago being moderate to severe, he still has his quirks and these become even more apparent under stress. Which in turn means a new idea stressing him out leads to some massive anxiety and other lovely "quirks". Why can't I have him home and help him while helping myself out :confused:

 

DH is worried about the High School years, since the plan is to place J back into the school system for the last four years. That is unless J is thriving and does NOT want to go back. I honestly do not know if I could teach him thru his High School years or not, only time will tell.

 

Do you sometimes feel that keeping your child(ren) home is selfish on your part?

[K&Rs Mom]

Do you sometimes feel that keeping your child(ren) home is selfish on your part?

 

I regularly feel that way. Especially when I see the neighbors pulling out of their driveway to school drop-off at 7:30 and we're still in our pajamas. :D But that doesn't mean it isn't best for our family. I LOVE the flexibility, for myself and the kids, and I think it gives them lots of opportunities while being easier on me: win-win, right?

 

If you feel like you're being selfish at dc's expense, that's different, but not what I understand from your post. High school is far away, so leave it alone until it gets closer.

[RoughCollie]

No, I don't think I am being selfish to keep my kids home.

 

Just as there can be more than one feeling or motive about a single situation, there can be more than a single beneficiary to a Good Thing like homeschooling.

 

IOW, just because homeschooling benefits me, too, does not mean that I am selfish.

 

Frankly, who in his or her right mind would choose to do something for another's benefit if it hurt the doer (sorry, can't think of a better word)? That would be masochism, not unselfishness, IMO.

 

Homeschooling would be selfish if I did it for my sole benefit, and it did not benefit my child. I can't even imagine a situation like that except for one with criminal implications (kid stays home to be abused, and so forth).

Edited May 3, 2010 by RoughCollie

[lionfamily1999]

Sure :D

 

I'm not contributing to the educations of all the other children in our county (this is where the usual "selfish" claim is seated, ime).

 

When you say you don't want to worry, are you worrying for yourself or your son? I ask, because if your concern is rooted in your son's well being then I wouldn't consider it selfish.

[Starr]

I don't find anything wrong with loving having my children with me. Home schooling would be a total drag if you didn't want to be with your children. :D Enjoy him and see how things unfold.

[Mom2J112903]

For J-since I know what he goes thru when his anxiety is high. The child really does not understand *why* his behaviors/emotions are like they are at times :sad: Then I worry myself sick-sometimes literally, worrying about his day. Homeschooling will benefit us both :)

 

When you say you don't want to worry, are you worrying for yourself or your son? I ask, because if your concern is rooted in your son's well being then I wouldn't consider it selfish.

Edited May 3, 2010 by Mom2J112903

[lionfamily1999]

For Josef-since I know what he goes thru when his anxiety is high. The child really does not understand *why* his behaviors/emotions are like they are at times :sad: Then I worry myself sick-sometimes literally, worrying about his day. Homeschooling will benefit us both :)

:grouphug: I don't see this as selfish so much as caring.

[Jean in Newcastle]

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish

 

If you look at that definition, it says that it means "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others"

 

You are having regard for your son and your family. You are having regard for the society that will have a well-socialized (at home), well educated adult who has been homeschooled. I wouldn't say that homeschooling is selfish at all. In fact, I'd say that we're darned altruistic!

[Mommy22alyns]

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish

 

If you look at that definition, it says that it means "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others"

 

You are having regard for your son and your family. You are having regard for the society that will have a well-socialized (at home), well educated adult who has been homeschooled. I wouldn't say that homeschooling is selfish at all. In fact, I'd say that we're darned altruistic!

 

 

:iagree:

[RoughCollie]

I'm not contributing to the educations of all the other children in our county (this is where the usual "selfish" claim is seated, ime).

 

I don't get that point of view at all, do you?

 

DS1 is the brightest bulb in his classes at school. Attending dumbed-down lessons and having to use dumbed-down vocabulary is not benefiting him or anyone else.

 

I suggested he continue using his ordinary vocabulary, but he said it makes the other kids not accept him because they think he is showing off.

 

At school, DS1 is told by his teachers not to raise his hand to answer questions because it "makes the other kids feel stupid".

 

If he raises his hand, he does not get called on. The teachers call on other kids at random (others rarely raise their hands) and when those kids don't know the answer, the teacher tells it to them.

 

Oddly, class participation is at least 10% of everyone's grade.

 

In essence, having DS1 in their classes doesn't benefit the other students. His presence does not raise the bar by even a little bit.

[....]

How could selfish even remotely apply to homeschooling? Uh, maybe, SELFLESS????? :confused:

 

That always irks me when people imply that I'm hsing for some stupid personal gain - like to feel important. :glare: Do people have any idea the amount of screaming, diaper-changing, phone-ringing, multiplication fact-memorizing, doorbell-ringing, science-experimenting, LA worksheeting Stuff I have to deal with on a daily basis? OH, wait, you guys probably do! :tongue_smilie:

 

Most days, I can't even get into the bathroom! :001_huh:

 

I'm also saving our government $24,000 a year by homeschooling my 4 kids. :D

[Rhonda in TX]

No. If I was being selfish, I would send them to school and have a lot of time to myself.

[Dandelion]

How could selfish even remotely apply to homeschooling? Uh, maybe, SELFLESS????? :confused:

 

 

:iagree:

 

I don't see homeschooling as selfish at all - quite the opposite. If I were being selfish, I would have continued my career instead of deciding to stay home with the kids and homeschool. I'm homeschooling because it's what I believe to be best for my kids (i.e. out of regard for them) - not because it's what's best or most enjoyable for me. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy it and am so thankful that we decided to do this - but that wasn't the motivating factor or even a primary consideration in our decision to homeschool.

[lionfamily1999]

I don't get that point of view at all, do you?

 

DS1 is the brightest bulb in his classes at school. Attending dumbed-down lessons and having to use dumbed-down vocabulary is not benefiting him or anyone else.

 

I suggested he continue using his ordinary vocabulary, but he said it makes the other kids not accept him because they think he is showing off.

 

At school, DS1 is told by his teachers not to raise his hand to answer questions because it "makes the other kids feel stupid".

 

If he raises his hand, he does not get called on. The teachers call on other kids at random (others rarely raise their hands) and when those kids don't know the answer, the teacher tells it to them.

 

Oddly, class participation is at least 10% of everyone's grade.

 

In essence, having DS1 in their classes doesn't benefit the other students. His presence does not raise the bar by even a little bit.

:iagree:vehemently.

 

The reason we pulled ds was because his teacher informed us that we were not to teach him anymore. It caused disruptions. Ds would derail class, he was teaching his friends and classmates things that were beyond their level. Also, ds would ask questions the teacher could not answer. Then, he'd come home and we would find the answer. The next day he couldn't wait to share (please note this was not smarmy smart a$$ share, it was genuine excitement). The teacher found this to be counter productive. It took a bad report card before I dragged him home.

 

Of course, that meant that I was no longer sharing ds or volunteering at the school. I'm so selfish :glare:

[NanceXToo]

Selfish? Not at all! We're having a blast AND I think she's getting a better education. AND enjoying childhood more!

[littlebug42]

No. If I was being selfish, I would send them to school and have a lot of time to myself.

 

That is exactly what I was thinking. If I wanted to be selfish, I would put my kids in school and have my days to myself for my own pursuits. I am doing what is best for my children and putting them ahead of my own needs at times which is not the definition of selfish.

[TravelingChris]

NOt for me. If I was being selfish, I wouldn;t be homeschooling my girls which is not always that fun for me. But I know that they are doing best with it and so I am doing it. No, selfish would be me sending them to school so I could enjoy more luncheons, meetings of groups I am interested in, having occasional lunches with dh, etc.

[....]

 

The reason we pulled ds was because his teacher informed us that we were not to teach him anymore. It caused disruptions. Ds would derail class, he was teaching his friends and classmates things that were beyond their level. Also, ds would ask questions the teacher could not answer. Then, he'd come home and we would find the answer. The next day he couldn't wait to share (please note this was not smarmy smart a$$ share, it was genuine excitement). The teacher found this to be counter productive. It took a bad report card before I dragged him home.

 

 

 

 

This is "to the T" how my 2 oldest kids are. In fact, I told my husband this spring that this summer was the Point of No Return. There is no possibility of my daughter (the 2nd grader) returning to public school now without being a huge disruption. She's starting to challenge ME in areas. You just gotta tell them, "I don't know the answer right now, but we can get online and look it up or we can get a book from the library about it tomorrow." What are ya' gonna do? :glare:

 

I don't think public schools are used to kids being greatly motivated to learn things independently, or become subject-matter-experts like a lot of kids end up doing when they are interested in something.

[Mom2J112903]

I guess by pulling J out of school I will be losing "me" time, that makes me pretty darn selfish, huh? :tongue_smilie: I am a SAHM, so I am home *all day* without J-and when I go to pick him he is the *only* child that runs to their parent with a HUGE :D on their face and allows Momma to literally pick them up. I can't wait for the school year to end-only 3 more weeks!

[Guest EllieSmith]

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfish

 

If you look at that definition, it says that it means "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others"

 

You are having regard for your son and your family. You are having regard for the society that will have a well-socialized (at home), well educated adult who has been homeschooled. I wouldn't say that homeschooling is selfish at all. In fact, I'd say that we're darned altruistic!

 

:iagree:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Bwaaa Haa Haa. No, not selfish. While I do enjoy the significant personal benefits of keeping my children home, I do it FOR THEM. If I did not think this was best for them, I would not do it. My kids understand that it is a privilege to be homeschooled and they appreciate that. There have been many times in the 13 years since we started on this road that I wanted to throw in the towel. What kept me going was knowing that this is what they need.

[Guest Cindie2dds]

No. If I was being selfish, I would send them to school and have a lot of time to myself.

 

:iagree:

[Heather in AL]

That is exactly what I was thinking. If I wanted to be selfish, I would put my kids in school and have my days to myself for my own pursuits. I am doing what is best for my children and putting them ahead of my own needs at times which is not the definition of selfish.

:iagree: The correct term would be selfLESS.

 

I, too, hear the argument made to put my kids in school so they would "rub off" on the other kids. It just doesn't work that way! Why this isn't understood, I don't know. For *years* schools have been busing kids from lower achieving schools into high achieving schools, and the grades in the 'better' schools have gone down. Why does no one see (or acknowledge) the fact that the desire to do well doesn't "rub off"?

 

The whole 'I'm selfish because I homeschool' thing doesn't wash with me.

 

And OP, I understand about the hugs! My ds, who will be 15 on Friday, will still come to me (in the house, not in public, though) and say "I need a hug". We have a great relationship, as do my 13y/o dd and I. I must say that I love that. :D OK... that is selsifh. :lol:

[Mom2J112903]

 

And OP, I understand about the hugs! My ds, who will be 15 on Friday, will still come to me (in the house, not in public, though) and say "I need a hug". We have a great relationship, as do my 13y/o dd and I. I must say that I love that. :D OK... that is selsifh. :lol:

 

I keep telling myself that these hugs will not last forever, but for now, I keep every.single.one close to heart :D

 

I noticed you live in AL, me too :D very close to Helen Keller's home. Yeah, the Tornadoes that went thru Saturday evening-went right over my home :ack2:

[lionfamily1999]

This is "to the T" how my 2 oldest kids are. In fact, I told my husband this spring that this summer was the Point of No Return. There is no possibility of my daughter (the 2nd grader) returning to public school now without being a huge disruption. She's starting to challenge ME in areas. You just gotta tell them, "I don't know the answer right now, but we can get online and look it up or we can get a book from the library about it tomorrow." What are ya' gonna do? :glare:

 

I don't think public schools are used to kids being greatly motivated to learn things independently, or become subject-matter-experts like a lot of kids end up doing when they are interested in something.

Oh yes, I understand very well.

[Hedgehogs4]

it's funny this came up...a friend invited us today for a play date. she also invited another friend from church whose little girl is the same age as ours, but she didn't stay for mommy-time...she went grocery shopping...but that's neither here nor there...anyway, she sends her kids to ps. so the hosting mom and i were chatting about why she doesn't homeschool. she started out homeschooling in pre-k, but when it was time to send her older boy off to school, she was so sad, said she wished he didn't have to go, she just enjoyed being with him so much! my friend said, "so why not homeschool? then you can be with him as much as you want!" and her response was that she felt selfish keeping him home just because she enjoyed being with him. :confused: there is not a mom in the world i can imagine being better equipped to hs her kids, and yet she thinks it would be "selfish" on her part!? i don't understand that logic at all.

 

no...in fact i think that hsing is a selfless undertaking. it is a LOT of work and a lot of sacrifice. the "toughest job you'll ever love!"

[Jean in Newcastle]

it's funny this came up...a friend invited us today for a play date. she also invited another friend from church whose little girl is the same age as ours, but she didn't stay for mommy-time...she went grocery shopping...but that's neither here nor there...anyway, she sends her kids to ps. so the hosting mom and i were chatting about why she doesn't homeschool. she started out homeschooling in pre-k, but when it was time to send her older boy off to school, she was so sad, said she wished he didn't have to go, she just enjoyed being with him so much! my friend said, "so why not homeschool? then you can be with him as much as you want!" and her response was that she felt selfish keeping him home just because she enjoyed being with him. :confused: there is not a mom in the world i can imagine being better equipped to hs her kids, and yet she thinks it would be "selfish" on her part!? i don't understand that logic at all.

 

no...in fact i think that hsing is a selfless undertaking. it is a LOT of work and a lot of sacrifice. the "toughest job you'll ever love!"

 

Some people think that school is so good for their kids that they just can't imagine that having the kids home would actually be in the kid's best interest. Hard for me to wrap my mind around it, but it's true!

[Alphabetika]

There's nothing selfish about raising your own children.

[Barb_]

 

Do you sometimes feel that keeping your child(ren) home is selfish on your part?

 

Hmm...if you mean "self-centered" then no, I don't believe anyone who's ever seen a homeschooling mom in action could call the decision to keep their kids home self-centered. If you mean in my best self-interest, then yes. I chose to homeschool partly out of self-interest in the sense that I like my kids, I like flexiblity, I like to teach them, and it gives me something to do all day. But those are only some of the myriad reasons why I homeschool.

 

You don't need to be worrying about high school right now. A million things could happen between now and then. You could get run over by a bus. He could run off and get married at 16. Seriously, cross that bridge when you get there. With children, it's always good to keep the future in mind in a vague way but never try to plan more than one year at a time. Life has a way of taking you in unexpected directions.

 

Barb

[Peela]

I am not one to say I only homeschool for my kids benefit. I homeschool not only for my kids benefit, but because I want a close family, I love to learn, I love to be with them, and I love the lifestyle. The lifestyle also includes me not feeling I "should" be working in the world bringing in money. It has given me a passion. It has been very fulfilling. Not all those motivations are selfless.

 

However, I think people who arent familiar with homeschooling often have strange ideas about it. I can't see quite how it is selfish. The actual carrying out of homeschooling daily can be gruelling.

[LisaKinVA]

Absolutely not. Homeschooling is not my passion. There are days I hate it, and would love to do something different. But, there is nothing around here I feel would give my children what they need and deserve in an education.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love my children. I would miss them if they were in school, but there are days... When I only had one, or two -- it wasn't so bad. But now that we are rapidly approaching four? Stressful.

 

In my case, sending them off to school would be selfish. It would be saying, "I don't care if you have to spend 8 hrs. a day sitting in a chair learning nothing, bored to tears -- I don't want to teach you."

 

Working as hard as I do to make sure they are engaged, and learning...on top of everything else is anything but selfish.

[Orthodox6]

Homeschooling is not selfish. We invest our love, time, patience, and potentially "lost" income. No rational person can call that selfish.

 

We pay our bloated tax levels to support the "education" of other people's children, even though we are not "benefiting" from that "education". Granted this is the law; however, it indicates that we unselfishly do without what others receive.

[fmont6bu]

As someone else who has an only child for a myriad of health and other reasons, I understand the sentiment. My dd has thrived, however, and I know that she would flounder under a setting where sitting still and keeping quiet were key. Just because I get pleasure from homeschooling doesn't make me selfish though. I feel like I have to work harder because there isn't a built in playmate for her (and ps would have been that too). But we do so many things that it is a very rare day that she doesn't play with other kids. Heck we had two blizzards this year and she still didn't have a day without playing with kids.

[TXMomof4]

No. If I was being selfish, I would send them to school and have a lot of time to myself.

 

When dh and I discuss sending to kids to ps, all I can think is how selfish that would be of me. I KNOW this is the best thing for my kids. I have no financial reason or medical reason not to hs. It is purely selfish to decide (for me) that time to do fun things without 4 kids is more important than hsing my kids.

 

I am not saying if you send your kids to ps you are selfish. For myself, the rationale would be entirely selfish. So - they'll be at home.

[katiejane]

There's nothing selfish about raising your own children.

 

ITA :D

[Jen+4dc]

I am not one to say I only homeschool for my kids benefit. I homeschool not only for my kids benefit, but because I want a close family, I love to learn, I love to be with them, and I love the lifestyle. The lifestyle also includes me not feeling I "should" be working in the world bringing in money. It has given me a passion. It has been very fulfilling. Not all those motivations are selfless.

.

:iagree:

 

Homeschooling is not selfish. We invest our love, time, patience, and potentially "lost" income. No rational person can call that selfish.

 

We pay our bloated tax levels to support the "education" of other people's children, even though we are not "benefiting" from that "education". Granted this is the law; however, it indicates that we unselfishly do without what others receive.

:iagree::iagree:

 

Just because you enjoy doing something, doesn't make it inherently selfish!!!:D

[stripe]

Unless we're going to institute mandatory free love and communal childrearing, I don't think concern for one's family members (or selfishly not wanting to share one's spouse with your neighbors, and I don't mean for handiwork!) is abnormal.

[spradlin02]

Nope

[jujsky]

There is a very small element of of selfishness there. I love having my kids with me (most of the time) and can't imagine sending them away for 8 hours/day. For the most part, homeschooling is not selfish at all. I'm giving my kids a better education. DS would need special services and probably an aide in school so I'm saving the school district a ton of $$$$$. DS would also end up being a behavior problem in class so I'm saving the teacher and other kids the hassle of dealing with him. DD is a year ahead, but I doubt they would advance her in PS, so I'm saving them money there as well. I'm making sure my kids are well-educated both in book-smarts and in RL learning so they'll be able to go out in the world, get a jobs, and be productive members of society some day. I think my little bit of selfishness is worth all of the rewards :D

[Lilymax]

In my case, sending them off to school would be selfish. It would be saying, "I don't care if you have to spend 8 hrs. a day sitting in a chair learning nothing, bored to tears -- I don't want to teach you."

 

Working as hard as I do to make sure they are engaged, and learning...on top of everything else is anything but selfish.

:iagree:

 

Thankfully, I've never had anyone accuse me of being selfish by homeschooling. "Selfish" is one of the least-likely words I'd ever associate with homeschooling.

 

I have ran into the whole "let the good kids rub off on the bad kids" thing a few times, though. And it never works that way. I get my kids back having picked up bad behavior from the rogues, not the other way around.

 

Putting my kids in school would definitely be one of the most selfish things I could do as a mom, because the only person who would get anything out of that would be me! (Free time)

[Impish]

Selfish? Sure. How else would I get my daily pedicures, the housework and diamond mining done if I didn't have my slaves...errr...kids...homeschooling?:glare:

 

Some say that by keeping my kids at home, not sending them out to be 'salt and light', its selfish. I counter with 'bad company corrupts good character' and leave it at that.

 

Is it selfish to keep my kids at home so that their biggest influences are us? Is it selfish that they're being raised in an environment that meet their educational, emotional, physical and spiritual needs?

 

Probably :glare: Cause, ya know, other kids aren't getting that, so giving my kids anything potentially 'better' is selfish.

[Terabith]

Well, I DO feel a little selfish homeschooling. Not completely, because I feel like my dd is getting a better education than she would in ps. But, I am sort of selfish. I can't imagine trying to get my kids to the bus stop by 6:45 am. We're all night owls. It would be brutal on all of us, and it would REALLY annoy me.

 

I like that we can go to the beach in September. I like the flexibility. I like not having to deal with homework.

 

That said, I'm seriously wondering if my youngest might do better in school. She is flourishing in preschool, and my plan for next year is to register her as a kindergarten homeschool student, do some phonics and math a few times a week, and send her to another year at her preschool with her awesome teacher. But after that? I don't know. She might do better in school. (Especially if I could find one that didn't start till 9 am.) But, for selfish reasons, like what it would do to our family life in terms of time, I'm unlikely to send her. But we'll see.