If I knew then what I know now....

[Mommamia]

I wouldnt' have stressed so much when my dc were 6 yrs old. I would have enjoyed our days more(like so many of you told me to). I would have ditched certain curriculum earlier. I most definitely would not have spent so much time wondering if we should join a group or co-op...wondering if my kids were going to be antisocial if we didn't join one. Been there, done that...now I know.

 

Now if I could only talk to my future self right now...so I wouldn't waste another year worrying about certain things. :glare:

 

How about you....What do you know now that you wish you knew then?

 

*I'm pretty sure that sentence doesn't make sense:001_huh:

[lea1]

:bigear::bigear::bigear: --Mom of two little 4 year olds :001_smile:

[Dandelion]

I wouldnt' have stressed so much when my dc were 6 yrs old. I would have enjoyed our days more(like so many of you told me to). I would have ditched certain curriculum earlier. I most definitely would not have spent so much time wondering if we should join a group or co-op...wondering if my kids were going to be antisocial if we didn't join one. Been there, done that...now I know.

 

My "future self" will probably write this unless I relax NOW... Because these are things I am currently stressing about (DS is 6 and DD is 2).

 

So thanks for posting this - my "current self" is waiting with bated breath to read (and learn from!!) what will be posted in reply! ;)

[jld]

I think I probably did the best I could. But I totally agree that relaxing and just enjoying the kids is the best way to go. Please don't let curriculum get in the way of that!:)

[Pink Fairy]

I would read a lot fewer books on how to be the "best" mom, who in turn would have the "best" kids, if only I followed whatever formula said book was selling. Also, more acceptance of my own and my children's faults.

 

Thankfully, I learned some of this in time to enjoy my younger ones more, and my older ones aren't too scarred by their mother's previous perfectionism. :001_smile:

[Remudamom]

Spend more time with them. Now. And don't stress over high school. It's been a non issue here.

[MamaT]

Stress about the little things less, and laugh more.

[Peela]

I would have worried less. I came from a lot of fear (fear of ruining their lives!) and I think it directed me to make decisions that were fear based rather than intelligent. Since I started homeschooling later (the kids were ages 7 and 9) I felt I was "behind" already, paerticularly with TWTM, and so was too panicky about "catching them up", especially my ds, instead of solidifying where we were at before moving on.

I would have worried less about the perfect curriculum and just used what I had and maybe spent the money on getting myself a decent massage regularly instead :)

I would have done more field trips and enjoyed the kids more- done more cooking with them and camping and bushwalks. We did do plenty of socialising and I am glad we did.

And I think it would have been healthier for me to have stayed caught up with my own friends and social life more than I did. Nourishing myself and keeping myself involved in my own interests more would have been healthier than being quite so obsessive about homeschooling.

But...its all turning out pretty well anyway. It's lucky kids are so resilient!

[happyhomemaker25]

Would have definatly spent more times getting my kids acclimated to home before jumping into homeschool.

We adopted them, pulled them from public school, and started everything from the WTM homeschooling in the same week. What a disaster!

I would have spent more time with my three and four year olds exploring the world around them and reading, reading, reading.

My current 4yo and his soon to be baby sister are going to have such a different schooling experience.

[novagirl]

My "future self" will probably write this unless I relax NOW... Because these are things I am currently stressing about (DS is 6 and DD is 2).

 

So thanks for posting this - my "current self" is waiting with bated breath to read (and learn from!!) what will be posted in reply! ;)

 

 

 

This is me now too!!:lurk5:

[LibraryLover]

And something very important, imo, and I say this kindly, is to realize your other children are so very young. You can enjoy them, you can read to them, you can slow down with them. You can laugh with them, play Boggle & Candy Land, & watch funny movies etc. You are a *family*.

 

The past is gone. Gone. Let it rest. When you have older kids and babies, 8 yr olds seems so grown up, and 12 yr olds seem like little adutls. But they are all still young children and you can start new each day.

 

:) And if you already understand all of this, forgive my 'reminder'. :)

 

 

Would have definatly spent more times getting my kids acclimated to home before jumping into homeschool.

We adopted them, pulled them from public school, and started everything from the WTM homeschooling in the same week. What a disaster!

I would have spent more time with my three and four year olds exploring the world around them and reading, reading, reading.

My current 4yo and his soon to be baby sister are going to have such a different schooling experience.

[Angie in VA]

Spend more time with them. Now. And don't stress over high school. It's been a non issue here.

 

Come sit by me, please! DD is in 9th grade and I feel like there is this huge clock over my shoulder at all times w/ the word "COLLEGE" written across it and it's ticking LOUDLY all the time!

 

She's fine as far as being on course to cover everything, but I'm still a little bit worried.

 

Thanks for saying this. I needed that!

Edited April 22, 2010 by Angie in VA
for clarity

[hillfarm]

One friend told me years ago to enjoy each day with my dd, because she won't be the exact same person tomorrow and neither will I. I would also stress less about academics and put more focus on character.

 

The other main thing I would try to do would be to appreciate "normal" more. With the deaths of my df and fil, I have learned that things can be going along fine one day and then in the space of a phone call, everything can change. I do wish that I had been able to cherish the time I had with them more while it was actually happening instead of after their passing. Honestly, I don't like the world as much without them.

 

And finally, I wish that I had been a bit more disciplined with myself than I have been. Better health habits, more intellectual rigor for ME, in general that I had lived up to a bit more of my potential and been less indulgent. I am seeing now that no, there won't be more time later to do these things. I am just as busy now as I was then and now that I am older and so much time has lapsed, it is much harder to reestablish a great habit than to continue one.

[LibraryLover]

I know that everything I have done as a parent, as imperfect as humans are, has been done with thought and care. Respecting our children and their individual needs has always been what has driven dh & me as parents. We have stepped wrongly at times, although that isn't terribly concerning to me, as I know nothing was done thoughtlessly. I trust my young parenting self. I know she did the best she could. If I see her in my memories when she was so tired, and the children so young and needy-- I see she was almost always careful and gentle, and so I have a soft spot in my heart for any missteps she might have taken.

 

I don't have particular regrets. I wonder what our bank account might look like if we had skipped private school and gone straight to hsing, lol Still. I do not regret the school or those years at all. It was a warm & welcoming place, and I still sometimes miss it. My children have fond memories. My youngest does special and summer programming there, so I can get my little fix. ;)

 

I didn't always understand --none of us really can-- how quickly time does pass, and how kids would rather have you on the floor. They don't see dust, they don't know the kitchen cabinets need 'decluttering'.

 

When I was a young teen, I saw Our Town performed and the scene where the dead daughter cries to her mother "Just let's look at each, for once, let's really look at each, Mama!" moved me to sobbing tears. I have carried that scene in my heart since then. The day I homebirthed my first son, I saw Emily in his face. That has always made me stop and breathe and consider. I know I did the best I could in that way, even if it is never quite enough as time moves so darn quickly.

Edited April 22, 2010 by LibraryLover

[sarao]

I would not have bought all the curriculum my friends were buying. Just because they liked it and it worked for their kids I felt I had to have it too!

[MariannNOVA]

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm, I thought I knew it 'then,' and I'm right, I did. This is it:

 

Time goes by like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

MAKE MEMORIES! Laugh with your kids. Be the mom who is shooting hoops with them, playing in the pool with them, playing hopscotch with them, playing flashlight tag with them, catching fireflies with them, making smores with them, telling them stories about when you were a kid.....these are the teachable moments that can happen in between 'teaching' them. Make your home their haven, read them books, read them more books, and then go to the library and bring home more books. Save their toys especially their favorite toys....your grandchildren will love playing with them. Save special outfits and clothes.....your grandchildren will love wearing them.

 

See things through their eyes. Tonight, dh took the twins to their first major league baseball game. I stayed home with dd11 who is sick. I remember my first big league game -- well, judging from the phone call I just received on the ride home, the twins will as well. It was cold, wet, and they were watching one of the worst teams in baseball, and you would think they had just flown on the Millenium Falcon with Han Solo and Chewbacca --they are hoarse, they have autographs, they ate baseball park food, they have souvenirs.....see things through their eyes and you will get to re-live all that fun stuff again.

 

I have watched dd31 with my two grand daughters -- things that I did when she was little that I wasn't even aware of, I see her doing with her two little girls. We are homeschooling, yes indeed; but we are doing something that goes beyond curric, and spines, and methods, etc. We are having and will continue to have SUCH an enormous imprint on oour children.

 

 

What else: Yes, lice IS that contagious!

Yes, they must take a bath if they were playing outside.

They probably WILL take care of the dog pretty much most of the time :glare: - except if there's two feet of snow on the ground.

No, sand in their bathing suit doesn't bother them.

 

My two older daughters tell me still that they knew then and were so aware of how much I loved them. THAT is what is most important - make sure they know that you love them....even when you don't like them very much.

 

And, finally, I know that 'you never know.' I have a dd31, dd29, dd11, twins b/g 9.5, and two grand daughters - 6 and 4.5

 

 

You never know!;)

Edited April 22, 2010 by MariannNOVA

[ncmom2dawters]

I wish I would have spent less time vested in and tending to tasks for our local homeschool group. It took to much valuable time away from my family.

[Kidlit]

No advice--just wanted to say this thread made me cry. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm pregnant, though. Maybe that's why. :D

[Pretty in Pink]

I wish I had spent less time reading parenting books and message boards and always trying to become someone else, and just spent that time looking at my oldest child, really seeing him, and doing the things that he wanted to do. I try to do that now, to do the things that they want to do when they ask me to do it. Things like playing a board game or tossing a football or making cocoa, just little things that are really big things that often get overlooked.

 

Also, it goes without saying that the time passes so quickly. I wish I had taken more photos. One day that's all I will have to remember those sweet little faces by.

 

And now I'm feeling all weepy and sentimental so I'll probably bring the baby in to cuddle with me tonight.

[hsbaby]

Mine are still young, and I am still learning. However, I would echo previous and RELAX! I started poor ds off in K with high academic goals. I mean, we were homeschoolers, we were supposed to be academically ahead...right?!?!? I wish that thought had never entered my mind. We would focused far less on curriculum and getting "ahead", and more on field trips, family time, character development, etc. I have learned to stop comparing ourselves with others and just work at our own pace. If we fall behind because an awesome field trip opportunity comes up, so be it!! Our math workbooks will be there tomorrow. I also wish we had read aloud more together. I started off attempting to read the "classics" to my children. I found myself bypassing the "fun" stuff. Now we mix it up a bit and spend a lot more time reading together. Finally, I wish that I wouldn't have been a cheapie and continued with curriculum that just wasn't working with a particular child.

[Dobela]

My oldest will be 10 in a few days and I wish I had just sat on the couch with him more snuggling. Not even reading or watching TV, but just enjoying the closeness when he wanted it. I wish that I spent more time listening to him talk about whatever was on his mind - no matter how trivial it seemed to me. I wish I spent less time trying to find the perfect curriculum and instead just relaxed and adapted what I had (when I could adapt it). I wish I had paid attention to my son's learning preferences sooner - he hated all those unit studies and prefers textbooks of all things LOL. I wish I had stopped reading all the curriculum threads sooner so I wouldn't have been tempted to buy so many things that we didn't need.

[jujsky]

I would have waited another year to start school with my kids.

[Kirch]

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm, I thought I knew it 'then,' and I'm right, I did. This is it:

 

Time goes by like this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

MAKE MEMORIES! Laugh with your kids. Be the mom who is shooting hoops with them, playing in the pool with them, playing hopscotch with them, playing flashlight tag with them, catching fireflies with them, making smores with them, telling them stories about when you were a kid.....these are the teachable moments that can happen in between 'teaching' them. Make your home their haven, read them books, read them more books, and then go to the library and bring home more books. Save their toys especially their favorite toys....your grandchildren will love playing with them. Save special outfits and clothes.....your grandchildren will love wearing them.

 

See things through their eyes. Tonight, dh took the twins to their first major league baseball game. I stayed home with dd11 who is sick. I remember my first big league game -- well, judging from the phone call I just received on the ride home, the twins will as well. It was cold, wet, and they were watching one of the worst teams in baseball, and you would think they had just flown on the Millenium Falcon with Han Solo and Chewbacca --they are hoarse, they have autographs, they ate baseball park food, they have souvenirs.....see things through their eyes and you will get to re-live all that fun stuff again.

 

What else: Yes, lice IS that contagious!

Yes, they must take a bath if they were playing outside.

They probably WILL take care of the dog pretty much most of the time :glare: - except if there's two feet of snow on the ground.

No, sand in their bathing suit doesn't bother them.

 

My two older daughters tell me still that they knew then and were so aware of how much I loved them. THAT is what is most important - make sure they know that you love them....even when you don't like them very much.

 

And, finally, I know that 'you never know.' I have a dd31, dd29, dd11, twins b/g 9.5, and two grand daughters - 6 and 4.5

 

 

You never know!;)

 

Thanks for this. I needed the reminder. :)

[MariannNOVA]

Thanks for this. I needed the reminder. :)

 

 

Awwwwwwwww, you're welcome. One of the reasons I posted it is b/c I need the reminder sometimes too. Now I can print it out, and put it someplace handy.;)

[Alphabetika]

So many things come to mind, but the umbrella over them all is this:

 

Homeschooling is about HOME, not about schooling.

[forevergrace]

Sometimes the right words are just said. Thank you for reminding, (after an exhausting day at art class) that I'm doing the best I can!!

Forevergrace

[Johanna]

So many things come to mind, but the umbrella over them all is this:

 

Homeschooling is about HOME, not about schooling.

 

YES!! this is good....why do I often forget this!!!

[Peela]

 

 

 

THAT is what is most important - make sure they know that you love them....even when you don't like them very much.

 

 

 

 

I loved your whole post but this bit especially caught my eye. Its so true. I have tried to live by this, but I still sometimes lose sight of the forest for the trees. Those little misdemeanors, those rough days, those times when I yell in frustration- *I* know I still love them, but these are sensitve young beings and *they* dont always feel loved when they have made a mistake and are being corrected. Sometimes I lose perspective, and those little things like not doing chores seem like really big things. And, they really are not big things at all, in the big scheme of things.

[MariannNOVA]

I loved your whole post but this bit especially caught my eye. Its so true. I have tried to live by this, but I still sometimes lose sight of the forest for the trees. Those little misdemeanors, those rough days, those times when I yell in frustration- *I* know I still love them, but these are sensitve young beings and *they* dont always feel loved when they have made a mistake and are being corrected. Sometimes I lose perspective, and those little things like not doing chores seem like really big things. And, they really are not big things at all, in the big scheme of things.[/QUOTE]

 

Thank you so much for your kind words -- and, heavens, you are so right about what you posted.:iagree:

[Closeacademy]

I would have held off on schooling until they were in the first grade. I would have relaxed, played, painted, colored, baked, read good books, listened and explored the world with them.

 

Starting phonics work at 4 or 5 doesn't mean that they will learn to read at 4 or 5 it just means that you will be doing phonics work until they are ready to learn to read. I should have held off on phonics until they were 6 or 7 because they both learned to read at 8 which is when most children are developmentally ready to do so.

 

Working so much in math workbooks at an early age and moving forward just made my dd hate math. I wish we would have just played with math, played games, talked about it, read books but not work in workbooks until she was older and ready to do the work herself.

 

I think doing bookwork in preschool and kindergarten is one thing I regret the most.:001_smile:

[TammyinTN]

I would of done Charlotte Mason style homeschooling from the very beginning. Hugged my kids more and stressed a lot less!

[justamouse]

I would have worried less. I came from a lot of fear (fear of ruining their lives!) and I think it directed me to make decisions that were fear based rather than intelligent. Since I started homeschooling later (the kids were ages 7 and 9) I felt I was "behind" already, paerticularly with TWTM, and so was too panicky about "catching them up", especially my ds, instead of solidifying where we were at before moving on.

 

I would have worried less about the perfect curriculum and just used what I had and maybe spent the money on getting myself a decent massage regularly instead :)

 

I would have done more field trips and enjoyed the kids more- done more cooking with them and camping and bushwalks. We did do plenty of socialising and I am glad we did.

 

And I think it would have been healthier for me to have stayed caught up with my own friends and social life more than I did. Nourishing myself and keeping myself involved in my own interests more would have been healthier than being quite so obsessive about homeschooling.

But...its all turning out pretty well anyway. It's lucky kids are so resilient!

 

This is exactly what I would say. to a T.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

..

[bookfiend]

Thank you for all of your wisdom. Oh, how I long for the ability to keep it in front of me.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Stress about the little things less, and laugh more.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Renee in NC]

I wish I had known what dh's career possibilities were so that I would have set us up to be a two career family. I wouldn't give up homeschooling, but I would've prepared for a career that would either pay good wages for odd hours (like nursing) or paid good enough wages to pay for child care while I worked if dh was also working the same hours (like a pharmacist.)

 

Also, we would have stayed in NC. Living near UNC gave me alot more possibilities for further education than where I am now.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I would have homeschooled from the very beginning. If that wasn't possible I would have homeschooled as soon as we could no longer afford the private christian school DD went to. Either way DD would never have gone to public junior high - which was the beginning of a lot of problems for us.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

 

The past is gone. Gone. Let it rest. When you have older kids and babies, 8 yr olds seems so grown up, and 12 yr olds seem like little adutls. But they are all still young children and you can start new each day.

 

:) And if you already understand all of this, forgive my 'reminder'. :)

 

 

Thank you. I really, really, really needed to hear that.

 

I spend way too much time focusing on the people I hope they will be rather than just enjoying, appreciating, and taking in the people they are today.

[happyhomemaker25]

And something very important, imo, and I say this kindly, is to realize your other children are so very young. You can enjoy them, you can read to them, you can slow down with them. You can laugh with them, play Boggle & Candy Land, & watch funny movies etc. You are a *family*.

 

The past is gone. Gone. Let it rest. When you have older kids and babies, 8 yr olds seems so grown up, and 12 yr olds seem like little adutls. But they are all still young children and you can start new each day.

 

:) And if you already understand all of this, forgive my 'reminder'. :)

 

 

Thank you! I have been trying to come to terms with that. It was in all my fury of trying to get ready for 6th grade last year that I started to panic. Then I sat back and remembered when I almost killed myself thinking 2nd grade had to be so fast paced. LOL

I do appreciate this reminder. My 7 and 8yo are finishing up 2nd grade and they are at a much slower pace the I allowed my older two. Every two kids seems to be a little more mellow. :001_huh:

[QuirkyKapers]

Stress about the little things less, and laugh more.

:iagree:

 

This is so hard to do....But like others have said life is about change...I know that I get in this mindset that if I commit to this or do that it when will it ever end...As I get older, it has been surprising how quick the seasons change...

 

I am trying hard to relax and grab those enjoyable, teachable moments with the kids... Laughing and not sweating all the small stuff... Being comfortable with the fact that my style of schooling is more relaxed, that it ebbs and flows between structure and embracing the moment...the flexiblity to let go of my agenda when the kids have something they really are interesting in learning .. Just getting better at just doing what I think and not sweating what others do so much...how they do school differently, discipline differently. I am trying to live life recognizing and naming those moments that I am grateful for. Really, if I am not living life with gratitude, hope and joy what in the heck do my kids really have to look forward to anyway? I am learning that grabbing and recognizing those moments throughout the day that I am grateful for begets more gratitude and it certainly changes the entire tone in my family.....