Just finished reading "Top of the Class" ...

[Luanne]

... and it got me thinking ... how seriously did your parents take your education when you were growing up? My parents just assumed we were "doing our best" and didn't seem to show any interest at all in whether we learned anything or not. They never reminded us to do our homework or even cared what grades we got or what classes we took. I wish they would have taken it more seriously so I would have. I don't hold it against them (please don't think I do), but I do wish I hadn't wasted so much time in school and just skated by - not caring.

[jld]

They always thought I was doing fine. I wish I had been homeschooled. I see what my dd is doing, and I would have loved the freedom that she has as a homeschooler.

[KarenC]

They had no idea what was going on in any of my classes. They didn't know what classes I signed up for each semester and gave me no advice as far as college planning. They only looked at my grades each semester, and as long as they were good, there was no discussion.

 

I really wish I had been homeschooled also. I think I would have learned more and been happier.

 

Karen

[Old Dominion Heather]

Extremely seriously. They were both teachers. They took it seriously enough to have me travel 25+ miles a day to go to the best school around here through 4th grade and then they homeschooled me when that school didn't live up to their expectations.

[m0mmaBuck]

We had an incredible school system. We had a strong curriculum and (for the most part) great teachers. Even so, they asked about our homework every night, read our papers, and generally knew where each of their six kids should be academically and held us to that level.

[kalanamak]

My parents just assumed we were "doing our best" and didn't seem to show any interest at all in whether we learned anything or not. They never reminded us to do our homework or even cared what grades we got or what classes we took. I wish they would have taken it more seriously so I would have.

 

:iagree:

 

My parents were huge believers in the privacy of the mind, and while they were pleased when we did well, they didn't heap it on (I recall when I got really stellar MCAT scores, my mother mentioned "your father has been whistling a lot this week". That meant he was happy. She didn't put it in context, and she didn't have to. That was the only peep I ever got from either of them they were pleased I was going to med school), and they were silent if we didn't. They didn't get involved with homework unless you had a specific question, we had no "study space" or "study time". They broke all the rules I read for parents to encourage learners except that they read themselves, a lot. (And read to us!)

 

All 6 of us got advanced degrees, with 4 of us getting professional degrees. I believe they taught by example, and I wish I had the guts to do it. I hope, hope, hope, as kiddo gets older, I have the courage to not horn in on his little mind. He's the one who has to live with it.

Edited April 11, 2010 by kalanamak

[Guest]

:iagree:

I believe they taught by example, and I wish I had the guts to do it. I hope, hope, hope, as kiddo gets older, I have the courage to not horn in on his little mind. He's the one who has to live with it.

 

It is clear that you already respect your son's individuality of mind, so it's my guess you will find your way toward giving him a good measure of that privacy that was granted to you.

 

I found your post truly thought-provoking and inspiring.

[kalanamak]

I found your post truly thought-provoking and inspiring.

 

I also forgot to add that they spoke to us like adults, and that we had a formal sitdown dinner every night where the conversation wandered from world events to the proper pronunciation of "chaotic" to a roundrobin on which of Maugham's short stories was his best (my vote was for The Lotus Eater). We played games such as "how many words can you think of that were imported into English from the Indian subcontinent."

We also Volksmarched together, and shared a love of jokes and pranks. Lots of laughter....I believe the "tortured achiever" is the minority, and most people whose work I admire have an underlying zest for life.

 

Example, example, example. Far more profound an influence, neurologically, than mere words.

[Mejane]

My parents had high expectations. It used to drive me crazy when I'd bring home a report card with four A's and a B, and my mom would say, "A "B"? You can do better." Now I say it to MY kids.

[Renee in NC]

I also forgot to add that they spoke to us like adults, and that we had a formal sitdown dinner every night where the conversation wandered from world events to the proper pronunciation of "chaotic" to a roundrobin on which of Maugham's short stories was his best (my vote was for The Lotus Eater). We played games such as "how many words can you think of that were imported into English from the Indian subcontinent."

We also Volksmarched together, and shared a love of jokes and pranks. Lots of laughter....I believe the "tortured achiever" is the minority, and most people whose work I admire have an underlying zest for life.

 

Example, example, example. Far more profound an influence, neurologically, than mere words.

 

What a great example you had.

 

My parents paid no attention to my education at all. Not only that, but neither even read books in front of me - they didn't read, never talked to me about anything of any substance, and never encouraged my education.

[angela in ohio]

Very, very seriously. I joke that the Asian parents in Top of the Class don't have much on Irish families. :D We were expected to work hard, my parents took us on field trips and educational family trips constantly, we were in every class and club available.

[athena1277]

My parents took education pretty seriously. My mom always worked on stuff with us like math facts and studying for tests. She always made sure we were as prepared as we could be for our tests and did all our homework. It wasn't really afterschooling as she never went beyond what we were learning in school, but she made sure we kept up with our classes.

[Impish]

The only thing they took seriously were my report cards.

 

I got in crap for studying. I was sitting down, being lazy. I should have been cleaning their room, or reporting for whatever extra chores were laying about.

 

They had no clue what I was reading. I would get in crap for reading same as studying.

 

Its no surprise to ME that I ended up the way I did...but to them, it was shameful. I had BRAINS, I should have used them. That's all they see. They don't see how the work needed to be done, that I should have been allowed the time, even encouraged.

 

When parents don't value education, its hard for the kids to. When parents don't value the child, its hard for the child to.

 

Its all a children learn what they live situation.

[elegantlion]

They had no idea what was going on in any of my classes. They didn't know what classes I signed up for each semester and gave me no advice as far as college planning. They only looked at my grades each semester, and as long as they were good, there was no discussion.

 

I really wish I had been homeschooled also. I think I would have learned more and been happier.

 

Karen

 

:iagree:Except I don't think my mom would have enjoyed homeschooling and I'm glad she didn't try. My parents expected the school to provide everything, including training in life skills. I made it through high school with very little guidance from the school and while my parents cared they didn't lead me in any direction.

 

We could hardly be involved in after school activities as we had one car, my dad worked nights, and the school was too far away to walk home.

 

(Insert long story here). It has taken me years and bringing up hurtful memories to realize my parents did the best they could. I was ill prepared for adult life in many ways. Dh and I have different stories but we arrived at adulthood in the disorganized state.

 

The good thing is that we do a lot of talking and planning with ds on his interests and what the end result of his education (life and academics) will be.

[mammaruss]

 

My parents paid no attention to my education at all. Not only that, but neither even read books in front of me - they didn't read, never talked to me about anything of any substance, and never encouraged my education.

 

That is EXACTLY how my parents were!!

My mom showed up at conferences and that was the extent of her "job". My job was to go to school and tolerate the bullies, avoid the drugs, put up with the awful teachers--without a complaint and bring home a decent report card. We had such a problem with drugs and guns in school in the late 70's early 80's that we had a full time cop in our school. In our school--you did not get sent to the principal's office--you got sent to "Norman". I was scared to death at school every.single.day.

[jazzyfizzle]

That is EXACTLY how my parents were!!

My mom showed up at conferences and that was the extent of her "job". My job was to go to school and tolerate the bullies, avoid the drugs, put up with the awful teachers--without a complaint and bring home a decent report card. .

 

 

:iagree: Same here. We were not read to, nor did our parents read.

They did buy me books on subjects that I had an interest in, most of those I still have sitting on my bookshelf here in the dining room. I have to LOL at the Irish families- same here- and our parents did work very hard at everything from starting businesses to our mother's huge garden and pantry of canned goods.

I can say that she would have never homeschooled as I am sure she would have thought it would have taken too much of her time.

:(

[Sputterduck]

I also forgot to add that they spoke to us like adults, and that we had a formal sitdown dinner every night where the conversation wandered from world events to the proper pronunciation of "chaotic" to a roundrobin on which of Maugham's short stories was his best (my vote was for The Lotus Eater). We played games such as "how many words can you think of that were imported into English from the Indian subcontinent."

We also Volksmarched together, and shared a love of jokes and pranks. Lots of laughter....I believe the "tortured achiever" is the minority, and most people whose work I admire have an underlying zest for life.

 

Example, example, example. Far more profound an influence, neurologically, than mere words.

 

This is a very inspiring post. Thank you.

[kalanamak]

Not only that, but neither even read books in front of me - they didn't read, never talked to me about anything of any substance, and never encouraged my education.

 

Well, if you are here, you are bucking the trend. It is the salvation of humanity that we can look about us and decide to change, within reason, of course.

[myfunnybunch]

I knew that I was absolutely expected to get good grades. I knew my mother would help me with my homework or proofread any time I asked. My mother was a room parent for one of us every year in elementary and worked at the junior high school while I was there, so she saw my teachers daily, but by high school I was on my own.

 

Other than that, they were not involved at all. They didn't ask questions, talk to my teachers, check to see if I'd done my homework, look at any of my schoolwork. They just expected me to take care of things. All in all, I believe that their expectation that I be responsible for myself made me take responsiblity for myself, because I was that kind of kid.

 

They were both good students and hard workers, people who liked to learn and to read. They each grew up with hard-working blue-collar parents for whom the opportunity to go to college was simply not an option, and for whom education was a privilege. That was typical for the community in which I grew up, and my parents were unusual among their friends in that both of them had attended college. Looking back, I can see that the importance of doing well in public school followed by going to college as a means to be successful (rather than something taken for granted as a right) was a community value, which also helped impress upon us younger folk the importance of doing well in school.

 

Cat

[forty-two]

My parents considered education to be very important, and made it a priority, but not in the way that parents are expected to now. I mean, they had us put schoolwork first and they went to all our school functions and helped out (room mom, running a booth at the school carnival), helped us with our homework, and paid attention to our report cards. But they didn't pay any attention to what we were learning - they assumed the school and our teachers knew what they were doing. As well, they expected me to be responsible for all my school stuff (time management, selecting classes, etc.), and only helped if I asked. It worked out fine for me, though I had lots of wasted time in school (read multiple books a day during class from 6th on), which was my initial impetus to hs.

 

They set a good example, though. My parents both read a lot, and they read to us. We had tons of books in the house and went to the library a lot. We'd discuss all sorts of things at the dinner table, and dissect TV shows during the commercials. My dad also has been working on physics experiments for years, and I would help him as he explained what he was doing and why.

[Luanne]

:iagree: Same here. We were not read to, nor did our parents read.

They did buy me books on subjects that I had an interest in, most of those I still have sitting on my bookshelf here in the dining room. I have to LOL at the Irish families- same here- and our parents did work very hard at everything from starting businesses to our mother's huge garden and pantry of canned goods.

I can say that she would have never homeschooled as I am sure she would have thought it would have taken too much of her time.

:(

 

 

... my parents reading to us at all or reading themselves for that matter. I remember asking for books and being told that we didn't have money for "things" like that. I remember asking to go to the library, but my mother just considered it a waste of gas and time.

 

My daughter owns tons of books and I take her to the library at least once a week. I read voraciously now. I guess I learned from my parent's example ... how NOT to do it.

[Rosie_0801]

Oh yes, my parents had great expectations but their actions and attitudes were very much the lower middle class that they were. They did what they thought was best, but it would have been nice if they'd been a bit more positive. It was stupid to make a big deal out of opening and reading my report and huffing and puffing as though they're about to go crook, then tell me it was good. It was really hypocritical for my Dad to snarl, well almost spit at me, actually, "Congratulations for PASSING," when I had one A, one D and the rest Bs and Cs. Not stellar marks, of course, but they sure beat his achievements. He failed year 12! Instead of looking at marks and saying "oh well, you did your best," (and I did- it wasn't my fault they were divorcing that year!) he chose to look at my uni entrance score because it was low. Of course it was low, I studied mostly humanities. My friend got four As and only one point higher on her uni entrance score, because they were in drama. Then, two years later, he felt the need to rub it all in again because my sister got 20 points higher than I did. No accounting for the fact that my year had been the hardest marked and scores were too low so they had to re-jig the system!

 

Silly that these things still hurt 12 years later...

 

Rosie

[LibraryLover]

My frist memories of my mother, and of childhood are of her reading to me, and playing the Naptime Rhyming Game, as we called it. My dad was a reader and a lover of history. I think I read Anne Boelyn in our bathroom before I got a library card. lol My would order classic books that she couldn't find in the store, but she thought we should own. We didn't have a ton of money; my parents married very young. He was a semsitive person who wrote poetry. :) he wrote one about me... "She was born on a Saturday night..." it began. :sniff: Can't say more, it's private. lol

 

He has a beautiful voice, and knew every song in the world it seemed to me. From Ave Maria to Mac the Knife. lol I suppose that was odd. He would sing To Dream the Impossible Dream, tears nearly coming to our eyes, and then easiy switch over to 'When the shark bites..." with snappy fingers. He looked like Bert from Mary Poppins to me, and I think I got them confused sometimes. lol Songs are poetry; we grew up with my mother reading to us, and my father singing to us nearly every day of our young lives. We took city tennis lessons, although none of us is really good at it. lol

 

When we were tiny, they bought us a set of World Book encyclopedias that I coveted. You could look up anything, it seemed! It's probably why I love the internet today. hehehehehe. I may have been addicted to those books. We had the whole Childcraft series as well, and I memorized all of those poems, and have taught them to my children. "But now I am six, I'm as clever as clever. I think I'll be six now forever and ever".

 

My mom made sure we were in scouts (not costly) and she took us to the Y for swimming lessons. She did Mommy & Me with all my sibs. She didn't know there was such a thing when I was born. I remember too, sitting on one of tot chairs that attached to those older kind of prams from the 60's & 70's. My sister would be in the carraige part, and I would sit on that chair and she would talk to me through the whole walk. Later, we all had music lessons, and the girls had ballet lessons. They talked thoughtful politics daily. They took us to summer stock plays on the cape.

 

My parents had an immature marraige and that was hard on all of us. They did divorce, but had they been older, wiser, when they married, I think our childhood might have been pretty perfect. But it was very far from it, and those books were the great escape.

Edited April 12, 2010 by LibraryLover

[mammaruss]

[quote name=Luanne;1624988 I remember asking to go to the library' date=' but my mother just considered it a waste of gas and time.

 

My daughter owns tons of books and I take her to the library at least once a week. I read voraciously now. I guess I learned from my parent's example ... how NOT to do it.[/quote]

 

I can relate!! <3 I asked my Mom to bring me to the library 2 wks in a row...and she responded with, "didn't I just take you last week??" :001_huh: I got the wasting gas lecture....nevermind that we drove right by the library on our way to the grocery store!! grrrrrrrr!!

We now take our youngest ds 2x a week and if he asked for a 3rd or 4th--we would bring him!!!

[Garga]

They wanted me to do well, but they didn't actively help. As long as I got As and Bs, they just let me do my thing. They had no idea that I was doing the minimum amount of work to squeak out my As and Bs and that I promptly forgot all of it. They never checked my work or asked me about it. They just looked at the report card and nodded.

 

The expectation always was that I would go to college, so I took college-prep classes. But in the end when I was 16 I got a job and they said, "Well, you have a job already. We can give you $5000 towards a car or towards college." I chose the car. But I was a dumb 16 year old! ACK! All those stupid college-prep French classes. What a waste of time.

 

So, here I am at 37 with all the obligations of an adult with a family, trying to get through college. I hate it. I wish I'd gone as a kid. I'm completely confused as to why they suddenly told me to just work and buy the car and let me throw away my educational future. (I'm not mad at them, just frustrated.)

[TravelingChris]

My parents weren't hovering or cajoling. It worked very well for my older brother and for myself but not for my younger sister. My parents read a lot and what really amazes me is how my mom would translate books to me but not haltingly but in flowing language. She also made up stories for me as bedtime stories that were really wonderful. We also went to lots of family educational trips and our vacations were often at state parks where my dad made sure we attended evening programs and nature walks so that we could learn about our surroundings. We were given music lessons, dance lessons for the girls, Scouts for whoever wanted it, etc. My dh had a very different childhood but the one thing we both had in common was that we got books on our interests when we were in mid elementary school. I got a big book about birds and he got a big astronomy book.

 

My father died when I was just 13 but my mom fully supported my going away to school and was really happy that I went to the University of Chicago. I think my parents did things right, at least with my brother and me. My sister, who was 10 when my father died, didn't have the same personality. SHe was an extrovert and wasn't motivated to do well in school internally. I think my mom didn;t know what to do with her since two kids had come out well. I have a youngest similar to her and I am trying things differently, including homeschooling which is keeping her from bad influences. The motivation of her is hard and I am still working on that.

[myfunnybunch]

... my parents reading to us at all or reading themselves for that matter. I remember asking for books and being told that we didn't have money for "things" like that. I remember asking to go to the library, but my mother just considered it a waste of gas and time.

 

My daughter owns tons of books and I take her to the library at least once a week. I read voraciously now. I guess I learned from my parent's example ... how NOT to do it.

 

My mother had NO books at home either. She got caught "stealing" books from her first grade classroom. She'd take them home, read them and return them. When she got caught she burst into tears and told her teacher she didn't have any books at home. Until she was an adult, she never made a connection between that and her mother taking her the next week to get a library card and letting her ride her bike to the library.

 

So when I was growing up, we practically lived at the library. My mom was hardly ever without a book in her hand and made sure we always had books to read.

 

Cat

[Charles Wallace]

I knew that I was absolutely expected to get good grades. I knew my mother would help me with my homework or proofread any time I asked. My mother was a room parent for one of us every year in elementary and worked at the junior high school while I was there, so she saw my teachers daily, but by high school I was on my own.

 

Other than that, they were not involved at all. They didn't ask questions, talk to my teachers, check to see if I'd done my homework, look at any of my schoolwork. They just expected me to take care of things. All in all, I believe that their expectation that I be responsible for myself made me take responsiblity for myself, because I was that kind of kid.

 

 

 

 

 

This was very similar to my upbringing, but I wish it had not been. They also had some very clear gender stereotypes that dominated their thinking, so (for example), it was held to be understandable that I fail certain classes or not particularly encouraged to do well in others -- the expectation was there that it wasn't that important if I did poorly in them.

Edited April 11, 2010 by Charles Wallace

[Ester Maria]

Regarding my education, my parents took it extremely seriously.

Regarding my formal schooling, not as much in the lower grades, but the importance attributed to it became greater in the upper grades and before university.

 

They were the kind of people that mostly taught by example and lifestyle. We had tons of books in our house. Those books were everywhere. And constantly being read. I grew up constantly seeing my parents reading - silently, one to another, to me.

Next thing, they took "cultural education" extremely seriously. I started attending theatres, operas, classical music concerts and galleries before I started my formal schooling, and they insisted that I continue throughout my entire education. "What do you mean, you haven't been to theatre or opera in two months?! In two entire months you couldn't dedicate a single evening, Ester, a single evening of your free time to your informal education and to being in touch with trends on the cultural scene, to attend a single production?" - I grew up hearing those all. the. time. There were also periods in which I basically had a night a week reserved for such activities, to please my parents. Today I'm grateful to them for that. :D

 

The third thing, they always addressed me as an adult and politics, news, cultural events, everything was discussed with me from an early age - I was in touch and we generally talked a lot. Throughout those talks I received a lot of informal education.

And the final, possibly even crucial thing, my parents were willing to financially support nearly all of my "educational" fits. That included providing for my books, travels (I travelled a lot, both with and without them), courses I was interested in and so on, as well as connecting me to the people that might be of help when it comes to my interests.

 

So, while my parents were not exactly bothered by my schooling - I don't really recall them caring especially whether I wrote my homework or no, and such - they profoundly cared about my informal education. Regarding the formal one, they just made sure I attended the best possible school, and they let it do its job, they didn't really intervene a lot (hardly at all) in my schoolwork or school life.

[lulubelle]

My dh's parents were school teachers and eventually both became guidance counselors, one in high school the other in elementary. They took no interest in their son's education. He could have gone to the dad's better school that he worked at, but they didn't bother. The school he did go to was dismal. His honor's english class read cliff notes or nothing at all! This is back woods Maine! He was starving for more - he is a very brite guy. My parents moved to a good school system and left to them. I can't remember any teacher that inspired me.

[6packofun]

My parents expected me to do very well, all the time, but only gave me any attention about school when I didn't do as well. I think that by the time I hit 12--right around the time they decided to divorce, what do ya know--I was on my own. I needed to figure it all out, they didn't have time to help and on the rare occasion that I did ask for some assistance, they immediately assumed something was *wrong* or that I was having trouble in general! They were frustrating parents to have. LOL I was gifted in some areas but definitely NOT in others and they didn't really know me in the way that I know my kids! That's one thing I love about homeschooling. My parents weren't involved in any of the educational choices I made.

 

I will never ship my kids off to college just assuming that they won't need any more guidance in becoming adults and navigating school, finances and life. :) I wish my parents had been a better resource for preparing for college. I know that many students do it all on their own and are fine figuring it out without mom or dad, but I could have used some help in the self-confidence department and as an introvert, going to a big state school was kind of scary! (Exciting, too, of course!)

[cathmom]

My frist memories of my mother, and of childhood are of her reading to me, and playing the Naptime Rhyming Game, as we called it.

 

 

What's the game, please?

[mcconnellboys]

My parents were like this, also. In fact, when I got a good score on my first ACT test (my school didn't even do the PSAT testing as sophomores), my counselor said that it might be a mistake, so I shouldn't take it again as I might not get as good a score the second time......It was assumed I was going to the same state university where my mother attended. No other schools were looked at, offered, etc. No scholarships were looked at - nada. I could have gone to a good school - and on scholarship - sigh..........

[LibraryLover]

What's the game, please?

 

 

LOL Just one she made up when I was tiny. She said I was using several words by 8 mos, loved long books, and was very interesting. ;) lol As I got older, we would snuggle up in her bed, and rhyme words until I drifted off to sleep for a nap. That's it, that's the game. We'd snuggle and take turns saying a word, and then we'd take turns. "Catbathatthatmatflat. Bedheadreadsaiddread:" etc etc. I was really little, and I loved it. She would also read me poetry, and we'd recite them together; many I still remember and can offer for darn near any reason. lol She did it all without a curriculm or anyone telling her what to do. lol She was so young. Probably not even 21 when it first began.

 

I still smile inside when I think "Orangeporange" and her saying "Porange rhymes, but it's not a word". But she always offerred Orange and I always replied Porange. :)

 

Just mommy and toddler playing together.

Edited April 12, 2010 by LibraryLover