s/o tv in kids rooms - what about video games?

[MSNative]

I thought the thread on tvs was interesting. What are your thoughts on video games? Do you let your kids play them? Do you own them? Are they in the kids' rooms?

 

We don't own any gaming systems - not even the Wii, though my children think that must be some sort of cruel torture. Dh and I feel pretty strongly about it. However, I've noticed when we get together with kids who do own video game systems, my kids are desperate to play them. I have to be very strict about setting a short time limit and then kicking them off. I've often wondered if it's a forbidden fruit type thing.

 

ETA - Just read another thread that mentioned kids getting bad attitudes when they play video games/electronics. So, adding on, does this happen to your kids? I'll answer with a resounding yes! But my friend's son can play and never gives 'tude. Hmmmm

Edited April 5, 2010 by MSNative

[hsmamainva]

We own several video game systems -- a Wii, an X-Box 360, and a Playstation 2. They're all in the basement...hooked up to a TV that's only used for video games.

 

My boys LOVE video games, but they're only allowed to play them after dinner, so it doesn't interfere with schoolwork during the day.

[MomtoCandJ]

we have a baby v-smile and that is it, dd doesn't even like it.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

We have two systems that we rotate depending upon which game we want to play. I wouldn't like a game system in the bedroom. I think it would invite too much alone time.

[aggieamy]

We have a Wii and DH is the only one that plays it. The girls like to watch him play occasionally but don't have much interest in it other than that. I think DH will play for maybe 2 hours a week.

[Danestress]

I have one son who definitely wanted to play video games at his friends' houses (Which really, was fine with me if they were appropriate) and two who are very resentful when their friends want to play video games because they would rather play outside. My oldest was delighted to go off to college and buy the gaming systems he wanted. He is a responsible user now, as an adult:)

 

My 12 year old boys will play with his Wii when he's home visiting and he sets it up, and they will play at friends' houses here and there, but for the most part, they find it pretty amazing that any boy would rather play video games then play football. They avoid friends who are really into gaming because they just aren't that interested.

 

So I guess I have one son who might have been a victim of "forbidden fruit" syndrome and two who don't seem to be so far. They do have little hand held DS games, but they only really use them when they have a car trip.

[Lolly]

Wii and Xbox. Xbox is in ds13's bedroom. I take the controller at night so that he doesn't play all night. (Which he would do!) I have found that his xbox is the best way to keep the boy under control and doing what he should do. My girls are not interested in gaming at all.

[elegantlion]

Ds has game systems, tv, and computer in his room. He rarely plays games anymore, only uses the TV for gaming, and prefers his computer.

 

When he was younger he would limit himself on gaming time. A new game would get played more often, then the thrill would wear off quickly. We've never dealt with the poor attitude from overplaying.

[Kfamily]

Each girl has a DS Lite but other than that we do not have any game sytems. We don't even have Wii.:001_smile:(Did I spell it correctly?) My sister and brother both have it and one of them brings it when we get together for holidays, etc. (only a couple of times a year) and my older dd's best friend has it too. So they have played it(Wii) before...we are just not interested in providing it for them yet.

[kewb]

We have a Wii and I made my kids save their money and pay for it if they wanted it so badly. I am strict about it. Stricter then dh would be. Beautiful sunny day-get your behind outside and don't ask to play it until after dinner. During the week-very limited play. I am less strict on the week-end.

 

Yes, there are definite changes in their behavior if they have unlimited access. My dd can take it or leave it ny ds is obsessed with video games. If given a choice he will pick the video game the majority of the time.

 

The Wii is in the family room. Both kids have a DS that they can play in their rooms if they choose too.

[Pamela H in Texas]

We have video games. We've had several over the years.

 

We don't do any screens (tv, video games, computer, etc) in rooms until after graduation and if kiddo buys their own. My daughter has mentioned putting a tv in her room but it hasn't happened. She usually uses her laptop in the livingroom.

[JulieJ]

We have a PS2, PS3 and both of my boys have a computer and a ds lite.

They have the PS3 in their room with a tv that is only for the game ( no cable or antenna). They both beg for the ds lites for years and now they that they have them they hardly touch them. They play them usually just on long trips in the car.

[abbeyej]

We have *everything* games-wise, lol, but my kids have very limited screen time. If they begin to have bad attitudes (even just mild whininess when we say, "Time to turn that off"), they can lose *all* screen time for rather a long time.

 

This works for us.

 

I certainly think some kids are more prone to screen-addictions (tv, games, whatever) than others. While my kids enjoy playing games, they don't seem to have any addiction tendencies. Whether that's because they've always had a balance between *some* play, but strong limits, or simply because of personality, I couldn't say.

[Ravin]

We have an XBox 360 in the house, DD is only allowed to play on it when her stepbrothers are here. When they came for Spring Break, SIL brought her WII with her and DSS's brought their controllers so we had 4, and all 4 kids (DSS's, DD, and SIL's son) would play together (with SIL, DW#2, and I sometimes taking turns joining in).

 

DD knows it would get even more restriction than TV if we had a game system--I think they can be fun to play together, but I'm not a big fan of solo play hogging the TV. That's what computer games are for.:tongue_smilie:

[HRAAB]

We never had any for all these years until last Christmas - my dd and her new dh bought a PS for my younger three. After all those years of bragging about never giving into video games, it's not been that big of a deal. They don't play them constantly. Days will go by, and they don't even touch it. Only once, shortly after they received it, did I tell them 'enough'. They've had fun, and... I've had fun. :blush: All games have to be approved by me or dh. So far, it's all been good and fun.

[Heather in Neverland]

We have a Wii, both boys have a DS, they both play on the computer and my oldest wants an xbox for his birthday. They tend to limit themselves without me stepping in. Both of my boys have learned tons from playing educational games, have had a blast together playing non-educational games and now my oldest is creating his own videogames using gamemaker software on his computer.

 

We are in the technology age and we make good use of it. I know people who think it is somehow more "virtuous" if all their children's toys are made of wood. I guess if that makes them happy then fine. But I heard a conference speaker once say something that has always stuck with me....

 

It was an educational conference. The room was filled with hundreds of teachers and principals. He asked us to raise our hand if we had ever played a board game with a child and "let" them win. Almost every hand went up.

 

Then he asked "How many of you have ever played a videogame with a child and had to let them win."

 

No one's hand went up.

 

That was a pivotal moment for me. For better or for worse, this IS the technology age and right then I decided to stop fighting it and start making it work FOR me and my kids. ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

No video games for us. So no video games in the bedrooms, obviously. Computer use is hard enough for me to regulate. The kids do have computers in the bedrooms but they need to ask for permission to use them. If they abused the trust we have in them and used them at night, for example, the computers would not be in their rooms any longer (or at least would be password locked with a password known only to me and dh). That's just because we want balance in our kids lives and good sleep habits.

[Sasharowan]

We have several systems, but none of the newest yet. Xbox and gamecube are the newest we have. They stay in the living room where we have a tv dedicated to games. They also each have a DS (except ds4 who is stuck with a handmedown gameboy advance). The ds is the only game played in the bedrooms. They can get obssesive about games, but that is usually right after Christmas or birthdays when they get a new game and want to beat it. We usually spend the week after Christmas doing round the clock gaming, that way when we start back after New Year, they are ready for something else. If attitudes start, we do no screens for a while. That is usually enough to straighten them out. We also take time to notice how this element of the game came from this mythology or that one stems from that piece of history, it gets interesting. We have had long conversations about motives of game characters and how stuff would work in the real world.

[Chris in VA]

I've got two that would play all day if allowed. We have a wii.

I've got one who self-limits.

We like some wii for fun, but we most enjoy playing it together--the interactive games, not the one player things (and not the online, interact with strangers type either).

 

I think video gaming can be misused, like anything, but it is also really fun. It's pretty easy to tell when it crosses the line--if it's all they want to do, if they talk nonstop about it, if they can't focus on anything else, or if they lip you when you set limits, it is time to help them break the habit, which can become an addiction. Not a lot is as exciting, or as immediately gratifying--so I just try to be careful and wise in allowing play with it.

[LibraryLover]

We bought an Xbox two Christmasses ago and the whole Guitar Hero everything. We've aquired other games since then as well. Personally, I love the skateboard ones--Tony Hawks? That game stuff is in the gloriously ungorgeous basement with our small TV screen (compared to other people in our hs group). The kids have DSLs and GameBoys. I've never noticed an issue with over-use. I've never had to take them away etc. They do play the hand held games in their rooms and they can use them to play together. I don't care where they play those. We have two computers in common areas. I am on the laptop in the kitchen currently, and the desk top is not being used at the moment.

 

My kids would probably be embarassed about my lack of knowledge regarding gaming and terminology. ;) I know my oldest ds has played some pretty horrible games at college (he's mentiond some that I know to be hideous)...but I don't see anything violent/negative in him, so it's not on my radar of worry whatsoever.

Edited April 6, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Crissy]

We have *everything* games-wise, lol, but my kids have very limited screen time. If they begin to have bad attitudes (even just mild whininess when we say, "Time to turn that off"), they can lose *all* screen time for rather a long time.

 

I always start to worry that I really don't belong here when these threads begin. Then you post your very reasonable rules and expectations regarding all those game systems and I feel so much better. :D

 

 

We do have a number of game systems, but our boys have limited screen time (weekends only, and no more than 2 accumulated hours a day), and they must shut down their game when we call them for something else.

As in any other situation, *attitude* will result in the loss of games, privileges, etc.

[Night Elf]

I thought the thread on tvs was interesting. What are your thoughts on video games? Do you let your kids play them? Do you own them? Are they in the kids' rooms?

 

I love video games. I was gaming before I had children, and I was the one who introduced the games to my children. My daughters each have a Nintendo DS but they spend more time on their cell phones and itouch. My ds13 has 4 game systems in his room: Xbox 360, Playstation 2, Playstation 3, and a Nintendo Gamecube. He plans to be a video game designer. He has already looked into The Art Institute of Atlanta. :)

 

All 3 of my children have their own computer as well.

 

ETA - Just read another thread that mentioned kids getting bad attitudes when they play video games/electronics. So, adding on, does this happen to your kids? I'll answer with a resounding yes! But my friend's son can play and never gives 'tude. Hmmmm

 

I don't recall having a bad attitude from video games when I was younger, and I certainly don't have one now. I have never experienced a bad attitude from my children before, during, or after playing video games. Then again, I have never had limits on how long to play or what to play, and neither do my children. We self-regulate because we've never known anything else. In our home, a video game is neither less important nor more important than any other activity.

 

Though maybe I shouldn't be contributing to the thread since my board name reflects my love of World of Warcraft. :tongue_smilie:

[chadzwife]

I wouldnt have any kind of screen in my kids' rooms either. When my 3 olders were younger i got them ONE gameboy (i am dating myself here lol) and they could play it for one week. Then it went away to be used for vacations only. We have family down south and travelled to conferences and such, also, probably 6 times a yr. They would have to share it on those trips also. I was EXTREMELY picky as to games. Did you know u can get the Bible for gameboy and bibleman-type games? :0

i was extremely picky about pc games they got too...all edutainment type. no kill em/shoot em or steal this or that/drive illegally type games.

they didnt have a phone in their rooms, my littles now are not having a cell ph when theyre 10, or 14 for that matter, either...

the way i looked at it is this. once the candy is there, all taste for veggies goes out the window. my kids learned how to PLAY and explore, develop talents and skills and WORK. kids were always at my house, cuz there was so much to DO. they loved to come WORK even....ever sorted grain? its tedious and was not my kids' fav job. the neighbors who went to bed when they wanted at nite, ate what they wanted at every meal and could have played Wii 24/7--would come over to help. it always made me laugh.

i think personally that the need for a game system, including one on a pc means the kid doesnt have enough physical work to do. leisure time should be a rare part of the day. when one of my kids ever says im bored in my earshot, they get more work given to them. if theyre just hanging around for hours on end in their room, looking in the mirror, staring at the ceiling, doign laps around the dining room table or even reading excessively (it IS possible lol)--i'll kick their butts outside and tell them to find SOMEthing to DO! if its really cold, i'll let them back in 15 min or so if they want it but generally they would find something to do once they had to, u know? "oh, maybe its not as boring as i thot to dig or build or ride my bike or shoot hoops or fix my broken toy"

i shudder to think of all the missed HOURS daily american parents dont even realize, that could be used to develop a life skill or even just life-physical activity (crosscountry skiiing, tennis, swimming, weight lifting, running). if ur daughter could do calligraphy well when she was older, she could have a nice little lucrative business. if ur son could carve figures or on furniture in an excellent way, he would be highly sought after as an adult. or change the genders lol. besides all the other life skills---car repair, house repair, sewing, cooking well, teaching children, etc--that ppl just cant DO anymore.

these hours and hours needed to develop as a person shouldnt be spent isolated, hooked to a screen of some sort. even online, as adults, in role playing games or watever, its not REAL life!! ive always said to my kids when theyd whine about wanting to watch a movie (we rarely had tv hook up, just the vcr) that how often do u watch tv about someone *watching tv*?? no, tv is about ppl LIVING their life. there's no movie about watch a group of ppl play xbox for 3 hours. no, its watch a group of ppl skateboard across roofs in japan--now thats crazy but at least they're living life!

--the rambling is over :)

[chadzwife]

I do have to say, i find it interesting -- the post from night elf.

my present husband is an absolute vidiot--video idiot. ANY screen of any kind, and he's on it. dvd, pc game, game system. he has no self-control. he's literally been known to game for 6 hrs at a time -on a regulr basis- for months on end. his total game time in a day can be 12 hrs easily. if he's employed its "just" the 6 hrs.

if he doesnt have a way to game, he watches or is trying to get to watch tv/movies...constant. i mean, maybe he has to work some hrs that day, or friends come over for 45 min to talk, or its time for the once a week story he'll read to the kids, but ASAP he's on a screen.

he's always been allowed his whole life to self-regulate. he never has chosen to. if he can, he will choose to sit like a bump on log in front of a screen. im talking one time i was late to my midwife's appt becuz he would not stop playing his game! (I couldnt drive the car as it was a stick and i cant drive a stick) he's missed church or important church activities occasionally becuz he wouldnt get off the game. we dont miss church or church activities lol.

when we moved last time, i said no game systems or tv in the house now. long story why i said that finally and why he agreed but i did and he did. we still dont have tv hook up but he now streams movies and shows online and watches them on the pc monitor. <sigh> and has several pc games and plays farmville <siiiiiigh>.

he plugs the little girls in the tv/dvr anytime im gone so they leave him alone. im fighting this battle in them already. he even knows he has a problem and still does it to them! incredible.

glad to see self-regulation works at ur house, night elf. but there are some ADULTS who cant even self-regulate. :(

[MariannNOVA]

I haven't read all of the other responses.

 

No Wii (sp?) here -- I understand from my children that we are the only family on the planet who doesn't have Wii -- to which my response is, 'And you are still alive and breathing. Amazing.'

 

PSII was packed away months away -- ds9.5 would stay up and play all night, sleep a few hours, and begin to play again if he were allowed. So, it had to go.

 

DS (everyone got one for Christmas) -- good for car trips -- if I don't mention it, they don't really go looking for them. The girls are not bad with them -- ds just 'locks in' and can play for hours if allowed.

 

TV - no -- had it for four months in the hotel, could not wait to move home and not get it connected -- it's been almost two months without it and I only have positives to say about not having it. We do read alouds at night, we do netflix and red box (I select the movies) and except for the occasional whining that we are the only family in the world without TV (and Wii :glare:), it has not been a problem and has actually been a big positive.

 

My son's attitude is definitely affected by playing electronic games. He will become moody, nasty, rude, physically aggressive - so that is why the games have gone away. And, he has not ever played anything other than g-rated games.

 

We get better results with them playing outside - and they love to do that - they will get a game of 'black ships before troy' going - strategy, moving stuff from one end of the yard to another, pretend cooking, star wars, you name it - they do not lack imagination.

 

I WISH I could get some peace from ds sometimes by sitting him in front of a game (which was how we came to own PSII) but the clear connection between the gaming and his behavior cannot be ignored.

[secular_mom]

I thought the thread on tvs was interesting. What are your thoughts on video games?

They are modern games, not really any different than board games- still requires strategy, math, reading, etc. They are usually more fun, 4 people can play at once without having to wait for their turn with some games. They are fun to watch if the game is a one person game.

 

I don't see any problem with them. I don't 'get' why so many people seem to feel superior to others by constantly touting 'MY children have NEVER played a video game and WE don't even OWN a TV'. I'm NOT saying that everyone who chooses not to have these items is that way, but that attitude comes across more often than not IRL situations, IME anyway.

 

Do you let your kids play them?

 

Yes, and I do not limit their play time. They self regulate very well. Their interest in the games waxes and wanes, as does their interest in most things.

 

Do you own them?

 

Yes, we have PS2's, PS3's, PSP's, Gameboys, one Nintendo DS, one Wii, an original Nintendo, and a Nintendo 64.

 

 

 

Are they in the kids' rooms?

Yes.

 

 

 

ETA - Just read another thread that mentioned kids getting bad attitudes when they play video games/electronics. So, adding on, does this happen to your kids? I'll answer with a resounding yes! But my friend's son can play and never gives 'tude. Hmmmm

 

No, it does not happen now. At first, when I struggled with trying to do things 'the right way' (in other words, in accordance with Other People's Opinions) and limit their time with them they'd be angry and grumpy about the limits and thus have 'attitudes'. But, when I realized that DS is most likely going to work with electronics in some fashion, and has ALWAYS been drawn to things with buttons, dials, gauges, sounds, lights, etc. and that this is who he is, I stopped the limits. He was thrilled to just be able to 'finish' an episode of playing without being told it's time to stop. The bad attitude vanished. He was a little game greedy at first, but there's just so much fun stuff to do in the world and he is nowhere near plugged in 24/7.

 

Respecting his 'calling', his interest and learning style has helped him blossom. I do not regret removing the video game limits.

I no longer listen to what others think is 'best' or even 'appropriate', I trust my gut now and things seem to work much better for us this way.

 

I don't think that everyone should do things our way, but it would be nice if when people who poo-poo media in general visit with us, they wouldn't have a nasty attitude with my son when he tells his friend about the new game he just won. It seems like 'no media' is up on an enormous pedestal for some, just as having ALL the latest games as soon as they are released is for others.

 

I hope I haven't offended anyone, as that is not my intent. This is JMHO. :)

[Mary in GA]

Hi. I have only skimmed the replies here, so I am sorry if I have repeated someone else's view. This is a topic I feel strongly about.

 

No screens in kids' or adult rooms either: bad feng shui. It is common sense--that kind of stimuli does not belong in a place where some one is trying to rest. Ds nearly 20, cs major at an excellent university, never had a screen and/or game console of any kind in his bedroom. He has an excellent co-op job in cs, and lack of a screens in sleeping quarters has never stifled his creativity. He is really good at what he does, and he recognizes the value of not having a "screen" in one's sleeping/studying/reading space!

 

Mary

[RoughCollie]

My kids play video games. The t.v., Wii and PS3 are in the basement. DD plays DDR, the boys play everything else.

[Night Elf]

glad to see self-regulation works at ur house, night elf. but there are some ADULTS who cant even self-regulate. :(

 

Well, thank you for running over my butt with your very strong opinions. I am extremely happy with the technology in our lives. It provides a heck of living for our family. :)

 

I'd like to suggest you read the board rules, just in case you haven't. The first two are about being humble and civil.

 

As for your comment above, I know you're right. However, I have a very strong opinion about why those things happen, which is one of the reasons I've developed the parenting style I have. Since there are so many different parenting styles represented on these boards, I wouldn't presume to bash a style other than my own for fear of hurting someone's feelings. What works in one family, might be a disaster in another. I've had no disasters yet, thank goodness.

 

Welcome to the boards.

[Crissy]

No screens in kids' or adult rooms either: bad feng shui. It is common sense--that kind of stimuli does not belong in a place where some one is trying to rest.

Mary

 

I honestly don't understand this point of view when it comes to adults and their choices.

I have a television in my room, but when I want to rest, the tv is off. When I am reading (which is most nights) the tv is off. If I am watching a History Channel show when my husband comes to bed, it takes very little effort to push the "off" button on the remote and focus my attention on him.

 

There are times that my bedroom is not about rest or intimacy.

This afternoon it was a space for folding laundry. Yesterday evening it was a space where all my boys and I cuddled up to watch The Princess Bride together.

Having a television in a bedroom does not prohibit an adult from making wise lifestyle choices or practicing what some refer to as common sense.

[Heather in Neverland]

I am extremely happy with the technology in our lives.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I honestly don't understand this point of view when it comes to adults and their choices.

I have a television in my room, but when I want to rest, the tv is off. When I am reading (which is most nights) the tv is off. If I am watching a History Channel show when my husband comes to bed, it takes very little effort to push the "off" button on the remote and focus my attention on him.

 

There are times that my bedroom is not about rest or intimacy.

This afternoon it was a space for folding laundry. Yesterday evening it was a space where all my boys and I cuddled up to watch The Princess Bride together.

Having a television in a bedroom does not prohibit an adult from making wise lifestyle choices or practicing what some refer to as common sense.

 

:iagree: and :lol: My bedroom is used for so many things that are anything but restful...like wrestling with the kids...watching movies cuddled together... today my 6yo was painting in there. It's more of a multi-purpose room! :D

[secular_mom]

glad to see self-regulation works at ur house, night elf. but there are some ADULTS who cant even self-regulate. :(

This is so sad. It sounds like your husband has an addiction problem, some people are just more prone to becoming addicted to substances and/or activities than others. Sounds like he may be depressed too, if that's ALL he wants to do. I'd encourage him to get some counseling or at least talk to a Dr. about this.

[MariannNOVA]

What works in one family, might be a disaster in another.

 

:iagree: and something I, for one, am aware of as regards my family. The parameters we have in place for our family are for 'our' family - they were not arrived at arbitrarily (and I am not suggesting that anyone has said that they were) -- they were arrived at in response to specific situations that we have with our children. As I read the responses of others, I think that they have also arrived at their decisions based on what is best for 'their' family. It would be wrong for me deride the decisions of another because we have adopted a different policy in our home.

 

I think that Night Elf summed it up eloquently in her quote above.

[Rhonda in TX]

We have a Wii, but no video games in bedrooms, other than their Nintendo DS occasionally. Yes, I notice a bad attitude after too much time spent on the Wii. For this reason, we limit time with video games.

 

The kids have some friends that have no video games of any sort. They play when they come to our house, but not too much. They still enjoy doing other things, even with the games available. When we go to their house, my kids don't miss the video games and have a lot of fun there. Their mom and I have talked about how it's a "win-win" situation.