S/O Are college dorms detrimental? What are the alternatives?

[LBC]

I was reading the thread about homeschooling being detrimental to emotional development, and some commented on the dark side of dorm life:

 

The funny thing about this post is the comment about the college dorms. We will never try a college dorm again, because the public school kids who make up the majority of the dorm make it impossible to study because of the drugs and co-habitation going on. The dorm is not a dorm but a free for all party.

 

Linda

 

Actually, my one that had the most problems was transferring after getting here associates degree, so she was a junior. The roommate who gave her the most problems was a 27yo sophmore. It was a nightmare. We moved my daughter out of the dorm within 2 weeks and got a full refund on the semester.

 

Never again will I attempt a dorm. Drugs, s*x, and total party land. And no help from the campus. We actually had to bring in the actual police. I even had one attacked with a knife from a fellow dormmate on drugs. I don't consider this a way to "socialize" my kids.

 

:iagree: 100% A college dorm now a days is just plain no place for a self respecting young adult with any morals what so ever. If they have to live away from home, get them an appartment. Most dorms are collections of pure debauchery.

 

My oldest is 16. Her preferred university is in another city. We have a university in our city, but it doesn't offer the program dd wants. She is looking forward to being in a dorm, and being a part of campus life. Now I'm wondering if I should start preparing her to be open to the idea of living off campus. Has anybody had a positive dorm experience?:confused:

 

Lori

ETA: She still has a couple of years before she leaves for university. She'll be 18 when she goes.

Edited December 25, 2009 by LBC

[Sara R]

FYI, a similar topic was discussed recently on the college board: here and here.

 

I went to BYU, where this happily isn't a problem. My kids aren't near college age so that's all I have to add on this subject. :)

[Lolly]

I did. I was in the greatest dorm. It was also the one that no one wanted to be in. Of course, this was back in the day of all one sex dorms. We had community bathrooms/showers. Almost all of us were freshmen. Most had chosen a college where they didn't really know anyone else there. My floor was absolutely wonderful. Most of us were of about the same income level/background. Very few were sorority rushees. (Those left very quickly.) We all hung out together on the floor, went out together at night, studied together, and even smuggled a kitten onto the floor to live. That last one got us into trouble~ But they had a lot of trouble figuring out where the kitten was because it was constantly in different rooms. We did get a little wild, but nothing horrid. Boys were on the floor occasionally, but not all that much. To my knowledge, one never stayed over night. There was some s*x going on. Face it, when you are talking about a group of kids that age that is going to be happening with the majority of them. Doesn't really matter where they live. It was plenty quiet enough to study most of the time. I wonder if the raised drinking age might have something to do with more partying going on in the dorms being reported? We always went out to party. Now, most college kids aren't of legal age. Perhaps that has driven it more underground?

[JoyfulMama]

I chose a restricted visitation dorm for a reason. I didn't want to be kicked out of my room by my roommate and their visitors. But we still sat down and made ground rules. (And I had to revisit those, when she had a very late night visitor one night.)

There will be partying. There will be sex. But there will also be an alternative scene. If a student wants an alternative scene, they will find it.

All college students are not your stereotypical college student. But they do all want to have fun and make friends. That can look like many different things.

[Tam101]

My daughter had a positive dorm life!!! I'm not going to pretend that the drugs, sex and alcohol were non-existent, but she didn't have problems. It helped that she is an athlete and her team is very close and the girls roomed together in the dorm. (yes, I know athletes aren't perfect ;) ) Also, It depends greatly on the school! You can Google a list of the most notorious party schools.

 

My daughter said you learn quickly to study and sleep through the noise. A good roommate is a blessing!! My dd and her rm were very compatible. They were known as the room that always had musical's playing on the DVD player and both liked go to bed early.

 

Keep in mind that, for all schools that have dorms, living off campus her freshman year won't be possible unless you have relatives near by. Freshman are required to stay in the dorm unless they are still living at home and the parent has to sign something that states that.

 

It's super hard letting them go off to school, but it is good for them! My dd told us her Senior year that she was "unusually close to her family" and even though it was going to be hard she felt like she needed to go away. The first two weeks were really hard on her! She has told us now that she wanted to call so many times say she was coming home, but she didn't. --btw, don't let them, tell them to stick it out until Christmas!-- By the end of Christmas break she couldn't wait to get back to school and her new friends. That was harder on me then the first time she left!!

 

My dd is sophomore this year and living off campus with 3 other girls. If you have any other questions feel free to pm me.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

My son had a fairly decent dorm experience. When he filled out the room preference card, he went as conservative on the answers as possible. He got a great roommate and the quietest dorm on campus. In fact, one of the kids in his dorm was complaining about the lack of partying in that dorm, lol.

[Crimson Wife]

Some colleges have "substance free" dorms. That doesn't help with the s*x issue, but if that's behind closed doors that's less of a problem for me.

[LBC]

FYI, a similar topic was discussed recently on the college board: here and here.

 

I went to BYU, where this happily isn't a problem. My kids aren't near college age so that's all I have to add on this subject. :)

 

Thanks for the links. Interesting reading.

Dd's (hopefully) future school seems to have only co-ed dorms, but there are private rooms available, and bathrooms are separate for men and women. I believe first year students are required to live on campus.

 

Lori

[OhM]

I lived in the honors dorm, on a girls-only floor. My roommates were great; we had respect for each other, for the most part, and kept the guys out. It helped that one of the 4 was a friend from high school.

 

I agree, dorm life can be pretty horrible - we were lucky - our set-up was 4 to a suite, sharing a bedroom, study room, and bathroom. But other dorms had 16 to a "suite" with a common room and bath and separate bed/study rooms - they could get pretty crazy, and often times there were strangers who may or may not be friends with one of the other 15. I know of one girl who was attacked in that situation.

[EKS]

I had an extremely positive dorm experience. They were overcrowded my freshman year so they ended up putting me in what was a lounge with two other young women. The three of us became best friends that year and ended up living together all four years of college and have been close ever since. I'm not sure if the dorm experience would have been as positive if I hadn't had such wonderful roommates.

 

On the negative side (though I didn't think it was negative at the time), I got essentially no studying done in the dorm and almost flunked out of school. We did *a lot* of drugs because they were more easily available than alcohol to underage folks and I also had several s@xual partners that year. Those behaviors slowed considerably when we moved off campus the next year and I ended up doing quite well in school eventually, though I was on academic probation all the way until my last semester.

 

I'm not sure if it was the dorm experience that intensified the "bad" behavior or if it was just immaturity coupled with freedom at last. I look back fondly at that year and am glad for all of the experiences I had, though I'm guessing that I'm pretty lucky to have made it through unscathed.

[Dobela]

The dorm situation varies widely from school to school and even floor to floor in the dorms. I loved it in the dorms, but I also went to a private Christian university. I still have wonderful friends from there. I left a couple of years later for a state university and was intimidated by the stories of the parties and such about state school sin general so I rented an apartment instead. Now, I regret it. I never made any long term friends at that school and I feel it is because I was not connected with the campus in any way other than the classes.

[stripe]

I think it varies. I know someone who enrolled in a very conservative religious college that turned out to have a very wild dorm life, to the point that this person was highly uncomfortable and left. Other people have very tame experiences with secular schools. Some people are itching to "be wild" now that Mom and Dad are not there watching; other people will behave no matter how much urgings they have to try new things. I think most people can use a little support, so I'd keep that in mind. Some people do better in an apartment with a known responsible roommate, or living with a relative.

[Sara R]

Depends on the highly conservative religious college. At the one I went to, any wild roommates could be reported and disciplined/kicked out of housing or the school. Luckily I never had any roommates whose behavior was very bad--maybe one technical violation one time, but nothing I would have considered reporting, and nothing near the "sexile" stories I read about at other colleges.

 

Sure, sex/alcohol/drugs can be found anywhere if one is determined. But no man is an island. Our peers and our environment affect us one way or another. If the people you live with see sex as no big deal, and you live with those people all day for 4 years, most people would not be able to stand firm against that. But if you live with people who believe that sex belongs only in marriage, there will be pressure in the other direction.

[Momling]

I would go with a 'specialty' dorm, if that's your concern... You know... all-women or all-freshman or substance-free or religious dorm would probably be more appropriate.

 

I went to college at 16 and was pretty unready for the experiences I came across. What about a home-stay type program? You know... renting a room in a house with a family? Or for a 16 yr old student, there are a few colleges that cater to younger students (Simon's Rock?) A single room might also be a good idea.

 

In the end though, you don't send your kids away to a college unless you know they have the skills and knowledge and strength to take on the challenge.

[katemary63]

I have two kids in college right now and one graduated 2 years ago. I am not exagerating. What you might think of as an unacceptable atmosphere in a college dorm is probably a best case scenerio. It IS SO BAD OUT THERE NOW DAYS. Some of the things my kids tell me have me in tears. ( No they don't live on campus, but they know what goes on.) I would NEVER let my kids live on campus again and honestly, they don't want to. This is a local university in AR, not a Christian school, however, my older two kids went to a public high school and a Christian high school and there wasn't that much difference in the morality of the kids, unfortunately. I can't imagine it is much better at the Christian colleges, although it may be in some places. My oldest DD went on a senior trip with some "Christian" girls from her Assemblies of God Christian high school. She called me from the hotel room in tears because she didn't know what to do. Every other girl was smoking pot and had boys they had just met in the room. All drank heavily. My poor DD just had to bide her time sitting on her bed reading books and trying to ignore what was going on. It was miserable. Those were the "Christian girls from her senior class. Anyway, if you think it is better at your school, or whatever, think again. Swearing, pot, drinking and sex with just about anybody is the NORM. It is not hidden. It is not underground. It is everywhere. Lots of kids have no problem having sex under the covers with other kids IN THE ROOM! Sorry to rant, but I am just so mad, because good kids are being robbed of some experiences they would like to have. Their only choice is to be exposed to this stuff and try to ignore it, but that is VERY , VERY hard now days because it is just so rampant and in your face. My DD18 has only 1 or 2 friends at college because her "Christian" friends from high school have all started swearing and drinking since they moved into the dorms. The F word is spoken by ALL in this school, even proffessors. This is my younger daughter, the other story was my older daughter, things have only gotten worse since then. Again, sorry to sound so negative, but that's what things are like in my area. I hope there are some places that a nice dorm experience is still possible.

[Amy loves Bud]

Has anybody had a positive dorm experience?:confused:

 

Lori

 

 

My dorm experience was very good. It was twenty-ahem years ago, so it may have changed dramatically, but my school had only single sex dorms at the time and it wasn't too terrible. Most dorms would get wild from time to time, but it certainly wasn't constant. And my school happened to be known for the largest per capita beer consumption in the U.S., so there was some partying going on.

 

The key is the roommate. If you can arrange a roommate with similar ideas about what dorm life will be like, then it will go much more smoothly. And even better if you can get suitemates with similar ideas. It may take a semester or two to find these folks, but when you do, life is good.

 

And your daughter should expect sex to be happening, in dorms or apartments or sorority houses or wherever. These are young adults here. The sex, it is happening. ;)

[newbie]

This scares me to death. My dd wants live on campus, but now I am thinking of moving to where her school is.

 

Does this same thing happen in all womens colleges?

[G5052]

I ended up being the head dorm assistant at the state college I graduated from, and anything that could go on, went on. They had an "academic dorm" where you had to have a 3.0 or above and no alcohol/drugs, and I had to take the dorm assistant there to the ER one night because a drunk resident beat him up after he called security.

 

Before I went there, I went to a Christian college with single sex dorms, and that was better, although there were pockets of people who misbehaved, but it was at least quiet after 11pm.

 

Frankly we're hoping that our children will either commute or do distance learning, but we'll see.

[Mommyof4ks]

Ooops double post.

[Mommyof4ks]

I had a good dorm experience. My college had girl dorms and boy dorms, and at no time was there to be someone of the opposite s*x in the other dorm rooms. The dorms are small, and the dorm parents keep a close eye on things. We had room check weekly, and that cut down on drug issues (I never heard of any, but then I did not ask too many questions lol). My roommate was very sweet, and we got along great. I think it depends on the school, the dorm, and each person's ability to avoid the negative stuff. The only thing that I could have done without was the cafeteria food. :001_smile:

[gsanmb]

There is only one school which I would consider letting my kids dorm (it is a private religious university whose men's and women's colleges are physically separated by half of Manhattan). Otherwise, they will either live at home or room with another Orthodox Jewish family.

 

I went to university at a liberal arts secular school. I got a great education, but even 23 years ago, dorm life was pretty wild...and my floor was all women. Now, as a university professor, I wouldn't even consider it for a moment.

 

Also, though, in our communities it is fairly common for young adults to get married (after set-up style dating) before, during, and just after university...so they either live in married housing or off campus.

[Carrie12345]

Just as most kids come out of public high school whole, most come out of college dorms without being scarred for life!

 

That said, I'm fairly certain we'll be trying to skip dorm life for (at least) ds#1. I really can't imagine him being able to handle that kind of setting. The combination of Asperger's and his personality... well, he'd be pretty miserable.

 

The rest of my kids? We'll see. I'd like to think they'll cope just fine.

[LMA]

An alternative in the Boston area is to find private same-sex residences near the college your child is attending. These are good for many women students do not want to live in coed dorms.

 

Here is an example. My friend used to run a woman's residence in Boston:http://www.bayridgeresidence.org/ . Meals can be included and you may get a private room.

 

Louise

[PeterPan]

I'd put her in with a family and not even consider a dorm. Not unless it's a small/private university with a closed campus or other restraints. I lived at a state college campus a few summers, and that was pretty tame, but it only took one visit to a state dorm during the school year to know it wasn't for me. The students were very upfront about guys in the girls dorm rooms overnight (when there were multiple girls to a room), drinking (on the supposedly "dry" campus), etc. It was just abominable. And although I visited the off-campus housing, it didn't look safe. If you go to church, can she find the church she plans to attend and locate a host family that way? That would be a much better way to bridge the next couple years.

[Allearia]

I wouldn't say my dorm experience was terrible or scarred me for life, but it wasn't pleasant. I was in a three person room and slept in the top bunk of a bunk bed. The roommate in the lower bunk often had guys sleeping over. This was on an all-girls floor, the rest of the dorm was co-ed though.

[tex-mex]

My first year as a freshman at a state college (40 miles away from my home), I lived with my grandma -- but she drove me nuts. I moved out my sophmore year to live with assigned roomates in an off campus apartment. Had a great time! (That was when I met my soon to be hubby...) Yes, there were situations where my roomates did questionable things -- but I had the good sense not to do the same nor associate with their partying ways. At the time, I was heavily involved in a college youth group at my church and with Campus Crusade for Christ.

 

I ended up transferring in my Junior year to a private Christian school that was 400 miles away from my family. Lived in a dorm with 3 other roomies and again had a wonderful experience! My Senior year, I was married and we were Resident Counselors of the Girl's Freshman Dorms for 2 years. Then we were RCs in a co-ed dorm for one year. I loved it. Again, there were parties on campus, crisis situations (i.e. suicide or anorexia), roomies who needed a 3rd party mediator, and so on. I was mature enough to understand even in a "bubble" of a Christian school -- you would have questionable situations that would test your faith. I found it strengthened mine and helped me discover I enjoyed helping counsel people.

 

I think it just depends on your child. It will be a growing experience. But if they tend to not be a follower -- then they will have a great time. If they are a personality that tends to follow mindlessly... then yes, it will be a difficult time with temptation. Not all dorms in colleges are horrible.

[tex-mex]

I think it varies. I know someone who enrolled in a very conservative religious college that turned out to have a very wild dorm life, to the point that this person was highly uncomfortable and left. Other people have very tame experiences with secular schools. Some people are itching to "be wild" now that Mom and Dad are not there watching; other people will behave no matter how much urgings they have to try new things. I think most people can use a little support, so I'd keep that in mind. Some people do better in an apartment with a known responsible roommate, or living with a relative.

 

Oh yes... often at our private Christian college, we found that it was the kids of Pastors or missionaries who TRULY went "wild" during their first year in college. They were "free" from controlling parents! Drinking, drugs, sex, and more. Often the real wild ones found the small Christian environment too stifling and transferred to a larger university. Those who stayed calmed down by their Junior year. Now, many years later I find those PK/MK students went back to their faith and are raising their kids righteously. It happens.

[Jeanne in MN]

Dorm life was half my awesome college experience! I was fortunate to have great roommates and the dorms were laid out in a way it was easy to meet people and socialize. I made some wonderful friends who I treasure today. I was a part of campus ministry, choir and things like that and met a lot of neat people through those things. I went to a St. Patrick's Day party once, but I was too cheap to blow money on the beer and it was the first time I ever smelled what I assume were drugs. Friday morning classes often had people "bragging" about getting so drunk the night before, but that's about the worst I experienced. There was a girl on our floor who had an abusive boyfriend, so we kept an eye out for her.

 

I'd seriously have to look into campus living these days, but if my kids could have the experiences I did I'd so want them to have that.

[asta]

I think we all need to separate what "our" experiences were twenty years ago with what is actually occurring on campuses today. It flat out isn't pretty.

 

If you can stand the shock (and I do mean SHOCK), and won't faint from graphic verbal content, check out the site "texts from last night". THAT is what is happening on our college campuses today.

 

Is it everyone? Of course not. Is katemary63 more "in line" with what is going on out there? Absolutely.

 

 

asta

[TravelingChris]

I completely agree that we shouldn't be thinking what we had twenty or thirty years ago is what is happening now. My son had no problems at his dorm in a conservative midwest college. They had strict rules and he ended up with a compatible roommate. Were there some people who misbehaved? Yes, but not as much as many places.

 

Here is what we are doing to help our next child. She will be getting a single room. She needs it for medical reasons but I am certain I will really try to do that with child #3 too even though she doesn't have any medical reasons. We are looking at certain types of colleges primarily. Ones with more conservative student body who actually studies. When I look at reviews of college where kids go out Friday or Saturday night but study on other nights, I know the problems will be more limited. Geeky places or places with very driven kids are less likely to have problems. Then when she gets there, she will connect up with a choir she joins and a Christian group that has plenty of alternate fun. An honors dorm, substance free dorm, or one with more international students is the kind of place she really would like.

 

In terms of youth groups and trips, that really depends on the groups and the areas. None of the youth groups my kids have ever associated with had any drinking, drug or sex problems going on in groups. I know this very well since I have to continually remind my kids to be less judgemental and they do tell me about bad behavior ad nauseum but forturnately it tends to be roughhousing leading to a broken door and such behavior.

[Rhonda in TX]

Dorms were single gender. Boys were only allowed in the lobby of the girl dorms. Girls were not allowed anywhere near the boy dorms.

 

This did not completely cut out trouble. Kids still got drunk. Girls still got pregnant. However, dorm life was safe and fun. I have only good memories. (well, other than the psycho roommate I had one semester :tongue_smilie: )

[Jeanne in MN]

Even though, I wrote about loving my experience, you are absolutely right. We can't compare today to that many years ago.

 

I think we all need to separate what "our" experiences were twenty years ago with what is actually occurring on campuses today. It flat out isn't pretty.

 

If you can stand the shock (and I do mean SHOCK), and won't faint from graphic verbal content, check out the site "texts from last night". THAT is what is happening on our college campuses today.

 

Is it everyone? Of course not. Is katemary63 more "in line" with what is going on out there? Absolutely.

 

 

asta

[lakotajm]

I think the underlying thread to this thread (if you'll pardon the pun) is that it is definitely a part of college life in general: partying and sex. It is part of the freedom of being so far away from Mom and Dad that they will never find out. This **** near killed me. I was quickly becoming an alcoholic before I ever left for college due, in part, to the boyfriend I had acquired that spring, and his crowd. I got so drunk one night, I passed out and had to be carried back to my dorm. My roommate had to help me on the pot and to shower. I puked and heaved all night. I had alcohol poisoning, and it's a miracle I survived. And i think this away from family-ness made it worse. They could tell I was in trouble-but how deep? How would they ever know about the missed classes and missed work study hours? Finally, I had my moment with God and came clean in more than one way. They came and got me from there at Christmas break and I never went that far from home again until I was mature enough to handle it.

So telling them to wait it out until Christmas break may not be the best advice if you are not 100% sure as to why she is miserable. It's not like it's Girl Scout Camp. By then she could be dead-seriously.

But then again, your kid may not be that wild. My Mom already knew I was a drinker. But I guess she hoped the best for the situation. It was an all girl dorm.

Lakota

[Truscifi]

I had a good dorm experience also. There were people doing drugs, having sex, drinking to excess, etc, and at times I was one of those people. But I got it out of my system in short order and went on to have a successful college career, went to graduate school, and had a career as a social worker until I quit to stay home with ds. It was good for me to have that freedom and go overboard a bit, because I knew what the results were and that they weren't for me - and I didn't make those mistakes as an adult when it could have had a much more serious impact on my life (like causing me to be fired from a job, or something similar).

 

Also I wound up making wonderful friends who I am still close with 10 years later.

[DawnM]

I think so much depends on the person. I went to a Christian college. We had "co-ed" dorms, but it was boys on one side and girls on the other. We could go on each others' floors until a certain time of the night. I know there was drinking and sex, but I wasn't involved in it.

 

OTOH, my husband went to a state school and lived in the dorms and never did anything involving alcohol or sex. He won't even touch a glass of wine....just doesn't care for the taste.

 

My Aspie son would not do well in a large dorm setting and would probably freak out.....he is nowhere near college age and there could be a lot more developmental growth between now and then than I think, but my guess is that he will live at home and attend a local 4 year school.

 

My middle son would thrive on the social aspect, but I might be concerned about him because he likes to be a follower.....again, a LOT of maturing could occur before then, but it is a personality thing too.

 

My youngest would probably survive no matter where you threw him....he is just that kind of personality.

 

I would love for my kids to all attend small private Christian colleges, but I doubt we can swing it financially.....

 

Dawn

[Crimson Wife]

Geeky places or places with very driven kids are less likely to have problems.

 

Not necessarily. I went to an Ivy caliber university full of Type A overachievers. There was also rampant binge drinking, drug use, and casual s*x. The pre-meds and engineering students were especially prone to heavy partying as a way to blow off steam after working hard M-Th. I fortunately did not do the latter two but did drink heavily (especially my freshman & sophomore years).

[JenneinCA]

I went to a geeky and very driven school. There was plenty of alcohol and other stuff on Friday night and Saturday all day and night. On Sunday people sobered up and on Monday people went to class and stayed sober until Friday evening when the whole thing repeated.

 

It was a work-hard/party-hard situation. While it was easy to be involved in the party scene, it was equally easy to not be involved in it. I wasn't interested, but I know people who were and many of them graduated with good grades and good jobs.

[OrganicAnn]

I went to a private school in the midwest. They required all women to stay in dorms their freshman year. These were freshmen women's dorms. I had a good experience, but had a single room. I don't think I would do as well with a room mate. I was in a sorority my other 3 years, which is a whole other experience.

 

I also was in a dorm room for Graduate school at a different school.

 

I enjoyed both experiences. It was a good way to be with people around meal times. You didn't have to worry about shopping, cooking, etc

 

I grew up in a college town and saw a lot of variation from my high school friends who went to the local large public university. I think the most common detrimental thing I saw was when kids lived at home during college. It was like they were still in high school. It was harder from them to grow up (jmho). I also found that kids in apartments or off campus did not make as many friends or just know as many people. They seems very isolated.

 

I think there are several issues to take into consideration. One is I would not put a freshman in a situation with lots of upperclassmen. I would check out visitation and quiet time policies. I would see if you can get a single room. See if they have a study area in the dorm so you don't have to go somewhere else at night (library which can be just as loud and social).

 

Some university have a real variety of dorm situation but you have to do some research. My sister was in a "Living Learning Dorm" you had to specially apply to get into it. There were other requirements to live there like taking an extra non credit course per year, which keep lots of people from wanting to live there. But the courses were really interesting and fun and not much extra work. Some big school will have specialty dorms for honors students.

[TravelingChris]

The reason I mentioned schools with geeky or very driven students is not that I don't think drinking, durgs and sex don't happen there. But they do tend to keep it down on non-weekend nights a lot more. I expect almost all colleges to have issues on Friday and Saturday nights. If they are having issues every night that is the biggest problem.

My next one doesn't mind being different and doesn't want to drink or do drugs. She will have a single room. So for her, the only deal is how many problems every one else is causing. If they are quiter and studying on SUnday evening- Thursday, that will be sufficient. I don't have worries that my kid will suddenly become a wild girl. Will she have a drink sometime? Maybe but she doesn't like alcohol and she can't get herself to even drink coffee even when it would be very beneficial to her (she is ADHD and needs caffeine on debate days when her ADHD medication runs out).

[Haiku]

I think that, by the time you go away to college, if you can't handle dorm life, you can't just blame it on the dorm.

 

I lived in three different dorms during university. I had a single room in all three because I knew I needed quiet. There certainly were people who made dorm life difficult, but guess what? There were people in apartment buildings I lived in after school who made apartment life difficult.

 

I was never a partier, and by the time I got to university my drinking days were done (I started early). I enjoyed Friday and Saturday nights because everyone went out and I could study in peace. I had friends, and we had fun together, but I was never shanghaied in into debauchery.

 

My opinion is that if a college student is the type to be distracted by college life, it's going to happen no matter where the student lives unless the student lives at home and has tight parental restrictions. The people I knew who lived off campus in their own apartments partied every bit as much, and probably more so, than those who lived in dorms. The restrictions were tighter in dorms.

 

Tara

[lgm]

Mine was fine at a state engineering campus. Nephew at private engineering campus recently reports similar. We both think that those personalities that see play hard as sex, drink or drug hard have other issues; gaming is always available and so are nonalcoholic events. But , we are both military brats and have seen the long term effects and don't want to go there in our personal lives. Some of our classmates had no clue what they were getting into. Others were just dulling the pain of being brilliant but not having a passion or someone to give/return love.

 

Women need to have an escape plan up front in case they attract a stalker or an abuser. Do discuss this with your daughters, whether they go to college or not.

Edited December 26, 2009 by lgm

[LibraryLover]

One of my nephews lives off campus in an apartment. He's trying to get back onto campus for next semester as he feels really isolated and his apartment had an attempted breakin, which can be scary when you live in an isolated area as he does.

 

There are all manner of housing situations, but few are perfect. Every school my young relatives attend have options for single sex and/or 'quiet dorms' with heavy rules and expulsion if you break them.

 

I do think many kids are simply too young and immature to handle the level of freedom some dorms expect.

 

Of course, my son lives in a fraternity house & has made Dean's List every semester he's been in college. I have no explanation for that. :001_huh:

 

 

 

I think that, by the time you go away to college, if you can't handle dorm life, you can't just blame it on the dorm.

 

I lived in three different dorms during university. I had a single room in all three because I knew I needed quiet. There certainly were people who made dorm life difficult, but guess what? There were people in apartment buildings I lived in after school who made apartment life difficult.

 

I was never a partier, and by the time I got to university my drinking days were done (I started early). I enjoyed Friday and Saturday nights because everyone went out and I could study in peace. I had friends, and we had fun together, but I was never shanghaied in into debauchery.

 

My opinion is that if a college student is the type to be distracted by college life, it's going to happen no matter where the student lives unless the student lives at home and has tight parental restrictions. The people I knew who lived off campus in their own apartments partied every bit as much, and probably more so, than those who lived in dorms. The restrictions were tighter in dorms.

 

Tara