s/o Do you feel "grown-up"...yet?

[sahm99]

In the earlier thread (about age) there was one answer that really hit home:

Apparently I am not THE ONLY one feeling, like life is yet to start...like I will be "really grown up" only one day far away...

I am wondering at times, what is "wrong" with me:001_huh:!

I am 35, have been married for almost 12 years, have been financially independed for 15, moved out from my parents' almost 20 years ago...have 4!!! children...whom I am mothering with some success (hope so:lol:)...

But, still, I feel like I am not "there" yet. Still waiting to be part of the "cool crowd" (you know, thoses older ones...;)).

 

Actually, I look at my friends, and even though we are close, I still feel like they are "real" moms and wives...while I just sneaked in there on a probation basis:D.

This is particularly weird, as I certainly have the image and reputation of having my act together... I almost hold my breath about when my cover will blow up;).

 

Do you think this will go on until I am that gray-haired lady looking back at 85 years (so God will...)?

Do you think something just "happens" at one point, which makes you feel "grown up"?

When did you realize, that "that was it"???

I am not at all stressed about not feeling "grown up", yet...rather amused...and wondering...

 

I am looking forward to your answers!

[Soph the vet]

Are we twins separated at birth? Oh no, that can't be, I'm 7 years older than you. I look at some of my friends the same way...usually they have a better wardrobe and know how to style their hair:lol:. They are more patient with their children and have great solutions for every parenting issue. My mom was always an "immature" mom but now she is finally a fantastic grandmother at 71. Maybe that is me. I don't know.

[momtoboys]

no, i don't feel "grown up" yet in many ways. . .on the other hand, in other ways I have felt grown up since age 10 or so. If that makes any sense at all! ;)

[unsinkable]

My parents died when I was a teenager. It made me instantly responsible for myself and in a sense, grown-up.

 

For me, though, it is a competence issue. I might be grown-up, but I am certainly not a competent grown-up. :lol:

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

It is probably different for everyone. I was always seen as younger than I was, but I was older on the inside. When I hit 30, I felt as though I had arrived in the adult world, and noone could say otherwise. At 43, I suddenly felt middleaged. Maybe it is because so many options are limited by our financial and family dynamics. I guess I feel kind of stuck. I don't necessarily dislike where I am, I just wish I had more flexibility and desire to do a variety of things to make life more interesting.

 

ETA: I wonder if birth order has anything to do with this. I am the oldest child in my family, and the second oldest of all my cousins.

Edited December 5, 2009 by Virginia Dawn

[elegantlion]

I'm 42 and I'm not grown up yet. :D In my younger days I defined grown up in a much different manner. A few years ago dh and I redefined what that means for us and are in the process of becoming who we were meant to be.

 

I'd be surprised if some of your friends don't feel the same way you do about their "reputations".

[dirty ethel rackham]

To tell you the truth, I did not feel like a grown up until this past month, despite my 46 years. I have 5 siblings, 4 of whom are much older than me. They really did not see me as a grown up:). My friends are wonderful, mature women (not mature and in matronly, but mature in outlook in life.) I am often in awe of their wisdom and grace. I would feel very much like the kid who needed mentoring when I was with them.

 

Well, with my mother's illness, it was up to me to convince the doctor that, even if there was more that could be done, it would not be fair to my mom to force her to live longer just because they had a possible treatment in their bag of tricks and have her bouncing in and out of the hospital. My siblings could not do it, despite telling me it needed to be done. Then, when my mom finally passed on Wednesday, I was with her, providing comfort, telling her that it was ok and giving her permission to go. That was when I knew I was a grown up.

[unsinkable]

To tell you the truth, I did not feel like a grown up until this past month, despite my 46 years. I have 5 siblings, 4 of whom are much older than me. They really did not see me as a grown up:). My friends are wonderful, mature women (not mature and in matronly, but mature in outlook in life.) I am often in awe of their wisdom and grace. I would feel very much like the kid who needed mentoring when I was with them.

 

Well, with my mother's illness, it was up to me to convince the doctor that, even if there was more that could be done, it would not be fair to my mom to force her to live longer just because they had a possible treatment in their bag of tricks and have her bouncing in and out of the hospital. My siblings could not do it, despite telling me it needed to be done. Then, when my mom finally passed on Wednesday, I was with her, providing comfort, telling her that it was ok and giving her permission to go. That was when I knew I was a grown up.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

What a blessing you had, to be able to do that for your mom. A difficult thing, for sure, but a blessing, too.

[Guest janainaz]

I don't feel grown up and never have. My dh and I have some young friends who are in their very early 20s and I feel right at home with them. I have nieces in their late teens and I can jump into their world as well. I just remember being those ages like it was yesterday - it SEEMS like yesterday. My 30s have flown past me at an alarmingly quick pace - when did the years fly by that I'm almost 38.........right around the corner from 40? I don't FEEL that age, I, personally, can't be the girl turning 40 in a couple of years.

What is scarier is to know how quickly these years have passed and knowing that all of a sudden I'll wake up and be the girl turning 50. Life has just sped up and I'm not ready!

 

When I see how old some Hollywood stars are, I get shocked that I'm THAT much older! I just can't even believe it. I sit back and think, "I CAN'T be older than her!"

 

My stepmom is 68 and is in amazing shape, she's just got her 2nd degree black-belt in karate and she is always up to try anything new. She seemed to get "old" looking in her face overnight, but I can see that she was one of those girls who never really felt grown up and for that reason she is staying young physically. There is something good about that feeling, I think!

[Hikin' Mama]

but when I'm sick I want my mom! She was such a calming presence when I was sick as a child. I felt better just knowing she was home.

 

When my kids were younger, every once in awhile I would get scared when it hit me that "I was the mom here." Yikes!

[LibraryLover]

My mother says I was born old.

Edited December 6, 2009 by LibraryLover

[sagira]

No, I feel so young and immature. In fact, I think others notice. I'm 32, have been married for almost ten years and have two children, but even children treat me differently than they treat their mothers. I had a mom tell her son once about me, "She is a mom too. You need to listen to her" and his face was incredulous :tongue_smilie: I think that's why my children seem to have a hard time listening to me :confused: I project an air of youth, and if I don't have the kids, young men try to ask me out of flirt with me or teens hang out with me. I volunteer once a year for Be the Change, and the teens there think I'm one of them and share everything with me, but are guarded with the other adults.

 

This could serve me well as a youth counselor I'm thinking, I don't know.

 

One day I dream of just walking into a room and project an air of leadership, wisdom and respect.. LOL I don't think it's going to happen any time soon!

Edited December 5, 2009 by sagira

[JustGin]

In the earlier thread (about age) there was one answer that really hit home:

Apparently I am not THE ONLY one feeling, like life is yet to start...like I will be "really grown up" only one day far away...

I am wondering at times, what is "wrong" with me:001_huh:!

I am 35, have been married for almost 12 years, have been financially independed for 15, moved out from my parents' almost 20 years ago...have 4!!! children...whom I am mothering with some success (hope so:lol:)...

But, still, I feel like I am not "there" yet. Still waiting to be part of the "cool crowd" (you know, thoses older ones...;)).

 

Actually, I look at my friends, and even though we are close, I still feel like they are "real" moms and wives...while I just sneaked in there on a probation basis:D.

This is particularly weird, as I certainly have the image and reputation of having my act together... I almost hold my breath about when my cover will blow up;).

 

Do you think this will go on until I am that gray-haired lady looking back at 85 years (so God will...)?

Do you think something just "happens" at one point, which makes you feel "grown up"?

When did you realize, that "that was it"???

I am not at all stressed about not feeling "grown up", yet...rather amused...and wondering...

 

I am looking forward to your answers!

 

This is exactly why I'm liking my 40's. I remember feeling like a fake adult in my 30's so I wonder if this is common. Now that I"m 45, I feel like I'm old enough to have some "street cred" and yet young enough to be sprightly and fun.:auto:

I'm told that the 40's are the youth of old age and the old age of youth. Yep, that about sums it up. :001_smile:

[PinkInTheBlue]

I think on the outside I look grown up and got it somewhat figured out but what I fear is that someone's going to remember I'm just playing house and I have no idea what I'm doing! LOL There's just no way someone really thought it was a good idea to trust me to be a mom, wife, teacher and business owner. I'm telling you, one day they are going to remember I'm not grown up enough for this!

 

I'm right there with you!

[swellmomma]

No, I feel so young and immature. In fact, I think others notice. I'm 32, have been married for almost ten years and have two children, but even children treat me differently than they treat their mothers. I had a mom tell her son once about me, "She is a mom too. You need to listen to her" and his face was incredulous :tongue_smilie: I think that's why my children seem to have a hard time listening to me :confused: I project an air of youth, and if I don't have the kids, young men try to ask me out of flirt with me or teens hang out with me. I volunteer once a year for Be the Change, and the teens there think I'm one of them and share everything with me, but are guarded with the other adults.

 

This could serve me well as a youth counselor I'm thinking, I don't know.

 

One day I dream of just walking into a room and project an air of leadership, wisdom and respect.. LOL I don't think it's going to happen any time soon!

 

 

This is me too. Kids (mine and others) see me more as a friend than an authority figure like they see other moms. My neighbor boys and their friends tell me WAY more than they would tell any other adult. It is weird because I have had to be like a little grown up since I was 9, with the responsibilities I had, job at age 11 etc. Back then I felt so grown up. But since then it is like I stalled out and never really finished growing up. Even my family still treats me like a little kid (especially my mom), even though I am the oldest, raising 4 kids etc.

 

Part of that is circumstance. My sister and her husband are very well to-do, she is a martha stewart wanna be, always hostessing dinner parties etc. Raising only 1 child so everything is pristine all the time etc. Where as I am divorced, always broke, rent not own, hate playing hostess, never cook the big dinners(easter, xmas, thanks giving- though I will happily bring a side dish) etc. So maybe if I meet a rich man, have the kids move out, change my personality to want to play hostess and such I will feel like I have arrived.

 

The strange thing is in all of that I feel young but in many ways I feel too darned old. Life circumstance has worn me right down and in that regard I feel older than I should kwim

[Jolash]

I didn't feel "grown up" until my Mom died when I was 36. I grew up that Thanksgiving morning.

[amyable]

no, i don't feel "grown up" yet in many ways. . .on the other hand, in other ways I have felt grown up since age 10 or so. If that makes any sense at all! ;)

 

That makes total sense to me. When I was 12 I felt like I was 35. Now at 35 I feel like I'm playing house. It's weird.

 

Me too.

 

Although last week my dad asked me for a loan. Dh said, "Hey, you're all grown up now!" :tongue_smilie:

[Laurie4b]

Yep. Menopause will do that to you.

[3lilreds in NC]

I don't feel grown up. I don't feel like I can jump right in with the 20-somethings, but I do have thoughts of whether it's really OK to leave me in charge at home alone some days. I don't feel entirely equipped for the responsibility. I am much closer to 40 than 30 and have 3 children of my own, and I do wonder if I will ever "feel" grown up. :D

[Audrey]

In the earlier thread (about age) there was one answer that really hit home:

Apparently I am not THE ONLY one feeling, like life is yet to start...like I will be "really grown up" only one day far away...

I am wondering at times, what is "wrong" with me:001_huh:!

I am 35, have been married for almost 12 years, have been financially independed for 15, moved out from my parents' almost 20 years ago...have 4!!! children...whom I am mothering with some success (hope so:lol:)...

But, still, I feel like I am not "there" yet. Still waiting to be part of the "cool crowd" (you know, thoses older ones...;)).

 

Actually, I look at my friends, and even though we are close, I still feel like they are "real" moms and wives...while I just sneaked in there on a probation basis:D.

This is particularly weird, as I certainly have the image and reputation of having my act together... I almost hold my breath about when my cover will blow up;).

 

Do you think this will go on until I am that gray-haired lady looking back at 85 years (so God will...)?

Do you think something just "happens" at one point, which makes you feel "grown up"?

When did you realize, that "that was it"???

I am not at all stressed about not feeling "grown up", yet...rather amused...and wondering...

 

I am looking forward to your answers!

 

 

I think it depends on how you define "grown up."

 

If grown up means sedate and somber, then no. I'm not very grown-up.

If grown up means wiser, but can still include regular zaniness, then yes. I'm there.

[Michelle My Bell]

I used to feel like that, but being in leadership roles as a Pastor's wife, Homeschool Group leader, Organizing and running a million different programs, parties & activities and now running my own buisness has allowed me to finally feel like I am a grown up! LOL

 

BUT that is not to say I act like one. I know I am a huge goof ball. My daughter says that kids love me because I am so fun. I just want to enjoy life and not get old before necessary.

 

Michelle

[myfunnybunch]

Do you think this will go on until I am that gray-haired lady looking back at 85 years (so God will...)?

 

My mother, though not yet near 85, said "Yes," when I asked her a similar question a few years ago. She says she still feels this way in her 60's.

 

When I was a child and teen I thought that grown-ups had all the answers to everything. They seemed so confident and competent. Now I'm the grown-up, I feel inner doubts and worries, even when I may appear confident and competent.

 

My vision of being "grown up" as a child doesn't match the reality. *sigh* I still don't have all of the answers, so I don't feel quite grown up, at least not the way I'd always pictured growing up.

 

Cat

[Nan in Mass]

Hugs hugs and more hugs. I don't feel grown up yet. I think I probably won't while my husband and parents are still mothering me. I think you probably must really be a grownup now, in the absolute best sense of the word, to not be feeling even less grown up after what you have just had to do, but I think you probably will recapture some of the best child-like things when you have lived some distance from this.

-Nan

[Luanne]

To tell you the truth, I did not feel like a grown up until this past month, despite my 46 years. I have 5 siblings, 4 of whom are much older than me. They really did not see me as a grown up:). My friends are wonderful, mature women (not mature and in matronly, but mature in outlook in life.) I am often in awe of their wisdom and grace. I would feel very much like the kid who needed mentoring when I was with them.

 

 

I am 45 and the youngest of 4. I also have several friends who are older than I am and they definitely act as mentors to me. I thought maybe I was the only one this age that didn't feel like a "grown-up" yet. :001_huh:

[HRAAB]

I grew up on April 18, 2001. I was 40 years old, married for 16 years and the mother of 5. It was my mother's death that made me feel I was truly a grown-up. There was no longer that barrier between me and .... whatever. I was the barrier between the younger generation and death, the matriarch, I guess. And if that didn't do it completely, then nursing my father on two separate occasions and helping him die certainly did.

 

Yes, I feel totally grown up.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm totally grown up. And both my parents are living. I am 46 and felt not so much grown-up as middle-aged just in the last year.

[Jenny in Atl]

I'm moving in the opposite direction. My mother said I was born old, and I'm getting younger with each year. I only wish my body was doing the same! :lol:

[Brigitte]

That makes total sense to me. When I was 12 I felt like I was 35. Now at 35 I feel like I'm playing house. It's weird.

 

That's me. I was forced to be rather mature at a young age (latch key kid and all that). I am 42 and still don't feel grown-up. I feel like everyone else has it all together and I don't.

[jazzyfizzle]

In the earlier thread (about age) there was one answer that really hit home:

Apparently I am not THE ONLY one feeling, like life is yet to start...like I will be "really grown up" only one day far away...

I am wondering at times, what is "wrong" with me:001_huh:!

 

 

Are we twins separated at birth? Oh no, that can't be, I'm 7 years older than you. I look at some of my friends the same way...usually they have a better wardrobe and know how to style their hair:lol:. They are more patient with their children and have great solutions for every parenting issue. My mom was always an "immature" mom but now she is finally a fantastic grandmother at 71. Maybe that is me. I don't know.

 

 

 

Wow, just wow. I always felt like I was the only one who felt this way!! Yay, I am not alone!! :D I must be you gals' long lost sister!

[TKDmom]

I used to think that 30 was "old". Now I'm 31, have 4 kids, and my mom passed away 4 years ago. I'm still wondering when I will be all grown up. Sometimes, I talk to the teen-age girls at church, and I realize that they consider me to be old. :D It always sends shock-waves through me, b/c I don't feel much older than them.

 

I figure that once I have teenage, or adult, children then I will feel like a grown-up.

Edited December 6, 2009 by bonniebeth4

[Peela]

An elderly lady once said to me that even though her body was old, on the inside she still feels the same as she did when she was 16. It made me realise that is pretty much the same for all of us, in one way.

I started feeling grown up when I turned 30, and it kept going from there. Turning 30 was a big deal to me. At 42, it's not so much of an issue, but, I am perfectly aware that most of us- no, pretty much everybody- has wounding and patterns that are immature inside them, alongside the more adult coping mechanisms, alongside true maturity. Maturity is a life long process, and nothing to do with bodily age- many elderly people are not very mature, and there are young people who are very mature. To me, maturity is akin to natural wisdom.

I am also familiar with that feeling of waiting for my life to start..I had it strongly for a long time, but once I became aware that while I was waiting my life was fleeting past, and all those seconds could never be reclaimed, I stopped waiting. I think its just a habit we often get as a child- waiting for Christmas, for a birthday, for the next good thing....and we forget to stop doing that as adults. But I have been involved in spirituality which emphasises being present in the moment, so it is an issue I have become very aware of (and I still wait at times until I catch myself).

[Kate in VA]

I am 28 and I joke with my dd telling her that I can't wait to turn 30 because then I will be a growth up! ;) Only time will tell!:lol: