Will I find happiness if I put my kids in public school?

[MommyX8]

I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand the fighting with kids to get them to do school. I can't stand the fighting amongst themselves. I can't stand the tone of voice that they use with each other. I can't stand the electronics. I can't stand the 14 year old boy that sleeps in to 1pm every day. I can't take doing ALL the chores in the house. I can't take teaching an 8 year old boy to read when we have been through at least 5 different programs. The same child can't add either so I am up against something bigger than I can handle here.

 

My husband is out of the country for 2 weeks every month, leaving me at home with 6 kids. I haven't been home alone in over 10 years. How would it feel to actually have a clean, decluttered house? What would it be like to be one on one with the 2 year old?

 

Will public school give me happiness or will my unhappiness continue to spiral out of control?

[Joanne]

I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand the fighting with kids to get them to do school. I can't stand the fighting amongst themselves. I can't stand the tone of voice that they use with each other. I can't stand the electronics. I can't stand the 14 year old boy that sleeps in to 1pm every day. I can't take doing ALL the chores in the house. I can't take teaching an 8 year old boy to read when we have been through at least 5 different programs. The same child can't add either so I am up against something bigger than I can handle here.

 

My husband is out of the country for 2 weeks every month, leaving me at home with 6 kids. I haven't been home alone in over 10 years. How would it feel to actually have a clean, decluttered house? What would it be like to be one on one with the 2 year old?

 

Will public school give me happiness or will my unhappiness continue to spiral out of control?

 

I can't answer your last question, but I do have a few in response to the issues in your post.

 

1) Is it possible you are clinically depressed?

 

2) What routine and "schedule" have you developed, implemented and executed? For how long?

 

3) What is your school routine? I'm not a fan of the *parenting* advice in Managers of Their Homes, but I do like the schooling/scheduling advice, especially for larger families.

 

4) What have you done for behavior and character and chore training? How has the follow up been?

 

5) What have you done to take care of yourself so you can be the best mom you can? Support network, social group, church, regular time away and/or alone in your home? Please don't "buy into" the nearly competitive idea that no time away from the kids is somehow indicative of good mothering.

 

6) How is your diet, habits of movement, meditation/prayer?

 

7) Can you afford a maid?

 

8) Are you depressed? Yes, I know I asked that already but many things in your post scream depression.

 

9) Too much screen time for people in your home? That can easily slide into some of the stuff you are posting about.

 

If the above items are not addressed, life won't get better regardless of where the kids spend school hours.

[JFSinIL]

I'd consider putting the oldest in school and keeping the 8-yr-old at home and sticking with ONE reading program - broken into small chunks of time and alternated with other work/play as the major part of his day. That gives you a more manageable teaching load.

 

I would not trust any non-reading kid to the local public schools.

 

One idea - request - in writing - a full assessment of the kid. If there is any underlying learning disability you want to catch it NOW - and with an IEP the kid could get appropriate services (one hopes) at the school. Or - if you can work with him at home, at least you would know what the exact issues are.

Edited November 28, 2009 by JFSinIL

[Quiver0f10]

My older kids went to PS up until my oldest was entering 7th and it didn't make life easier. I found it more hectic. We were up by 6 to get everyone ready, fed and out the door. Then they are home by 3:30 PM and they all wanted mom time, all wanted food, then they all had home work, dinner, sports/activities etc. I used to dread 3:30 PM.

 

Maybe it's time for a break. Put the books away for a few weeks and work on getting everyone, 14 yo incuded, on a schedule. Get those kids helping with chores. Work on any discipline issues. Then get the books back out and ease back into things. Start with the core subjects then add in the things you consider extra.

 

I would also consider having your 8 year old evaluated for a learning disability and go from there.

[LisaKinVA]

What Joanne said....

 

And a little of my own.

 

Moving the children into public school doesn't alleviate all problems. While some will go away, you will probably acquire new ones to replace them.

 

:grouphug:

 

Lisa

[Oak Knoll Mom]

Maybe it's time for a break. Put the books away for a few weeks and work on getting everyone, 14 yo incuded, on a schedule. Get those kids helping with chores. Work on any discipline issues. Then get the books back out and ease back into things. Start with the core subjects then add in the things you consider extra.

 

I would also consider having your 8 year old evaluated for a learning disability and go from there.

 

:iagree: Great advice.

[Carrie12345]

I agree with Joanne.

 

The only thing I have to add is the fact that I've been in the position to be alone with my 2yo from time to time, and I always find myself wishing the big kids were around. I'm WAY out of practice in being a toddler's only playmate! ;)

[MomsintheGarden]

Maybe it's time for a break. Put the books away for a few weeks and work on getting everyone, 14 yo incuded, on a schedule. Get those kids helping with chores. Work on any discipline issues. Then get the books back out and ease back into things. Start with the core subjects then add in the things you consider extra.

 

I would also consider having your 8 year old evaluated for a learning disability and go from there.

:iagree:

I totally agree with Quiver's advice. You will need to take 1 step "back" to take 2 steps forward. If you can get your children on a reasonable schedule and train each of the capable ones (ages 5 and up) to do at least one chore a day, you will be on your way to having a happier family life. When you feel that you are treading water (or worse), and also feel like the household drudge/slave, you will not have a happy family life, no matter what your children do for school.

 

Also, if possible, please consider getting some counseling help. Do you have a pastor, friend, or doctor you trust who can help?

 

Please let us know how you're doing.

 

GardenMom

[ravengal]

If your eldest is sleeping in until 1pm daily, he may be depressed. I would remedy his situation first, because he is at risk for future trouble if he continues to languish at home with no structure, goals, chores, or expectations.

[Alison in KY]

I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand the fighting with kids to get them to do school. I can't stand the fighting amongst themselves. I can't stand the tone of voice that they use with each other. I can't stand the electronics. I can't stand the 14 year old boy that sleeps in to 1pm every day. I can't take doing ALL the chores in the house. I can't take teaching an 8 year old boy to read when we have been through at least 5 different programs. The same child can't add either so I am up against something bigger than I can handle here.

 

My husband is out of the country for 2 weeks every month, leaving me at home with 6 kids. I haven't been home alone in over 10 years. How would it feel to actually have a clean, decluttered house? What would it be like to be one on one with the 2 year old?

 

Will public school give me happiness or will my unhappiness continue to spiral out of control?

 

I don't think public school will necessarily give you the happiness you are looking for. Will your 14 yr old get out of bed early to go to public school? Will the bus come to your house so you won't have to leave? Will the oldest do his homework without your nagging? Are your other children doing okay with homeschooling? If so, and you think you can get oldest out of bed, then you could always put him and 8 yr old into public school...yet still ALL of your kids should have responsibility around the house.

 

So I propose you begin bootcamp ASAP. Give them a warning that you are starting something new that you believe will be the best thing for your family. Be encouraging...then begin your bootcamp by cancelling all TV and electronics. These things are purely a treat and until the family as a whole begins working together and respecting each other then no treats. You can of course also take away toys. You can permanently cancel TV shows by blocking them.

 

Smart mouth runneth over at my house lately and my oldest two really fight alot. I'm tired of threatening this or that. I've started giving them physical exercise for punishment. I'll let them know that they can do 25 jumping jacks, or whatever (so far it's only been jumping jacks), then I add to it in 25 increments. If they do not do it, then they get their dad's spanking when they come home...and that's not an experience to look forward to. If they refuse other things and generally don't want to help out or be in the family (but still want benefits of what our family has) then I've sent them to their room to sit in bed and stay there in isolation until they come back and apologize and are ready to join our family again. This means no food, toys, etc. This sounds harsher than what it really is since my kids are only 10, 8, and 6. They usually show up to apologize in 15 minutes.

 

I agree with what others have said...stop formal schooling and get your kids and house in order. IF after a few weeks of working on things you believe the 14 yr old AND you will be better off at public school then go for it.

 

Oh, one more thing. Sometimes it does a world of good to just get away, even for a couple hours. Maybe you could do that one day. You could also do some decluttering all by yourself (I like doing this sometimes) and just have someone babysit your kids for a day (grandparents, or friends) and just sit at home, crank your fav. music up, and get something done that has been driving YOU batty. Oh, and treat yourself to a delivered pizza while your at it :001_smile:

 

Best of luck and I think most of us have been there, so your not alone and you will not fail.

 

Alison

[Testimony]

When the work gets too much, stop!

 

Don't do anymore academics. They need character training. Take the time to do some character training with them. My husband did a curriculum called Lessons in Responsibility for boys by Pearables.

 

Just a thought!

 

Blessings,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[ConnieB]

 

Moving the children into public school doesn't alleviate all problems. While some will go away, you will probably acquire new ones to replace them.

 

 

:iagree: Just as bringing a child into homeschooling will not fix all the problems of public schooling, beware of thinking that sending the kids to public school will fix things. For instance:

 

The fighting amongst themselves, and the tone of voice, are not likely to get better. While I hate making generalizations, and I can think of only a very small handful of exceptions in our life, for the most part I find that PS kids have very bad attitude/tone of voice, especially with siblings. If it's happening already, sending them to school isn't going to improve it.

 

Your 14yo isn't going to be able to start public school at 1pm. You'll have the local truant officer at your door every week. So, if you're going to have to force him to wake up to go to school, than you can certainly do that for him to start school. I known when my eldest hit her teens the sudden need for more sleep caught me off guard.....but I required her to resolve it by going to bed earlier.....whatever time she needed to in order to be up in the morning at the time I expected. I later learned that she was having insomnia and would wake up in the middle of the night and go to the living to read a book for several hours. Ummm, gee, no wonder you were tired in the morning if you were up half the night! If your son isn't getting up in the middle of the night, and is going to bed at a decent time, you may want to talk with his doctor.....while teens do tend to need more sleep they shouldn't require sleeping all day!

 

The housework is still going to be there...sure you may have more hours in the day available to doing it, but that isn't going to make it any easier on you. And pardon me for being blunt, but if you have school age children, they should be doing a portion of the upkeep as well. Even 1st graders can do many chores.....14 year olds should be doing an hour or more a day of helping around the house.

 

Is it possible you are not only depressed, but burnt out? My DH travels a lot also....and has been gone for weeks even months at a time (though thankfully most trips are 2-3 weeks a half dozen times a year or so). But when he's gone for long long periods it can really burn me out. It's not so much the extra chores....the kids and I divide Daddy's chores or they just get put off until he comes home.......but it's the constant "on" that burns me out. After dinner is "my time"....Daddy and the kids tend to get together to do stuff, talk about each others day, show off what they've done, etc. Sometimes it's just an hour, often times it stretches until bedtime. But that's my time, if I want it, to go off and relax....read a book, catch up on email, sit and veg in front of the TV. When he's not here I miss that...some days a lot more than others.

 

Since you can't change DH's work schedule, you need to find ways to get time for you......with a 14 year old, you probably don't need a sitter, but if he's either not responsible enough or doesn't get along well, it might be an option. Doesn't have to be every day....doesn't have to be at a set time. Maybe a neighbor or another homeschool family and you could trade off....when life gets to you, a phone call will arrange an hour or two of playdate time.....that mom can call you when she needs. Sometimes just knowing that this is available is enough!

 

A maid to do the heavy weekly cleaning might also relieve you of some stress....knowing that the carpet looks bad but someone else will be here tomorrow to do it makes it much more tolerable than the guilt of if you don't do it no one will! If the cost of a maid is not possible, consider paying a high school student to come in, just be prepared for a little less perfection, but hey, at least it's swept!

 

Another thing you might want to do is ask a trusted friend to give you an HONEST evaluation of your parenting. I won't presume to know how things are done in your home, or what you've tried that has or hasn't worked.....but quite often problems such as you describe can be partially attributed to you as the parent not giving the children clear expectations and then holding them to those....doesn't work for everything, and some days are better than others at my house....but I do know that if I lose my patience and yell at the kids, they tend to yell at each other! And then I get angrier and yell at them about yelling......oops, not a great way to teach them that even in anger they need to speak respectfully to each other. We all know we don't tolerate that in our house....and sometimes we stray far afield of that rule and have to conciously work to get back on track.

 

And if I get impatient that they're not sweeping/washing/cleaning like "I" would then they tend to not want to do it at all, and the next time it's even worse. I believe that the "hive" here calls it "tomato staking" but when we digress to this point I tend to take one child at a time and work WITH them on their chores until they "remember" how to do it correctly again. Then move on to the next child, lol. I'm not saying that a change in parenting style will solve all your problems....but perhaps some changes will help. :grouphug:

 

I think we all go through periods where it feels like everything is falling apart. Those are the times we MUST step back and evaluate where it all went wrong and how to get back on track.

 

I do not believe that sending the children off to school is going to solve nearly as much of your problems as you think they will. But it could be quite detrimental as bringing them home again may be much more difficult....especially if they aren't happy being home because of the same reasons you are unhappy.

 

Perhaps a dear friend can come in help you get back on track? Don't think of it as burdening a friend....think of it as blessing her with allowing her to help your family heal. :grouphug:

[EKS]

If you decide to continue homeschooling your 8yo, the folks over at the Special Needs Board are a wealth of knowledge and support. My now 13yo learned to read because of the advice I received over there.

 

Also, if you haven't already, I get him examined by a developmental optometrist. And the book Overcoming Dyslexia is excellent (just ignore the part where she says that parents shouldn't teach their struggling kids to read; she means that parents shouldn't wing it when teaching reading).

 

I'm sorry you're struggling.

[Laurie4b]

I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand the fighting with kids to get them to do school. I can't stand the fighting amongst themselves. I can't stand the tone of voice that they use with each other. I can't stand the electronics. I can't stand the 14 year old boy that sleeps in to 1pm every day. I can't take doing ALL the chores in the house. I can't take teaching an 8 year old boy to read when we have been through at least 5 different programs. The same child can't add either so I am up against something bigger than I can handle here.

 

My husband is out of the country for 2 weeks every month, leaving me at home with 6 kids. I haven't been home alone in over 10 years. How would it feel to actually have a clean, decluttered house? What would it be like to be one on one with the 2 year old?

 

Will public school give me happiness or will my unhappiness continue to spiral out of control?

 

"Put on your own oxygen mask first." That's what they tell you on the airlines when going over safety procedures. If you don't put on your own oxygen mask first, you may pass out before getting your kids' on then nobody survives.

 

So the first question I would concentrate on is: what would restore your soul and replenish your enthusiasm? You've probably put off a focus on taking care of your basic needs in favor of your family, but it sounds as if you are about to "pass out" in the airline analogy. You've got to get some O2 yourself in order to make decisions about your family.

 

Do something for yourself today--anything that is productive: take a warm bath, take a walk, make yourself a favorite meal, eat something healthy, cancel school and read a favorite book. Drink some hot tea. Pretend you are your own mom and take care of yourself.

 

Take baby steps to fix things. Today, do something for yourself. Tomorrow, do something to replenish yourself again and add one more thing.

 

What kind of support do you get from your husband? Does he expect you to "do it all?" Do you set these expectations for yourself and then he goes along with it? Or does he set these expectations for you and criticize when you can't manage it all?

 

Ask dad to be in charge of 14 yo ds getting up. He can set up the expectations and the consequences. He can check in while he's out of town.

 

Holiday season is approaching, so you can give yourself some time off. Do school only with the 14 year old, who can't afford to get behind. Spend some time with the 2 year old.

 

Some have recommended that you check into whether you are depressed and that sounds like a good idea. You certainly sound overwhelmed.

 

:grouphug:

[homeschoolally]

My older kids went to PS up until my oldest was entering 7th and it didn't make life easier. I found it more hectic. We were up by 6 to get everyone ready, fed and out the door. Then they are home by 3:30 PM and they all wanted mom time, all wanted food, then they all had home work, dinner, sports/activities etc. I used to dread 3:30 PM.

 

Maybe it's time for a break. Put the books away for a few weeks and work on getting everyone, 14 yo incuded, on a schedule. Get those kids helping with chores. Work on any discipline issues. Then get the books back out and ease back into things. Start with the core subjects then add in the things you consider extra.

 

 

 

:iagree: great advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sue G in PA]

I could have written your post, cept i have 7 kids. Last year was the pits. I AM, however, clinically depressed. BUT, the fighting was not helping me. We had to do something and my dh and my therapist suggest putting all or some in school. Well, I KNEW that wouldn't solve all the problems, but I had to do something. I put my 3 oldest in ps. My 4 youngest are still at home. The year at home has been much smoother. I've been able to focus on my 8yo who was a real challenge and my 6yo who was not reading yet or interested in school at all. My attitude has been better. My oldest are adapting well to ps. My ds11 LOVES it and doesn't want to come home, although I've noticed a HUGE change in his attitude (for the worst) and so he might be coming home soon if he doesnt change. My dd12 likes school, though she says she would come home if I wanted her to. She could "take it or leave it"...meaning school. Ds10 said he doesn't like school, but is thriving. Sibling rivalry has not changed...it's just "shmooshed" into the few hours that they are together in the evening and weekends. Somehow that makes it worse. Attitudes about chores are worse b/c they say the already have "too much work to do". HAH! AND, I constantly have to keep on top of the teachers, homework, projects, lunches, etc. It's MORE work for me. So, it won't solve all the problems. I love Jean's advice. However, you must do what is right for YOU. Set an alarm for the 14yo...if he doesn't get up by x time to do school...privileges will be removed. KWIM? If he still won't obey...well...ps might be a better "fit". I will pray you come to a decision that gives you peace. There are adv. and disadv. to both choices. I'm not "thrilled" with the ps system, but it is "working" for us right now. Next year is another year...no decision is set in stone. But, i do agree with pp...character issues MUST be addressed. Ask me how I know.

[tricia]

As for our family, I found putting my oldest 2 children in high school so I could deal with the other 10 kids only made life worse. That was it, never again did any of my children go to school. I tried it for a couple years and THAT made me miserable.:tongue_smilie:

[Nestof3]

Honestly, if the 14 year old doesn't get up until 1 pm, there would be no electronics. So, I would pack them/give them all away. There would also be no friends unless the child did all of the school and housework you assign to him. Is he staying up late on electronics?

 

There would also be no food unless the children contribute with chores. Have they never contributed to the household, or is this a new thing?

 

I would sit down with them and tell them things are changing pronto.

[LibraryLover]

I think a thoughtful school can work very well for some families.

 

I wouldn't say it's easier or harder, just different, and sometimes very right for a family.

[....]

Sounds something like...everybody needs a break and change of scenery?? We've gotten to that point before. We took off to Chicago one day and a week later, drove to Texas (Heck, we're in Texas right now).

 

I'm not saying you should drag the 20 kids by yourself to Incan Ruins in Peru or Stonehenge or anything... :lol: But, maybe a wrench thrown in their day would be what they need.

 

Also, have you looked at something of a more permanent fix, like Managers of their Homes (or whatever that book's called). The Duggars (you know, the 19 kid-people) were talking about that book.

 

Good luck! I've been a single parent for the last 8 months, so I hear ya'!!

[....]

:iagree:

 

Exercise, no more TV/computer and some inspirational organization!

 

Could you guys join a Y? We're doing that next month and I'm soooo excited. We drove past it several times (like dorks). 7 year-old is wanting to take the kids' yoga. :tongue_smilie: Exercise can make everybody feel a LOT better.

 

I'm also looking into buying Managers of their Homes myself... :auto:

[momof2boys]

I have not read the other posts but I do not think that sending them to PS will necessarily solve your problem. PS will present its own set of new problems.

I would suggest taking a break from your books and working on getting everyone on a schedule and involving the kids in the chores. Make a chore chart for instance. If you use textbooks why not try doing some unit studies for a while. THis will involve all the kids at their own level.

I think taking a step back and thinking through everything and coming up with a plan will yield great benefits.

Gloria

[Garga]

I agree with the others who say to stop academics for a few months (if necessary) and get everything else in order.

 

If that's what you decide to do, I'm sure you can ask in other posts about each issue and ways to deal with it. (Too many electronics, yelling at each other, keeping a house clean with 8 people--sounds like you'd need about 3 other posts or so to get all the advice.)

[elizam]

I think you have gotten some excellent advice here.

 

I understand and relate to soooo much of what you are saying, right down to the reading issues and sleeping teens (I have two, both of whom deal with depression)

 

PS made our lives worse. In fact, my 16yo needs to be pulled NOW. They don't even WANT him; they have encouraged him to DROP OUT. He has bipolar, ADHD, can't wake up, has used substances...you get the ugly picture.

 

My kids are good and smart overall. They do have issues. our whole family does. But PS is not the answer for us. I seriously doubt it is for many people. Some have to. But if you don't, and you aren't sure....maybe try to think outside the box for answers/solutions.

 

My kids often work/learn spontaneously later in the day, even late at night.

[Impish]

I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand the fighting with kids to get them to do school. I can't stand the fighting amongst themselves. I can't stand the tone of voice that they use with each other. I can't stand the electronics. I can't stand the 14 year old boy that sleeps in to 1pm every day. I can't take doing ALL the chores in the house. I can't take teaching an 8 year old boy to read when we have been through at least 5 different programs. The same child can't add either so I am up against something bigger than I can handle here.

 

My husband is out of the country for 2 weeks every month, leaving me at home with 6 kids. I haven't been home alone in over 10 years. How would it feel to actually have a clean, decluttered house? What would it be like to be one on one with the 2 year old?

 

Will public school give me happiness or will my unhappiness continue to spiral out of control?

PS won't solve your problems. It sounds as though yes, you're completely burned out and need a break. Take one. Be it suspending school for a week, going out for coffee with a gf, date night with dh, bubble bath...whatever will give you a time out, get it.

 

Your teenager needs to be in bed at a decent hour, then up at a decent hour. I can't imagine waking him up and getting him out the door to PS is going to be any easier a task than what you face now.

 

Kids, even young kids, are capable of doing chores. I make my kids earn their tech time. I bought poker chips at the dollar store, and each colour is worth so much electronic time. They do chores and earn chips, which they can save up (to watch a movie) or spend on the puter, xbox, tv, etc.

 

There have been some excellent suggestions regarding potential depression issues, learning issues, so I won't repeat those.

 

There's absolutely no reason why a 14 yo and 8 yo can't take a big chunk of the chores off your hands.

[6packofun]

I've been where you are for a time and it was because I was:

 

1. Not taking care of myself anymore (see Joanne's post!), and

2. Tired of being everything to all of the kids, especially the "bad guy", and so I gave up on most of the discipline and schedule.

 

Things fell apart because *I* let up on those things that held us together. It truly was the discipline and consistent schedule and expectations that were the first to go when I got exhausted and needing just a little time for myself. Who wants everything to be a battle all the time? So you let things go... But it's a vicious circle where you don't care for yourself or ever get a break, so you're super-sensitive to everything going wrong and your response is to just say screw it...and then guess what? Things get worse and you KNOW you can't take some time off to yourself now...but you're too tired to do it and...everything falls apart.

 

STOP what you're doing. Take a break and think/pray/meditate on what you need and want for things to be better. Then, tell the kids how it's going to be. Create a schedule together and tell them what the consequences are going to be for those things that are bugging you most/happening most. Get your dh on board and then try again. Fold the school subjects back in.

 

But you've got to find a way to have a day or 2 each month to yourself! You're not being selfish, you're not abandoning anyone or anything, and don't listen to the mom who is eager to tell you that, "My word, I *never* needed any time alone from my children!" Gag me with a "trophy mom" because she hasn't lived your life. So there!

[silvermine]

Like others said, I think you need two things:

 

1) Short term -- you need a break. Get a babysitter or a maid or do *something* to destress, because the next part is hard.

 

2) I'd stop *all* school stuff until the kids learn how to do their chores. And make them do it. It's very hard to train this, but it's *very* worth it. And with all these years of not doing it, it'll be a *ton* of work. You need to know what you can hold over each one of them to make them do what you want. No, it's not fun. But ignoring it won't help -- they'll grow up into people who don't know how to clean or cook or do anything to take care of themselves.

 

The 14 year old should be capable of any chore in the house that a grown up can do, pretty much. I even put my 3 year old to work. ;) She can pick up toys, empty the dishwasher (stuff she can reach), put clean trashbags in the trash can, carry groceries down to the garage, hand things to me so I don't have to reach over to pick them up (like cans for the pantry, laundry for me to fold, etc.).

 

GOOD LUCK!

[sunshine]

:grouphug: Teenagers, prehormonal kids and toddlers are alot to handle at the same time. Bless you. You do need a break. If math doesn't get done today, don't worry, my ds18 missed all of 10th grade math and it didn't affect him at all getting accepted multiple colleges.

 

Great advice here. I suggest a book, (like you have time to read:tongue_smilie:) if you are so inclined. It is called Keeping Your Children's Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell.

 

But I would also get rid of all electronics. Password protect the computer and lock up the video games until a long car ride. Use them for your moments of peace only. NOT for their entertainment.

 

Then divide up the chores. 14 yr old should be: taking out entire house of trash daily and as needed. Cleaning his and other siblings bathrooms with the help of 8 yr old. They should do it together to foster a relationship. Mowing the yard, raking, shoveling whatever your climate gives you should be their chores too. ALL kids above 6 can pick up yard debris

 

Above age 9 can empty dishwasher and clean countertops, put up groceries, and clean up after meals.

 

I told my kids about 2 years ago that I was sorry that I had not trained them properly and that to make up for it I was going to be a better mother: here's your chore list. This is how you do it and I am going to be so proud of you.

 

Yes you have to remind them. All the time. But then, occasionally, they just do it. and Angels sing......

 

As for the sleeping late, well, a cold wash cloth with me singing Good Morning Sunshine at the top of my lungs and lavishing my teen with kisses and a few siblings bouncing on him does a good job. I have even sang Bruce Springsteen, Halleujah Chorus, Jingle Bells etc,...

And a cup of hot chocolate, ice tea, coffee, whatever he likes in my hand and a smile on my face helps the grumpies that teens wake with. It works for us. We are night owls and around 10 I have to do the wake up call.

[Researcher]

So much great advice has been given and I really wish I would have had these ladies tell me the same things several months ago.

 

I was totally burned out (two twice gifted kids, a DH with long work hrs and travel, no family nearby - well, you get the picture) and I could not see light at the end of the tunnel. All I could think of was that I really needed a break and the only thing I could come up with was to send them to school.

 

In our experience, it was a big mistake that blew up in our face. We had all of the issues listed above and then some. DS was so unhappy and we noticed his natural love of learning was starting to disappear. :( We pulled him out within a few months of starting and have not looked back.

 

The experience has given me a new perspective and I am no longer so hard on myself. I realize now that we can take breaks whenever we need them and I'm going to do my best to not feel any guilt over it. The kids are learning to do more chores around the house. It may not be the way I would clean it and it may take them 30 minutes to do a 2 min job, but they are learning how to do it and it will improve with practice.

 

:grouphug:

[melmichigan]

I am in a similar situation, although I am depressed. I am trying to work on myself first and my family second. We are taking a "break" right now from anything but the basics and working on life skills. You will notice on another post I just started chorepacks in an effort to have my DC help me get the work done.

 

I am not an island and I can't do it all.

 

This was a much needed realization and now I must work to instigate change. It will get better. Two of my DC receive services from the PS and my oldest DD attends for ELA right now, PS does have it's own problems. I am hoping to have things worked out to bring my oldest home full time for spring semester.

 

You have already gotten much wonderful advice. We have all questioned ourselves at some point. Please make the time to take care of yourself, and then your family. :grouphug:

[Peela]

I agree with everyone else to a point....but honestly, if I didnt have much support from dh and I had 6 kids, and everything was on top of me and out of control and I hadn't already found a way to manage it.....unless the local schools were horrific, I might use it as an at least temporary measure to give myself a break and get back on top of things. Even to the point of putting toddlers in daycare so I could get some alone time. In past generations extended families would give mothers like the OP a break when needed. I don't think we are meant to do all this alone.

I know a woman with 6 kids who year after year would do very little schoolwork with her kids because her life rolled from mini crisis to mini crisis, and she would share with us mums about it and we would commiserate...and assure her her kids would still get a good education...but after years of it, we realised they wouldn't and honestly felt they would be better in school.

I do think....if your (especially older) kids are not getting a reasonable education at home for more than 6 months or so....they might be better off at school.

It is possible to turn around and change it all, discipline them, bring order and routine to your life..but it takes a lot of inner strength, and if you just dont have that right now, be honest with yourself about that and do what you need to do. There are worse things than school for kids, honestly.

No, school wont solve all the problems, but you will get some breathing space to sort yourself out.

Edited December 1, 2009 by Peela

[MamaBirdX7]

I do have 6 kids too and they went to school for a semester.

 

I felt like I never saw them. After school was sports, ballet, homework times 4 children, occasionally dinner. And then the getting up early in the morning. And while I didn't at that time ask my olders to watch my then infant and 3 year old, I didn't realize how entertained the babies were just by having the other kids around.

 

My plan was to clean up the house and pack and sort to move while the kids were at school. I didn't get anything done.

 

What about a babysitter one day a week?

 

One thing, ditch school until after Christmas. Christmas is a lot of work. What is the point of having Christmas break AFTER Christmas when all the work is before Christmas. Focus on getting things cleaned, sorted, donated. Start the first few days getting yourself up at a certain time, than when you can swing that, get the kids up at a certain time and then clean for a few hours and then HAVE FUN TOGETHER FOR A FEW HOURS. And maybe some screen time.

 

Alternate between big kid fun and little kid fun.

 

Be silly. Make memories. Love your children. Those are things *I* need to work on, too!

Edited December 1, 2009 by ceecee75
Edited because I accidentally posted the reply before I was finished composing.

[MIch elle]

I saw the writing on the wall and off he happily went to private high school after homeschooled K-8. No more fighting to get his work done. The POSITIVE peer pressure from school was what he needed. He was a new kid in school - highly motivated and happy.

 

DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOUR FAMILY!

[lovetobehome]

Just thought I would revive this thread, perhaps those of you who posted awhile back can share how things are looking now for your families?

[catz]

n/t

[JulieH]

well...obviously I'm a homeschooling fan and am getting back into it. But, I homeschooled my oldest dd for 7 years and then had the two babies. I was fit to be tied.

 

I enrolled dd in Christan school in grade 8, and when we moved to NH I put both little ones in Montessori.

 

I dropped them off the first day, knowing I didn't have to pick them up until 3:30. Other parents were crying and taking pictures waaa waaa.

 

I hugged and kissed them, drove off, and was like "yaaaaahooooooooooo!!!" I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

 

I came home, sat in my recliner and had utter PEACE AND QUIET.

 

I won't lie..I've enjoyed it and yes, I'm going to miss my "freedom".

 

Did it bring me happiness? Not really. Did it bring me some sanity for a while? ABSOLUTELY! (I did have other circumstances going on in my life and this was a necessary step for us to get other things under control)

 

"If mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy" and you've GOT to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your kids.

[ClassicMom]

My older kids went to PS up until my oldest was entering 7th and it didn't make life easier. I found it more hectic. We were up by 6 to get everyone ready, fed and out the door. Then they are home by 3:30 PM and they all wanted mom time, all wanted food, then they all had home work, dinner, sports/activities etc. I used to dread 3:30 PM.

 

Maybe it's time for a break. Put the books away for a few weeks and work on getting everyone, 14 yo incuded, on a schedule. Get those kids helping with chores. Work on any discipline issues. Then get the books back out and ease back into things. Start with the core subjects then add in the things you consider extra.

 

I would also consider having your 8 year old evaluated for a learning disability and go from there.

 

:iagree: