Conservative Dressing, Working Mamas...Help?

[mommaduck]

I went shopping for clothes today. Granted, it didn't help having hubby and 7 kids in tow. Every time I backed up, I ran into someone. Stores aren't roomy, even at the mall. Hubby isn't helpful in the clothing dept. I went to try on an armful of outfits (I found an armful of tops, but only TWO skirts! ugh!). I got in the dressing room and about broke out in tears. The mirror in there was so unforgiving. I looked FAT. I did not know that my mama-jelly belly had fallen. I'm 5'6" and 170lbs...and yes, I've tried losing weight. In fact, I don't eat much at all. And when I excercise, the fat turns to muscle and no weight is lost. And my stomach is hopeless. There is no tightening it. I can't do sit ups due to my back and neck. I'd bicycle if it wasn't so dang cold and I actually had time to myself. Everything is made for these cute, skinny 20 somethings. I'm not even sure what looks good on me anymore...so maybe what I'm looking at is all wrong, because I'm still thinking about what I would have worn. I've dressed frumpy for quite a few years and need that to change.

 

So where do you shop for decent, modest, but good for the office type clothing (think a law firm when I say "office"). Oh, and not expensive. I need to pull 4-6 outfits out of $200.

[TammyinTN]

Honestly I get tons of stuff from Lands End overstocks. Good quality and affordable. It holds up very well and is modest. Good luck...I've been there.:001_smile:

[mommaduck]

I think I need a store I can actually walk into and try clothes on. What looks good on a skinny model doesn't mean it'll look good on me, kwim?

[momto2Cs]

I'm 5'6" and 170lbs...and yes, I've tried losing weight. In fact, I don't eat much at all.

 

I don't have advice on the clothes, sorry, but a big part of your body's resistance to losing weight could be that you are not eating enough. You're likely sending your body into starvation mode, so it is hanging onto every single thing you give it. Maybe try eating small meals on a regular basis?

[mommaduck]

I don't have advice on the clothes, sorry, but a big part of your body's resistance to losing weight could be that you are not eating enough. You're likely sending your body into starvation mode, so it is hanging onto every single thing you give it. Maybe try eating small meals on a regular basis?

I've tried that. I don't have time and I'm not hungry. Either way, I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing either. It doesn't go anywhere. I do appreciate the advice, but nothing I've done works. This is a really hard thing for me. I just want clothes that look nice.

Edited November 21, 2009 by mommaduck

[Carol in Cal.]

When I was out on maternity leave, lo these many years ago, I researched thrift stores. I found out that locally there is just one that receives all the donation trucks from Salvation Army, and that they skim all the best things and put them in a corner of that specific shop; not sending them out to other shops at all. So for collectibles, designer clothes, good business clothes, complete sets of China, furs, wedding dresses, formals, and perfect dress shoes, I started to head there.

 

I purchased an entire business wardrobe there for about $150. It included a 2 piece suit, 2 other dress jackets, a black pencil skirt, and at least 3 nice blouses--all in very good shape from good brands.

 

I would have shopped there sooner, but I didn't know about it. When I was working I didn't have time to chase down those kinds of things.

[Marylou]

Google Christopher & Banks

 

C J Banks

[LizzyBee]

I go to places like Talbot's, Macy's, Hecht's (does that even exist still?), and Dillards and shop the sale racks. If they're having a good sale, I can get clothes just as cheap as Target or Sears, and the clothes last much longer and fit better.

 

ETA: Ok, Talbot's is never as cheap as Target even on sale, but their clothes are always in style and they last practically forever. They're a good investment. I used to get a lot of clothes at JC Penney's, but their quality declined and I don't shop there for nice work clothes anymore. Best bargain I ever got was 5 nice outfits at Hecht's for $100.

Edited November 23, 2009 by LizzyBee

[Starr]

I think you were right about having the crowd with you. You need to go alone or with someone to keep you company that can be your runner. I find I have to try on many things to find what fits well. The sales racks at the better stores work better for me as well except I have to drive for a day to get there. I'm liking the idea of you trying Christopher Banks for business clothes.

[Ottakee]

What about Goodwill or an upscale resale shop? It may sound weird but often there are a lot of nice clothes there (pre shrunk as well). They might have 30 skirts in your size so you have a better chance of finding something than a mall where they might only have 5 modest options in your size.

 

Plan a time with a friend (or older child with fashion sense if you have one) and go looking.

 

I am a size 16/18 and clothes shopping is not fun but a lot of the times I have good luck at resale shops.

 

I also like Lands End, LL Bean and CJ Banks but I don't know what they all carry for "office" wear right now. I am more into the "barn" clothes styles.

[lionfamily1999]

I go to Cato for my nicer clothes. Around here they all seem to be next to a Walmart :001_huh:. Their prices are definitely comparable to Walmart, the clothes are nice and, ime, they wear well.

[mommaduck]

What about Goodwill or an upscale resale shop? It may sound weird but often there are a lot of nice clothes there (pre shrunk as well). They might have 30 skirts in your size so you have a better chance of finding something than a mall where they might only have 5 modest options in your size.

 

Plan a time with a friend (or older child with fashion sense if you have one) and go looking.

 

I am a size 16/18 and clothes shopping is not fun but a lot of the times I have good luck at resale shops.

 

I also like Lands End, LL Bean and CJ Banks but I don't know what they all carry for "office" wear right now. I am more into the "barn" clothes styles.

Unfortunately our SA's and Goodwills don't carry very nice stuff and the Goodwills try to put new prices on used items here.

[Pajama Mama]

I'm 5'6" and 170lbs...and yes, I've tried losing weight. In fact, I don't eat much at all.

 

Have you had your thyroid checked? I was dieting a couple years ago and gained 30 lbs in 5 months. I was hungry from not eating much and trying to be more active. I became so tired tha I didn't exercise much so I called the doctor. My thyroid was really out of whack which is why I kept gaining while dieting. I thought I'd mention the possibility.

[mommaduck]

Have you had your thyroid checked? I was dieting a couple years ago and gained 30 lbs in 5 months. I was hungry from not eating much and trying to be more active. I became so tired tha I didn't exercise much so I called the doctor. My thyroid was really out of whack which is why I kept gaining while dieting. I thought I'd mention the possibility.

It's been quite a few years since I've had it checked. Good point, I probably should have it checked, especially after all these babies.

[E_Edgerton]

Firstly, I feel you! Every woman does! Take a deep breath and realize that it is all about a good fit and a few classic pieces. Get some nice black dress pants...mid-rise, no pleats, straight leg, and be sure that they work with your pair of work dress shoes (flats or kitten heels) I think everyone should have a couple of nice crisp white button down oxford style shirts. You also must have a nice suit (slacks or a nice skirt)...preferably black or navy...maybe dark brown. A few cardigans in some of your favorite colors for a pop would be nice too. All these pieces could be purchased for a reasonable price at places like Lands End, Eddie Bauer, Old Navy, Gap, Sears, JC Penny, even Target has some great pieces. I would also look into going to a few higher end consignment shops, they have great work wear. Lastly, keep in mind that very few items fit perfectly off the rack...for very little money you could go to your local dry cleaner and have some tailoring done...which could save you a LOT of tears! Keep your chin up Mommaduck!:)

[Jenny in Atl]

Kohl's? They have a nice business section, and clothes for all sizes (both modest and not so-depending on your taste).

[G5052]

There are outlet store of both not too far from me. Last year a relative gave me about your amount to spend on work clothes, and I bought three jackets, four shirts, and two pairs of slacks from Coldwater Creek and JCP from sale items with online coupons and had enough for a necklace. Everything goes together.

[milovany]

I do find most of my clothes at Goodwill or Value Village (thrift stores), I hold out for NICE stuff and yes Goodwill charges too much but it's still less than new here.

 

Anyway, what I really wanted to say was when I go into a dressing room anymore I **do not** look into the mirror until the outfit is on!! And I don't knowingly try on anything that will likely be too small or too clingy. It. just. helps.

 

((((( Mommaduck )))))

[Arch at Home]

I personally like the mix and match of T's and button up long sleeve T's or cardigans. I really like Eddie Bauer's My Favorite T in a v-neck. They also have variety of sweaters that may work. I have had the most success on button-up long sleev T's for LL Bean. Remember with them if you get a credit card, shipping and return shipping is free. Sometimes it is easier to try on in your own home.

[elegantlion]

I would try TJMaxx/Marshall's or Ross clothing. Their prices and clearance are good. Their selection can hit or miss but they always have unique styles in decent quality. They have great prices on purses too.

[mommaduck]

I personally like the mix and match of T's and button up long sleeve T's or cardigans. I really like Eddie Bauer's My Favorite T in a v-neck. They also have variety of sweaters that may work. I have had the most success on button-up long sleev T's for LL Bean. Remember with them if you get a credit card, shipping and return shipping is free. Sometimes it is easier to try on in your own home.

I won't be able to wear a T in a law firm.

 

Uhm, I guess it wasn't picked up on, but part of my trouble finding clothes is the bottoms. I don't wear pants. Skirts are hard to come by in calf length (and for some weird reason diagonal plaids are "in" :glare: ) A lot of tops look great with pants, but they don't look so great with skirts, then you have to find the right style of skirt for the top. So I've wondered which I should shop for first, the top or the skirt? Dress Barn had some nice outfits this fall, but they are a bit pricy. Might see if they have anything on sale.

[CalicoKat]

Honestly I get tons of stuff from Lands End overstocks. Good quality and affordable. It holds up very well and is modest. Good luck...I've been there.:001_smile:

:iagree:they've even got a virtual dressing program so you get a better image of what it would look like on your body type.

 

I did this recently and it was wonderful.

[Kim in Appalachia]

Are the first 3 that come to mind. I was just in a Fashion Bug, looking for a skirt and noticed they cater (or at least the one near me did) to larger women. The styles were nice, conservative and complementing to a larger woman. My oldest needs those types of styles, and everything there looked nice on her.

 

Cato also has nice clothes and a decent price. They have very good sales. Kohl's can be hit or miss.

 

You can also do J Maxx or Marshall's, but I find it difficult to shop in that environment. :001_smile:

 

Don't give up, and try not to focus on your weight. Try and focus on things that will look nice on you. If you've never seen their site or watched their show, I recommend What Not to Wear. They have guidelines on their site for every body type. It can be helpful to know what to look for. We learned my oldest should never buy shirts with buttons down the front, unless she wants to have them tailored.:001_smile: And remember that you don't have to wear skirts. You can get nice slacks. They (Fashion Bug) had a lot of nice "trouser" style slacks that made my dd's legs look longer and played well off her larger upper body. She really wanted a skirt, but I think slacks can be nice. I noticed that shorter (at the knee) skirts looked better on her than longer. Also, don't forget shape wear to help make the styles fit better. I discovered shape wear after having my 5th child. I don't wear tight fitting clothes, but even the regular tops looked nicer, and so did the skirts and pants. The shape wear smoothers out all those bumps we get from having kids.;) You can even get decent shape wear at Walmart.

 

I also highly recommend going shopping without hubby and kids. Either go alone or take a friend who can help give you an honest opinion.

 

I am not a fan of shopping, but when I need something I try to consider it like a job that needs to be done well. I used to just grab stuff I kind of liked or I bought whatever was on sale. I've learned to be pickier. The clothes you wear can be important, this would be especially true for someone who worked outside the home. I don't work outside the home, but I started thinking I needed to be a better example to my girls. Your appearance matters, and you should give yourself a chance to look your best. You don't have to be a certain weight or body type to do that.

[gsanmb]

I dress very conservatively (always skirts below the knee, sleeves to the elbow or lower, necklines not below collarbone). I have great luck at www.sierratradingpost.com, www.jjill.com (they have brick and mortar stores, and always a good sale area even though their regular prices are kind of high), Lands End, LL Bean, and stuff on sale in dept. stores (Macys, JCPenney, Sears, Target). Also I do find nice things at Goodwill but you have to have time to root through the dreck. Also, lately Eddie Bauer (catalogue/online) has shown some nice conservative things, and they indicate the type of fit (relaxed, fitted, etc.) with some good sale prices. Also Hanna Andersson had some adult clothing, quite conservative, on sale.

 

Hope this helps!

[AuntieM]

I used to work with a gal that was always so nicely dressed, one day I complimented her on it. She just started laughing, and said, "I guess you haven't noticed that I wear the same black skirt three days a week!" It was true, I had never noticed. She just changed up her shirt/jacket/scarf/jewelry combinations and it always looked fresh.

 

So, based on that, I would make it my mission to find a black suit that I loved, with a skirt, slacks and jacket. Go for a classic style (ie, no weird sleeves or funky lapels) and know that it will be worth it to spend a few more dollars on it than you might on the rest of your wardrobe pieces. Get a lint roller to keep on hand and you will be set. If you really don't care for black, go for navy blue instead.

 

In addition to the above recommendations, I would look for your local Junior League resale shop, as well as those from other cultural organizations (ie the symphony, the opera, the ballet... these ladies hand down nice stuff!).

 

Kohl's and Steinmart are great places to find shirts and blouses on sale. I have had luck finding nice things at WalMart, too, it just takes a bit more scrutinizing. One or two inexpensive, "trendy" tops mixed in with other more traditional selections will help you feel and appear in style without your entire budget given to clothing that will be passe next season. Oh, I also like JC Penney's, they often have good selections and good sale prices.

 

I am often overwhelmed if I feel like I am starting from scratch when wardrobe shopping. I find it helps if I go through a few magazines, and catalogues from stores such as Chadwick's, J Jill, etc (you know what you like). Then as I shop I try to recreate the look for less. You can tear out and take pics with you. I have often pieced together outfits from the racks of Goodwill, I just had to know what I was looking for so I wouldn't get overwhelmed. I really try to shop with a mission.

 

Treat yourself to clothes shopping without kids. It is just not productive to have them tagging along.

 

As far as body issues, I know what you mean about the mama belly. Seems like nothing will ever fit properly again. But, you still can wear clothes that look nice! I have learned 2 things that really help. First, invest in the proper foundations. I won't say "girdle," that sounds old fashioned and overly binding, but I will say that good foundations can make even inexpensive clothes hang much more nicely. Gentle shapers help me feel much more trim. Second, buy the size you need to feel comfortable, regardless of what number is on the tag. I dreaded going up to a certain size, it was so depressing to think of it. But I've learned that clothes that fit well look much better on me than clothes that are the size I wish to wear.

 

Wow, I overloaded you, can you tell I have been through this dilemma recently? Anyway, HTH.:grouphug: Shopping is not my favorite thing!

[Blessedfamily]

Mommaduck,

 

What you need, besides this :grouphug:, is a good outlet store. I clean up at high-end sore outlets. Plus, the sizes run large, and you get a boost to your ego. :001_smile:

[stripe]

In addition to the great ideas listed, maybe try a store catering to plus sizes such as Lane Bryant or Dress Barn. Sears sells LL Bean too. Finding a couple nice, basic skirts would help you a lot. I spent two years alternating the same 3 or 4 skirts all winter long.

[Carol in Cal.]

I went to try on an armful of outfits (I found an armful of tops, but only TWO skirts! ugh!). I got in the dressing room and about broke out in tears. The mirror in there was so unforgiving. I looked FAT. I did not know that my mama-jelly belly had fallen. I'm 5'6" and 170lbs...and yes, I've tried losing weight. In fact, I don't eat much at all. And when I excercise, the fat turns to muscle and no weight is lost. And my stomach is hopeless. There is no tightening it. I can't do sit ups due to my back and neck. I'd bicycle if it wasn't so dang cold and I actually had time to myself. Everything is made for these cute, skinny 20 somethings. I'm not even sure what looks good on me anymore...so maybe what I'm looking at is all wrong, because I'm still thinking about what I would have worn. I've dressed frumpy for quite a few years and need that to change.

 

So where do you shop for decent, modest, but good for the office type clothing (think a law firm when I say "office"). Oh, and not expensive. I need to pull 4-6 outfits out of $200.

 

I am shorter and heavier than you. (And I only have given birth ONCE. And, yes, I used to be extremely thin, and now I can't seem to shake an oz except when extremely stressed.)

 

I have a professional job, and I need to look pulled together and authoritative and professional whenever I am 'on'. I have several longish knit skirts from CABI that I wear a lot--one is navy blue, one is black, and one is dark brown. They have elastic waists that don't look like elastic at all, but are very forgiving around lunchtime, LOL, and they are washable which saves a great deal on dry cleaning costs. Since they are so long, I can get away with wearing knee high hose with them with pumps--low or high heeled. Best of all, I got all but one on Ebay for far less than retail. I wear them with jewel neck tops/blouses and jackets. They are what I wear most of the time.

 

I always have one 'go to' matched suit in my wardrobe, for the uber professional days. I tend to replace those about every 3 years--I wear the same one a lot and really wear it out. I also use the suit pieces as separates from time to time. Since I meet with different people on different days, I tend to change my top every day but wear skirts and jackets 3-4 times before cleaning them, and I often wear them several times in a row (on the theory that then I get them good and worn, and then clean them. I can't afford to accidentally end up with nothing completely clean to wear on any given day.) For that 'go to' suit I watch the Encore department at Nordstrom, which is the plus size area at that store. I usually can find a suit on sale there, but I have been known to pay full price for this, because I cannot afford not to have one suit like that--it must be charcoal, black, dark gray, or navy blue--a true power suit.

 

Recently I visited the Encore department and found a straight black skirt with a back kick pleat, just below knee length, in my size, on sale for $24. I was thrilled and snapped that right up!

 

I don't really like to shop, but I make myself check out those Encore sales so that I can find those kinds of bargains. I stick with very dark skirts and pants (those are the most slimming), and a variety of tops; and then the jacket is what makes the whole outfit look professional.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Carol in Cal.

[mommaduck]

Thanks ya'll :) I did go to the outlets yesterday after church. Dress Barn was slim on long skirts, and they were all black (I now have 3 good black skirts LOL!)...still bought one anyhow. Then went through an armload of different types of tops, since I don't know what looks good on me anymore. Found two good choices and a sweater near identical to one I used to own...yes, still looked good and made me look like I actually have a waist. Seems like there's just a lot of dressing room trial and errors to go through. I left hubby and kids and went by myself also. I love shopping with them, just not when I'm shopping for myself or having to try on clothes. So over all, I came out with 5 pieces of mixable clothing for $110. I'm going to check out a few other stores mentioned on here.

 

And thank you for mentioning the woman with the black skirt. I've always been afraid ppl would notice if I did that.

[plansrme]

I am an attorney and am in and out of law firms all the time, and there are many more women wearing pants than skirts.

 

I agree with the posters who have suggested adopting a uniform--black skirt or pants, mixed with a variety of tops. No one will notice.

 

Terri

[mommaduck]

I am an attorney and am in and out of law firms all the time, and there are many more women wearing pants than skirts.

 

I agree with the posters who have suggested adopting a uniform--black skirt or pants, mixed with a variety of tops. No one will notice.

 

Terri

I don't wear pants. Others may, but I don't.

[Macrina]

I make all my skirts b/c they are so hard to find for a decent price. I learned to sew simply in order to make skirts. The long wrap around ones are easiest. Tops are easier to find in stores, Walmart most cheaply.

[Garga]

Since you don't wear pants, and since skirts have to be so carefully matched up to tops, you might want to consider dresses. They make it sooo easy to get dressed in the morning.

 

For some reason stores don't sell as many dresses in the winter. They seem to sell more pant/shirt combos. (I guess they think people will be too cold for dresses.)

 

So, you might have to wait to do this (unless you find a bunch of dresses) but here's an idea for later:

 

In the spring, when the dresses are out, take a black cardigan/sweater and a fitted jacket with you when you try on dresses to see if the dresses look good with a cardigan on top.

 

In spring/summer, wear the dresses w/o a cardigan. In the winter, wear the dresses with a cardigan/sweater/jacket. It's what I do for my church clothes.

 

Also! I just remembered, some dresses (like jumper-style dresses) look great with a short sleeve button down shirt underneath in the summer, and a long sleeve button down in the winter, with jacket.

 

P.S. Shopping takes hours. You have to try on armloads of stuff before you find things that fit. Even in the olden days when I was a size 2 with a flat tummy, it still took me a loooong time to find things that were completely flattering. There were a number of times that I was in the stores for 3 hours and came home with nothing. And now that I have problem areas (tummy, thighs, etc.) it's even harder. Don't let it get you down if you have to try on a ton of stuff. Everyone does, if they are really serious about finding things that look most flattering.

 

P.P.S Don't ever take the family with you!!! It's boring to watch other people shop. Just go alone.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Garga