Is it normal for boys to play soldier?

[tdeveson]

We had a small party (six children ages 9-11) at my house last night. The kids played legos, ate pizza, spent a couple of hours in the pool, and played war games -- both boys and girls.

 

This afternoon I got an email from a good friend who was appalled that the kids had pointed a (plastic) gun at her son. She vented for five or six rambling paragraphs about how she loathes guns and how her son had nightmares for days after last time they played here. In the middle of all of this, her son had a meltdown while everyone else was in the pool. He did not want to go in the pool.

 

Her son is atypical -- on the Asperger spectrum, but not autistic. He has to be prompted to greet people and to look at them when he greets or speaks to them. He did not go in the pool with the children -- all he wanted to do was play with his DS and when his mother forbade it he had a giant meltdown. She hovers over him constantly and feeds his anxiety. She constantly mediates his environment, which I consider crippling, but I've never had to deal with an atypical child like this. The constant hovering and mediating is annoying to say the least -- it's everyone else's fault when her son is upset.

 

She now wants us to draw up "rules" for joint activities that forbid the children to play war games when they meet. She is afraid that the children will not be able to tell play time from real time and that they will actually kill each other or someone else. I have to disagree. My ds is 10 -- has been playing with toy guns since he was 6 or 7 and had never attempted to murder anyone. He is sweet, nurturing, and compassionate. He adores his dogs, treats them like his babies. And he likes to put on camo and go in the bushes with a plastic gun and a couple of buddies.

 

How would you handle this? I'm not going to have a "no war games" rule in my house. Nobody else was upset except her child. All the other children were running around the back yard screeching with happiness. I love my friend and I understand that she is dealing with limitations and circumstances I never have had to deal with. At the same time, I'm not planning to make my son and everyone else's kids conform to a set of rules designed to accommodate her son.

 

Please help. Give me some insights. I can use your advise.

 

Thanks.

[myfunnybunch]

It is normal for boys to play soldier. And girls, for that matter, lol. My sister and I played army when we were little.

 

And many families feel the way your friend feels about playing games that involve play shooting and killing. They vehemently discourage that kind of play for philosophical reasons.

 

It sounds to me like an "agree to disagree" kind of situation. Children with autism spectrum disorders like Asperger's syndrome are often very literal, and can be very rule-bound. If this child is sensitive and his family rules include "No gun play" then the game may very well have been quite disturbing for her child. I have a child with autism, and I can tell you that my attempts to help her regulate herself in stimulating social situations probably looked a lot like hovering, because it would be with a typical child. I will say, however, I never blamed others for difficult social situations or expected children to completely change their play. And in retrospect, having kind, compassionate and inclusive friends has made a world of difference in my daughter's life and social abilities. (I'm not saying that you're not kind, compassionate and inclusive, by the way. Just looking back at ways that we've been blessed in our life.)

 

We have friends who choose not to allow what they consider violent play. My kids know that we don't play soldiers with that family because we want to be respectful of their beliefs, and they choose to play other games. I do believe that drawing up rules for the group to accommodate one child's needs seems extreme. But some compromise and compassion might be in order. :-) In your shoes, for individual play time with just this child I'd ask my kids to respect his and his family's beliefs regarding gun play. There are so many other choices for play. And for group activities and get-togethers I'd probably ask the children to do what I'd ask of the children anyway--if there is a game that one or two people can't or don't care to play, enjoy your game and after a while switch to an activity that's more inclusive.

 

Maybe the boy's mother could suggest some fun organized games or activities that he enjoys and then lead one or two group games. It would draw her son and the other children into a mutual activity that everyone can enjoy. Then they could go back to whatever play they all want to create together and her son can choose to join in or not.

 

I think it's wonderful that you're a) not wracked with guilt by the other mom's assertions and bending over backward to make what feels to you to be unreasonable accommodations and b) still looking for good way to make the get-togethers work. So many people would just shrug and write this family off. :-)

 

cat

[Julie in Austin]

I would send her an email that did the following:

 

--thanked her for expressing her concerns

--said that you understand that she has a difficult situation

--acknowledged that she has to parent in a way different than you do due to her son's unique needs

--stated that war games are permitted in your home and that you understand, although you are sad about it, if she chooses not to come over in the future

[radiobrain]

oops brain freeze

Edited September 2, 2009 by radiobrain

[Sonshine]

Wow - I think she is being very unreasonable. If you don't allow toy guns, boys will make guns out of materials such as sticks or legos. I can see that this might be an issue for her son because of his diagnosis and/or his mother's paranoia, but for most boys they will play soldiers on their own and with pretend weapons of some type.

 

Out of kindness and love I would consider accomodating her request for her and her son's sake, but at a time, place, and circumstance convenient for me.

[Janet in WA]

If you don't provide a little boy with a toy gun, he'll make one out of Legos. It's just their nature. We learned that with our oldest son, and our younger sons benefited from the chill-pill we took before they came along.

 

We had friends with 3 sons whose mother forbade them from owning toy weapons. When they visited our home, they didn't even take time to say hello before they RACED to our sons' toy box to retrieve the toy guns. Our sons were bored with those toys, but the boys who never got to play with them were OBSESSED with them. Go figure.

 

As far as your uptight friend is concerned: I learned how to handle this years ago from an older, wiser mom. She used to warn other parents that when their children came to her home, they would be allowed to climb trees and play with toy guns, etc. Anyone who didn't want their children to engage in those activities shouldn't send them to her home to play.

Edited September 2, 2009 by Janet in WA

[Mommyof4ks]

Boys make guns out of everything, so what happens when one of the boys uses their fingers like a gun and pretends to shoot people. They will start running around playing and without thinking start in with the gun noises, it happens. Personally I would limit contact to times when it is just her son and your son playing board games or whatever. It is hard when you are friends with the mom instead of just the kids being friends, but she is being unreasonable IMO and she really cannot expect you to change your rules in a group setting to accommodate her son. I know what it is like to have a kid that is 'different' and requires accommodations, but I try to keep my son out of things that are not good for him rather than having others change to meet his needs. It is the society that we live in though *sigh*. Others expect us to bow to their kids.

 

My 4 yr old is making bombs out of legos as I type lol.

[bettyandbob]

Boys play soldier, even atypical boys. My oldest is pretty atypical. No toy gun was ever purchased for him to play with. He made them out of legos. He wanted guns and dealt with my ban on them. I didn't stop him. It really sounds like the mom is not facing the reality of exactly what her son's issues are. If I encountered activities that were pretty standard, but my ds couldn't handle them we didn't go or I worked on coaching him on how to handle the encounter prior to attending. Sometimes I did hover, but mostly I strived to watch closely from the side and figure out from there if we needed a quick exit. My ds did not have a handheld game until he was 13. I knew when he was young, it would be addictive and socially isolate him further. If he took something to an event with which to entertain himself it was a book and only if the event were so adult oriented that any child would have trouble. We didn't bring our own entertainment to parties. You are supposed to participate in a party. Now, you may not have the capacity to participate for more than an hour and may need to take a break in the middle to get away from stimulation. This is where the observant parent steps in and says before the party "we are only staying until 3" or other decision. I wanted my ds to learn how to appropriately deal with normal interactions, not to change normal interactions to fit my ds.

[keptwoman]

If you don't provide a little boy with a toy gun, he'll make one out of Legos. It's just their nature. We learned that with our oldest son, and our younger sons benefited from the chill-pill we took before they came along.

 

We had friends with 3 sons whose mother forbade them from owning toy weapons. When they visited our home, they didn't even take time to say hello before they RACED to our sons' toy box to retrieve the toy guns. Our sons were bored with those toys, but the boys who never got to play with them were OBSESSED with them. Go figure.

I took that chill pill too :lol: It was a tough chillpill to swallow but I swallowed it whole. Except that we were like the parents you mentioned and when visiting houses where gun play was allowed the boys were just as you described... obsessed to the exclusion of all else, and much more so than the friends they were visiting. It was a lightbulb moment for me. Now we have toy guns they get ignored a large amount of the time.

 

I would send her an email that did the following:

 

--thanked her for expressing her concerns

--said that you understand that she has a difficult situation

--acknowledged that she has to parent in a way different than you do due to her son's unique needs

--stated that war games are permitted in your home and that you understand, although you are sad about it, if she chooses not to come over in the future

Yes I agree. I'd be prepared to speak to my own children about considering their friends and perhaps playing something else when that particular child is visiting. But with a big group of kids, no way can I imagine managing to enforce that!

Edited September 2, 2009 by keptwoman

[Alice]

I agree that it's normal. My 2 year old pointed a pencil at me soon after he turned two and said "Shoot you". That may have been his first sentence now that I think about it. :) My two boys pretty much play with some kind of weapons/fighting all day long. Their world is all about battling the "bad guys" and it's how they engage in imaginative play...they play Star Wars and pirates and Swiss Family Robinson and police and spys etc. Most of it involves shooting imaginary people or sometimes I'm the bad guy and they tell me they got me. I'm in the it's normal and fine camp.

 

That said, I think Cat gave you good advice. If this is a good friend I think it would be kind to try and accomodate her and her son when it is a private playdate or if the family is over at your house and your kids are the only ones there. Your son is probably old enough to understand that what he's doing isn't wrong but that it is hard for this boy and so if he is over that he needs to find another way to play. And I think that it's also ok to say to the Mom that if it's a party or a large group of boys that it's likely this kind of play will happen and that you are ok with it. You can try and find a reasonable way to show kindness to them in their tough situation but also not completely change your rules.

[elegantlion]

My ds is 11 and we didn't allow guns until he was about 8. He made them anyway. I had toys guns as a child, so it's not necessarily just a boy thing.

 

I agree about trying to make accommodations during private play time. My son and I have had many conversation about appropriate play with certain people. I always try to gauge where the parents are especially if it's one on one time.

 

However, in a group setting I can see it being much harder to enforce.

[Janet in WA]

 

I had toys guns as a child, so it's not necessarily just a boy thing.

That is so true. I remember as a child loving to visit family friends who had a son my age. I spent all my time playing with his GI Joe collection. My mother wouldn't allow my sister and me to have "boy" toys. Not even a Ken doll or a race track. She said it wasn't ladylike.

[lighthouseacademy]

And my boy plays lightsabers and is constantly "shooting" the cars that pass us on the freeway! Any stick will be used to shoot. My rule is not in the house and not AT people. They will still play though!

[Dirtroad]

I would send her an email that did the following:

 

--thanked her for expressing her concerns

--said that you understand that she has a difficult situation

--acknowledged that she has to parent in a way different than you do due to her son's unique needs

--stated that war games are permitted in your home and that you understand, although you are sad about it, if she chooses not to come over in the future

 

:iagree: IT is so normal. If her son has special issues, it is her job to monitor his environment & situations... not the rest of the community or her hostess.

Edited September 3, 2009 by Dirtroad

[abbeyej]

Sigh. Your poor friend. It sounds like she's having a really rough time. And maybe not getting any truly helpful guidance or support dealing with a kid who is, assuredly, a challenge to parent.

 

That said, I don't care for guns and have been basically successful in avoiding having toy guns in my house, and I agree with you completely that what the kids were doing sounds well within the bounds of appropriate kid behavior. And yes, neuro-typical children can *absolutely* recognize the difference between war games (with toy guns, swords, crossbows, spears, light sabers, etc, etc) and true violence.

 

I think maybe the best thing to do for your friend would be to let her know that you're sorry that her son was upset and/or frightened. I assume that that's true. Then tell her simply that while you don't think the kids did anything wrong in a holistic sense, you would be happy to talk to them specifically about not point guns *at*him* (and again, I think the ages of children you mentioned are perfectly capable of understanding the need to be compassionate towards children who are different, and able to control themselves enough to avoid pointing guns or other weapons at him).

 

I hope that your friend is able to find the support and guidance she needs. Parenting a kid like that is *tough*!

 

But I don't think you need to argue with her or take a stand either. Try to find ways that let her know you're willing to make some concessions for her son (like laying down the law that no one is to point toy weapons at him, and disciplining children who disobey), but that you are not willing to rearrange the world or restrict other children from playing basically safe, age-appropriate games simply because he's in the general vicinity.

[tdeveson]

Thank you for so many wise words. I particularly appreciate the different perspectives. I'd love to hear more opinions.

 

Thanks so much for your counsel.

Edited September 3, 2009 by tdeveson

[Laurie4b]

It is normal for boys to play soldier. And girls, for that matter, lol. My sister and I played army when we were little.

 

And many families feel the way your friend feels about playing games that involve play shooting and killing. They vehemently discourage that kind of play for philosophical reasons.

 

It sounds to me like an "agree to disagree" kind of situation. Children with autism spectrum disorders like Asperger's syndrome are often very literal, and can be very rule-bound. If this child is sensitive and his family rules include "No gun play" then the game may very well have been quite disturbing for her child. I have a child with autism, and I can tell you that my attempts to help her regulate herself in stimulating social situations probably looked a lot like hovering, because it would be with a typical child. I will say, however, I never blamed others for difficult social situations or expected children to completely change their play. And in retrospect, having kind, compassionate and inclusive friends has made a world of difference in my daughter's life and social abilities. (I'm not saying that you're not kind, compassionate and inclusive, by the way. Just looking back at ways that we've been blessed in our life.)

 

We have friends who choose not to allow what they consider violent play. My kids know that we don't play soldiers with that family because we want to be respectful of their beliefs, and they choose to play other games. I do believe that drawing up rules for the group to accommodate one child's needs seems extreme. But some compromise and compassion might be in order. :-) In your shoes, for individual play time with just this child I'd ask my kids to respect his and his family's beliefs regarding gun play. There are so many other choices for play. And for group activities and get-togethers I'd probably ask the children to do what I'd ask of the children anyway--if there is a game that one or two people can't or don't care to play, enjoy your game and after a while switch to an activity that's more inclusive.

 

Maybe the boy's mother could suggest some fun organized games or activities that he enjoys and then lead one or two group games. It would draw her son and the other children into a mutual activity that everyone can enjoy. Then they could go back to whatever play they all want to create together and her son can choose to join in or not.

 

I think it's wonderful that you're a) not wracked with guilt by the other mom's assertions and bending over backward to make what feels to you to be unreasonable accommodations and b) still looking for good way to make the get-togethers work. So many people would just shrug and write this family off. :-)

 

cat

 

:iagree: I agree, especially about the paragraph about Asperger's and that this probably upsets him because it's against their family's rules and rules are rules, from an Aspie pov.

 

Also, as an asied, what may look negative to you as far as her parenting goes may actually be what he needs.

 

I think agreeing to disagree about the impact of war games is a good strategy; it is so common a childhood pursuit, however, that she may want to teach her son a canned response to use when other children are playing.

 

I hope you will continue to include this child in your family's social activities--it is so good for him, even if it presents some challenges to you.

[Remudamom]

What a nutjob. I'd personally tell her to kiss it.

[Dawn in OH]

While my children like to play soldiers, I am fortunate that their play has nothing to do with guns. My children are obsessed with Knights, swords, shields, helmets, daggers and horses.

 

This may have something to do with how we have raised them, basically in their movie viewing habits. The children rarely watch a movie that involves guns. They have had very little exposure to guns, probably only seeing guns in Star Wars. We are more of a Lord of the Rings and Narnia type family.

 

My children also have little exposure to television.

 

We did have one friend who had a problem with swords, the child not the mother. She found them to be "upsetting". She's also a kid that is upset easily by winning and losing games, can't watch most children's movies because they are "too scary", and she's heavily babied by her mother. But even that girl eventually got over her sword issues and now it's usually the first game she asks to play when at our house. When she was at our house the other evening I actually had to have a talk with her about being too rough with the swords especially towards my son.

[Snickerdoodle]

*

[katilac]

I wouldn't restrict the war play, and I actually wouldn't even make it a rule that no one is to point a gun at him. I'd certainly ask it of the children, but making it a rule, imo, is going to lead to endless rounds of 'he pointed his gun at me/did not/did so.'

 

My choice would probably be to have him over by himself, rather than in groups. If just one child is visiting, it's more reasonable to ask your kids to skip the one or two activities that he dislikes.

 

As far as his mom goes, she needs to learn that other people will more willingly accomodate her son if she asks for help, rather than pointing fingers and blaming others. "How dare you let your kids play thus-and-so" merely ticks me off, whereas "I know I shouldn't ask this of you, but -" has me willing to listen.

[WiseOwlKnits]

We don't guns (plastic or otherwise) in our home. If the kids want to make guns out of Legos, a stick, or whatever else, then I allow it. My DS has even been known to use his sister's princess tiara as a gun to run around and "pow! pow!" But having an item in the house to "play" with whose sole purpose is to cause injury and death to another person/animal isn't my cup of tea.

 

Having said that, we have friends who allow guns and intricate (for lack of a better word) war games. I've never asked friends not to play those games. I have (once) re-directed my own kids and gotten them interested in something else when I felt it was getting a little rough. But the majority of the time I just let them play and then remind them after we leave not to ask me for a toy gun and why.

 

There is something to be said for being a gracious host. But there's also something to be said for being a gracious visitor.

[happi duck]

Before I was a parent my young nephew ran in the room with a toy gun, looked me in the eye and "shot" me. I thought to myself "he just pretended to kill me". That bothered me a lot.

 

We decided not to buy toy guns for our kids when they were little. Our kids never made their own play guns or cared about the play guns at other homes.

 

For some families guns really are not a fact-of-life and therefore gun play is avoidable.

 

It seems like a game of war could easily be a game of tag, capture the flag or other game of that sort.

[Peela]

My son picked up sticks to shoot with before he could even walk. I was against toy guns but dh just bought them anyway. Not a big deal- well, not a big deal unless I stood between ds and the plastic toy gun he wanted- once he got it, it got played with a couple of times then never again. Still, at 13, he now makes pretty violent animations on pivot.

My SIL was just telling me her oldest plans to join the airforce despite the fact she tried to ban guns and violent play when he was little.

Your friend is off the mark, but perhaps he is an only child? Most parents seem to go through this one...we are idealistic at first, then surrender to the nature of boys and just love 'em as they are. Perhaps she doesn't have experience with other boys to get perspective.

Edited September 3, 2009 by Peela

[katemary63]

If you don't provide a little boy with a toy gun, he'll make one out of Legos. It's just their nature. We learned that with our oldest son, and our younger sons benefited from the chill-pill we took before they came along.

 

This was me! "NO WEAPONS OF VIOLENCE ALLOWED IN MY HOME!" That was before my son was born and made a gun out of EVERYTHING! I quickly matured and mellowed. He became a US Marine! I am so proud!

 

Yes, war games are normal and perfectly healthy. Little boys SHOULD want to "defend" things. They practice becoming heros!

 

( Not saying ALL. If your boy doesn't play like this - great too!)

[angela in ohio]

It is normal.

 

We do not allow any guns to be pointed at people, though, real or fake. It is a good habit for children to get into. Maybe this would be a compromise for her.

 

If not, I agree with Julie in Austin.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

We do not allow any guns to be pointed at people, though, real or fake.

 

 

We also have a no toy gun policy, and of course, our boys make guns out of anything remotely gun shaped. Our rule is they cannot point "guns" at people or animals. It mostly works.

 

My older ds is also bordering on Aspie, and has major meltdowns when things don't go according to what he thinks is the "right" way. For him, being around other kids has actually been helpful. He still gets upset, but instead of my intervening right away, he is learning how to deal get over it much more quickly. Maybe that other mom needs to loosen the reins a little.

 

I would respond to her as others have said, and if she doesn't feel comfortable with sending her son to your house, then she doesn't have to.

[Pajama Mama]

Before I had kids, I worked at a daycare. The daycare had a strict no play guns policy. Yeah right. These kids made guns out of legos, blocks as grenades, etc. We had to constantly redirect those children to play a different game.

 

When we first had ds12, I wasn't fond of guns. But dh is an ex-Marine so he's comfortable owning them. Ds12 is an aspie and he has always liked playing soldier. I mellowed out an let him have play guns. All the boys in the neighborhood run around playing army or secret agent.

 

A couple years ago, dh and ds12 were playing with ds's bb gun outside. Two of ds's friends came over and asked to play. Dh was hesitant but both boys said that they played with them and their parents didn't care. Dh is fanantical about safety with the bb gun. You must wear safety googles, no one around you, no horsing around, etc. The one mom showed up and was mad that her son was playing with the gun. She didn't speak to dh for months. She apologized when she realized that her son lied to my dh. She and her kids were over recently and said she liked dh showing the kids the bb guns. He gives them a lecture about gun safety. She realized that it didn't matter that *she* didn't like guns or allow them to play with toy guns. Her boys loved them from birth:D

 

Your friend is being unreasonable. I would never expect everyone else to conform to my wishes at someone else's house. Maybe you can make a separate visit for your friend and her son. If you had a bunch of kids and told them they couldn't play army because of one kid; they would probably be mad at that kid. That would certainly not help her son.

[AuntPol]

Mmm I wonder how this plays with other scenarios. We don't have anyone with "gun" issues however, we have many friends who have issues with magic, especially wizards and Harry Potter. We do try to accomodate them when they come to visit as our family has no issues with these things.

 

On the otherhand, I am constantly dismayed at how much people want to control what others do. I have a friend who took a photo of her pregnant belly off her wall because someone in our homeschool group was offended, seen cases where so and so is going to quit the drama club because a child wanted to do a Harry Potter monologue for his skit, people refusing to let kids play at houses where Harry Potter books are visible on the shelf (I have mine turned around so you can't see the name so not to offend certain people and keep all the Anne Rice books under the bed lol).

 

Of course, on the other other hand, we don't allow our children to read Twilight (based on age and maturity level -not a vampire thing) nor do we allow Wizards of Waverly Place (we feel Alex is a poor role model -nothing against Wizardry lol). My daughter has one friend who can't seem to do anything but talk about those topics which makes my daughter feel bad and causes stress in the parent/child relationship. I would like to ask the mother to remind her children that it's not polite to CONSTANTLY talk about things another child is not allowed to see/read. There are million other things they can talk about.

 

Parenting is not easy.

[tdeveson]

This was me! "NO WEAPONS OF VIOLENCE ALLOWED IN MY HOME!" That was before my son was born and made a gun out of EVERYTHING! I quickly matured and mellowed.

 

That was me too. My first was a daughter who played with dolls. She would have been allowed to play with trucks and airplanes if she'd wanted to, she just never did. She loved her Barbies. Seventeen years later, ds came along and everything changed. Now I understand that many, many little boys love to play defender, run around the yard, cape flowing, nerf gun in hand while his dogs play his troops. When he has the chance to play with another little boy or girl who is interested, he loves it.

 

My friend's fear that my son is going to turn into a deranged serial killer are unfounded in my opinion. When I was growing up, all little boys played cowboys and indians, they played with little plastic guns and swords, and asked for mom to make them capes and armor. All my male cousins turned out fine -- none of them are violent or mean. They're just sweet men, loving fathers.

 

I do understand that my friend is in the same spot I was in before ds was born. She's never been around a typical boy (her ds is very atypical).

 

I hate to lose a friend. I want to work around this, but I don't see taking ds's toy guns and nerf swords away so my friend will be happy. I'm kind of bummed.:sad:

[KathyBC]

My neighbour made this point: When our little girls (or boys) drop their dolls, we don't think, "OMG, she's going to grow up to be an abusive mother, she just threw her baby on the ground!"

 

Kids really are just kids, with no melodramatic subtext going on in their minds at all.

[tdeveson]

Thanks for all the good advise and encouragement. We'll see how this turns out.

[Crissy]

This was me! "NO WEAPONS OF VIOLENCE ALLOWED IN MY HOME!" That was before my son was born and made a gun out of EVERYTHING!

 

This is the rule in our home. It always has been and it will remain. My boys, however, haven't tried to make fake guns or swords out of Legos, food, their fingers or anything else. I don't know if they are abnormal in this regard, but it hasn't ever been a problem.

 

Still, I'd not expect anyone else to change their rules or parenting style to accommodate us. Some people have, putting away violent toys and games when they know my boys will be visiting, but mostly my boys just know to find something else to do if a difficult situation arises.

[Matryoshka]

This is the rule in our home. It always has been and it will remain. My boys, however, haven't tried to make fake guns or swords out of Legos, food, their fingers or anything else. I don't know if they are abnormal in this regard, but it hasn't ever been a problem.

 

 

I think it's partly just temperament. I have a good friend with two boys (and a girl) -the older boy never made a weapon out of anything, ever (he also had no interest in balls or trucks - more of a science geek), and my friend's house was totally weapon-free. The girl was in the middle (still no weapons :tongue_smilie:), then came the youngest. By the time he was walking, he needed an arsenal to go anywhere (well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but not by much...). He could recite the differences between a samurai sword and a scimitar. He was also into footballs and things with wheels (much to his dad's delight). It's hard to believe they're brothers!

 

The younger one is six now and it's actually calmed down a bit. He's still rough and tumble and will play light sabers with any boy (or girl) who wants to, but he's no longer completely obsessed with pirates and he also loves board games and can play quietly for hours at that.

 

I have three girls so this is all just from the standpoint of an anthropological observer. :D