Silverware!@#$@! rant

[Adrianne in TX]

I dont mean to be ungrateful but today is my birthday and for some reason my husband thought it was acceptable to buy me silverware for my birthday (not silver silverware, not a special pattern that I wanted-not that I have a "special" pattern) but everyday silverware. I have mentioned we need new/more silverware due to DD and DS-think the silverware may have made the way out to the backyard or garbage can or hidden in a room some where.

But cut me a break-SILVERWARE FOR A BIRTHDAY!!!

 

So a) do I go out to buy my own gifts and let him know he bought them for me

b) buy him a plunger for his next birthday

c) try to be gracious while wanting to melt them into tin soldiers with my own piercing glances.

 

Mind you I have gone over board with gifts for his birthday and fathers day- Guitar Hero World tour, shirts from Tommy Bahama, Box set of music by Dream Theater, Bill OReilly stuff......and last yr I spent mine alone (with DC) with no gifts because of health issues his dad in another city was having (and I was gracious and totally fine with it).

 

To his credit he did get me a walking skirt but then complained about the cost right when I opened it.

 

Go ahead and call me a whiney ungrateful one but it really bothers and hurts me when I have tried to do nice over the top things for him.

 

The whiney ungrateful suburban homeschool wife (and it is only 104 where I am right now!!!!)

 

WAHHHHHH

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

If it makes you feel any better, my step-father gave my mom pots & pans for Christmas one year. I thought they were great and didn't understand why she was CRYING...(I was 11).

 

My dh is not a very good shopper. I pick my own presents out and send him an email link to the website. A week or so, I ask him about it and if he's not bought it yet, we agree that I should order it. :001_smile: At least once a year I get EXACTLY what I want.

 

Can you return the silverware? I am guessing that you already have silverware. Tell him you have two sets and you really like the ones you already have. Thank him for the thought and see if you can get store credit and buy yourself something you really want. I don't think your dh would be offended.

 

K

[OnTheBrink]

Unless there's more going on than stated, I'd guess he honestly thought he was giving you something you want, because you'd said so often. So, in the future, you might have to give direct suggestions. "I would LOVE the pretty nighty on page 32 of the Pretty Nighty catalog for my birthday" with a sweet smile. Or, put a picture of whatever it is you'd like in his briefcase, OR make it the homepage of his computer! He wouldn't be able to miss that! LOL

 

Since my divorce, I've read a lot of books on how men think (because frankly, it's always been a mystery to me), and I have concluded that they don't to hints easily, so you have to be direct. It's not especially romantic, but chances are you'll avoid this problem in the future if you just make it plain what you want and like. And, when he does get you something you love, praise him like he's just created cold fusion. I hear men like that sort of thing. ;)

 

(and, I need silverware; if you don't like it, you can send it to me! LOL)

[Aubrey]

Can you do a combination of a & b? Until this yr, we've had similar problems here. Well...no silverware, but no gifts at all for some occasions because dh "couldn't find the right thing." (He didn't know what to look for & so didn't look.)

 

I was so worried about this yr. I try not to put much stock in things like this, but June was our 10th anniversary, & I just turned 30 last week. It came out ok, though.

 

What made this yr different? Don't laugh (or do), but I took a FB quiz that said gifts were my love language & LAUGHED hard, but dh took it seriously & has been bringing me gifts ever since. Real ones. Flowers for no reason, a necklace (a real one that he shopped around for) for our anniversary, etc.

 

The moral? FB rocks, & the quizzes there are really life-changing.

 

Another thing. You need to either return or give away the silverware dh bought you. NOW. For the sake of your marriage. Otherwise, every time you look at it, you'll remember & slowly want to kill him. (I'm guessing. ;))

 

Happy Birthday!

[Desert Rat]

I remember my mom being really mad about getting a weed wacker for Christmas one year. Now, after you stop laughing, my dear dad knew that my mom loved working in the yard and really thought she would like it. Ha! She didn't. He hasn't ever heard the end of it.

I have asked for and received for my birthday- bath towels, kitchen linens, sets of bowls and glasses. But, I think the difference is that I asked for these things. LOL

I would make a list, tongue in cheek, of the type of things you don't ever want to see on a special day and then make a list of some things you would like him to get.

FWIW, in the last few years my dh and I haven't given gifts for birthdays and Christmas. It's money we don't need to be spending and I'd rather have a nice time with family than a bauble. JMHO.

[swimmermom3]

:party:Happy Birthday! I am sorry about the silverware and the heat. Maybe he just thought he was solving a problem for you? I hope you have a good day anyway.

[Adrianne in TX]

FB= Facebook? I am not on it yet although I have been being heckled into it so just maybe I will have to join up,

[Chris in VA]

Sounds like you might have different love languages, and maybe different definitions of what "good birthday present" means.

He listened to you--you said you wanted new silverware, and he got it. That's got to count for something.

On the other hand, I know plenty of people, women in particular, ime, that want their significant others to know them so well they can get what they want without saying it. That is, I could hear you saying, "Yes, I mentioned the silverware, but he should know that's not a BIRTHDAY present kind of gift to me." So, maybe you are angry because he listened to your words, but not your heart.

 

I'd be gracious, accept the gift, and spend some time in the future (not the near future) explaining the type of gifts you find satisfying. Maybe as Christmas comes up, you could just have a little conversation over dinner about gift giving and love languages.

[Danestress]

I read your whole post thinking, "I don't get it. She said they need silverware. He was listening. How sweet."

 

But gifts are not my love language. I really hate "over the top" gifts and the expense involved. Something you sort of need but hate to buy (like everyday silverware) seems perfect to me. My DH is more of a "gifts" love language person, and to him, over the top is the best. I'm more an "acts of service" gal.

 

So remind yourself that gifts are just not how he shows his love and that to him, it would seem really petty and stupid to make a fuss about whether your birthday presented was "acceptable." What way does he show love? Telling you he loves you? Wanting you? Acts of service?

 

I'm not sure what you should actually do about it. If you can get him to understand that gifts really *mean* something to you, that would be good, but only if you can do it in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings. Having to give gifts stresses me out and I HATE the pressure to find an "acceptable" birthday present and also the pressure to tell him what I want for my birthday/Christmas, since I usually want something practical (like silverware!) and he doesn't think that household items like cut it.

[CalicoKat]

I dont mean to be ungrateful but today is my birthday and for some reason my husband thought it was acceptable to buy me silverware for my birthday (not silver silverware, not a special pattern that I wanted-not that I have a "special" pattern) but everyday silverware. I have mentioned we need new/more silverware due to DD and DS-think the silverware may have made the way out to the backyard or garbage can or hidden in a room some where.

But cut me a break-SILVERWARE FOR A BIRTHDAY!!!

 

So a) do I go out to buy my own gifts and let him know he bought them for me

b) buy him a plunger for his next birthday

c) try to be gracious while wanting to melt them into tin soldiers with my own piercing glances.

 

Mind you I have gone over board with gifts for his birthday and fathers day- Guitar Hero World tour, shirts from Tommy Bahama, Box set of music by Dream Theater, Bill OReilly stuff......and last yr I spent mine alone (with DC) with no gifts because of health issues his dad in another city was having (and I was gracious and totally fine with it).

 

To his credit he did get me a walking skirt but then complained about the cost right when I opened it.

 

Go ahead and call me a whiney ungrateful one but it really bothers and hurts me when I have tried to do nice over the top things for him.

 

The whiney ungrateful suburban homeschool wife (and it is only 104 where I am right now!!!!)

 

WAHHHHHH

DH put new tires on my car one birthday, or was it Christmas? :svengo:

[lionfamily1999]

One year my dh spent 6.25 in a quarter machine to get me a specific dragon fly ring that broke as soon as I opened the little plastic capsul... At first I wanted to strangle him, but then I realized the effort he put into it and I was touched. 6.25 for a dinky little quarter machine toy that broke, but it was clear that he went through all that because he loves me and wanted to make me happy.

 

That being said, I wonder how long your dh poured over the various boxes of silverwear trying to figure out which one you would like.

 

It's the thought that counts.

 

Finally, yeah, I'd be irritated too, at first... just remember he took note of what you said, he thought about you and your needs and wants. Ask him for a second present if you want, but tread carefully, making him repent having even tried, well, that would a lot worse.

[Impish]

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY :party:

I watched my parents go through this. The year my Dad gave my mother an extra long ice scraper in her Christmas stocking (and that was it) was probably the topper, as we all ducked when the aforementioned ice scraper was promptly turned into a javelin throwing spear and hurtled across the living room.

 

So, in the interest of peace on Earth, good will to men, and avoiding therapy bills for our children, I made the following instructions to my dh BEFORE we were married, when he asked if I had any gift shopping advice for him:

 

Unless specifically asked for it AS A GIFT, do not get me anything 'utility' for Christmas, Mother's Day, Anniversaries, or my birthday. 'Utility' encompasses anything that would be used to benefit the entire family, rather than specifically myself. Frying pans, irons, steam cleaners...if its something to help me take care of you guys, then its not a gift, any more than a box of new business cards would be a gift for you (dh was in sales at the time). Being at home is my *job* and I don't want anything job related as a gift.

 

I know that sounds cold, snarky, etc...heck, I kinda winced writing it, but I swear I did say these things. And the truth is, my dh has thanked me for it, because it gives him a mental checklist. He's told me that he wants me to be happy with what I am receiving.

[proverbs356lady]

Adrianne, I admit I had to laugh when I read your post. Not because you had a disappopinting birthday but because it sounded like the kind of gift my dad would give to my mom. He's so practical minded that one year he gave her an outdoor trash can for her birthday. He had the hardest time understanding why she was mad.

 

Anyhow, sorry your day wasn't what you had hoped. Here's wishing you a very Happy Birthday!!!

[Impish]

 

To his credit he did get me a walking skirt but then complained about the cost right when I opened it.

 

THAT would have ticked me off far more than the silverware.

[Danestress]

One of my fondest childhood memories was going shopping with my father and buying my mother a microwave oven for Christmas. I was SO excited.

 

Now as an adult, I know that she resented that present. We talked about it recently, and I didn't know that because she certainly didn't show it (or it was Christmas morning and I was too excited to notice her response). But of course that wasn't what she had in mind!

 

It's her birthday this week and my father has Alzheimer's. He doesn't get that it's her birthday and he is not well enough for me to take him shopping for her as I did at Christmas. I asked him if I could order flowers from him to her and he said that would be good, but I know he doesn't remember and will be confused when they arrive. Which is fine. I spent a fortune on beautiful flowers that I know she will like.

 

I hope you have a happy birthday anyway, and I think buying yourself something you love is a good idea if you can afford it!

[lionfamily1999]

if its something to help me take care of you guys, then its not a gift, any more than a box of new business cards would be a gift for you (dh was in sales at the time).

:lol: One of dh's favorite gifts from me was a set of business cards :lol:

[newbie]

I would be ticked too. The one time of year you can get something great, and its silverware.

 

I think the plunger is a great idea.

 

My problem is I expect too much from others. Than I end up crying, alone and sad. I am trying to learn how to lower my expectations and the last couple yrs., Expect nothing.

 

Btw, Happy Birthday. Hope things turn around. Hey , if it makes you feel better, my best gift for Mothers Day was a post it note from dd, that said Happy Mothers Day.

[Aubrey]

I read your whole post thinking, "I don't get it. She said they need silverware. He was listening. How sweet."

 

But gifts are not my love language. I really hate "over the top" gifts and the expense involved. Something you sort of need but hate to buy (like everyday silverware) seems perfect to me. My DH is more of a "gifts" love language person, and to him, over the top is the best. I'm more an "acts of service" gal.

 

So remind yourself that gifts are just not how he shows his love and that to him, it would seem really petty and stupid to make a fuss about whether your birthday presented was "acceptable." What way does he show love? Telling you he loves you? Wanting you? Acts of service?

 

I'm not sure what you should actually do about it. If you can get him to understand that gifts really *mean* something to you, that would be good, but only if you can do it in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings. Having to give gifts stresses me out and I HATE the pressure to find an "acceptable" birthday present and also the pressure to tell him what I want for my birthday/Christmas, since I usually want something practical (like silverware!) and he doesn't think that household items like cut it.

 

This is complicated. I grew up really poor, & I've spent most gift-giving holidays (until the last couple of yrs) being so disappointed in the $ people wasted on things I didn't need (& didn't really want).

 

It's only been in feeling safe & secure that I've been able to appreciate things like flowers. (Dad spent $75 on flowers back when that was a bunch of $ & the electric co was threatening to turn off the lights.) BUT since material needs have been consistently met...I've been surprised to find that things like flowers & jewelry (things I thought I hated) are very meaningful to me.

 

That's why the FB quiz was really funny. (Yes, FB=facebook.) I laughed, but dh got really quiet. He said, "Wow. I bet that's true, because you put so much thought into other people's gifts. That makes it so much worse that I've done such a bad job in the gift-giving department." What a sweetie!

 

But if you can do the love language book thing for real, I think that can be a fun over-dinner activity some night, & it's really eye-opening. It's not on the list, but dh's love language is food. Once I figured that out, boy. I could melt that man's heart, & I'm not even a good cook. And he recognizes the effort & sees its effect on him better (at first he was insulted by the made-up classification, lol), &...I don't know...it's good.

[abbeyej]

Start with C. Be gracious. *But*, at *some* point between now and the next gift event, let him know what you do and do not consider to be appropriate for a gift.

 

Believe it or not, there are some people (women even! lol) who wouldn't be particularly distressed to receive needed housewares like ordinary flatware or pots and pans, etc, etc. Your dh isn't married to one of those women, lol, and he should learn that -- but probably not because you have a hissy fit on your birthday. :)

 

*If* it would make you feel better to go out and buy yourself an acceptable gift, I think you can do that (assuming the money is available, of course). But I wouldn't use it as a chance to rub his nose in it that the gift he gave was unacceptable! If you do that, you're just spreading the hurt feelings around (and they don't tend to dissipate when you do that, they tend to grow).

 

Find *another* way to tell him, away from your birthday, away from this event, what you need as far as gifts to make you feel special and loved. Do your gifts need to be slightly frivolous? Something totally unrelated to your daily *work* as wife and mother? That's a totally legitimate desire! But you need to *tell* him.

 

And once you tell him -- and be clear, don't expect him to intuit things you've never voiced -- you may need to coach him as well... If you see something lovely, point it out, "Oh, honey, see that necklace? It would make a lovely Christmas gift for me." Give more details, if you can -- tell him *why* you like something and think it would be a perfect gift.

 

And lavish praise on him for the things he gives you that *do* meet your criteria. Or praise *aspects* of things that come close. If you like the skirt he got for you (other than his complaint about the price), be sure to wear it right away where he sees it, and mention how much you love it, and how special it was to you that he would spend more than his comfort zone to get you something he knew you would really enjoy.

 

What is it our grandmas used to say? You catch more flies with honey? :)

 

Don't criticize his efforts. Don't go out and buy new stuff and tell him it was because he did a cr*ppy job of choosing your gifts. Encourage him in the way you want him to go -- don't make him feel like a failure. Not if you want something other than gift cards in the future. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Start with C. Be gracious. *But*, at *some* point between now and the next gift event, let him know what you do and do not consider to be appropriate for a gift.

 

 

And lavish praise on him for the things he gives you that *do* meet your criteria. Or praise *aspects* of things that come close. If you like the skirt he got for you (other than his complaint about the price), be sure to wear it right away where he sees it, and mention how much you love it, and how special it was to you that he would spend more than his comfort zone to get you something he knew you would really enjoy.

 

What is it our grandmas used to say? You catch more flies with honey? :)

 

Don't criticize his efforts. Don't go out and buy new stuff and tell him it was because he did a cr*ppy job of choosing your gifts. Encourage him in the way you want him to go -- don't make him feel like a failure. Not if you want something other than gift cards in the future. :)

 

:iagree: Our first Christmas, dh got me cookie sheets. I was miffed. But then he told me the trouble he went to find the "perfect" cookie sheet. He even called bakeries in the area to ask for their recommendations! That's my dh - have to get a Consumer's Report or some other expert recommendation for everything.

[Dobela]

Yeah, men sometimes don't get it. 40+ years ago my parents married in December, just a couple of days before Christmas. That very first Christmas together my dad bought my mom NOTHING as a gift butbought his younger sister a new record player. His reasoning? He had just bought my mom a beautiful ring, paid for a wedding, a weekend trip to some romantic place, and had her car detailed. She received them all 2 days before Christmas. And since Christmas is about emotion and the actual day of celebrating isn't what is important, he just knew my mom wouldn't know any different. Surely what he already paid for is all a woman dreams of and wants right?? Surely she will understand.

 

My mom has held a grudge ever since.

 

The first year my dh and I were married he gave me a collapsable trash can for my car for my birthday. Um, yeah. But my man likes to solve problems for me. I guess it is that great provider and protector role he wants to fulfill. He saw loose trash as a problem in my car and thought the best way to solve the problem was a trashcan. What more could a woman want right? He felt like he had just slayed the dragon for me LOL.

[lisasaysto]

My husband doesn't get the gift-giving thing. One year for my birthday, he gave me a magazine. Not a subscription, mind you, but a single magazine wrapped up in paper.

 

Once I realized he wasn't trying to be hurtful, I just let it go. We just don't exchange gifts for holidays anymore. On our anniversary, we go out to eat at a nice place or do something we enjoy doing together instead of exchanging gifts. Our birthdays are within days of each other, so we do something together, then on the day of the birthday, that person gets waited on and pampered and gets to pick out favorite foods for dinner.

 

If there's something I really want -- jewelry or gadgets or kitchen items -- I tell him, and we either get it or save up for it. We do the same for things he wants.

 

It certainly makes holidays less stressful.

[Garga]

Gifts. UGH!!!!

 

I love practical gifts and fun/pretty gifts. But I have a friend who hates practical gifts--she just wants fun/pretty gifts. You must fall into the fun/pretty category.

 

I think your dh was really trying to be nice and get you something he thought you'd want. He is probably like me--thinks practical gifts are ok.

 

My DH is hopeless about gifts. One year, he didn't get me a mother's day, Christmas, or Birthday gift. I have no idea what he was thinking. I can't tell you how amazingly hurtful that was! And believe it or not, he's normally very thoughtful and sweet, so it was just baffling. Can you picture Christmas morning and everyone has a gift...except me??? And the mother's day was my very first mother's day. It's not like it was my 19th year or something! Not even breakfast in bed. sheesh. (ok, I'm not over that one yet.)

 

I've learned with some men that you just have to flat out tell them what you want. (Of course, not all men are like this. But some are...so meet them where they are. Or you'll end up with no presents, like me.)

 

1 month before gift giving occasion:

"Dh, I want this book by this author. I'll email you a link to Amazon.com with the information."

 

3 weeks before occasion:

"Did you have a chance to order that book for my present yet?"

 

2 week:

"Did you have a chance to order that book for my present yet?" If he didn't, then I do.

 

1 week:

gift arrives, either because dh or you ordered it. Give the box to dh to wrap.

 

The day of the gift giving occassion:

"Wow! Great book! Thanks so much!" Read for the rest of the day.

[cin]

I would try to be gracious .I have had to do this many times. Now I keep a running list of things I would like on the computer. No surprises, just a nice list in a place he sees about once a month. The list (with links to said items) has greatly improved the situation.:grouphug:

 

In my case he really really was trying and just not quite making it.

:iagree:

 

Maybe an Amazon Wish List...

[Garga]

Oh, and I keep a notebook of things (as suggested by Flylady) like menus and cleaning lists, etc. One section of my notebook is "gifts" where I jot down gift ideas as they pop in my head throughout the year for people I know. (Like "Connect Four" is on the list for my kids, and "Babylon 5 DVDs" is on the list for dh.)

 

I also jot down in there what I would like. Then I can show dh a whole long list of possibilities that I've wanted all year. (lots of books and dvds that I normally wouldn't use money on without a reason, and are great for gifts.)

[Orthodox6]

My husband very rarely gives gifts to anybody, including me. He doesn't think of it as important. Occasionally he surprises me with something, but not often. (In contrast, I enjoy selecting gifts for other people, including no-occasion surprise presents.) Very early in our (now 25 years) marriage, this trait of my husband bothered me. Eventually I grew beyond expecting him to be "like everyone else", and I just treasure him for the self-sacrificing, unselfish, deeply loving man who he is. He constantly shows how much he appreciates my efforts for him and for the family. I know this sounds like some sort of a stupid, unsolicited sermon, but I value him more than the gifts, pleasant as gifts might be.

[Luanne]

... for Valentine's Day. :001_huh: I made him take it back (I had already told him I didn't want one in the first place). Men certainly make interesting choices sometimes. :glare:

[littlebug42]

I also happen to be one of those wives who would get upset if dh wastes money on frivolous things. If we needed silverware and I told him of the need, I would be likely to get it. I got a Kitchenaid mixer one year for Christmas and it was the best gift ever. I am all for things that will make my daily life easier throughout the year and not just something pretty every now and then. My dh is more likely to give me comfy PJ's and battery powered socks, which I did get one of our first Christmases after we got married. He bought them for me because he knew how cold my feet get in the winter. To outsiders, it is not the most romantic gift but him thinking of me in that way is one of my best memories.

[Sasharowan]

Gifts. UGH!!!!

 

I love practical gifts and fun/pretty gifts. But I have a friend who hates practical gifts--she just wants fun/pretty gifts. You must fall into the fun/pretty category.

 

I think your dh was really trying to be nice and get you something he thought you'd want. He is probably like me--thinks practical gifts are ok.

 

My DH is hopeless about gifts. One year, he didn't get me a mother's day, Christmas, or Birthday gift. I have no idea what he was thinking. I can't tell you how amazingly hurtful that was! And believe it or not, he's normally very thoughtful and sweet, so it was just baffling. Can you picture Christmas morning and everyone has a gift...except me??? And the mother's day was my very first mother's day. It's not like it was my 19th year or something! Not even breakfast in bed. sheesh. (ok, I'm not over that one yet.)

 

I've learned with some men that you just have to flat out tell them what you want. (Of course, not all men are like this. But some are...so meet them where they are. Or you'll end up with no presents, like me.)

 

1 month before gift giving occasion:

"Dh, I want this book by this author. I'll email you a link to Amazon.com with the information."

 

3 weeks before occasion:

"Did you have a chance to order that book for my present yet?"

 

2 week:

"Did you have a chance to order that book for my present yet?" If he didn't, then I do.

 

1 week:

gift arrives, either because dh or you ordered it. Give the box to dh to wrap.

 

The day of the gift giving occassion:

"Wow! Great book! Thanks so much!" Read for the rest of the day.

Or you drag him and all the kids to the mall (a week before Christmas), get the one you want, put it in his hands and make him buy it, take it home and wrap it yourself, open it Christmas and get over the top excited while the kids ROFLOL. I'm soooooo glad my daughter is old enough to take her father shopping and wrap my gifts for me.

[runninmommy]

I know from my experience that if I present a problem to my husband, he wants to fix it. That is what men do, fix things.

 

He may have assumed that he was giving you what you wanted. Men don't always grasp the need vs. great awsome gift concept unless we feed it to them.

 

I know, for myself, I have to tell my husband what I want or he will just think, "okay, what has broken, what is she out of, how can I help her." So, maybe next time let him know about the camera you have had your eye on, or that beautiful necklace you have been admiring. You may be surprised what you get.

[Melissa in Australia]

YOUR HUSBAND BOUGHT YOU A GIFT!!! WOW .

I have had 3 gifts from my husband in the whole 17 years of marriage. a wedding ring. a necklace, and just recently a vacuum cleaner. I really wouldn't complain about whatever he gave you. he thought about you and got you something.

[tex-mex]

Unless there's more going on than stated, I'd guess he honestly thought he was giving you something you want, because you'd said so often. So, in the future, you might have to give direct suggestions. "I would LOVE the pretty nighty on page 32 of the Pretty Nighty catalog for my birthday" with a sweet smile. Or, put a picture of whatever it is you'd like in his briefcase, OR make it the homepage of his computer! He wouldn't be able to miss that! LOL

 

Since my divorce, I've read a lot of books on how men think (because frankly, it's always been a mystery to me), and I have concluded that they don't to hints easily, so you have to be direct. It's not especially romantic, but chances are you'll avoid this problem in the future if you just make it plain what you want and like. And, when he does get you something you love, praise him like he's just created cold fusion. I hear men like that sort of thing. ;)

 

(and, I need silverware; if you don't like it, you can send it to me! LOL)

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Sometimes you just have to spell it out for them... it ruins the surprise, but you do get what you want. LOL But don't make it into WWIII as it will ruin any future gifts. He will remember your venom and retaliate by not giving you a card or gift. Men are very literal and gift giving can be hard for them. I think it was neat he listened to you and got you something.

[tex-mex]

It's all about knowing your spouse though. I have received and loved cookie sheets as gifts. Dh said he had never seen me so excited as the time I got a food processor (it was a gift certificate but I picked out the FP and went nuts when it got here). The blessed man has learned that no kitchen gadget goes unappreciated by me so he got me new knives for Christmas. It was wonderful!

 

LOL... I do get excited after 22 years of marriage when I get a practical gift! My kitchen is fully stocked that is for sure! One Christmas I was very happy to get cutting boards and a set of pots and pans. :O)

 

Everynow and then hubby will surprise me with a gift like expensive chocolate, flowers (one time he paid $125 for one set of roses... I was thrilled and later shocked at the receipt he failed to hide. O-M-G), or sweet little love notes he creates handmade. Doesn't happen every year -- but when he does -- it sure is special.

[Evergreen State Sue]

This year I put a note on the refrigerator that said, "If anybody is interested in getting Mom a birthday or Christmas gift, this is my list . . . " These are all practical or needed gifts that I truly want so they won't break the budget. I would be happy to have a practical list from my dh. The things he mentions are very expensive that I know he should pick out.

[Denise in Florida]

I'm so sorry you were disappointed on your birthday.:grouphug:

 

Like some of the other posters, I have the opposite issue. I love practical gifts, a set of silverware (if I were missing some) would be great.

 

I have asked for years for a set of really good sheets or towels for my birthday (the kind I would never indulge in out of the household money) My husband always says that is not a real gift. huh He has an aunt who keeps saying things like "Only an idiot gives his wife appliances for Christmas."

 

I used to end up with frilly things I didn't need until I finally convinced him I would rather have something I could use everyday.

 

Wait until things are calm and then be honest and open about how gifts make you feel. For me that meant telling him practical gifts made me feel luxurious everyday and trinkets didn't.

 

Of course, then I had to look at the presents I gave him and decide if I was giving him something to make him happy or myself. oops :001_smile:

[Kathy in MD]

:grouphug:

 

and a :lol:, remembering my dh.

 

My favorite laugh is when we lived in Germany and my dh asked my 5yo ds what ds wanted to get me for Christmas. Ds, having been dragged through all the handcrafted, local gift shops by the PX with me knew exactly what to get. A Nutcracker.

 

Now everyone here knows what a nutcracker is, especially one made in Germany. And there are gorgeous ones, they aren't limited to the stiff, wooden tin soldier types.

 

But dh is an engineer type. Shopping is to be done quickly at the last minute......without ds. And Germany also makes industrial strength nut crackers. Beautiful, shiny, heavy metal nutcrackers that will crack anything. Nutcrackers that will last for multiple lifetimes. Nutcrackers that go in the kitchen drawer and are never left on the shelves to decorate at Christamas time. Ds had no idea what dh bought, just that it wasn't a "nutcracker". I thanked dh, laughed over the mixup, used it on the bag of nuts he bought to go with it.............and bought myself 3 decorative nutcrackers a few months later.:D

[Janet in Toronto]

I set up a private blog so that my extended family members can maintain their wish lists and see each others.

 

I have a number of practical things on my list, but things that I wouldn't go out and spend money on myself. I just had my birthday and dh gave me two industrial cookie sheets and a Wustof Santuko knife that I have been drooling over. For me, they were the perfect gifts. My old cookie sheets were black and warped, but still useable. And the knife? Well, I've never had as much joy in making pico de gallo as I did last night with that knife.

[LUV2EDU]

I dont mean to be ungrateful but today is my birthday and for some reason my husband thought it was acceptable to buy me silverware for my birthday (not silver silverware, not a special pattern that I wanted-not that I have a "special" pattern) but everyday silverware. I have mentioned we need new/more silverware due to DD and DS-think the silverware may have made the way out to the backyard or garbage can or hidden in a room some where.

But cut me a break-SILVERWARE FOR A BIRTHDAY!!!

 

So a) do I go out to buy my own gifts and let him know he bought them for me

b) buy him a plunger for his next birthday

c) try to be gracious while wanting to melt them into tin soldiers with my own piercing glances.

 

 

 

;) b) buy him a plunger for his next birthday:lol:

[Adrianne in TX]

Just so you all know--I did mention that I felt that silverware was not an appropriate gift for birthday. He did say sorry, and then brought a ice cream cake home( there goes all my calories burnt from walking-but will be tasty) and a necklace-not totally my style ( I am a silver not gold girl) but he was under a bit of pressure. And did take us out to dinner.

 

The silverware mysteriously disappeared (wonder if he read some of the posts :001_smile:). So we did learn a valuable lesson--your advice for the most part was heeded and did give me something to think about. I will be getting the Love Languages book --I have heard too many good things about it!

 

You all are great. :grouphug:

[LUV2EDU]

Just so you all know--I did mention that I felt that silverware was not an appropriate gift for birthday. He did say sorry, and then brought a ice cream cake home( there goes all my calories burnt from walking-but will be tasty) and a necklace-not totally my style ( I am a silver not gold girl) but he was under a bit of pressure. And did take us out to dinner.

 

The silverware mysteriously disappeared (wonder if he read some of the posts :001_smile:). So we did learn a valuable lesson--your advice for the most part was heeded and did give me something to think about. I will be getting the Love Languages book --I have heard too many good things about it!

 

You all are great. :grouphug:

 

I'm glad he came around. Now you can celebrate. :party: