WWYD...Keep quiet or express concerns.

[Donna]

My sister is visiting with her twins (3.5yo dd and ds). A little background...sister and I have always been cordial but not close. She is my younger sister. I was the classic overachiever and in our younger years our relationship was strained at best though we have repaired it a lot.

 

I have concerns about her son. He makes very little eye contact, does not initiate conversation or even acknowledge people when they enter the room, is very ritualistic, has some strange mannerisms, etc... He speaks well enough and seems fairly bright but most of his language is imitative or as a result of his mom telling him what to say. He is not very communicative and only laughs at things when following his sister's cues. There are other things that send up red flags for me as well and many of them, if taken alone, would not be concerning in a child his age but all together I am a little concerned. I am thinking Aspergers.

 

I work in early intervention (physical therapist) and have for 16 years. My gut is usually right on with these sorts of things though I am not a diagnostician. I don't want to be the one to bring up my concerns with my sister. My father (kids' grandfather) sees that ds is "strange" as he puts it but he does not have the experience to be thinking along the same lines as I am. My mother has also made comments about his behaviors as well.

 

My gut on this one is to stay out of it and let whatever happens happen. I know my sister would not appreciate my input and, even if I were correct, it might destroy the relationship we do have. My parents will not say anything. They would be afraid my sister wouldn't bring the kids to visit anymore (they live across the country). It is such a difficult situation.

 

What is the hive concensus on this one? If you were in my shoes or my sister's?

[Melinda in VT]

Oh, dear. What a tough situation.

 

I'm usually a big proponent of minding my own business and not giving unsolicited advice. However, with something that is potentially so serious and that early intervention/therapy could help so much . . .

 

I'd probably say something. I wouldn't harp on it (as that might make your sister less likely to follow up on your advice), but I would say something.

 

Your sister might not react well initially, but hopefully your words would stay in her mind and lead her to eventual action. I would try not to hold against her anything she says in anger. It is hard to hear about issues with your kids.

 

I hope it works out well.

[Orthodox6]

Do you think your brother-in-law would be more approachable than your sister ?

 

Your list of "flags" sounds sufficient to warrant formal exploration.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Children have no voice except those who care about them. I don't think there is a choice regarding saying something; but to whom and how can be explored carefully.

[NorthwestMom]

I've been in your shoes, and I suggest you keep quiet. Let their doctor, preschool teacher, or neighbor have the conversation - someone surely will! Hopefully, you will be able to support her when she initiates the conversation with you. Perhaps it will actually help you build more of a relationship with your sister.

[EKS]

Maybe you could write a letter. That way she could read it in private and have her initial reaction to the information privately. I do think you need to let her know your concerns somehow.

[Kim in Appalachia]

if your relationship is not that close, she is more likely to see it as an affront to her parenting abilities. It will have to be the job of a doctor or teacher.

 

Have your parents ever said anything to her, or only expressed their views to you? If they've ever said anything, and she's ignored it, you will not get much further.

 

I'm sorry. I know you are only looking out for your nephew, these situations are hard.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

I've been in your shoes, and I suggest you keep quiet. Let their doctor, preschool teacher, or neighbor have the conversation - someone surely will! Hopefully, you will be able to support her when she initiates the conversation with you. Perhaps it will actually help you build more of a relationship with your sister.

Yes. I told my bf that her daughter seemed autistic. She did nothing but get mad at me. Then she puts her in headstart for speech therapy. They say she is not autistic, and bf had to tell me all about it and actually say "HA! I told you she was not autistic." One year later she was evaluated again and found to be autistic. My actions made no difference other than getting her angry.

[Kathy in MD]

I think that something does need to be said, but how to do it so that your sister does't take offence and refuse to act?

 

If you know who her pediatrician is, you might be able to call him and alert him to your concerns. Not great, but possible. Your bil might be more open to the topic, but from anecdotal stories, fathers tend to be less aware of dev. problems than mothers are. So the best bet would be your sister. She might be more ameniable to hearing your concerns about another child (real or ficticious) or a new client. It wouldn't bear immediate fruit, but you may be able to plant questions in her mind that would not require her to defend her child or parenting.

[abbeyej]

Even though I think you're probably right, I think you should stay out of this one *unless* she opens a door (and even then, keep what you say to a non-judgmental minimum).

 

I know my sister would not appreciate my input and, even if I were correct, it might destroy the relationship we do have.

 

So if you say anything, you could destroy the relationship, and she's unlikely to really "hear" what you have to say anyway, right? And even when it becomes clear to her, if she was hurt by what you said initially, she's unlikely to come to you for support and advice... Even though it sounds like you could be a great resource! That would be a terrible shame.

 

If there is a diagnosis to be made, it will happen eventually. And probably, regardless of what you say to your sister, not till she's ready to hear it.

 

I think, ultimately, you'll do more good if you focus on building your relationship with your sister and with your nephew, so that some day maybe she *will* be comfortable enough to lean on you for support.

 

It's hard, knowing that intervention *now* might be more productive than intervention later... But if your saying anything is highly unlikely to result in earlier intervention, and could seriously damage your future ability to help and sustain your sister and your nephew... Then I think you need to stay silent. Continue to repair and build up the relationships you have now, so that maybe you can be a rock for her down the line.

[Christy B]

I've been in similar situations, although not with family, thank goodness.

 

If you say something, you risk upsetting your sister now.

 

If you say nothing, you risk upsetting your sister later, if/when there is a diagnosis, and she asks why you didn't say something sooner.

 

Do NOT assume you can say nothing and the pediatrician or teacher will say something -- in my experience, that sadly does not always happen.

 

My suggestion would be to follow up her visit with a letter -- don't spoil your time together. A "glad you came" letter is natural, and in it you can add just a small paragraph . . . "I adore my darling niece and nephew, and as their auntie, I'm a little concerned, and wonder if their pediatrician has noticed x,y,z, as those things can sometimes be an indicator of a child placing somewhere on what professionals now call a "spectrum" . . . " I'd give her just enough information to do an accurate google search, and leave it at that. Keep is casual. If she wants to ignore you completely, she can . . . if she wants to follow up, she can.

 

I've been in a position where someone confronted me with "why didn't you tell me you saw something" and I was very glad to be able to say, gently, "I did tell you, remember? You weren't ready to hear at the time, but I did tell you, and now I'm here to help in any way I can." If I hadn't tried to say something, I think it would have done more damage to the relationship in the long run.

[kalanamak]

My gut on this one is to stay out of it and let whatever happens happen.

 

Unless the child will be permanently harmed without "early intervention", I'd stay quiet. If it would dig her heels in, even if intervention was needed, I'd still say nothing. I know there is a great rush to evaluate and treat everybody for everything, but I wonder about labeling, etc. unless there is a clear-cut, evidence-based best therapy.

 

As I say to myself in my medical practice "Don't just do something, stand there".

[springmama]

It's only worthwhile to say something if she will take your advice. Otherwise there isn't much point.

[MeAndTheBoys]

Having had that child myself--to the letter--I would advise you to not be the one to come right out and say it.

 

At about age 3 1/2, when DS1 was in preschool, he was acting very autistic spectrum-ish, and the psych we took him to even said PDD-NOS, possible Asperger. Definitely something quirky. The psych advised me to keep him home for one year and work on small-group social skills--and that led to us homeschooling because it worked out so well :) But now at 6 1/2, the spectrum stuff has faded a bit and he's just eccentric but much more outgoing. I still think he's AS, but that we've trained him into better social skills and that he's very mild on the spectrum--he's going to be okay. He's funny and smart, and that ought to cover a lot of the oddities; kids seem to like him although he's not in the "in crowd" at Sunday school or whatever . . .

 

Anyway--I was always trying to get my sister to admit that there was something "off" about him, and wisely, she didn't say anything like, "yes, he's got a problem; you need to look into it."

 

It would have hurt me to have my sister say there was something "wrong" with my child. On the other hand, I would say that you need to spend a lot of time with this child while he is visiting and really get to know how he is doing and interact with him a lot. That will give you a better idea of what he's really like, and give your sister a chance to see you interact with him.

 

Is he in preschool? Does he come in contact with someone else who might notice that he needs a little extra push?

 

I wasn't even going to answer this, and I hope my answer makes some sense--I just know that for me, if my sister had been the one to bring it up, with the bit of competitiveness between us, it would have strained our relationship; I needed to hear it from someone without so much emotional attachment--it was actually someone on the Sonlight forums that pushed me into getting him tested.

 

Betsy

My sister is visiting with her twins (3.5yo dd and ds). A little background...sister and I have always been cordial but not close. She is my younger sister. I was the classic overachiever and in our younger years our relationship was strained at best though we have repaired it a lot.

 

I have concerns about her son. He makes very little eye contact, does not initiate conversation or even acknowledge people when they enter the room, is very ritualistic, has some strange mannerisms, etc... He speaks well enough and seems fairly bright but most of his language is imitative or as a result of his mom telling him what to say. He is not very communicative and only laughs at things when following his sister's cues. There are other things that send up red flags for me as well and many of them, if taken alone, would not be concerning in a child his age but all together I am a little concerned. I am thinking Aspergers.

 

I work in early intervention (physical therapist) and have for 16 years. My gut is usually right on with these sorts of things though I am not a diagnostician. I don't want to be the one to bring up my concerns with my sister. My father (kids' grandfather) sees that ds is "strange" as he puts it but he does not have the experience to be thinking along the same lines as I am. My mother has also made comments about his behaviors as well.

 

My gut on this one is to stay out of it and let whatever happens happen. I know my sister would not appreciate my input and, even if I were correct, it might destroy the relationship we do have. My parents will not say anything. They would be afraid my sister wouldn't bring the kids to visit anymore (they live across the country). It is such a difficult situation.

 

What is the hive concensus on this one? If you were in my shoes or my sister's?

Edited July 5, 2009 by MeAndTheBoys

[myfunnybunch]

After my dd was diagnosed with autism, I had three friends, all early childhood specialists in some way, say to me that they'd had concerns for quite some time but didn't want to say anything.

 

I desperately wish they had told me.

 

I had no idea what to look for. My dd was functional enough that she did not raise red flags during her limited time with the pediatrician or infant-toddler group coordinator. If someone had said something, I might have listened sooner to that little voice telling me something wasn't quite right. My dd might have been evaluated and gotten services that much sooner.

 

In your shoes, I wouldn't offer a possible diagnosis, but I would initiate a conversation along the lines of: "I've noticed he does xyz. These behaviors are fairly unusual. I've seen them sometimes in children I've worked with. Have you mentioned them to his pediatrician?"

 

Please don't wait for someone else to tell her. All of those other someone elses may be waiting too.

 

Cat

[proverbs356lady]

I wonder if just a brief comment or two here and there would draw her attention to your concerns. Rather than approaching her with a fixed diagonsis it may be best to test the waters with a comment or two of the concerning behaviors. Like "I notice ds doesn't communicate much with others." or "I see that ds often mimics dd." "Have you noticed this as well?" "Does this concern you?" If she says yes, then you may suggest that she talk to her pediatrician about it to get his input. By not giving her a fixed diagnosis you open the door to communication yet leave the tough stuff to the doctors. If she doesn't see it as a problem I would probably let it go. It may be enough to place the concerns in her mind to mull over for a while.

 

Not sure this'll help much but I'm sure you'll handle this carefully and lovingly.

[HeatherLynn]

Sounds like Aspergers to me too.

 

Here is what I did with my SIL who was the same way...offended if anyone says anything. Her son OBVIOUSLY had Autism and she just couldn't see it. I signed up online for information packets on Autism under her name and had them sent to her address. She never mentioned them but a couple of months later he had a diagnosis. So, I think she got them and read them.

[Orthodox6]

Oh dear, how I "hear" you with this one ! I used to have a friend whose son is on the autism spectrum, very high end, but with severe symptoms and behaviours, especially in his younger years. Once, in total calm (easy to do, since I have special needs children) I referred to her son's "special needs" issues -- and she exploded. Sure sounded like denial to me.

 

Yes. I told my bf that her daughter seemed autistic. She did nothing but get mad at me. Then she puts her in headstart for speech therapy. They say she is not autistic, and bf had to tell me all about it and actually say "HA! I told you she was not autistic." One year later she was evaluated again and found to be autistic. My actions made no difference other than getting her angry.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Oh dear, how I "hear" you with this one ! I used to have a friend whose son is on the autism spectrum, very high end, but with severe symptoms and behaviours, especially in his younger years. Once, in total calm (easy to do, since I have special needs children) I referred to her son's "special needs" issues -- and she exploded. Sure sounded like denial to me.

LOL! I hate the term "special needs". I am just coming to terms with the fact that it isn't a bad thing... without the term "special needs" would dd get any understanding or help with her issues?

[Denise in Florida]

I can't say how your sister would take it, but if someone (who knew what they were talking about :001_smile:) felt I needed information for my children I would want to know. Of course, I would also want them to also back off and let me decide.

 

Maybe you could express it as 'here is an idea' and 'you won't hurt my feelings if you find another answer'.

[gingersmom]

Unfortunately if you tell her she may not be receptive to what you have to say and if you don't say anything you have to live with the guilt.

 

It kind of reminds me of people online who ask about their kids who are 3 years old and not talking, or talking very little. And when you recommend they go for a speech evaluation they are up in arms and you are the worst person ever.

[Brooketopia]

I am struggling with this myself and I am so sorry you have to deal with it.

 

I've decided to stay quiet for now, as I am simply not around the child enough to really be sure. I have an autistic cousin that I was around a lot as I grew up and one of my nephews reminds me of my cousin at times. I'm pretty hated in this particular family vein and anything I say is resented, so voicing a concern would definitely be taken as a judgment.

 

But at the same time, if I am on the right path with my hunch, it would mean a lot to the child. I feel awful about keeping quiet, but just could not deal with more hatred and accusations if I were to voice my concern and I were wrong. I've decided to give it more time...I have no expertise in this area anyway.

[LaxMom]

If my sister-in-law, who works in an inclusive pre-K and has a Master's in education on the autism spectrum, raised concerns about one of my kids, I would trust her judgment and have them evaluated as thoroughly as I could push in the system.

 

However...

 

Your relationship with your sister is distant at best, strained at worst. I would be concerned that your suggesting there is something amiss would cause her to resist ever entertaining the idea, even if her pediatrician or a teacher raised it in the future. The only way to approach it that I can see would be to ask if he is always that "quiet". If she asks what you mean, you could point out that he just seemed like he was in his own little world, yadda, yadda, and you wondered if he is shy around <insert scenario here>. You know?

[LNC]

Is there a parent out there with a child on the spectrum who doesn't voice concern for their child's development???? I think that when she does voice that concern to you or your parents - i.e. he's rigid about this or that, he has tempers, he doesn't talk like his sister - then draw her out and encourage her to get help. I wouldn't bring it up out of the blue.

[Donna]

Just as all your answers fall on one side or the other, my head is in the same place. I would want to know but I know my sister would not take it well coming from me. I have been agonizing about this for the past week, having spent 2 weeks with him and giving him the benefit of the doubt in a new place/situation.

 

At this point, I will bring my concerns up to my parents once she leaves and let them do what they will with the information. From conversations with my sister about her own concerns about her sil's child, who is very developmentally delayed, I know she is not concerned about her own child at the moment because I did try to broach the subject indirectly...asking her questions about her sil's child that could be true of her own son to try to raise the red flags for her.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

At this point, I will bring my concerns up to my parents once she leaves and let them do what they will with the information. From conversations with my sister about her own concerns about her sil's child, who is very developmentally delayed, I know she is not concerned about her own child at the moment because I did try to broach the subject indirectly...asking her questions about her sil's child that could be true of her own son to try to raise the red flags for her.

All of that sounds like exactly what I would do.

[OrganicAnn]

Since your nephew is a twin and possible pre-mature, I would approach it as "does your pediatrician keep on top of whether the twins are on track developmentally. Isn't it about 3 years old where premmies catch up?" Generally along those lines, but nothing specifically about autism.

 

Or maybe even bring it up as a boy/girl difference. 'I'll be you notice big differences between BoyTwin and GirlTwin. Look at the way they play with blocks." But don't compare them to your kids no matter what.

 

If either twin is at all weak in speech suggest that she can get a free evaluation through the school district starting at 3.

 

The more outside people who evaluate your nephew the more people might raise the issue with your sister.

 

ETA: be careful about what your parents think of autism and might say. I have a nephew that is boarder line/only just slightly on the spectrum and I think my mother believes that somehow my sister-in-law contributed to it (even though I've told her a million times that nothing my SIL did could have made him autistic). I just think sometimes an older generation doesn't understand autism.

Edited July 6, 2009 by OrganicAnn

[Radish4ever]

I would probably stay out of it.... or confront her in as gentle of a way as possible so as not to sound preachy or like a "know it all", you know? That's tough!

[leaird]

I used to be a preschool teacher and had a child who obviously had "special needs." I am not an expert so I will not try to offer a diagnosis. The child rocked back and forth, wrung his hands, and repeated odd phrases over and over - sometimes for an hour or more. He was so disruptive that my assistant had to take him out of the classroom whenever we gathered for circle time. He did not have any friends, never played with toys, and did odd things in class like pull his pants down for no reason. He even chewed and swallowed the end of a plastic spoon one day during snack. Luckily, his mother was sitting beside him so we didn't get blamed for allowing that to happen. He could not perform the most basic of preschool skills, yet knew all 50 states and capitals at the age of 3. I talked with his mother about my concerns and offered her the name of a place to have him evaluated. She did not take it well at all even though she had told me weeks before that she was afraid something was terribly wrong with her child. The next week, she informed me that she took him to his speech therapist and she diagnosed him with sensory problems. I felt awful that he was not going to get the help he needed. There was absolutely nothing further I could do. She just was not ready to accept it.

 

If you feel your sister would react in the same manner, I would start looking for free materials to request online. Request them in your sister's name and address. Maybe order a book or two if you can figure out how to do it without her finding out who paid for it. It would be much better for her to realize he needs help on her own. If you try to tell her, it might just ruin your relationship forever.

[5KidzRUs]

Does his sister do all of the talking for him?

 

My daughter did all of the talking for brother - so much so that he did not talk in sentences until he was four years old.

 

Maybe your niece is the dominate personality for your nephew?

[Donna]

Does his sister do all of the talking for him?

 

My daughter did all of the talking for brother - so much so that he did not talk in sentences until he was four years old.

 

Maybe your niece is the dominate personality for your nephew?

 

No, his sister does not talk for him. They both talk about the same amount though his sister's language is more social and she uses more spontaneous language...phrases she comes up with on her own without someone telling her to say this or that.

 

His actual language skills are not the problem (he is fairly average there)...more his attention to other people, lack of interaction, lack of social play, behaviors, etc...that are concerning.

[OHGrandma]

My sister is visiting with her twins (3.5yo dd and ds). A little background...sister and I have always been cordial but not close. She is my younger sister. I was the classic overachiever and in our younger years our relationship was strained at best though we have repaired it a lot.

 

I have concerns about her son. He makes very little eye contact, does not initiate conversation or even acknowledge people when they enter the room, is very ritualistic, has some strange mannerisms, etc... He speaks well enough and seems fairly bright but most of his language is imitative or as a result of his mom telling him what to say. He is not very communicative and only laughs at things when following his sister's cues. There are other things that send up red flags for me as well and many of them, if taken alone, would not be concerning in a child his age but all together I am a little concerned. I am thinking Aspergers.

 

I work in early intervention (physical therapist) and have for 16 years. My gut is usually right on with these sorts of things though I am not a diagnostician. I don't want to be the one to bring up my concerns with my sister. My father (kids' grandfather) sees that ds is "strange" as he puts it but he does not have the experience to be thinking along the same lines as I am. My mother has also made comments about his behaviors as well.

 

My gut on this one is to stay out of it and let whatever happens happen. I know my sister would not appreciate my input and, even if I were correct, it might destroy the relationship we do have. My parents will not say anything. They would be afraid my sister wouldn't bring the kids to visit anymore (they live across the country). It is such a difficult situation.

 

What is the hive concensus on this one? If you were in my shoes or my sister's?

 

I'd tell your sister she does a good job at encouraging him to speak and engage. It likely will encourage her to do it more, and will be a help for him later.

[Chris in VA]

At this point, I will bring my concerns up to my parents once she leaves and let them do what they will with the information. From conversations with my sister about her own concerns about her sil's child, who is very developmentally delayed, I know she is not concerned about her own child at the moment because I did try to broach the subject indirectly...asking her questions about her sil's child that could be true of her own son to try to raise the red flags for her.

__________________

 

I was not and still am not close to my sil, who is a psychologist. When we visited my brother (who has cystic fibrosis and was in the hospital, unbeknownst to us), she had a chance to really interact with my ds for the first time. She mentioned something to my parents instead of coming to us.

 

I hated her for it. It felt like an insult, instead of a helpful suggestion that she could have come to me with. She didn't care enough to be direct, and I can't tell you how much that hurt, and put me on the defensive. She also probably told my parents that it was related to autism, but they bungled the message and said autism, instead of AS. I knew he wasn't autistic, so I couldn't hear anything else. My parents said I should call her. There was no way I was going to go to her for advice when she didn't have the courage to tell me to my face. She also said (to them) my husband seemed embarassed about ds' behavior--that's all I heard, and there was no way I was going to talk to her when she had insulted my husband, too. (This is all how I felt at the time.)

 

Bring it into the light. Be direct but kind. Give her hope and encouragement. Don't make it look like a tragedy, but something that can be helped--and tell her it's not a reflection on her parenting. There are ways of phrasing it and making it less scary.

[jplain]

The next week, she informed me that she took him to his speech therapist and she diagnosed him with sensory problems. I felt awful that he was not going to get the help he needed.

Oh, please don't feel bad! Even at age 3, and even with what may seem to be clear symptoms of ASD, it isn't unusual to get a different diagnosis first ~ SID/SPD, PDD-NOS, etc. Then, after therapy has been initiated and the child can be observed over a longer period of time, an ASD diagnosis will be made if appropriate.

[katilac]

I was in nearly the same situation as you, and dh and I made the decision to (mostly) stay quiet.

 

We did comment on a few behaviors, "oh, none of my kids ever did the repeating thing; did any of your others do that?" and gently try to raise awareness of red flag behaviors, but we really felt that even the gentlest of interventions would feel like an accusation to this person, and do more harm than good.

 

Because your parents obviously agree that your sis would not appreciate the advice, I think you can feel confident that you are right about that.

[camibami]

You know, if you aren't close, its quite possible she already knows and isn't telling you (or your parents). Especially if the relationship is strained or she feels "judged" or whatever.

 

My oldest has some special needs, and we rarely tell anyone, ever. Not teachers, priests, sports coaches, friend's parents, etc, unless/until it comes up. She now will sometimes tell people, or other kids, if they comment on some things, on her own. But I certainly do not, ever, tell someone prior to meeting her about her issues. I have found that she will be pre-supposed to be stupid, or weird, or they will treat her with kid gloves. And that is completely unhelpful for her, so unless (until) it comes up, we say nothing.

 

We also did not really discuss what was going on when she was first getting tested and diagnosed, with others. Its just part of who she is, it doesn't define her.

 

I am not the least bit upset of someone points out the stuff, nor is DD. She calmly (or I calmly) explain why she is doing whatever it is. And that's pretty much it. So I wouldn't get upset if you told me my DD has some issues, and I wouldn't necessarily expect your sister to, either. But it is certainly possible she already knows and hasn't chosen to share it with you or other family yet.

[Rebecca VA]

I agree with Chris! I wouldn't be offended at all if someone directly and matter-of-factly pointed something out to me, especially if they had lots of professional experience in the matter.

 

I most certainly would be offended if that person went over my head and discussed the situation with someone else. I'd be really offended and suspicious if someone anonymously sent literature to my house.

 

There isn't a *whole* lot of early intervention possible with Aspberger's Syndrome anyway, is there? Just social skills training? I could be very wrong, but if there isn't much that can be done, you might not want to force the issue.

[Retired]

I would just sign her up for some of information on autism etc. The mail starts coming in and possibility she would read the information. She may start asking her pediatrician question.

 

You could at least plant the seed without confrontation.

 

I have done this with people. It makes them start thinking and looking. I had one ask me my opinion about 6 months after had literature sent to her.(I am a nurse, so I guess she just was comfortable asking me. I am pretty sure she never knew I had the information sent to her)

 

We were not good friends but hung around the same group. I know I couldn't some right out and say what I thought.

[Laurie4b]

I think that I would focus on interacting positively with your sister and her child. Find things about her child to compliment. Find things about her parenting to compliment.

 

Then perhaps you could try something indirect by talking about kids at your practice--maybe avoid specific problems that her child has--but similar things and talk about how the intervention helped. Or if you're feeling out the situation and she seems more open than you anticipate you could talk about what professionals could help with the behavior. You don't need to say a word about diagnosis. I would keep the talk about professionals positive as well--so what she leaves with is the thought that there are people who can help with things that she sees in her child. It would be unusual if she didn't see them at all. Most people see but are in some form of denial for a while. The thought of getting help, rather than the thought that "something is wrong" might encourage her to get help.

[lgm]

I would just get into a conversation about early childhood screening in her area and ask if she's had the free screening done. Sometimes here people won't do the screening b/c they think it's costly or they don't realize what they can learn about the child's development.