sparrow Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'm looking to hear from moms of "that" kid. You know the one. Quirky. I just spent some time listening to my son "play" with the neighbor boys. My son's playing consists of running around pretending to be a Star Wars Clone Trooper, narrating the whole time. Other kids don't get it. Heck, I don't get it. I used to suspect he was on the spectrum, but doctors and other behavior says otherwise. The thing is, *he* seems oblivious. I think I hurt him more by asking why he doesn't play with the other boys. "I am! I'm marching around!" The kid is HAPPY! He wakes up literally humming and singing. He is very comfortable in his skin. I just wish he would understand that *his* world is not the only one going on and there is some give and take involved with playing. I guess my mama heart is just hurting today :crying:. Anyone BTDT? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 He sounds happy. He doesn't sound lonely. He sounds just like my son! My son does have friends. They accept him for who he is. He doesn't have a huge amount of friends but if he's happy, then I think that's good enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 We were at my son's karate lesson the other day...a karate class that is just for homeschoolers...a class that is filled with quirky pre-teen homeschooled boys and girls. I said to my dh "I bet we are all born with our own quirks and we just had it stomped out of us by the public school conformity machine." He agreed. I LOVE my son's quirkiness. I would be so sad if he became "normal" and "boring". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 We focus primarily on teaching ds to stay away from kids who can't embrace his freaky-ness. Fortunately, he has a handful who think he's great! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I love those kids! They usually grow up to be very interesting adults. Embrace his quirkiness! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 If your son is just marching to a different drummer and he's happy that way, I'd probably leave him alone. If, however, he is marching backwards/upstream through the parade, then I would try to help him understand how the rest of the world works. To give an example from one of my own kids: inability to recognize the socially accepted personal space boundaries in our culture is a "quirk" we actively worked on correcting. A preference for wandering around on her own during recess talking to herself (happily)? That I don't worry about. Well, ok, sometimes it makes me cringe. But I don't try to "correct" it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 We were at my son's karate lesson the other day...a karate class that is just for homeschoolers...a class that is filled with quirky pre-teen homeschooled boys and girls. I said to my dh "I bet we are all born with our own quirks and we just had it stomped out of us by the public school conformity machine." He agreed. I LOVE my son's quirkiness. I would be so sad if he became "normal" and "boring". I think you are absolutely 100% right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I agree with the others, BUT.... I think you'd do him a service to help him learn how to blend in IF that is his choice. I remind my quirky DS to watch what the others are doing and try to play in that way if he wants to be included. Would the other boys say he is playing with them, or just near them? If they don't perceive his play the way he does, that's a problem that you should point out gently and directly. If he wants to play in a group, he needs to be a good group member and modify his behavior to fit the group's activity. It's great to be a nonconformist and be happy with yourself, but if kids want to be included and accepted and are not, then we need to give them the social skills to blend and fit in. If your son is totally and happy and it's you who are not, then you have to accept that he has a different temperament for social interactions and let it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I have a boy in my den like yours. His dad (single father) was at a loss and asked me to speak with him. I basically told him, "some people don't understand why you =========. Those people might get mean about it, because they don't understand it. It's up to you, you can stay your happy self at home and behave like every one else out and about; or you can take your lumps when they come and be yourself every where you go." His dad didn't appreciate my talk, but my thought is, be honest. Tell him why you are concerned, but MAKE SURE he knows that YOU don't care either way. Giving him a heads up isn't cruel, but I would not try to force him to be something he isn't and I would not worry that there is anything wrong with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 My momma's heart hurts sometimes too. My dd is a drama queen - over-sensitive, overly happy or sad, loud, controlling, quirky, etc. And this personality is very different from mine, so often I don't "get" her. It's when I see others not like her for this behavior that it hurts me. But I don't wish for the previously-mentioned public school conformity machine to take it all out of her either. Just feelin' your pain!:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ciyates Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I can hurt with you. My son doesn't get it sometimes but as an adult I can now remember not getting it back then. Sometimes I want to tell him to step back and watch everyone else. The flip side of it the coin is he is less likely to fall for peer pressure if he doesn't see the peer pressure. :grouphug: P.S. My 45 yr old husband still quotes Star Wars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 P.S. My 45 yr old husband still quotes Star Wars. Lol! My youngest is Luke! What do you think Daddy has to say at least once a month??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'm looking to hear from moms of "that" kid. You know the one. Quirky. I just spent some time listening to my son "play" with the neighbor boys. My son's playing consists of running around pretending to be a Star Wars Clone Trooper, narrating the whole time. Other kids don't get it. Heck, I don't get it. I used to suspect he was on the spectrum, but doctors and other behavior says otherwise. The thing is, *he* seems oblivious. I think I hurt him more by asking why he doesn't play with the other boys. "I am! I'm marching around!" The kid is HAPPY! He wakes up literally humming and singing. He is very comfortable in his skin. I just wish he would understand that *his* world is not the only one going on and there is some give and take involved with playing. I guess my mama heart is just hurting today :crying:. Anyone BTDT? You bring him to my house because my ds10 is the same way. Especially about the acting out the star wars things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Lol! My youngest is Luke! What do you think Daddy has to say at least once a month??? :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~FireFly~ Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 No worries... sounds normal to me and fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'm looking to hear from moms of "that" kid. You know the one. Quirky. I just spent some time listening to my son "play" with the neighbor boys. My son's playing consists of running around pretending to be a Star Wars Clone Trooper, narrating the whole time. Other kids don't get it. Heck, I don't get it. I used to suspect he was on the spectrum, but doctors and other behavior says otherwise. The thing is, *he* seems oblivious. I think I hurt him more by asking why he doesn't play with the other boys. "I am! I'm marching around!" The kid is HAPPY! He wakes up literally humming and singing. He is very comfortable in his skin. I just wish he would understand that *his* world is not the only one going on and there is some give and take involved with playing. I guess my mama heart is just hurting today :crying:. Anyone BTDT? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Send your quirky 9 year old to play with my quircky 8 year old. They can run around talking to themselves together!! It is so hard, I know. My son has a few good friends rather then a lot of friends so that helps. We just try to stick with the kids who appreciate what he has to offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I A preference for wandering around on her own during recess talking to herself (happily)? That I don't worry about. Well, ok, sometimes it makes me cringe. But I don't try to "correct" it. You just need to get her a bluetooth ear piece...then she'll look normal:-) Carrie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdogs29906 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I'm looking to hear from moms of "that" kid. You know the one. Quirky. I just spent some time listening to my son "play" with the neighbor boys. My son's playing consists of running around pretending to be a Star Wars Clone Trooper, narrating the whole time. Other kids don't get it. Heck, I don't get it. I used to suspect he was on the spectrum, but doctors and other behavior says otherwise. The thing is, *he* seems oblivious. I think I hurt him more by asking why he doesn't play with the other boys. "I am! I'm marching around!" The kid is HAPPY! He wakes up literally humming and singing. He is very comfortable in his skin. I just wish he would understand that *his* world is not the only one going on and there is some give and take involved with playing. I guess my mama heart is just hurting today :crying:. Anyone BTDT? I think I live with your son's twin. I know exactly how you feel ~ right down to the Star Wars Trooper. Moms of quirky boys unite! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Hood Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I have a quirky 10dd. Public school kids have made fun of her but she know hows to pick out who she likes. I wonder if she'll ever grow out of being a horse. Most girls want a horse, she wants to BE a horse. She gets reality but prefers Never Never Land and won't leave. What amazes me is that in time, she lures reality kids into her world. I remember when she around 2 1/2, I got so frustrated with her that I stomped MY feet in a tantrum and said, "Why can't you be like other girls?!" Now I think she is precious for her quirkiness. My parents and a few others try to talk me into making her stop being the way she is, but I think it's a gift and just ignore them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
talexand Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Maybe he just hasn't met the right kids to play with. My 10 yr old and my 7 yr old both play this way. They go to school part time. I watched ds7 last week playing on the playground during recess with his friends. They were huddled together, deep in conversation about whatever imagination game they were playing out. Sometimes they would take few steps and huddle again. It was definitely playing out much more in words than in action. THe game itself changes every few weeks but usually involves characters in books, movies, or video games. There were three kids participating and most of the other kids on the playground were on the play structure or playing soccer. My 10 year old still loves these games too although this year for the first time he has taken an interest in 4 square when his friends can't agree on what to play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted June 6, 2009 Author Share Posted June 6, 2009 Thank you so much for sharing your stories with me today. I was just having one of those afternoons where it was getting to me, you know? It sounds like many of you do. I wish we could get all of our "quirkies" together....or we moms could get together for a glass of wine :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bess Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 We were at my son's karate lesson the other day...a karate class that is just for homeschoolers...a class that is filled with quirky pre-teen homeschooled boys and girls. I said to my dh "I bet we are all born with our own quirks and we just had it stomped out of us by the public school conformity machine." He agreed. I LOVE my son's quirkiness. I would be so sad if he became "normal" and "boring". I agree, I think schooled kids are prone to conform. Homeschooled kids don't have that pressure, so they are just themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I was that kid, but at 10 I could usually find at least one other kid to play GI Joe or Thundercats with me...usually one other girl, sometimes boys. By 12 I sucked my best friend into my imaginative world...and we've never totally left, but sometime in our teens we moved from acting out our imaginary world to writing collaborative stories about it...which we still do. Let him be, as long as he's happy. Sooner or later, he'll find other outlets for that imagination, or he'll find someone else who shares it, or both. All my recollections of being unhappy on the playground as a kid came when I tried to conform...and I was lousy and jumping rope and would get laughed at, or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 That's kind of like my ds (almost 10), too. He has a LOT of imagination and isn't so interested in playing "standard" games -- is always making up new games. He's perfectly happy to play by himself or with others. But yeah... there's that quirky thing -- his own personhood coming out all the time. It used to make me worried a bit, but not anymore. Other people seem to love his sense of uninhibited fun. He's so outgoing and very kind-hearted. Bottom line is: he's a happy kid. A very happy kid. I wouldn't change that for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova mama Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Moms of quirky boys unite! Being in school hasn't stamped it out of DD7 yet. All of your posts were encourging. I need to appreciate the special little man I have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Can he come over and play with my 8yo who spent the day battling clone troopers with his light sabers, narrating constantly? Sounds like a match to me. LOL!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rowan25 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 P.S. My 45 yr old husband still quotes Star Wars. :confused:You mean to tell me that everyone doesn't do that????!!!!!! We're just waiting till the kids are a bit older to introduce the movies!! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rowan25 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Lol! My youngest is Luke! What do you think Daddy has to say at least once a month??? :lol::lol::lol: I wouldn't be able to resist!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Quote: Originally Posted by Melinda in VT I A preference for wandering around on her own during recess talking to herself (happily)? That I don't worry about. Well, ok, sometimes it makes me cringe. But I don't try to "correct" it. You just need to get her a bluetooth ear piece...then she'll look normal:-) Ha, ha, I say that about myself! Seriously, I talk to myself a lot! When I am semi-public (think stop light while driving), I have thought, "If I just had one of those ear-piece things, I could chat myself up for hours and not wonder if others spotted me." :lol: About having a son who acts quirky, my 9yods does what I call his "Poindexter" voice. He is especially prone to doing this voice when he is stressed, uncomfortable or feeling social pressure. Can I just tell you, I *HATE* it when he starts using that voice! He sounds ridiculous! I have pointed it out to him and I have been known to just tell him, "Talk normally!" It's a babyish adaptation and I guess it's just his coping mechanism. God knows he needs to outgrow it soon. It does make me cringe and I can just imagine what other kids who are not necessarily his friends think when he goes Poindexter. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Frankweiler Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 My 9ds acts like this as well (right down to the Star Wars clone trooper.) And when the other kids just don't "get" him, he just prefers to play by himself. I'll ask him, "Don't you want to play with the other kids and do what they're doing?" and he'll just say, "Not really." It's something we're gently working on. I also have a childhood friend with a VERY quirky kid (he's also homeschooled.) So much so that my parents and sisters mention after every gathering how "J" is just so strange. Not in a PDD kind of way....just quirky. Then, or course, they say, "See....that's why he should be in school. It would show him how to be like other kids." I think just the opposite and thank goodness he's homeschooled. I don't think quirky kids conform to the machine....they just stick out like a sore thumb and get brutalized by the "cool" kids. Don't you remember that kid in school that wasn't like the others? Being in school just exposes any quirkiness even more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 He is welcome to play with my quirky 11 year old. He loves Star Wars. His quirkiness is starting to bug my dh. He is having some difficulty accepting that ds is happy with his 2-3 close friends and does not need a crowd the way he does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camibami Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 :grouphug: I am finding myself frustrated/annoyed/worried about my just-turned-11 (today!) DD who is like this, too. Part of it is her little sister, who is totally, absolutely n-o-r-m-a-l. Next to her, my oldest is so, so odd. Quirky, yes, and just as you describe your DS- talks to herself, plays imaginary games constantly, wants to *be* a dog (or a Warriors cat, or...). All her life, she's been like Pied Piper, drawing kids into her weird little world, LOL. But now as a pre-teen, she sticks out like a sore thumb. And I worry. And I wonder about trying to "fix" her. I would have *been* her, except I wasn't hs'ed, and by 7th grade "got it" enough to be ruthlessly conformist- I was one of the "mean girls" in jr high, probably, because I learned how to play the "lets fit in" game and I played it hard. I am not proud of that, nor do I want that for her. But...always a but...I fear she will be lonely. We just moved, and are living on post overseas (military) and if anything, the kids are 3x as "wordly" as the kids we knew back in the US in our neighborhood/gymnastics/hs group. They are a tough group, and I just don't see how, given her current behavior/personality, she is going to fit in around here. Do I even want her to??? I don't know. Its tough, all around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kay in Cal Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Another mom to a quirky son here. We work on some social skills things, but I'm trying to be better about just letting him be himself and figure it out. I know he gets excluded and picked on in groups... but it doesn't seem to bother him. As long as the adults are nice to him, he's happy. I was a weird kid, and so was my dh (geeks breed with geeks, you know)... and we have a very happy life. As long as it works out that way for my boys, I'll be triumphant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 :lol::lol::lol: I wouldn't be able to resist!! Oh he hears it all: Luke I am your brother. Luke I am your grandfather. Luke I am your neighbor (only once, lol). Luke I am your Nini (what we call Aunt). Luke I am your Uncle. Lol, it's nearly irresistable. Ok, he's heard, "Luke I am your mother," too ;). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 I understand how you feel! I think quirkiness becomes more of a problem as kids move into the teen years. 8yos and 9yos mainly just play together; they're not sharing their feelings or anything (boys, at least). But as my ds gets older, I worry that he doesn't know how to have and be a genuine close friend, someone with empathy and more awareness of other people's inner lives. KWIM? Because he marches to the beat of a different drummer. Other kids think he's fun and entertaining, but as they get older and seek to form closer bonds with other kids, will he be left behind? Or do boys never do this?? Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Yep. That's my 11 year old; he wasn't dx'd (HFA/PDD-NOS) until he was 8 years old because for a very long time the "experts" weren't sure if he had autism or if it was "just his personality." We first suspected he wasn't neuro-typical when he was four. It took him displaying the same behaviours at eight that were slightly unusual at four to be taken seriously. That said, having the DX didn't change anything; it was more of an "ah! That explains THAT!" moment. As long as he's functioning well and is happy, I wouldn't sweat it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayne J Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Hallelujah. Just resurrecting this to say I'm glad to hear I am in such good company. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Holey Moley, my two six year olds would worship at your clone trooper's feet! Seriously, I would rejoice in his individualism. If he's happy, you have a very cool individual as a child. No cookie cutters allowed! Alicia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireStitch Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Sparrow, thank you for starting this thread! You don't know how much it means to me to read it at this particular time. I have another one of the quirky boys, and he comes by it naturally...there's a lot of quirky in his lineage. :) I usually deal with it pretty calmly, but we had an incident at church recently that really hurt. All of his friends at church are homeschooled, so it wasn't even an issue of school socialization vs. home socialization. He has one quirky little buddy who he hangs out with most and they mostly communicate by talking about random things near each other and occasionally shoving each other around a bit. Neither we nor the parents of this other boy have any problem with the shoving...I mean, we don't condone wrestling in church, but a couple of energetic little boys bumping into each other in the halls is sort of...normal...I think. Anyway this has been misconstrued as a big problem by some tattling children and some parents who expect boys to act like stuffy little adult men(IMNSHO!!!). I've felt somewhat rejected and betrayed by my church family over this issue. So it just feels very healing to know that we are not the only ones out there...which is why I'm so grateful you brought this up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted June 10, 2009 Author Share Posted June 10, 2009 I'm so glad this thread helped many of us :grouphug:! I needed to hear exactly what many of you said. We're raising unique, interesting, bright, lovable children. I needed that reminder and reassurance and your messages improved my attitude tenfold. Dh read your responses, too. We don't feel so alone now! I do think that the qualities we're worried about now will serve them well as adults. I know ds takes his Cub Scouting VERY seriously. He sees it as "elite training" and has a goal to become an Eagle Scout. I can see him doing it! His den leaders think he's a great kid, of course, because he is so engaged during the meetings. I worry the other kids are going to think he's a brown noser :glare:. As usual, *he* doesn't care. I really outta take my cues from the kid. Thank you, again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristenS Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Late to the discussion, but I've got a quirky kid too. :) I just love him to pieces, and I can't really blame him for being quirky when he comes by it honestly. :) We did have him evaluated at one point, but he's just bright and quirky, and that's that. Luckily, his whole Tiger Cub den was just as oddball as he was, so it worked out great. I am SO hoping we can keep all the same boys together for Wolf Cubs next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Okay my son is quirky too. He is happy with himself and that brings me great joy. I was a quirky kid and my self-esteem was zippo because of public school and bullies. At 9 my ds and had light saber fights in the front yard. It was a blast. It was also PE. I love my unique child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I have a friend who was like that as a kid (he's about 3 years younger than me and I knew him as a teen). He was homeschooled and was definitely in his own world. Fast forward 12 years, he's married with 3 kids and has definitely learned to connect meaningfully with others. I think he always knew how, he just didn't with people outside his family. He's successful in his profession, his has great friends and is a great friend, he's still quirky but his quirks aren't a barrier to relationship the way they used to be. I think getting married helped him a lot. :) And I think he's the type to connect with people when he has a reason to--work, church, school, etc. If you're concerned about your son, you might start by making one on one time with one particular friend a priority and branch out from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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