Who should get this bedroom? edited to add in original post

[Elisabet1]

We have 3 bedrooms for the kids (plus our bedroom, I am not counting our bedroom in that). Then my husband has a study and works from home. But, he has decided to move his office to the media room. It is much brighter in there and it is sound proof when the doors are shut. So, this means, the study is available for a bedroom.

 

In upstairs bedroom, we have 10 yr old and 5 yr old. In downstairs bedroom, we have 13 yr old (has Aspergers, has trouble getting along with siblings, tends to bully too) and 19 yr old (who is in college and only here on holidays and summer). 19 yr old spent summer begging to not share with 13 yr old. 13 yr old likes mouthing off and according to 19 yr old, sleeps loud. I do not believe 13 yr old sleeps loud. 

 

New baby is a boy too.

 

10 yr old is begging to have the study. There is no closet in the study so I had originally said that it would be a guest bedroom and 19 yr old would stay here when he is home. It has a built in desk. 10 yr old really wants the room because he wants the built in desk. The window in that room faces a fence so there is not much natural sunlight, which I feel kids really need. I felt the study was fine for a part-time room, but not for someone here full-time.

 

But 10 yr old has made some good please for the room. 

 

I already told 19 yr old he was getting the room. Of course, he lives in the dorm right now. 10 yr old is here full-time so I kind of wonder if he should get priority. 

 

What do you think?

 

Edited to add: I needed to add a detail that is important. My oldest, the 19 yr old, who is about to turn 20, has autism spectrum disorder and a traumatic brain injury. So, do not expect him to move out soon. In fact, I wish I had never sent him off to college and had kept him home to focus more on life skills and such. But, he is there. During the summers, he works part-time and goes to community college part-time. So no plan for him to move on any time soon. And not because he is bad, he just has some challenges. He is actually a rather pleasant person.

[Amira]

What about giving it to the 10yo and having the 19yo share with either the 10yo or 5yo?

[Cinder]

If you don't move the 10-yo into the room will it stand empty the whole time your eldest is away? Seems like moving the 10-yo in there would be the best use of the room. I don't have any suggestions as to where the 19-yo should sleep when home, though.

[Lolly]

I think I would encourage the 19 yo to take summer sessions so I didn't have to deal with this issue...

 

But, since you told 19 they could have the room, I think you should follow through. However, I would allow the 10 yo to use the room the rest of the time with the understanding that they had to high-tail it out of that area when big bro is home. I would have 10 yo keep most of her stuff in the other bedroom (not in study) for the most part. But, she could sleep in there and keep minimal stuff in the study.

 

 

Oops. Sorry just noticed the 10 yo is not a she...Makes it even easier in my mind. A 10 yo girl might want to paint the walls pink! 

Edited September 30, 2014 by Lolly

[Jean in Newcastle]

How much time do your kids spend in their rooms?  Sunlight wouldn't be an issue for me but then my kids don't stay in their rooms a whole lot outside of night time.

[DawnM]

How about a compromise with 10 year old?  "You can have the room ALL times your 19 year old sibling doesn't need it.  Then you can share the few times he is home."

 

Dawn

[trinchick]

I think some of it has to do with your 19 yo's plans upon graduation. If you want him to move back home (and he wants to as well), then I would give him the room. If he is planning to leave the nest permanently and you are OK with that, then I think it's reasonable to ask him to share with either the 10 yo or the 5 yo when he is home on break.

 

As for disappointing the 10 yo, I know it's hard to do. But kids "get" seniority as an equitable way to determine things (even if they claim "it's not fair").

[Ripley]

I give priority to people who live there (more).

I can understand the 19 year old being upset at you changing your mind, ...

but I can better understand a 10 year old's upset at losing to a part-time live-in.

If he's made good arguments for this case, agree to a 3 month trial.

That gives the 10 year old through Thanksgiving ...

and the 19 year old a shot at the longer Christmas break if the trial goes bust.

 

Either way the 19 year old can have his wish honored, too -

instead of sharing with the 13 year old, he shares with the 5 year old.

The middle two get their own rooms, the bookend kids share one, when necessary.

Seems reasonable to me!

 

I have a dark bedroom, so I understand that concern.

Buy a great lightbulb - the spectrum kind.

It can go in a new-to-him desk lamp, or a floor lamp by his bed.

Not perfect, but a fair solution to your reasonable concern.

 

 

[Tap]

Since 19yo is the most fluid and there the least, make him the mobile one.

 

If 10yo wants that room, let him have it. 

Leave 13yo in the room by himself.

Let 19yo share with 5yo when he is home for the summer.  

 

OR if baby needs a room, put baby in with 5yo and have 19yo share with 10yo. 

OR if the media room is big enough put 19yo on a decent futon in that room with the house rule that he has to up and out by the time your dh starts his day.  I would present it as an 'you share a room with 13yo, but can sleep in the media room if you want'. 

 

Let everyone know that if 19yo moves back home semi-permanently, room arrangements will change. (Happens a lot after college but before they get a job). 

 

 

Get a closet cabinet at IKEA so your son's stuff is all in one room. 

[Ripley]

I think some of it has to do with your 19 yo's plans upon graduation. If you want him to move back home (and he wants to as well), then I would give him the room. If he is planning to leave the nest permanently and you are OK with that, then I think it's reasonable to ask him to share with either the 10 yo or the 5 yo when he is home on break.

 

As for disappointing the 10 yo, I know it's hard to do. But kids "get" seniority as an equitable way to determine things (even if they claim "it's not fair").

 

Graduation seems so far away to me.

It's at least two years away, right? At 19?

(My last sibling went in at 17 and graduated at 21.

I think most go in at 18 and graduate at 22+ .)

 

So I think it's a bit mean to put life on hold for that long.

Especially on a what-if ... what if he never graduates?

What if he does graduate and moves away?

What if he stays and goes straight into a master's program?

What if he changes his major and spends an extra year earning a bachelor's?

So many what-ifs, especially at the 19 year old's age and stage.

 

I think it's fair to make the home work best for those fully living there.

And fair again to re-evaluate in a few years if that number changes.

It's not necessary to hold a room hostage for an infrequent guest,

who may or may not eventually move back in.

And frankly, who may or may not be coming home for holidays and breaks much longer.

He may start getting more settled with school "family," internships/jobs, etc.

We all did around our sophomore/junior years. Seemed our friends did, too.

 

I come from a big family. I always shared a room.

There were so many of us, requests weren't an option LOL.

And there were definitely more than two of us per room,

with bigger age spans than your kids, OP :)

(You do have quite a challenging age span!)

 

It's life.

Our options were to deal with it, or make other arrangements.

We were never made to feel unwelcome at home, ...

but we were also not given a "say" disproportionate to our "stay" IYKWIM.

And I come from a very hierarchical culture

Seniority matter, as did gender.

And yet this was one area my parents didn't follow those lines.

Maybe they feared a mutiny :D.

[zimom]

So now there are 4 available bedrooms, one without a closet.

 

Room A:  13 year old

Room B:  5 year old

Room C:  Baby and 19 year old

Study:  10 year old

 

19 year old is only there in the summer.   In the summer, he should be gone a good bit of the time during the day anyway.  He has the choice of basically bunking wherever he wants when he is home.  He doesn't get a dedicated room.  Tell him to pick which sibling he prefers but you are going to put a twin in with his baby brother.   Give the others their space, it sounds like for the max family harmony, this would be best.  

[Annie G]

I would not give a private room to a kid who is only there part time.  So the ten year old gets the room. How to handle when the college kid comes home...that's a bit more tricky. Maybe make the college kid share with another kid, or the college kid can choose to sleep on a couch.  College kid can choose who to share with during breaks or summer, so at least there is some choice in the matter. 

 

Yeah, you told the 19 year old the room was his (or hers, I don't recall) but you're the parent and can change your mind.  If you decide the ten year old gets the room, you made the earlier decision without totally thinking it through. Apologize, then move on. The 19 year old is an adult and will get over it. 

[Caroline]

So now there are 4 available bedrooms, one without a closet.

 

Room A: 13 year old

Room B: 5 year old

Room C: Baby and 19 year old

Study: 10 year old

 

19 year old is only there in the summer. In the summer, he should be gone a good bit of the time during the day anyway. He has the choice of basically bunking wherever he wants when he is home. He doesn't get a dedicated room. Tell him to pick which sibling he prefers but you are going to put a twin in with his baby brother. Give the others their space, it sounds like for the max family harmony, this would be best.

I think there is an 18 year old daughter, too.

[zimom]

I think there is an 18 year old daughter, too.

 

Ok, I totally missed that one!  I'm now confused.  I read through it several times.   She will just have to sleep in the car.   :lol:

[Caroline]

Ok, I totally missed that one! I'm now confused. I read through it several times. She will just have to sleep in the car. :lol:

She wasn't mentioned in this thread. I just know she exists from other threads.

[hjffkj]

Growing up my parents never dealt with rooming issues! So I say let the kids figure it out for themselves. If they can't come up with a solution then rooming stays how it is and you get a free room!

 

In our family of 7 in that situation the 10 year old would win claim to that room because logically he is going to need it more and longer. 19 year old would have to deal with sharing a room with either of the other 3. That's what happened to my oldest brother who is 12 years older than me. After college he moved back home and had to share with me for the 4 months he earned money to move out. I got picked as his roommate because he asked me and I was happy to say yes. Other siblings would have not been so happy with the arrangement but I was young and didn't care about having my own room.

[Elisabet1]

I think there is an 18 year old daughter, too.

I do not seem to be capable of multi-quoting right..LOL

 

so...

__________________________

So now there are 4 available bedrooms, one without a closet.

 

Room A: 13 year old

Room B: 5 year old

Room C: Baby and 19 year old

Study: 10 year old

 

19 year old is only there in the summer. In the summer, he should be gone a good bit of the time during the day anyway. He has the choice of basically bunking wherever he wants when he is home. He doesn't get a dedicated room. Tell him to pick which sibling he prefers but you are going to put a twin in with his baby brother. Give the others their space, it sounds like for the max family harmony, this would be best.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

OK..you are not just missing 18 yr old daughter, but there is 3 yr old daughter too. And THEY get room A. It is painted the prettiest lavender. That is my girl room. There are only 3 rooms for boys...the upstairs bedroom and the downstairs and the study.

 

Here is a bit more detail about the layout....

downstairs is the kitchen, living room, dining room, study, laundry, and bedroom. Upstairs are 3 bedrooms (one being the master bedroom) and 2 more bathrooms, a game room and a media room. Gameroom is a walk through room. Media room is being used as husbands office but also still used as media room. It has an added in window.  

 

So...in upstairs bedrooms....one is parents room, one is girl room (already painted, won't re-purpose), and a boys room in the middle.  Downstairs is the downstairs bedroom which is next to the study. There is a bathroom in between and the downstairs bedroom has a huge closet. 

[Elisabet1]

Ok, I totally missed that one!  I'm now confused.  I read through it several times.   She will just have to sleep in the car.   :lol:

I suggested a small house in the backyard! No one went for it! 

[AK_Mom4]

My college kids lost "their" rooms as soon as they left for college.  We always have a bed for them, but where it is sort of changes depending on who else is home.

 

Guest Room goes downstairs.  10yo can sleep in there when their aren't guests - clothes and stuff go into a laundry basket since there isn't a closet.  When guests come, 10yo moves back in temporarily with someone (prolly 5yo and baby).

 

19yo gets guest room when he visits, or he can bunk with someone else if he chooses.

[Twolittleboys]

Hm, your added information changed my original opinion (give the room to the 10 year old). In this specific case I would let the 19 year old have it. It sounds like this isn't so much the first step in moving away from home but just something for the next couple of years. Given that your 19 year old is so much older than the other boys and pretty much grown up and his special challenges I would anyway tend to let him have the room. Also, you originally told him that he could have it... I would really hesitate to go back on my word in this case. It doesn't sound as if 10 year old has an urgent need to get his own room (though of course it would be nice for him).

 

All in all, I would give the new room to your oldest and keep the rest as is. Maybe you could talk to the 19 yo and see if your 10 yo could use the room during the school year when it would otherwise be empty?

[Mrs Mungo]

I would give it to the 19 y/o. If you expect him to move back home and stay die to extenuating circumstances, then I think you need to make a space for him. Yes, two years seems like a while away, but the other kids will still be at home, none of them will be college age yet. Much harder to play musical rooms at that point with a bunch of teens.

 

I also don't really think it is reasonable for a 19 year old boy to share a room with a 5 year old.

 

What kind of space is the game room? Could it make a decent for now bedroom for the 19 year old? Could you do that and put 10 yo in the study with the understanding that the 19 yo might move into that room eventually?

[hjffkj]

Hmm with the new information then probably the 19 year old or give it to the 10 year old, have the baby and 5 year old share and 19 year old gets his own room

[Elisabet1]

I would give it to the 19 y/o. If you expect him to move back home and stay die to extenuating circumstances, then I think you need to make a space for him. Yes, two years seems like a while away, but the other kids will still be at home, none of them will be college age yet. Much harder to play musical rooms at that point with a bunch of teens.

 

I also don't really think it is reasonable for a 19 year old boy to share a room with a 5 year old.

 

What kind of space is the game room? Could it make a decent for now bedroom for the 19 year old? Could you do that and put 10 yo in the study with the understanding that the 19 yo might move into that room eventually?

It is an open walk through game room so will not work. 

[Slartibartfast]

I would do

 

Room A: Five year old and baby

Room B: Ten year old

Room C: 13 year old

Study: 19 year old

[prairiewindmomma]

For now, I'd have the baby, 5 yo, and 19 yo share.  Reevaluate in two years.

[Annie G]

Even with the added info, I'd still not give the 19 year old his own room. There are soon to be 7 kids in 4 rooms, right? So giving the room to the 19 year old would leave him and the 13 year old each having his own room, while the others share 2 in one room, 3 in another. Well, the college kid isn't going to be there full time so if he's sharing with someone, that person at least gets his own room part of the year.   And I think your oldest daughter is going away to school soon, so that leaves another room with a person who gets a solo room at least part of the year, which would leave one room doubled up all year. Sounds reasonable. 

 

room 1- 13 year old and 19 year old., meaning 13 year old gets his own room except summer and holidays

room 2- 18 year old dd and 3 year old dd  -      when 18 year old leaves for school 3 year old gets solo room except holidays/summer

room 3- 10 year old  solo room 

room 4- 5 year old and newborn (when he leaves mom and dad's room)     they have to share until they're older

 

My reasoning is that except  holidays and summer vacation, the 19 year old's room would just sit unused. Nope. Not with that many kids in the house.  I could easily see putting 10 and 19 year old BOTH in the same room, which would be the same as 13 and 19 in same room. 

 

[Cera]

So you have 5, 10, 13, 19 and baby?  Three normal bedrooms and a study?

 

I would do 10 year old in study, 13 year old in own room, 5 year old and baby in the largest room and 19 year old in own room.  When the 19 year old is not home I would put the baby in his room to sleep (add a pack and play or crib in the corner).

[Elisabet1]

So you have 5, 10, 13, 19 and baby?  Three normal bedrooms and a study?

 

I would do 10 year old in study, 13 year old in own room, 5 year old and baby in the largest room and 19 year old in own room.  When the 19 year old is not home I would put the baby in his room to sleep (add a pack and play or crib in the corner).

There are two girls also. That is just the boys. So they just have 2 bedrooms and a study. The other bedroom goes to the girls.

[Scarlett]

There are two girls also. That is just the boys. So they just have 2 bedrooms and a study. The other bedroom goes to the girls.

Even with new info I vote 10 year old gets study.

 

Will baby be in your room for a while ? Then can move in with 5 yo?

13 yo should have own room.

19 year old needs to feel welcome......he needs a place but not an entire room for now. That can change when he moves back home full time.

 

Is there a chance the 19 yo can Sleep in media room/ office?

[Lolly]

The clincher for me is that you have already made a promise. The 19 yo gets the study. I have found that it is important to my children that I hold to my word whenever possible. (Of course, that doesn't mean that the study cannot be used by another child when ds19 is not home.)

[Ausmumof3]

I can't add it up it seems like you have four rooms and five kids so why not just have the new baby with you and a room each? Otherwise can you get some of those expedit shelves from ikea to make one room into two separate spaces so the kids feel like they've got their own area at all? Depends on the size of course.

[Slartibartfast]

Herm...I understood it as just the rooms the boys are using. Maybe the op could clarify?

[Melissa in Australia]

:iagree:

How about a compromise with 10 year old?  "You can have the room ALL times your 19 year old sibling doesn't need it.  Then you can share the few times he is home."

 

Dawn

 

[DawnM]

Ok, so he is NOT going back to college?  

 

This is important info if that is the case as you mentioned he only needed the room part of the year but now he will need it all the time?

 

Please clarify.

 

 

We have 3 bedrooms for the kids (plus our bedroom, I am not counting our bedroom in that). Then my husband has a study and works from home. But, he has decided to move his office to the media room. It is much brighter in there and it is sound proof when the doors are shut. So, this means, the study is available for a bedroom.

 

In upstairs bedroom, we have 10 yr old and 5 yr old. In downstairs bedroom, we have 13 yr old (has Aspergers, has trouble getting along with siblings, tends to bully too) and 19 yr old (who is in college and only here on holidays and summer). 19 yr old spent summer begging to not share with 13 yr old. 13 yr old likes mouthing off and according to 19 yr old, sleeps loud. I do not believe 13 yr old sleeps loud. 

 

New baby is a boy too.

 

10 yr old is begging to have the study. There is no closet in the study so I had originally said that it would be a guest bedroom and 19 yr old would stay here when he is home. It has a built in desk. 10 yr old really wants the room because he wants the built in desk. The window in that room faces a fence so there is not much natural sunlight, which I feel kids really need. I felt the study was fine for a part-time room, but not for someone here full-time.

 

But 10 yr old has made some good please for the room. 

 

I already told 19 yr old he was getting the room. Of course, he lives in the dorm right now. 10 yr old is here full-time so I kind of wonder if he should get priority. 

 

What do you think?

 

Edited to add: I needed to add a detail that is important. My oldest, the 19 yr old, who is about to turn 20, has autism spectrum disorder and a traumatic brain injury. So, do not expect him to move out soon. In fact, I wish I had never sent him off to college and had kept him home to focus more on life skills and such. But, he is there. During the summers, he works part-time and goes to community college part-time. So no plan for him to move on any time soon. And not because he is bad, he just has some challenges. He is actually a rather pleasant person.

 

[Incognito]

If I understand correctly, your 18yo daughter will be going off to school soon?

 

If so, I propose:

 

Room A: 3yo girl +baby (and 18yo DD when home, or she could be in the games room those times)

Room B: 19yo boy +5yo boy (but could be 13 yo boy if they get along better)

Room C: 13 yo boy (or 5yo)

Study: 10yo

 

I have had young kids of opposite sex together for quite a few years with no issues.  By the time the littlest ones are old enough for it to matter, the teens will be college age.

 

ETA: Or Annie G's idea.  That seems pretty good.

[Cera]

There are two girls also. That is just the boys. So they just have 2 bedrooms and a study. The other bedroom goes to the girls.

 

In that case I would do baby and 5 year old in one room, 13 year old in one room with bunk beds or similar and 10 year old in the study with bunk beds or similar.  The 19 year old gets to choose whether he wants to share with the 10 year old or the 13 year old.  10 and 13 year olds are both told up front that they WILL be sharing as needed and do not get their own rooms (hence the bunk beds).  

 

If you set each room up for 2 you have the option to rearrange as kids come and go and personalities change.  Maybe over the summer the 10 and 5 year olds would want to share the study while the 19 year old winds up rooming with the baby?

[Mom in High Heels]

The 10 year old.  It has to be difficult for a 10yo to share with a sibling that much younger, especially as he gets older.  Your 13yo basically has her own room, and the 19yo is not a permanent resident, so the logical thing to do would be to give it to the 10yo, or move the 5 yo to it and let the 10yo stay in his room.