What do you tell people who ask why you homeschool?

[Alice]

My son is 4 and where we live everyone has their kids his age in preschool. He's turning 5 in the fall and misses the kindergarten cut-off date here but even so people are starting to ask me more and more about our school plans. It always seems to kill the conversation when I say we're planning on homeschooling. (This is not when I'm talking to friends. There are just people I run into at the park, library, in town, etc. and it comes up in conversation.)

 

I know I don't have to say anything beyond "it's what we think will be best for our family right now." ...but it seems that people immediately get defensive and want to defend their school choices. I really think it's fine for people to choose public or private schools or whatever....it's just not for us right now.

 

I'm sure you all get asked this a lot more than me and I'm wondering how people handle it gracefully. :)

[Mrs Mungo]

It works best for our family. It helps that we're a military family. It's an easy excuse because it gives us much-needed stability in their education and flexibility with their schedule.

[sassenach]

Most strangers don't really want to know why we homeschool. If you do explain your reasons, most people are going to feel defensive. If I am asked why, my answer depends on what I sense from the person. If I sense genuine interest, I may go into detail. If I sense that they want me to prove something to them, then I give them a generic, "My husband and I feel that it's the best choice for our family." And leave it at that. There will always be critics.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

I just say that it is simply the right choice for our family. That's pretty much what it boils down to. There are a lot of other "reasons" but I don't really want to debate them with others. So the right choice just works well.

[EKS]

I say, "It works for us."

 

Usually I preface this by telling the person that my older son was having difficulty in 1st grade, so we decided to homeschool and then liked it so much we just never stopped.

 

I *don't* talk about all the other reasons we homeschool. I don't want the person I'm talking with to feel defensive about their own choices.

[Jackie in AR]

My son is 4 and where we live everyone has their kids his age in preschool. He's turning 5 in the fall and misses the kindergarten cut-off date here but even so people are starting to ask me more and more about our school plans. It always seems to kill the conversation when I say we're planning on homeschooling. (This is not when I'm talking to friends. There are just people I run into at the park, library, in town, etc. and it comes up in conversation.)

 

I know I don't have to say anything beyond "it's what we think will be best for our family right now." ...but it seems that people immediately get defensive and want to defend their school choices. I really think it's fine for people to choose public or private schools or whatever....it's just not for us right now.

 

I'm sure you all get asked this a lot more than me and I'm wondering how people handle it gracefully. :)

 

 

"We all enjoy it and it works very well for our family." Most people who have asked me about it lately seem very positive towards hsing, so that has been pleasant. :)

[PinkInTheBlue]

Another vote here for "It's just what works best for our family". If they ask another question I usually just say "It's what we've done since the beginning and it's worked wonderfully. I say whatever is best for each individual family" and move one. That's only in response to people who I feel like could lead into a 3rd-degree type conversation. That's very seldom. Most people are very respectful or really don't care.

[BusyBee]

I am asked this question often and I always answer that we homeschool because it is the best education that we can give our children. I have learned that I do not to care what response I get or what they think of me. I have met people that think our decision is wonderful and people who think we have completely lost our mind (if we had one to begin with).

 

I am not sure there is a graceful way to tell someone you homeschool. We all homeschool for different reasons and teach in ways that fit our family best. So just tell them the reason you homeschool and if the response is ugly, move down to the other end of the park bench and take comfort in knowing that you are doing what is best for your family.

[Elaine]

'Cuz regular school won't take my kids.:eek:

 

 

 

 

 

No, I'm kidding, I've never said that. But in all honesty, I rarely get asked that question.

[Valerie in Chicago]

Seriously, living in Chicago, that's about all you have to say. Most people here know that if you don't score a slot in a handful of select magnet schools, that there is really no point in sending your kids in there. I add that DD misses the Sept 1st cutoff, and then wrap it with, "so we're just getting started now instead." Plus I might throw in all of her activities around town and shrug -- "we figure that's preschool."

 

As I get to know someone, I'll mention that we're homeschooling. No one has had a problem with it to my face yet. In fact, most everyone seems to know someone who either is doing it or has done it.

[Jackie in AR]

'Cuz regular school won't take my kids.:eek:

 

OK, I am really LOL!

 

I'm going to try to use that sometime, I really am. :D

[MOCA]

I guess Bill Clinton's line..."because I can" wouldn't meet your goal?!

[Diana in OR]

He missed the cutoff date for kindergarten by 4 days. He's 14 now, and going to ps this year for the first time. Basically, I just told people that he missed the cutoff date for K and I thought he was ready to start school.

 

Back in those days, we couldn't have afforded the $35/month for preschool, so he wouldn't have gone anyway.

[LG Gone Wild]

"Schools don't seem to be offering classical education these days" OR "Regular school seems like a drag to me."

[RenJac1501]

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG ,:mad: I was Told AGAIN that the child/children has no social interactions UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG Im sick of that so I simply said

 

He has Church 3 times a week, the kids go out for dinner at times and skating, he has plenty interaction with other children.

[Amy in MD]

"We all enjoy it and it works very well for our family." Most people who have asked me about it lately seem very positive towards hsing, so that has been pleasant. :)

 

We say the same thing and it works. Our children are a good testimony which minimizes snarky comments... they are a pleasure to be around, well mannered and thoughtful.

 

Amy

[Kris]

I just tell them the school was as happy see us leave as we were.

[Alice]

Thanks for the input! I haven't had anyone be negative..it's more of a blank look or an immediate "Oh, I could never do that because ______."

 

I think I knew that something along the lines of "It's just what we feel is best for our family." is all I need to say. I just wanted to hear it from those more experienced. I've also said "Because I think it will be fun." But I may really have to try Elaine's answer. :)

[Tutor]

I know I don't have to say anything beyond "it's what we think will be best for our family right now." ...but it seems that people immediately get defensive and want to defend their school choices. I really think it's fine for people to choose public or private schools or whatever....it's just not for us right now.

 

I pretty much leave it where you do. However, when I sense the other person getting defensive, I will often respond with, "I am glad that you found an educational situation that works well for your family." For some reason, many fell judged because they aren't homeschooling, so some reassurance that it's okay not to seems to help.

[Tracey in TX]

"I have five children and five different reasons to homeschool."

If someone wants more information, I will give it. Most people are receptive to the idea, and many say they've considered it.

To those who don't approve, I hope their school experience is positive.

[Cindyg]

I've never had anyone ask. But I would probably simply say, "We love it!" or "It's wonderful!" How can anyone argue with or take offense at that?

 

But your question is actually different. You're not homeschooling yet, right? So you can't say you love it and it's wonderful. After you've homeschooled a while, your circle of acquaintances will likely change to include more homeschoolers and fewer non-homeschoolers. You won't be constantly breaking away from your circle of friends, which you are right now. Most of your friends with kids your age are sending their kids to school. And you aren't. So you're breaking away from them. That puts you in an awkward position, and you won't be in that position forever.

 

So you need a quick answer that incorporates why are you PLANNING to homeschool? Why aren't you staying on the same path with the rest of us?

 

Unless you're talking to your parents or in-laws, they don't really want the entire list of things you considered in making your choice. They don't care that much. It's just a quick curiosity.

 

How about simply answering, "We're really excited about it!" Or "We see it as an extension of stay-at-home parenting." Or even, "It's just something we want to try." Something quick and simple.

[Plaid Dad]

I've also learned to give a short answer ("It's what works best for our family") and only to elaborate if people press the issue. The usual reasons I'll give then are (1) dd's particular needs (academic acceleration plus sensory issues) and (2) family togetherness.

[Sunshine State Sue]

My son has a December birthday. We started "formally" hs'ing in January after he turned 5. I didn't tell anyone that we were homeschooling until he would have been officially in K. By then, I had a bit of confidence.

 

When asked, I just say that I figure I can teach him better one-on-one than the best teacher who has 20+ kids.

[Remudamom]

I usually say something like... Because I worked in our ps and the world would have to come to an end before we sent ours there.

 

Or because I can do a better job than the ps.

 

Or I just fall over laughing.

 

Don't mind me, my kids all shout "Down with Tyranny" when we pass our local ps.

[Chris in VA]

Oh no, Doran has rubbed off on me.

[Doran]

"None of your d@mn business."

 

Oh no, Doran has rubbed off on me.

 

You get all bold and sassy, then blame it on me!? :p

 

To the OP, I sometimes find it's best to just nod and suddenly remember you're late for an appointment. :D

 

Doran

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I'm sure you all get asked this a lot more than me and I'm wondering how people handle it gracefully. :)

 

How about "It just seems a shame to wait to let him learn just because he doesn't match the school's calendar."

 

I found when we lived in Germany that the more confidence I projected about our choice, the more acceptance we seemed to get. Or at least people figured that it wasn't worth a fight. By the time we left, I had teachers from several countries sharing tips and books with me and other wives would proudly introduce me as homeschooling and doing a great job. It was too funny.

 

I've also had some success in letting the other people be experts sharing experience with me. Not about education but about their subject matter. So I might ask someone if they could recommend any books on local birds or local legends or great botanical gardens to visit. Or I might ask if they know anything about the zoo or the aquarium or any other neutral topic.

[HSMom2One]

I try to keep it short and simple too, and if they press I tell them that ps simply cannot meet the needs of every child and every family. Most people nod at that and seem satisfied. Once in awhile someone is concerned about the social interaction issue and when I tell them all the activities and playdates my dd is involved with they just smile and drop it.

 

Our neighbor and I were talking over the fence one day and I mentioned that we are homeschooling this year. His reply was, "Oh. Isn't that a BURDEN?" He was amazed when I replied, "Goodness no, it's a joy and we love it." He was very quiet and hasn't brought it up since.

[momo4]

I saw this quote at the end of a homeschoolers email and thought it would be a good response. "I have seen the tribe and I don't want it to raise my children."

[JWSJ]

I say "Academics."

[Luanne]

and she was truly my friend (not just someone I encountered who was asking questions) who said she didn't understand why I homeschooled my daughter. I find it interesting however though that she has homeschooled her children for about 5 years now herself when things when not-so-good at the public school her children were attending.

[battlemaiden]

My dh found a great starter sentence when someone asks us why we homeschool.

 

"No type of education is perfect, and homeschooling has some drawbacks"

 

We have found that it disarms people.

 

We usually follow up that statement with something like, "but of all the imperfections, we can live with the ones homeschooling brings the easiest"

 

Jo

[Colleen]

If someone did ask, I'd assume they were just plain curious. No defensive reaction or lengthy explanation required on my part.:)

[Marie in Oh]

but the one that makes sense to most people, no matter what they think about homeschooling is,

 

"My dh is in the military, we move alot, and we want to provide continuity in our dc's education. All school districts are not equal."

 

They usually nod their heads and say "that makes sense."

 

I don't usually tell them that we would hs them anyway, regardless of dh's profession. They don't need to know, and often that would open up another can of worms. I just try not to make someone feel bad for their school choices, ya know what I mean?

[Volty]

We prefer to paint ourselves blue and frolic in the forest.

[Doran]

We prefer to paint ourselves blue and frolic in the forest.

 

 

Hey, we're the purple ones. Haven't we seen you before? :p

 

Doran

[Alice]

I've never had anyone ask. But I would probably simply say, "We love it!" or "It's wonderful!" How can anyone argue with or take offense at that?

 

But your question is actually different. You're not homeschooling yet, right? So you can't say you love it and it's wonderful. After you've homeschooled a while, your circle of acquaintances will likely change to include more homeschoolers and fewer non-homeschoolers. You won't be constantly breaking away from your circle of friends, which you are right now. Most of your friends with kids your age are sending their kids to school. And you aren't. So you're breaking away from them. That puts you in an awkward position, and you won't be in that position forever.

 

So you need a quick answer that incorporates why are you PLANNING to homeschool? Why aren't you staying on the same path with the rest of us?

 

Unless you're talking to your parents or in-laws, they don't really want the entire list of things you considered in making your choice. They don't care that much. It's just a quick curiosity.

 

How about simply answering, "We're really excited about it!" Or "We see it as an extension of stay-at-home parenting." Or even, "It's just something we want to try." Something quick and simple.

 

 

Cindy- This is EXACTLY what I was feeling without expressing it very well. I didn't mean to imply in the original post that people are giving me a hard time. It's more that I'll be at the park/music class/pool/etc and the subject of school comes up. Where I live everyone sends their kids to preschool...to the point where if I meet someone else whose kids aren't in preschool I assume they are planning on homeschooling. So usually there is a conversation going on comparing preschools/discussing things like whether or not to "hold your kids back from kindergarten", etc and I just have nothing to say. It does cause me to sort of stand out from the group...and at this point I only know homeschoolers with older kids so we aren't really hanging out with them much.

 

The main reason (but not the only one) that we are planning on homeschooling is academics but we live in an area with what is considered a very good school system and one in which people are hyper-competitive about kids in general. So, when someone does ask me why we're planning on homeschooling it's hard to say what the real reason is without generating a lot of defensiveness.

 

Also, I'm a pediatrician and the other place this seems to come up the most is at work. Not with patients...I don't usually discuss my personal life with them (although I do have a handful of homeschooling families and I've talked to them about it a little)...but with other doctors and nurses.

 

Anyway...thanks for all the input from everyone. It's given me some things to think about. I'm feeling lucky (yet again) that I found these boards at this very early stage in our journey. Lots of brains to pick. :D