Catwoman Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: So, do men trust other men more than they trust bears? Well, I can tell you that my husband trusts that other men won't come into our yard at night and dump our garbage cans and throw trash all over our lawn, but he does not trust that bears won't do it. 😉 Edited April 23 by Catwoman I can't type a single sentence without a typo! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 1 hour ago, Heartstrings said: When you tell your beautiful 16 year old daughter to be careful leaving work after dark, are you worried about bears or a man? I don’t think that is a fair comparison. We weren’t worried about a bear because the chance of her encountering a bear when she was leaving work was effectively zero. The chance of her encountering a person who was on drugs was not zero. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 2 minutes ago, Catwoman said: Honestly, the entire TikTok topic seems to be more of the usual, "Look how scary and dangerous men are! FEAR MEN!" rhetoric that I see so often online. Fair. So, what are your actual experiences out with teenage daughters and strange men lately? I have two teen daughters and two young adult men. My young adult men can ride public transport relatively safely here by themselves. My teen daughters have had incidents even when with us. There are real patterns of behavior they experience around “strange” men and they arent wrong to be wary as a result. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 2 minutes ago, Catwoman said: Honestly, the entire TikTok topic seems to be more of the usual, "Look how scary and dangerous men are! FEAR MEN!" rhetoric that I see so often online. Fear is an interesting topic, though. One of my neighbours felt threatened by the way I asked him a question over the fence and yelled a bunch of accusations at me that didn't have any basis in his experience of me and felt perfectly justified about it. Now he is much bigger than me, better trained and can shout longer, louder and nastier than I can. What threat am I to him really? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 1 minute ago, Catwoman said: Well, I can tell you that my husband trusts that other men won't come into our yard at night and dump our garbage cans and throw trash all over our lawn, but he does not trust that bears won't do it. 😉 We have problems with both. The houseless raid our trash cans for recycling they can turn in for the deposit money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 Just now, prairiewindmomma said: Fair. So, what are your actual experiences out with teenage daughters and strange men lately? I have two teen daughters and two young adult men. My young adult men can ride public transport relatively safely here by themselves. My teen daughters have had incidents even when with us. There are real patterns of behavior they experience around “strange” men and they arent wrong to be wary as a result. Again, I have never said it was a bad idea to take safety precautions. I just don't think we should be encouraging women to live in daily fear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: Fear is an interesting topic, though. One of my neighbours felt threatened by the way I asked him a question over the fence and yelled a bunch of accusations at me that didn't have any basis in his experience of me and felt perfectly justified about it. Now he is much bigger than me, better trained and can shout longer, louder and nastier than I can. What threat am I to him really? Maybe he realizes that you're smarter than he is, and he shouts and acts like a bully because he knows he can't beat you in a civil discussion. Or maybe he's just a cowardly jerk. (Or both!) Either way, I'm sorry you have to deal with him. Edited April 23 by Catwoman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 4 minutes ago, Catwoman said: Maybe he realizes that you're smarter than he is, and he shouts and acts like a bully because he knows he can't beat you in a civil discussion. Or maybe he's just a cowardly jerk. (Or both!) Either way, I'm sorry you have to deal with him. Nah, none of the above. No need to be sorry. He's quite good value most of the time. It's just strange to have a big guy afraid of me when he's got even less to be afraid of me about than I have to be afraid about him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Tiggywinkle Again Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 It’s a really interesting thing that I’ve been thinking since I watched those TikToks. I travel frequently, almost always alone. And almost always to large cities. I truthfully have never actually felt unsafe from strangers. I don’t park under lights, I don’t care my keys in any specific way, I go for runs on isolated trails by myself. I drink alone at bars especially when I’m traveling(alone might not be accurate; I’m usually hanging out with colleagues, but no one I would really expect to look out for me). I also have never been assaulted in any form outside of work, where unfortunately being assaulted by patients is relatively common. So maybe I am an outlier. I also live someplace where I encounter bears. They don’t frighten me either. But 20 years of working on an urban ambulance has taught me it is generally not strangers who cause harm. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 17 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: So, do men trust other men more than they trust bears? From the responses I’ve seen, no. But they feel like saying “men” isn’t fair because they themselves are good guys. It reminds me a bit about how statics say 1 in 4 or 1 in 3 women have been assaulted by a man and yet no man ever seems to know a dude who could/would/has assaulted a woman. All these men that are doing the assaulting seem to just pop over from a different dimension, assault Earth women, then pop back. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 (edited) dp Edited April 23 by Heartstrings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 1 minute ago, Heartstrings said: From the responses I’ve seen, no. But they feel like saying “men” isn’t fair because they themselves are good guys. Well, if that's how they feel, I guess we needn't scold ourselves if we feel the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 (edited) 24 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said: So, what are your actual experiences out with teenage daughters and strange men lately? I have two teen daughters and two young adult men. My young adult men can ride public transport relatively safely here by themselves. My teen daughters have had incidents even when with us. There are real patterns of behavior they experience around “strange” men and they arent wrong to be wary as a result. Both I and one of my teen daughters are fine riding public transit by ourselves, and have done so in multiple cities. My other daughter hates riding public transit. She says that the guys on public transit are creepy. I don’t think that my more fearful daughter is experiencing radically different people from me or her sister. Her sister radiates confidence while she does not, and people respond accordingly. Does this mean that public transit is less safe for my more fearful daughter? Maybe. But not simply because she is female. If gender alone was the deciding factor, how would you account for our different experiences, given that we are all female? Edited April 23 by Kuovonne 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 29 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: So, do men trust other men more than they trust bears? In the tik tok the woman asks a father. He struggles to answer mightily. I can’t remember if he settles on man or bear but I think he means bear. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 3 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: Well, if that's how they feel, I guess we needn't scold ourselves if we feel the same. If only the bad guys would come out and say they were bad and if only only good guys were allowed to say they were good. Bad guys claiming to be good but actually being bad seems to be the crux of a lot of issues. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 I’d pick the bear. I just wouldn’t be able to bring myself to trust that I wouldn’t end up with a psycho. The odds would be good that I wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t want to chance it. I don’t feel spikes of fear around men, so I don’t live in fear. But at the same time, I’m aware that there are enough bad actors out there that I should take precautions so that I’m never vulnerable around a man who could possibly attempt harm. And I know that men fear other men. Other men aren’t the prey as often as women are to bad men, but sometimes a man will attack another man, depending on the situation (mugging or something.) I haven’t heard of a man fearing a woman physically. They might fear that a woman will make them look dumb, but they rarely fear that she’ll fly at him and cause him serious physical harm. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 34 minutes ago, Kuovonne said: . Does this mean that public transit is less safe for my more fearful daughter? Maybe. But not simply because she is female. If gender alone was the deciding factor, how would you account for our different experiences, given that we are all female? I would say she is less safe, 100%. Her fearfulness is triggering the “prey” drive in the predatory men that you and your other daughter aren’t triggering. It’s not just being female, it’s female+Fear=potential target. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 (edited) . Edited April 26 by prairiewindmomma 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wathe Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Garga said: I haven’t heard of a man fearing a woman physically. They might fear that a woman will make them look dumb, but they rarely fear that she’ll fly at him and cause him serious physical harm. Quote above made me think of this famous quote,“Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” Margaret Atwood I send my kids into the woods with both men and black bears on a regular basis (scouts). Safe scouting data and scouting history show that the men are more dangerous than the bears. (ETA:To clarify , my kids specifically have never had an issue with either, and their scout leaders are men I trust) Edited April 23 by wathe 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 (edited) I have taken more precautions against bears in my life than against men. Black bears don't want to harm you, but they want your food, and that can end badly. For hungry grizzlies, humans *are* food. Stats don't make sense here because there are few situations when a human is exposed to bears, compared to many more situations when she is exposed to other humans. If I have to pick between ONE bear vs ONE random man in close encounter, I would choose the man, because the probability that he is a normal dude who doesn't want to harm me is much higher than the chance that the bear is neither hungry nor interested in my food nor feels threatened by my proximity. Edited April 23 by regentrude 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 23 Author Share Posted April 23 According to the article I linked above, children are extremely unlikely to be attacked by a brown bear worldwide. It’s mostly adult men who are hunting who get attacked, and more than half the time because of mother/cubs. Apparently bears find adult males dangerous but children are not considered to be either dangerous or food. I have to wonder if the correlation doesn’t have more to do with hunting bringing men deeper into the forest than children are likely to go though. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 49 minutes ago, Heartstrings said: I would say she is less safe, 100%. Her fearfulness is triggering the “prey” drive in the predatory men that you and your other daughter aren’t triggering. It’s not just being female, it’s female+Fear=potential target. I can see that, but also… I’m not sure. My dds are pretty tough, almost aggressive. The one who works in a coffee chain is still harassed by creepy men at work. Does creepy = dangerous? Not definitively. But it does trigger spidey senses. Her new go-to is to look them dead in the eyes and say, “I’m 16.” Fortunately, she can convincingly pull off passing as a minor to strangers. Yet she was assaulted by a male “friend”. Trust can’t just be thrown about Willy nilly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 11 minutes ago, Katy said: According to the article I linked above, children are extremely unlikely to be attacked by a brown bear worldwide. It’s mostly adult men who are hunting who get attacked, and more than half the time because of mother/cubs. Apparently bears find adult males dangerous but children are not considered to be either dangerous or food. I have to wonder if the correlation doesn’t have more to do with hunting bringing men deeper into the forest than children are likely to go though. yeah, that would certainly skew things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 23 Author Share Posted April 23 3 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said: I can see that, but also… I’m not sure. My dds are pretty tough, almost aggressive. The one who works in a coffee chain is still harassed by creepy men at work. Does creepy = dangerous? Not definitively. But it does trigger spidey senses. Her new go-to is to look them dead in the eyes and say, “I’m 16.” Fortunately, she can convincingly pull off passing as a minor to strangers. Yet she was assaulted by a male “friend”. Trust can’t just be thrown about Willy nilly. I think she is statistically less safe just for having already been assaulted. Both women and children who were victims once are more likely to be victims again. I don’t have a link. I think I first heard that on Oprah from the guy who wrote the fear books. Whoever said it, she confirmed she had in fact been the victim of two men as a child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 50 minutes ago, Heartstrings said: 1 hour ago, Kuovonne said: . Does this mean that public transit is less safe for my more fearful daughter? Maybe. But not simply because she is female. If gender alone was the deciding factor, how would you account for our different experiences, given that we are all female? Expand I would say she is less safe, 100%. Her fearfulness is triggering the “prey” drive in the predatory men that you and your other daughter aren’t triggering. It’s not just being female, it’s female+Fear=potential target. I agree that being fearful does make one more of a target. But, in our particular cases, I’m not sure she actually was significantly less safe. She was significantly more uncomfortable, but I think her chances of being kidnapped, raped, killed, or similar were still pretty small. (If I felt there was a significant danger, I would not have her ride public transit.) She also only rides public transit in the middle of the day when there are lots of people around, or when traveling with others. On the other hand, there are also dangers from being overly confident, such as overlooking actual dangers or venturing into more dangerous situations. I have scolded my more confident daughter for riding public transit by herself late at night. (Which is a bit hypocritical of me, since I have also ridden public transit by myself late at night.) Tangentially related, the person I know in real life who has come to the most harm from “strangers” was a teenage male. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 14 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said: Her new go-to is to look them dead in the eyes and say, “I’m 16.” Fortunately, she can convincingly pull off passing as a minor to strangers. Does that line work for her? It didn’t work well for my daughter. But my daughter probably did not say it with as much confidence as yours. Plus, when she actually was 16, my daughter looked much older. Her impression was that the creepy guys didn’t care that she was a minor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SanDiegoMom Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 3 hours ago, Heartstrings said: You seriously take no precautions for safety? You don’t park under lights if you’re leaving after dark, or make sure to have your keys out? You let your kids go to whoever’s house and spend the night? I have done the first in the past and we didn't do sleepovers because it's not really a thing in the circles now -- she has done them in the past but I just don't see a scenario where I DON'T know the person. However, tbh I would probably be more cautious about the sleepover than the other examples -- nighttime in the parking lot, peeking into the back seat of the car (that seems the most extreme to me - the car is locked, what the heck). I run at night occasionally and did so in college even while we had a serial rapist who hadn't been caught - I took reasonable precautions and would expect my daughter to do so as well if she ever took up running. I would be more worried about one of us getting bitten by a rattlesnake on our local trail or running out of water than being harmed by someone I met running solo. There is a memorial nearby of a high school girl that was raped and murdered on a trail during a solo run. I think of her and her family when I run past, but it doesn't affect my sense of safety one bit. If I am going to worry about safety, I will worry about something that is much more likely to happen, such as a traffic accident. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted April 23 Share Posted April 23 1 hour ago, regentrude said: I would choose the man, because the probability that he is a normal dude who doesn't want to harm me I would choose the man, but not because I think he is less likely to harm me than a bear. I would choose the man because I think a man is more likely to be HELPFUL, and I know that the bear will not be helpful. Realistically, the best case scenario with a bear is that the bear will leave you alone. But the best case scenario with the man is either quicker rescue or a fun camping trip (depending on your point of view). (The worst case scenario for both bear and man is the same: a slow, painful death.) Why do people think of the choice as the lesser of two evils, when one of the choices probably is actually a benefit? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SanDiegoMom Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 Public transit is a whole different animal. I absolutely believethere can be a much greater chance of having uncomfortable encounters. But not necessarily dangerous ones - just uncomfortable. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuovonne Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 2 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom said: Public transit is a whole different animal. Lol. If it were a question of being on a subway with a bear or a man as the only other occupant, would there be any discussion? 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 8 hours ago, gardenmom5 said: What kind of bear? black bear, usually aren't an issue. . . . Grizzly - no freaking way. Came to say the same. Black bears are no big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathyl Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 When we lived in the woods with the (black) bears, I once asked my youngish kids what they thought was the most dangerous thing in the woods. They guessed a few things and then I told them it was the "people". Not the bears. They looked a little surprised, but kinda understood it. The reason I told them that was that black bears are generally skittish unless it's mating season, they have cubs with them, or you are between them and their food source. But the hunters were usually already breaking the law by trespassing on our land - so one strike against them right there. And, then, some of them would shoot at a deer no matter WHO was out there - on their own property - nearby. And so on. Then, there was the fact that we knew who some of them were and I really didn't want ANY of my kids out there alone in the woods with them - sons OR daughters. But I'm not sure why anyone would be "leaving" their dd out in the woods in the first place?? I think the question was worded oddly. Also, I have 3 grown dd's and they've all worked in law enforcement of some kind. So they've seen some of the worst out there. And they still go hiking on trails alone, etc. So far, they've been fine. But it does worry me a little bit sometimes. As for my sons, when they go running, the worst thing they run into in the woods OR in town here are the aggressive dogs not on leashes. 😒 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 1 hour ago, Kuovonne said: Does that line work for her? It didn’t work well for my daughter. But my daughter probably did not say it with as much confidence as yours. Plus, when she actually was 16, my daughter looked much older. Her impression was that the creepy guys didn’t care that she was a minor. It seems to, but I’m sure the public aspect of coworkers and regulators plays a part in that, compared to a random encounter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 (edited) 2 hours ago, SanDiegoMom said: peeking into the back seat of the car (that seems the most extreme to me - the car is locked, what the heck). You’ve clearly not seen the first Saw movie. I’ll never recover. I don’t even like horror movies, I have no idea why I even saw that movie. Although the advice predates that movie, probably from Oprah or similar. You’re suppose to look under the car too but I’m not doing that. I honestly don’t usually check mine but I do sometimes creep myself out in my minivan where I can’t see the very back. Checking the backseat is one of those advised sensible precautions we’re supposed to take. Goodness knows if a woman is attacked in her car from the backseat every Karen and Becki across the country will be tsk tsking about how it’s really the victims fault for not checking like you’re supposed to and it would never happen to them because they religiously check. Edited April 24 by Heartstrings 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 I think this thought exercise isn’t about statistics. It is about feelings. A bear is more predictable than a man because we don’t know what kind of man stands before us., Today I told my mom this thought exercise and she told me this story. She was late teens when an acquaintance stopped by her parents house. She said he was creepy toward her but her dad did not notice. The next day her parents left the house and as soon as they were gone this man drove up. She said she instantly knew he was there to harm he and she went into a closet that latched from the outside and stuck her fingers through a hole near the latch and latched it. This man entered the home and went from room to room looking for her. That is a type of fear you don’t know until you know it. 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 1 minute ago, Scarlett said: I think this thought exercise isn’t about statistics. It is about feelings. A bear is more predictable than a man because we don’t know what kind of man stands before us., Today I told my mom this thought exercise and she told me this story. She was late teens when an acquaintance stopped by her parents house. She said he was creepy toward her but her dad did not notice. The next day her parents left the house and as soon as they were gone this man drove up. She said she instantly knew he was there to harm he and she went into a closet that latched from the outside and stuck her fingers through a hole near the latch and latched it. This man entered the home and went from room to room looking for her. That is a type of fear you don’t know until you know it. Wow, that's so creepy! Your mom was incredibly quick-thinking to come up with the idea of locking the closet from the outside so the man wouldn't realize she was in there. What did her parents say when they found out what the man had done? They must have been horrified! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 Just now, Catwoman said: Wow, that's so creepy! Your mom was incredibly quick-thinking to come up with the idea of locking the closet from the outside so the man wouldn't realize she was in there. What did her parents say when they found out what the man had done? They must have been horrified! She did not tell. And 60 years later does not know why. She thinks she feared what her dad would do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clemsondana Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 This is such an odd question. I'd rather have a person than a bear, and statistically its likely that the man that I'm with is going to be perfectly safe, and most likely helpful. But, there are other ways to think about this. I've stopped at rest areas at night and it always feels a little concerning if there is just one guy or nobody that I can see, but there's no worry if there are many people coming and going, or even if I'm just there with one other person. One time we stopped at a rest area and there was a family of bears wandering through - we saw them as we were exiting to go back to the car. That was concerning even though there were people everywhere! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 42 minutes ago, Scarlett said: I think this thought exercise isn’t about statistics. It is about feelings. Yes. This exactly articulates it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHP Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 6 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said: We have problems with both. The houseless raid our trash cans for recycling they can turn in for the deposit money. Aside, we place the recycling The houseless can turn in for money separately. It makes it easier for them and there is less risk of a mess being made while they dig. We don't have bears, lots of houseless though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SHP Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 I would take the bear. Most men might be fine, I have encountered one that had malicious intent. It only takes one time. In general I don't have problems with random men. I have encountered random men late at night on public transit. Never a problem. In fact they are often fully aware and will call ahead where they are going if they are passing. "Going to the bus stop" "going to the bike share" and they speed up to walk past so that they don't guve the impression of following. And still, it only took that one man for me to not be willing to take the risk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 24 minutes ago, SHP said: Aside, we place the recycling The houseless can turn in for money separately. It makes it easier for them and there is less risk of a mess being made while they dig. We don't have bears, lots of houseless though. We don’t actually purchase anything that has deposits. People just look through everyone’s bins on trash day and so ours get hit too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 15 hours ago, pinball said: Did you see the ignorant people who pulled the baby bear cubs OUT OF A TREE and took pictures with them?! That would be bad enough, because the cubs were terrified. What happened next is even worse. The cubs ran off. One has not been found. He is not old enough to survive on his own. The other cub was found in a pond, favoring one front paw, wet, shivering, and scared. He will have to go into a rehabilitation facility and cannot be reunited with his mother. It's infuriating and horrible. Can you imagine being mama bear and coming back to find your cubs gone? No one was charged in the incident. 😠 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 1 hour ago, MercyA said: That would be bad enough, because the cubs were terrified. What happened next is even worse. The cubs ran off. One has not been found. He is not old enough to survive on his own. The other cub was found in a pond, favoring one front paw, wet, shivering, and scared. He will have to go into a rehabilitation facility and cannot be reunited with his mother. It's infuriating and horrible. Can you imagine being mama bear and coming back to find your cubs gone? No one was charged in the incident. 😠 I think this is furthering my feeling that I’d rather see a bear in the woods than a man, or really a human in general. Humans are the only creature capable of this level of ignorant dumba$$ery. The bear might attack me, but what it won’t do is do something so ridiculously stupid that it gets me killed on accident. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 (edited) I don't use tiktok so I can't view the link. But anyhoo ... the OP says "daughter" but it doesn't say the age. If we're talking about a girl in puberty or younger, it's rare that men are attracted to girls of that age in any event. The risks to girls of that age group are much greater with people they or their parents know / trust. Now if you're talking about an older teen girl, I would hope to give her some tools to keep herself safe(r) against both men and bears should she find herself alone in the woods. And of course it also depends on the type of bear. Not that any species of bear is reliably safe when disturbed, but she's more likely to make it out alive after an encounter with a smaller bear vs a larger bear. As has been stated, even in rough areas, most men are not likely to harm people they don't know and don't have a particular beef with. Rob, maybe, but rape and kill, unlikely. If we're talking about statistics, I'd trust a man in the woods to help me, with reservations. Now if we were talking about a neighborhood known for violent crime, that might be different. That said, I've needed to request help from men in sketchy areas, and lived to tell about it; but I'm not purposely sending my teen daughters to do the same. Edited April 24 by SKL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 15 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said: Fair. So, what are your actual experiences out with teenage daughters and strange men lately? I have two teen daughters and two young adult men. My young adult men can ride public transport relatively safely here by themselves. My teen daughters have had incidents even when with us. There are real patterns of behavior they experience around “strange” men and they arent wrong to be wary as a result. I had incidents as a young adult in the city, but my male friends had worse incidents (multiple cases of armed robbery, which never happened to me). I suppose there could be a long list of reasons why the difference. For example, maybe I have a shorter list of places I'll walk alone at night on purpose. It might even be possible that men are more likely to commit armed robbery on other men given a choice. (No idea if the stats would back that up.) My mom did get attacked by a serial rapist when she was walking to her car after work. (She was able to fight him off, thankfully.) But while that one guy was indeed dangerous to women, there were many more men who could be trusted - for example, the guys who walked her to her car after that night. Of all the men in my life, afaik not one of them has ever attacked a female, with the exception of one dude I dated, and that was domestic violence. I doubt even he would physically harm a stranger, male or female. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartstrings Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 (edited) 22 minutes ago, SKL said: f all the men in my life, afaik not one of them has ever attacked a female, with the exception of one dude I dated, and that was domestic violence. I doubt even he would physically harm a stranger, male or female. That’s the rub though isn’t it? How many mothers said that about their parish priest, until the Catholic Sex Abuse Scandal broke? Or the SBC scandal? How many mothers said that about Boy Scout troop leaders, until that broke? How many mothers have said that about soccer coaches, neighbors, teachers, church people, even family members and husbands, only to be proven so wrong. Some are so sure of their initial impression of that man being “good” that they never even believe their own children. Only humans are able to lie and deceive in that way. Other predators don’t disguise themselves, the bear isn’t dressed up as a golden retriever so we’ll come close enough. Edited April 24 by Heartstrings 3 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 24 Author Share Posted April 24 Maybe that’s the difference. I know multiple men who have attacked or SA’d women and children. And I know multiple women who were attacked by strangers. We’ve had multiple kids in our house who were victims of abuse. I was nearly kidnapped as a child, and escaped only because a police officer happened along. I don’t live in fear, but I am aware and I trust my gut. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 While black bears overall attack less than grizzlies or brown bears, they do indeed attack. A number of years ago, a woman in Cosby, TN was killed in a black bear attack. Cosby is adjacent to Great Smoky Mountains National Park. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 24 Share Posted April 24 22 minutes ago, Heartstrings said: That’s the rub though isn’t it? How many mothers said that about their parish priest, until the Catholic Sex Abuse Scandal broke? Or the SBC scandal? How many mothers said that about Boy Scout troop leaders, until that broke? How many mothers have said that about soccer coaches, neighbors, teachers, church people, even family members and husbands, only to be proven so wrong. Some are so sure of their initial impression of that man being “good” that they never even believe their own children. Only humans are able to lie and deceive in that way. Other predators don’t disguise themselves, the bear isn’t dressed up as a golden retriever so we’ll come close enough. Well to be fair, females can also unexpectedly harm children. In fact, I think that happens more than men harming them, so why do we insist on making it a "men suck" thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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