Help me figure out home care that I will need because dh going away for 15 days

[TravelingChris]

I am not going to be able to depend on any of my kids to help me.  My oldest daughter has a high risk pregnancy and will either be giving birth then or right before.  My son and his wife are taking two trips during this period. My youngest daughter is taking a trip too and is having surgery too.

I can't drive due to me having an old car and my neck being partially fused and my left arm not working well. I also should not be alone so long.   I am quite disabled w all my autoimmune diseases and still prone to falling though it is much better than before my back surgery. But j7st regular stuff like taking out the trash is hard for me.  I will switch my meal schedule to reg breakfast, main meal, light supper.  I am only going to hire aide that can drive me places, help me w/laundry and hanging stuff up, maybe help me cook, stuff like that. I don't need help dressing, bathing, etc.

I know of a number of agencies in town,  Any helpful suggestions of how to get help and what to look out for would be appreciated.

 

[Spryte]

Do you have any sort of fall alert system? Even an Apple Watch could be good.

Also, in that vein, Amazon Alexa used to have some helpful functions for elders that might come in handy for you (I know you’re not an elder and not lumping you in with the geriatric crowd!). It’s possible they ended those functions, but worth a look.

Can you load up the freezer with easy meals? 

Would inviting a friend for coffee a few times a week help? Just to have someone to visit and maybe enjoy some time together might be a good break.

Can a neighbor kid take out the trash, or get the mail and bring it to a table on your porch?

No idea if those are useful ideas or not what you are looking for today. 

[history-fan]

When I was checking agencies for my parents I noticed the variety of costs. Some charged by the task and some agencies charged by the half hour. So maybe finding out the policies. I couldn’t find any that would drive I had to hire a care cab for transportation. Regarding trash for bringing can to the curb I called the trash company and they offered to walk up the driveway to empty the can and replace it. Their church had parish nurses and volunteers  that were able to do certain things. I learned that Walgreens delivered meds so that helped. They had a neighbor that brought up the mail daily. I agree with previous post about having some type of fall alert device. The one we had was very helpful.  I also set up a lock box on their front door so that in case of emergency help could get in the house without breaking down the door. They got the code from the first alert company. I had a binder with all their meds  and medical info and contacts that stayed at a central location. They had a large sign on their fridge saying medical alert folder and location. 
 

I’ll try to think of more things I had lined up for them

[Ottakee]

You might want to check with your health insurance company to see if they offer any benefits for you.  Some cover these type services to help keep you out of the hospital.

[Lucy the Valiant]

Meals you can make in advance and freeze? 

Someone (a home schooled teen girl?) who could come do light cleaning / re-set / meal prep every 3-4 days? 

Can you do a Plan A (everything goes perfectly / lean more on phone calls) and a Plan B (things don't go perfectly, so you call in a church friend on standby who could come stay at night, etc)? 

(Hugs! I'd be loading up with some good-for-ya treats, too - new movie, etc.)

[TravelingChris]

48 minutes ago, Spryte said:

Do you have any sort of fall alert system? Even an Apple Watch could be good.no but I will look into that. My almost falling isn't in my home, though, mostly outside lie today I stumbled because the sidewalk was not flat but had a bump I couldn't see - it really doesn't have to be a big bump. My previous physician who retired wanted me to use walker or rollator always when out and I do use it when getting Access bus or Uber or Lyft but I don't have ramps yet and don't like to do it when fogy from Lupus or not being able to due it well  due to RA and AS,. Andal my autoimmune disease are worse in Spring due to pollen.

 

Also, in that vein, Amazon Alexa used to have some helpful functions for elders that might come in handy for you (I know you’re not an elder and not lumping you in with the geriatric crowd!). It’s possible they ended those functions, but worth a look. What kind of things? 

Can you load up the freezer with easy meals? Will ask dh

Would inviting a friend for coffee a few times a week help? Just to have someone to visit and maybe enjoy some time together might be a good break. maybe. My ddil and dd2 may come by too

Can a neighbor kid take out the trash, or get the mail and bring it to a table on your porch? No. there are none here. Just one reason I need a home aide person

No idea if those are useful ideas or not what you are looking for today. 

 

[TravelingChris]

1 hour ago, history-fan said:

When I was checking agencies for my parents I noticed the variety of costs. Some charged by the task and some agencies charged by the half hour. So maybe finding out the policies. I couldn’t find any that would drive I had to hire a care cab for transportation. 

A number of the agencies that advertise in the magazine of the local senior center say they do driving. I am not going to call one or two who specialize in alzheimer/bedridden types.

[prairiewindmomma]

You want someone licensed and bonded and who has a backup replacement. I would look at staffing agencies.

I would try to time it for late morning. They can prep lunch and supper for you, do whatever minimal errands and housekeeping you need, and grab your mail from the box. 
 

I would plan on having a voice activated phone on you at all times. My watch (which goes in the shower with me) or my phone are always in arm’s reach. I would also consider having an emergency key on the door. Lifelink offers this. Otherwise EMS has to kick in a door or a back window and it is expensive. With Lifelink, Lifelink gives EMS the code for the key box.

I agree with having an emergency backup plan also. 
 

Do you have a friend or neighbor who can do a nightly call with you as a checkin? I videocall a relative regularly to check in. I know her neighbors well and we all have a plan if she doesnt respond. (She has had some bad falls and once spent a night overnight on the floor before she got Lifelink.)

[history-fan]

The care cab company here is for people who use Walkers or wheelchairs and just need rides to dr apts or rehab. It is not for Alzheimer’s or bedridden that would be the regular ambulance.  The care cab is a van equipped to lift wheelchairs and people who can walk but have difficulty with steps.  There is just a driver no emt staff.It might be called something else where you live.

[SHP]

Might call your trash collection company and ask if they offer a porch pick up. I just learned our does for those with disabilities this past week. 

Another option is to call near by churches, even if you are not a member, and ask if they have volunteers who can help with some basic things, like bringing a meal a day, checking in on you, ect.

There are laundry pick up and drop off services, not cheap even for someone like me who loves near the laundromat. I usually drop off and pick up and have done this for others in the past. It is less work than helping them get laundry done at their house to be honest. 

Though it is probably less work to find an agency to deal with all the things instead of trying to figure each thing out.

Possibly a strange suggestion, but could you take a trip to a nearby all inclusive resort during the time? Most have laundry services, food options, concierge services for group things and can work with your disabilities. 

[TravelingChris]

12 hours ago, history-fan said:

The care cab company here is for people who use Walkers or wheelchairs and just need rides to dr apts or rehab. It is not for Alzheimer’s or bedridden that would be the regular ambulance.  The care cab is a van equipped to lift wheelchairs and people who can walk but have difficulty with steps.  There is just a driver no emt staff.It might be called something else where you live.

Our Access bus is a city specialized bus for disabled but semi ambulatory people like me or the blind, epileptics, etc who can't drive due to medical reasons .It has a lift that I use usually. You have to apply for the program w a doctor's document and when I applied, I actually qualified on more thanine category.  You also have to live within .75 miles of a regular bus route. I just make that mark.  People who are 65 and over and anyone who lives further away gets to go only if there is availability.  I have gone on the buses around 14 times and only once did I have another passenger on the bus w/me.  She was a legally blind person returning home from work.

But why I want someone who drives as a part time caretaker is because if it is raining or icing, I don't like taking the Access bus because my driveway is long and steep so bus stops on the street and I haven't walk up and down it w a walker and my gear.

[Tap]

Have you looked into using Uber or Uber Eats for options instead of paid caregivers? You could also get groceries delivery with some premade meals or ones with minimal prep. 

[Carol in Cal.]

IME in three places, caregivers have a minimum charge of 4 hours whether they stay that long or not, and the nicest, most reliable ones are the ones who are contracted for 6-8 hours or longer.  Also, they don’t always show up, so you cannot be entirely dependent on them—there always always has to be a backup plan.  

Do you have a friendship circle that would set up a meal train for you?  People sign up for those online and bring over a hot or reheatable meal.  That way you have a built in ‘check’ on you every day, so if you don’t answer the door they would know to call for help.  You could ask, if someone does this, that they include a sign up to come by and assist with a load of laundry, maybe every 3 days or something.  Get your groceries and meds delivered automatically, and hire a cleaning person to come in once during that period.  

Edited March 18 by Carol in Cal.

[KungFuPanda]

Where do you have to go that you need a driver? Will Uber or Lyft work? Do you own enough clothes that you can skip laundry for two weeks? You can catch up when DH gets home. Can you stock up with easy (purchased or homemade) freezer meals? Can you fill in the gaps with Amazon delivery or Uber eats?  
 

Can you line up check in video calls? I volunteer as tribute!  I‘m not even kidding. I can’t get to you in person but I can certainly make an emergency call to a pre-determined phone number. I’m sure I’m not the only one here willing to be on that rotation. 

[Faith-manor]

4 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

IMO in three places, caregivers have a minimum charge of 4 hours whether they stay that long or not, and the nicest, most reliable ones are the ones who are contracted for 6-8 hours or longer.  Also, they don’t always show up, so you cannot be entirely dependent on them—there always always has to be a backup plan.  

Do you have a friendship circle that would set up a meal train for you?  People sign up for those online and bring over a hot or reheatable meal.  That way you have a built in ‘check’ on you every day, so if you don’t answer the door they would know to call for help.  You could ask, if someone does this, that they include a sign up to come by and assist with a load of laundry, maybe every 3 days or something.  Get your groceries and meds delivered automatically, and hire a cleaning person to come in once during that period.  

This sounds like a good plan. 

Are there any churches in the area that provides meals for people who are confined to home? Some United Methodist Churches have done this in the past. They organize a group of individuals to make meals and deliver.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

From experience it is almost impossible to hire paid caregivers for that short of a time. Agencies want contracts and some will help with medical stuff but not household things like laundry. Or will do household cleaning and companionship but will not help with meds.  Most caregivers have a 3 hour minimum, at least, depending on the agency. And that’s if you can actually get anybody because home health care and companion  agencies are so understaffed, mostly because the reimbursements from insurance is so crappy that they pay so little.

i would either try word of mouth, seeing if you know someone or have a mutual friend with someone who does this type of work and is looking for a short gig.  Or Care.com, just make sure you put in the advertisement that it’s only for fifteen days.

[mominco]

Do you live in the Dallas,Tx area?I can come help you couple times a week before or after work . My DD's bff is a house and dog sitter and might be able to help as well. Can you find a young woman who is in college to help you everyday for a few hours.? Friends of your kids or their siblings?

Instacart and Amazon fresh are other delivery options, I have had good experience with Sam's club delivery(with their membership of course) I hope you can find someone(((hugs)))

[katilac]

On 3/17/2024 at 9:39 AM, Tap said:

Have you looked into using Uber or Uber Eats for options instead of paid caregivers? You could also get groceries delivery with some premade meals or ones with minimal prep. 

She also can't be alone for too long, though. 

[KungFuPanda]

How extensive is your Facebook network? I would ask my friends if they know anyone who wants a short term gig. Make it clear that you are cognitively clear and independent with bathing, dressing, and toileting. You’re not a physically difficult patient. If your local CC has a CNA, or really any medical, program you may be able to find a college student that could use the work. 
 

I’m still willing to be on the video call rotation to add novelty and human contact to your day 😁

[Tap]

15 hours ago, katilac said:

She also can't be alone for too long, though. 

I was thinking of some fill in. So they don’t need daily care. 

[TravelingChris]

On 3/17/2024 at 9:39 AM, Tap said:

Have you looked into using Uber or Uber Eats for options instead of paid caregivers? You could also get groceries delivery with some premade meals or ones with minimal prep. 

I already do home meal delivery  at times. 

I know I need home aid even if they aren't mak8ng meals. I can't strip bed, change sheets, carry trash bags from house to my trash can right by my house, I need help sorting my overwhelming clothes piles of out of season, different size clothes, new clothes I bought,. 

You all have no idea how disabled I am- not visibly disabled lot of the time but I just did regular things like carry a trash bag weighing maybe 8 lbs, carrying a 8 lb gallon of water a very short distance and my back has been spasming like crazy. I can't see well at times. My immune system is attacking my muscles, nervous, joints, eyes, digestive system, exocrine system, and on and on. I actually need a full time helper for a while and then probably a part time one for the rest of my life.  But we haven't won the lottery.   And now need a nearly 5k repair to replace our 1989 water heater and water pressure piping system. 

[catz]

Have you sat down and talked to your husband about this?  Is his trip necessary?  Could you go with him?  Do you have another friend or relative you could just stay with or go visit and offer up money for expenses?  Have you/your husband called any agencies to discuss your needs?  Do you have a church community you can reach out to?  Have you worked with a social worker in a hospital setting on services, etc?  Have you checked if you qualify for something through your health insurance?

Why  do you need to do things like sort through large piles of clothing while he is gone as a larger project?  I would do that when you get your husband to work with you or one of your adult kids when they have somet time.  I would just be focusing through get though that 15 days.  That might be things like 

• Social needs/check ins
• Fall alarm, which would be good to have anyway
• Uber/Lyft usage
• Packaged meal purchage/uber eats, etc

One thing is if you live near a college, you could try hiring a college student to just live with you for 2 weeks for $$$.  You'd want to check references and asking your people locally if they might have ideas.  I have a couple friends in college that worked as aides on and off through college part time.   That might be an appealing offer for some college students.  But if you are struggling, I would expect your husband to be helping you set this up and sourcing ideas and even your adult kids might have ideas.  And I'd definitely be checking if you qualify for in home services prior to setting anything up.  

 

[Myra]

It's good that you are figuring out options esp. since there is no "emergency" and just your husband going away for 15 days.  Keep a binder with all the information that you gather (contact name, numbers, etc); if a true emergency comes up, like they do unexpectedly and at the worse times, you will have a jump start with your binder already in place.  Better to get organized when  you are calm and not in the frenzy of an emergency situation.

[dsmith]

Even though she is not alone, my mil has Philip's Lifeline. We got this for her after she fell down a flight of stairs in the middle of the night. Dh and I never heard it, but thank God my son did, or she may have died. I would definitely look into that - I plan on getting one if my MS gets worse. Agencies can be very expensive. Mil was able to find people who were willing to work directly for her to help with her mother instead of the agency, but it took a while to find someone. They were paid cash, and it was about $10/hr cheaper. Not legal, but necessary financially. If you have the funds, there should be agencies that will take on temporary jobs if you are in a suburban/urban area. Mil never had trouble finding people, but again, it took a few weeks. She did start out with an agency, but most of the she paid cash came from the woman who handled the scheduling for the agency she used. She was also able to find people through the church to help with certain tasks. 

[KungFuPanda]

Is the hospital even allowed to send you home from surgery if nobody can be with you? Is this a case where going to rehab for a while afterwards makes sense?

[TexasProud]

2 hours ago, catz said:

Have you sat down and talked to your husband about this? 

 

Ok, this has been my question about all of this, why in the world is she trying to figure out all of this alone?  If my husband were disabled like TravelingChris,  "I" would be making all of the provisions so that I could travel.  Like when my dad was living with us and I had to go sing in a wedding and my husband was his best man, I didn't just leave my dad who couldn't fend for himself and say, "Good luck!"  When he was able to live alone, I made provisions for when we traveled.   If he and her children know her condition, I just don't understand why she is trying to make all of this work and they are not.  THEY are the ones who should be calling the care providers, short term home health, etc. I mean, I wouldn't leave if I couldn't make sure my spouse wasn't able to be taken care of...