Co-worker with cancer

[Amethyst]

There is a woman at work (par-time faculty member) who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She is continuing to work through her chemo treatments. I am the department head. 

We bought her a group gift which was delivered and appreciated. 

Another part-time co-worker approached me and said that the co-worker with cancer has expressed how awful the bills are. (What a ridiculous world we live in! 😠 But that's a discussion for another day). So, the second co-worker asked me, as the dept head, about the possibility of doing a collection to help with the bills. She said that cancer co-worker has refused a Go Fund Me. 

My personal feeling is that if she refused the Go Fund Me, she doesn't want us to do a collection. The second co-worker feels like if we just do the collection, and give it to her, she won't be able to refuse it. (I also think second co-worker would like me to involve the whole college, not just my dept). 

Complicating things is that I know that the second co-worker (and a third co-worker who later mentioned hearing about a possible collection) is in a desperate financial situation (as is third co-worker). I sympathize with the sick co-worker, I really really do.

But fundraisers like this just bother me on so many levels. We have a "Sunshine Club" for flowers etc when someone's family member dies etc. That's fine. But we've not done big collections like this. Sick co-worker has expressed she doesn't want fundraiser. And what happens when the next person gets sick? 

Maybe I'm just a cold human being, but I don't think it's advisable to do a collection in the workplace. Tell me if you think I'm wrong. Or if you agree with me. I need some insight. 

Edited January 29 by Amethyst

[Arcadia]

Its a can of worms. As you said, there is a chance the other co-worker wants a fundraiser for herself in the near future.

My cancer treatment bills cost us $6k the first year and about $4k the second year as I started treatment in Feb 2019 and finished in June 2020. The followup routine checkups were about $3k each year. We obviously say it’s expensive but that doesn’t mean we want a fundraiser. We were assigned a social worker automatically but we don’t qualify for any aid. 

[history-fan]

Sorry to here about your coworker. They may change their mind as time goes by about the go fund me  but some people just don’t like the idea. Another option that I have seen is coworkers donating their sick days to the person needing it. Maybe they would be willing to accept that option if HR would agree to it.

[SKL]

The problem is that everyone will either get cancer or have a close family member who gets cancer.  You could have a fundraiser for everyone when their times come, but in reality, people would either get burned out or play favorites.  I don't like the idea.  Especially since the employee refused a gofundme.

What I'd rather is for someone to do some research and try to find out what resources exist in the community to help.  Or if there is any resource in the company that the employee may not have known to access.

[Ting Tang]

53 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

There is a woman at work (par-time faculty member) who was recently diagnosed with cancer. She is continuing to work through her chemo treatments. I am the department head. 

We bought her a group gift which was delivered and appreciated. 

Another part-time co-worker approached me and said that the co-worker with cancer has expressed how awful the bills are. (What a ridiculous world we live in! 😠 But that's a discussion for another day). So, the second co-worker asked me, as the dept head, about the possibility of doing a collection to help with the bills. She said that cancer co-worker has refused a Go Fund Me. 

My personal feeling is that if she refused the Go Fund Me, she doesn't want us to do a collection. The second co-worker feels like if we just do the collection, and give it to her, she won't be able to refuse it. (I also think second co-worker would like me to involve the whole college, not just my dept). 

Complicating things is that the I know that the second co-worker (and a third co-worker who later mentioned hearing about a possible collection) is in a desperate financial situation (as is third co-worker). I sympathize with the sick co-worker, I really really do.

But fundraisers like this just bother me on so many levels. We have a "Sunshine Club" for flowers etc when someone's family member dies etc. That's fine. But we've not done big collections like this. Sick co-worker has expressed she doesn't want fundraiser. And what happens when the next person gets sick? 

Maybe I'm just a cold human being, but I don't think it's advisable to do a collection in the workplace. Tell me if you think I'm wrong. Or if you agree with me. I need some insight. 

I agree with you. It’s horrible she’s going through this, but I think any fundraising should be separate from the workplace. Many people are not in a position to donate money, and you already heard about one. I worked in nonprofit and was constantly asked to do things I couldn’t afford because I had debt getting an education to be able to do that job…

[Pawz4me]

59 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

 

 She said that cancer co-worker has refused a Go Fund Me. 

 

I think that's your answer right there. I would take that as an indication that she either (1) doesn't want help and/or (2) doesn't want the world to know she's dealing with a serious illness. 

[Katy]

Your HR might ban a collection whether you wanted one or not. Several places I’ve worked banned all fundraising except one annual one for United Way. 

[Bambam]

If she has refused a Go Fund Me, then no fund raiser at work.
But I'm against it anyway. Because ... where do you stop? 

To the employee who asked me about doing a fund raiser or suggested anything like that, I would say we are not doing a departmental one, but there are ways to anonymously donate some money.  Maybe call the electric company and with her address pay some money towards her electric bill? Something like that. Giving a gift card for WalMart or local grocery store helps.  You can send them through the mail anonymously or possibly just leave them on her desk. 

[Bootsie]

I agree that you would be opening a can of worms to do a collection in this case.  A number of people will have a variety of medical issues and bills, or other financial issues, over the years and it would be difficult to determine when to do a collection once a precedent is made.  I would suggest that the co-worker consider helping individually by providing a meal or a gift card to the local grocery store (which could even be done anonymously).  

[popmom]

I agree with bootsie. It sounds like gift cards for groceries or take out would be the best way to help.

[Amethyst]

Thank you all for your feedback. It's a sensitive situation. I'll talk to someone in HR tomorrow. Maybe the college has a policy. If not, I just might have to be the bad guy that says we won't do it.

Edited January 29 by Amethyst

[Kanin]

Also, what most people can donate would be kind of a drop in the bucket compared with the bills, if they're in the thousands or many thousands of dollars. 

The college can't do an organization-wide fundraiser for every person who gets sick or has a life event. It would just be constant fundraising. 

I'm very sorry about your coworker.

[marbel]

There is also the problem of people feeling coerced to give. If the boss sets up the fundraiser, people may worry that their lack of giving will reflect badly on them - even if it's stated as being completely voluntary. 

 

[Amethyst]

1 hour ago, Kanin said:

be kind of a drop in the bucket compared with the bills, 

 

I actually used this phrase to the co-worker who approached me (before I punted and said “let me look into it”)

1 hour ago, marbel said:

There is also the problem of people feeling coerced to give. 

 

Absolutely! I said this to my husband. IF there is going to be a collection, it CANNOT be me organizing it. I’m with you 100% on that!

[GoVanGogh]

My DH has cancer and current treatment plan is three years at a min so we are looking at a lot of medical bills. (He has a very recurrent form of cancer.) 

I agree that workplace collections, especially if organized by a Dept head, can be problematic. I am going to sound horribly cold and I truly am the most sensitive, empathic person ever, but it is really too much any more. So many people have cancer, strokes, bad vehicle accidents, etc. If people feel compelled to do something for the individual, then they should do something on their own and not through an organized fundraising event. I think the era of everybody having a go fund me has created an unrealistic expectation about fundraising. Yes, medical bills are awful. We had a premature baby that required a long hospital stay and numerous surgeries and then years of therapy, so I totally understand that medical issues are financially draining. But I think that true giving from the heart - and often time not financial giving, but good deeds and emotional support - is what what people need during times like this. I still remember the lady who baked me two loaves of homemade bread when my child was in NICU and it has been 20+ years now. 
 

Another issue with fundraising, esp in a work environment - I know someone whose spouse had a horrible accident that has left them needing round the clock care, plus home renovations to accommodate the medical equipment needed to be at home. Someone set up a go fund me, plus there was one local fundraising event that I know of. The person then posts on Facebook a selfie that she needed a new pair of sunglasses and a week later a photo of their manicure and the next week their new outfit and on and on. Now I do understand that possibly some of those items were gifts! But it is every.few.days. Please, If you are the recipient of a fundraiser, do not post on social media about your purchases! Just don’t. It looks bad. And now that I think about the original post, I especially think this is bad in a workplace. If someone organized a fundraiser for me, I would then feel weird ever showing up at work with a new outfit or a new purse. Maybe that is just me. But I would feel weird about it and would request no fundraiser for that reason alone. 

[KungFuPanda]

People work in academia longer than a lot of other fields. What’s the plan when the next co-worker has medical bills? This just isn’t sustainable on an academic salary. I’ve complained about bills to my good friends but I would be mortified if my colleagues took up a collection. The people who want to give can do so directly without making it a whole department thing. 

[Arctic Bunny]

Going back to the privacy thing, wouldn’t that be a huge violation if the whole department and more were told? 
On a smaller scale, at my office I was the bad guy who asked not to celebrate birthdays. Again, one person makes another a cake and wants to collect from everybody for a gift because they’ve got it soooo rough right now. Then the next person a week later gets no acknowledgment….

[Tap]

Program should have policies in place for this topic. Not a new issue. Some places have an option to donate PTO but rarely money. If asked, direct them to program options or to make their own personal decisions about how to assist the coworker. 

[Hyacinth]

If the person doesn’t want a gofundme, then that wish should be respected.

If a co-worker wants to do SOMETHING (and that’s completely understandable), he or she should ask the person what would be helpful. If gift cards or meals are acceptable, that should be a  private (not a corporate) initiative. And the manager should NOT be the one asking subordinates to donate  

If the person says “no, please don’t,” again—that should be respected.  

Edited January 30 by Hyacinth

[Rosla]

On 1/29/2024 at 8:50 PM, popmom said:

I agree with bootsie. It sounds like gift cards for groceries or take out would be the best way to help.

I also agree. Sometimes people just can't say that they lack money. Taking into account the current prices, gift cards for groceries could be a good option. I suggest addressing  walmart checks customer service, I read that it has become easier to order personal checks there. 

Edited February 14 by Rosla