Thoughts upon going from three kids in the house to two

[fairfarmhand]

dd21 moved out this February. This has been a strange adjustment. Dd21 is a real joy to be around. She is a mini me and we have been very close. But, all kids must grow up.

I have 4 kids. My oldest dd moved out around age 21 and that wasn't so different of a transition. She was a.....challenging personality so the space was helpful in our relationship with her. (she's since outgrown many of the trickiest behaviors) 

But this transition from 3 to 2 kids has been more difficult. I don't sit around and feel sad. More that it is confusing and I don't know what to do with myself.

We oddly have extra toilet paper and paper towels all the time. And there's way less laundry and our water bill dropped.

And my dd18 moved into her sister's larger room. For years, space has been at a premium in our house and now....there's an extra bedroom. Which is so strange. 

I've taken to calling it "Spare Oom." since it also has a War. Drobe. in it (Narnia fans know what I mean) 

I sit in there in the mornings at the tiny desk and write a bit. It's quiet and always clean and exactly how I leave it. 

Weird. 

Edited April 14, 2023 by fairfarmhand

[mommyoffive]

I often think about how odd it is going to be when my kids start leaving.  I get sad just thinking about it.  I am sure it will hit me at all the different little times too that you are noticing.  

[Shoeless]

❤️ to you. 

[YaelAldrich]

We have moved from six people in a 3 bedroom condo to (two years ago)  five people (oldest moved out none too soon) to this school year my second son moving to college (even though he is only three miles away). This year will bring my youngest to move to NYC for high school.  The only one left is my DD (#3 kid) and she's will be a senior in high school. So we're going to be empty nesters sooner than we think!  It's kind of crazy. But freeing at the same time.  I'm looking forward (and a little scared) of what next year will bring. 

Edited April 14, 2023 by YaelAldrich

[Faith-manor]

All four of ours are grown and independent. It is crazy how much our utilities went down, and especially how long I can go without washing towels.

For a while I definitely felt odd, a bit at loose ends. However, I did go out of my way to adopt a couple of new hobbies that dh and I do together. Now I am kind of enjoying the empty nest though I do love to have them visit.

[klmama]

The change is odd.  Going from three dc at home to two was okay; we all missed the oldest dc, but the other two finally got their own bedrooms, our food budget was drastically reduced, and there was less conflict over bathroom use.  Going from two dc at home to one was okay, but a bit more lonely; on the plus side, youngest and I spent a lot more time hanging out together.  Going from one at home to an empty nest was even lonelier, and it threw me for a while; however, no one ever uses or moves my stuff anymore, and the food I buy is always there when I want it.  It's great to have any of the dc come home for a visit, and it's great to have them go back to their new lives.  

[Shelydon]

I also dropped to two this year. It is weird, but I actually enjoy having more space and less noise

[Denise in IN]

We've gone from 3 down to 1 since last August and it does feel weird!  Quiet, way less food and water usage and shoes and soccer balls.  No boys live here....for the first time in forever.  And we have an empty bedroom, which my dh turned into his office/man cave.

It is bittersweet, isn't it?  It's the thing we work for, but then that thing we were working toward completely redefines our life.  The quiet, space, and freedom are good things.  But a bit uncomfortable and disconcerting as well.  💙

[Carrie12345]

My oldest bounced between us and his bio-dad from the time he was 13, and still with regular visits throughout until he was around 20/21. He’s been long-distance for around 3 or 4 years now.  
#2 moved out over two years ago, but is still local(ish) and around fairly often.  
#3 lives here, but has her own life with a lot going on and isn’t always involved in the day-to-day. She doesn’t plan on going anywhere soon, except to the basement once we partially finish it with a bedroom, bathroom, and dh’s office.

So it feels like 2 kids out of 5 these days. 

I still cook for an army. I don’t know how to stop!  We’ve also moved since then, and that makes it feel real weird, like the older two don’t “belong” here. I hate that.  I DO like that fewer kids and double space feels so much less cluttered and hectic. And I’ve taken on my own school and more volunteering, plus another dog since then.

But my 4 and 7yo nice and nephew were here recently, and I saw just how much I miss having little kids around. 🥹

[freesia]

I have four kids, too. I was shocked that when we went from three to two it got so much easier. The second one who left is an organized relatively easy child so it wasn’t her. It was a moment of—oh, this is what life would have been like with only two! It was quieter and calmer and I can often get two meals out of a dinner. The day before she comes back we jokingly brace ourself for the noise and chaos that will come lol. I am really glad I had four. I adore my kids and the life we’ve led, but, yes, two is a different ballgame. 

[Eos]

Three to two left my most chaotic two at home, who are super funny and feed each other nicely so I enjoyed that transition. Yes to all above: less clutter, less food consumed but also less companionship, less creative collaboration.

I'm truly not looking forward to my empty nest this fall, I love having teens and young adults in the house.  To everything there is a season will be my mantra and prayer for peace.

[freesia]

10 minutes ago, Eos said:

Three to two left my most chaotic two at home, who are super funny and feed each other nicely so I enjoyed that transition. Yes to all above: less clutter, less food consumed but also less companionship, less creative collaboration.

I'm truly not looking forward to my empty nest this fall, I love having teens and young adults in the house.  To everything there is a season will be my mantra and prayer for peace.

Yes about creative collaboration. There is a hum of energy that returns when the third comes back and the fourth, two. There is more laughter and silliness, too. 

[Tenaj]

9 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

 

I've taken to calling it "Spare Oom." since it also has a War. Drobe. in it (Narnia fans know what I mean) 

 

I just wanted say this made me smile because we, too, have a "spare oom" .  

Four of my eight have moved out and it is always a weird time.  My fifth may be moving out in a few weeks which will make the house less chaotic as he is my challenge but of course, right now he's being a delight to be around so it will be harder than it would have been a few weeks ago.

[Eos]

When the oldest of my four moved out the others were quite a bit younger so it seemed gradual, but as the middles started launching it felt much more sped up.

[DawnM]

I am not for these kids growing up and moving out.   Not one bit!

Two of mine are in college.   One has an apartment off campus and has already told us he will be staying there over the summer.   My other college boy will come home over the summer and I am thrilled.   I can't wait to have him home!    I dread the day he leaves.   He is my biggest helper and will run errands for me, etc....

Maybe giving us a 2.5 year old in our old age was God's way of saying, "You don't want all your kids grown and gone?   Whelp, here ya go!"   🤓   He is 5 now.

[Ann.without.an.e]

My life has been all over the place the last few years. I had a bustling house full of people with my oldest three all in relationships and somehow we were the place to be for everyone. It wasn't uncommon for me to feed 8+ people most meals of the week. It was crazy but fun. Oldest DD got married a year and half ago. She was to me as your younger DD is to you, we just click, it is easy, she is my best friend in the whole world. She still spent a good bit of time with me at my house and they ate dinner with us a few times a week. They bought a house 4 miles from us. Then younger DD (we have the same sort of relationship that you have with your oldest dd) got married last June. So that was a fast move down from 4 to 2. She and her DH spend time with us but not as much and it has been very beneficial for our relationship to have space. We get along much better now.

Then oldest DD got pregnant and so sick and her DH would literally just drop her at my house every morning so that I could feed her all day, she also just hates being alone. So we were back to having 6 for most dinners. Now I practically live with her to help with the twins and my house is pretty quiet. 

It has been such a ridiculous amount of change and so, so busy with two weddings and then babies that I haven't had the time to process it. Not much quiet time or down time to really think on it. Still just as busy, just a different kind of busy. 

[athena1277]

I think the biggest adjustment when dd20 went to college was that dd7 really missed her and wasn’t here to watch her when I needed to go somewhere without her.  But we figured things out.  For us, the biggest adjustment will be when ds15 graduates in 2 years.  Dd7 will have just finished 3rd grade.  It will just be me, dh, and an elementary age child.  It’s going to be weird, but I’m looking forward to doing things with dd7 that are just easier without having to balance schedules of high schoolers.

[BusyMom5]

Hugs!  I think about this and it makes me so sad.  I have 6 kids, but the older 4 were born in 4.5 years, so they will all leave in a short time span.  Right now I've adjusted to ODD being far away and only coming home on long breaks.   DD2 moves to college this fall and I will miss her so much, it makes me cry just to think about it.  She's my mimi-me.  She's my right hand, capable of anything I can do, and always happy to pitch in and do whatever needs doing.  

I have a 5 year old, so there will still be kids here for years, but my bustling house of kids all over- thats coming to an end.  

[sassenach]

Mine are all graduated but we've never managed to have less than 2 at home, thus far. DS22 is special needs and will always be home. We had him and  dd18 all of last (school) year. This school year has been DS20 and DS22. DD18 will be home for the summer. The olders have been out for many years. The weirdest one to have gone is dd18. She's non-stop chatting and activity. Ds20 is so quiet, sometimes he's home for hours without me realizing it (our house is NOT big enough to lose a person in). In the fall, we may or may not be down to just ds22. That will be very sad. I've always called myself a summer mom- I love the down time and adventuring. That's become even more true now that they're in school. 

 

PS. Spare Oom is my phone call room now

Edited April 14, 2023 by sassenach

[SanDiegoMom]

DD 23 is finally moving out this summer.  She came home during college bc of Covid, and hasn't launched since.   She is my extremely challenging one and I look forward to our relationship improving once she's gone!

Unfortunately the younger two are going to be seniors next year, which includes my "mini-me".  It will be a very hard transition when they leave for college!  Though my younger daughter has floated the idea of community college first, so she might not leave immediately.  She knows how good she has it here and figured out long ago how best to work the system!  Sweetness, mild manner, and willingness to compromise are traits that are universally appreciated!

[fairfarmhand]

This is a pic of spare oom.

[wintermom]

We're just approaching the start of empty nest time. My only dd is moving out, leaving 3 boys still at home. I really miss when she's gone (she's been on 6-week language exchange before), as I'm the only female left in the house. I love my boys, of course, but they speak a different "language" than I do, and it revolves a lot more around video games, DandD and/or Magic the Gathering strategies and lingo.

Fortunately, my oldest ds, the philosophy major who'll still be at home, will speak to me at length about any topic any time of day or night. 😅