alysee Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 (edited) I joined a book club at the local library. It's women ranging in ages from 30-70. My MIL is part of thr group and I caved. I was just feeling desperate since I don't have any friends who physically live close to me so my friendships are text or zoom calls. The first meeting is on Tuesday and now my social anxiety is getting the best of me and I don't want to go even though I desperately need to meet people. Why am I like this? *UPDATE* It was really nice to get out of the house. After the official book club was over my MIL(she is the extrovert!) Introduced me to the few women in my stage of life. It was nice to get to know them and found out one of them is actually in our neighborhood. Edited February 15, 2023 by alysee 11 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Go. Worst case scenario you rule it out as a new place to meet friends. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 (((Hugs))) I struggle with this, too. Remember the first time is the hardest. You don’t have to say or do anything. You can sit quietly. I try to remind myself that I can do anything for 1 1/2 hours. Just remove all pressure. I also try to remember how often this type of thing has gone well. I remember that I won’t make friends the first time and it’s just for getting face time with people. 9 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 I can be this way too. Definitely go 🙂 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildflowerMom Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 I have social anxiety, too. I might have to take something to calm my nerves a bit. If your mil picks you up, could that be an option? That way you can get there, see how it is, you may love it and be dying to get back to the next meeting?! But yeah, it's hard and no judgement from me if you bow out. 💛💛💛 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Aw, I know how you feel. Everyone already gave good advice. I'm just commiserating. I have always struggled with joining into a group thing. I remember planning to go on a group hike and getting to the meeting place, losing my nerve, and turning around to go home! When I finally forced myself to go on the next hike, I had a great time. I'm going to look up our library's next in-person book club meeting. I've been meaning to because I have no local friends and need some. So, you've inspired me! Let us know how it goes! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 (edited) I think it's great that you took that first step. Tuesday gives you a lot of time to think about it, though. I hope you can distract yourself so you don't get too worked up/anxious about it. I hope it all works out well for you and, if not, you tried! ❤️ Edited February 9, 2023 by Kassia 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 You can sit next to your mother-in-law and you don't have to say anything! It will be okay. I used to have really bad social anxiety, but the Actual Thing was never as bad as I anticipated. I would usually end up having a good time. 🙂 I like to listen to people talk...maybe just look at it as listening to other people talk about books! And then you can come here and tell us about it! Hugs to you. p.s. Is having a glass of wine before you go an option?? 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 What’s the book? Maybe try to focus on getting it read so you’ll be able to engage in discussion well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 I joined a book club a couple of years ago and it has been the absolute best thing for making local friends. I hope yours will prove to be just as amazing! It does take time to get to know people and feel comfortable, so try to give it some time. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 I don't have social anxiety, I don't think, but I have become more and more reluctant to do things with other people. Lately, I have had to make myself every single time. Afterwards, I am always glad I went, because if nothing else, it gave me more insight into some of the people I am trying to get to know. But boy, it's hard to do. I know it is good for me because I need friends and community, and I know social isolation is not healthy, but I wish it were more natural. Hopefully, in time it will be. Just commiserating, but I hope you go and really enjoy it! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Oh do go! Chances are, book club people will be non-threatening and relatively easy as social activities go. I have been in a book club for years and years now; very edifying. I actually have book club tonight and I lead this one. 🙂 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 1 hour ago, alysee said: I joined a book club at the local library. It's women ranging in ages from 30-70. My MIL is part of thr group and I caved. I was just feeling desperate since I don't have any friends who physically live close to me so my friendships are text or zoom calls. The first meeting is on Tuesday and now my social anxiety is getting the best of me and I don't want to go even though I desperately need to meet people. Why am I like this? I get it. I joined book club in January because my world has shrunk due to caregiving duties. I haven't made friends yet (I just had my 2nd meeting), but I have enjoyed the discussions. It's on my 23 items in 2023 list, so I am forcing (and unfortunately, it's still in the forcing stage prior to meeting although I am glad I went once I do it) myself to go. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Ugh, I'd love to be able to enthusiastically say Just Go!, but in all honesty even if I'd gotten as far as you already have, I probably wouldn't manage to go. I recently missed out on A Big Thing I'd been looking forward to joining since last summer because in the end I just couldn't handle it. Social anxiety is awful. I hope you can figure out a way to go though. Sending you strength! 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corbster98 Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, alysee said: I joined a book club at the local library. It's women ranging in ages from 30-70. My MIL is part of thr group and I caved. I was just feeling desperate since I don't have any friends who physically live close to me so my friendships are text or zoom calls. The first meeting is on Tuesday and now my social anxiety is getting the best of me and I don't want to go even though I desperately need to meet people. Why am I like this? I just want you to know you are not alone. My social anxiety gets the best of me often. I, too, have joined up for a group ( local hiking club, church small group, etc) only to lose my nerve when the actual meeting time came around. It is so hard 😞 Let me encourage you that recently I have forced myself out of my comfort zone ( for a women's church retreat, volunteering and meeting a new friend for breakfast) and both I felt sick before and wanted to cancel but stuck it out. Turned out to be a good time and I think I even have possibly made a genuine friend too! Edited February 9, 2023 by Corbster98 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alysee Posted February 9, 2023 Author Share Posted February 9, 2023 Thank you all for your kind words! I know I will be fine but my anxiety will keep me up at night until I go through with it. My MIL assured me that there are a few women in my age range of 35-40. I am just clinging on to the hope that I'm not too weird and can make 1 friend. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Go! I'm in a book club and a couple people there rarely say anything but everyone loves having them there. In fact, I don't think anyone thinks anything of it at all! Some people like to talk and others are more there to listen. That's pretty typical and not unusual, and it's all good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WildflowerMom Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Honestly, I'm weird, too, so I'd seek out someone like you. we could be weirdos together. 🤣 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Almost in the same situation, except you were brave enough to already join. That's amazing and a great first step! My library is doing a reading challenge like those you see around the internet: pick a book in translation, a book written before 2000, a historical book set in Africa, that sort of thing. So each month they have a meeting where people discuss what they've been reading. The whole thing is right up my alley and yet I can bring myself to do it. I'm one of those people who gets a belly full of butterflies before things like this. There is no reason to be nervous but not matter how many times I tell myself that I still feel that way. So I get where you are coming from 100%. Having your MIL along will be huge in making you feel less anxious, especially if she is the outgoing sort. I, too, won't have any judgement if you back out but I honestly think you should give it a go. And then come back and tell us how it was. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wisdomandtreasures Posted February 9, 2023 Share Posted February 9, 2023 Do you knit, or something similar (embroider, crochet)? Bring it with you to get out some of the jitters and use as an excuse to break or avoid eye contact. 😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alysee Posted February 15, 2023 Author Share Posted February 15, 2023 Updated in my original post. Spoiler alert: I survived! 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 15, 2023 Share Posted February 15, 2023 Yay yay yay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 15, 2023 Share Posted February 15, 2023 So glad it went well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted February 15, 2023 Share Posted February 15, 2023 Excellent! I am so happy for you. (Make sure you tell your worry brain that it was wrong!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 15, 2023 Share Posted February 15, 2023 You go, girl! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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