Jean in Newcastle Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 So my 41st high school class reunion is this weekend. (41st because Covid put it off until now.) It's not a huge reunion. 17 people out of an original 30 people in the class. Anyway. . . ten of these people are coming from out of town, 3 families from out of the country, if that matters. Those of us who live in the larger metropolitan area have been asked to provide transportation. Well, commanded to provide transportation. Which I'm happy to do and would have offered to do anyway. So here's the rub for me. The classmate who is organizing this weekend is bossy almost to the point of being tyrannical. I roll my eyes a lot. I did dare to balk once - when she commanded all of us to pony up $54 a person for one meal. It was unnecessary and for people who are coming with their family, would add up very quickly. She immediately went into a public meltdown of "you don't understand how hard it is to organize all of this". . . "no one appreciates me" etc. All those who know her well immediately jumped in to appease her with assurances that she's the greatest person and no one could ever organize a reunion as well as her. etc. etc. etc. (I am not exaggerating here and I know why they wanted to appease her.) And now the true question. Those out of town guests are now commanded to pay those of us from in town who are providing transportation. I don't want to take it. I'd signed up to go to the same places anyway and it's no problem to pick up some people on the way. And while I understand that gas prices are high, my commitment to kindness and hospitality is greater. What I want to do is to respond to the email with a "reply all" that says that "I'm happy to provide transportation to my long time friends. No remuneration is necessary or wanted." But I don't know if I'm just poking the bear to do so. And perhaps some of the other command drivers will find the gas prices too high and will welcome the assistance? I could just refuse payment if someone offers it to me but that seems a bit awkward in the moment. But maybe I'm overthinking this because I'm a bit irritated at the whole thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I would leave it be and not take any payment. The reason being that people were emotionally blackmailed into providing transport. You might be willing and the gas cost is not an issue for you. However, others might not have volunteered and driving a minivan to transport ex-classmates is more costly than driving themselves in a small car or even carpooling with others. My cousins would carpool with each other for family events if they are not on “chauffeur duty” to save gasoline costs. 8 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 14 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said: And while I understand that gas prices are high, my commitment to kindness and hospitality is greater. What I want to do is to respond to the email with a "reply all" that says that "I'm happy to provide transportation to my long time friends. No remuneration is necessary or wanted." But I don't know if I'm just poking the bear to do so. And perhaps some of the other command drivers will find the gas prices too high and will welcome the assistance? I think I would just express this--that you do not want to be reimbursed, but if others do, it's nice to ask the out of town people to consider helping out the hosts because gas prices are really high. I think as long as you don't confront her head-on, then any meltdown she has is on her. Making it a suggestion is totally different than making it mandatory. The people traveling are also facing extra expenses, and if classmates want to help, that's super kind. If they want to split the ticket with the guests, that's fine too. I hope you have a great time! My high school class will likely never have a particularly successful reunion, which says a lot about what it was like originally, lol!!! 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I can see the temptation to break out the violins. . . . I'd just let those who you pick up know you're fine, you don't need to be reimbursed - emphasis on how glad you are to see them. Let them save their money for hotel rooms or other meals. 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 Sounds like you are dealing with a high school drama queen far past the high school years. I'm sorry ((Hugs)). I agree, just tell whoever you're transporting that you don't want payment and let everyone else choose that if they wish. I hope it is a fun time for all 🙂 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 22, 2022 Author Share Posted June 22, 2022 3 minutes ago, Ann.without.an.e said: Sounds like you are dealing with a high school drama queen far past the high school years. I'm sorry ((Hugs)). I agree, just tell whoever you're transporting that you don't want payment and let everyone else choose that if they wish. I hope it is a fun time for all 🙂 I told dh that she hasn't changed one bit since I first met her in 7th grade. . . I have already put her back up by offering to drive people to the airport after the reunion is over. Apparently once the reunion hits 12 noon on Sunday she is no longer reigning and no one is supposed to be nice to anyone any more. . . Also I have the audacity to have celiac disease and need to be aware of if places have any gluten free options. I will put some snacks in my purse and have offered to bring my own food but I guess I am considered to be the drama queen. . . Anyway. . . this is becoming more of a rant because I'm a cranky pants about the whole thing. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I'd just (awkwardly) refuse payment from the people I'm driving -- that's a personal choice, and it's best to express it person-to-person. Leave the group out of it. They are grown-ups who can certainly work out gas money between themselves (whether to do the currently expressed expected thing and pay it, or decide something else among themselves). 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shoeless Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I assume you will know in advance who you are driving? When you coordinate pick up times with them, you could say something like "Oh, and please don't feel like you need to pay me for gas! You know how Cheryl can be about these things! So, how was the flight?", and move the convo along. 4 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 7 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said: I told dh that she hasn't changed one bit since I first met her in 7th grade. . . I have already put her back up by offering to drive people to the airport after the reunion is over. Apparently once the reunion hits 12 noon on Sunday she is no longer reigning and no one is supposed to be nice to anyone any more. . . Also I have the audacity to have celiac disease and need to be aware of if places have any gluten free options. I will put some snacks in my purse and have offered to bring my own food but I guess I am considered to be the drama queen. . . Anyway. . . this is becoming more of a rant because I'm a cranky pants about the whole thing. The bolded, lol! That sounds about right. In this day and age, I don't know why it's such a big deal to ask about food or why it's so hard for hosts to have an answer when asked. I am cranky pants with you. I really hope you can have fun when it comes together! 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I would be cranky pants too. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 22, 2022 Author Share Posted June 22, 2022 12 minutes ago, MissLemon said: I assume you will know in advance who you are driving? When you coordinate pick up times with them, you could say something like "Oh, and please don't feel like you need to pay me for gas! You know how Cheryl can be about these things! So, how was the flight?", and move the convo along. The schedule I've been given tells me who I'm driving at one point (because I'm picking them up at their hotel) and not at others where we will all be together and I assume will just pile into cars to go to the next place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 16 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said: The schedule I've been given tells me who I'm driving at one point (because I'm picking them up at their hotel) and not at others where we will all be together and I assume will just pile into cars to go to the next place. While I think her approach is heavy-handed, it sounds like she was trying to smooth over the uneven treatment drivers might receive (after brow-beating them into helping, lol!), and the "fee" structure makes more sense in that context. I don't think it should be imposed on anyone though. Maybe they should just suggest that everyone relying on a ride consider donating to a common pot, and then they can split it evenly among all the drivers after the fact (with an opt-out on that end as well). Make it optional both directions. There is no mechanism for ongoing exploitation for a single event, lol! Either people will help or not help. Some people getting a ride will "tip big" so to speak, and others will ride along because they shelled out big bucks to show up at all. This is a level of organization that is really only possible with already cooperative people. I am impressed your classmates stepped up. If they are willing to step up, it suggests that they don't need this level of micromanaging. Coordination? Sure! Browbeating? Questionable. I wasn't picturing so many stops along the way, so I guess I don't know how someone makes that fair without some kind of common fund. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 22, 2022 Author Share Posted June 22, 2022 8 minutes ago, kbutton said: While I think her approach is heavy-handed, it sounds like she was trying to smooth over the uneven treatment drivers might receive (after brow-beating them into helping, lol!), and the "fee" structure makes more sense in that context. I don't think it should be imposed on anyone though. Maybe they should just suggest that everyone relying on a ride consider donating to a common pot, and then they can split it evenly among all the drivers after the fact (with an opt-out on that end as well). Make it optional both directions. There is no mechanism for ongoing exploitation for a single event, lol! Either people will help or not help. Some people getting a ride will "tip big" so to speak, and others will ride along because they shelled out big bucks to show up at all. This is a level of organization that is really only possible with already cooperative people. I am impressed your classmates stepped up. If they are willing to step up, it suggests that they don't need this level of micromanaging. Coordination? Sure! Browbeating? Questionable. I wasn't picturing so many stops along the way, so I guess I don't know how someone makes that fair without some kind of common fund. Because this is a reunion that includes people from three continents (our school was overseas), it's for an entire weekend. So yes, there are a lot of moving parts. Because it was a small class of (mostly) ex-pats, many of us who actually lived together at the school, there is a stronger family-type bond than the usual high school reunion. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 6 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said: Because this is a reunion that includes people from three continents (our school was overseas), it's for an entire weekend. So yes, there are a lot of moving parts. Because it was a small class of (mostly) ex-pats, many of us who actually lived together at the school, there is a stronger family-type bond than the usual high school reunion. That makes sense! I thought maybe you returned to the US by high school since your reunion was local to you. 🙂 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted June 22, 2022 Share Posted June 22, 2022 I would be the person saying something because if I was one of those out of the country people, I would be put off by this demand of payment. I would be thinking, if I have to pay something any way, I'll just call Uber and be completely free of the guilt that someone came out of their way to drive me around, while instead I can call someone who gets paid to do that exact thing. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 22, 2022 Author Share Posted June 22, 2022 18 minutes ago, kbutton said: That makes sense! I thought maybe you returned to the US by high school since your reunion was local to you. 🙂 We alternate parts of the US or even countries where we have our reunions. Depending on who is willing to host. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 23, 2022 Author Share Posted June 23, 2022 Good thing that I went shopping yesterday with the help of some of my WTM text friends. We've now been informed that we are "dressing for dinner". (The restaurant where we are going won't care. I've been there before and there is a wide range of people in a wide range of dress.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 36 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said: Good thing that I went shopping yesterday with the help of some of my WTM text friends. We've now been informed that we are "dressing for dinner". (The restaurant where we are going won't care. I've been there before and there is a wide range of people in a wide range of dress.) Wear what you want! Really want to tweak the control freak? Show up in a bathing suit with a cover up... 1 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 I would be cranky too. What about an in-between solution, such as: "I don't need cash reimbursement for the transportation, but I'd love it if folks could bring a small item or snack unique to their hometown, state, or country of origin." Or, if it's a long drive, suggest that instead of cash, the visitors take turns driving the van? Then other drivers can chime in if they want, or keep quiet if they prefer the cash. 🙂 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 I hate being told what to wear! Don't get me started on that, LOL. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 23, 2022 Author Share Posted June 23, 2022 8 minutes ago, SKL said: I would be cranky too. What about an in-between solution, such as: "I don't need cash reimbursement for the transportation, but I'd love it if folks could bring a small item or snack unique to their hometown, state, or country of origin." Or, if it's a long drive, suggest that instead of cash, the visitors take turns driving the van? Then other drivers can chime in if they want, or keep quiet if they prefer the cash. 🙂 People coming from other countries are already on their flights, I assume. Unless it's a red-eye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltopmom Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 23 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said: We alternate parts of the US or even countries where we have our reunions. Depending on who is willing to host. That’s awesome! I went to an overseas school too and we had one reunion in DC at 10 years I think, for the mostly embassy kids but no others since. Arranging it with people from around the globe would be quite the undertaking! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 23, 2022 Author Share Posted June 23, 2022 1 minute ago, Hilltopmom said: That’s awesome! I went to an overseas school too and we had one reunion in DC at 10 years I think, for the mostly embassy kids but no others since. Arranging it with people from around the globe would be quite the undertaking! People have used it as a way to travel and see new places. It depends though on having a host or hosts in the reunion area who are willing to set up sight-seeing opportunities to do as a group. I was really sad that I had to miss the year that they met in Banff. But I had a family emergency come up and had to cancel. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 4 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said: Good thing that I went shopping yesterday with the help of some of my WTM text friends. We've now been informed that we are "dressing for dinner". (The restaurant where we are going won't care. I've been there before and there is a wide range of people in a wide range of dress.) Please, please, please show up in a moomoo, knee high boots and crazy hair. Or one of those animal onesie pajamas…. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 23, 2022 Author Share Posted June 23, 2022 17 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: Please, please, please show up in a moomoo, knee high boots and crazy hair. Or one of those animal onesie pajamas…. When I was crowd sourcing my clothing choices yesterday none of those items came up for consideration. . . 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 3 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said: When I was crowd sourcing my clothing choices yesterday none of those items came up for consideration. . . New “orders” means new outfits. Lol 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 23, 2022 Share Posted June 23, 2022 4 hours ago, QueenCat said: Wear what you want! Really want to tweak the control freak? Show up in a bathing suit with a cover up... 40 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said: Please, please, please show up in a moomoo, knee high boots and crazy hair. Or one of those animal onesie pajamas…. Yes, and it goes without saying that we're gonna need pictures. 😉 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 I hope you have a great time seeing old friends. It's so much fun to talk about old times and share new things. I'm sure you'll manage just fine with whatever happens re driving reimbursement. You know these people way better than we do. Just curious though, does the same person always organize these reunions? If so, you must all be used to the routine by now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 24, 2022 Author Share Posted June 24, 2022 2 minutes ago, wintermom said: I hope you have a great time seeing old friends. It's so much fun to talk about old times and share new things. I'm sure you'll manage just fine with whatever happens re driving reimbursement. You know these people way better than we do. Just curious though, does the same person always organize these reunions? If so, you must all be used to the routine by now. No, someone in each locale volunteers to organize the reunion there. We have done it locally before (20 years ago) but someone else volunteered then. I don’t remember anything nearly as regimented that time. But the other classmate is much more laidback. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 On 6/22/2022 at 1:50 PM, kbutton said: That makes sense! I thought maybe you returned to the US by high school since your reunion was local to you. 🙂 I thought this too before you Jean explained. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 5 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said: Please, please, please show up in a moomoo, knee high boots and crazy hair. Or one of those animal onesie pajamas…. I am also in favor of poking the bear. Then report back to us. 😬 2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted June 24, 2022 Share Posted June 24, 2022 12 hours ago, KungFuPanda said: I am also in favor of poking the bear. Then report back to us. 😬 Poking the bear is one of my favorite past times. I lay all the blame on the bear for my naughtiness for being, well, a bear. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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