Tell me how this is fair?! (Vent)

[Home'scool]

For those who remember the saga that is my divorce .... the last asshat thing my XH did was appeal the divorce decree to try and get his alimony payments as a deductible, etc., and he lost the appeal. My regular attorney does not handle appeals so she referred me to another attorney. 

Now I am hit with a $10,000 bill from the new attorney! I have to pay $10,000 because my evil, malicious EX decides to try for an appeal. The court, although they denied his appeal, stated that the appeal was not deemed "frivolous" so I could not recover attorney fees.

I am just sick to my stomach over this. I don't have $10,000 in cash laying around. I will either have to take out a loan or take money out of my 401K and get hit with taxes. I don't get the courts. I have not had any fair relief from them at all. My EX makes 5x what I make so he can do this crappola all day long and not have his back to the wall financially like me.

I still have to go to court again next week with him for a different contempt order (we were supposed to split taxes that were due and he still has not paid his share) and again I will ask for attorneys fees, but I might not get them again. That will be more $$$$.

I am just so beaten down by this still going on 6 years later.  I feel like I will never be rid of him

 

[Ann.without.an.e]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that his tactics are costing you. That is totally unfair. 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Ann.without.an.e

[KSera]

Absolutely not fair. I am angry on your behalf 😔. 

[Katy]

It's not fair.  I'm so sorry.

[Kassia]

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.  This truly is sickening and so incredibly unfair.  

[fraidycat]

That is not fair. I'm sorry you still have to deal with his crap.

[Ting Tang]

This is not fair at all.  Is the bill based on the thought he'd be responsible?  I am sure you discussed payments/costs with this attorney.  It makes no sense. they must know a woman who receives alimony probably doesn't have the means to pay for this. I am sorry and wish you could be rid of him, too.

[Carrie12345]

I am so sorry he is still doing this to you!!!

My aunt is around 2 years into a similar ordeal, and i fear this is how it will go for her, too.

[alisoncooks]

I’m wondering is there some way to hold him responsible for that amount? Like…what’s to stop him from financially ruining you by pulling similar stunts again in the future? 

[scholastica]

1 minute ago, alisoncooks said:

I’m wondering is there some way to hold him responsible for that amount? Like…what’s to stop him from financially ruining you by pulling similar stunts again in the future? 

There’s nothing she can do. She has to respond every time he does this or risk him getting his way when she doesn’t show up in court.

[saraha]

That royally stinks, I am so sorry. 

[alisoncooks]

33 minutes ago, scholastica said:

There’s nothing she can do. She has to respond every time he does this or risk him getting his way when she doesn’t show up in court.

Can she sue him in civil court to recoup her fees? I know nothing about the legal system…

[PinkTulip]

I’m so sorry. Divorcing a narcissist is so hard. 

[sweet2ndchance]

I'm in the same boat. My ex still pulls this crap and has way more money than I do and can do this all day long. It sucks but someone once told me that the courts are not about what is fair. I try to remind myself of that and be at peace with the fact. It's incredibly hard though.

[Hen]

I am so sorry, it is so unfair! 

[lauraw4321]

Ask your attorney about a payment plan. 

[lmrich]

It does seem like one should be able to counter sue - of course that would cost more money.  I am so sorry.

[Home'scool]

Quote

Can she sue him in civil court to recoup her fees? I know nothing about the legal system…

We tried to recoup fees as part of our rebuttal. The court decided that, even though he lost the appeal, it was not considered frivolous enough for him to be responsible for all the court fees. 🙄

[wintermom]

Sorry you're going through this. Sounds a little like the new lawyer you hired is the only winner in this, and I don't like that very much. Money grab or did the lawyer do anything worthwhile?

[Home'scool]

I feel like the whole court system is a money grab and only the lawyers make out.

I guess he did do his job and got the appeal denied ..... but $10,000? IDK

[Harriet Vane]

1 minute ago, Home'scool said:

I feel like the whole court system is a money grab and only the lawyers make out.

I guess he did do his job and got the appeal denied ..... but $10,000? IDK

Years of experience with foster care left me the same impression. It looks quite like an employment machine and it does not serve the people it purports to protect.

[kiwik]

On 5/3/2022 at 8:30 AM, scholastica said:

There’s nothing she can do. She has to respond every time he does this or risk him getting his way when she doesn’t show up in court.

Although at least here there is a point that the judge will lose patience.  But I know of people who have had similar problems.  One the lawyer was so angry about the courts behavior he waived his fees but they weren't $10,000 to start with.