So difficult to not say anything

[GoodGrief3]

2 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

We have decided that five of won’t say anything but drop hints as she is going to need support now and long term.  If we all said something, she would have no one but him left. The others few will say something directly as he is a charmer who can explain it all off and she is completely snowed.  Her second marriage so I think part of it is she doesn’t want to be alone as she is older. 

Believe it or not, I was in a very similar position with a close acquaintance several years ago, down to the person in question faking cancer. So bizarre, and efforts to speak directly to her about the deception were met with complete unwillingness to see the truth. The guy had told this person that because of his high level security position with the government that any efforts to Google him would result in danger at his job. This was an intelligent, though young and naive, person who believed these outrageous stories he would tell.

She eventually had to learn on her own but it took a couple years. Once the truth came out, he disappeared for the most part. I entirely believe he is still out there scamming people though.

[Moonhawk]

1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said:

He will not share any of this as this is his battle.  He holds the number to the doctors in his phone. And the telemed appointments are via a normal phone call.  He will not give permission for them to speak to her.  He claims he is saving her from worrying.  Plus, his “doctor” has someone bring his cancer medicine conveniently as she has just left.  
 

It is hard as we want to shout it and shake her but can’t.  He has cut off too many who did question things.  Best place for us right now is to be there when everything falls. 

And she's been conditioned to believe him over years and years of eating bigger and bigger fish, so it may have to be a whale of a tale to get her to choke. Hopefully cancer is the whale she chokes on, because I doubt he's going to drop down to smaller fish if he gets away with this. 

Edited January 25, 2022 by Moonhawk

[itsheresomewhere]

1 minute ago, GoodGrief3 said:

Believe it or not, I was in a very similar position with a close acquaintance several years ago, down to the person in question faking cancer. So bizarre, and efforts to speak directly to her about the deception were met with complete unwillingness to see the truth. The guy had told this person that because of his high level security position with the government that any efforts to Google him would result in danger at his job. This was an intelligent, though young and naive, person who believed these outrageous stories he would tell.

She eventually had to learn on her own but it took a couple years. Once the truth came out, he disappeared for the most part. I entirely believe he is still out there scamming people though.

OMG. There must be a special scam book as he has said something slightly similar about something.  

[GoodGrief3]

1 minute ago, itsheresomewhere said:

OMG. There must be a special scam book as he has said something slightly similar about something.  

The age of the guy is different than what you mentioned, he's about 20 years younger. I was thinking for a bit it could be the same one. He also claimed to be a neurologist and Olympic swimmer and military officer. All things easily researched. His mother even had an active blog! Made no difference. Every fact was explained away.

[itsheresomewhere]

Just now, GoodGrief3 said:

The age of the guy is different than what you mentioned, he's about 20 years younger. I was thinking for a bit it could be the same one. He also claimed to be a neurologist and Olympic swimmer and military officer. All things easily researched. His mother even had an active blog! Made no difference. Every fact was explained away.

Everything can be explained away is right.  He apparently was an owner of a multi-million dollar company at one point.  Owns speciality rare cars somewhere along with a mansion out in another state.  Reason for no medical bills for him is his doctors is paying for it out of his pocket as a payback for something as he knows they don’t have much now.  So much bs for anyone else.   
 

I think she was lonely when she met him and he was fun/exciting then.  Now she can’t see what has happened. 

[Murphy101]

2 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Sure.

But . . . faking a spouse? I can't wrap my head around that. I mean I know relationships vary, but when DH was in the process of being diagnosed I was at every appointment. Scans, surgeon, oncologist, radiologist -- if it weren't for the pandemic I would have been to every single one. Even now on the more routine visits (where having someone accompany the patient is discouraged unless necessary) he gets me on the speaker phone. To me it would have to be an unusual relationship for a spouse to not have been to some medical appointment with a cancer patient.

Almost every doctor out there will tell this is not the norm though. Communication is hard and humans suck at it. Any waiting room will tell you this. For everyone with someone going with them, there’s several who are solo.

Now I am all there with you. In my family and most close friends, we bring someone for everything even just well checks.

But it is not the norm. Especially for men. 

[Lady Florida.]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

Wow. I don't know anyone who doesn't use the internet. 

Even if she won't believe anything you tell her about her dh, maybe you and your friends can help her get a little more tech-savvy. She sounds like the perfect victim right now, and maybe if she develops some basic skills, she will be better equipped to cope with her life once she finally wises up and realizes what her husband has been doing to her.

Yes, I have relatives in their 80s who use the internet. They might not be totally tech savvy but they can google stuff, send emails, and pay bills. 

That sounds like a good idea to try and teach her some basic online skills.

1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said:

One is 64 and the other is 74

Is she the older one with a younger man or is she 64? I'm 66 and have been using the internet for 30+ years. Dh is 3 years older than me and has been using it even longer - since the early days of Prodigy and Compuserve and everything was DOS. Maybe ability to use the internet depends on your age when you started. If she didn't start when she was younger I suppose it can be intimidating.

Edited January 25, 2022 by Lady Florida.

[73349]

I wonder if it could still be about money. For example...

--She has a child she would leave money to, but he wants to siphon it off & place it in accounts that are his, so they don't count as her estate (which would be divided).

--He has a 5-year plan for divorce that involves draining money into something she can't trace.

Or maybe he just wants to keep her anxious about him and not have her pursuing other people or interests too wholeheartedly.

I don't think I'd be able to restrain myself from printing off pages from the Mayo Clinic about cancer to "help them." And giving her a copy of The How Not to Die cookbook, so she's feeding him all nice cancer-fighting vegetables, if she does the cooking.

Edited January 25, 2022 by Carolina Wren

[Pawz4me]

15 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

Any waiting room will tell you this. For everyone with someone going with them, there’s several who are solo.

No, that’s most definitely not my experience. It’s vanishingly rare to see a solo patient at our cancer center. In the 4+ years we’ve been going I’ve almost never seen one.

[itsheresomewhere]

6 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

Yes, I have relatives in their 80s who use the internet. They might not be totally tech savvy but they can google stuff, send emails, and pay bills. 

That sounds like a good idea to try and teach her some basic online skills.

Is she the older one with a younger man or is she 64? I'm 66 and have been using the internet for 30+ years. Dh is 3 years older than me and has been using it even longer - since the early days of Prodigy and Compuserve and everything was DOS. Maybe ability to use the internet depends on your age when you started. If she didn't start when she was younger I suppose it can be intimidating.

She is older.  We are showing her and I think she could enjoy it as she gets more comfortable.  But he has the pc for the house. 

[Kassia]

17 minutes ago, Murphy101 said:

. For everyone with someone going with them, there’s several who are solo.

 

I always prefer going alone no matter what.  I've even had outpatient surgeries when I've had DH drop me off and come get me when I'm in recovery.  I just hate having anyone around me if I'm sick and/or in pain.  With an elderly person or someone who isn't familiar with their condition and there needs to be someone else listening in that's a different situation but my preference is always to do it by myself.  

[itsheresomewhere]

9 minutes ago, Carolina Wren said:

I wonder if it could still be about money. For example...

--She has a child she would leave money to, but he wants to siphon it off & place it in accounts that are his, so they don't count as her estate (which would be divided).

--He has a 5-year plan for divorce that involves draining money into something she can't trace.

Or maybe he just wants to keep her anxious about him and not have her pursuing other people or interests too wholeheartedly.

I don't think I'd be able to restrain myself from printing off pages from the Mayo Clinic about cancer to "help them." And giving her a copy of The How Not to Die cookbook, so she's feeding him all nice cancer-fighting vegetables, if she does the cooking.

The second is more along the lines of what some of us think but without a divorce.  
 

And his doctor told him he should eat whatever he wants even if it is fast food. 

Edited January 25, 2022 by itsheresomewhere

[Faith-manor]

12 minutes ago, Carolina Wren said:

 

I don't think I'd be able to restrain myself from printing off pages from the Mayo Clinic about cancer to "help them." And giving her a copy of The How Not to Die cookbook, so she's feeding him all nice cancer-fighting vegetables, if she does the cooking.

This is brilliant! I mean if she isn't going to listen, helping her torture is putrid butt would be some nice Karma. "Here is your spinach, dandelion weed, and beet greens salad!"

Some of the alternative medicine stuff is just as nasty as allopathic. My sister in law sells some concoction that has got to be chicken dung, grass clippings, mulch, sileage, and milk pods composted and then fermented. I do not know how anyone could ever choke to down. Would be hilarious if he choked down some of that stuff just to keep up the con.

[Faith-manor]

12 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

The second is more along the lines of what some of us think but without a divorce.  
 

And his doctor told him he should eat whatever he wants even if it is fast food. 

Okay, that last bit? Nope just a hard no. Medical people, even the ones addicted to McD's, don't tell their patients to eat whatever the neck they want. At this point, she really is being wilfully ignorant.

But, you can't fix that either.

[itsheresomewhere]

2 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Okay, that last bit? Nope just a hard no. Medical people, even the ones addicted to McD's, don't tell their patients to eat whatever the neck they want. At this point, she really is being wilfully ignorant.

But, you can't fix that either.

We had one crappy doctor tell us for DS he needed to have milk shakes and other crap everyday on gain weight.  So I know some give some really crappy advice.  But that is not the case here. 

[Catwoman]

22 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

No, that’s most definitely not my experience. It’s vanishingly rare to see a solo patient at our cancer center. In the 4+ years we’ve been going I’ve almost never seen one.

I agree. When my dad had cancer, we used to feel sad for anyone we saw alone in a waiting room, because it was so rare that anyone was alone. It was the same when we were going through all of the transplant stuff with my dh. 

I think it's so important to have another person with you when you're going through a stressful medical situation. It's hard for anyone to remember all of the questions they want to ask, and it's even harder to remember all of the responses and recommendations. When there is a second person, it's also easier to ask the "stupid" questions or to keep pressuring a doctor to stay on track and give you the answers you need, because it can be uncomfortable to be pushy when you're by yourself -- and it's also a lot easier to get distracted and accidentally forget things.

Also, there is the bad news factor. I always wanted to be there with my dh in case he got bad news. I didn't want him to have to hear it on his own.

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, ikslo said:

My husband was in his 30s when he met me.  Fully functioning adult, going to doctor's appointments on his own.  I have never been to a doctor's appointment with him.  Only once did he need me to be his ride home after an appointment (biopsy), and it was during covid and I wasn't allowed in. I don't assume he is lying to me when he says he has high blood pressure and prostate cancer.

My dh was in his mid-40s when we met, so he was definitely used to going to doctor's appointments on his own, too, but all that changed when he was diagnosed with a serious illness. At that point, everything changed and I started going to appointments with him. We were facing literal life and death decisions, and I didn't want him to have to handle things like that on his own.

If your dh has cancer, you might want to consider getting more involved, just to make sure you are onboard with the treatment plan, and so you are aware of all of the alternatives. I know a woman whose dh was diagnosed with cancer and she trusted him to make the best decisions for his treatment, but unfortunately, she didn't realize how fearful he was of the surgery that would have had a 90% cure rate, and he told her his only option was the experimental treatment that had a 40% cure rate. Had he gone through with the surgery, he would almost certainly still be alive today -- and had his wife known the odds, and had he known that she would be there every step of the way to help him through everything, she probably would have been able to convince him to make the smart choice.

Obviously, I'm not trying to suggest that your dh is making bad decisions, or that he is sicker than he's letting on! I'm also not suggesting you go to every appointment with his regular doctor with him. I'm just saying that it might be worth going along to the cancer-related appointments with him, both so you know exactly what's going on and can ask questions, and also so you and your dh are a team as he goes through whatever treatments he needs. It's great to have support from family at home, but there is something special about having that spouse right there next to you when there is a serious illness involved.

I hope I don't sound critical -- I don't mean to! I just wanted to give you a different perspective on the doctor's appointments. Feel free to ignore me! 🙂 

[TexasProud]

49 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

Yes, I have relatives in their 80s who use the internet. They might not be totally tech savvy but they can google stuff, send emails, and pay bills. 

That sounds like a good idea to try and teach her some basic online skills.

Is she the older one with a younger man or is she 64? I'm 66 and have been using the internet for 30+ years. Dh is 3 years older than me and has been using it even longer - since the early days of Prodigy and Compuserve and everything was DOS. Maybe ability to use the internet depends on your age when you started. If she didn't start when she was younger I suppose it can be intimidating.

Well, it may be a cognitive thing and just the speed that stuff goes AND personal interest. My mom is 78.  She used to get on Facebook a really long time ago, mainly to just look at our family stuff. She didn't post. She used to do her travel stuff online.  But now she gets so increasingly frustrated. Passwords don't work, have to be changed too much. Websites change and she thinks the apps and stuff are malware.  She gets so frustrated and I don't blame her.  But mom only went to the internet for a specific reason. She never surfed.  She keeps getting locked out of her email. Something about how the internet provider was linked or something. Plus their email is sbcglobal.net which doesn't exist anymore, but is a part of yahoo.  My computer programming son finally got her accounts merged or something.  They have had this email account as long as internet has existed I think.  I would rather just have them get a gmail account, but at this time in their life they would never remember the new email address. Trying to do patient portals has been a nightmare with them.  Mom doesn't ever want to get on the computer anymore, and I don't blame her a bit. 

26 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

Okay, that last bit? Nope just a hard no. Medical people, even the ones addicted to McD's, don't tell their patients to eat whatever the neck they want. At this point, she really is being wilfully ignorant.

But, you can't fix that either.

Well...my mom's doctor told her to drink lots of boosts and eat whatever sounds good to her. She is just trying to get mom to eat.  She was 155 in September but is 119 now. 

[Garga]

4 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

Sure.

But . . . faking a spouse? I can't wrap my head around that. I mean I know relationships vary, but when DH was in the process of being diagnosed I was at every appointment. Scans, surgeon, oncologist, radiologist -- if it weren't for the pandemic I would have been to every single one. Even now on the more routine visits (where having someone accompany the patient is discouraged unless necessary) he gets me on the speaker phone. To me it would have to be an unusual relationship for a spouse to not have been to some medical appointment with a cancer patient.

Well yes…if someone has cancer, you go with them.

But this guy doesn’t have cancer! He doesn’t actually have any scans, surgeons, oncologists, radiologists.  So…of course she’s not going to appointments with him. He’s not going either!

[GoodGrief3]

50 minutes ago, Garga said:

Well yes…if someone has cancer, you go with them.

But this guy doesn’t have cancer! He doesn’t actually have any scans, surgeons, oncologists, radiologists.  So…of course she’s not going to appointments with him. He’s not going either!

For the person I referenced above who faked cancer, his fiancee was not the only person he fooled. The entire swim team (he had time to coach despite his busy schedule as a neurologist and military secret agent) received an e mail detailing his rare cancer that required treatment out of state, and everyone was sending prayers and well wishes. There were three of us with kids on the team who didn't buy this (because we had researched the situation) and we were told to stop being busybodies. The guy left for a month or so for "treatment" and his fiancee did not question the oddness of the situation, nor did many other otherwise responsible people.

I just googled the guy, and apparently after he left here, he fooled another group of people/swim team with similar stories, and briefly made the local news when he was caught again.

All that to say, I completely understand why the OP is dealing with the situation as she is.

[Pawz4me]

48 minutes ago, Garga said:

Well yes…if someone has cancer, you go with them.

But this guy doesn’t have cancer! He doesn’t actually have any scans, surgeons, oncologists, radiologists.  So…of course she’s not going to appointments with him. He’s not going either!

Well .  .  . yeah. That was my point, that if he indeed had cancer there would be some of those, and it would be pretty difficult for a spouse to not know about them. Or see some bills, hear some phone conversations with doctors, scan schedulers, or the insurance company or something. Cancer, or any truly serious diagnosis, typically requires lots and lots of phone calls and mail and hoop jumping. Conversely -- the absence of any of those things should be a huge red flag flapping in her face telling her that maybe his story isn't exactly adding up. A spouse should certainly be privy to some evidence (so to speak) beyond the patient's word just by living under the same roof.

While I don't doubt for a minute that the guy is scamming her, I think the lady must have some serious problems of her own that she can't understand that something isn't on the up and up here.  There certainly are high level cons that could "take" any of us. This . . . doesn't seem to be one of those.

[Frances]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

Okay, that last bit? Nope just a hard no. Medical people, even the ones addicted to McD's, don't tell their patients to eat whatever the neck they want. At this point, she really is being wilfully ignorant.

But, you can't fix that either.

Both my dad and my FIL, when undergoing cancer treatments and losing weight, we’re told by their doctors to go ahead and eat anything that appealed to them. They were both trim and fit before getting cancer, so went into it without any extra weight to lose.  My always thin son was also told it by his doctor a few times when bad viruses zapped his appetite and he went into ketosis. While I don’t doubt this guy is lying to his wife, this advice from a doctor, especially for a thin person losing weight due to cancer treatments or illness, would not raise a red flag for me.

Edited January 26, 2022 by Frances

[GoodGrief3]

4 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

While I don't doubt for a minute that the guy is scamming her, I think the lady must have some serious problems of her own that she can't understand that something isn't on the up and up here.  There certainly are high level cons that could "take" any of us. This . . . doesn't seem to be one of those.

My experience is that people can be very slow to see the truth, if the scenario at hand is really something they want or a person they trust (and sometimes there is no good reason for them to trust the person, they just do.)

[Pawz4me]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

Okay, that last bit? Nope just a hard no. Medical people, even the ones addicted to McD's, don't tell their patients to eat whatever the neck they want. At this point, she really is being wilfully ignorant.

But, you can't fix that either.

 

1 hour ago, TexasProud said:

 

Well...my mom's doctor told her to drink lots of boosts and eat whatever sounds good to her. She is just trying to get mom to eat.  She was 155 in September but is 119 now. 

 

3 minutes ago, Frances said:

Both my dad and my FIL, when undergoing cancer treatments and losing weight, we’re told by their doctors to go ahead and eat anything that appealed to them. They were both trim and fit before getting cancer, so went into it without any extra weight to lose.  My always thin son was also told it by his doctor a few times when bad viruses zapped his appetite and he went into ketosis. While I don’t doubt this guy is lying to his wife, this advice from a doctor, especially for a thin person losing weight due to cancer treatments or illness, would not raise a red flag for me.

Yeah. The last thing an oncologist wants is his patient to start losing a significant amount of weight. Cachexia is a major, major concern for cancer patients. The docs typically don't care where the calories are coming from as long as the patient is getting enough of them.

[itsheresomewhere]

6 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

Well .  .  . yeah. That was my point, that if he indeed had cancer there would be some of those, and it would be pretty difficult for a spouse to not know about them. Or see some bills, hear some phone conversations with doctors, scan schedulers, or the insurance company or something. Cancer, or any truly serious diagnosis, typically requires lots and lots of phone calls and mail and hoop jumping. Conversely -- the absence of any of those things should be a huge red flag flapping in her face telling her that maybe his story isn't exactly adding up. A spouse should certainly be privy to some evidence (so to speak) beyond the patient's word just by living under the same roof.

While I don't doubt for a minute that the guy is scamming her, I think the lady must have some serious problems of her own that she can't understand that something isn't on the up and up here.  There certainly are high level cons that could "take" any of us. This . . . doesn't seem to be one of those.

He came into her life at a really bad time.  She had just lost her mom after caring for her for years with dementia.  And he has built this scam up slowly.  I can see how she doesn’t see it yet. 

[footballmom]

OP, Any chance someone could call ahead to her doctor and fill them / someone on the admin team that could pass along to her doctor? I know the doctor wouldn’t be able to comment / interact about the situation, but their awareness could be very helpful for your friend and doctor.

Anyone else thinking they should have a girls weekend away - especially since he’s so supported by his oncologist and she’s under so much worry - and hope that with a couple of days away, she may have a fresher perspective? 

[Ausmumof3]

I’m sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but if you’re not having contact with him is there any chance she’s actually the one making things up to share with you all?

[itsheresomewhere]

7 minutes ago, footballmom said:

OP, Any chance someone could call ahead to her doctor and fill them / someone on the admin team that could pass along to her doctor? I know the doctor wouldn’t be able to comment / interact about the situation, but their awareness could be very helpful for your friend and doctor.

Anyone else thinking they should have a girls weekend away - especially since he’s so supported by his oncologist and she’s under so much worry - and hope that with a couple of days away, she may have a fresher perspective? 

I did suggest she ask her doctor some questions. We have tried to get her away for just a few hours. But he needs constant supervision by her according to his “doctor”.  

[itsheresomewhere]

7 minutes ago, Ausmumof3 said:

I’m sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but if you’re not having contact with him is there any chance she’s actually the one making things up to share with you all?

No.  We had in person contact with him before over the years.  His stories of his life never made sense to any of us.

[Ausmumof3]

11 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

No.  We had in person contact with him before over the years.  His stories of his life never made sense to any of us.

Oh fair enough. It sounds like it’s a long established behaviour pattern.

[Tap]

On 1/25/2022 at 2:11 PM, Kassia said:

I always prefer going alone no matter what.  I've even had outpatient surgeries when I've had DH drop me off and come get me when I'm in recovery.  I just hate having anyone around me if I'm sick and/or in pain.  With an elderly person or someone who isn't familiar with their condition and there needs to be someone else listening in that's a different situation but my preference is always to do it by myself.  

Me too.  I never had my xh at my appointments. Then only appointments he attended of mine, were dropping me off/picking me up from procedures and baby ultrasound appointments/deliveries. I once had my appendix rupture when he was out of state working. He offered to fly home, but I refused and told that the nurses/kids were taking care of me and for him to stay at work. When he got home that weekend, it was more irritating that he was there. Because then I had to worry about him and answer all of his questions too. At one point, I forgot that I didn't tell him I had skin cancer and had surgery to remove it. I thought I told him, but he says I didn't. I had an incision on the front of my neck and he must not have asked why it was bandaged up. LOL Oops! He was a work-a-holic and traveled a lot. I was raising 3 kids essentially alone. He wasn't one to ask....so I didn't feel the need to explain my complex medical things to a person who really didn't understand much medical information anyways. 

Part of it was a lack of interest on his side too. I would explain some things with the kids medical issues, but while he understood the words, much of it was too complex for him to actually understand. I could see it would be very easy to dupe someone like him with medical things.  He is quite intelligent, just not in things that involve medical jargon. 

 

[Tap]

It sounds like he likes to control her with sympathy and emotional manipulation. She also may feel 'needed' by the caregiver role. 

[TravelingChris]

On 1/25/2022 at 1:09 PM, gardenmom5 said:

 

same personality types as bigamists.  Flags get swept under the rug, usually because they're too uncomfortable to face.

Just last year, we had the great verdicts if a bigamist and his first wife who conspired and killed his second wife who was pregnant with his baby, her mother, an older child and a very young child then set the house on fire. He got death and she got life w no parole.

Then a few weeks ago, a police officer not on duty at the time.  killed a woman who thought she was his fiancee and was pregnant. Apparently, he also had another woman who lived locally (the murder victim lived in NC, traveled to GA to see her kids and then here to visit 'fiance'.

I will stop w these two examples. I can give many more. 

Scammers aren't violent until they are.  All too often, they really don't want to get caught and then strike out

[Lecka]

I have a relative who was also scammed by a man who claimed to be a former military officer.

His angle turned out to be taking out credit cards in her name.  There was some other financial stuff where he got in her bank account, but mainly it was taking out credit cards in his name.

And then I think he scammed her into believing that he wasn’t really the one who did it, so that she wouldn’t call the police on him.  Or he might have hidden it from her.  I heard it both ways.  

Then at some point he took out credit cards with her daughter’s name, and when the daughter found out she (the daughter) called the police.  
 

My parents met this man and found him to be very charismatic and likable.  They knew the daughter didn’t like him but this was presented as — she would be jealous of anyone her mom was seeing.  The man made out that he was understanding of the daughter not liking him, so it came across like he was even better to not hold it against the daughter that she didn’t like him.  
 

This was really sad because it turned out the daughter was right all along, but people including my parents were charmed by the man and assumed she was just being childish and would come around.  Not that they were deeply involved, but no relative took her seriously and no relative gave any pushback against this guy.
 

And then for a while the mom was mad the daughter called the police even though there turned out to be tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt in her name.  The mom still believed the man over her daughter for a while at this point, that it was not really him and that he was wealthy and would pay the bills himself.  
 

My parents said they would have wondered how anyone could fall for this whole thing in retrospect, but they had met the guy and didn’t suspect anything.  They met him while visiting from out of state.  

Edited January 27, 2022 by Lecka