S/O - Are you the same IRL as online?

[deBij]

I am a lot quieter online  than in person.  I enjoy reading people on here.  Your comments are insightful and interesting.  Often I feel like you guys have it all covered, and I am happy just to read.

In person though, I often feel conversations can use my input, and I talk a lot (unless the conversation isn't interesting, and can't be steered to something more interesting.  Then I end up observing or leaving). 

[VminusEplusFis2]

13 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

To be honest, I think the more interesting thing is not what WE think about how we present IRL and online... it's what people who interact with us think. I am curious 😛 . @VminusEplusFis2, what do you say? 

Very similar both online and IRL, but I can also definitely see the bolded below, which I guess is a common thread for parents, and especially homeschooling parents, who choose to be diplomatic for the sake of their kids' social life:

19 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

Hah. Yeah, that's how I feel. I have the same thoughts IRL, I just censor them much more heavily. 

Frankly, I like organizing things and networking in real life, and it simply wouldn't fly for me to be nearly as outspoken. I just blow off steam when talking to DH later 😂.

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think that what you don't say is as telling as what you do say.  Most of my conversations in real life aren't debates.  So I'm not making an argument as much as I do here where some of the threads are what I consider debate threads.  I am, however, not silent on the things that I think are important.  Instead, I will just simply explain what I think and why.  (I can debate in real life.  I did very well in debate class.  I also teach in real life and can formulate my teaching in a rhetorical way that presents my arguments and my supporting points.  But I have been asked to teach in those settings and people have a choice as to whether they want to come hear me.) 

I make choices in real life and here as to whether I want to continue to engage with certain people.  I like debating / continuing the conversation on important topics with people who are genuinely interacting, listening and explaining their own view.  It's an "iron sharpening iron" thing for me (to make a Biblical allusion).  I do not like interacting with people who are close-minded and talk over others.  I do know a few of those people in real life (often pastors, unfortunately) and I tend to avoid them. 

 

[Elizabeth86]

No. I seem like a depressed pile of depression on here. I’m barely ever down and out. Just when I’m upset I needed someone not close to talk to. My people always just take my side and offer no real advice.

[Lady Florida.]

I'm mostly the same in real life as I am here. At least I think so. I'm present in three online places, here, a moms email list for our Sept. '97 kids that's still going, and Facebook. On FB most but not all my friends are people I know IRL. I've met a few boardies and several of the women on the moms list. One of the good things about living near the Orlando theme parks is when online friends vacation there you can meet up with them easily. FB however, is where I really have people who know me IRL. 

With the exception of a few distant family members, the people I'm surrounded with IRL are like minded so we don't have debates. We do often vent to one another about those who have very different opinions. I do like that here I can engage with people who are different but I can also choose not to engage if we're too far apart and just talking over each other. 

I'm mostly Happy Facebook but I do post political stuff and Covid stuff. I try to mix it with fun stuff or happy photos. I'm not one to air my sorrows on FB but that fits with how I am IRL too (and I'm not bothered by those who do tell all online). If I need to talk it will be to dh or 1-2 very close friends so I'm actually not one to air my sorrows to everyone IRL either.

 

14 hours ago, Farrar said:

 

I'm mostly the same. Everyone moderates for different groups and situations, I think. I geek out more with some friends, am more thoughtful with others. I'm a version of my real self here.

Yes to this. I might not present exactly the same online as I do in person but both versions are still the real me. 

13 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

Yeah, I mean, I don’t introduce a subject in real life with a title for discussion. And I don’t present links with data (though if someone wanted that I would certainly would send it to them). There are more casual conversational threads on here that are probably more like my normal casual conversations. There are prayer or religious threads here that are more like conversations I have in certain settings. I do participate in local politics:  that’s probably the closest real life thing to some of the more serious threads on this board. 

I participate in local politics too. I have different kinds of casual conversations here than I do IRL but I still might ask IRL friends, "Hey, what kind of washer do you have? Do you like it?" 

55 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I think that what you don't say is as telling as what you do say.  Most of my conversations in real life aren't debates.  So I'm not making an argument as much as I do here where some of the threads are what I consider debate threads.  I am, however, not silent on the things that I think are important.  Instead, I will just simply explain what I think and why.

I enjoy the debates here even when all I do is read and click like on the posts I agree with. I think the IRL people who disagree with me (as I said mostly distant family) are not the type to engage in back and forth discussions like we have here. 

 

[Garga]

21 hours ago, hjffkj said:

I am the same irl as online.

Yes you are!

And so is Quill and so is Happypamama. 

When you can meet someone IRL, there is more nuance to them than online—there’s the body language and tone of voice that can’t be experienced online. But overall, for you and Quill and Happy, your posts all come across the same way that you come across IRL. 

For some groups of friends, I’m pretty much exactly as I am here. But for others, I do a lot of censoring.

 

Edited August 29, 2021 by Garga

[happi duck]

17 hours ago, purpleowl said:

I'm an actual purple owl in real life, yes. 😉

 

But seriously: I end up being quieter online, I think. Online, I type and retype and try to make sure I've considered how it will be received and retype again and consider again and and and...and then the thread has moved on and my comment would be weird. Or I type up an answer and then think, "No, Amanda, nobody cares or has any need to know that." So I frequently decide not to post.

In person, I am much more likely to just go ahead and say the thing, assuming I feel comfortable with the people and setting.

Same! (Except I'm a happi duck 😜)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who types and then deletes because I think no one needs to hear from me. (hugs)

[Not_a_Number]

4 hours ago, VminusEplusFis2 said:

Very similar both online and IRL, but I can also definitely see the bolded below, which I guess is a common thread for parents, and especially homeschooling parents, who choose to be diplomatic for the sake of their kids' social life:

 

Thanks for chiming in!! 😄 That’s interesting that I’m pretty similar 🙂 

[73349]

I'm much more candid here than on FB (where I seldom have much to say), but I'm more direct with a small group of IRL friends (who are educators but mostly not homeschoolers).

[Ausmumof3]

I thought of something else.  Often in real life I think of something to do with the topic of conversation several hours later and then it’s too late.  Online I can go back, find the thread and share my stroke of genius 😆

[TexasProud]

Ok, so the pledge of allegience discussion is an example. If I entered a room and people were talking about how creepy the pledge was, I would smile and gently turn the subject to something different. I am extremely good at that.  I try to keep everyone in the room comfortable. 

On here, I put what I thought, though not all of what I thought. I should have put that it is deeply important to me, but I cannot tell you why. I love American. I am proud to be an American. Dissing the pledge feels like putting down America to me.

I put this on this thread because it is JAWM and I don't want it veering off the subject of this and to be told I am wrong.  

Here I will say it ( though run away afterwards). In real life I don't have the courage.

[Scarlett]

17 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Ok, so the pledge of allegience discussion is an example. If I entered a room and people were talking about how creepy the pledge was, I would smile and gently turn the subject to something different. I am extremely good at that.  I try to keep everyone in the room comfortable. 

On here, I put what I thought, though not all of what I thought. I should have put that it is deeply important to me, but I cannot tell you why. I love American. I am proud to be an American. Dissing the pledge feels like putting down America to me.

I put this on this thread because it is JAWM and I don't want it veering off the subject of this and to be told I am wrong.  

Here I will say it ( though run away afterwards). In real life I don't have the courage.

This is not a JAWM.  Why do you feel like you can’t speak your mind here? People might come on and argue your point but that doesn’t mean they hate you or anything……have you always had the majority agree with you? I ask because I am a life long outlier and have no issue with people disagreeing with me.  

[Scarlett]

I guess I should rephrase that…..I don’t like for people to be aggressively against me.I have experienced that.  But i have also experienced people just believing differently than me…..and that’s ok.  I explain my position if they are threatened and life goes on.

Edited August 30, 2021 by Scarlett

[Melissa Louise]

7 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I guess I should rephrase that…..I don’t like for people to be aggressively against me.I have experienced that.  But i have also experienced people just believing differently than me…..and that’s ok.  I explain my position if they are threatened and life goes on.

The aggressively against thing is definitely an online phenomenon. The things people say about people as a person - not their opinion or whatever - online is wild! Also funny, sometimes, when the gap between what's being said and reality is so HUGE.

I'll never forget the time a poster accused me of homeschooling to raise up an army of homophobes to go out and gay bash.

Like, hello? Are you deranged? That is a 'reality' that exists only in a fever dream  It would be literally insane for someone to suggest that about me IRL, and it would never happen. 

Online life creates incentives for massive, unreal projection. 

 

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

The aggressively against thing is definitely an online phenomenon. The things people say about people as a person - not their opinion or whatever - online is wild! Also funny, sometimes, when the gap between what's being said and reality is so HUGE.

I'll never forget the time a poster accused me of homeschooling to raise up an army of homophobes to go out and gay bash.

Like, hello? Are you deranged? That is a 'reality' that exists only in a fever dream  It would be literally insane for someone to suggest that about me IRL, and it would never happen. 

Online life creates incentives for massive, unreal projection. 

 

I have always been super confused about you and the interactions you have with some……I thought…and I might be wrong…..that your daughter is lesbian….and that you were supportive of that. But then you seem to have people bashing you for being homophobic….so I have been super confused.

[Melissa Louise]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I have always been super confused about you and the interactions you have with some……I thought…and I might be wrong…..that your daughter is lesbian….and that you were supportive of that. But then you seem to have people bashing you for being homophobic….so I have been super confused.

My kids are gay, bi and bi. Happily so and very accepted, as are their partners. That particular poster was just high on having an 'enemy' to berate. (They don't post here anymore and haven't for ages). 

Mind you, I also think ppl were crazy about Albeto. Yes, the atheism was tiring for many, I'm sure, but she was actually a pretty decent person. 

[Janeway]

Totally not the same online as offline. No one knows my personal business offline. I have shared way more online than offline. 

[TexasProud]

11 hours ago, Scarlett said:

This is not a JAWM.  Why do you feel like you can’t speak your mind here? People might come on and argue your point but that doesn’t mean they hate you or anything……have you always had the majority agree with you? I ask because I am a life long outlier and have no issue with people disagreeing with me.  

Probably because my dad made me feel like I was stupid and an inch tall.  My husband doesnt do that, but he is all about doing things the right way.   And I am not being sarcastic, my husband does do everything well. I had no idea what vacuum cleaner tools were.  Some things you guys are grossed out by, I did until my husband explained. 

 

Sometimes I don’t care if I am wrong. I think what I think and feel what I feel

 

 

Edited August 30, 2021 by TexasProud

[SKL]

To the second question whether people on WTM probably view us like people IRL view us?

I don't think so in my case.  IRL people view me as "the sane one," someone wise who chooses her words well (usually), someone humble, generous, private, principled, intelligent, rational, caring, accepting, curious/wanting to learn, responsible, witty, and down-to-earth.  I feel like people online probably see me as closed-minded, judgmental, selfish, and arrogant.

[fraidycat]

3 hours ago, Melissa Louise said:

My kids are gay, bi and bi. Happily so and very accepted, as are their partners. That particular poster was just high on having an 'enemy' to berate. (They don't post here anymore and haven't for ages). 

Mind you, I also think ppl were crazy about Albeto. Yes, the atheism was tiring for many, I'm sure, but she was actually a pretty decent person. 

I've wondered how she is doing a few times. Weren't her and her husband in a motorcycle accident right around the time she stopped posting?

[Melissa Louise]

20 minutes ago, fraidycat said:

I've wondered how she is doing a few times. Weren't her and her husband in a motorcycle accident right around the time she stopped posting?

Yep, I think so. 

[TexasProud]

Plus, I can see a lot of point of views. So on the pledge thread, I get why people feel the way that they do. I put myself in other's place. But often that meant dismissing my own thoughts and feelings and just not standing up for them. I never will because half the time, like on the pledge thread, I see how I am wrong. But I don't care.  Can I just not second guess or analyze every single thought and feeling and wonder if it is ok or not.  It is what I think and feel and I don't want to be talked out of it or second guess. So I am not going back on the pledge thread. I just can't. It makes me feel too bad.

[MercyA]

8 hours ago, SKL said:

I feel like people online probably see me as closed-minded, judgmental, selfish, and arrogant.

What? I don't. 

[MercyA]

@TexasProud, I admire how self-perceptive and honest you are.