S/O - Are you the same IRL as online?

[BlsdMama]

It sounds odd... like we’re actually creepers, but, I’m not the same online as IRL. 
 

I let far more of what I think out online. In real life, I’m funnier, but it’s more deflective. Online, I allow myself to be opinionated and reflective. I rarely let that show beyond my husband and my kids. 
 

I wondered if others experience the same?

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am the same online as off.  I have met many (over 30) boardies over the years and I think that they would say the same?  I never ever had any expectation of privacy on this board so I have never "hidden" behind people not knowing who I am.  (I realize that people aren't hiding by using a username but people have talked about not wanting people in real life to know who they are on the board.)  I do get in more in depth discussions on this board but that's more the nature of having a typed discussion, I think.  

[Arcadia]

I am the same, probably more extroverted in real life. It’s easier to be chatty in real life and being able to convey nuances without being misunderstood.

[Pawz4me]

I think I'm pretty much the same here as I am with the people I feel most comfortable with in real life.

[TexasProud]

12 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

It sounds odd... like we’re actually creepers, but, I’m not the same online as IRL. 
 

I let far more of what I think out online. In real life, I’m funnier, but it’s more deflective. Online, I allow myself to be opinionated and reflective. I rarely let that show beyond my husband and my kids. 
 

I wondered if others experience the same?

Neither am I . I am much more negative on here than in real life. I am sunny and encouraging to everyone in my real life. They never see me discouraged or sad. They see me as confident and in control. 

My husband is the exception, and that has only been in the last few years when I started being honest.

You guys are the only ones who see me confused and sad.

[Not_a_Number]

11 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

I let far more of what I think out online. In real life, I’m funnier, but it’s more deflective. Online, I allow myself to be opinionated and reflective. I rarely let that show beyond my husband and my kids. 

I'm pretty opinionated in both situations, but I do mostly try not to get in fights now that I'm no longer a teenager 😉. Managing to have decent relationships in real life requires employing a lot less candor than I employ online. 

[BlsdMama]

17 minutes ago, TexasProud said:

Neither am I . I am much more negative on here than in real life. I am sunny and encouraging to everyone in my real life. They never see me discouraged or sad. They see me as confident and in control. 

My husband is the exception, and that has only been in the last few years when I started being honest.

You guys are the only ones who see me confused and sad.

This. I think in the homeschooling communities, or at least rurally, people want to believe someone has it all figured out and the assumption feels like it ought to be moms with a lot of kids or older kids. There *is* a lot I’ve learned in experience, but it puts me in a role in uncomfortable with and no one really wants to “hear” if I’m uncertain. I’ve gotten much more “nod, smile, listen,” IRL. 
@Jean in Newcastle - maybe that’s what I’m trying to put my finger on? Here we often discuss things, turn them over, dissect. In real life, it feels more ? Hurried? Shallow? 
 

I have many people I love IRL but we generally don’t go deep. I miss this... I think it’s largely since we moved back. In Oregon we had a small personal cooperative. I miss knowing a few people deeply vs. many shallowly. The latter is worth little. 

Edited August 28, 2021 by BlsdMama

[KSera]

I’m much more easy going IRL, I think. I tend to use this as a place where I can be more analytical and be more open with my opinions. I wouldn’t subject people to all that IRL 😂. Here, people can click away if not interested. 

[Not_a_Number]

7 minutes ago, KSera said:

I’m much more easy going IRL, I think. I tend to use this as a place where I can be more analytical and be more open with my opinions. I wouldn’t subject people to all that IRL 😂. Here, people can click away if not interested. 

Hah. Yeah, that's how I feel. I have the same thoughts IRL, I just censor them much more heavily. 

Frankly, I like organizing things and networking in real life, and it simply wouldn't fly for me to be nearly as outspoken. I just blow off steam when talking to DH later 😂.

[Arcadia]

4 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

I have many people I love IRL but we generally don’t go deep. I miss this... I think it’s largely since we moved back. In Oregon we had a small personal cooperative. I miss knowing a few people deeply vs. many shallowly. The latter is worth little. 

I have friends from elementary school that are all in different continents. Since we have known each other’s good, bad, and ugly moments, it is easier to let it all out (no image to upkeep, nothing to unintentionally offend). It used to be ranting/whining to each other using IRC (internet relay chat) during college days and we were scattered all over the globe. Now there are so many more ways to chat and keep in touch.

[elegantlion]

IRL I'm more sarcastic. 

It depends on what circle I'm in IRL too. Among close family & friends, I will be honest and talk openly more. I feel comfortable here to talk openly too. At school, I'm more stoic and everything's fine kind of way. I've been reflecting on this behavior in myself for a few months. I've been working for one of the professors over the summer and realized that even though she's been around me academically for the last few years, I've never completely been myself with her. So, I've tried to let my guard down a bit as we've had more informal interactions. 

I'm much more at ease here as I can mull over replies more than IRL. For years, as my life was falling apart, I felt I needed to appear strong in person. There were very few people who saw that vulnerable side of me. I've been weak here. 

[happi duck]

I think I'm very similar but I'm in the habit of not letting anything slip that might give my identity.

I wasn't a big fan of my local homeschool community and didn't want anyone to "recognize" me if they were here. 

At this point I doubt I need to "hide" anymore!

[Murphy101]

Idk. I think I’m the same but quieter in person? I actually don’t talk much in person IRL until I get to know someone.

Everyone that meets me IRL says I’m intimidating (?!) or aggressive (?!) online and then they meet me and are like “I was a bit scared to meet you in person but you’re actually rather nice.” <- actual quote from a local friend.

The only reason for this I can come up with is that I’m a woman who is blunt and logical and socially that’s considered aggressive in a woman?🤷‍♀️

[JustEm]

I am the same irl as online.

[SounderChick]

I am much more sarcastic and a smart a&& in real life.  Quick with the one liner and rarely think before I speak.

[Terabith]

I'm pretty much the same in real life, although it takes me awhile to get comfortable with people I don't know well.  

[Spryte]

I’m mostly the same. The boardies that have met me probably agree. 
 

The one place I differ is Covid. I am much more vocal here about my thoughts re: masking, vaccinating, social distancing. That’s mainly because I don’t want to alienate my entire neighborhood IRL. They know my thoughts, but I keep it pretty mellow and do any venting here (like the time DH and I were accosted for wearing masks? I shared the outrage, hurt, confusion about that here - and with people IRL who are on the same page with me).
 

I don’t have a lot of shallow friendships IRL. Definitely wouldn’t characterize my friendships that way. Maybe some acquaintances, but not friends. We don’t have to agree, but we absolutely have the Big Discussions. That’s what makes us friends, for me.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle]

Frankly, I’m a lot nicer online. I find virtual people much less irritating.

[kbutton]

53 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I think I'm pretty much the same here as I am with the people I feel most comfortable with in real life.

Me too, but that's a really big disclaimer in my case. 

22 minutes ago, elegantlion said:

It depends on what circle I'm in IRL too. Among close family & friends, I will be honest and talk openly more. I feel comfortable here to talk openly too. 

This too.

4 minutes ago, Spryte said:

The one place I differ is Covid. I am much more vocal here about my thoughts re: masking, vaccinating, social distancing.

I am pretty outspoken on my FB page about Covid, but I started out just saying things because I thought people would want to stay informed. Boy was I wrong! I try to talk about it less IRL because it's so overwhelming how bad it is here, and I think other people don't want to know, think about, or worry about Covid. They've made their choices and are simply marching forward either confidently or at least with the idea they are doing the best they can. They don't seem to think other people's choices make a big difference even if they would prefer people are more careful (and that's so few people that it's disheartening). Post-vaccine, most cautious people I know IRL aren't masking even after Delta. A few are masking in certain situations but not around family, etc. (most of whom are also vaccinated, but they are out and about as well).

[Carrie12345]

Well, yes but no?   
Nothing I write here is anything I wouldn’t say IRL... to certain people. I have different relationships within family and friend groups, where some things in some circles are more acceptable or open than in others. One group will hear a lot more cuss words than I can get away with here. Another will hear less about homeschooling than I’d talk about here. But I’m never not me here, lol.

[gardenmom5]

Why do I feel like Spock when I say "I don't understand the question".

 

I'm probably more outgoing on the board than I am irl with strangers/people I don't know well.  But other than that, the same.

Edited August 28, 2021 by gardenmom5

[fraidycat]

I think I am the same here and IRL. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Quiet, but loud. As in, I don't talk all the time, but when I do it is because I have something to share and I speak (write) as plainly as possible to get my point across. 
 

I feel that in both places, I tend to be like wallpaper. Blending into the scenery and mostly forgettable.

[Katy]

If you’ve known me a long time, you’d probably say I’m similar to who I was as a child. I’m more reserved with my political opinions in real life, at least until I trust someone.  I’m much more open about my family in real life or I was.  Idk, moving shortly before Covid and not having gotten involved in many activities here means our lives are drastically different than they were before.

[SKL]

I am not really much of a talker, and I communicate way better in writing.  And my friends aren't readers.  Also, some of my closest people have unhelpful reactions to a lot of things I say.  For example, if I share a problem I'm having with my kid, it becomes a discussion about why I suck as a parent, often with various "helpful" attacks on my family etc.  So in general, I am a woman of few words IRL, compared to online.  With my kids, I have to dumb down a lot of things, although I do talk more with them.

I don't think I present different values etc. online versus IRL.  I just rarely discuss it in much depth IRL.

[HS Mom in NC]

If it's mindless chitter-chatter about the weather or sportsball or that kind of thing with random acquaintances, I avoid participating, but if it's a conservation like the threads here, I'm much the same.

[Dmmetler]

Due to dyspraxia, I choose my words very carefully in speech, because something that is hard physically to say can cause me to "block" and struggle to speak at all. So, I tend to present with a much smaller "fund of verbal knowledge" in person than in writing, because I stick with what I KNOW I can say. Anxiety also comes into play. I find it much easier to talk to children than to adults, and much easier to talk to people after I've known them awhile. So, it is very likely that people who have conversed with me extensively online, especially through PM, may well know me better than people I've known for years, but never gotten to that level of comfort with in person. And it's very likely that I come off as smarter online than in casual chitchat, too. 

[Scarlett]

I am the same …in that I am not living a double life. I do spill more here over topics my IRL people either don’t understand or get tired of hearing about. 
 

For instance  my work issues… I live in a small town and work for a very well known man. I absolutely cannot smear the company’s business around IRL. 
 

 

[Drama Llama]

...

Edited October 30, 2021 by Nothingtoseehere

[Wheres Toto]

I think I may be slightly more extroverted online than I am in real life.  I don't tend to talk to random people or join a group of strangers very easily (example going to a ladies social event at a lake I belong to).  I do much better when I can think out what to say.

I may be slightly snarkier in real life.  I know sarcasm doesn't always come across well, so I think I may tone that down a bit.  

I definitely curse less here than I do IRL, at least at home.  I'm pretty careful at my classes and don't curse in front of children that aren't my own (generally).  

I have IRL friends that I vent to or talk about struggles, so that's about the same.  

[Tap]

Yep. Same person. 

[Ausmumof3]

I tone my opinionatedness down a lot more in real life I think.  And I’m less outspoken.  I think maybe it’s less about online versus offline and more about this specific forum.  This forum is a pretty good space for talking about stuff in a sciencey mathy kind of way and although here I feel quite dumb in those departments I’m definitely more that way than most of the mum friends I have IRL.

[Rosie_0801]

I'm interpreted better online than off.

[Melissa Louise]

Nope, I am much more liked IRL. 

I argue sooo much less IRL. In fact, I'm not argumentative at all, except occasionally at home. 

IRL I have good friends, and we don't fall out over differences in perspective. 

I'm funnier IRL. Sillier.

All in all, IRL gets and gives me a best self, most of the time. 

I definitely find my online self more problematic - it's partly me, and partly the online context. 

 

 

 

 

[ScoutTN]

Yes, pretty much the same. 

As others have said, the comparison depends on the IRL circle. Depth of conversation and the topics vary, but I am the same person. 

 

[purpleowl]

I'm an actual purple owl in real life, yes. 😉

 

But seriously: I end up being quieter online, I think. Online, I type and retype and try to make sure I've considered how it will be received and retype again and consider again and and and...and then the thread has moved on and my comment would be weird. Or I type up an answer and then think, "No, Amanda, nobody cares or has any need to know that." So I frequently decide not to post.

In person, I am much more likely to just go ahead and say the thing, assuming I feel comfortable with the people and setting.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Melissa Louise said:

Nope, I am much more liked IRL. 

I argue sooo much less IRL. In fact, I'm not argumentative at all, except occasionally at home. 

IRL I have good friends, and we don't fall out over differences in perspective. 

I'm funnier IRL. Sillier.

All in all, IRL gets and gives me a best self, most of the time. 

I definitely find my online self more problematic - it's partly me, and partly the online context. 

 

 

 

 

I can see that.

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I'm interpreted better online than off.

I can see this too.  🙂

[TexasProud]

1 hour ago, purpleowl said:

I'm an actual purple owl in real life, yes. 😉

 

But seriously: I end up being quieter online, I think. Online, I type and retype and try to make sure I've considered how it will be received and retype again and consider again and and and...and then the thread has moved on and my comment would be weird. Or I type up an answer and then think, "No, Amanda, nobody cares or has any need to know that." So I frequently decide not to post.

In person, I am much more likely to just go ahead and say the thing, assuming I feel comfortable with the people and setting.

How funny. I am exactly the opposite. I don’t even proof stuff on here. IRL I hardly ever say what I am thinking. I have imaginary conversations the rest of the day about what I shoukd have said. 

[Not_a_Number]

To be honest, I think the more interesting thing is not what WE think about how we present IRL and online... it's what people who interact with us think. I am curious 😛 . @VminusEplusFis2, what do you say? 

[BlsdMama]

3 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I am the same …in that I am not living a double life. 

 

🤔 That’s not what I meant at all, ftr. 
Someone shared a meme the other day to the effect that she wishes people were “real” on FB vs fake. I replied I don’t think people are being fake. I think it’s more likely they feel good sharing happy things. Crying in the shower stuff, pain, vulnerability - that’s not for everyone. Heck, I don’t even tell my mom this disease hurts and my husband told her once and I was pretty mad. She doesn’t need to know that. Nothing good comes off it and it makes her sad. I don’t think that’s fake. I think it’s being kind. 
 

Another comparison is that here, I’m very likely to speak up and out because I won’t cut someone else off from sharing their feelings if I express mine. I’m pretty animated in real life so I can come off at 120% and it can cause someone to not express their (opposing) feelings. So I’m more likely to speak bluntly here than IRL. 

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, BlsdMama said:

🤔 That’s not what I meant at all, ftr. 
Someone shared a meme the other day to the effect that she wishes people were “real” on FB vs fake. I replied I don’t think people are being fake. I think it’s more likely they feel good sharing happy things. Crying in the shower stuff, pain, vulnerability - that’s not for everyone. Heck, I don’t even tell my mom this disease hurts and my husband told her once and I was pretty mad. She doesn’t need to know that. Nothing good comes off it and it makes her sad. I don’t think that’s fake. I think it’s being kind. 
 

Another comparison is that here, I’m very likely to speak up and out because I won’t cut someone else off from sharing their feelings if I express mine. I’m pretty animated in real life so I can come off at 120% and it can cause someone to not express their (opposing) feelings. So I’m more likely to speak bluntly here than IRL. 

Oh I Did not think  anyone was saying that…I only meant I am the same to that extent…..

I do happy FB too.  

[Farrar]

I mean, I literally use my name, so...

I'm mostly the same. Everyone moderates for different groups and situations, I think. I geek out more with some friends, am more thoughtful with others. I'm a version of my real self here.

[Jean in Newcastle]

6 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I mean, I literally use my name, so...

I'm mostly the same. Everyone moderates for different groups and situations, I think. I geek out more with some friends, am more thoughtful with others. I'm a version of my real self here.

Yeah, I mean, I don’t introduce a subject in real life with a title for discussion. And I don’t present links with data (though if someone wanted that I would certainly would send it to them). There are more casual conversational threads on here that are probably more like my normal casual conversations. There are prayer or religious threads here that are more like conversations I have in certain settings. I do participate in local politics:  that’s probably the closest real life thing to some of the more serious threads on this board. 

[Melissa in Australia]

I am the same boring person in real life as on here

[iamonlyone]

I'm much more likely to engage IRL. I have been active on this board for many years and read it most days, but I only comment when I have real information to add or a unique encouragement due to common experience. I grew up in a critical household, and I'm overly sensitive to criticism/snark; plus, like purple owl, I overthink my responses and often just end up not posting.

[Shoeless]

 🤷‍♀️🧐😁

[Shoes+Ships+SealingWax]

I jump to the level of “myself” that I am able to be once I’ve established a relationship with someone, as if I’m sitting down with each of you in the living room over a cup of tea.

I vastly prefer communicating digitally because it gives me the opportunity to think through my responses without creating awkward pauses in conversation. Even so, I frequently return to edit for additional precision.

Face-to-face I’m pretty closed off. I absolutely despise small talk & am probably not the best at hiding that fact… though I’ve often had people remark at how “patient & understanding” I am, so apparently I have some of them fooled! 😆

[TravelingChris]

13 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I'm interpreted better online than off.

That is me, too often. Unfortunately, the person I interact the most with, dh, is mildly depressed because he has refused to go get his sleep apnia dental device replacement.  I really need to figure out how to get that done.

[TravelingChris]

Well, it really depends.  I can still communicate pretty well in written form when my aphasia is happening-  when my steroids are much less than they are now, for example.  When I am having a lot of trouble w/aphasia, particularly when I am tired or in a brain fog.  

So you all never see how bad I get in real life because I am not here then.

But otherwise, I am the same person most of the time.  I don't argue as much IRL like last Sunday in online Sunday school, there were several comments made that neither dh nor I believe but the two of us didn't argue the point.

[Paige]

I think it’s hard for me to judge myself. Someone who has met me IRL would be better able to say. 
 

I believe I’m pretty much the same. I’m usually pretty quiet. I try to be sensitive and polite. I probably keep my mouth shut and nod and smile a little more often in person. But I’m more open in person in many ways because I don’t have time to overthink and worry about the permanence of the internet.