Missing school when family visits

[Calizzy]

We live in a different state than all of our parents, and we usually see them once or twice a year. Currently, we haven't seen then in 1.5 years. School wise- I have an 8th, 4th, 2nd, and k'er. We are on track for our schooling this year. I have 1 more break planned for early April when dh and I will be doing an adult vacation (yay!) And then we were going to school through the end of May. That isn't because we need that long to get it all done, just because I'm trying to do 175 days. Now, both my mom and my dad (divorced) want to come and visit in April/May each for a week. Part of me thinks "They're old, family is important, forget about school." And the other part says "we can't just miss 2 more weeks of school..." realistically, we won't do any school during the summer. Also, we can try to do some the week they visit, but I doubt that too. What would you do?

[Lori D.]

Other than the 8th grader, yes, your kids are young, and better to make memories with grandparents than worry about taking an extra week or two off and not fully finish (as long as kids are neurotypical and don't need an unchanging routine). So that would be my first choice.

However, if that's not a possibility:
- just go an extra 2 weeks into June, so end of school year date is moved from end of May to mid-June, to make up for the extra 2 weeks taken off earlier
- maybe do "short school" for a few hours in the morning each day when there is a visiting guest, and then they have lunch / afternoon / dinner / evening to enjoy grandparents

For "short school"
- just do your core academics (LA and Math - plus any Foreign Language or Music practice) on the weeks guests are visiting
- knowing these guest visits are coming, double up a bit on the non-core academics (Grammar, Geography, History, Science, etc.) now and in the weeks between visits, so that way you're still caught up for the "short school" weeks
- or, just have DC do selected problems or skip the last few lessons in a workbook or program -- either skip entirely, or do at the start of next school year as review

[kirstenhill]

I'd first be honest with them about the situation of it not being at a scheduled break time, and ask them if those dates are flexible.  Could they adjust their visit dates to come when you are on break for the summer?  If their schedule is not flexible, I would chat with at least the older two kids and ask them what they would prefer.  Would they prefer to add two weeks onto the end of the school year and have two extra weeks off in April/May? Or would they prefer to try and get at least the most important subjects done while grandparents are visiting?  I think it won't matter what the younger two do, and maybe not even the 4th grader.  Potentially it's really a discussion for you and your 8th grader as to what he/she prefers. 

My mom visits about once every six weeks and stays for 3 full days.  She knows that the younger two kids need to do a couple hours of school each morning she is here, and my 8th grader will do his best to work efficiently but he has outside classes and other goals he is working toward that can't exactly be dropped every time she comes.  But she comes pretty often!  If MIL could visit (whom we haven't seen for 1.5 years also), we would in a heartbeat drop all but what my 8th grader has due for outside classes (and maybe even ask for grace on those assignments also).  But I would also not hesitate to ask my kids to work into the summer if needed to finish up something that wasn't finished due to unplanned time off.  

[Calizzy]

The kids are all neuro typical and average students. I think that if I asked odd for her preference she would choose to just keep working through their visit. But that is because she is 13 and would rather miss out on time with grandparents than miss out on summer fun, so I’m not sure how heavily I should rely in that. 

[Clemsondana]

I'd probably go with a shorter school day with a flexible schedule - if grandma is an early bird who likes to rest with a book after lunch, then play with grandma in the morning and do school while she's reading.  Or, would she enjoy doing parts of school with the kids?  It's been rare that my in-laws have been here during school, but my MIL (a former teacher) likes to watch and see what we do.  One day when my older had out-of-the-house stuff all day (my younger usually went with us), I left younger home with MIL and a checklist and they did school together.  Reading aloud, or listening to a reader, checking a workbook page, reviewing spelling words or math facts...there's a lot that a grandparent could do with young kids that might help you get done more quickly. 

I'd also consider having grandparents spend one-on-one time with one kid while the others do school work.  We do some things as a family, but MIL likes to focus on each kid individually sometimes so that could work well with school scheduling.  You could rotate through a day, maybe in 1-2 hr blocks of grandma time and school time, or you could do work ahead or on a Saturday and then each kid could take off one day during the week to have grandma time.  

[kristin0713]

I would give the youngers the time off.  For the 8th grader, I would tell her that her school is done when it is done.  So if she takes time off to spend with family but it takes her a couple of extra weeks to finish, then that is what it takes her.  But if she does schoolwork when the grandparents are there, she will be done at the end of May.  This would also depend for me on how many hours her work takes her and how much help she needs from you. 

For us, I always have them finish whatever it is for the year rather than have a hard stop date. So my kids tend to finish their subjects one at a time usually starting around mid-May, but some subjects take them well into June. 

[Junie]

We have always taken off school when grandparents come to visit.  We just take the week off and pick it back up when they leave.

[eternallytired]

Since your concern about taking time off is not that you won't finish work, but that you won't have enough school days--are there outings you could take with your parents that could be considered field trips, and thus count toward your tally?  Or could you pick other activities (educational games, baking, art/crafts) to make a point of doing?  Do Grandma and Grandpa read with them, talk to them about family history, etc?  Any of those could be considered educational if you were a school who invited visitors.  Having taught, I can tell you that there are a fair number of days (or large parts of days) where we didn't accomplish much on a book-work front--field day, assemblies (pep rally or visiting speaker), career day, end-of-year desk cleanout, beginning-of-year material handout...  If you consider that you don't have any of those random interruptions/procedural days, you probably don't have to be quite as paranoid about getting the precise number of formal educational days.  I keep a running tally of "formal education" and "informal education" days for my own benefit.

[8filltheheart]

I'd say my end date is artificially created by me and can be equally moved by me. I'd take the time off to visit with family and figure out an end date as we progressed after their visit. 

Edited March 22, 2021 by 8filltheheart

[Ellie]

1 minute ago, 8filltheheart said:

I'd say my end date is artificially created by me and be equally moved by me. I'd take the time off to visit with family and figure out an end date as we progressed after their visit. 

Exactly what I was going to say.

[My4arrows]

I don’t give my kids the end date that I have in mind since it is always changing based upon opportunities we can take during the year. For our family homeschooling gives s the flexibility to change things around. For us if grandparents whom we don’t see often want to come visit I’d rearrange to the best of my ability. If there isn’t anything that requires you to be done by the date you set Id take the time off. 

[Janeway]

Definitely give the kids the week off. It is 2 weeks total. The public schools spend more than that amount of time on fun Fridays and field days and pep rallies and having subs that are doing the teaching.

[Clemsondana]

I definitely wouldn't feel constrained to do traditional bookwork if I didnt need to in order to finish out the year - a field trip, hike, planting seeds, learning some craft or cooking thing, watching a documentary together (when mine were little, we always watched Fantasia, Schoolhouse Rocks, and Donald in Mathemagic Land the last week of school), and strategy games would all be good.  Or sing, play an instrument, or read fun books together or whatever these specific grandparents like to do.  Last year we had some days when one kid did math and then watched some workers do stonework on the patio.  I'm not unschooly enough to consider a year of this as school, but once we are done with whatever academic content I intended to cover I'm creative in what I do to get to the required 180 days.  

[MeaganS]

Nope. We pretty much cancel school whenever we have family or go visit family. Why wouldn't we? Visiting family is a rare opportunity and something I deem as more important than any given school lesson. Plus my kids don't focus when people are here. The only time we've kept going was when grandparents were here for 3 weeks and had other things they were doing in the mornings anyways. It suited them and us for the kids to be occupied during their normal school hours. Unless we had some outside constraint, there's no reason why school can't just go longer. But I'm in the year-round schooling camp. We school when convenient and don't when its not. We average 180+ days of academics a year, so it seems to work for us.

FWIW, a normal public school year is 180 days. Most allow up to 10 for absences. So that puts you at 170. Take away another 5 or so for testing, that's 165. Then count parties, substitute teacher days, field trip days, etc. Maybe a conservative 5 more days there? That takes you down to a generous 160 days of academics. So if your 175 is based off the public school year, you'd be totally find to take off when family was there and still call it a full year. 🙂

[2_girls_mommy]

I had a sister who used to schedule her vacation weeks during our school year then come stay with me a week at a time twice a year.  I finally asked her to do her vacation in the summer when we could take off to do fun things because it wasn't fun for her while we were doing school and having regular out of the house school stuff like scouts and dance classes instead of going to the movies or to amusement parks.  So she changed her vacations to once a year in the summer.  It worked better for me.  

My sister passed away unexpectedly seven years ago.  I would do anything to have her hanging around here doing nothing now a few times a year.  I would do some school, but do some fun things too.  I was young and didn't realize how fleeting those times were. So I vote have them come, do whatever you need to, but don't stress it.  Be honest with them.  Do school while they are there, but be flexible.  Do Lori's suggestions.  But more than anything, make those memories and don't be stressed. 

[Shoeless]

Just push the school end date back 2 weeks.  I would definitely ditch school to hang out with grandparents visiting from out of state! Heck, as a public high school student, I sometimes cut school to go see my grandparents who lived 20 minutes away!  

[PeterPan]

Grandparent visits = school if you do field trips. 

[Dmmetler]

I would definitely cancel school to see grandparents this year, especially. And particularly for elementary, I wouldn't feel terribly guilty about pulling grandparents into the homeschooling by having them play a board game or read aloud with the kids (or listen to the kids read), maybe going to the zoo or a museum, and calling THAT a school day. For an 8th grader, I'd be more likely to say that you're finished when you finish X (the current math book, a major project, or whatever I had decided the completion for said course was) and it it up to you when you do it. I also have been known to count summer activities that are educational as part of school. 

[cbollin]

Our grandparent visits were few and far between.  different states.  Oh, and now, one grandma moved to costa rica because that's a thing now that her generation does for cost of living issues.  Another one has passed away.   oh the visits were so rare.  It's not like they live in the same city.

I can remember needing to have a "Must Finish by such and such date in May" a few times for reasons (such as graduation, etc) and yet needing to record the full 180 days (90 semester).  That was when it hit me, oh yeah, if I need 10 more days, go back and look at what we did accomplish on weekends and can we do some "school/educational" time on weekends.  Church took up time each Sunday. count it plus other stuff that day. Field trips.  Workout. "life skills"/"adulting" time.   And yes, that was during high school credit counting too. We got our school work done.  But sometimes needed the legal days. That was when we did non routine/non traditional classroom approaches.

definitely became about learning instead of "core credits".   never an issue to meet the legal days (180 for me) even with "delight directed learning" in summer. or "productive but unstructured time" (ala charlotte mason".  Think outside the worksheet on this when counting those few extra days. what? 10?

hug em' while you can.

or wait? are you talking that you have to skip outside classes or something?

But if that happened over here, (and ha ha ha ha ha.. what's a vacation for adults?  ha ha ha... sorry we have special needs children), and grandparents were visiting, oh my.  We'd count the visit days if needed (by doing what others have already said), or look back and plan to count summer free style learning.

I was legal.   oh and as I was typing I remembered that usually the grandparents weren't in the house the whole time either. Or grandpa liked to nap in middle of day.  so some quiet time of school work was done then too. (read a book and let grandpa rest, or draw him a picture.... ).   Listen to their stories and that is a form of history (first person narrative, yes?)

Also, I'd work on rescheduling the visits so they aren't back to back.  That's personal in our case.  Because it would be too much for too long to deal with that.  I'd need recovery time.

[fairfarmhand]

My reply depends on how much you like spending time with grandparents. If you and the kids might need breaks from them, then half days of school are good for that! 

If you REEEEEALLLLY like them 🙂 , I would take the time off for grandparents for youngers and older kid finishes they year when she finishes whatever arbitrary things you decide is the last lesson. (However, I MIGHT just to make sure the teen isn't oddly prioritizing in a way she might regret or in a way that might hurt grandparents, make sure that she can only do school up to 12 pm or 1 pm. So it's on her to work efficiently in the morning or get up early enough to really make headway.) 

 

Also, are Grandparents' visits including a weekend? Because if so, that might cut down on how many days you will have to miss. 

[daijobu]

We school year round to accommodate things like this.  Even with multiple interruptions, vacations, etc., we still manage to come out ahead.  

[Slache]

1. You can start your summer break 2 weeks late.

2. They can stay in a hotel and be allowed visiting hours so that you can get school done.

3. They can come in the summer.

 

Decide for yourself if option 1 works, otherwise they can pick between 2 and 3.